Tuesday, September 30, 2003

lauren: i was walking down the street one day
lauren: in my short black skirt and knee high boots
lauren: and this sexy mexy whistled at me
lauren: so i flagged him down with my panties
me: oh very nice
lauren: and i crammed in the truck with all 2000 of them
me: slut
lauren: and we went back to his tent at the trailer home and they took turns bangin me like the screen door they wish they had
so elise recently converted her never-updated blog into a "poetry-circle" copycat of DOY, only with her and her friends. some people think that she has just recently felt judged and uncomfortable posting on DOY, that we will give her negative comments. however, i theorize that it's a power trip for her because she writes better than anyone else on the site.
this summer she added me as a member of the site so that i could fix her shit, because it wasn't posting to the ghotli server.
i just checked, and she has deleted me from the Just Dream members list.
man that is hella funny. it makes my day.

listening to: "the blues" show on WKNO
("if you were black for ONE NIGHT on beale street, you'd never wanna be white anymore!")
lalala. doing history junts. hate hate hate life!!! weee!
oh yeah i am supposed to plug for becca's show.
i think she should ask mary to switch the date, because the next morning is psats, so a lot of kiddies won't be allowed/keen to go to a late-night rock show.
cat is in my lap and shedding multitudes.
archimedes on the telle.

let's get over this . i'm your lovertits

i know i have been talking about peaches a lot. but please guys. do yourself a favor and watch the lovertits video because it is TOO much fun for words.

i was positive today was going to be shit. it really was shit. at some point during the day i was like "man this day is such shit. i better live it up. MAN I'M HAVING THE WORST TIME OF MY LIFE!" and it wasn't really, and in my sarcasm, it became a better day. i pretended to had fun, and then had fun. it was kinda nice. there was this history assignment that katherine mentioned to me at like 11:30 last night, and i realized i must've been absent when it was assigned because i had no idea anything about it. so i freaked out about that and stayed up late doing my algae, which took forever, so that i could do my history during study hall. by study hall, i still hadn't actually figured out what the assignment WAS and so i gave up, doodled, and wrote a punk song.
ms. wexler finally gave me my six weeks average today, and i was not at all pleased. good thing i don't care. i just hope mom doesn't either. we got a seating chart today in latin, which is really weird. also very funny, because no matter where we are placed, there's always going to be someone to talk to. or we end up shouting across the room while poor ms. lafon says "WAWAAA WAWAAA WAWAAA" at her little podium, with the photograph of latin mcdonalds on it. that class is a joke. like today i turned to jenny, who i now sit next to, and said "this class is such shit." and she responded with "that's why we take it!" and i remembered. ahhaah. genius me. anyone who takes latin is a genius, simply for electing themselves into such a pit of hilarious hell.
post-school was very nice today. brock was wandering the annex in his nice sweater. i caught him.
i saw laylee and kevin for the first time since friday. i love those kids. becca and kevin had a kissing contest with my hand. brock and i played thumb-war. technically, he won, but i think i should be the one who gets the metal because i got his thumb down for like 8 counts like 5 separate times. that motherfucker tries to use two hands. we both tend to sing when theres a lull in conversation, and we always feel the same lulls. today we both started singing "hamster baby" by bikini kill at EXACTLY the same time. it was beautiful. i love that song. and we brought back our summer choreography to it, too.
dad yelled at me for taking so long to get to the car. i hope brock isn't still at school waiting for his mother.
katie is going to spend the night this weekend!!!!! i'm so excited. i want you people to meet her, too. man i love katie. i can't wait. i have to think of something exciting for us to do.

listening to: amazing plaid - the snake and its shadow

Monday, September 29, 2003

i'm very very serious about editting the kite day into a short film of some sort, even if it's just a 30 second thing for me to watch and say "what a good day."
also, katherine and i have been talking for months about doing another movie in the same style we did romeo and juliet. we want to pick a play, and write/shoot/edit the parody in one weekend. well, maybe not finish editting. but come on. we deserve it, anyway. if anyone wants to help, please let us know.
also if you have got any movie ideas of your own, GET ON IT!!! TAKE CHARGE!!! WRITE YOUR SCRIPT/STORYBOARD/OUTLINE! CAST! then let somebody know, and we will get the camera over there in 10 seconds flat. serious. we will find you some actors if you need them too. and we will edit. and everything. and please. i want to make a movie.


so last night, during my insomnia, i was listening to elliott smith's album figure 8. whenever i've listened to it before, i've enjoyed it and everything. but dear god. after listening to throwing muses five times and pixies at least once yesterday, it seemed so........ BLAND. and i just thought to myself... why listen to anything if it's not amazing? why should i ever listen to a song that doesn't feel like it could change the world? i only want to listen to songs that never cease to amaze me. otherwise, what is the point?
and it made me really happy. and eventually i fell asleep.

brock called me awhile ago. i was in the shower, though, because while i was doing my history homework, i suddenly realized that my clothes were gone and i had written throwing muses lyrics all over myself in purple sharpie. it's mostly gone, after the shower. my tit still says 'slut' and my stomach has lyrics from "buzz" and my left leg has lyrics from "shark" and etc. it's really funny. the most obvious ones, on my arm and my chest are gone, though. i wonder if they will be at all visible at school tomorrow.
i called brock back when i got out of the shower, and we talked for awhile, and i avoided homework. he misses his computer, of course. he is worried about the ap art saturdays class that he is going to apply for. in the long run, it will be a great thing, but 4 hours every saturday afternoon for 5 months? that's a long time. and that's a lot of time to devote to something. but he's serious, so it's good. plus he's an amazing artist, as previously stated, so that's even better. one of these days i'll film some of his things and put them on the computer and make everyone marvel over their amazingness.
i should probably finish my homework. but right now i love my blog. and frank black. *rape*

listening to: degrassi!?
wow, the lock on my window is broken. that makes me feel EXTREMELY vulnerable... well uh. kids, you are free to come over and come in whenever you want. we'll make a party out of it. it'll be like clarissa. i always wanted that.
oh yeah, i forgot. i wanted to say on here that my cell phone is working again if anyone needs to call it. it's been dead for like a week or something.
also i have therapy again next monday, and i'm supposed to make a "list of my strengths" ??? i was just going to skip that shit, but i've been avoiding it since she asked me to do it on the first day i went. and she's been asking for it ever since. but she did say that i can have people help me with it, and i'm a lazy ass. so. if you want to. HAHA. man.
okay i need to go do some homework. i'm such a lazy piece of shit.
okay i'm back from helping morgan and foot with their homework, and freaking out about peaches. i'm ready to blather about my day. and oh yeah, melissa ferrick is coming to the hi-tone tomorrow night... i'd love to go, but it's 18+ and i don't know if i can get in, plus it's a school night, and. it would be a lot of trouble. plus i'm utterly poor. i have negative moneys.
after such a depressing weekend, the day was actually okay. nothing too terrible happened. i somehow survived the history test. for some reason, i was in a really good mood as entered that class. if you talk about how much you DON'T care about something, you start to feel like it a lot a lot. miranda was dreaming of cheesecake, and margaret and i talked about how great "lost in translation" was. that put me in a GREAT mood, along with the fact that mrs. ervin was absent. so the day was pretty much just a breezy little one. after school, i got to talk to becca a little, and i haven't really seen her much lately. i want to hang out with her soon. robin and i had our usual post-school chat. oh yeah, i made allison laugh with more doodles in english. so i guess it was a pretty good day. the best part was out front after school when brock grabbed me and spun me around, out of the blue, into the white. it was really beautiful. i love you, brock. especially since he had to bend over-ish to pick me up ahahahaha. i am so small. but as i've said before, the only thing i like about being small is the fact that i am picked up easily and i got spun around a lot. i got really dizzy this afternoon and i seriously would've fallen over if i wasn't still clinging to brock. lalala. it was very nice. and brock is an amazing artist. he melts me.
we listened to the moldy peaches in sarah's car coming home. it made me really happy.
today is full of peaches.
i'm going to go eat now. today is better than i thought it was.

listening to: tom waits - table top joe

what else is in the teaches of peaches? huh? what?

this song was SO in "lost in translation." i was kinda ashamed to know the song from the scene in the exotic dancing club. oh well. peaches is god. no, seriously.
peaches' site
awesome biography
peaches' tits
she's something like the embodiment of sex. she has a picture gallery of crotch shots on her website. the best part is that she's not buying into any of the fucking shit in our culture. no, she's NOT gorgeous. she's androgynous, she's not anorexic, and she tends not to shave her underarms. she performs in almost-undwear with dildos, for god's sake. the other day i saw her name near the top of an "ugliest indie rockers" list. i thought it was incredibly unfair. i'd do her.

listening to: peaches - i don't give a...

