Sunday, August 31, 2003

i just talked to brock on the phone while lying on the windowsill again. it was very nice. supposedly i looked "different" last night when we were hanging out, but who knows.
becca and laylee are supposed to come over at some point today, but who knows.
tomorrow is the tori amos/ben folds concert in atlanta. elise is going in place of my mom, who decided she can't miss anymore work. i don't know how excited elise is about the show, but it would be really hard to find someone else to go this last minute. i think she's worried about getting back to school on time, too. but the show should be lovely. i can't wait to come to school completely drained on tuesday. woowoo.

listening to: audra + the antidote - the highschool song
i truly need to marry frank black. i bought his cd last night. speaking of, last night/yesterday post-school was absolutely beautiful. school itself was pretty shit, and i was not in the best mood. they changed my schedule. not too drastically, but now i have study hall in 4th period and jennings in 7th, which i do NOT like at all. that means that i have to think after history. i loved having c lunch and then only one class after that. so i'm depressed now. AND becca doesn't have lunch with me, brock, katherine d, and sallis anymore. they fucked up her whole schedule but couldn't manage to slip her into any of my classes. it's way too depressing to think about.
obviously i had a not-great day, except for that the mystery girl was my lab partner and that was very nice. i pretended to know what i was doing. i think i must come off to her as much more confident and way smarter than i am. i've been doing really well on the worksheets in there, and she... has not. oh well, she still talks to me for lack of other things to do. i want to talk to her about music but i don't know how to bring it up. oh well maybe i'll randomly make her a mix.
allison and i both made 75s on the angela's ashes test. allison's theory is that ms. wexler hates blacks and punks. we'll never win. however, i made a 93 on the grapes of wrath test. (wexler couldn't weasel her way out of that one -- it was scantron.) i think my algae test went okay, also. i'm doing pretty good in there so far. i need to shut up about school now before i die.
so after school i was left all alone in our normal spot for like 15 minutes in the rain. it was really depressing as well. i remembered that allison had told me about everyone going to el mezcal, by davis-kidd, after school and sort of invited me only i was thinking about it as one of those "you can come if you want" kind of things that are just open to everyone and i never go. but i was sitting there alone and i realized that that was where everyone was. and i was lonely, so i got dad to take me over there. nice ole dad. so i had a nice non-lunch (not my fault that i actually FINISHED my bagel for once, at real lunch!) with allison, elizabeth, lauren henry and her sister, brock, jenny, katherine w, nisha, meg, and christie. afterwards, allison organized brock, jenny, and me into power ranges, which elizabeth filmed on her digi. then elizabeth took allison back to her home, which is in the Forest Lakes ghetto, in the middle of a forest, on an otter, in a lake. quite snazzy. then she was going to take everyone else home, but we were like "let's doo something!" only brock had told his mom that we were going to be at my house, so she took us there. i thought that she was then going to leave with jenny, but no! it was happy and everyone came into our hell hole house and had a partay. we looked at the old 6th grade grahamwood yearbook and watched some movie things and had something of a BRA meeting (too bad katherine d wasnt there). jenny's mom and brother ross came to get her, and we showed them some film stuff. she told jenny that if she didn't want to leave, she could stay longer so that was very happy and she did. at some point elise called and an hour or so later, she and robin showed up. a little while after that, jenny got hungry so we went to taco bell/starbucks to find some food. i called margaret, so she, christie, katherine w, and ronnie met up with us there. we loitered in the parking lot and it was too much fun. it felt very movie, because of the huge amount of people, and i was very hyper. brock's mom had to come get him at 9:15 because she wanted to sleep, and she refuses to go to bed until he gets home. a little while after that, christie, katherine, and margaret took ronnie home. while they were away, the rest of us walked across the street to walgreens. we hung out in the makeup aisle for a really long time and i felt out of place, so i walked over to the diapers and called laylee. she didn't pick up, though. then i walked around alone for a while and played with the dancing hamsters. eventually, christie called and told us that they were at turtle's. we walked over there which was somewhat silly, because that meant that we'd have to later walk the 10 minutes back to the car at 10pm down poplar... oh well, that's life and no one listens to moi. but only two cars honked at us, so i guess life is good. we hung out at turtle's for a bit, and i bought frank black's 'teenager of the year' which i do not regret at all. margaret got yeah yeah yeahs (YAYYY) and lucinda williams (i think). there was this GREAT little girl listening to headphones and rapping. i smiled at her but it probably freaked her out. that's life though. so christie piled everyone, minus katherine and margaret, into her car and drove us back to elizabeth's and elise's cars, where we then disolved into Midtown and East Memphis cars and went our separate ways.
the night was really great, but there were actually a lot of things that just got sort of grated my nerves. it was like that even more when i got home and got online... it's kind of hard to explain how i had such a great time and yet still gt annoyed at shit constantly. i think it had to do with the fact that there were so many people, so somebody could do something slightly annoying while 2 other people were doing something happy so i ended up mostly okay. that was basically it. the end.
i woke up at 11am today and spent all day on and off the phone with brock. (i also got to talk to becca briefly, and she is going to come record tomorrow. yayyy!) he got over here eventually, in the early evening, armed with watercolor paper and paints. brock, morgan, and i sat around watching old school 90s music videos while he messed with paints, and listened to shirley q. liquor, and ate some brownies. mom kept offering to take us somewhere, but we never thought of anything. at one point we went back to my room hoping to call someone and get out of the house for a while, but we got kind of distracted. eventually brock called margaret while i got out of my pajamas, but she didn't answer and he didn't leave a message. then we sat on my window ledge for a bit until we fell out, naked, because we were drunk, followed by our heroin junkie friends and some coppas. luckily we landed in my pool. but my glasses got damn wet. unfortunately, our heroin friends drowned and died, but brock and i managed to get back into the house. he decided that sitting on the window ledge had hurt his back anyway, so he lay on my bed and i lay on the window ledge. we talked for a long time and it was tres beautiful. it was a really nice night, and i'm very glad i got to see him. i wish he could've been here longer, but i always do. his mom came far too early, at around 9 again. i loaded him off with all his birthday gifts from last weekend, and as he was walking out the door he said "maybe i'll call your later." it was very post-sex and quite hilarious. unfortunately, he was "too tired" to do that when he got home so it didn't happen. bastard. men are all the same.

