Saturday, December 31, 2005

With my hair short, I feel more feminine. I'm wearing earrings, and I feel attractive and womanly. Like Janelle said, I can appreciate my lumpy bits, the padded places of a woman. I want one of those pins that says "start a revolution, love your body." I don't want to feel fucked up because of advertising and discontentment anymore. Truly. I don't have any reason to be afraid of the mirror. I am beautiful. ...
Shower Realizations
I love my life, I love my friends, and I love my body. I'm happy with who I am, what I've done, and where I've been, but not satisfied, which also makes me happy. I love that there is always room for change and evolution. I can't wait to be more.

New Year Goals
-Use the computer less, especially because I usually just sit there mindlessly refreshing the same pages.
-Write more (this will hurt)
-Be active - the community needs me!
-Recognize responsibilities. Gauge importance. Act!
-Eat better. I have a bad diet, but the worst part is that I'm supporting evil companies doing it.
-Research. Find out where the problems are.
-Read the news every day. Listen to more NPR.
-Don't get wrapped up in substances. Find substance.
-Share music and be musical.
-Make friends. Try.
-Speak in class. Speak up.
-Improve my posture.
-Learn to drive, and get my license. I've had this same goal for the past 3 years. God damn.

Friday, December 23, 2005


1. Shh! Ass Tart Art
be quiet!

people be quiet!

is this a painting?

we don't understand it

a mess of color!

let's burn and ban it!

shh! ass tart art! shh! ass tart art!

got no meaning! got no heart!

shh! ass tart art! shh! ass tart art!

burn it down! tear it apart!

be quiet! people, be quiet!

more cohesion!

you oughta try it!

shh! etc . . .

2. Trash Trash Trash
trash trash trash

you'll never take us out

trash trash trash

we'll never shut our mouths

we got the beats

make the streets stink

we got the speak

make your brains think

parents claim we're dangerous

townie cops are scared of us

but the revolution's in your bedroom

smoking pot, watching cartoons

trash trash trash

you'll never take us out

trash trash trash

3. Tha Hat Rash
tha hat rash has taken over

people, look up! your heads are covered!

everyone you know is a victim!

we're all infected with cranium fashion!

tha hat rash has taken over

people look up! your heads are covered

tha hat rash or tha brain fever?

never leave the house unless you're covered!

wear a special cap while you're in the shower

fall asleep in your fedora

we're all infected with cranium fashion

everyone you know is a victim!

tha hat rash has taken over!

people, look up! you're heads are covered.

4. Trasht Haarrt
sick and tired of the girl and boy thing

never stick around to hear the birds sing

muscle's broken! romance is a beesting.

trasht hart! trasht hart!

i'd trade a god a finger for a second start!

i got a trasht hart! trasht hart!

drop some arteries in a shopping cart!

love no object that's alive and breathing

lie all day and they all believe me

sick and tired of the girl and boy thing

never stick around to hear the birds sing

muscle's broken! romance is a besting

trasht hart! trasht hart!

i'd trade a god a finger for a second start!

i got a trasht hart! trasht hart!

drop some arteries in a shopping cart!

5. Shtar Hast Arsht

sthar hast!

shtar hast arsht!

wienerschnizel! wienershnizel! ya! ya! ya! ya!

we love the ways of german people!

berlin, lager, and wienershnizel!

but we don't like walls and we don't kill people!


shtar hast!

shtar hast arsht!

wienershnizel! wienershnizel! ya! ya! ya! ya!

liederhosen! knickerbockers!

we hate nazis, but we drink lager!

6. Stratarats
stratarats came from outerspace

shot up town, put us in our place

time to crawl in cracks and walls

get by on trash and alcohol

our lives were changed by stratarats

now there's no need for beaurocrats

we just eat and fuck and run from cats

time to crawl in cracks and walls

get by on trash on alcohol

don't mind being dumb and small

if we don't need jobs at the mall

stratarats came from outerspace

shot up town, put us in our place

now there's no need for beaurocrats

we just eat and fuck and run from cats

and we owe it all to stratarats

7. Art Hrs
stay up late making art for hrs!

coffee and speed! forget to shower!

hallucinate on your own brain power!

surrealist still life charcoal mess

we're too tired for making sense

proffesors think that we regressed

but we think too much for making sense

who needs acid? make art for hrs!

coffee and speed! forget to shower!

hallucinate on your own brain power

restriction is a fiction they will try to sell you

don't buy it! boycott it!

8. SARS Shaht
don't forget to get your sars shaht

chinese disease gonna make your lungs stop

severe acute respiratory syndrome

gonna eat your babies

gonna make your wife moan

don't for get your chinese sars shaht

chinese disease gonna make your lungs stop

9. Rasta Rats
10. Has Tha Ass
11. R Rats Trash Hats?!
12. Hash Stash
13. Tha Stars R Ars

Tuesday, December 20, 2005


1) 50 Foot Wave - Golden Ocean
2) Why? - Elephant Eyelash
3) M.I.A. - Arular
4) Sleater-Kinney - The Woods
5) Animal Collective - Feels
6) Andrew Bird and the Mysterious Production of Eggs
7) Of Montreal - The Sunlandic Twins
8) Ani DiFranco - Knuckle Down
9) Sons and Daughters - The Repulsion Box
10) 13 & God
11) The White Stripes - Get Behind Me, Satan
12) Fiona Apple - Extraordinary Machine (Jon Brion version)
13) Devendra Banhart - Cripple Crow
14) The Mountain Goats - The Sunset Tree
15) Imogen Heap - Speak For Yourself
16) Bright Eyes - I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning
17) Scandaliz Vandalistz - A Real Band
18) The Kills - No Wow
19) Out Hud - Let Us Never Speak Of It Again
20) Juliana Hatfield - Made in China

1) 50 Foot Wave - Free Music
2) Why? - Sanddollars
3) Aesop Rock - Fast Cars, Danger, Fire, and Knives
4) Brit Lit Bandits - You Might Die Tonight
5) oh man i forgot.

1.Why- Elephant Eyelash
2. 50FootWave-Golden Ocean
3. Sleater-Kinney- The Woods
4. Devandra Banhart- Cripple Crow
5. Of Montreal- The Sunlandic Twins
6. Deerhoof- The Runners Four
7. Andrew Bird and the Mysterious Production of Eggs
8. Animal Collective- Feels
9. M.I.A.-Arular
10. Dangerdoom

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

An ambulance reels past and actually stops at a house I've never thought about. A red car, I guess. Someone inside is placed on a stretcher. Every house. Every person. This sucks.
I tiptoe around acorns, evading tiny murders. My brain sticks in the rut of patterns, every day's repetitions leaving mile-wide scars. Pull hair, pinch skin, bite lips. Broken.
At any close inspection, you can see my breaking points. Why am I writing this, I can't even hold a pen right.
All I can do is imagine the active part of myself, standing up to bullies and the ignorant masses. I sit in the library and imagine telling the talking assholes to shut the fuck up, this is a library. I grit my teeth and imagine doing it, seething and stewing in my own anger.