Sunday, September 28, 2003

no, seriously. download it or i'll burn you a copy of the cd. just ask.
really. normally, i can't listen to an album, much less a SONG, over and over, but.... this is my exception.
robitussin am: ahahahah i'm drunk
robitussin am: it's sunday night and i'm drunk

is this a running theme or what?
(about her blog)
FalLynnStar: its pretty much...so itssunday, ive been drunk since friday. ok its tuesday, im so fucking high.

i feel a lot better than i did earlier. brock called and cheered me up. we talked about bellybuttons and those plastic kitchens that you have when you're little. i never had an easybake oven. brock was given one as a gift by his 'confused' aunt, but was not allowed to play with it. jesus look at all this psychological baggage. everyone has a lot, if you take the time to remember all that shit. i'm supposed to be working on latin right now. fuck that.
i'm SO GLAD i bought my throwing muses and pixies cds... that was my big event of the weekend, really. i found seasick by imperial teen, the glass intact by sarge, and the hissyfits cd, which are all AMAZING finds, but i wasn't sure i'd love them all. even though i could get the muses or pixies any day, they really really made my weekend better. music is my savior. and now i'm playing yet another great album...

listening to: tracy + the plastics - ain't never gonna die
the following is a poem that brandon wrote when he was really stoned. it's made my day 10 times better, but now that brandon is gone and i have to go back to my room and my latin and my muses, i'm getting depressed again. oh well. maybe this will brighten your day.

Alanna, My Memphis

Elise tells me you've been skipping school
since you heard about John Ritter
and of course I've been meaning to call
but the phone's in the other room
and it's too damn hard to talk
to someone in mourning. Memphis,
you haven't left the mattress
in over a week and it scares
me. Memphis, it's time to brush
your teeth clean and forget.
Alanna, I'm coming back to Tennessee
and I'll meet you halfway,
the middle of your kitchen.
Remind me that I owe you a nap
in the coffee shop and I swear we won't move
till the waitress tries to kick us out
and you'll throw you hands to the ceiling
in protest and I'll hold your head to my breast
so you won't see John Ritter in the window
kissing Elise's open mouth.
well. throwing muses and latin are no cure for depression, i'll tell you that. kristin hersh's voice makes me feel powerful, but the words make me terribly terribly sad. and it doesn't help at all that she's crooning "baby, go back to your womb" which is what i would really like to do right now. i just want to curl up on the windowsill and die. i hate
god i'm in the worst fucking mood.
why am i so angsty this weekend?
anyone know what the jennings homework is? call me
i'm really excited about all these pixies covers i've downloaded... it's sick. ahha. but i FINALLY got all these mp3s that i've been trying to download for over a year.... so that's pretty exciting to me.
i wanna be in a pixies cover band.

listening to: melon - ed is dead (pixies cover)
amazing feats accomplished today by me:
bought stamps and envelopes that cds actually fit into
didn't find purse, but found money
actually bought throwing muses cd

why i want a band:

if we got bored, we'll move to california!

i am feeling much better since my last post. i forgot how angsty i was earlier. tsk, tsk, tsk. shortly after i posted that, i watched "american beauty" while eating havardi and ritz, in between my parents on the couch. i really like that movie. i'm glad i finally saw it.
oh yeah i forgot to talk about the earlier part of my day. well. mostly i sat around. went to see "lost in translation" with my parents and brock, which was a BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL film. i REALLY recommend it, i love it and the music was good. plus i love scarlett johannson and i WISH i had her voice. mom said last saturday taht i sound like her, with my hoarse voice, which, yes, i still have. wow what a beautiful movie though. dad said he really liked the composition of shots in "american beauty" and the cinematography of it, but i was much more impressed with "lost in translation." everything was really striking and beautiful.
after the movie, brock decided he had to go home and do school work... he didn't get much done, though. surprise, surprise. after that i had the angsty/lonely/depressing part of my night. then we watched "american beauty" and everything got much better. that was a really good little film. really good and really human. ANYWAY i need to shut up about movies. and start telling you people, yet again, HOW MUCH I DESPERATELY LOVE FRANK BLACK. DEAR GOD!!! HOW DOES HE DO IT?! HOW!? I AM MARRYING THE MAN.
almost right after the movie ended, brock called me! yayyyy i love brock phone calls. we talked for about an hour and a half, i guess. the call was wonderful, but his computer has been taken away which is depressing. oh well, that will just be further reasoning for beautiful phone calls. now i'm excited. but i already miss his blog. *mourn and roses*
i've been talking to katie since i got off the phone with brock, which is really really nice because she never stays up late, and we haven't had a long conversation in a while. we are making plans to hang out next weekend! i'm really excited. i NEVER see katie. YAYYYY. everyone please come meet her.
oh yeah, i bought come on pilgrim by the pixies and limbo by throwing muses today. wee! i love new cds, and it's been awhile, and I'VE BEEN TIRED!
i wish i had cute feet.

listening to: pixies - isla de encanta

Saturday, September 27, 2003

i hate me. there were cute boys at turlte's flipping through the used section next to me. they were talking about pixies while i was looking for pixies. the one with the spongebob shirt asked the one with all the pixies albums which album "where is my mind?" is on and i wanted to answer, but i didn't. then later mom came to tell me to hurry and decide on what cds to buy because she wanted to leave. she saw the pixies on the top of my stack and told me "get that one, you love the pixies" and the pixie boy looked at me. god damn it all. i wish i could talk to people at all. i loved that they were spending their saturday night hanging out at turtle's and spending all their money on used cds. i hate myself.
on the way home, i saw one of my seasoning friends on the pay phone by the smart mart. i think it was him, anyway.

listening to: pixies - i've been tired
see laylee and becca
give becca key to house so she can record whenever
edit kite video w/kat+
edit/film any movie ever
2001 doy posts thingie
buy stamps for brandon's package
find purse
buy throwing muses cd
another fountain day feat. film
i'm bored and depressed and i want to go to bed but i'm not tired. aopwgihpawgh.
well i'm listening to stereo total's cover of "get down tonight" so i think it's helping. HAHAHH. shit. download this it's funny as hell.
god damn life! well i'll get there. i mostly had a really good day.
school was school. not too bad, really. chemistry is getting really complicated and i'm so lost in there suddenly. we got assigned a research paper in english today but it isn't as intimidating as it would be because there are little dates she set up for us along the way, so it's not just like she's throwing us this huge assignment and saying "bring it in december." if that was what she did... i would've killed myself. and the topics are actually interesting surprise, surprise. i'm thinking about maybe doing beat poets or the one with e.e. cummings in it. or.. well a lot of things. anyway. i need to shut up about school because i hate it. and god knows you people don't want to hear about it. oh only one more thing. i hate that i'm enjoying algebra so far. it's completely against my morals. i remember in 9th grade when i started to UNDERSTAND math finally. i got good grades and then realized that i was enjoying the actual work, even though i tried to repress it. oh well. i guess i can't change that. but what's even more depressing to me, is that i know by the end of this year, i'll HATE math again, because of how shitty this year has been guaranteed to be by everyone i know who took the class last year.
i'm really hungry. brock i don't remember how much dinner was but remind me to pay you back. and i need to pay elizabeth for gas.
after school, i dawdled around with laylee and kevin, and then with robin and russell. then i remembered that elizabeth was my ride home and ran off to find her. she wasn't out front, and i ran to the elementary parking lot. however, she doesn't park there. so i ran into kevin and laylee again, who were also with becca, william, and a couple other kids. william actually offered me a ride home, too! can you imagine the content of that trek? wow it boggles me. eoiwaohgiopiewh. he really liked my voice though. yes, i'm STILL hoarse, how sick is that?! i've decided to never get rid of the voice, so i yelled a lot today. i'm not there yet. apogwihpowaihg i hate skipping ahead. damn me. okay.
well i found elizabeth and jenny eventually. elizabeth didn't know she was supposed to be my ride, although i thought that katherine had sort of asked her for me last night when we made our post-school plans? ah well. the three of us went to jenny's and hung out for a while. it was nice. we talked, and they worked on jenny's birthday present for rocio. i called brock and we talked for a while, because it's humanly impossible for me and brock to have a short phone conversation. this is a proven fact. eventually we realized it was like 4:45, which is when katherine had planned to meet us at shelby farms to fly kites! jenny was about to leave for rocio's party, so unfortunately she could not attend. elizabeth and i picked up brock around 5. we were pretty late getting to shelby farms, but luckily katherine had not been there long either. lauren henry and jackie douglas were supposed to meet us, too, but they never showed. i had a GREAT time. i mostly filmed everyone else doing things, and i hope we get at least one good shot out of the whole thing. i did a lot of art close-ups and whatnot. it was too fun. eventually they made me fly the kite a couple times, but i don't know that i was any good at it. i guess i'll find out once i see the film. the four of us tried to do some square dancing, but it was mostly unsuccessful because my counts were faster than brock's. and we also spun. i LOVE spinning. unfortunately, brock and i never last very long because of his faucets. it's cool, i love them. also, katherine filmed brock swinging me around by the arms twice, but she didn't get our really good time. i actually prefer hug-swinging, which we did once but was also not filmed. just would be so much fun to edit it as a group some time... and make a little short about our Day. how happy.
we got really hungry, and left to go to wendy's and subway. brock had to pay for me again because i've lost my purse somewhere in this hell house. he is way too nice. i told him no, he didn't have to pay for me, but he was going to order a kid's meal for me anyway if i didn't tell him what i wanted. he's too nice to me. anyway. we ate on a median and nearly got ran down by a smiling east-memphis mother. c'est la vie. BABELFISH THAT, MOTHERFUCKERS!
we tried to go through the carwash. i have incredibly bad luck with those things. last time i tried to go through one was with mom literally years ago. we somehow got stuck before we'd even gotten into that piece of shit and scraped up our old van. it was funny as sin, but mom now hates carwashes. so the stupid thing malfunctioned and we died and then it just refused to light up at all. it was really depressing because i'd been so excited. brock and i even got into the very back seat, to watch everything better. oh well. katherine had to be home by 7, so we just left at that point. elizabeth said i moved into the front seat very gracefully. woohoo me is full of grace, yo. i decided that i should start yelling a lot so that my voice never gets unhoarse, which i mentioned earlier. so when we realized that we had caught up to katherine on walnut grove, i had to lean out the window and yell all kinds of sporadic shit at her for like 5 blocks. it was exciting. "whatever happened to pong? i love screaming! the van behind you is watching barney." and my oh my did that mom give me an EVIL EYE. she and her purple van wanted me dead. it was awesome.
so elizabeth just took me and brock -- surprise, surprise -- back to my house. this is our new routine, i guess. we talked about going to see a movie, or a show, or a person, but we ended up just ... sitting around, for the most part. we hung out on my bed, doodled, watched a little tele, destroyed some school assignments, danced around, hosted an orgy, the usual. i feel bad for being so boring. oh well. it's brock's fault for putting himself in my company.
after his mom picked him up and i read his blog post, i went into a terrible state. and now i'm blogging and i am fine again, and i can't remember exactly why i was not happy. thank god it takes me forever to blog hahahaha. fuck me.

