Sunday, November 30, 2014

step away from my light, i need shine

always you want me to forget, try to make me. I just want to talk, I have really good ideas. I believe we could write! I believe you have the vision and I have the craft! or maybe the other way around, we'll have to work out the details. but don't you want to see?? why not even try?

and so I should be done after all this. how many times I put it forward.

you are not the whipping girl unless you want to be. I feel you beg for a reaction, the one you've gotten before. I feel like I'm the creep but I know you know the game. so maybe sometimes I tickle too much and go too far. I don't mean any harm. I want the cuddles and the laughs and the silly. yes the vulnerable. and this is all you'll give me- a little bit of soft skin here and there. but it's not your tummy I really want; it's your heart. if I can find the soft parts maybe you will open up and talk to me. but always you leave, or never start.

tomorrow is a new day, as always. but tomorrow I'm moving and really things will change. I've promised Gracie Lou it will be just us two girls, and I meant it. I'm really cutting this out, unless you don't consent it: truth, honor, trust, compassion. I require so little. I have made do with giggle cuddle coffee time but I don't need it anymore. it all hurts too much without the rest.

you don't want me to cook brunch with you, you can't put me to the test.

I'm bigger I'm better I'm more than you will ever know. I have to make it so.

I am not so cruel.
not as you, not as you think.
but maybe as desperate.

yr failure is not what I want but I'm afraid of its certainty. I need you to talk and ACT and get it together before the worst thing happens. I don't want you on the street or worse. you say you don't need this house? you don't need the safety net? I would love for you to fly from here but I don't see how. not now. maybe your debt is invisible to you, maybe that's my fault. if you don't need us then go on. we want only the best.

what do you want, when you do and when you don't?  
is it just a niceness of your debt, to keep afloat?

if you are the whipping girl, then maybe I'm at fault. 
you joke and pose so pretty: your sugar makes me salt.

you juggle up to jester, and want rounds for the fall. 
you'll never say you dropped one, unless we can recall.

if you are the whipping girl, then what have we done wrong? 
we fell into a dance you threw and got lost in its song.

I know you want attention, kitty, just let me pet your throat. 
be calm and still and open up, and sing before you choke.

if you are the whipping girl, then I've confused the past. 
tell me what it said to you and make the new one last.

after nights when I give up, you call me in the morning: 
meow. meow. meow. the constant caterwauling.