Sunday, February 29, 2004

the server is acting up right now, but when it comes back you should be able to check out pictures from friday's PONO NITE and last night with brittany. but for now, i've got too much work (and brandon) to be able to blog right. so you have to wait.

Friday, February 27, 2004

if everyone could please listen to "the key" by kristin hersh, it would be very much appreciated because i want to make a video for it. so if you could think about images and ideas and whatever comes into your head when you listen to it, and give me suggies, it would be very much appreciated.

listening to: pixies - subbacultcha
bare feet
Barefoot- free, rebellious, and wild, you hate
boundries and rules. You tend to be on the
crazy side and often sweep people up along with
you. You are most likely the leader of your
group of friends.
What Kind of Shoe Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

last night i had an adventure with a bottle of lemonade... thank you, brett hanover.

Thursday, February 26, 2004

i think you forgot that we should be friends
i think you forgot to call me again

today/night sucks and i want to die. i'm thinking of running around in the cold outside with a camera... probably not.

listening to: 7 year bitch - the midst
anyone up for ditching this dump? with me?
many of you already know that i was not in attendance at white station today. unfortunately for me, i missed the pan-african program, and my damned oral presentation in history. this morning at about 4:15am, i was gladly starting on my last article for the engilsh project. i can't remember why, but i opened up the last one i had done, and it was ... gone. of course. not in the sense of "hello, i am the devil computer, and i just ate your damn file. sorry?" but "hello i am the text file and i am only one paragraph now." i nearly died. i looked through all the recent files and all the auto-saved stuff to see if it would resurface, but to no avail. i decided there was no way that at 4:30 i could redo that essay and finish the others. first i thought i'd just finish everything else, and just be missing an article. i decided to start printing out my history stuff in the mean time, and surprise! when i opened it, my outline was there but everything else was gone. i sat there for a minute, and then went the fuck to bed. about an hour and 15 minutes later, mom was waking us up for school. i could barely move i was so tired, but i managed to get out of bed and show her my dead files. she let me stay home to work on them, but i went back to bed because i could barely stand. guess when alanna wakes up? 2:45pm, when her cell phone starts ringing. fuck fuck. i am too afraid to open any of my other files, because i'm afraid they'll all be gone. i haven't gotten anything done and i want to die. awoeihpaoeghopwahgpiwhoe
two more articles!
one more essay!
oral presentation to tweak!
i want everyone to listen to "the key" by kristin hersh RIGHT NOW with no exceptions because it's the most beautiful song in the world ever, and it never fails to make me a little bit happy. i want to do a video to that song, if i can think of anything good enough...
GOAL: 1 hour of sleep tonight
MET: 30 minutes of accidental nappage
CURRENT CONDITION: near dead, and attempting to sustain myself with gross slimfast product
my stomach is full of waffle finally, and my head is full of sleep, and my hands are full of type type type. this is bad bad bad. i want to be beds.

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

i've been looking at all these pictures of the gay marriages going on, and i'm crying again.
see for yourself.
some of you have heard this story, but i want to tell it so that i'll remember it for myself later. the other night i stayed up really late doing homework, and i walked into the kitchen where i found this rainbow "THANK YOU" note. it was from our lesbian neighbors karen and lois, who recently adopted a baby boy from russia. mom had given them some books for him, hence the note. the first paragraph was your standard "we love the books!" response, but the second was something about "thank you so much for supporting us... we're so glad to have friends like you who understand" etc. it being very late, i couldn't get it through my head that there should be anything wrong with what they are and how they live... i knew that there were things up against them, but at 2am i really couldn't understand why. i got very upset.
and now i'm looking at these pictures, which are so beautifully happy and at the same time really upsetting. i don't know.

listening to: frou frou - track 3(?)
AAGHHHHH!!! WHY!!!?!????
the pro bono video looks awful. let's all hope i forget to bring it to school tomorrow.

Monday, February 23, 2004


listening to: pixels - gigamuffin (pixies tribute)

school was yick today. therapy went surprisingly well, though. i am starving, but in a good mood.