listening to: frank black - freedom rock

Friday, September 26, 2003

i've been listening to kristin hersh for the past couple days and guess what? i'm falling in love again. her and the pixies. they just do that thing to me. yeah her and the pixie and like 239057 other bands, but come on. who is on my mind? and where is it?

"We could be falling in love, like nobody else
Tonight your dream is safe with me
Tomorrow we wake up in L.A."

listening to: kristin hersh - clay feet

Thursday, September 25, 2003

big morgan asked me to do his show, red pain(t) at our own voice in february. i'm not sure about the time committment, so i haven't said anything to him yet. also i'm not sure that i would be comfortable with how he wants to set up the play... which is that he gives the actors the situation and they(we?) just improv the lines, every single time. i could deal with that if we just workshopped the play like that, but to have to perform it like that every single time? terrifying. i don't know. if you've got any advice, let me know.... oh and if it influences any decisions, i MIGHT be playing alongside william gratz and ted link? or saki's pirate ass? but paul foster, who was going to play one of the lead roles, is definitely out of the picture, according to laylee and becca. morgan also wanted elise to be in the play but i'm pretty positive she can't do it, what with her MUS play and everything. i don't really know how that is going for her, seeing as we haven't really talked in a few weeks... wow how weird to think about that. last time i saw her outside school was... well last week at open-mic, but we didn't talk. and then before that at cooper-young, but again we didn't talk.... and before that i think it was the film festival weekend and jesus that was forever ago. maybe i'm wrong? oh well. how weird to think about, though. and especially strange that i haven't really fully noticed/minded.

listening to: bangs - tiger beat
it's time to train your brain!
like a rat in a maze
it's time to train your brain!
like a rat in a maze

this is my new theme song. mom sang it to me while she bugged me about history.
well, there is just no more reason to live. as i walked into the den, as the familia was watching fucking FRIENDS, my least favorite show EVER, and i said i wanted to put on a movie, dad said he was going to take the videos back to black lodge finally. of course. and then they wouldn't let me put it on anyway because i haven't finished my incredibly miniscule amount of homework. which i guess i'll actually have to do now. wonderful.
i really have to pee and i'm really hungry so this will probably be a lot shorter than it needs to be.
today actually wasn't that bad. go figure. that always happen when i'm unnecessarily dreading something, and i know i couldn't possibly have spelled that right but i refuse to go back and look at it. i'm trying to think of some Highlights for today, but i really can't think of any. OH wexler's english class got to join our lunch today, becuase of stupid AP Essay thing... so laylee and i ate this bagel that william gave her, and brock gave us each a slice of cheese. it was good. i love laylee. i love her sweater. i love her manpants.
after school, we were loving and this guy chris harassed us to death. it was actually really funny. i should go into details but... i'm starving. so i'll do them later, if someone reminds me. or if i get bored enough. probably no one cares. the only person who cares is Future Me, looking back at old posts and laughing hysterically because no one else did. oh well.
we went to this seminar thing at u of m about witchcraft in europe and then in salem. it was pretty interesting, but it was also for extra credit. my favorite part was one of the professor's funny pants/existence, and sitting on the floor leaning on laylee and melting into her beautiful ness. she's very very comfortable and i love her. i hope i didn't germinate her... but then again maybe she'll also develop a "great great smoker-cartoon voice" in the words of brock. anyway. everyone, have a lovely day.
i'm depressed because no one wants to come to open-mic with me. oh well. i decided to stay home, do homework, and maybe watch american beauty. wish me luck. let's make tomorrow great.

listening to: stereo total - miau miau
WOO i am so shirtless right now

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

i have muted phone-ear from talking to brock for too long. i like it. but i'm also really dizzy and my throat hurts and i'm achy. god damn this sickness. i should probably start my homework. i need to die.
these are bonfire madigan tour dates.... i am trying to figure out what show it would be easiest for me to get to would be. bare with me, people. i'm getting all these times off mapquest based on the distance from my house to just the general city, not the specific venue.

Mon 10/06/03 Los Angeles, CA -- yeah, i'm not calculating cali dates.
Tue 10/21 San Francisco, CA -- because that would just be pathetic
Mon 10/27 Denver CO -- same here
Tue 10/28 Lawrence, KS -- 9 hr 16 min
Wed 10/29 Columbia, MO - 6 hr 37 min
Thu 10/30 Chicago, IL -- 8 hr 45 min
Fri 10/31 Yellow Springs, OH -- 8 hr 58 min
Sat 11/1 Newport, KY -- 7 hr 45 min
Sun 11/2 Cleveland, OH -- 11 hr 44 min
Mon 11/3 Buffalo NY -- hahaha.
Tue 11/4 Northampton, MA -- ditto
Wed 11/5 New York, NY w/ Rasputina
Thu 11/6 New York, NY w/ Rasputina -- dear god i wish.
Fri 11/7 Baltimore -- 14 hr 42 min or DC -- 14 hr 7 min
Sat 11/8 Arlington -- 14 hr 2 min or Charlottesville -- 12 hr 11 min
Sun 11/9 Winston-Salem -- 10 hr 24 min
Mon 11/10 Wilmington -- 14 hr 26 min or Asheville -- 8 hr 6 min
Tue 11/11 Atlanta -- 7 hr 12 min or Athens -- 8 hr 37 min
Wed 11/12 Savannah -- 11 hr 10 min
Thu 11/13 Tampa -- 14 hr 32 min or Gainesville -- 12 hr 36 min
Fri 11/14 New Orleans -- 6 hr 30 min or Baton Rouge -- 6 hr 18 min
Sat 11/15 Houston -- 10 hr 36 min
Sun 11/16 Austin, TX -- 10 hr 38 min
Mon 11/17 El Paso TX -- 17 hr 60 min
Tue 11/18 Phoenix, TX -- 11 hr 60 min
Wed 11/19 San Diego, CA -- hahaha.

i would've deleted the sickeningly far away dates but... i thought someone might care. silly me. so basically, lousiana is looking like the best bet. kentucky would work too because that's a saturday. brock, where are you when i need you? go get your license, ass.

this was just sent to me by my sister's friend eileen, who is also home sick today. how odd. i think she's also in good time speech, the new our own voice show, with foot and morgan and dad and sarah and everyone. i wish i could've been in the play, but it's turning out to be an even bigger time committment than i originally thought, so i'm kind of glad i'm not in it. especially with being sick.

listening to: sleater-kinney - not what you want
if you guys couldn't tell, i'm having TONS of fun with the little image to the right. it should be different every time you refresh the page. YAYY. i also really like the grainy quality that they all have, but i didn't do that on purpose. there's 2 images still in there from the original layout, but i don't know that i'll keep them... they're starting to feel really out of place. keep on the lookout for more to come. i'll probably make a million more today. but right now i can't log in to ghotli server for some reason, so... you might not see any new images yet. but YAY for now.

