Tuesday, December 29, 2009

i love a new planner. i love my new slingshot and its fresh cleanness.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

there are many things i could say. i will try to say a few of them.
the most important is that my cat is missing. he has been gone since wednesday and according to my parents' craigslist ad, it was a "very cold night." he has never wandered off for longer than a night before now. mom thinks someone thought he was beautiful and snatched him up because he didn't have any identification -- he has lost or destroyed every collar. somehow that doesn't seem very likely to me, and i am fearing the worst. although tomorrow i plan to go door to door with flyers, if i have time between preparing for england and spending time with friends, family, and my remaining cat (who seems to prefer willy's absence, not surprisingly).

listening to:

Friday, December 18, 2009

walking in a winter wonderland

A record snowfall of 6 inches was set at Asheville NC today. This
breaks the old record of 3.6 inches set in 1916. With additional
snowfall likely... the total for the day will increase. Another
statement will be issued after midnight with the updated total.
it snowed ALL DAY and it is STILL SNOWING. i have never experienced this before... i just want to hole up in my room like a cave and go to bed. but i have to drive home! in all this yuck! so many people today tried to leave and couldn't... my friend was stuck in traffic for about 6 hours coming back from the airport after her flight was canceled, and i watched a van trying to make it up a snowy hill, but it just kept sliding back. go back inside! to your little cave house! i wanted to say.
the stupid health center was closed, and i didn't know, so i walked all the way up there for nothing. i almost fell down on an icy bridge. then i fell down in the snow... i predict this will be the first of many this season.

well, today i rewrote the essay i lost. to be honest, this one might be better than the original because i wasn't delirious while writing it. but, i don't really care about the grade at all... i almost didn't rewrite it because i turned in the first essay and my professor just said "rewrite it by tomorrow if you have time" and that wasn't super motivational. i feel like i learned a lot in the class, and i guess it would be nice to get a grade that reflects that, even if my essay doesn't. ha! I'M JUST GLAD THIS STUPID SEMESTER IS OVER. it was probably my worst semester in turns of taking useless classes. and i will really be feeling it when i am taking so many important reqs next time. anyway, it hasn't really hit me yet that it done.

rum nog in my belly... mmmmmm. time to pack!!

Thursday, December 17, 2009




!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?1?1!??!?1?!?! can anyone troubleshoot me oh my god

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

things just haven't been the same

ever since my mother joined facebook. she doesn't think i check my email anymore, so she is learning how to "chatter" and she's always leaving little messages on my wall, or sending me stuff like this:
you know, lots of peoples loves hoodies. like with bands on them. you can order a hoodie t-shirt sweatshirt with some weirdo on it, and people would loves it sooooo muches.
that's the entire message, by the way. i almost don't even believe that this came from my mother, but last night we were facebook chatting about my inability to get people decent presents.
i can't stop laughing.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

manifesto against paralyzed panic

calm down about this massive pile of work sitting in front of you. realize that most of it is not so important. it doesn't matter if you don't get all the details right. don't waste time on word choice and just say it. you have one week left of school; you should be happy. this energy would be better spent elsewhere. just get it done and go to sleep.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

holy shit

does this link work for yall?

i am speechless.

everybody's living like they should

someone pulled the fire alarm. AWESOME. i love sitting in the cold in my pajamas and no underwear FOR NO REASON.
i slept till 1pm today. i think i'm about caught up on my sleep and my sickness is almost gone. now to make up all that homework...
apparently i'm going to the winter formal tonight after all, despite all the fiasco. morgan needs me!! but what to wear?! [cue disasterpiece]
oh what the hell

listening to: tuscadero - mt pleasant

Thursday, December 10, 2009

it's a wonder we don't collide

i am not motivated enough to do homework. is it actually because i am sick, or am i just making excuses at this point?
i am eating sweet tarts from the bystander intervention pinata. gotta save the chocolate for last.
i just loaned my car to elliot! i really hope he doesn't crash it on the hill.
everything is so lonely. i better get used to it.