Sunday, February 22, 2004

i saw "red paint" again tonight, and i thought it went quite well. bravo to the cast... especially morgan and william. bitches. you're hott.
friday: so i ended up applying to 5 AP classes. i obviously don't plan to take all of them. but yeah. it's crazy. anyway. after school, mom picked me up so that we could go get my permit. but she was a little late, and that place was crowded as hell. i didn't feel like i'd studied enough that i was confident i'd pass. and what's the point of being at that damned place forever if you're going to have to come back very soon? so we left, and i came home. i sat around for a while, and napped in morgan's bed until like 5:30. i'd been waiting to hear from some people about doing the pro bono video, and we finally made plans to meet at audoban park, although it was way too dark to film anything. dad drove me there after he took morgan to theatreworks, but we drove around for half an hour and could NOT find my damn friends. at this point, i was sure that the night was going to be horrible but it got a lot better. evenutally i met up with alice, LA, and allison at ck's where i had some grilled cheese and nice. by that time, i'd heard that poor brock was in a small wreck although when i called, he was still there and couldn't talk.
the four of us went to super target and tried on bras, which was super fun only that it's impossible to find something that fits. where is laylee? where is my bra-shopping with laylee day? at any rate, we ran around super target and got icees. then somehow we got horribly lost and ended up in fucking eads. some woman in the car next to us, at the end of walnut grove, tried to hit on us. we got to shelby farms, but were terrified and left for galloway gardens to lay on the golf course. we rolled down a hill about 203597 times before laying out a blanket to cuddle on. alice, LA, and i were very snuggly but allison was ... not. i don't think she had fun at ALL that night, and she kept trying to go home. it was bad, and i don't think she wants to hang out with us again. plus she kind of killed the mood, but i tried not to pay attention to it. at home, eileen was spending the night. we tried to watch "lost in translation" but we all fell asleep on the couch.
saturday: i woke up, and talked to mom for a while. she is really good to talk to, and i should start doing that more. i never talked to katherine, so we didn't get to go drum shopping yet. which is upsetting, but i think we're going to ask robin about her dad's old set this week. woo! at any rate. i can't really remember what happened during the day, except for seeing morgan and eileen a bit. i cleaned, and at 3, alice, LA, and brock came to pick me up. we grabbed the camera and high-tailed it over to overton park where we filmed the pro bono video. we had a lot of ideas, but only ended up doing one of them -- the one that no one is going to pay attention to on the announcements. oh well, we can do some more maybe. it took us forever to do just this little 30 second video, so knows. when we finished, we were STARVING so we went to wendy's. sallis called me, and i'm sad that i couldn't see him at all this weekend. baby love, forgive me... anyway, i got home around 6:15. morgan, eileen, and amelia were cuddling on the sofa watching "blue citrus hearts" and mom and dad were getting ready to go out to eat. this was bad. i had to clean my room, and then i'd be alone at home with no ride to becca's for our super sleepover night of death. i was upset. i talked to sallis on the phone for a while as i cleaned, but i don't think he's big on phones and he didn't stick around. then i switched off talking to laylee and becca for forever. finally, kevin said he'd pick us up, which i felt horrible about. the boy is a sweet sweet thing. laylee and i got to becca's around 10, where we watched "the cell" on becca's lovely green couch and talked all night. it's really crazy thinking that in all the time we've known each other, the three of us have never hung out alone... i wish we'd done it before now. i had a nice time, though.
sunday: so i'm apparently a massive cover hog. i slept in the middle of becca's futon and caused damage to the population of the world. we woke up at 11am, and laylee had to leave pretty much right away. that was sad. becca and i had breakfast, which was toast and hot chocolate from powder that william made himself. we talked to becca's mom, which i really enjoyed. then my mom came to pick me up. and that's about all. i'm avoiding homework. alack alack.

Friday, February 20, 2004


one thing about me staying up to finish work-- no matter how late it is, after i finish brushing my teeth, i MUST clean something in the surrounding bathroom area. it never fails.

Thursday, February 19, 2004


this is my new contest.
what classes do i take next year?!
YOU decide!
(but do it quickly because my AP apps are due tomorrow...)

japanese 1
ap psychology
ap latin
ap english
honors english
ap statistics
honors pre-cal
honors physics ("the most poetic of the sciences" according to my mother)

pick five!
prove you love me!
well, mom forgot about taking me to the dmv today. so i'm still over 6 months away from the world of driving.
at any rate, today was a lot better than i thought it'd be. even though i stayed up until 2am finishing my homework that i didn't start until 11pm, i was not tired at all today, except for about 20 minutes in 7th period. i think today was just so good because of yesterday's afternoon/evening of NICE THINGS, and of course the beeeeautiful weather. we sat outside on the "grass" for lunch. it was so nice.
after school, alice, brock, and i went to backyard burger. this has become a weekly ritual, apparently. and i like it very much. those kids are very good post-school talkers, and i lub em. i wish i could do nice things every day... life would just be a lot better. i believe that wholeheartedly, too. bitches.
i got to davis-kidd around 4, and by 5 i still hadn't been picked up. i was really nervous that my mom had already come and i hadn't been there, and that i was being left to rot and die. i tried to work on as much homework as i could in the meantime, though. who should show up while i was gazing horrifically at an AP psychology application, but the dear sir sallis! even though he was only there for a few minutes, and during most of that time i was borrowing his cell phone, it was quite good to see him. i love the boy, and i really wish i got to see him more often.
so, mom was simply running late, due to a detour in spain, and eventually picked me up at like 5:30. she bought a milk chocolate with caramel bar for me and morgan as an apology. it was a damn good apology. we each had a piece and sat in pure silence for two whole minutes, just savoring that damn chocolate. it was a beautiful moment. my family-- lovers of chocolate, if nothing else.