listening to: manitoba - i've lived on a dirt road all my life
yes, faithful readers haha, i finally took a sickday. i guess i deserved it, though.
i woke up this morning, and someone had turned the light in my room on. i was facing the window, and though i figured out later that this couldn't have been true, the sky looked really yellow (it was just the light of my room though, somehow) and my whole room and my sheets and my bed and my skin were dripping with yellow. i figured that i could sleep a while longer though, so i closed my eyes. a while later, somebody turned the light off. i opened my eyes. the sky was blue, making my room and my sheets and my bed and my skin blue. it was really eerie, and i was really confused, still half-asleep. a while later, i think i woke up pretty well. the sky, of course, was white and everything in my room was the right color. it was kind of disappointing, so i just layed there in the bed until i fell asleep again. i woke up again at 11:45 and figured i should get up. maybe do some of the homework i fell asleep doing at 10 last night, which is probably the reason mom decided to let me stay home, anyway. called dad to ask him what kinda pills are best to take. since we are out of everything else, he recommended the night-time tylenol cold because i'm at home anyway, and sleeping won't hurt. until i'm up at 2am tonight with my eyes peeling out of my head. ah well. i don't think my body liked dad's perscription. i had a coughing fit as i was taking the first pill. thank god for the sink. pills start to melt after a while though. not very cool.
so now i am sitting here eating a rich chocolate brownie slimfast meal-on-the-go bar. in my snazzy new computer chair. dad said call if it falls apart.
i put brandon's cds in a little package last night to send to him. well i tried, anyway. dad bought a pack of envelopes that are barely big enough for me to stick a slim cd case in. and this time, i am sending brandon 4 cds, so i had 2 slim cases to put in there. after a long struggle, i had sucsessfully closed the package, only to discover a gash i'd created on the front of the package. god damn it. (i love saying 'god damn it' with my hoarse voice.) so i guess i'll just patch it up and everything. but we don't have any stamps... sorry, brandon. god damn me.
i'm trying to sit here and say everything i can possibly think of because i promised myself that when i stop this shit i have to go do at least some of my homework. *cough* history. god damn it. let's see. i've started to make a new, updated list of my cds. woohoo. that's pretty exciting... haha.
OH YEAH i had the craziest dream. god damn me for not remembering these things better.... i just know it had to do with like.. some band. like some mountains folk band kinda thing, featuring kristin hersh and her family. i don't know if her name was kristin hersh but i knew her by the voice. and i was doing like.. a biography kinda article about them? and i might've travelled in time. but they were really interesting. and i think i was the daughter of george bush, or something, because in my article thing i wrote something about despite the ideas of my father mr. bush, i've made my own opinion about the Such And Such Family's band. i LOVED them, of course. so i finished my article (which i wrote onto a CD?) and then some people appeared. i might've kissed brock... i only remember that he was there and that there was a Vibe. but i know i made him give me a piggyback ride, across a river.

listening to: the magnetic fields - 100,000 fireflies

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

today sucks. that's about it. i have a headache. i had a coughing fit at the library trying to essay-brainstorm with margaret. fuck this shit. i want to die. where is my band?

Monday, September 22, 2003

i'm sitting in a cardboard box and my family is taking turns laughing at me. oh well. i should be doing my homework. i'm a genius. plus i'm waiting for jerel to post on DOY, because he said he was going to. so i'm excited. and i can't stop talking to brandon, but what else is new?
today was pretty crappy. everybody got really low grades on the english project. i got my six weeks average for AP U.S. and i'm intensely proud of my 82. how sick is that? i'm pathetic and i make the shittiest grades. what can i say? well... i've still got my cold. mom and i went to therapy thing. we actually talked about school most of the time, which i didn't enjoy. about my stupid non talkness. i don't know. it sucked. that was today. there was another roach in the kitchen. so i had ice cream. mom sprayed lots of bug spray and screamed "SOMETHING'S GOTTA DIE!"

listening to: cat power - rockets
vanilla supreme #1 doctor recommended high protein ensure is DISGUSTING and tastes like pavement

muscle tissue my ass

Sunday, September 21, 2003

laylee is going to take me bra shopping. WEE!
robitussin am: ahahhahaa i just saw a commercial with a guy in it that i thought was cute and i said "wow. i'd put it in him. but, he's probably gay. oh yeah. i have a penis." and then i fell over laughing
robitussin am: i think i just learned a lot about myself in the past two minutes
aww my mommy got me some havardi cheese. i love my mommy.

Saturday, September 20, 2003

come when you need some . you're a pusher

today has been nice. i sat around for most of the afternoon, and helped mom "clean" a little bit. got brandon's cds in the mail FINALLLY (haven't listened to any yet, though, because they all seem way to exciting). called up brock, logically. it was actually just to tell him that i wasn't going to be allowed to go out tonight, because my hoarse throat qualifies as sick to mother. that was too bad because brock and i had planned on going to the copper possum show at neil's tonight to support tim from my latin class. that was sad. but of course brock and i ended up talking for forever on the phone, because that's what we do. in the end, he decided to just come visit me. ("i love living at your house!!") since seeing a good movie does NOT count as going out, mom allowed brock and i to see american splendor, which was quite good. brock discovered for the first time that the armrest in between movie theatre seats goes up, so we got to hold hands for the last half of the movie, which was really nice. i love the boy.
we came home and started watching my dinner with andre. i probably really wasn't in the mood for it, especially after just seeing a completely opposite kind of movie -- very involved, featuring lots of different techniques and strategies of storytelling. my dinner with andre is just very straightforward -- two guys sitting at a dinner table for the entire movie. you could just listen to that movie and it would make perfect sense. i didn't like that at all. i'm too interested in film for that. i got bored with the non-shots and the non-cinematography. it wasn't even anti-cinematography. it was just like "fuck that, i'm above that" not like "fuck that, i'm a movie." i don't know. so i didn't get too into it. there were a few things they said that were really interesting, but a lot of it was stuff i didn't care to hear about it. and i didn't wholly agree with either andre or wally. i know this makes no sense to those of you who haven't seen the movie. oh well. i don't recommend. i'll have to see it again when i care.

listening to: throwing muses - flying
how much fun would it be to have sex in the back row of a movie theatre?
yesterday after school, katherine went with alice and elise to fly kites. i felt really bad because katherine and i were the ones who made plans to fly kites on Day. however, katherine got confused that Day was thurs, not fri, so she couldn't participate on that day. and on fri, i didn't get to see her at all, so i couldn't say "hey let's go fly kites" or "hey i'm busy today, what about tomorrow?" or anything. guilt guilt guilt. sorry, katherine. i hope you had fun.

today mom woke me up at 12 and said i sound like scarlett johansson. i actually really really love her voice, and i WISH i sounded like her. but the compliment wasn't that great because whenever i said anything, it was really painful and mom couldn't hear me and i had to say it like 5 times. mom's method of waking people up is really funny. she'll come in and sit down on my bed and not say anything like "wake up" or "good morning" or anything. she just starts to talk. "you need to put your sheets back on the bed, you're going to ruin the matress. isn't my shirt pretty? morgan and i went to that falling rivers place that used to be moodance. we got one skirt for all of us to share, and one skirt for morgan, and pants and a top for me, but nothing for you because we didn't know what you'd want. you sound like scarlett johansson. you're the only one who loves my earrings as much as me" etc.
also mom rubbed my back. her hands were very warm. it was nice. i love my mommy. the animals all followed her into my room. so irie and goddess were on the bed with us, and bonnie was rubbing her back under the bed.
i got out of bed eventually. i asked mom where dad was, to find me some medicine because he knows about those things. she said "he's working on his face right now." meaning he was shaving. HAHAHAH.

listening to: mogwai - 2 rights make 1 wrong
oh yeah, i gave brock two mixes this morning at school. i always think it's really cool when people post tracklists to mixes on their blogs, so. what a loser am i. plus i can use so that i don't repeat any of these songs on later mixes.

Maiming Binky
01) Eskimo Kisses - Elevator
02) Rainer Maria - Breakfast of Champions
03) Coheed and Cambria - Time Consumer
04) Rx Bandits - Wrong With Me
05) Gordon Gano feat. PJ Harvey - Hitting the Ground
06) Guided By Voices - Everywhere With Helicopter
07) Belly - Slow Dog
08) Pixies - Levitate Me
09) Essential Logic - Aerosol Burns
10) Luscious Jackson - Mood Swing
11) The Decemberists - Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect
12) Saves the Day - The Way His Collar Falls
13) Aimee Mann - Wise Up
14) Liz Phair - Don’t Have Time
15) Molly Angst - The First Beauty Queen
16) Fleabag - Fading Fast
17) AFI - Perfect Fit
18) X-Ray Spex - Oh Bondage Up Yours
19) Flogging Molly - Salty Dog
20) Devotchkas - Hip Hop Kids
21) Bangs - Burnout
22) Desaparecidos - Manana
23) The Peechees - The Restart
24) Tracy + the Plastics - Ooo!
25) Brassy - Work It Out
26) Gravy Train!!!! - Hella Nervous

Mrs. Putnam has the answers
01) Palomar - Slingshot
02) Badly Drawn Boy - Once Around The Block
03) The Moldy Peaches - Who’s Got The Crack
04) The Weakerthans - Aside
05) The Moves - Fucking Charming
06) Polaris - Summerbaby
07) Jeff Buckley - Mojo Pin
08) Belle and Sebastian - Don’t Leave The Light On Baby
09) The Magnetic Fields - 100,000 Fireflies
10) Chug - Flowers
11) The Mountain Goats - Jenny
12) Afghan Whigs - My Curse
13) Jets To Brazil - Starry Configurations
14) Dead Milkmen - Surfin’ Cow
15) Cursive - The Lament of Pretty Baby
16) Hedwig and the Angry Inch - Angry Inch
17) Bis - Secret Vampires
18) Gore Gore Girls - Hunt You Down
19) The Cramps - Bikini Girls With Machine Guns
20) At The Drive-In - One Armed Scissor
21) Anti-Flag - Angry Young and Poor
22) Bad Brains - Pay To Cum
23) The Hissyfits - Something Wrong
24) Bikini Kill - Rah! Rah! Replica

go on and laugh it up, motherfuckers.
neo-rancid makes me want to die.