listening to: frank black - freedom rock
(did i mention how GREAT teenager of the year is? i will seriously make copies for any of you guys you want it, because it is amazing. dear god, PLEASE let me burn it for you.)

Saturday, August 30, 2003

"Announcing auditions for Our Own Voice Theatre Troupe's new play, Good Time Speech (Well Correspondence)!

Auditions will be:
2-4 PM Saturday, September 13
12-2 PM Sunday, September 14
at TheatreWorks, 2085 Monroe in Overton Square.

Many roles are available for actors and dancers of all ages and experience levels. The show will run October 31-November 9 at TheatreWorks."

this show is supposed to be a party... the more people, the better. so i am encouraging one and all to come "audition" if you can really call it that. it's just hanging out with the Our Own Voice people and seeing what it's all about. so yay. this play should be very interesting. please come, kiddies!

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

today was one of those days that when you look back on it, you could make it sound REALLY good because there were several really nice little moments. but unfortunately you didn't pay enough attention to them at the time and they didn't seem like that big of a deal. so it doesn't really add up. i was thinking about doing another list of happy momentos but i so did that a post ago. well.
i flitted all around school before homeroom this morning. i did my happy jump thingie on elise and sallis's shoulders. (to me it's happy. it probably isn't to anyone else. i've never had anyone do it to me, so i hope it isn't painful.... alack! someone tell me if it is.) i also ended my day with happy jump thingie into laylee and kevin. reading "the scarlet letter" for english has become a homeroom activity... but at least it feels like i make progress with a chapter a day ho ho ho. in chemistry, i didn't get the chance to say hey to the mystery girl until after class, but we walked along together until she split for band. there was a little bit of silent space, which i didn't MIND exactly but i hated not having something to say. i'm new with this meeting people thing. especially when i am not the more shy person. help help help me out here.
we had a fire drill in third period. that was super exciting. allison and i just stood around and she sang her theme song to her not-tv show. "THIS IS THE ALLISON FORD SHOW, YOU BITCH ASS HO!" and somebody's car alarm went off for about 40 years while we stood on the practice field. excitement out the frame. in algae, we took a word problems test. i kept that mutha for the whole period and i was probably the last person to turn it in. so i hope that i did okay. for some reason i like to do okay in math. i was sad because i didn't have my regular walk to fifth period with becca, i don't know where she was. but i saw tarah for about 2 seconds, which was really nice since i nevah evah see her. latin was hilarious as always. it was really funny when we checked homework, because meg had copied mine and she answered the first question. and ms. lafon was like "MEG YOURE A GENIUS." and she was like "i know." whahahaha. funny to me anyway.
lunch was great because allison's fifth period class took a test so they had c lunch with us. she was hilarious as always. there was much throwing of food and genius wittiness by allison and myself. we're punk as fuck, i don't know how we do it. lunch felt long today, too. before history, i danced around the classroom and sang devo. i was incredibly hyper. we did a roleplay kinda thing today with the british vs. the colonists which was funnish. i worked up my nerve to go talk to ms. ervin after school today, but it's a wednesday so she was off at faculty junt. she's very intimidating, but i like her. elizabeth turner joined study hall fun today, but mr. myers or whoever reassigned seats. sad face. elizabeth and margaret sit in the same row, a couple back from me. so we're not too far apart. sometimes the ms. reagin's theatre class is on the stage (i have no idea why) but they close the curtains. today i could hear kevin doing some skit with his big loud funny voice. ohhh that was happy. then when i went outside after school, becca, laylee, and kevin were standing in a little row. and all at once they told me that they were leaving but all at once laylee grabbed my shirt from the middle, becca kissed my left cheek, and kevin kissed my right palm. it was beautiful and every day should be so lovely. lalala in heaven.
i've concluded that i'm shrinking. or maybe brock is growing impossibly tall. but last year katherine made me feel like i was shrinking, so i don't know. brock said i probably just have very bad posture, which was so comforting you know. but i love after-school time with brock and robin and lauren henry and allison. it's just like old times. le sigh.
i got a package from brandon. 3 cds - Kaytee Bodle, Atom and his Package's A Society of People Named Elihu and Hamn's Hamn the Man!
notes-- what i listened to of kaytee is okay, i like some songs a lot more than others. it's just 18 songs that brandon downloaded and put onto a cd, because i don't think she has her own.
hamn is brandon's band. this is a five-track EP featuring only 2 songs that i recognized - "From AIDS To Caviar" and "Gothica/Hats Off To Strap-Ons"
i am so in love with atom. this is my fourth atom and his package cd. it's really good - his second album, from 1997. in some ways it's a lot more fun in just a completely goofy way, if that's possible. maybe it's just the fact that he was younger and just starting out and whatnot. so i get this cd and i go to check out atom's website. and it says that his last show EVER is in philly on friday night. i'm devestated. atom, i hardly knew thee. i hope that he starts a new career right away because i don't know if i can hold up. well i still have one more album to buy. and a couple EPs. and all the merch.