Monday, November 28, 2005

I feel like most of the conversations I have are one-sided, I'm having one completely separate from the other party. Disconnected, speaking into a tin can with a string that attaches to my back. Pull it and I speak. I'm almost like a real girl, but not quite. I talk and I think the words will fill something, I think they can become. Instead they drown me, they never really leave my mouth and continue to fill me until you can see them swimming in my eyes. Cry. Speak. Listen. My ears are better tools than my tongue, but all responses come out wrong.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

i'm sick of this stagnation
tongue overflowing mercilessly 
stuck on one rotating record 
scribble life of no movement 
must make, must move 
feel the sun 
skin my knees 

got to stop feeling 
so simply + 
got to 
get back to my freedom place 
the joy + pain of nine years old 
stuck at the top of a 

[written on "broadminded mental brains" program, date unknown]

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

The sick reality is that this place is empty. I am the only person sitting outside on a beautiful day, the sky electric blue and my jacket discarded at my waist. Wind blows my skirt occasionally, revealing my bird-ape legs to the passersby on cell phones. Leaves sit on pavement next to me, a spider flies by and I'm accidentally caught in her lifeline. Still, there's no kids on the surrounding grass and the only humans are moving rapidly to their next classes, the doors of the Engineering building bang open and closed. This is the reality I have discovered: kids do not lie in the grass. We've all seen something shattering, something that makes us question life and humanity. And yes, this hugeness is introduced by an empty quad. People don't go to parks for fun? They don't use substances to completely let go of themselves? They don't like drive-in movies? They don't like getting lost? They don't consider their friends as valuable as their boyfriends? What are these people thinking?! I shouldn't be judgmental.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

No matter how much I drink, I can still make it up the three flights on your fire escape and crawl back home. And falling up the walls, out the window backwards to over there. I'm gone, with a changeling baby in my place. Hey tell me, is that allowed? A changeling for a changeling? Could you tell the difference? Well don't worry, I'll be back and she'll be gone, out the window backwards, down your fire escape.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Maybe if I bought more jeans. And gave my band t-shirts away to charity. Maybe then they would like me more or at least think I was normal. Although it's probably something that is sensed rather than bluntly seen. I will probably never pass that test. Not that I'd even want to.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Do you think Tide gets rid of tear stains? It's really no matter, I know the crowds I walk among can't see them on me. It's one of the only things belongs solely to me -- the count of my weeping, the travel of my sorrow, I miss you. It comes back to that, but doesn't boil down to it. The essence is actually questionable. I've always believed that everything has a purpose. And this whole mess feels like nothing more than a mess. Is this another test of our love's strength? I feel we've already mastered distance, though. Are we not designed to be close yet? Was our fated meeting early, and now it's getting fixed? Am I supposed to feel another painful autumn, winter? Is my purpose to feel pain? Am I supposed to be discovering my own strengths? I don't see how I can, I am nothing but dependent in this stage. I have no place in Memphis with my placeholders missing.

Monday, September 26, 2005

The sheer number of blank pages here is terrifying. I have decided to begin filling them since I can't fill my stomach. To have a conversation I can't, because I have no one to talk to. Isn't it supposed to be true that you appreciate art more when you're hungry because artists usually create when hungry? I've heard that, anyway. I am not an artist but maybe I can appreciate each word and letter more this way. I see blank pages to be filled. My life is empty. I came to school today after a weekend of play and couldn't even occupy myself for an hour and a half. I am now resigned to this aloneness; before I somehow thought I would make friends. Now I do not make the effort to smile as I pass people, my classmates, and I do not want to make eye contact. My ninth grade self again, it's true. A weekend of play, but not really pleasure. I don't know how to have a good time anymore, I guess. Stupidity overcomes me and I choke. I smile, I laugh, I answer, "I'm okay" and I do not tell the truth. I'm lying to everyone and you're the only one who notices. I don't understand why you listen when they don't, why you care, why you insist, why your wind blows a different tone. My jaw aches from clenching my teeth, my smile is a stretch of hell across my plagued face, I want no one to look at me. Baby, this is the truth. I love you, I do. I know it so certainly now. I can't think of anyone who understands me better, or who I would rather stay with until I can't stay anymore. We're not traditional, we like that. When I talk to you, I know we'll be okay, no matter what I'm saying or what you're thinking of me. I can keep it together long enough for us to be okay, I promise that. It's the fifth day of fall. It still feels like summer and I'm already fucking falling apart. In 3 weeks I'll be with you. Then 2 months after that. We'll be able to live together in a city above water soon? Tell me it can happen, that we can make it and do this biggest thing. I don't know how to live, but I know where I want to be. I'm sick of people looking at my thin bird legs, hairy and misshapen, short and unwilling. I stood in a full-length mirror for the first time in years, and I saw what my mother always said was true. My ankles, as thin as bird bones jutting out and setting off the balance in the poetry of a foot.
I owe her $12.50 thereabouts. I owe her apologies and words I don't have. Say. I could not find my place so easily among your cloudy breathren, the stairway to heaven is a dorm fire escape, and I am afraid of heights. I fucked up and got fucked up, I'm sorry. I felt alone when you were there, I'm sorry. Did I push you away? Did I embarrass you? Today is Monday. The weekend was a blur of smoke, stairs, and conversations that I had no place in. Should I have fallen off the fire escape? No, it was not far enough. What is far enough: the distance I have helped create between us. The silence in the noise without our voices together. The empty corner of a couch where we used to sit. I talk to your fringe dwellers, on the fringe where I belong. I see you from across a desert, tearless and aching to be fed. (At this time yesterday I was in your bed. You didn't want to cuddle me that night, and the night before I slept alone. Remember when we had innoence, when we spooned and traded secrets? Ballet moves on the carpeted floor? I miss these things and you.) The changes here are innumerable. I think I have ruined my prospects of ever fitting in again, I feel our group has been torn now truthfully -- look at all this separate change, we will never come together again. You love them more, just say. Say. In a world where I become my grandmother, where am I to find change? There's none in my pockets and I still owe you $12.50 so it would seem I'm in a bind. Bound by time and place restrictions, bound down to the thick pavement of Memphis ground. My boots hit hard each block of pavement, this is all I can do not to cry. I read about history and write about movies. There is no solace here when the day ends, I have nothing new except the count of tears in my well, just waiting. I don't shed tears in front of people on the bus, in the classroom, on the walk home, on the phone, or even in my bed these days. I know that I'm crying but no one else does -- they can't see what isn't there. I keep smiling. I say I'm doing well, my classes challenge me, I have made friends. These could not be bigger lies. All I want is to share this, what they all have that I have been denied. Is nature trying to scream to me? Go back, this was not meant for you. This happiness was not yours to know.
Maybe I'll see him on the next train, I'm dying to skip this town. I know what and where happiness hides. I will make it one day. Baby, please wait. I am coming.
i woke up without reason to smile. i tried; i was even saying hello to strangers. little good it did me now with no hope and no soul. i yell at my father, feel nothing. push my boots firm on each block of pavement, a rush to the head. fill me stone kill me clean. i stay on track, but i don't get what i almost had. happiness evades me like tomorrow, i have done it wrong. there's no money in my pocket and i continue to make small terrible mistakes. i didn't call. i did. i fell asleep. i fell off a building. i spoke. i didn't. whatever is said and done, i'm still wrong, still unhappy, still can't drive, still not free. it's the lesson i missed although i emulate it rather well when i think no one's looking. prick me where he left whole flesh. sink the stickers in. before the prince could cut the thorns down, sleeping me jumped in.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

What is hurts, my love-a-dee?
Could it be this bad treaty?
We sued but still we got no peace
We take what we get on our knees
I stand you up with my hands on your hips
But still you sway, as curved as roses there
My mission was heavier than it was right
Like trees, we crash and tear
Our song inherent in the bad wind
Whistling through the tipsy limbs
Nothing stays, we’re trapped again
We learn only how to sin
I rattle the bones hung round my neck
Pull out my hair and call the dead
My marriage to this giant bends without a break
There’s sickness stuck in what I’m fed
I want back everything I lost
I take back everything I said
I have not changed, I’m still the same
I still hide in a shoebox under my bed
But please can’t I begin again?
I promise to do it right
I want to feel the flow of peace
To find a home tonight
Show me again the old red road
There’s nothing for me here
I learned to accept that what is just is
I’ve swallowed lies and beer
It’s getting colder with each flame
Can you come back inside?
I want to feel that warmth again
It’s better when I cry

Monday, June 06, 2005

REFUGE protest

this morning we protested outside of a place called Refuge, organzed by a group called Love In Action. we're going back every day this week and every day next week, and you should join us. for more information, morgan jon fox's livejournal is all you need. please help! if you want to get email updates, just send a message to cale at
and watch us on the news tonight!!!!