today feels like the kind of day that i don't really want to blog about because someone else already did. ehhh. very quickly:
lauren dunn gave me a piggy-back ride after our marvelous half-day of school. i love half-days. i wish every day was a half-day. then i could love life. after that, me, brock, elizabeth, jenny, nina, melissa tuttle, lauren d, allison newman, lauren henry, becca quasney, rachel edelman, and charlie grose went to lunch at chile's. i felt loud and obnoxious but i don't mind because i always am. ahaha oh well. fuck me. there were a couple other white station parties there, as well, besdies us. after that, a bunch of people headed for the lovely midsouth fair. fuck that. rachel drove brock home so that he could work on an art assignment, and elizabeth was going to take me home (after we stopped at jenny's house) before those two headed to the fair. once we got to jenny's, she changed clothes twice and purses once, and receieved a million phone calls. because we had sat down at the table, started talking, and couldn't get up. i really like just talking, though, so i didn't mind a bit. they decided that the fair was too expensive anyway. i remembered around 4 that brock said he'd be ready to leave home around then, and that my cell phone is dead so he had no way of getting in touch with me. i called him only to find that he had gotten locked out of his house and all this crazy shit and eventually ended up at rachel's. HAAHAHAHA. but anyway, we went and picked him up, drove to paradiso the ghetto way, and saw matchstick men, which i really enjoyed. toward the end i thought i was going to hate it but i really didn't. plus i love brock movie-lovin. it feels like i've seen a lot of movies with him recently, but i might've made it up. i can't brain. after the movie, brock and i went back to my house, because elizabeth and jenny were going to the football game in fucking collierville. fuck that shit. brock tried to record his rendition of "amazing grace" but hated how it turned out.
mom rented some movies from black lodge and we started to watch this movie called "eat drink man woman" which i found really slow and not that interesting. plus it was chinese, and i was trying to eat cheese and crackers and i missed a lot of the subtitles. brock and i ended up talking through a lot of it, and eventually just went back to my room. i LOVE Windowsill Nights. we lay on the bed with our heads on the windowsill. it was really niceeee. we talked for a long time which, obviously, i loved. talking to brock always makes me really happy. we will never run out of things to say. something about the night (like last saturday, only in a different context) felt like a very sleepover night. maybe more of a sleep-over-because-i-don't-want-to-be-alone-and-i-don't-want-you-to-ever-go night, rather than last week's more of we're-so-cozy-let's-never-get-up-and-you-can-stay-here-forever night. nights nights. i love hot nights. but anyway think of how much fun that would be to have brock spend the night. aww how much fun that would be. maybe one day i can get my mom to talk to his mom, and she'll let him, and we can watch the sun come up. oh i'm melting already. don't worry, brock, it's inevitable that one day we WILL do that shit.
my voice was getting steadily sorer all night long, and at this exact moment i can barely speak above a whisper. but while brock was here, i sounded like a smoker/rockstar. i want to record myself saying/singing something but i can't think of what yet. brock got a kick out of the voice, though. i spoke in sexy french. oh dear god the suaveness of ourselves slays me.

listening to: the libertines - i get along

Thursday, September 18, 2003

The rebel girl
The rebel chick

Which girl stereotype are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

can someone explain to me what avril is doing on there? oh well this is for silliness anyway.
man i don't want to write a long post today but i feel like one is wanting to come....
i found out today that this guy tim in my latin class is in a band called copper possum, who i saw play at neil's this summer, with zoe, because her friend ben is the singer/guitarist for them. tim was announcing a show they are having on saturday, which i thought was a really cool and brave thing to do. i like that kid. i told him that i saw them this summer (bravo for me, because i usually wouldn't go out and say something like that to someone i don't know). he was like "really?" pause. "OH YEAH YOU WERE WITH WHATS-HER-NAME!" i think this is very funny. he probably remembered the crazy girl dancing like a motherfucker. but what the hell, there was a jam band playing and no one else dancing, what was i supposed to do? sit there like a lump on a bumpy ass? of course not. and anyway, joe whats his name and paul warner gave me really funny looks. anything is worth that shit.
rest of the school day was okay. nothing too exciting, nothing too awful. i presented my project in english, and i felt the bigges RELIEF when it was over. i haven't had to do a project that i was actually worried about my grade on in a long time. what's funny is that i knew i had gone over the time limit and everything, and that she hated my visual, and that i can't public speak for ass, but i just couldn't care. i still feel really good.
brock and i got to talk before 4th period, which was really nice. to me, just getting to have little moments with people through the day is so refreshing. and becca walked a different route to 4th period so that she could run into me (and be late) to give me a note. it was very happy, i enjoyed it thoroughly but forgot to tell her so.
after school, we'd planned on having DAY which i was very excited about. there were some complications, however. katherine hadn't realized that i'd been talking about TODAY for Day, so she couldn't come. becca had to go home after school to get her guitar and stuff, and kevin was supposed to bring her and laylee to my house right after. when kevin got home, he found out about a dentist appointment he had, so laylee, becca, and kevin didn't get to my house until 7 or so. brock, of course, did get to come to my house straight after school and we got to just hang out and it was really really nice. we filmed him beating up a dragon (ish. ahahaha.) and dancing around and everything was great. oh there was one really great moment (there were probably a few but i've forgotten the others) when we were burning the fiona apple cd for him. i told him to listen to "the first taste," that he'd love it, and i left the room to find a liz phair cd. i couldn't find it, and started to return from the fruitless venture when i heard this bloodcurdling scream. then "YOU KNOW ME SO WELL!" we had one of our many suave moments where i ran in and hugged him sitting in the swivel chair and we nearly collapsed onto the floor. it was glorious. man tonight was great.
there was a really awkward moment when elise called and made a seriously creepy comment about me and brock. shudder.
so later on, becca and kevin played becca's 2 new songs for us, and we recorded one. (LISTEN TO IT HERE!) the songs are AMAZING. we ended up going to open-mic, where elise, margaret, katherine w, and daniell also were. aside from daniel, tilden, paul lynch, and the beard guy, tonight's crowd was completely unknown to me. this group of people took turns reading about 30 shel silverstein poems. sorry, but i wanted to kill myself. he's not that great. and, sorry, but you're not 7. elise read only one poem. she hasn't been posting lately on DOY, so i hadn't heard it before. becca and kevin played the 2 songs. something happened to "paper hearts" which felt very off, and it was really different from when they played it here. but i'm in LOVE with "hollywood revenge" and not just because becca used something i said for one of the lines. and fucking yay for that, god damn it! i'm really proud of becca. she's too amazing. the night was absolutely great except for that elise was really getting on my nerves. and we barely even said 2 words to each other all night. shit i said i didn't want to go into detail about tonight. oh well. trust me, there were some reeeeeally nice moments. but what can i say? i planned to get some sleep tonight, and i just now finished eating my dinner of granola slimfast bar. life is good.

listening to: the moldy peaches - who's got the crack?

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

what a rollercoaster pathetic excuse for a day i've had. i was up till almost 4am doing projects and various homework. the first part of the day (homeroom, chemistry) was awful, because i was dreading the presentation of my benjamin franklin english project. for some reason i had had my heart SET on not presenting today (i don't know what difference it's supposed to make) but allison told me before school that my name was on the list to present today, and i flipped. so i went into english consumed with dread, only to be told by allison first thing that my name was moved to tomorrow. hooray! i hugged allison. i never hug allison, i only hit her. so that was strange. but i rejoiced all through everyone else's projects. sean dressed up as squanto aka THE VILLAGE PEOPLE and had a hot-pink poster board. the kid is in denial. oh well. i am glad to have time to fix up my visual and some of my notes tonight. (like that's going to happen.) then i had study hall, and i did most of my math homework from last night, and read the chapter for history and highlighted and underlined and practised good-studenting. then i went to latin which was a joke as usual. we had a quiz that was supposed to be an easy grade -- open notes and everything. too bad i had no idea what half the answers were. ah well. then lunch was very nice today. allison, katie, and elizabeth had our lunch because of testing. yayyy. brock fed me cheese and crackers. hoorah, ho. then i ventured to history. being myself, i NEVER ask about "what do we do in such and such a class today?" i don't know, maybe i should start. history was horrifying. we were supposed to have a test on the chapter, but instead we had a group discussion thing. it was AWFUL. i didn't have anything to say, so i didn't. and even if i had i wouldn't have said anything. but in the middle of it, mrs. ervin called on me. she didn't even ask me a question, she just said "alanna." like a command, like i have a brain. that bitch. so i stuttered out something really pathetic and stared at my paper for the rest of the period. afterwards, ms. ervin had to have a talk with me and everything, and tell me how much i suck and i'm going to die. it was awful. i wrote a poem, but it sucks. anyway, after that i had algebra which was pretty shitty too. we have a test tomorrow which i'm going to fucking fail. oh well. after school i was still really upset... everyone was nice to me about it though. i got a long hug from margaret, which was special because she understands how evil ms. ervin is and the act of nearly crying in front of that heartless bitch. god damn. and she also has fear of public speaking, but she doesn't lose her brain the way that i do, when she is called on. robin did the robin thing, and asked details, and talked about how pointless discussions are, and made me feel a little better. fucking ronald wash nearly murdered me with his always being around and killing my soul. fuck that kid. watch your back, ronald. but laylee and becca noticed that i was upset after school when they were pixies-ing and i wasn't responding right. they were very them and hugged me lots and were sweet. brock was brock and made me relate the event and ugh. he doesnt think he's good with comforting but he is. it was nice. after that, everyone else had run off so brock and i sat on the bricks for a while and talked. it was nice. i like his clam, no matter what he says. a while after i'd been at home, he called and we talked on the phone for a long while. it was really nice, because i haven't been able to breathe like that on a weekday for a while. it was great, as talking to him always is. it's so good to just brock ramble. and he keeps me mildly on topic. it's funny. right now i'm trying to eat pizza but my teeth hurt like a motherfucker.
i am really excited about Day tomorrow! at the start of the year, becca, brock, and i decided we should have one day a week where we hang out after school, as a breather. we did it once, and have had conflicts ever since. so i'm REALLY excited that it's going to happen this week. plus friday is a half-day, which i even better. what a great way to end Week Of Hell. i can't wait until 2:15 tomorrow.