listening to: kaytee bodle - shook me off

Monday, August 25, 2003

you sick cow. you are mr. devine's stalker. you've
been abusing the restraining order, and if you
throw yourself on his cousin's car one more
time, you will be executed promptly.

What is Your Relationship With Kill Hannah?
brought to you by Quizilla

saw kill hannah on saturday night for brittany's birthday party. fucking awesome.

Saturday, August 23, 2003

this is a new layout. i don't know that i like it.


-it was brock's birthday and i gave him prezzies in his homeroom
-i learned the mystery girl's name (but i don't want to type it because i might misspell it)
-we made eye contact (i tried to smile but i dont know that it worked)
-becca came back to school
-i failed an ap english test
-i found laylee in the hall inbetween classes
-i failed a latin test
-i was uber-hyper at lunch
-i brought brock a birthday cake (marshmallow)
-wexler's fifth period had c lunch with us
-i gave margaret a happy hug in the middle of the classroom, featuring a leg lift
-i literally failed an ap history test, with a whopping 55
-margaret is now in my study hall
-i stood on the brick wall and became tall
-brock made a new song for SlalkdKiagheIagheNgdeKaeo gihAasd;RweioDeoi hgCweoigYsegSjoigeT after school
-his cousin watched us dance from her car for 15 minutes
-lauren gave smurf blowjobs
-allison beat me up
-brock came over sorta unannounced, armed with 10 balloons
-we sat around gloriously
-kevin brought laylee over, and the four of us made merry in the front yard
-kevin PICKED ME UP AND SPUN ME AROUND and i love him
-kevin let me throw grass at him and put sticks in his hair
-if laylee and i were left alone at the right temperature, we would melt together, since we fit together so perfectly already.
-brock spun around wearing my bed sheet, destroyed my room, and collapsed on the floor in a muddling mess
-we listened to chumbawumba
-margaret (with christie and katherine w waiting in the car) invaded my home, and loved it
-brock came in through the bathroom window protected by a silver spoon
-laylee wore a pretty bra, which was stolen. but she put on my doctor who shirt on top of it.
-brock donated one of his birthday balloons to margaret, which she tied to her car
-there were no seats for me so i had to ride in the Penalty Box (trunkish) and i flew across the car every time we turned a corner. i was in heaven
-margaret was playing midnite vultures by beck, which happened to be one of the cds i gave to brock earlier that day
-i got to hang out with katherine, who i don't know very well, and it was quite lovely
-i tricked laylee into kissing me (she was heading for my cheek and i turned my head. mwahahahhaaha!)
-i made brock hold hands with me for about a block because i adore his faucets
-we ate at huey's, and katherine wrote "happy birthday, brock" on the wall
-we had gang wars with the kids at the table next to us
-christie had a hissy when her food was like an hour late, and scattered onion rings across the table
-margaret, christie, and i laughed until we died
-brock's mother's credit card paid for everyone's dinners
-we sat around on somebody's stoop
-brock made flowers fall on us. it was beautiful but christie kept taking them out of my hair.
-we got to have happy post-11o'clock curfew night
-we listened to pete yorn's musicforthemorningafter on the way to margaret's house
-margaret drove us off two cliffs and it was insanely fun (especially for me in the Penalty Box) but damaged her car in the process
-we sat around margaret's room and it was like Girl Talk hilarity with christie trying to make prank calls and brock sitting in the corner reading about art
-margaret has the beautifulest, pinkest room
-i played with brock's hair while laylee tickled my back and it was heaven
-brock ended Girl Talk and we put on 'strangers with candy' dvd thing, but only got to watch one hilarious episode because
-the power flickered on and off so we watched the weather channel. there were thunderstorm warnings. it was the ghost of supastorm 2003, coming back to haunt brock's birthday a month later.
-we put up the blinds, turned off the lights, and huddled around watching the wind, rain, and lovely lightning.
-katherine wanted to have a seance, and i was all for it, but nobody else was too keen.
-christie couldn't drive to get her contact case from meg's house, because of the storm, and she couldn't very well drive me home so i was invited to spend the night at margaret's along with everyone else. however, brock's mom wouldn't let him and freaked out
-becca called laylee in a tizzy because she was home alone and horrified of the storm. laylee called her mom to come get herself and brock after the storm passed over. this wasn't a very happy thing, but at least they got to wait around for a while before galloping off into the moonrise and i got to see laylee's mother's new car.
-even though the storm passed and whatnot, i got to spend the night at margaret's and sleep in her lovely bed in her beautiful, pink room with katherine and christie
-i LOVE hugs

