what a rollercoaster pathetic excuse for a day i've had. i was up till almost 4am doing projects and various homework. the first part of the day (homeroom, chemistry) was awful, because i was dreading the presentation of my benjamin franklin english project. for some reason i had had my heart SET on not presenting today (i don't know what difference it's supposed to make) but allison told me before school that my name was on the list to present today, and i flipped. so i went into english consumed with dread, only to be told by allison first thing that my name was moved to tomorrow. hooray! i hugged allison. i never hug allison, i only hit her. so that was strange. but i rejoiced all through everyone else's projects. sean dressed up as squanto aka THE VILLAGE PEOPLE and had a hot-pink poster board. the kid is in denial. oh well. i am glad to have time to fix up my visual and some of my notes tonight. (like that's going to happen.) then i had study hall, and i did most of my math homework from last night, and read the chapter for history and highlighted and underlined and practised good-studenting. then i went to latin which was a joke as usual. we had a quiz that was supposed to be an easy grade -- open notes and everything. too bad i had no idea what half the answers were. ah well. then lunch was very nice today. allison, katie, and elizabeth had our lunch because of testing. yayyy. brock fed me cheese and crackers. hoorah, ho. then i ventured to history. being myself, i NEVER ask about "what do we do in such and such a class today?" i don't know, maybe i should start. history was horrifying. we were supposed to have a test on the chapter, but instead we had a group discussion thing. it was AWFUL. i didn't have anything to say, so i didn't. and even if i had i wouldn't have said anything. but in the middle of it, mrs. ervin called on me. she didn't even ask me a question, she just said "alanna." like a command, like i have a brain. that bitch. so i stuttered out something really pathetic and stared at my paper for the rest of the period. afterwards, ms. ervin had to have a talk with me and everything, and tell me how much i suck and i'm going to die. it was awful. i wrote a poem, but it sucks. anyway, after that i had algebra which was pretty shitty too. we have a test tomorrow which i'm going to fucking fail. oh well. after school i was still really upset... everyone was nice to me about it though. i got a long hug from margaret, which was special because she understands how evil ms. ervin is and the act of nearly crying in front of that heartless bitch. god damn. and she also has fear of public speaking, but she doesn't lose her brain the way that i do, when she is called on. robin did the robin thing, and asked details, and talked about how pointless discussions are, and made me feel a little better. fucking ronald wash nearly murdered me with his always being around and killing my soul. fuck that kid. watch your back, ronald. but laylee and becca noticed that i was upset after school when they were pixies-ing and i wasn't responding right. they were very them and hugged me lots and were sweet. brock was brock and made me relate the event and ugh. he doesnt think he's good with comforting but he is. it was nice. after that, everyone else had run off so brock and i sat on the bricks for a while and talked. it was nice. i like his clam, no matter what he says. a while after i'd been at home, he called and we talked on the phone for a long while. it was really nice, because i haven't been able to breathe like that on a weekday for a while. it was great, as talking to him always is. it's so good to just brock ramble. and he keeps me mildly on topic. it's funny. right now i'm trying to eat pizza but my teeth hurt like a motherfucker.
i am really excited about Day tomorrow! at the start of the year, becca, brock, and i decided we should have one day a week where we hang out after school, as a breather. we did it once, and have had conflicts ever since. so i'm REALLY excited that it's going to happen this week. plus friday is a half-day, which i even better. what a great way to end Week Of Hell. i can't wait until 2:15 tomorrow.

listening to: the mountain goats - see america right