Monday, May 30, 2005


to celebrate the recent purchase of the life aquatic by the stewart-jacobs family, we will be conducting a wes anderson night. it will take place either at lauren henry's house or my own humble abode. we own the royal tennenbaums and the life aquatic on dvd and rushmore on tape, but if you can bring that or bottle rocket on dvd, we would be much obliged. let me know if you're interested in coming.
p.s. earlier this year, meg and i wanted to have this same party and serve food that's eaten in wes anderson movies. i was sitting here thinking and i have fucking clue what gets eaten in wes anderson movies. any clues?

Monday, May 09, 2005

it's time to love your monkey

mix made for me by brandon. just got it in the mail, and i'm posting the track list for easy access. you don't have to pay attention.

01) dave dean - ???
02) eagles of death metal - bad dream mama
03) ???
04) ian dury and the blockheads - you're more than fair
05) bob marley - nice time
06) the beatles - i will
07) kimya dawson - you love me
08) liliput - you did it
09) of montreal - so begins our alabee
10) clinic - come into our room
11) the flaming lips - take meta mars
12) iggy pop - the passenger
13) sleater-kinney - i wanna be yr joey ramone
14) throwing muses - him dancing
15) richard hell and the voidoids - i'm your man
16) al green - let's stay together
17) t. rex - mambo sun
18) the moldy peaches - jorge regula
19) matty popchart - ???
20) devendra banhart - the electric heart

Thursday, May 05, 2005

show on friday may 6!

SCANDALIZ VANDALISTZ and LIGHTAJO live at the Full Moon Club (upstairs of Zinnie's East at 1718 Madison Ave)
visit our myspace pages to hear what we sound like:
Scandaliz Vandalistz
Doors open at 8
Music at 8:30
Support Memphis music!!

Saturday, April 23, 2005

you might even see a murder

well, everyone, the year will soon be closing, and before it does i have to make the LAST CALL FOR CD SWAP. it's doing really well. check it. now, there are some of you who said you'd participate but never turned in a list of what you've got. if you're still up for it, i want it now!! for those of you who think that what you've got isn't anything amazing, seriously. let us be the judge of that. plus it helps to have duplicates so one person doesn't end up with a huge burden (like me. ahahah.) so please reconsider playing with us, and DO IT UP, BABY.
email me your list. yes.

listening to: marcy playground - the vampires of new york

Thursday, April 21, 2005

i ain't had much to live for...

yesterday was the greatest:
  • music videos
  • clickity clank and rooftop workers
  • walk to Sonic
  • toaster sandwich! (makes any day worth living)
  • coin change at Kroger
  • sidewalk chalk attack!
  • good deed at the gas station (i turned in a purse i found in the bathroom)
  • talked to a very interesting schizophrenic woman
  • coke icee all the way
  • drive to and escape from Cordova
  • Shelby Farms swings (spider, baby.)
  • see. saw. panties.
  • return to home base for the missing pieces (bass guitar)
  • drive through Overton to ogle at stoners
  • grassy Starbucks knoll
  • howard vance drop-off
  • quick gas station stop for sodas and candy
  • am i a celebrity or something?
  • sneak into the cemetary (very inconspicuous)
  • art critique of jesus's life and bling cave
  • crystal shrine grotto debasement
  • discussion of the credibility and vitality of the tree bench
  • jesus's life is even better a second time
  • wander through the mausoleum (there was a body out)
  • hide and seek
  • play around on the top of mausoleum (it is a hill)
  • modeling sessions
  • rooftop scene scouting
  • cordova attack!
  • Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and too much popcorn
  • nachoooooos
  • i love lauren and john


listening to: violent femmes - gimme the car

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

days gone by

this picture is the proof that i belong in new orleans:

Originally uploaded by PickMeRalph.

i honestly can't believe this was only TWO AND A HALF weeks ago. it feels like forever.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

over the brainless chattering null set

friday's hamlet screening preview was a technical nightmare. but everyone still managed to have fun. thanks to each of the kids who came over to my house afterwards. although you were an awkward grouping, it was good times and i like all of you.
saturday involved rehearsal, dinner with some of my favorite people at memphis pizza cafe, and random time spent in houses. 3 and a half hours of music video watching. 16 D batteries. and a BIG FUCKIN ROACH. WITH BIG FUCKIN WINGS. at that point, you know you must go to bed.
today was (unconsciously) feminist activism day. who fucking knew? it was only spring, we were only aiming to have a good time. honking horns weren't the aim of short strappy dresses... although, admittedly, the strange eye make up did get its fair share of stares from the people of otherlands, java cabana, young avenue deli, wild oats, home depot, our own voice theatre troupe, and chuck munter. when kimberly said, "is this supposed to be some sort of feminist statement?" we took a moment to look down at our rather exposing outfits. woopsy daisy!! i'm innocent, i swear.

listening to: 50 foot wave - pneuma

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Friday, April 15, 2005

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

after today, my aquarian brain will be clear! goodbye, neptune. let's have an unclouding. bring your coursebooks, decline letters, anything pertaining to this whole college mess... we will get excited!

Sunday, April 10, 2005

it brought peace to my mind in the summertime

yesterday was completely awesome!!!!!!!! WEVL went really well. i just listened to the tape my parents made, and we sounded really good. i'm pretty irritating when i speak, but whatever. we kept giggling like the wholesome kiddies we are. i think a lot of people heard it, though. (did you? please let us know! we grow curiouser and curiouser.) the people were so sweet, and took pictures for us. they're going to send as a CD copy of the show too, which i may be able to turn into mp3s. rawk.

Scandaliz Vandalistz and Rebecca at WEVL
Originally uploaded by elevatorlady.

after that, we wandered around South Main and ate at a sports bar called The Green Beetle. ahhaha.
we got to Jay Etkin Gallery around 6:15 to set up and watch people arrive. we made silly artwork, listened to the drum circle, and greeted guests. we played at 8:30 and our set lasted longer than we expected! impressive. the crowd was really receptive and awesome. (by the way, if anyone has comments about the set or pictures to share, please email them to the whole fundraiser was awesome and we raised over $1,000. i'm really proud of SV for being so great and OOV for getting so many people downtown. thanks so much, everyone who came. and special thanks to those of you who bought the silly art in the auction... you're awesome. the other two bands who played were equally great. Lightajo, zak's new band, asked us to play another show with them sometime, and Cale LeFevre played some really beautiful songs. again... thanks thanks thanks. you're all great

listening to: jane's addiction - summertime rolls

Saturday, April 09, 2005

like a dog whistle

okay, listen up. i know we've been plugging it all week (longer?) but now you have to listen for real!
without cancelling all your plans for the day, you need to find a way to 1) find a radio at 4:30 and 2) find yourself downtown at 8:30.
Scandaliz Vandalistz will be playing LIVE on WEVL 89.9 today some time around 4:30, on the Pajama Party show, so please tune in to hear a couple songs and a little interview. After that, you've got a few hours (doors open at 7) to get ready, scrounge up some dollars, and somehow get downtown where you will find a parking space and head for 409 South Main St. There, you will pay the malleable admission fee (aim for $10) and enter the wonderful world of free food, improv games, art activities, and live music provided by Lightajo, Cale LeFevre, and your favorite lovably crappy band, SV. You will have a good time. You will be glad you came. You will be supporting Memphis artists and you will feel good about yourself. Just think: because of your attendance at one show, Our Own Voice Theatre Troupe will be closer to their goal of being able to attend a Mindfreedom conference in Washington, D.C. that is going to cost lots and lots of money for the travel expenses of a whole group of people. They're not aiming to make a profit, and they deserve to be given the contents of your pockets.

listening to: scandaliz vandalistz - long dog
(yes, it's a new song. now don't you want to hear it? better turn out tonight, bitches!)