ALL IN ALL, it was a grand day and i hope i didn't leave anything out.
i wish that we had gone outside and danced in the rain.
"Alternative Tentacles has reported that Chicago's most prolific street singer, Wesley Willis, peacefully passed away yesterday evening in his hometown. Willis, who suffered from schizophrenia and Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia, was brought to a Chicago hospital to undergo emergency surgery at the beginning of June to supress some internal bleeding, but his health had reportedly been deteriorating since. He was 40 years old.

Wesley Willis' recordings were strikingly unique, a textbook example of what music journalist Irwin Chusid has termed "outsider music" due to its similarities to outsider and folk art. Willis began to gain national recognition for his unusual songs-- on which he was often notoriously backed only by a Casio keyboard-- that routinely paid homage to musicians whose work he appreciated. He managed to score minor hits in the early-to-mid 90s with two of these, "Alanis Morissette" and "Kurt Cobain".

Jello Biafra-- ex-Dead Kennedys mouthpiece, Alternative Tentacles founder and dear friend to Wesley-- stated in a press release today that Willis "will go down as one of the most unique songwriters and entertainment personalities in history. His music, lyrics, drawings, insight and the way he put them together are like no one else. Ever. There will never be another."

Willis recorded more than fifty full-length albums for various labels during his lifetime, the most recent of which, Full Heavy Metal Jacket, was released via the Artist Workshop label in 2001. He has also released two greatest hits CDs, with a third volume due out on Alternative Tentacles in October."

this is depressing.

Thursday, August 21, 2003

your music is breathtaking, possibly because your frontman is a genius, with or without his organs.

what saddle-creek band are you
brought to you by Quizilla

mom lost her credit card a while ago. she thought it was just lying around the house, but when she couldn't find it by monday she cancelled it. as it turns out, she'd lost it somewhere and someone spent all the money we had in the bank. like mom said, it hasn't really hit me yet that we are broke. i guess i should plan not to buy the birthday presents i owe, and donate my dollars to food or something. i don't know what to do. so i'm going to finish my vanilla coke.