listening to: madeline - lit elephants

a chronicle of misery: the week before finals

dr. bradshaw and his wife lesley have two sons (see diagram), who will soon be home for the holidays. while preparing for their arrival, lesley fell down the stairs. i believe dr. bradshaw used the word "gruesome" to describe the event. in my head, there were christmas ornaments flying, tinsel trailing down the stairs, and blood everywhere. clearly i've never met her, and i've only seen things from the end of the old man. he appeared at the office only briefly on tuesday, hair unkempt and voice ragged. and he had the nerve to ask me how i am, how i'm feeling about my abroad trip! he won't let anyone help him, so i have been feeling utterly useless all week.
on monday night, eva was complaining of a sore throat, worrisome because it seems that she only just kicked the flu and its lingering symptoms. then at cowpie she went and COUGHED ON MY FOOD and it was mexican monday and i couldn't not eat it! mere moments (hours) later, my own throat started to feel a bit sore. morgan asked her biology professor for me, and HE said that someone coughing on your food can't give you a cold. but i beg to differ! i've gotten steadily more congested and disgusting-feeling as the week has gone on.
what's the best way to get better? SLEEP! comes the rousing reply from the chorus of everybody in the world. guess what my life is utterly lacking? monday night, i forget all your hazy details. my throat was sore, i started downing ungodly amounts of tea. i had had a panic moment in that afternoon's banjo class when i learned the set list for our concert, only two days away. instead of doing any of my *important* homework, i played banjo all night. why did i chomp off my fingernails and render myself useless for clawhammer?!?! oh yes, because one must destroy one's body while composing a 7-pager in 4 hours. thank you, body, for donating yourself to the cause once again. but why oh why won't you just do what you're supposed to do on these stupid strings? part of the problem was certainly the temperature; my room is a veritable ice box. the point is that i sat in morgan's room and strummed for hours until katherine and brett rang morgan's phone for our conference call. did we make any decisions? i don't know. but i felt pretty shitty afterwards. finally around 3am i lay my body down.... and tossed and turned and couldn't catch a wink until at least 6:30. also i forgot to ask morgan to wake me up and i had no alarm clock without a phone, so i slept straight till 10. my history teacher seemed understanding in her email. dr. b was absent, so grammar was a 15 minute q+a sesh with TA jenn, whom i have decided that i like a lot.
tuesday night is always a misery night because it is the night my study abroad group meets. this time, naomi from international programs came to talk to us about not drinking too much or doing drugs at all or leaving the group. i got all confused about money conversion stuff and what to pack and whether i made the right decision by deciding to go on this stupid trip. back in the land of doors, ben and i sat down to work on our astronomy lab reports when renee and eva appeared at the door and suddenly a mighty sound was heard throughout the land of doors: FIRE ALARM. beautiful. we threw on shoes and coats over our pajamas and tramped out into the rain storming night. every dorland resident huddled in the smoking hut not smoking for once. the fire truck arrived and RD kat said the locked mystery room in the basement was emitting smoke. possibly breakers or some such thing. we didn't want to wait around in the cold anymore, so we went to ben's room and ate his ancient candy and sat on his roommate's bed and poked at stuff. an hour later, the doors of dorland were still closed to us, so we trudged across the bridge to a worser place: sunderland. in fact, the worst place: sunderland BASEMENT. there, we were greeted by a quite nude ilinca who fed us water in huge kitchen jars and saltines with nutella and peanut butter. she even gave me a hello kitty thermos full of mint tea leftover from dinner... still sort of warm five hours later! we watched the episode of buffy where she tries out for the cheerleading squad but uh oh all the cheerleaders are losing various body parts! eva didn't know what was going on the whole time and either narrated to us what was happening, asked for clarification about what was happening, or said aloud what her brain told her. we finally made it back into dorland around 12:30, about 3 hours after we were displaced. there, i played banjo, had possible heart-to-heart with morgan, played banjo, felt sick, called brett, spoke without thinking, felt sad, felt sick, and got into bed at maybe 2ish. received text messages from tom, missed him terribly. and then, it happened again: i couldn't sleep. morgan says i probably slept a little without realizing it, but i know i was awake when the sun came up. had some weird dreams that i have forgotten now... i should get back into the habit of writing these things down, maybe. but there were moments when i couldn't tell if i was dreaming or if i was just inventing visions for myself as i lay there sleepless. anyway, i'm pretty sure i was awake or at least half-awake when my alarm went off, so i just stayed in bed all morning.
wednesday was another waste. i tried to work on my lab report, but i had already made up my mind to skip that class. instead of lunch or class, i went to the health center to get a sick note. this was sort of crazy because the health center has been temporarily relocated to some crazy cottage out past eco-dorm that i had to walk up this weird little woods path to find. here's the stupid part: i wore the new boots my mom ordered me from l.l. bean. in my sickness stupor, i didn't think about how disgustingly muddy it was gonna be on this walk or the fact that, wonder of wonders, the boots might not fit... which of course, they didn't, and now they are all muddy even though i tried to wash them off when i got home. i am gonna return them anyway. fuck some shoes. anyway, it doesn't say anything about mud on the return policy. the rest of the day was stupid but fine: corrected paper corrections at work, heard about a carbon monoxide leak in gladfelter, ate a very tiny but tasty dinner at cowpie, played my stupid banjo concert at which i couldn't even hear myself playing, called my parents and complained, and got in bed at about 11 without doing a lick of homework. this time, i KNOW i got some sleep, but i did not by any means have a good night's sleep. i kept waking up coughing or not being able to breathe through my nose. i don't think i had any dreams, i don't think i slept long enough at any moment.
my alarm went off at 8:30 this morning. i went straight to morgan's room to ask for her sage advice. thank god, she told me to stay home and rest. she even gave me her hot pot so i would have a steady supply of peppermint tea. i haven't left my room all day, not for anything. i have watched the world go light and dark through my window. i slept a lot, until 2:30 when i decided that if i napped anymore, i wouldn't be able to sleep tonight. i have been listening to music and poking at the internet since then. i need to figure out how long i have to turn in all the assignments i missed... i don't feel like doing any work at all, but next week, as i may have mentioned, is MISERY EXAM WEEK and i have lots lots lots to do. but, tonight might not be the night. morgan did bring me a bagel this morning, but other than that, i haven't eaten all day... except for gallons of tea and 1 (one) garlic pill. that's the real problem with sick days. so anyway, it's late now, and i better run to cowpie before it's too late. tonight they're having carmelized onion and squash pasta plus quinoa and black bean soup! i am excited for soup yumyum.
apologies if i have totally butchered the english language in this post. i blame congested fuzzy headedness.