Monday, April 04, 2005

no snow, no rain -- how do you expect to keep this place clean?

i shouldn't be online anymore. but i'm still giddy and wahahaha. scandaliz vandalistz are doing so well! i'm very proud of our write-up in the paper, our upcoming gigs, and even all our myspace friends. truly, this is a great time for SV.
and also a great time for Do You Know Where Your Children Are? Productions, if i do say so myself. we're still working on coming up with a big ole dvd and are hoping to have the hamlet premiere this weekend or next weekend... whatever ends up happening when we talk to mr. foxy. katherine and i had been planning to do a little more editing before we opened the gates of hamlet to the world, but what with our stunning ratings with the screen audience (plus the fact that brandon has watched the thing three times within the past 24 hours) i think it's safe to go ahead with this version. maybe fix up the bloopers and whatnot. but you get the idea.
anyway i'm very proud of my little hatchlings. and oh, how i hate physics homework. especially when it's late and i already took the test on the material today. apowighepoawhgopawhe

listening to: 50 foot wave - golden ocean

the streets are strangely quiet

after a bunch of school work, a terrible talent show, and phone calls from the press last week, i cut school on friday to drive to new orleans with my mother. i got to hang out with brandon on friday and saturday evenings, and most of the day saturday was designated to the loyola open house. i love the school, and being there was really nice. especially since i had zoe to tag along with! hooray. it was a really long couple of days. i love the city of new orleans and brandon's friends and stuff. i wish i had more to say but i'm drained and tired. i have been in a really good mood, i hope it stays that way.

listening to: of montreal - oslo in the summertime

Friday, April 01, 2005

so so serious

love mix made for me by brandon. he gave it to me when i was in new orleans, and i'm posting the track list for easy access. you don't have to pay attention.

01) tracy + the plastics - big stereo
02) the postal service - such great heights
03) the beatles - don't pass me by
04) the white stripes - i'm finding it harder to be a gentleman
05) modest mouse - alone down there
06) throwing muses - call me
07) beck - painted eyelids
08) jonathan richman - a higher power
09) björk - generous palmstroke
10) pixies - hey
11) interpol - NARC
12) jay-z - allure
13) bob marley - guava jelly
14) jane's addiction - summertime rolls
15) jimi hendrix - come on
16) iggy pop - no fun
17) modest mouse - trailer trash
18) the donner party - we cannot be happy

Monday, March 28, 2005

alone, i emplore ya

today i got my rejection letter from oberlin. YES!!!!!!!!
not really. but it's a little refreshing to get a rejection letter. mostly because it's from somewhere i didn't really have the money for (or the energy for) in the first place. it just helps me out. i actually remember worrying, months ago, what would happen if i got in there. how could i refuse the honor? well thank god there's no honor. but more importantly, i'm really sad that katherine didn't get accepted to the conservatory. although she did get into the regular college, the music part is the harder part. she probably doesn't want me announcing it on my blog, but nobody reads this anyway. and sometimes it's sort of easier to say it in these kinds of ways rather than having to say it yourself. i hope she still goes to oberlin, because it is perfect for her.
in other news, i'm trying to write some lyrics for a new scandaliz vandalistz song. well technically i'm trying to write some lyrics to match an old tune katherine wrote, but i don't know if it's going to work out. i chose a weird, silly day to do it so i'm getting a weird, silly song. not that SV isn't that, but it's not really going in the direction i hoped.
BUT! i made my first gig booking as the scandaliz vandalistz manager. not a really big deal, but i did it up. everybody better come see us at the our own voice fundraiser on april 9! more details later.
everyone be sure to come to the pro bono battle of the bands meeting tomorrow. if not enough people show up, we can't get organized, and if we can't get organized, then we aren't going to get to have one this year... and you know you wanna see SV do it up on stage in our final year. come on, pro boners!

listening to: pj harvey - i think i'm a mother

Sunday, March 27, 2005

our slate is clean, say what you mean

thursday was sara's party. it was very good fun. i danced a lot and stayed up too late, but did not get kissed.
friday, dad picked us up and dropped me off at LA's house where we separated into two cars and scuttled our way to helena, arkansas. good times were had by all. i hope.
that night was the hamlet preview. people laughed, which is a good thing. we read up on our horoscopes. aquarius kicks the shit out of your sign.
saturday was mostly made for dawdling. alice and LA randomly showed up, and once brock arrived, we watched "toys." LA went to get laylee, and after the movie, we ate a expensively scrumptious meal at india palace. laylee, you are so right about that rice. then we rented "a midsummer night's rave" which was probably the worst movie ever. i love bad movies, but is anyone going to pay me back for that thing?
today mom made morgan and i dress up like easter eggs for our easter dinner, featuring steak and candlelight. it made me want to go vegetarian. i love the bread group. then i had to go to the joni dark rehearsal to be on book and cover eileen's lines. which are all my old lines. everyone should go to see it this weekend at u of m.
scandaliz vandalistz has gotten lots of fan mail lately. we are so loved. someone from WEVL played our song for beifuss himself, and he liked it! he now has his own copy. life continues to be grand...
every cd i've bought lately is completely awesome. as far as i know.

listening to: the thermals - our trip

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

hayden played "hey mr. beifuss" on WEVL today. yeah baby. now i'm a rock n roll star.

Monday, March 21, 2005


Friday, March 18, 2005

got back home yesterday afternoon. then katherine came over to edit. she spent the night and we just woke up. i'm starving!

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

asheville is great and warren wilson is beautiful!!

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

stayed here a thousand years

i'm definitely on my laptop in our lovely holiday inn hotel. this is super hott. i've got a free piece of coffee and a cookie and i'm about to edit some hambone while mom takes a nap before we go to dinner. asheville (the surrounding area, anyway) is so beautiful.. filled with green mountains and sweet air. it's not even that cold, even though the forecast is evil for tomorrow. mom and i were expecting much worse. i just talked to brandon on the phone for a few minutes, which was nice. i lay in the bathtub and accidentally turned the faucet on with my feet once or twice. woops. now i'm wet. ho ho ho.
did you know how many great songs there are about supermarkets? it's amazing.

listening to: salvador deli - grocery

strong women gripe and bite your heavy tongues

i recommend that everyone definitely go see "robots" not only because it is a funny little movie, but because william joyce (one of my favorite illustrators as a child) designed it. and it is sooooo amazing. not only does it look just like one of his paintings, but the animation is also really good. the quality of his work doesn't get lost in the translation, which is so great. it's really inventive. and made me happy. so see it.
today is nutty. i don't know where it went.... LA spent the night last night. we had the weirdest triple feature of all time: kill bill vol. 2, boys don't cry, and high times' potluck. WHAT THE FUCK!? we ate three-cheese bagel bites, gushers, circus peanuts, and cherry coke. it was gruesome and phenomenal. we spooned our way into sleep and she left early this morning. at which point mom decided we were going to wait until tomorrow to leave for asheville, because she was stressed out. which is probably good since i hadn't gotten anything done on that writing scholarship mess and 905723 other things. which i guess i should continue to work on right now. if you have any last minute helpful hints, let me know. but no one is really around so. fuck ya.

listening to: 50 foot wave - clara bow

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Saturday, March 12, 2005

There are two muffins baking in an oven, and the first muffin says, “Oh my god, we’re in an oven!” and the second muffin says, “Oh my god, a talking muffin!”

i need your lovin like the sunshine

this week has been INSANE. i don't even know how to describe it. katherine and i have been shooting and editing hamlet all week. thank you thank you to everyone who was in it or put up with us laughing about meat puns or let us film in their grocery store.... we love you to death and we're eternally indebted. we shot the last scene on thursday night, and actually stayed home on wednesday to edit, although we only got one or two scenes done during the day. then we ran into some really horrible computer problems and so everything became a lot more difficult to finish. katherine talked to ms. wyatt, who was very sympathetic and asked us to just turn in the script for now. we're going to work madly to finish over break. mom and i are leaving tomorrow or monday (we're very unorganized) to visit warren wilson college, which i got an acceptance email from last saturday. it was very nice and totally personal. they are very nice. i need to enter their creative writing scholarship too so i need to get some things together... any suggies? (help!) i guess i will take my laptop and the Jerry harddrive with me on our trip and edit in the hotel room... katherine left for oberlin on friday morning. i hope everything is going well for her! she emailed me last night and sounded very happy. everything will be perfect, i know i know.
last night morgan finally had her star wars party with eileen, sara foot, lena, mouse, emma, bekka, and newman. great times were had by all. lots of nutso cookies were consumed. and robin's eggs. mmmm. i had my first ever cherry vanilla dr. pepper or some craziness. the original is definitely better.
i just ordered a bunch of shit from amazon. i am the awesome. everything is nuts. i should run away.