listening to: the simpsons

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

i'm going to try and take my driving permit test thing tomorrow, with a very low knowledge level. everyone wish me luck! aya!
brock called to ask me a question about math homework. so obviously, we stayed on the phone for four hours. and we only stopped because his phone died. holy christ, i love the boy.
we're no longer winning any drums on ebay. this pleases me.
catching up quickly... monday was a half-day. we didn't do anything because you really can't on a half day. afterwards, i went to lunch at rafferty's with sallis, brock, and alice. i love those kids... then we came to my house, where morgan, eileen, and foot were hiding. we watched a few music videos and things before katherine came to meet us. we rerecorded the "hamster lovin" song because in the old version, we were all really tired, and inappropriate laughter in the middle. sallis also added a hamster rap bridge. ooh excitement. after sallis and eileen left, and morgan and foot went off to explore math homework, the concept of the day finally came around. basically, "band practice" consisted of bidding on drumsets on ebay. katherine, alice, and brock thought up a nice concept for a song though, which we recorded so that no one would forget it. after katherine and alice left, brock and i hung out for a little while before heading over to his house where he ate and his family further deepened their suspicions that i'm anorexic. then we drove over to eudora churchy and sat with hunter to enjoy the music of memphis youth symphony. katherine and alice were lovely! bravo bravo! the concert ended somewhat late, but i was a bad girl and stayed talking longer than i should've. dad called and asked if they could come get me, and i said to pick me up at brock's because we were just leaving. none of us had realized that it was 10. mom had to pick me up, and she was sick. i don't know why dad didn't do it. we got caught by a train and some old people and didn't get home until 10:45. i felt really horrible, and shut up in the bathroom for a while. you know how that is. bathrooms are my depressed place, if you were not aware. anyway. i went to bed pretty much without doing any homework.
this was supposed to be a quick update. fuck's sake.
tuesday was shit. i don't want to go into that at all. the end.
today was worse shit. it all carried over from the increasingly horrible last night, and today i faked happy, which made it worse. telling you guys that i was faking it is a definitely bad idea. because it defeats the purpose. but hahaha i don't care because i'm saying it for me, and not you. anyway. it was awful. so awful, that because i was in a horrible mood after 6th period, becca invited me over to her house for post-school happy time. kevin and laylee took us to her house, and on the way we ate kevin's 34-day old pizza that had been cooking in the back of his car. we had a bit, until becca threw that shit out the window. oh how pepperonis fly. we got to becca's, grabbed the dog, and hopped along to the gas station for a chex mix/cheetos/dr pepper run where we offended some grumpy middle-aged woman by trying to double park. talking to becca is great. she is an amazing listener, talker, and confidence-installer. plus that bitch is hysterical. we hung out until 5:30, and i had a wonderful wonderful time... i hope she did too. i am excited about our saturday night night with layleekins. ewaohgpohiwe the phone is ringing, hang on kids.

listening to: the news

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

Monday, February 16, 2004

katherine, the scandaliz vandalistz, and i are currently bidding on four different drum sets on ebay. now that it's happening, i don't want us to win anything just because the shipping will be more expensive than we calculated, and the drums will not be what we thought, and anyway hunter said it's easy to make a cheap drumset just going to yardsales, and i'm worried that we might accidentally win TWO kits, and god damn it. the porch ghouls' entire drumset is a suitcase with a tambourine on it. come the fuck on. how much can we ask for?
puppy, put the skirt on. make me forget who i thought you were (the hip cat of my nightmares) until you devotedly scratched at my door, and every day for two months, howled to the shell of me. trickster, love bites dissolved my chains between your teeth, you melted ice with sugar.

puppy, take the skirt off in my dreams: become my faithful lump. you're a regular visitor in my head these days-- again you stalk in, look around, find a nice clean spot and settle down, shed all over the fucking carpet. how am i supposed to keep this place up, since now you wanna be my dog?

come home, puppy

i feed you under the table straight from my hand, your tongue greasing my palm in its search for the difference between me and the salt. after dinner, you present me with collar and leash, begging night's adventures. when we crawl back in through the broken window, we

come home puppies wet with rain and reeking of grass. so what if we spent all night chasing after cars, sniffing lamp posts, waiting for a bus that never came? we curl up at the foot of the matress and gently whimper into sleep as the moon turns into sugar.
yikes. i'm in trouble.

Sunday, February 15, 2004

i attempted to meet up with my english group at 2pm at the library. i couldn't find them for like 10 minutes. it sucked. finally, i caught becky in the cafe. i ordered a caffe mocha. mmm. i tipped the guy because he was nice and cute. we worked way too hard on that dinky-ass project. i was irritated that i had to miss yogurt. brock picked me up when we finished working, and we drove around on a wild search for coffee. i love that damn boy. we listened to 5 6 7 8's and sleater-kinney. he needs new cds though. nothing in the car really fit the mood. we stopped at java and laughed at our old life. the photographs weren't that bad, actually. i'm a sucker for amazing colors. we were driving down cooper singing (he was corin and i was carrie) when we noticed that william and becca were in the other lane, with daniell trailing behind. we followed them to the parking lot of media co-op where we talked for a few minutes. i hope we weren't too annoying. i think i was being really obnoxious. brock and i finally found coffee at ... starbucks. ahha. there were no seats so we had to sit in his car in the parking lot and drink our caffe mochas. guys, i've now had FOUR caffe mochas in THREE days. this is getting sick. brock drove me home and he reviewed my latest mix. i am worried that alice won't like it, and i was annoyed with myself for repeating songs that brock put on her mix. i don't know why i didn't ask him. oh i remember why. it was damn 11pm when i made it. oh well. it was a very nice day. sallis called, and i love him. he sent me a carnation. i don't know if i said that, but i should have. he is the sweetest thing.