listening to: heavens to betsy - paralyzed

Monday, August 18, 2003

hello all. realized after sickenly long last post that i forgot to do a little conclusion of my summer whatnot. i guess it is appropriate now, even if we have already had a week of school. *ahem.*
so my summer. it was actually very good. i didn't regret anything that i did, but i regretted not doing a few things, like working more on movies and going to the beach and gettin me sum summah lovin.
but in all seriousness. it was quite good, really. and it actually did feel relatively long. i mean, i think back and "here and now" seems like six years ago. in a lot of ways it flew by, but in a lot of ways it was very long. i still wish i could say that i did at least one interesting thing every day, but.... maybe next year. i'm not that popular yet aoighahgaopiwha where is my cult followin?! fuck get this party started! i can't think of anything else to say about my summer yet. i'm glad that i got to see laylee and becca and kevin a little bit.... i wouldve liked to see each of them a bit more though, but i guess i don't really fit in right with them. and then of course i didn't do any camps or anything, but i never do and mom always wishes that i would. everybody made me regret not doing rhodes writing camp, even though i probably would've hated it. i should've at least gone and hung out at the pool, and i am a total loser for not doing that. i wish i'd seen more of margaret and meg, and i really wish i could get to know katherine w (she hugged me three times at becca's gig! wowza!! i LOVE hugs!!!!). i had one amazing night this summer with margaret (some of the night with meg, also) but it was like.. the friday before we started school, and i wish we'd done more. i loved the fountain days, and i loved the month when laylee spent the night with me on tuesdays. i loved the supastorm. that was a joke. i hated the power being out, but i actually really enjoyed getting to talk to brock on the phone so much that week. i loved my inbox full of brock emails. i loved everybody getting blogs. i loved helping people with their damn blogs. i am so in love with how DOY has flourished, and i'm so proud of the progress everybody on there has made, and of all the new members, and just everything about everything. this list could probably go on for 30 years, and it probably will. i think i'll add some more later.
today was incredibly hot. the high was 108 fucking degrees. and we still sat outside at lunch. hot damn. literal.
the day mostly went by pretty quickly. i got a few chances to talk to becca, which i loved. i love holding her beautiful hand on the way to fifth period. today elise was going the same direction as us, which is funny because we'd never walked with her before. in chemistry, i didn't say hi to the mystery girl... i'm ashamed of myself. she snuck into her seat while i was getting something out of my backpack, and then i didn't really make an effort to say hi after class. but neither did she... sigh. maybe it just wasn't meant to be. OF COURSE IT WAS MEANT TO BE. SHE KNOWS MY NAME AIOPHWGEPOGHWE. I WILL TALK TO HER TOMORROW. maybe.
i hate ap u.s. and i want to kill it with a stick. i really like the teacher though. i have no idea. i don't really know what's going to happen. i mean, i'm stuck in the class so. we'll see.
i had my second session of therapy today. i was like half an hour late but we still talked for almost an hour. i hadn't done my "assignments" so i have been assigned them again. it was kind of nice talking to her, but i still feel a little silly. i don't know what else to say right now. i have a headache. i don't think i'm so sick anymore. ah well.

listening to: mutant space bats of doom - operation instruction

Saturday, August 16, 2003

i feel like theres a lot to say since it's been a while since my last post... well i got all my summer work done hahaa. school has started and it's pretty crappy. i don't have classes with half the people i wish i did. there's no one in my classes that i'd like to get to know, except for the mystery girl in chemistry. i've noticed her from afar for 2 years and now she's in a class of mine. all week noticed her sitting the next row to the right, a few desk back, and straight on till morning. on friday we had class in the lab, and i had forgotten so i accidentally went to the normal classroom. i'd turned around and was heading into the main building when this beautiful fragile tinkling voice said "alanna?" and i turned around and it was her. she knows my NAME. she SAID my name. she APPROACHED ME. she asked where class was, and she followed me a few steps and then we walked side by side, and then i followed her. she asked if i wanted to be partners in lab, but coach brooks separated us. scowl. ANYWAY that was about the only eventful thing that happened this week. oh i should type my schedule yay.

homeroom - owens (used to be with brock but they moved him. tears.)
2nd - chemistry - brooks (mystery girl)
3rd - AP english - wexler (allison)
4th - algebra 2 - jennings (i don't really talk to anyone, but channa and hannah mcgowin are in there)
5th - latin 3 - lafon (everyone on earth that ever took latin, but i just talk to meg)
c lunch with brock, becca, katherine d, and sallis
6th - AP u.s. history - ervin (margaret, elise)
7th - study hall (nobody is in here, which is probably good because i get a lot done. margaret might end up there though if she drops marketing)