listening to: the korgis - everybody's got to learn sometime

Saturday, March 05, 2005

under the bullshit radar, i came to find you

today at school was not bad. i just read our beautiful hamlet script in every class and tried really hard to de-nervous-y myself by starting a shooting schedule, listing names of groceries, and even editing the script a little bit. i don't think my small changes will make it even as far as the set, but it was comforting to do. so after school, katherine went home to get her aprons and came back to school at 3:10. hamlet, morgan, sallis, and i piled into her car and drove directly across the street to shnuck's. we got all decked out in the parking lot and made all these preparations for like half an hour. we finally went in and decided the place is hideous. we split and ran to super-lo. we actually decided to ask if we could film there ("it's a school project!") but they have some weird legal issues with it in case one of us gets hurt...? so we went to the piggly wiggly by LA's house. we were going to go to the big star, but sallis couldn't find it. and this piggly wiggly turned out so beautifully.... it was pretty amazing. all the people there (employees and customers alike) were really sweet to us. some guys stacking potatoes even wanted to be in it. but they runnoft. unfortunately it took us a really long time to get to our perfect location, but once we were there, everything was smooth sailing. i was kind of upset that we didn't even get an entire scene shot, because morgan had to be home by 5:30 so she could get ready for eileen's birthday. it sucks that these things had to be on the same night, but ah, such is the life. she and newman left for the party, and katherine and i had dinner at young avenue deli. i'd eaten a lard cookie, so i didn't enjoy my food as much as i should have. but you know. we had a really great conversation. i guess we must've been there a long time... who can say? we got home and worked from about 8:30 to 12:30 straight. as i've said before, katherine and i work well together because we're both perfectionists and good at compromise. that's what makes everything ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT. it's pretty terrifying that it took so long to edit just three pieces of scenes, though. i'm pretty worried. but as long as we can stick to our new shooting schedule, i can maybe do some of the editing on my own while katherine toots her horn next week. we'll see. i'm still really nervous though. we're going to try and do the whole thing at that one store, which we weren't considering doing before. i hope it works out. we will give them a copy when it's done.
tomorrow's (incredibly rough) schedule:
11am -- scene 1 and 2 (newman, alanna)
12pm -- scene 6 (newman, alanna, katherine)
1pm -- scene 11 (newman, alanna, katherine)
2pm -- scene 3 (sallis, mr. dohan, morgan)
3pm -- scene 9 (newman, alanna, mr. dohan)
4pm -- scene 4 (newman, alanna, mr. dohan, morgan)
5pm -- scenes 10 and 12 (morgan)
that will all change tomorrow, i can tell you that much. but if you're on the list, could you please show up? thanks. we'll call if we're crazy behind. but hopefully we'll have a lot of time to run around and shoot all the extra stuff that's not really included on the schedule. i'm PRETTY DAMN WORRIED. the more i think about it, the worse it gets. so i guess i should set my alarm clock for 8:30 and get to bed. sigh.

listening to: kristin hersh - deep wilson

Friday, March 04, 2005

can i sleep in your shadow?

what a long night. katherine and i started writing the rest of "hamlet" over the phone at probably about 8:30. maybe 8? it is now 2:15. i am going to go to sleep without opening my backpack, i believe. what's the point anymore, anyway? obviously this english project is ruling my life. obviously 50 points for a project grade is HUGE compared to every other class i'm taking and tests and assignments. i life in their faces. ho ho ho i laugh at you! i'm going nuts. i haven't been up this late on a school night in quite a while. fuck. well hamlet is brilliant, anyway. if you want to read it, let us know. i hope it all translates well to film. it would if we had more time and better resources, but... i love bootleg, so. it's going to be awesome. if you are newman, sallis, brock, morgan, or my parents, we need you for as much time as you can spare tomorrow and saturday. PLEASE. we're buying all the food, how could you possibly say no?
lauren dunn's birthday party is saturday night. i can't wait.

listening to: nedelle - the natural night

Thursday, March 03, 2005

i LOVE love songs.

you bought a new bag of pot
so let's make a new start
and that's the way to my heart
(hand claps)

listening to: spoon - the way we get by

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

wake up early and you live to regret it

just got home from the factory (i.e. just got off the phone with katherine from writing two grueling scenes of hamlet) and this little head is aching for the pillow. unfortunately i still have to finish reading Heart of Darkness and... oh, i don't know, doing god knows what. whatever it is that i do that makes it impossible for me to get to sleep on time. how does it get so late these days?

listening to: modest mouse & 764-hero - whenever you see fit

Monday, February 28, 2005

i can't consider

i feel like hell. i stayed home again today, and i'm glad i did. i don't have anything to say except for that i had a good weekend until about 7:30 last night at which point my stomach became my enemy. i got in bed and couldn't fall asleep until like 11 or so. and then i slept badly all night. i'm very sick. i hate life.

listening to: interpol - PDA

Thursday, February 24, 2005

sprint across the wire

i love kristin hersh. i love music. i love life.
isn't this the coolest thing ever created? someone should buy it for me. or at least contribute a dollar to the why-the-fuck-is-it-all-the-way-in-london fund.
i know i asked already but has anyone thought of a book to start off the book club with? katherine sort of suggested the bell jar, but obviously i finished that. i'm really restless and am in no hurry to read chapter 7 of the ap psych book. i feel like there's a thousand things i should've been doing today. usually if you're absent for two days in a row you have a bit of make up work. but my assignbook is sickeningly (gloriously) empty. ah well. i was so bored in school today, i almost shot my face open. the past week i'd been reading every chance i got and today i felt tired and dead. and sick. i forgot to take my day-quil, which was a bad move.
i got invited to another pono party tomorrow night. i don't have anything to wear though, so i might not be able to go.
i know this is weird of me to be asking, in a way, but is anyone going to bonnaroo? i might actually go.... seriously.
brandon saw modest mouse on sunday. he shook isaac's hand. tomorrow he is seeing blonde redhead and interpol. we aren't on speaking terms.

listening to: 50 foot wave - your ghost

it's safe to say

yesterday i stayed home again. i was so bored, i read the entirety of "the bell jar." i hate being so critical, but i was admittedly pretty disappointed. anyone care to discuss? please say yes before i forget the whole thing.
katherine (dohan) called and invited me to dinner with her and katherine (warren) at pho saigon. i had some lovely soup and we tried to think of things to do for the "hamlet" parody. it was going badly. we went to ck's for coffee and cloves. i somehow came up with the concept of setting the whole film in a grocery store, which katherine latched onto as genius. well i sure hope it is genius, because i'd like to do a good job with this movie. anyway, i was so proud, i ordered another coffee and a grilled cheese to fuel my brain. now we are on a roll. i'm worried, though, because katherine is leaving for st. olaf tomorrow and will be leaving for oberlin a couple days before hte project is due. so we have to finish early and i don't know. i hope we survive.
today i went back to school. i was really dreading it, having not gone to school in almost a week. but it was okay.
i've got no plans whatsoever for the weekend. oh yeah, pink floyd light show on saturday night. the last one ever in memphis, run by our own brett hanover. we've all gotta go. tomorrow is senior out to lunch. i think we're going to quizno's, then gibson's. i'm excited. although i'd rather go to young avenue deli. anyone want to venture over there with me sometime soon? say yes.
my report card is surprisingly good. isn't that hysterical? i'm about to go to baskin robbins with mom and morgan. weeooo!