listening to: ima robot - alive
band practice is cancelled. that is sad. except that it's just postponed till tomorrow. hooray!!! does anyone want to drum for SV? anybody have some drums they don't need? god damn.
i have to go to the library and do a stupid project. gag gag gag. i hate waxy wexy.
.the first paragraph is rated G for gross and graphic.
tonight i discovered that when i squish my face over to the left, the skin on my nose moves in a weird way and my cartilage pops out of my fucking face. it's only the one side, too. the other one just does what everyone elses does. but the right nostril's skin just does not want to stay over the bone part or something. it's DISGUSTING and TERRIFYING but highly unnoticable. i showed my mom, brock, and katherine, but only katherine screamed and saw it for its true self. the other two were too blind to see anything weird about it.
on the asides, the weekend is going well. yesterday's planned party didn't work out the way we'd hoped. after school, katherine and i came here to edit, and we got a lot done, i thought. before she left, i got my mom to talk to her about the dilemmna of deciding whether to go to music camp and have a better chance of getting accepted at oberlin, or going to au pair in morocco for the chance of a lifetime. mom is very helpful, and pretty soon both the parents, plus me and eileen were sitting there helping katherine decide her future. it was crazy, and i hope it helped. as she was leaving, brock arrived. we sat him down in the interrogation chair and tried to help him make life-changing decisions, but i don't think we had as much impact. soon, alice and LA arrived, and we stood around for a while before going to see the play, which was much better than i expected. morgan and william were the best. they were adorable. paul and morgan make cute siblings, also. there were a lot of people at the play... amelia, eileen, mouse, me, brock, alice, and LA all sat in the front row, and becca, christine, stephanie, and katherine sat in the back. i was sad that we couldn't sit together, but it was kind of nice that it meant there enough other people in the audience for that to be a problem. big morgan and amber gave me hugs. i kind of miss seeing them every week at open-mic. i won't go on and on about the play, because i know some of you are expecting to see it tomorrow night or next weekend. support our own voice!
after the play, we stood around talking for about a million and one years. some of it was nice, but i didn't like being at the theatre for so fucking long. i had a large group of friends there, though, and it's hard to get that many people at once to listen to you and make plans and things. it took us forever just to move out to the lobby, then another forever to move outside, and another forever to move to the sidewalk. it was really painful, because i was EXTREMELY hyper and restless. i can't tell if it's the restless that makes me hyper or vice versa, or if it's just situational entirely. anyway, we decided to go to gibson's. becca had to ride with christine to show her where to go, and didn't want william to be alone, so i rode with him. even though we took a wrong turn, and had to stop at my house for me to get some money, we got to gibson's before anyone else. on the way, we made wild noises, wrote an opera, and staged a musical. horse lips woman at the red light was not amused. we only got to be at gibson's for a very short amount of time because by now it was almost 11, and that's when practically everyone had to be home. i really wish we hadn't taken so damn long getting out of the theatre. oh well. i was sad that we had to break up so quickly, and i also felt bad that william had just driven me from midtown to east memphis and then had to drive me BACK to midtown, and back to east memphis with becca. williammm thank you. will you be my crazy whale heart? we listened to loud peaches and selby tigers, and danced like wild cats of love. suddenly becca asked if they HAD to take me home and i was like "fuck no!" it made me really happy, and we drove and drove and drove and danced danced danced revolutions. a scary hispanic man tried to hail us down with his silver car, flashy cell phone, filthy money, and cat calls, but we were not sucked in. we drove all the way to arkansas and deep into its abyss before we lost that stupid guy and came back to memphia. the river was lovely, and reeked in the light of the bridge. we put our faces to the wind and blew back the air we caught. it was a nice little night, as a whole, and i came home incredibly hyper. in some ways, i don't like coming home wound up because then there's nothing for me to do here to fix that, but it's still better than coming home wound down. that would mean that i didn't enjoy myself enough to keep it up or something. i don't know. anyway, i got here just as morgan, amelia, and eileen were going to bed. i was hyper, as stated, and injured myself on something in morgan's room while attempting to sing and dance jimmy eat world. my foot is now very bruised and it hurts to walk on it. (one reason i'm still sitting in here.) amelia and eileen wanted me to cuddle in the bed, and so i did. morgan fell asleep but the rest of us stayed up and talked for a while. i told them about my obsession with backs, which led to the day's main event. after valentine's day breakfast this morning, which was pastries and mousse-y chocolate thingies from la baguette, eileen, morgan, amelia, and i took turns taking pictures of each other's backs. we also drew on each other's backs with smelly markers and it was too much fun. i love backs. there are some of