not very great schedule. ah well. i'm glad to have study hall as my last class though. but it's SO weird because i only have 1 class after lunch. last year i had 2 and a half. it's just very different. i'm really upset that i don't see laylee at ALL in the day unless i go find her before homeroom, and she doesn't get to school that early. there's so many people that i wish i saw more... i'm afraid (like alice, i discovered) that not having classes with people will distant us.
after the first day (a half day of classes) elise, brock, becca, sallis, and i had lunch at sonic. sallis had to leave, but the rest of us went to becca's house and listened to her 4-track recording of her song "hair" over and over. we ended up deciding to make a music video for it (YAYYYY) and i'm very excited. then we had some normal Week activities. thennn on thursday, becca and brock came over after school. we messed around with ideas for the "hair" video and decided on an effect that like. it was something i had been messing with the day before... kind of choppy and sped up. i'll put up a clip soon. also, becca recorded her two newest songs onto my computer, and even i am amazed out how well the quality turned out. so it was a LOVELY afternoon. brock had to be picked up at 7:30 so that he could finish his homework, but elise soon picked up becca, morgan, and i for open-mic. she was somewhat put out that she hadn't been invited to the afternoon, but it was just something becca and i planned that brock ended up coming along to. it wasn't like the whole world minus elise was there, anyway. but open-mic was very nice. i got to see laylee, but she was sick. becca played three songs, and elise read three poems. a very damn nice night. it was late when i got home so i fell asleep before i finished my history reading, but fuck it. i really want out of that class, but i don't think mom is going to let me. oh well. anyway.
on friday, morgan woke up at 5am to go to the hospital for her appendectomy... FINALLY! after school, sarah picked me up and brock tagged along to my house. i got brandon's "37 songs to boink to" mix, and brock and i listened to some of it while we ate ice cream. then we watched the footage for "hair" the way it is supposed to look (sped up) and ran around the house. dad took us to visit morgan in the hospital briefly, then we went to becca's to get jerry so that he could charge before the gig. then brock and i danced madly to spice girls, and i was surprised/ashamed at how many words i remember. we went and ate at sonic, which is always brilliant. eventually elise picked us up. i had accidentally forgotten jerry (i am brilliant) so sallis took me back home to get him. what a dear. by the time we got back, java was more crowded than i have ever seen it. it was really amazing. i'm lucky i found a couch to sit on, because there were quite a few people sitting on the floor and QUITE a few more standing. it was amazing. morgan played first, at 9, and i liked what he did. first he read one of his poems that i've head before a few times... sometimes i can't remember what i've heard because they're kind of repetetive. but he played on the keyboard and sang, which i actually really enjoyed. maybe i just liked the echo effect and being in a trance in laylee's lap while she tickled my back. but it made me happy. i don't know. so then BECCA played and she was amazing. she played 10 songs, which i filmed, and have now made into mp3s on my beautiful computer. the show went so well though... i'm glad that she could still be comfortable and everything, even with so many people. i got annoyed when people would talk. but she held more people's attention than a lot of java's acts do. not that they aren't all amazing in their own right, but people just generally come to hang out and drink coffee, you know? i think everyone there was there to see becca, and if they had just gone to hang out, i'm sure they didn't just sit around and talk amongst themselves. i didn't realize this until late last night, but the crowd had kind of dissipated by the end of the show. not that becca cleared the room or anything, but it was something of a late show and people had to go home. robin and the kids she was with left early, along with becca's friends margaret and leslie, and sunny's group. but i'm really glad that so many people showed up... i'm surprised more people from open-mic (amber, michael, anybody) weren't there. but yes it went very very very well. i'm glad that i filmed (thanks again to sallis) because i have been doing literally nothing other than listening to the damn songs over and over. this is getting sad.
anyway today is laylee's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LAYLEEPOO! HOW I LOVE YOU! WEEEOOOO!!! i really hope i get to see her.... becca is planning her afternoon, and kevin is planning her evening. so between them i don't really think that i come into the picture hahah. tonight is also the mutant spacebats of doom gig ("prom night") to which i am zoë's date. hallelujah. or something appropriate. so i'm looking forward to becoming bill baker's daughter for the night. yes indeed. i wish that you didn't need a parent to get in, that just complicates life. oh well. i'm looking forward to it, but there's no way it can upstage becca's performance last night. i'm positive that friday will be the highlight of my weekend already.

listening to: becca bobango - the still

Sunday, August 10, 2003

me and brock's results on the quizzes that robin and acacia made:

pinto. you are a bean, not a nut. what were you
thinking taking this quiz, you gassy bastard.

What Kind of Nut are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

man's man
Your aroma is MAN DEODORANT. You wear tshirts with
the sleeves cut off, exposing un-shaven armpits
(and probably clumps of your MAN DEODORANT).
But that's okay, atleast you don't stink of
BILE. The smell most similar to yours is
HAMSTER, also a reasurring and refreshing

What Do You Smell Like?
brought to you by Quizilla

Saturday, August 09, 2003

so i'm going out some time soon. or i'm supposed to be. i feel like i spend the best part of the night waiting. it takes forever to make a plan, and then it takes even bigger forever to execute it. i've been sitting here for like an hour waiting to get picked up. i bet they found someone to take my place in the car, and no one thought to call me. bloody perfect. i need some lovin.

listening to: bikini kill - no backrub
just got back from my first session of therapy... woe is me, i am so full of angst. it wasn't particularly awful in any way, shape, or form, but you know me. i wanted to kind of filter things, and i had to focus on just trying to say everything. then she would ask me questions that i had no idea how to answer, so my "assignment" is to write down some certain things to talk about. so, yes, i am going to go back. i don't know how long i'll keep it up, though. i actually found myself wanting to say more, really irrelevant things. just about stuff that i don't really SAY to people, because it's just that irrelevant. i told her that i write, and maintain websites, and make movies. i'm really bad about talking sometimes. i guess i was nervous. but if anyone has lovely therapy advice to give me, i would be glad to have some. that's all for right now. i really need to finish my school work. i'm so ashamed of myself.