listening to: the mountain goats - jaipur

Friday, December 04, 2009

i read it's lame to wish that you might not walk out on me

today, as usual, i am a terrible person. i wanted to slaughter everyone and/or go hide in a cave alone. and just read and not have to communicate. i think my feelings of total annoyance and utter insanity may have something to do with the fact that i missed almost a week of BC pills and had to double up for a few days... i didn't do that for long enough to make up for all 5 pills i missed because that seemed like overkill. but still.
yesterday my eye was blotchy red and leaking crust, but today it's normal again. i feel like i will never be well... is this just my every winter?
i am a failure as a grammar tutor. i told him the wrong meaning of progressive tense yesterday and we had a verb forms question on the quiz today, and i know we both missed it. i don't know how to make it up to him, this kid is so anxious already.
are we all just losing our minds, holed up in little rooms like cupboards? when we are all crammed in together, but don't see beyond the circle at our table, how can we not be feeling so alone?
everybody is desperate, i dont know if i can really blame the cold weather anymore. it's too late to think. i'm done.

listening to: xiu xiu - hello from eau claire

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

there's a short, dark day until the night takes back over

this morning i rolled my ankle and almost fell down the slippery hill in the cold rain. somehow i managed to right myself before actually falling... graceful or ungainly?
yesterday, dr. bradshaw took it up a notch. as i've said, i feel like he has been testing my strength as an ERA, particularly in front of my peers. grammar was the same as usual. he rambled about farther vs. further and hyphenating words, then he passed out the quiz. everything was hunky dory... until i got to question 8:
On Monday, the effusively generous Professor Bradshaw, scholar, gentleman, and statesman, gave to Alanna Stewart, writer, film maker, and aspiring grammarian, some pennies to use in the bubble gum machine; though Alanna cannot now recall what occasioned such largesse and finds herself confused because her name is being mentioned on a quiz.
1. i was not even in the office on monday. i stayed in my room all day long.
2. he has never given me pennies for the bubble gum machine, which is actually full of breast cancer m&m's.
3. i don't understand why he exaggerated about himself, but said truths about me... except aspiring grammarian, what is that.
4. i gave him an evil look when he came back from getting tea, but he just laughed at me.
5. he made a big to-do about that question, even asking me to give the answer, but i just sort of squirmed, so he answered it himself.
6. he went BACK to the problem again later, talking about how you could have hyphenated "bubble gum" or something.
7. now everybody thinks i am a teacher's pet. and i'm worried that it's true.
8. a prize to anyone who can find the error in the sentence! respond with a comment.
9. should i be honore or flattered?
10. my first grammar tutee just left the office. no idea if i helped him at all, but i tried. i just wish it hadn't been with the quiz that has my damn name on it. how embarrassing.

listening to: thanksgiving - (you belong to the) blood