Tuesday, December 18, 2012


after hours flailing on the screaming windy highway, the i-10 rest stop is eerily quiet. everyone stands beside their cars smoking, unspeaking. a sign outside the squat brown building warns, WATCH FOR SNAKES. another, LOOK TWICE FOR BIKES, depicts a four-eyed cartoon head, bodiless at the wheel. i barely pee anything; i'm thinking of the narrative of my life and whether i could make it as a any kind of artist, or anything at all. somehow i'm thinking of maine in august last year in lawly's tent where bowen courted and sported us both. how she kissed me with just lips, how his mouth found its way under my shirt, the hot bright orange tent heat, their red and yellow hair. how all i could think was: this must be something that people do. no one asked any questions.

now, a woman interrupts my careful handwashing: "what do they do when it's pouring?" i hadnt even noticed the open sky, blue with thin wisps of white clouds. texas winter is summer hot at 80 and rising. "Yeah!" i agree too loudly in this quiet place and all my jokes fail. in the mirror my face looks back worried, lonely, and pale except for the fierce red bumps covering my chin. at 25 i still look 13, hormones angry and unbalanced after recently quitting nine years of HBC. i have always hated mirrors and today is no different except that i've really fallen now, all dreams dashed down on the brown ceramic tiles in the open air rest stop, ready to be snake bait.

Friday, December 14, 2012

i started driving on the new moon. i wanted to say i left full of duck eggs and stolen goods but no i left empty and opening undone. it's never done, always moving.

Tuesday, December 04, 2012

you never really tried

phew. finally finally finally sent the last email to TM. thank goodness i got that off my chest!

NOW. i am moving back to the south in a week and three days. all this must happen before then:
  • finish color correcting the movie
  • laundry
  • return library books
  • order new glasses
  • renew driver license
  • get car serviced
  • become unaddicted to coffee and smokes
  • last chance photo copies
  • goodbye party
  • record new vocals for the chase song???
  • go camping???
  • cut my hair dammit
  • chill out.... hahaha

listening to: kate bush - the big sky