listening to: sonic youth - candle

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

ain't got no use for your red apple juice

i feel like crap. i'm trying to eat pizza and drink chamomile tea. you'd think this would be a disgusting combination, but it doesn't really taste like anything so i'm not minding. today i felt like crap. my head is clouded up and i can't think. i hope to be better soon. fuck this shit.

listening to: the be good tanyas - rain and snow

Monday, February 21, 2005

take your aim, hit your mark

yet again, i apologize for not blogging in so long. more than a week. geez. i wonder why i try. this week was okay, i guess? monday was valentine's day and therapy. after school on tuesday, margaret, brock, and i hung out at the vintage mcdonald's and marquette park. on wednesday brock and i had chai at starbucks. thursday was solely dedicated to making an interrobang video with katherine, brock, and brett; i didn't get started on my homework until really late, and after a call from william, i gave up. friday, our video didn't even get shown. after school, a strange group consisting of me, brock, brett, LA, john r, and elise (?) went to get hawaian shaved ice and spent forever doing nothing in the parking lot. the core four took a mini road trip to rossville. not exactly houston, but it was good times. we walked around a bit before breaking into this abandoned building that was at one point a school, then something like storage for a bunch of bikes and motorcycles. the most recent stuff in there were all these huge garbage bags filled with crushed soda cans. we found a lot of really cool shit, and everybody brought a little something home. i snagged a little box thing and a very cool motorcycle helmet. we got some records, letters, photos, signs, etc. we walked down a little nature trail by the wolf river until it got dark. we wanted to eat dinner at the wolf river cafe but the whole damn town was there, and we would've had to wait an hour to eat, and we didn't really have enough money. we drove a little bit out of the town and lay on a sleeping back looking at stars. my mom called and told me that she was with our cat grandpa at the vet. he'd had a liver failure and had, apparently for a while now, some kind of kidney cancer. it was so surprising, so sudden. he was such a sweet cat, huge, and with the loudest purr i've ever heard. perfect for us when we were in third grade, and carried him around in ways no other cat would allow. brittany, morgan, and i loved him because he would run to us when we snapped our fingers (brittany named him Snapper). when we found him, i secretly hoped he was pregnant. the cat we were never supposed to own. we felt sorry for him because his family moved away and didn't take him with them. we started feeding him, took him into our home in the winter, moved to this house with him. morgan and i attributed his laziness (he would recline on the kitchen floor, and pull little food bits out of his bowl onto the floor next to his mouth, and basically inhale them) to his late night adventures. who knows what went on in house basements, in bushes, under the light of streetlamps? he'd take his time coming home, and sit on the window sill meowing until someone opened the door and fed him. he had this look that he was constantly bored, above all of us, but humored us all the same. he was a fox. he got high on catnip and didn't come down from the top of the kitty condo for hours. mom says he was younger than i had calculated... only 9 or 10, although it's all speculative. there's no one who disliked that cat. i hope his life with us was happy. i hope he wasn't angry with us for not noticing his pain or for putting him to sleep on friday night. our other cat has barely left my side since then. she's fairly perceptive, and i think she knew immediately that grandpa was not going to come home. now she doesn't have a bathing buddy or a friend to venture out onto the backyard with. i hadn't really seen much of him lately, but now that i think about it, he hadn't been very active. i wonder if something could've happened differently if we'd noticed sooner. not that we could have afforded it. but maybe he preferred it this way, staying at home with his family until the end.
i debated going home after mom called me, but there was nothing i could really do there except be sad. so i tried not to think about it too much while we ate dinner at popeye's and then watched ferngully at LA's house. we had a short and disconnected conversation about philosophy. LA drove me home around 11:30. i went straight to bed. i woke up on saturday around 10 with my cat at the foot of the bed. mom and i spent a little while talking on the couch. i love my mom. we are very similar. she took me and lauren to see bad education, where brock also met us. it was a great movie and i recommend that you go out to see it if you get a chance. morgan fox had been in the theatre and we said hello briefly. he's a really nice man. we should take "much finer" to him soon, i think. mom drove lauren home, and we stopped by raffe's deli to buy some hommus. we tried to rent the motorcycle diaries, as we are both in love with gael garcia however you say it, but it was out at blockbuster. so we came home, ordered camy's pizza, and watched the discreet charm of the bourgeoisie which mom had given too me for valentine's day. it was funny and strange. mom got in bed to read, and, even though it was really early, i accidentally fell asleep next to her. i was woken up when morgan and dad got home from the play, and i was really tired so i went and got in my own bed. after that, it took me a really long time to fall back asleep. i should've taken some nyquil. my cold has been getting unfortunately worse. i guess i fell asleep at some point because i was awoken when my phone started ringing. LA called asking if she and john could come over and borrow a movie. they arrived a few minutes later, and i tried to help them find something. i hope they had a good night with memento, junior, and both bill and ted movies. i went back to bed after they left but stayed awake forever. sunday i woke up before 10 somehow, feeling more sick. made chai for morgan and i, to soothe our throats, and watched the newsies with her and mom. i sat around reading and eating hommus for a while, then took a nap for something like three hours. when i woke up i felt miserable and looked around for something to eat, but to no avail. eventually i had some reheated pizza and a vanilla coke. brock and sallis arrived at the same time to watch adapatation. has anyone seen that? want to talk about it? sallis and brock didn't see it the same way i did. i suck at movies, though. they went home at the same time. morgan and i sat in the kitchen eating thin mints while i heated up a cup of the chai that i made way too much on accident. she and i talked for a really long time into the night. we always get worked up if we talk for too long. we went to bed eventually. i was woken up abrutly, early this morning (before 8 haha) by a thunderstorm. i hate thunder. it really scares me and makes me feel like a little kid. i realized as i woke up a little more than i couldn't really breathe through my nose, and that my ceiling was dripping a little puddle of water. the drip only lasted for a few minutes, thank god, and not for the whole storm. how weird though. i got up and finished reading "the funnies" which is a book brandon gave me for christmas. it was really good. now i can't wait to start the book club!! does anyone have any suggestions for what we start off with? the tentative reading list includes the bell jar, the fountainhead, east of eden, the rainbow, franny and zooey, and brave new world. the members (whoever they turn out to be) will take turns picking the book, and my mom is going to mediate the discussions. i am very very excited. don't fuck up! right now i should probably be doing homework or something.