listening to: the mountain goats - see america right

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

stay on your guard, matees.
friday is coming

caribou... REPENT! REPENT!

today is ick day. i am avoiding homework, but what else is new? visited one danny weiss this afternoon. for a fucking hour. bastard othrodontist thinks he is too good for me. i'll show him who's boss. who's got the money around here.
one day i'll bite that fucker's hand off.
bad news is that i still have another fucking tooth to come in. what a bitch. i have like 3 teeth anyway, come the fuck on. how much can i ask?
good news is that he kept talking about my braces maybe coming off one day. (this time he estimated that i'd get them off when i turn 36! yes! last time it was 50... i'm so excited.)

i have lots of bullshit to do tonight, lots of projects due this week. eww. well at least it's tuesday, not monday. i plan to Day on thurs this week, so if anyone of you kiddies would like to come along, please feel free. i want to make a party out of it. and if thursday is shit, we can go for tomorrow. just get me out of here for a little while. i should go do some shit, i guess. (you know i never will. okay. not never, unless 5am is the end of the world.)

listening to: pixies - vamos
(as stated previously, i CANNOT stop listening to the pixies. because you know. that maid maria, she is real okay.)

Monday, September 15, 2003

don't know why i'm blogging. i have a shitload of work to do tonight and i have to leave for the therapist soon. okay. right now. nevermind.

Sunday, September 14, 2003

someone please come listen to them with me one day this week. because i can't keep quiet about how great they are. someone needs to know.
i fell asleep snuggling a cow.
today was really good. man, though, my blog is totally dying. ughh i can't keep this up. oh well.
today was the cooper-young festival. i sat around the house, sort of trying to find someone to go with all day long. i knew that a lot of people had wanted to go, but couldn't for various reasons. (katherine d, sallis, laylee, brock were stuck at home with school bullshit. ew.) but i didn't want to go alone and then wonder around for my entire life trying to find them. but that's what i ended up doing. dad dropped me off near first congo, and very shortly after i ran into morgan (sister, not fox) with a couple of her friends (sara/foot and duncan). we walked around for a while. morgan had seen tarah a while earlier, who wrote her cell phone number (and "i love you!") on some little piece of paper for me. i called her, and eventually found her at java. we didn't really get to hang out, because foot was trying to find her mom and i was still walking around with them for god knows what reason. i saw zoë and miranda briefly, which was nice. we accumulated a larger group of 8th and 9th graders that i didn't know and stood around doing things that weren't very interesting for morgan and me, for a while. so morgan and i were like "okay let's go to bella sun" and i swear i thought everyone was following us... i guess not. so we ended up watching that all alone, but they were great of course. they played with a BAND, too. (well drums and bass. you know.) it was really interesting. jesus christ frank black is so sexy when he sings in spanish. or when he sings in english. or when he breathes. so at the very end of the set, elise, lauren d, and alice arrived. it was somewhat distracting. oh well. HANGWIRE! we stood around and talked for a bit. oh yeah, leah's dad recognized me from like. the one time we met, and he talked to me about film and dauchsands and black vs white rap. a funny little man. funny because i might not have recognized him if i didn't love this picture katherine d took of him. i love it because it's just like. some old guy grinning in front of tombs. aahaha. my humor needs a sound check. (that was a pretty good pun, if i do say so myself.) anyway. then mutant spacebats of doom played. i liked the hi-tone show better, because it was longer and much more rock n roll, and there were some tech issues as well as more obvious fumblings of the band today. (and by the way, those are SOOOO my mp3s on their website. hell yes! i wish they'd credited me. how much an i ask, though? you can hear me and co. screaming and sometimes speaking through the tracks.) but you know me, i still danced like a crazy fool ass this afternoon. it was fun. after that, i walked to java cabana with elise, alice, and lauren. suddenly foot appeared, who morgan had been looking for ever since we lost them before bella sun. she and morgan were leaving, and i thought they were going home, which apparently they weren't. but i think foot's mom was meant to be my ride-ish. so i was like well i don't want to go home, elise would you mind dropping me off when you guys leave? and she made the gaggy creep ass noise and said she couldn't because she didn't know what her plans for later were. this made no sense to me. i wasn't asking to come along, i was just asking if she could take me home after she left co-yo. but anyway i was like "fuck this, i don't want to beg to hang out with someone who (a) obviously didn't want me to stick around and (b) i wasn't having a marvelous time with in the first place." so fuck that shit. i went outside, because morgan and foot had already stepped out, but they had disappeared. so i was entirely without a ride. at that point it was obvious that i wasn't going to go back in and beg for a ride from elise. i decided instead to just hang out alone until dad could come get me. but amazingly enough, i happened to walk back towards the spacebats show, and i ran into elizabeth, jenny, and rocio. i started to hang out with them, before i decided to call my dad, but elizabeth said she'd take me home anyway. we walked around and listened to a little bit of another bad, outside first congo. we saw morgan (fox, this time). i love that man. he came over and gave me a very good hug, with his glitter and silly sunglasses. then we walked around some more, ran into christie and katherine warren for the second, brief time. we ended up going in a big circle, to find ice cream. there were a couple times when we saw elise walking around with other people. we once made a half-assed attempt to catch up to her, but that didn't really work out. and we didn't really want to hang out with some friends she'd made at theatre whatever or elementary school or bridgebuilders or whever these happened to be from. but it's weird, to think about it now, that it this "oh, there goes elise." thing, which, if i had seen her with ANYONE last year, i would've sprinted a block to catch up. well not that i would've been able to see her a block away, in the middle of cooper-young festival. but you know what i mean. oh well, things change. and i had a great time anywa. anyway, we asked this old guy where he got his damn ice cream. turned out to be just across the street from java. he offered us the rest of his, though HAHAHA. and just as i was buying my large $3 vanilla/chocolate swirl cone (with a damn $20 bill, too. what an ass am i.) my fucking phone rang. it's really hard to balance like four things at once in only some two hands. but anyway it was BROCK. we just sort of talked for a few minutes, because i assumed that he wasn't able to get out of the house yet. i guess i thought it was earlier in the day than it was, or something (like 5:30). but i randomly was like "you need to be here, to look at all the pretty people with us." (ben siler was walking by.) and so he did. and it was good. and god made cheese. yum yum yum. while we were sitting by that damn M restaurant at the cooper-young intersection, christie and katherine w again made an appearance, but this time they actually stuck around. so we were all sitting around waiting for the beautiful brock to arrive. it was exciting. at one point, i realized it was like 5:50 and he was supposed to be there, so i walked around to see if he'd sat down someplace on the other side of the gazebo. i was just walking along and this guy was randomly like "can i take your picture?" i said "sure" and accidentally assumed my picture pose thing, when i sort of put my weight on one foot and do an unintentional hip-jut. i'm afraid i looked assy, but i don't really care. he was just like "okay" and ran off after that, though. it was interesting, to say the least, because i was definitely not one of the strangest-looking people there. maybe i was the happy medium he was looking for? HAHA no too ugly for that. anyway, brock wasn't there. so i went back to the groupity, to find russell standing there among them. he was wearing double plaid and thrift, and he is funny. i like him. he danced crazy with me at battle of the bands. that is a meaningful experience. he gives me hugs too, which i adore, because hugs are my favorite thing. anyway, brock eventually showed up, fashionably late. i was excited to see him, of course, but instead of just doing my stupid little normal standing there and not showing any excitability at all thing, i jumped around and gave him a huge running hug, which turned into a moviesque spinning hug, in which (because of my smallness) i was lifted off the ground and spun and spun. it was something like a kevin bird-flight thingie, only not so flighty in the airness, and more huggity. i've never hugged brock around his neck, probably, because it's too far away. oh well.
advantages of smallness: being really easy to spin around, therefore getting spun around all the time mostly on accident
disadvantages of smallness: hard to see a damn thing. but concerning human contact, it's impossible to reach a tall person's upper body. so it would be ridiculous if one attempted to hug a tall person's neck, or hit their fucking head without it taking 20 minutes and depriving you the option of surprise attack, or spontaneously kiss them, unless you're aiming for their stomach.