them posted right now, i still have to decide if any more are suitable for the internet. some of them, though lovely as back photos, could be misinterpretted somewhat. and katherine will testify to that. some of the ones i posted might not even be so great. after eileen and amelia left, i showered, played around with the pictures, called brock, and just hung out for a while before katherine came over at around 6 or so to edit. it took us a while, but we editted one scene (maybe it could count as two, though) and it looks really good. after that, we sort of lost the drive and sat on the couch. mom, dad, and morgan were all away at the play. brock had decided not to come over like he'd planned, and we were sad. we decided to call him and serenade him with our lovely song "brock, come over. we are really bored. brock, come over. we wanna get it on." unfortunately, his mother picked up. he was not at home. we were heart-broken. so we set out to find him at davis-kidd. we were so surprised that he was actually there, we had to sneak up on him. we stood there behind him for a little while, and he didn't notice until katherine started laughing. then he thought we were laughing at him, i think, and he seemed really sad. but when we realized we had come to visit him, he was happy and we had a lovely night chatting it up at the d-k bar. i got my second caffe mocha in two days, which is a little sick. this one didn't have red sprinkles though. i love those kids. we talk about everything, and i love it. the woman working at bronte was even amused. we left, having realized we'd always wanted to drive down flicker street, that little road the veers off from the ramp that goes from union to poplar, by my house. so we drove to my house, where first brock pissed in my backyard (i forgot my key) and then we all piled in his car and screamed down FLICKER ST AHHHHH and flicked everything off. there were no people and it was pretty crazy. every single thing on it looked like a movie. we also had a lot of great ideas for our new movie tonight, and we got really excited. flicker street just turns into central at the end, next to that tobey park thing. the best part about the end of the road is the billboard there. it's the lowest billboard i've ever seen. we decided to film part of the movie on it. it will be brilliant. katherine and i helped brock climb onto it and he danced around in the rain, in front of this huge, disgustingly yellow 'charmed' ad. i love the boy. i can't wait to film the movie there. ahhhh i can't spoil too much about the plot yet. i'm not saying a word. AT ANY RATE. after that, we drove back to my house because katherine had to be home. we all hugged and brock was a fuzzy lumberback named carl and katherine was an old movie star goddess. brock came inside, where we warmed up a stick of garlic bread and split it. we sat on the couches with mom and she told us crazy stories about hers and my relatives. it was very great, because mom is a wonderful storyteller and my family will never cease to amaze me. the best stories were the ones about people dying in ways that made mom laugh. you people don't want to know the kind of people i'm related to. it's sick, truly. at 10:45 brock had to go back home and he hugged me like three times at the door. it was very sweet. he pissed in my backyard. ahahahahhahaa. at any rate. valentine's day was a success in that i met the beautiful backs of several people, and decided i should photograph backs on a regular basis. although i forgot to ask katherine and brock if i could do theirs. fuck. already, my plan is failing.
after brock left, mom was getting worried about when morgan was going to come home so i was instructed to figure it out. i called becca to ask if she had the number of the place where the cast party was, but she didn't know. but william was bringing morgan home at that very moment, so all was well, and becca and i got to talk on the phone for a while. i wish i got to talk to her more often, but she is a busy bumblebee. i hope she realizes that she can always call me when she's bored. and the same goes to all you bitches. am i going to get to the sad state of posting my phone number on the internet so that i will have more going on?! christ almighty.
zoe invited me to her advice blog. wootie woot i'm now an advice-er. i don't know how good i am at advice hahahaah. not very good. but i'm better than brittany's -- "YOUR NEIGHBOR HAS THE HOTS FOR YOU" or whatever. ahah shit. brittany went to bed a little while ago. we had our first hyperactive online conversation in forever. i forget how insane we always made each other. next weekend, i want her to come to "red paint" with me, and maybe spend the night. i think that would be nice. and maybe she could meet some of my friends. i would like that, anyway. i don't want her to be some crazy far-away anymore. i miss our stupid.
tomorrow was supposed to be my first day of yogurt, because i'm "on punishment" and apparently that means yoga with sophie. *shudder* but there's a SCANDALIZ VANDALISTZ rehearsal that brock and i must attend, because are now part of the band. AHHHHHHH!!!!! how good is life? i've always wanted a band. it's a shame i can't sing. but there's nothing else i can do either. maybe they'll just let me stand in the back and play air guitar. i'd still hit the wrong notes, and get booed off the stage. oh well. at any rate, we're going. we also plan to buy an $80 drum set off ebay, even if it doesn't have any cymbals. we're desperate, okay?! if you can think of something better, fucking call me before we do it. the bidding ends in like 20 hours so do it soon. bitches.

