satan sucks, but you're the best

well it sure has been a while. i don't really know what to say though. last week was pretty average. i got a note every single day (and this week too, so far) for not wearing the uniform. i am literally going to start a collection, put them on the wall in frames or something. last weekend was the first annual memphis digital film festival, which, as you should know, katherine submitted our short movie "romeo and juliet revisited" to. it was received fairly well, i thought. better than i had expected, what with it being shown to the indie artsy underground crowd. in fact, it was reshown on sunday as a Notable Film so that was very exciting. katherine had been giving out flyers at school for two weeks, but only melissa tuttle, alice buchanan, and elise(!) came, besides the cast (katherine, brittany, morgan, and i) and laylee. plus my parents and katherine's dad. and katherine's friend leah and her folks. but that's beside the point. real life quotes from living, breathing indie artsy types:
"...one of the biggest accomplishments of the festival." - morgan fox
"you guys kicked everybody's ass." - khyber daniel

and i can't really remember anything else but a lot of people came up and said how entertaining it was or something, and how cool or whatever. so brittany came over to my house on friday night to discover a banner that said "HAPPY DAY DAY" in purple. it was supposed to say just "happy day" because it was supposed to be a belated birthday banner. and we also had a cake for her and morgan gave her a cd by the peechees as a present (my parent's later gave her a film festival shirt). kevin and elise and robin were there and we all went to sonic and stayed there for a while and freaked some people out by being loud when kevin's window and little moon roof or whatever it's called were open. and they had my dig me out sleater-kinney cd in the car so that was awesome. laylee was supposed to join us but she had a family dinner and by the time she called and stuff she said she could get dropped off wherever we were, but she couldnt get a ride home and since the car was full, the plans didnt work out. it was quite sad. we went to black lodge and walked around cooper-young, as usual. brittany spent the night at my house. we watched rat race. the next day was the film festival, which i've already discussed in part. aside from our movie, we saw several other shorts (some of them were ok) linley's husband's movie, normal to oily which was ok, and one of the worst movies i have ever seen, called voices from the high school which was the most excruciating 72 minutes i have ever spent outside of school. it was an elongated version of one of this shitty movies they play in health class to talk about teen problems and suicide and sex and drugs and abuse. it was wretched. we literally ran out after that but we should have probably stayed for the next one, or at least to hear the man talk about the movie and let him ask us if we liked it and be able to say "TERRIBLE, EVIL MAN. DON'T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB." and anyway the next movie had something to do with this band called lucero that i know meg likes. (they're local.) we all came home and i gave laylee her birthday present (in part. i didn't have a chance to burn any cds for her yet and i still feel terrible that i couldn't find any cds she wanted.) we ate pizza and watched this punk music documentary. there was a segment about how much reggae influenced punk, but they went on and on about reggae itself and it lasted way too long. i felt kind of cheated. but there was some really great patti smith stuff and sex pistols footage. and i liked hearing the ramones talk and listening to their outrageous accents. we went to this "party" at the hi-tone, which you got into free if you had a pass for the film festival. it was not a party at all. just some free food on a table, really loud boring music, and ... pool. so we left after what felt like 10 seconds but dad's car clock said 45 minutes. it was creepy. then laylee and brittany and i were joking about how we should make a video about the White Station Hardcore Club and we "moshed" with ourselves and brittany damaged my tooth. back at home, laylee's mom came and took her away and brittany and i stayed up for like three or four hours longer than we meant to, talking. morgan's friend sara also spent the night. on sunday brittany slept incredibly late and practically right after she woke up, katherine called us and told us about our movie getting replayed. so we all went to that "did a Q&A" afterwards. the family left but katherine, brittany, and i stayed to watch the rest of the movies. this week has been boring. the end.

ted link likes my bikini kill shirt.