listening to: the kills - black rooster
i had a really nice night, which was surprising. brock and laylee were busy, and i hadn't talked to anyone else about doing stuff. mom got home from work, and after a while we went out to eat at cafe 1912. i had ham and *cheese* crepes, and mom had an oyster po-boy. it was nice. i actually ENJOYED eating out, for once. we sat outside, and the flies were annoying but the breeze was pleasant. afterwards, we rented some movies at black lodge. when we got back home, we put on "money or nothing" with john cusack which was not as funny as it was made out to be. that always happens when we rent damn movies. at 10, i got a call from MARGARET! she wanted to come and pick me up, and surprisingly, mom let me out. so meg and margaret came and got me. meg was hungry so we were going to stop by mcdonald's until i spotted some punk asses outside ihop, so we headed over there instead. we asked to be seated by them, but we were WAY too close so we moved into a booth behind a soundproof wall. i love people-watching with meg and margaret. it was too great for words. the punk/goth kids were great, and there were two transgender kids among them. one of them looked really out of place in his/her pink sweater, among all the black... meg had to be home by 11, so margaret took her back to my house to get her car. then margaret and i drove downtown. we walked around for a few minutes, but ended up back in the car driving and driving. she took me home around 11:45 (luckily, my mom was asleep so i didn't get in trouble with i came in a bit late) but i sat in the driveway and talked to her extra. i LOVE talking to her. i have great car chat with margaret, and i love more than anything to make her laugh. margaret's laugh is beautiful, and i always feel really really good when she laughs at something i say and knowing that i can make someone sound so happy. she makes me feel like a decent person, and she makes me want to tell her everything about my life. thank god for margaret. we better have english together.

listening to: the porch ghouls - tragic ground

Friday, August 08, 2003

well it's been a few days since i made a real post. i feel guilty. sorry, for all you faithful readers who don't exist. no, really i just decided to post because i JUST FINISHED THE GRAPES OF FUCKING WRATH (and it was terrible) and now i'm avoiding the assignment. ah well. that's life, for you. no actually that's ME for you, but what can you do? and i tried to print out the grapes of wrath assignment (i lost my copy, and laylee had to type it up for me) and the damn priner jammed. how perfect. so i'm waiting for mom to come fix it.
anyway..... last night we skipped open-mic and instead, elise brought brock and robin over to color some more on morgan's video. when brock finished painting the skirts and elise was sick and tired of watching us do things, robin was hungry so we walked over to sonic. we watched two moths fucking on the menu sign. it was a really nice night, but they left at 10 because robin had to be home. it ended far too early. but i got to drink my chocolate milkshake back at home. i wrote the shittiest poem i've written in my whole life. it was so bad i haven't been able to bring myself to read over it at all. but once the server gets back up, it will be available for torture on DOY. unless i decide it's too terrible for anyone else's eyes.
this morning, morgan and dad left for a comic con in chicago. morgan is super loud and woke me up at 7:30 in the morning. luckily i got back to sleep after she stopped clattering around the bathroom. i hope she's having a glorious time with our silly little man. they're going to meet sean astin. (i'm link crazy today. pluggin like a muthafucka. woohoo!) anyway. it's really funny how many people have blogs. blog o' mine, you are tried and true. you are the real deal. you have seen one too many layout changes. you have seen different servers, and different readers, and all kinds of nice things. sigh. how i love thee. kinda.
so i'm going to go see if anybody has posted on my regs... brock, becca, christie... ted actually hasn't posted in a while, i'm very disappointed. i'm starting to think he's moved from the location i keep looking for him in.
i really want to do something tonight. i want to do things before school starts sob. somebody call me.

listening to: belle and sebastian - family tree

Wednesday, August 06, 2003

"your brain is ass."


Sunday, August 03, 2003

if i die listening to pixies... i'll be okay. there is no one as amazing. no one no one no one no one no one.

give me help, give it hell. you can...
levitate me
then take off them rings, off them hose
levitate me
higher place
levitate me
if all in all is true
if all in all is true
if all in all is true
if all is true..
won't you please run over me?
shaky shake... shake it!
levitate me
come on pilgram, you know he loves you
levitate me
higher place
they kick your baby?!
if all in all is true
if all in all is true
if all in all is true
if all is true...
won't you please run over me?