listening to: essential logic - pedigree charm
(this post was written in between 11pm and 3am. oh how i suck.)

Thursday, February 12, 2004

feathers to sink a ship

a mix for alice

01) the raveonettes - cops on our tail
02) atom and his package - i am downright amazed at what i can destroy with just a hammer
03) pixies - vamos
04) sleater-kinney - little mouth
05) yeah yeah yeahs - miles away
06) essential logic - aerosol burns
07) lunachicks - babysitters on acid
08) veruca salt - volcano girls
09) andrew bird's bowl of fire - T'N'T
10) death cab for cutie - the sound of settling
11) apples in stereo - glowworm
12) pain - thimbledrome
13) bonfire madigan - smoke signals from the burnpile
14) our lady peace - potato girl
15) cornelius - drop
16) elastica - stutter
17) bikini kill - rah! rah! replica
18) myshkin - apricot tree
19) garrison starr - grounded
20) spiritualized - i didn't mean to hurt you
21) polaris - saturnine
22) throwing muses - cowbirds
23) ani difranco - bliss like this
24) de la soul - tread water

i think i have a lot more loud girls than i intended. sorry, alice. you know how i like em.
oh christ i love girl scout cookies.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

the people at the backyard burger by school are entirely too nice. i'd left my purse at home today, so when me, brock, and alice went by after school i couldn't buy anything. the nice woman (natalie) who was working there felt sorry for me, and slipped me a cup to get myself a drink. later, she brought me a large fries. before i'd even finished those, she brought me a burger and a hug. when she was getting off her shift, she came over to say goodbye and give me another hug. she was the sweetest little black lady i've ever met. she called me "special." she called brock "booboo." it was a weird experience, but it's nice to know that there are such kind-hearted spirits milling around fast food joints. have sweet dreams, loves. i'm sorry i'm been blogging so erratically.

Monday, February 09, 2004


tuesday: some time after i last blogged, i IMed elise with the intention of maybe giving her some constructive criticism. she's been coming up in conversation a whole lot lately, and it's getting more and more negative. it's sad thinking that anyone should have to be talked about like that by so many people, and i was worried that her life will just be that pattern forever if she never realizes it. i thought i could maybe give her a heads-up of sorts. (next day, kevin tells me that she completely misunderstood what i said and she is very mad.)
wednesday: went to backyard burger after school with alice and brock until 4:30. brock dropped me off at davis-kidd right as mom was getting there. i came home, did a little homework, and raced the clock to make plans with becca. she got sick, but we still managed to get to ted's show. we had to have kevin give us a ride there, which i felt HORRIBLE doing, because he wasn't going to stay. especially since he came to my house expecting to pick up both of us, because i hadn't clarified that she was at her own home. so we had to go all the way back to east memphis to get her, and then all the way back to midtown again. the car conversation was nothing short of insane. we got there at about 8:20, but apparently only missed about three minutes of the show. they played for about another five-- it was mostly feedback and pure nothing noise. the band had had whiskey, and forgotten all the songs. the other two bands didn't show up. it was pretty hysterical, but we had a nice conversation with ted after the show. the homeless man who cleans up the joint sang, and is very nice. i gave him change and an earring. my dad had to pick us up, at about 9:15. that turned out to be good, even though becca was sick and had to be home that early anyway. dad was annoyed that i hadn't asked him about taking her home. i suck. i came home and did some homework, but fell asleep before i'd really gotten anything done. fuck?
thursday: i am an idiot in history class. that's about all i remember. after school, i found emmicia at davis-kidd and we got muffins. i worked really hard on my math homework. it made no sense. i didn't feel very well, and told mom so when she picked me up. at home, i IMed elise hoping to clarify the mess i made on tuesday. she didn't say anything for a while, but eventually put up an away message and called me. it was crazy. details details insert minor details here.
friday: i stay home with a sore throat and a headache, but somehow convince my loving parents to let me go to LA's movie party with all the Emo Kids where we watch "west side story" which jenny, christie, and robin talk all over. we also watch "vagina monologues" and katie's 8th grade birthday party video before most people have to leave. eventually, only me, alice, and laylee are left and spend the night. it is very much fun, and very cool to be a different environment (LA's) especially with no parents around. at 11:30 we go on super x-treme pono run and alice gets arrested. there are tickets to be paid. but we rent "y tu mama tambien" and have a field day. late into the night. it's nice nice nice. lots of talking and girlish giggles.
saturday: we wake up and hang out briefly before laylee gets picked up, and alice takes me and LA over to brock's where we drive to michael's and meet up with katherine. we spend the whole day working on our english project, then go to LA's and watch "y tu mama" again with her sister. it's nice, but i'm really tired by the end and not too happy. brock takes me home past his normal curfew. this is the first time he's had to take me home from someplace far away and then drive all the way back home, like a real ride home. and probably the only time it'll be from someplace that he brought me over 24 hours before. wahaha.
sunday: about the only thing interesting that happened was brock coming over to visit me before AND after yogurt class. i crave a milkshake to heal my aching throat, so we go to sonic for the first time in ages where we huddle in my dad's jacket together. at home, we lay in the bed, research colleges, and decide to go to pratt in order to meet karen o. i love our non-logic. very little homework is done. my throat really hurts.
monday: fuck if i even remember.


listening to: look out, loop

Sunday, February 08, 2004

Friday, February 06, 2004

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

today is blaghhhhhh. i feel like a walnut on an airplane.
i had a really nice conversation with ted. it feels like we have a lot in common, but i think my imagination is a quickly-growing briar patch.
brandon makes me too happy for words.
i am excited to film tomorrow.
katherine came over after school until 4:30 and we edited, and worked on the cindy movie. which REALLY needs a name. we are taking suggies. we're thinking of adding some new scenes, and maybe narration, to clarify parts of the plot. also, katherine and i have been having some differing opinions about the characters and the plot, i think because of its evolution since we started this project in december. some of the original stuff stuck, and some didn't, but each of us is looking at it differently. so. we are aiming to have our release party on February 21 or thereabouts. now i'm going to go edit some more. wish us luck!
katherine came over after school until 4:30 and we edited, and worked on the cindy movie. which REALLY needs a new name. we are taking suggies. we're thinking of adding some new scenes, and maybe narration, to clarify parts of the plot. also, katherine and i have been having some differing opinions about the characters' motives. i think things evolved from the original plot, and some stuff stuck, and some stuff didn't, but it's all jumbled up in our heads. so. we are aiming to have our release party on valentine's day. or at least that weekend. anyone up for hosting? my house is always open, but i feel like our tv is such a piece of shit that it takes all the pizzazz out of watching movies. if no one volunteers, it's cool to be here. i just figured people would want a change. but i don't want to impose. could i be any more boring?! well i'm going to go edit some more. woooo!