soon after that, becca and william appeared. becca and i had a gloriously long hug and somewhere in the middle of it, we fell over?? i'm not really sure how that happened, but we ended up lying on the sidewalk for a while laughing. it was fun. she was wearing no shoes, which i thought was a very dumb idea. because i grew up in cooper-young. but oh well she is hardcore, what can i say? she told william that i have wife qualities and made him touch my hips. it was interesting. he had to bend over to hug me. it was really really funny. since he was bent, i was then able to hug his neck. exciting. i have never done such a funny hug. he also ended up picking me up, and it was very nice. i wish everyone would do that. william also said that i am papoose worthy. hell yes. so eventually, they skipped merrily away. we sat around and people watched. fucking TOSH walked by. i don't know if he still goes to white station. probably not. his persona is so anti-last year. then he was goth ski-boots motherfucker, now he's indie dreads kid. odd transformation, but it would be interesting to talk to him again. stranger still, a few seconds after he walked by, CLIFF (his sidekick from last year's first semester b-lunch) walked in the other direction. christie, katherine, and i were like "fucking cliff!!!" he sat on our table on like the second week of school, when we still sat inside, and broke that damn thing. no wonder we started sitting outside, we were trying to escpe the wrath of cliff+tosh. what a team. anyway, the three of us ran after that motherfucker. he was wearing this big purple hat, and i don't know how we managed to, but somehow we lost him. it was sad. but on our way down cooper, we saw a beautiful boy so we went and stood next to him for like 5 minutes. it was fun. he was really fucking pretty. the prettiest boy at the whole festival. and too bad we are the only 3 who got to see that pretty damn boy. so we mosied back over to the rest of the group, who were standing around with lauren, sophie, jeff, elise, and possibly some of elise's other friends? christie and katherine took off, elise and co. took off, and jenny and rocio went to walk around while elizabeth, brock, lauren, jeff, sophie, and i had dinner at young ave deli. it was not crowded, which i was surprised, but very pleased, to see. i had a cheeseburger because they weren't serving my favorite hot dog dish on the menu, because of the festival and the crowd and whatnot. wahhh. brock and i hung out by the jukebox, which felt very Rock. i reenacted the kill hannah jukebox moment, that was exciting. we picked "debaser," "a day in the life," and "jungle boogie." what a playlist. unfortunately, we had to leave before they played them. aww. it was an okay dinner, but really short compared to what i'm used to. lauren had to get picked up, though, or something. jeff and sophie didn't order anything, because they weren't hungry anyway. it was strange. sophie hugged me though, and said things like "i love you! i miss you! i need to see you more often!" which was really funny to me. i barely said but 3 words to her through the whole thing, i think, which wasn't really on purpose but i probably should've been nicer. jeff seems like a nice guy, but i always get the impression that he's just simply being a nice guy by being wherever he is, rather than "i'm having fun here." i just haven't seen him in the right situations, i guess. maybe that dinner just felt especially short because i was nowhere near done eating when we left. i had like 30 gazillion fries left, even though they were really damn good. i also had half a fucking hamburger and an entire coke (no refill, either). we started walking along cooper, towards union, when we spotted william and becca again. i think lauren had already disappeared, by then, and after a couple minutes of talking brock was like "alanna how are we getting home?" (and by home, he meant my house. i LOVE it that he invites himself over. i LOVE that. to me, that is pure closeness with someone. when you assume that you're going to be with them all day long, until someone makes you leave. i love it.) anyway. william VERY CHEERILY volunteered. i was really surprised, because lately i have heard some things about his stand-offishness towards becca's friends. and he did that big gushery smile, which is actually very cute. it was very happy. elizabeth, jenny, and rocio kind of disappeared, i don't remember any formal goodbye ceremonies. william and becca were leaving c-y at the same time, anyway, so it wouldn't REALLY have mattered who took us back home, except it did. it really made the rest of the night, if you know what i mean. it dealt that damn deck. it closed that damn deal. it was fucking good. william had parked in a REALLY WEIRD spot, that was blocks and blocks away from the north block-off on cooper. when we lived on felix, we just walked from home obviously. (felix is one street over from young.) we've normally just parked on felix in years since. parking on the west side of cooper just makes much more sense to me. but william had parked like. i don't know. it was insane. it was right next to east parkway, only blocks and blocks from the actual festival. and he got a ticket for parking there anyway. ANYWAY i'm not complaining about the walk, because it was quite exciting. brock threw this wad of my never-ending hamburger at william and he refused to believe that it wasn't me. he had a big ketchup on his back too. ahha oh funny. i had a lot of fun being silly with william tonight. it was nice, and i enjoyed his company lots. i pelted becca with little bits of hamburger. not ketchupy ones, though. she had on a very nice shirt, with a little strappy back thing. and at some point i think her feet were hurting (barefootness) so william piggy-backed her the rest of the way. for some reason, brock was carrying my coke (which got more spilled than sipped) and he started to flick it on becca's back. she was like "it's raining!!" all cute and happy. it was really funny. i died laughing. ohh i'm mean. oh well, it was too much fun. so william tried to take a detour to my house. he said it was "the long way" anyway, but he was trying to avoid the traffic for some huge game that was happening. we ended up in ghettoville. we got laughted at and dissed by more black people than you could count on all your limbs. it was great fun. to counter the rap attack of the surrounding windows-down vehicles, we blasted yeah yeah yeahs, dandy warhols, squirrel nut zippers, and an assortment of strange ethnic songs. though we were taking the detour, we were still stuck in AWFUL traffic for like 6 blocks of pain. it was so much fun. william played a cover of "mr. grieves" for me by this band called TV on the Radio. i've heard stories that he's very snobbish about music in his car and usually refuses to tell people the names of bands he's listening to. i don't know, but that was NOT the case tonight. i loved the cover, and he played at least one other song by the band. i really liked it, said so, and he told me he'd make me a copy of the cd. when he dropped us off at my house (finally) he actually handed me his cd though. it was really nice. also, as soon as brock and i got out of the car, it started to rain. so we ended up dancing in it for like 20 minutes. it was too much fun. we attempted to tango down my driveway, and brock mutilated his foot. i didn't think he was as hurt as implied by the bruise he sported later in the evening, however. poor brock's foot. i'm sending my good karma to that piece of shit. anyway we danced all around the driveway, ran down the street, jumped around in the beautiful light of a streetlamp, and splashed around in this great, massive, deep puddle that always forms across the street from my house in a dip in the road. it was great. not only did brock sing shakira and shake his ass, he dragged me down the driveway twice. we attempted a leg-lift thing. fwhaha. hijinx ensue. and they were great. rain is too much fun. we came inside absolutely soaking. somehow my family didn't even notice that we'd been at home for a while, and they didn't question our wetness at all. they just assumed that we got THAT wet coming from the car into the house i guess. ahahaha oh well. i didn't say anything about dancing around outside because it felt like something too special to just proclaim like that, i guess. it was really beautiful though. i want to swing dance. i love the feeling of being wet and i love how people look when they're wet, especially at night and wearing their normal clothes. to me, it's just so eerie and out of place-ish that it makes them resemble pixies or something, i don't know. it's just otherworldly. i don't know how to explain it. but i love the feeling of being wet, still, in the big comfiness of the dry house, in dry clothes, but still essentially very wet. the comfy feeling might have also come out of the fact that i put on my pajamas and everything. brock had to borrow my dad's shorts HAHAHAHAAHHAAHHAAHAHHAAHAHAH anyway i had wanted to have another windowsill kinda night, but that wasn't going to happen what with the rain. we ended up falling into the coziness of the couch, because that really did feel like the appropriate place to exist, with our wet. morgan and mom were about to watch "blow dry" which the family minus morgan had watched last night. i didn't mind seeing it again, it was a fun movie. featuring josh hartnett the fetus. we had popcorn, which is always very happy because i'm still not used to our genius new microwave. i was glad that brock's mom let him stay for the whole movie. at one point, dad was like "so, brock, are you spending the night?" and usually when he makes silly, off comments/questions they annoy me. but that one made me happy, just knowing that it wouldn't have been an issue for my parents, even if it is for his. and i wish it wasn't. the night would've been perfect times 10 if he could have. it had the comfy feeling that spending the night would've been just heavenly. oh well, we have a lot of homework to do tomorrow, so even if his parents weren't Issued, they might not have let him. before he left, we looked around for his lost wallet but had no luck. unfortunate. he needs to go get his new permit so that he can get his license before they run away and leave us for cordova's skank ass. oh yeah, good time speech auditions are tomorrow. PLEASE guys, come try out. this play is going to be fun and strange, and they need lots of people for it. ahaha i don't even know if i'm going to go yet. but pleeeease go. i guarantee a great time, whether or not you're really into theatre (which i am NOT). uhh. i can't think of anything nice to say to end this post.
today i appreciated my shortness and group-hopped lots and loved to dance. i've been drinking this root beer for fucking 4 hours or something. okay literally more like .... 4. ahahah shit.

listening to: squirrel nut zippers - ghost of stephen foster

Sunday, September 07, 2003

this is supposed to be my weekend. i really do want to elaborate for now i'll just tell you that it involved:

(this post was actually written late at night a few days ago, but blogger keeps going down when i try to post it.)