listening to: pixies - levitate me
well i had a lovely day! i sat around a lot, and avoided the wrath. i can't really remember what i did that took up the whole day. oh i guess that's because mom woke me up at 12, and katherine came over around 4. (i totally made up that time. it was some time this afternoon.) ANYWAY. she has a GREAT haircut. it's very very cute, so it suits her. brock called about 5:30, which made me incredibly happy, as he had just gotten back in town. weee!!!! so we finished eating, and took morgan over to foot's house, and then picked up brock around 6:30. he was wearing the hamster shirt and he was beautiful. so at home, we sat around and editted/watched film thingies and talked and looked at blogs and listened to some songs and had a lovely time. brock got picked up around 10:30. katherine and i imported ALL the footage we have to work with for her "much finer" video. i'm really excited about it again now. i hope she can come back over tomorrow (today, by now) and work on it. this isn't like "untouchable face" where elise told me what she wanted, we gathered a bunch of footage, and i locked myself away and editted it all together. either, katherine needs to be here to tell me what to do, or she needs to edit it herself. the only thing i am comfortable with doing is clearing away some of the really obvious trash footage, to make things simpler. but it's going to be a GREAT video. i hope we get some things finished, so that we have more than 2 music videos in the film festival, especially with us being featured filmmakers. i'm still nervous about whatever we're supposed to do for our workshop thingie... i'll just get katherine to go talk. she is nice at talking. anyway she got picked up around 12. i just had a great conversation with zoë, and things are really nice right now. (except for when i think about school. socially i will be excited to see some kids, but i haven't done enough of my summer work at ALL. i'm going to kill myself this year.)

listening to: the dismemberment plan - you are invited

Saturday, August 02, 2003

so i'm not as lonely tonight as i was last night. part of it is knowing that i'm not the only one who is lonely. (thank you, brock. i love it that i'm not the only one. wahaha is that evil?) i started a post earlier today but it has disappeared.... oh yeah, i'm home now. elise came to visit me for a few minutes on wednesday night when we got back, because she left the next day for new orleans to visit brandon for a few days. i hadn't seen her since last monday (psuedo sonic poetry night) and then of course the day after that, the power went out. and yes, my power is back now. some kids i know still don't have theirs, though, which is just AWFUL. i think zoë got hers back only this afternoon, am i right? it's a crime. but let's see. yesterday was thursday... i went to a sale at lost in paradise with my mom, where she bought me a skirt. she literally forced me to try on a lot of things, including short (well, to me they were short) skirts and girly shirts and a DRESS. it was weird and i felt girly, in the imposter sense. i make for the shittiest girl ever. it's disgusting. so after we left there, mom wanted to go to the junior league and look for uniforms for school. she said she'd drop me at home, but she FORGOT. eck. anyway, the junior league has closed forever, which is a shame. i liked it there. so instead she took me to tjmaxx to buy a *BRA* and it was the worst thing in my life. i don't even know what fucking size i wear, and i was supposed to sift through miles and miles of lacy undergarmets and know what i'm doing. (i told you i make the shittiest girl alive.) it was horrifying. i basically just stood there. so mom was like "IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LOOK, WE'RE LEAVING!" and i was terrified so i said "okay" and then we left that aisle, but unfortunately did not leave the store. oh well. anyway. soooo we got home and i got to page 150 in grapes of wrath, and right as i did, LAYLEEEEEE came!! it was marvelous. she's beautiful, and makes me way happy. then dad took us to open-mic. it was pretty empty... just us and zoë. (brock is very much out of town. did i mention it? well, he is. but he emails me LOTS so it's okay.) morgan and paul were there as well. yay! the five of us escaped outside when tilden got to read. paul was cutting his own hair (in random snippets) but he couldn't reach the back, so he let me do it. it was VERY exciting and i stole some hair off the sidewalk. it's now forever going to be spread around in my purse-thing.. it was stuck on laylee's phone too ahhaah. sigh..... i cut a lilla bit of my own hairs, and it was incredibly fun. i should do it every day. anyway, amber and will also came. amber's improv was nice this week too. there was a table of kids i'd never seen before. they didn't read, but they were definitely there specifically for the poetry. they left before morgan read, though zoë and i tried to stop them. stephen showed up for a few minutes. then william and becca showed up at the very end, just to give paul a cd and talk to layleekins. but becca played with my hand while morgan read, and hugged me a lot lot lot, and it was beautiful just like she is, and the night was nice overall. laylee came back to my house afterwards but had to call her mom to come get her right away. LUCKILY, we had a few minutes to talk before she got there. i love to talk to laylee...... she's my favorite thing in the world.
today i didn't do much of anything. i watched fight club again, but i have already rambled to brock about that and i am not really prepared to do it again. i think i liked it better the first time, but this time i was paying way more attention to the cinematography because i knew the story already. and it's a really really really well done fillum. i love that part of it. and i love edward norton. *cue the music*
edward is the man!
i am a norton fan!
.... FUCK! ... ME! ...... NORTON!!!!!
when he comes a'courtin,
edward is my norton!
.... EDWARD! ... NORTON! ..... FAN!!!!!!

listening to: changing names - unsatisfied

Friday, August 01, 2003

i feel kind of weird and lonely right now. as ridiculously cliche and wretchedly stupid as it sounds, i just want to be held. i don't really have anything to say. i feel really shitty though, and i wish i was in love.

listening to: wilco - how to fight loneliness