listening to: cerveris - SPCA

Monday, February 14, 2005

stick it to the m-a-n, man

anyone want to drive to houston to see modest mouse on the three-day weekend? of course you do. now if you WILL, it's another story. ho hum. i tried.
had a nice weekend. a lot of at-home time that didn't bother me. i got a lovely knit hat from brittany in the mail. what a great birthday present! it's so soft and nice. friday was a half day. i learned a LOT sitting in the gym while the beauty pageant happened on the other side of the school. puhlease. i can't say enough about how much i hate that bullshit. so brock and i people-watched (trevor, where are you?) until jeff wagner introduced himself to us. after school, sallis, katherine, brett, eileen, lena, and i went to (east) memphis pizza cafe. i love that shit. then sallis, brett, and i had milkshakes at java. mine was cinnamon and, of course, glorious. then sallis took me home and i sat around. brett showed up at our house right before we left for the play. i got a chai at starbucks. mom got coffee so that she could stay awake for the play haha. she didn't even get to see it, though, because she had to run the house and didn't want to come in late. it was fun though, i had a nice time. afterwards no one could decide what to do, so we just danced at theatreworks for a long time. i came home and bumbled. on saturday i had a hummus pita and a grilled cheese for lunch with my lovely mother. in fact, i bumbled quite a lot. at 5:45 brett came over and we bumbled simultaneously. finally we called brock to make him decide what to do. he was about to see finding neverland with alice, so we showed up for that, although we couldn't sit with them because we got there so late. the movie was good although brett and i nearly starved to death. and then, of course, alice and brock had already eaten, so we starved some more. we then drove to theatreworks in the rain and, after (to brett's dismay) some dancing, we got together a group of 11 people and walked over to ihop. when i discovered that over half of our company wasn't going to eat, i ordered THE BIG BASIC to make up for it. despite everything, our waiter was very sweet and patient, and we had a lovely time. then i came home and bumbled. a late night phone call made me happy. today was nothing at all, i've forgotten it. except for spending two hours at the library hanging out with lauren d, my favorite person. we got chais and she checked out some books from the classics section, for fun. it was nice and we didn't even attempt the math project. ho ho ho. nothing else happened.
june bug ate my fucking shoe, and chewed up some computer cables so now we only have the internet on one computer. DESPAIR.
proving thoughts are cyclic, i've again been thinking about how much i hate fake shit. especially when people pull that stuff. it has just been bothering me more than normal. almost everything seems forced, even most music that i usually like. so mostly i can only listen to pixies and kristin hersh. in an attempt to better my world and yours, i ask you to PLEASE DON'T BE FAKE AROUND ME. for one thing, i can't handle it anymore. it's really trying on my emotions, to be constantly puzzling over what people actually think about me. the past few months have been rough sailing, partly because of that. i don't want to be someone who's super concerned with what people think about me, but i'd like to be certain that my friends like me. when i don't feel like my friends like me, things are not good. if you don't like me, go away. that's something i can deal with on my own. actually i'd rather have no friends than false friends. it's a really sad thing to witness... i guess in a lot of groups there's someone people don't really like, and just keep them around. everybody's too fucking insecure. anyway i know that i'm a really irritating person, so i guess i don't really need that pointed out so much as i need people not to pretend i'm not. if that makes any sense. mm i want community, not selfishness. i just want reality, nothing false anymore. as keats once gushed, "beauty is truth, truth beauty." i used to have a big purple button that said "beauty is truth" but it broke. i loved that pin. i tried to keep the pieces, but i lose everything.
ooh i just found an arrowhead in the deep clay dirt of the computer desk. is that lucky?

Thursday, February 10, 2005

still ain't got no driver's license

to blog... is pain. agowpihgpwohei. i figured i'd update because i find myself strangely lacking in things to do. i'm sure it's a lie. tomorrow is queen of clubs, plotted perfectly on a half day. so we have no class. so i have no homework. i finished frankenstein. it is a good book. i recommend poetry by adrienne rich. i recommend "the score" by fugees. i recommend listening to minnie proctor's new mp3s. and while i'm at it, i should go ahead and plug our BEAUTIFUL cd swap site by mentioning how well it's going. especially the big list which i finished messing with last night. if you haven't sent me your list, please do it. because i love you. and to those of you who know about the site and have already made some requests, don't worry. i'm on it.

listening to: themselves - paging dr. moon or gun

Friday, February 04, 2005

i hate you, blog.

i guess only a little bit. i've been busy doing nothing this weeek.... sort of i just didn't want to write a detailed post about my birthday so i avoided it and i'm not going to. but i had a GREAT GREAT GREAT time and thanks to everyone who showed up. i got some amazing gifts (ohhh thank you), ate a lot of cakes, smoked some nice cigars, and generally indulged in happiness. this week has been okay. i'm still alive thanks to the thoughts of margaret and meg's no judgement day party tonight. YES!
CD exchange is in full swing. thanks to everyone who's brought copies of their list around. laylee had a brilliant idea that this would work much better online, so here is what we have so far. if your name doesn't have a link on it, please email me a copy of your list sometime soon. and test out the search engine, take a look around. who knew so many people owned "jagged little pill?" anyway. i'm excited. let me know if you have any trouble or if i can change the site in any helpful way.
i had another paragraph planned but i forgot what it was going to say. so here it is.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

drawn up in lights

i got accepted to loyola!!! last night i was on their website trying to figure out when i would know and trying not to start looking too soon. and today as we were walking towards the house, there was a big envelope and i was like "haha maybe it's my loyola letter" and it totally was. so. that was a nice way to start the afternoon.
then morgan and foot sang that scary song about "peanut peanut butter and jelly and jelly" to me. i cry.
now they have kicked me out because they are working on a project, and i'm probably going to work on my cd list some more. i hope you are all doing the same! there's no more option, everyone MUST participate in the mega cd swap. or i come to your house and take everything.
tonight we might go to young avenue deli, and i hope we do. i'm not even hungry, but oh i will be.

listening to: tori amos - glory of the 80s

Monday, January 24, 2005

i heard you drove a silvery sports car

today was pretty good for a monday. but any day that i get two tests pushed back and only go to three and a half classes is awesome. we had a speaker, edward mitchell, who was one of the first men to walk on the moon. and now he does this stuff called noetic sciences about humanity's collective consciousness, basically. it was pretty interesting, and i liked him. he said some good things. it was too bad that so many people slept through it, but i guess it can't be helped. i had a headache for a large portion of the idea, but i MADE chai when i came home (katherine and i bought some tazo mix from starbucks on saturday) and i am now headache-free. ah the joys of living. right now i should be writing my research paper, like always, but of course i am not. oh well. i'm hoping that last year will repeat itself, and when i sit down to do this shit, it'll sort of flow and i'll end up really enjoying myself. i do like papers. and i finally fixed my thesis to something that i like, so it should all just sort itself out now. hope hope hope.

listening to: bandits - catch me

Sunday, January 23, 2005

you know you can follow my voice

between picnics, movies, quesadillas, and late late nights, i have had a nice weekend. so that is nice. i don't really have time to elaborate, what with research paper shit being due tomorrow. woe, woe is me. instead, i will use this time (while this article on the sense of nonsense prints) to introduce the brilliant MEGA CD SWAP. that is brock's title, it's a little inaccurate. but whatever.
1) Create a list of ALL your CDs. Even the really shitty ones. No lying or false advertising. (You can put your siblings' stuff too, if you'd like. Mine is an all-encompassing Stewart-Jacobs family catalog.)
2) Slap your name on it, make some copies (please try to conserve paper), and pass those babies out to whoever wants one.
3) Collect everyone else's CD lists, write your name on them, and highlight the albums that are yearning to belong in your collection.
4) Return the highlighted list and the appropriate number of blank CDs to the list's owner.
5) When you get your own lists back, burn away. Love illegality. Track lists would be helpful but are not required.
6) Exchange. Listen. Weep.

you are all invited to participate. because i want as much shit as i can get my hands on. if you're interested, let me know so that i know how many copies to make of these things. or, you can distribute your list via email if that works better for you. also, if you're borrowing any CDs from participating kiddies, be sure to return them so that they can get their lists together. any questions? thank you, i love you, good night.

listening to: tommy gnosis - wicked little town

Friday, January 21, 2005

oh, hey


listening to: tracy + the plastics - what you still want

Thursday, January 20, 2005

you always were a queer one from the start

yesterday i didn't blog or get on AIM at all, and i went to sleep at 11:30. do i feel like i accomplished more? fuck's sake, no. i just piddled around doing OTHER nonsense things, like eating junk food with sara and reloading the same web pages over and over. i spent forever and ever and EVER doing ridiculously stupid physics work just so that i could get an easy 100 homework grade to make up for the test i fucked up today. then i read "the rime of the ancient mariner" for english class. it's a silly poem, i like it. then i started reading "alice's adventures in wonderland," which i finished in class today. it is nice. and i'm glad to have a better understanding for the writing of my research paper, which will take place this weekend. moan moan. i hope i can make my thesis work right. brett, can i get my books back soon? thank you.
this week is faster than i could've imagined, but i've been silly and really nonchalant about school. and everything else. but it's been nice. does anyone want to help me make the weekend nice?
i love music.

listening to: belle and sesbastian - expectations

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

i disappear! i disappear!

today was too long. i had two tests i'd completely forgotten about. my research paper research doesn't exist. i'm trying to stay silly. that is all.