Monday, February 02, 2004

11pm and i have NOT STARTED MY HOMEWORK. i don't know if i've ever waited this long, truly. and i have an AP U.S. test tomorrow, isn't that sick? ohhh it's just my brilliance. it's a nice night, in all honesty. i was at school till 5 working on the pro bono biweekly newsletter with tarah. we are god's editors. look out. i talked to brandon for a long time online. i also talked with sallis and becca, and wrote an article for the pro bono for tarah. then i got offline to work, but lo and behold, brandon called. actually, the phone rang in my bedroom and i couldn't hear it, so i missed it, and had to call him back. at any rate, we talked for an hour and 15 minutes on the nose and it was really nice. i love that piece of puppy lump. he needs to come closer.
as it is, i should go study for history. or do my math. or at least pretend.

Sunday, February 01, 2004

please go there. your left depends on it. and i'm not joking.

listening to: eugene mirman - born to be wild
hedwig was GREAT. i had a very good time.
but brandon somehow lept into my thoughts, i got tired, and earned a headache.

listening to: joy division - new dawn fades
some catchy shit. look out for the loop. although i'd let it run at least twice, if i were you.
yesterday was birthday day. school was nice except for lunch and history... i'm shit for fuck. if you know what i mean. we had that history discussion, and during lunch i completely freaked out. my anxiety always gets the better of me in the end, and i sat there with my head on the picnic table instead of eating. before class, margaret tried to comfort me... it was really sweet and good of her. "it doesn't matter in the long run, these people don't matter, you're really much more articulate than you think," etc. but i still cried. it was pretty shitty, but thank god we had a shortened period. in the end, i raised my hand and said a little sentence, but i think ms. ervin still hates me brutally. possibly more, because now she can't give me a 0 for the test. AT ANY RATE. we had a pep ralley, which was okay and everything. it was kind of cool coming into the gym, with the vast amount of people that i know at this point in time. "my people" seemed to take up a huge portion of the junior class bleachers. i REALLY wanted to go sit with laylee and becca, because the latter had wanted to tell me about the nice time she had the day before. it involved peacocks, and NOW I'LL NEVER KNOW because there was no way in hell to get to them. i sat next to robin, in front of brock, lauren, katie, and LA. katherine did a lovely job on cymbals -- that bitch knows how to crash. after school, i was incredibly late for the pro bono meeting (sorry, tarah). katherine and i started talking about CELLOS (my favorite thing) and i got really distracted. gahhh. but tarah, you've gotta clue me in on what i missed. very sorry. i don't even know what i'm supposed to really write about. after that ordeal, katherine drove me and LA to edo's only to find it closed. we tried every fucking asian place on summer, and they were all closed -- until FORMOSA. we called brock, who was attempting to buy my birthday present of the tiny tap shoes from park ave thrift, but they were already sold. he met up with us shortly after, and we ordered fried shrip, fried rice, and sesame chicken as an after-school snack. it was nice, considering i hadn't consumed anything all day. after that, LA and katherine had to go buy me a gift or something, so they flew off. brock and i went back to my house, and hung out, and eventually called people to tell them to start coming over.
guest list-- brock, katherine, LA, sallis, alice, laylee, becca, william, eileen, mouse, foot. (plus mi familia)
missing-- technically, a lot of people. among them were margaret, zoe, lauren, allison, jenny, elizabeth, brittany, katie a, brandon, kristin hersh.
some of those
at any rate. mom rented 5 bollywood movies, got a chocolate ice cream cake from baskin-robbins, bought about 300 million sodas, ordered 4 pizzas. my parents are so sweet to go so far as to get a vegetarian pizza for the 3 who were there. dazzling! i will have to bring them the leftovers. plants.... shudder. god, i love the bread group.
presents in chronological order:
--a really sweet, nostalgia-inducing letter from brittany in purple glitter pen. she put on a cow parade sticker (i love cows) and brian froud stickers (i love brian froud) and it had penguins on it (i love penguins.) i really need to send her a letter.
--outing with brock on thursday after school. it isn't supposed to be a birthday present; it was just sweet, and i loved it. donuts, yarn, french. wine, women, song.
--outing with kevin on thursday night. though he had no money, he would not let me spend any. we swang swings, we rode camels, we saw god. (well. buddha, at any rate.)
--half of an ad in some fashion magazine, doodled upon by the glorious becca. it made my day very happy, to see it every time i opened my backpack. oh my how i flaunted that shit.
--devil eyes from ms. ervin that make me feel like an idiot
--picture frame and photo of eiffel tower, each painted upon by alice. arty and awesome. alice is the heppest of the cats.
--$100 gift certificate from the fam