god i've been totally neglecting my blog this week.... my eyes are falling out right now, but i really wanted to post about the tori/bed show. on monday we woke up early, picked up elise, and drove to atlanta. we made it in less than 7 hours, when we had been anticipating 8. we ate at chick-fil-a and played spot-the-tori-fan. we got to the show relatively early, which was nice because parking was incredibly difficult. the show was in an outdoor amphitheatre in the middle of this park. we had pretty good seats -- they were the best ones left when dad ordered them. elise and morgan got shirts right as we entered, and dad got the new ben folds EP. he's doing this thing where he just releases a bunch of EPs in a row instead of albums, which i think is really really stupid because i loathe EPs. i think whoever invented EPs is an idiot asshole. why the fuck would i want to buy an EP which is the equivalent of less than half an album, or contains a few songs already on an LP plus a couple obscure tracks that the band didn't like enough to put on the real record. what the fuck. who wants to waste money on that shit. so fuck ben folds' EP idea, because i think it's shit. i wouldn't buy 5 damn ben folds EPs when i could just buy 2 albums. and anyway i wouldn't buy his albums in the first place, so there's no issue here. anyway. elise got a green ben folds shirt that says "rock this bitch" and morgan got the tori amos lottapianos tour shirt, which is very cute. after i show i got the "crazy" tori shirt, which is nice but i actually saw somebody with a shirt i would've liked better. i should've checked out the other booth. ah well. ANYWAY. so once we found our seats and got settled in we barely had to wait at all before ben folds came out, very unceremoniously. i liked his nonchalance about the whole thing he seemed very geek, which i like as well. but he was also a total performer -- he managed to have a rockstar stance, even sitting/standing at the piano bench. something i'm still trying to figure out whehter i liked or not: he was solo, so it was just him and the piano obviously. sometimes he'd try to get the audience to sing the horn parts or something on the songs, and teach them to us before the song and then sort of try to cue us in when the time came. it was fun and all, i guess, but i hate that it was an imitation of hte studio versions of the songs. if he wanted saxophone, why didn't he bring along his saxophonist friends? the more i think about it the more it bugs me. the crowd was obviously NOT there for ben folds... there was a lot of chitchat during his set, and through the whole thing people were still coming in and out. it really bugged me that people were being so disrespectful, and elise kept saying "I HATE THIS CROWD!" when people weren't incredibly enthusiastic about singing the horn bits, or hearing certain songs or something. i thought that was very silly. what can you expect from a crowd wanting to see tori amos? i don't think that a lot of tori fans are big ben folds fans, and for a lot of people those are two very different kinds of music. ben folds is, in a lot of ways, totally opposite from tori. as stated, he's a total geeky little performer guy and he stood on the piano and tried to make us sing along and all that. his lyrics are nice, but very opposite from tori's style (and i'm sorry, i absolutely love her lyrics). same with his piano skillz. he played for about an hour, and it was nice, but i really don't like him any more than i did before the show.... which isn't all that much. i, like most of the kids there, know a few ben folds songs but am not that greatly intruiged by them. he's a whiny white guy, what else is there to say? elise said that his set was very good, and i trust her because she knew every song he played. i can't find a list of the songs right now, but they should put one up at this site soon. anyway. bravo, ben folds. you were a funny kid.
we didn't have to wait long at all before tori came onstage. before she entered, there was a ‘voiceover' kinda deal of "wampum prayer" before the band came in. they started to play before tori flittered out onto the stage wearing ... well she looked like a little flame from where we were. she was in orange and yellow...? i remember how it looked in my head, but i can't translate it into real colors, oddly enough. she opened with "a sorta fairytale" which seemed so very obvious, but i didn't really mind. she played a LOT from scarlet's walk. in the past when i've seen bands/artists promoting their new album, they don't tend to play THAT much material from it. in fact, she didn't play anything from choirgirl... it was like when ani played nothing from not a pretty girl when i saw her at new daisy. oh well, it was okay. unlike with the ani situation, choirgirl is NOT my favorite album, by far. the set was really good, though as i said, a little too much scarlet for me. i wish i could've seen her a few years ago... oh well, too bad for me. i wish i was older. i won't go into it right now because then i'd just get depressed about missing the entire riot grrrl movement. ohhhh. anyway. the way they were set up, tori had one main piano and she could turn around on the bench(?) and play another piano, or a keyboard. sometimes she played two different ones at once, and it was quite awesome. there were times when just the band would be playing and she sort of supported herself on the two pianos, with her back to the audience... like i've read, a tori show is a very magical experience. i loved hearing different versions of familiar songs -- she played some classic solo ones with the band, and some classic band ones solo, so change is good. the lighting was very high-tech, also. i really love lighting at shows, because i think that even if it's cheap as shit, it can be really powerful. no lighting is nice too, but you know what i mean. it's just so very *rockstar* and i love that kind of thing. i'd love to do lights for a muisican. or be a roadie. or be in a fucking band. where is my damn band? somebody come over and bring any sick excuse for an instrument that you have got. anyway i guess it would be really sickening for me to go through the whole set list, when you can read it here. elise knew about 7 songs, i think, not counting the covers -- "i'm on fire" by bruce springsteen, "nights in white satin" by the moody blues, and an improv break into "feel the earth move" by carole king, in the middle of tori's song "take to the sky." i think elise would've at least recognized some more songs if she'd been listening to the albums we played in the car all the way to atlanta, but that's not my problem. the last song of the set was "precious things" which was amazing of course. that's a really intense song, and as it turns out, even more so live, what with tori grabbing her crotch and singing/playing a lot more fiercely than the album version. i think on the first few listens to that song, it's really easy to miss the anger, which is such the driving force for the song. oh and also during "father lucifer" (SO glad she played that!) she gave the finger to the "girls who eat pizza and never gain weight" which i loved, because it's a great line, even though it made me feel silly for being skinny. hahaa oh well. she left the stage briefly, and of course returned shortly, with two songs for an encore. first she played "god" which also felt a little obvious. she also fucked up one of the lines, which was amusing, and later in the song, instead of "god, sometimes you just don't come through," sang "tori, sometimes you just don't come through, girl." that was amusing. then she played "mary" and left the stage again. i'm very glad she came back for a second encore, because i think "mary" would've been a very disappointing close for hte evening. she came back and played an uber-long version of "space dog" featuring the andromeda improv opener, which made me REALLY happy. i'd sort of vibed for her to play that all night. that and "doughtnut song" which she played directly after. and right after THAT, as the final song, she played "your cloud" (which is the song that reprsents Memphis on teh scarlet's walk album) so i think i was just sending subliminal messages to tori through that end bit. it was a sweet little close. all in all, she'd only played one song i didn't know -- a b-side called "tombigbee" which i quite enjoyed. 8/24 songs from scarlet which has been my least favorite album, actually, but maybe i'll appreciate it more after having heard/seen some of it live. i have much better appreciation for the song "nights in white satin" now that i have heard tori's version. well okay. maybe not appreciation. but tori can make anything sound sincere, genuine, and beautiful (instead of the world's cheesiest piece of shit song ever). i was SO glad that she played "bells for her," also, because i'd really been in the mood for that one in the car on the way to atlanta earlier that day. also the way she ennunciates "blaaaan-ket" in the live version is so lovely. oh tori i hardly knew ye. why did you go and leave me? she played only 3 songs from pele which really is my favorite album, i think, even thoguh all the critics say it is the most "challenging" and "difficult" one. they like to generalize it because it's the one that was made after tori broke up with an important boyfriend, the way that they generalize jagged little pill into being so intensely angry. fucking critics. i'd be the best critic ever. not really, because my reviews would end up being exactly like this. i like that tori's b-sides are just as important as her album tracks. most of them are b-sides because they didn't want to be on the albums, according to tori. she played 4 of those, and i was proud to know 3 of them. the tori audience is, as i have discovered, NOT a dancing one. maybe it was just the venue or something, but we remained in our seats the whole time. i would've liked to stand for part of the time, maybe, but i would've been blocking the view for kids behind me and i didn't want to be rude. maybe we were just in the wrong part of the crowd, or something. but the dancing mostly consisted of rocking back and forth in one's seat. the amphitheatre sported 2 huge-screen TVs on either side of the stage, and they had quite a few nice close-ups of tori looking incredibly elfish and beautiful. i really enjoyed her solo set (3 songs) in the middle of the show, but i thought the band was great fun to watch. the bassist sometimes played this crazy thing that looked like a tiny upright bass.... no idea what that was. and sometimes the drummer played with mallets, rather than sticks. he also could play the bongos with one hand and the maracas with the other, which probably isn't that great, but impressed the hell out of me.
the show was amazing, and i'm so glad we went. it was really strange getting in the car afterwards, where we'd actually been listening to "father lucifer" on boys for pele and sort of thinking "wow this voice was just a human flame on that stage." or maybe it was just really late and i was tired. we stopped at some gas station to eat food and change into our uniforms before falling asleep on the long trip back to memphis. and at school, i wasn't even that tired. imagine that.

listening to: tori amos - the doughnut song
(dear god, go download this song. okay at least read the lyrics. it's amazing.)
this weekend has been the media co-op film festival! i forgot to post it, but on thursday night "get up" and "untouchable face" were shown in a shorts program. last night, after all the films had been shown, WE WON A $400 GRANT FOR UNTOUCHABLE FACE AOGPWHPOHWHIADEOHPOAIHSGPEH

we're thinking of investing in a robot to do all our homework for us, so that we'll actually have time to make movies.

many many many thanks to the media co-op + the judges + everybody else that ever took us seriously. we love you forever.