listening to: frente! - jungle

Monday, January 17, 2005

you are asleep

i am gritting my teeth in preparation for the battle ahead. everything will turn out great. alone means nothing. i don't care about everyone who doesn't care. i hate all humanity. die die die die die or at least leave me in peace.
i have to find a bubble.
why am i posting this.

listening to: placebo - bulletproof cupid

a symphony that's you

i hate having to update when it's been a long time. i hate catching up. so this is what you are going to get:
i had a really good week.
now that that's over with.... i am so fucking stuffed full of curry turkey pita. sweet godddddd. morgan and i are more full this weekend than we ever are because our parents are in boston. sarah is staying with us, and we go out for every meal. what the hell else would we spend the weekend money on? well it is nice. i'm not used to so much food, though. on friday we saw the life aquatic again. i think i can safely say that IT IS EVEN BETTER A SECOND TIME. if you haven't gone, you are missing out. last night we saw the house of the flying daggers, and it was not so good. maybe i am really picky. but the plot was ridiculous. there were some pretty visuals, i guess... i liked the choreographed fight sequences, but that's about it. it was pretty silly. but i think it's necessary for me to see a silly movie once in a while so that i can remember they exist. i am spoiled rotten sometimes.
also. i know i've talked about it before, but recently i have not really had a chance to RAVE about how much i love i encourage all of you to go get an account on it so that i can stalk you and look at what you're listening to. and you can stalk me.
i'm a loser.

listening to: kings of convenience - love is no big truth

Monday, January 10, 2005

you and me will be whirlwinds of danger

forgive me if i don't post much this week.
today is too long for me to be writing now.
i must flee.

listening to: kimya dawson - nobody's hippie

Sunday, January 09, 2005

i sleep with one hand on my heart

WOOHOO I'VE SENT IT IN SIX COLLEGE APPLICATIONS! i am very proud. it took me fucking long enough to get them in. but whatever, it's done and i'm happy. now i just have to write two more essays and i'll be rolling in daisies. hoorah, hoorah.
katherine better win the scholastic writing competition.
today was fucking awful. many things were said. but everything worked out, i think. things happened that needed to happen. things were accomplished. the day is finally over, and i am so glad. this week will be better.

listening to: throwing muses - no way in hell

it's too warm inside your hands

friday was great. ada came to senior out to lunch at atlanta bread company with alice, brock, katherine, laylee, and me. the place was a bad idea, but it was pretty fun being loud and irritating to the east memphis stiffies. we screamed about sex and drugs. after school brock and i went to starbucks then davis-kidd to hang out with margaret. we called alice but she decided she didn't want to hang out. ada met us there, we spent forever standing in the cold parking lot trying to keep warm. fire and ice, babies. we made plans to see tarah, and in the meantime went to visit sick laylee at her house. we ate ice cream and looked at baby pigs. ada called LA for the second time that night, but she also pulled out. nothing was really going the way we'd planned, and i thought ada would be irritated, but she was not. which i am glad for. anyway, ada, brock, and i left for tarah's but on the way she called us and said something had come up but she'd call us when it was over. we wasted time and money at sonic, but listened to good music. stopped by my house for a bit. brock had to go home, so me and ada went driving. tarah never called, so we ended up outside atlanta bread company again smoking cigars. margaret called and said they'd missed their movie, and shortly thereafter, she, christie, and elizabeth joined the party. elizabeth couldn't stay long, and the rest of us went to ck's for a quick cup of coffee. christie had to get home, but margaret invited ada and i to come hang out at her house for a while. we cuddled up in her lovely room and talked for hours. we all lost track of time, for sure. ada finally dropped me off at home around 4:30, and at that exact moment my cell phone started ringing. my dad had discovered that i was not in bed. i made up some weird lie about being outside and talking on the phone. i'm not sure he bought it, but he didn't bring it up today, so i'm not worried. this morning i woke up at like 11:30. had some pasta. watched a lord of the rings special feature with morgan and mom. talked on the phone for a little bit. took a shower. went back to bed until like 6:15, at which point i ate some backyard burger. dad got me a cheeseburger. it was a cooked burger with grated cheese sitting on the top. unfathomable. then morgan and i went to the american musical review at our school to see newman in all his magical glory. i am totally in love with him. in contrast, everything else about it was very shitty and high school as expected. everyone was either showing off or just boring to watch. i spent a lot of the time laughing silently to myself. no offense to anyone in it or anyone who enjoyed it-- it's nearly impossible to have a good high school show, and i'm super critical about them for some reason. almost everything about those things pisses me off, from stoned, self-important techies to selection of songs to irritating people in the audience. oh man i can't help it. afterwards, dad picked me up. we had to drive duncan home. i like her. i watched yellow submarine with my parents. it is not anywhere near being the best beatles movie, and this time i enjoyed it less than i ever have before. i guess i was just in a really critical mood tonight. oh well. then i talked to brandon on the phone a while. i meant to go to bed right afterwards but look at this. here i am. i've already brushed my teeth and everything. sometimes i wonder why i keep this stupid blog, it just wastes my time and yours. now don't you feel silly for spending all that time reading this silly thing? yes you do. good night.

listening to: sleater-kinney - turn it on

Thursday, January 06, 2005

smoke that tumbleweed

who drew the best research paper topic EVER? oh it's me.
"Sense and nonsense in Lewis Carroll's Jabberwocky and Alice in Wonderland."
fuckin a! oh yeah! i am really excited about it. i hope i can focus on it and be good.
in psychology, DJ, who graduated last year, came and talked for the full goddamn hour about being a student at univeristy of georgia. i learned so much psychology, it was amazing. who knew that georgians were white and republican? not me. i'm being dicky, it was pretty interesting. but really badly timed. the rest of the day was okay. school this week has been okay, which means pretty good, considering that everything's usually unbelievably bad. so i am in a good mood.

listening to: afroman - colt 45

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

singing songs till morning comes

today psychology was a nice nap. i wish i cared. ada showed up in school halfway through our lunch. she makes me incredibly happy. she is going to come with us for senior out to lunch on friday because she's just that lame. which i love. and hopefully after school we'll hang out and watch harold and kumar. if she makes other plans i will be sad. on thursday night i think i will go to the musical review at school to watch newman be adorable.
katherine, morgan, and i had lemongrass chicken and noodle thingies at pho saigon after school. it was nice. katherine has broken her fast. my fortune cookie was brilliant. it said, "a surprise treat awaits you." in bed. i am very excited.
i definitely didn't do any work yesterday, and i was supposed to catch up this afternoon, but i have an awful headache so i think i'll take a nap. woops!

listening to: cowboy junkies - blue guitar

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

living out of a box

today we want back to school. the first two classes were so fucking long. i don't know why i'm still alive after that bullshit. but english was nice because ms. wyatt brought us tea, and we might possibly be starting something interesting in psychology. of course, this is no cause for me to be doing any of my homework right now. instead i have piddled around all day. i had an oreo sonic blast, went to therapy, took a shower, bumbled. the usual. i guess i should go do something. and finish my college applications one day. why do all my posts read like this? everyone should go see the life aquatic because it's amazing. and has great music. i have a heart-shaped hole in my thumb.

listening to: liz phair - johnny sunshine

Monday, January 03, 2005

i'm a computer

taking a break from college applications, i remembered my true and undying love for these babies. thank god for cheap humor and the internet.

Saturday, January 01, 2005

i want this to read like a letter

we got home a few hours ago. i opened the blogger window and stared blankly. now here i am again attempting to speak.
jackson was nice and awkward as usual, but it only lasted 1.3 days. alma, georgia and its inhabitants are the same as ever, too, but i had a better time than i usually do. i wonder why that is. i've decided i'm exaggerating. at least it leaves me with a nice memory. you can see pictures by my cousin rachel, morgan, and i at this location shortly.
i hope all you babies are having a great break.

listening to: weeping tile - in the road