--package from katie. it would be nice enough to just get a letter, but the girl sent the new reissues of francesca lia block's ecstasia and primavera, as well a bag she knitted (knat?) for me. aww what a beautiful girl, stuck in arkansas with only wal-mart and no alanna. i feel so horrible for never writing.
--poem from brandon. sweet jesus what a boy is that one. if i ever find him, i'll keep him.
--paragraphs from morgan. a beautiful duck of a sister.
--IOU card for adorable huggable illnesses and an entire red velvet cake with cream cheese icing, made entirely by dear sir sallis
--3 inflatable microphones, 2 inflatable guitars, and card from LA. i feel like a total rock star now, and i can start a band no problem. who's with me?!
--korean and chinese candy bought at the asian market from katherine. although i wish she had gotten me the soft cup INSTEAD. ho ho ho. in truth, i am enjoying 2 watermelon bubble gums as we speak. and the strawberry cookies were quite nice. the yanyan was my favorite, i think.
--first 4 episodes of serial experiments lain on dvd from dad
--first 16 episodes of aqua teen hunger force on dvd from morgan
--"24 hour party people" on dvd from mom
--HOTT thrift sweater from eileen. very red and fuzzy. not unlike eileen's beautiful head.
--lots of love from laylee. she spent the night even though she wasn't supposed to. oh sweet jeebus.
--the presence of all my lovers
--no cds. i just realized that. normally that's all i get. ho ho ho.
it was a nice birthday. if nothing else, it sure fucking beats last year's out of the ballpark. i hope everyone enjoyed themselves, as i did. dancing to bollywood, cuddling like a mad dog god dam, and you know. many many thank you's to everyone who came. i was kind of sad that mom didn't sing the special birthday song. aww. it's cool. also brandon didn't call me like i expected, because the number wasn't working? i guess i typed it wrong or something, after his cell phone ate it the first time.
everybody left at just about the exact same time last night, at around 10:30. laylee was very mad, and it was adorable. we lay in my bed and listened to the new k-48 which has several amazingly happy songs. she didn't want me to be alone and get sad, so she spent the night, along with eileen and foot. foot fell asleep relatively early, in morgan's bed. eileen and morgan trekked to my room, where we talked briefly before, at about 1am i guess, the four of us fell asleep rather haphazardly spread across the bed. laylee and i were on one pillow, which i stole during the night. i hit my head on the cold cold cold windowsill a lot. the covers were sparse. i woke up with eileen's nose between my toes. laylee was completely void of blanket, and had resorted to a towel she found between the matress and the bed frame. it was all nice. laylee and i somehow woke together at 9am. i pried my foot out of eileen's face, and we crept out of bed. mom was upset that we were awake because she hadn't been to la baguette yet, and wanted to have pastries for us when we woke up. so she went right then, and came back with cinnamon rolls, chocolate croissants, and pecan bun thingies. we feasted while watching "aqua teen hunger force" which MIRACLE OF MIRACLES, my mother enjoyed!! she never likes cartoons i like. it was kind of nice. laylee's grandmother had to pick her up to go shopping at 11:30, so we said our goodbyes. goodbye, my love. oh oh. my mom looked at some of the fountain day pictures, and kept saying how happy/pretty becca is. it was very sweet. she liked our happy kissy pictures. why does no one recognize brock in those photos? what a sexy beast.
after laylee left, mom took me to the lost in paradise store for their 50-75% off sale. it was nice. i tried on LOTS AND LOTS of happy, pretty things. i hate being short and weird-shaped. it's hard to find nice things. but i did get two skirts for school -- one is really cool and the other is really soft. i got a really simplistic shirt that mom liked, and a velvet coat/jacket thingie. it's all very black and white, which is kind of depressing. oh well. it's not my fault the colorful things were badly sized or crappy looking. i also got some lobster earrings, which i find hilarious. whoaihwhahahehaoihaahaeha. okay. we spent way too much money, but it's nice to know that the clothes we bought were expensive because they WEREN'T made by poor children in sweat shops.
i came home and ate. eileen and foot were still here, watching "moulin rouge." i called brock, and we talked for a few minutes. eileen and foot left. morgan went to see "girl with the pearl earring" with mariana. i watched my bjork videos dvd that phyllis gave me for christmas, that sweet woman. katherine came over, and we editted. i felt like we got a lot a lot a lot done, but it wasn't that much, really. oh well. it was nice. brock came over, and then katherine had to leave. we watched "24 hour party people" with my family. i really like that movie. especially the "first act" featuring joy division and a great man playing ian curtis. after that, we sort of talked for a few minutes before morgan put on the "lain" dvd. it was 10:30 and brock had to leave. i hate curfews. it's last year all over again for me. gahhh the inability to drive. i really need a permit.
i was in a really grouchy mood a lot today, and unnecessarily unnice to the family and everything, i think. i have been hyper-emotion for a few days. it's shitty. i'm really sorry to anyone who has been in its path.

listening to: ice cream - letter to memphis (pixies cover)