she didn't leave until the last flame died

yesterday mom and i went to maggie's pharm. then dad and i went to legba records and last chance records. i am in love with all three of those places. i am in love with midtown. forever. maggie's pharm has candles and incense and smelly stuff and earrings and greeting cards and all these things. legba records is pretty small, it didn't take long to go through all their cds. they have a bigger vinyl selection. apparently, the guy who runs the store (who IS the staff) was acknowledged by the white stripes before a concert they did. wow. he saw me eyeing this signed promotional sleater-kinney poster on the wall and told me that he'd gotten the new album in just that day. and he sold it to me early!! it doesn't come out until tuesday! i also got the first sleater-kinney album, which i had never seen until yesterday and it was really cheap too, for a new cd. the nice man also gave me a FREE. SIGNED. SLEATER-KINNEY POSTER, which i am going to get framed, i swear to god. i also picked up a couple other free posters. (mary timony, yeah yeah yeahs, mecca normal, and something for laylee.) then we went to last chance records which was just this little room literally CRAMMED with stuff. much more unorganized than legba. they had a huge vinyl section too, but many more cds. they also had a bunch of different sections, including a seperate 'punk' section. the first thing that caught my eye was the brand new bonfire madigan 88 ep which you can only get online. so i had to buy it of course but it was too expensive, for just five songs. then i started looking for a cd for laylee's birthday (because turtle's had sold what i wanted to get her.) during that, i accidentally found back to go by the third sex and the need's first album. i have literally never seen those and i just had to get them. of course, now i am eternally in debt to my father because i also got one more gift cd. if you are laylee you should probably not read this, but i couldn't find ANYTHING that you want. i am hoping that you have gotten them already or at least some money to buy those cds with. i'm sorry. i could have gone to another store to get one of those but 1. i had already spent all my money and more 2. i already had a gift. and i'm going to burn you all these things that i got. the woman behind the counter at last chance was awesome. she told me that she has both of the need's albums, and that she listens to the other one more. she told me that she was going to order that one too so that i could come buy it. or somebody could. she also said she'd order team dresch but i told her i had both those albums, so i don't know if she's still planning to do that. when i got home i called brittany but her mom said that she was in town (meaning memphis) with her dad at some karate thing. that made me mad because if she'd called before she left, we could have done something and she could have spent the night. she got back home like five minutes later and called me back. her parents didnt want to drive her back in, and my parents didnt either. so i don't get to give her the rest of her present (i already gave her signed books over the summer) and i don't get to see laylee at all. anyway later last night i went to kevin's house (morgan actually came too). him, his friend eddie, elise, lauren, morgan, and i watched monty python and the holy grail and pulp fiction. it was an ... interesting double feature. i'd seen pulp fiction once and monty python about a million billion times. it was nice getting to see kevin, elise, and lauren again and eating all of kevin's chex mix. today i listened to a cd by the dead milkmen that heather hyden loaned me and i really like it. it's their Best Of cd, but it's incredibly short! (less than a half hour.) and that is remotely annoying no matter how much i like it.

maybe it's a trick of the lightlast night kevin, elise, robin, and lauren picked me up around 7 and we met elise's friend hank on the corner of cooper and young. we walked to black lodge and stayed there until 10. unless i misunderstood what hank said, he is a dirty liar and i hate him. (i THINK he told me that he was in the play ephemera. my sister and dad were. he was not.) it was mostly good times. a few times i kind of just sat there and stared blankly at the walls. they were showing this AWFUL video called "backyard fight clubs" were rednecks beat each other up. it sucked, but hank kept making stupid comments about how amateur people were or whatever. how fake it was. kevin is very nice, which i obviously knew already but he sat with me for part of the time. he wrote "MAB!" and my name in japanese on my arms, sang in japanese, and created my theme song, which we decided should play on a tape recorder in my pocket every time i walk into a room. elise, robin, and lauren got to talk to joe a good deal, while he sat with them on the couch. meanwhile, kevin and hank talked to this guy trying to sell his ticket to burning man and i just sat there and listened. as usual. we met a regular named eric who does the best ozzy osbourne impression i have ever heard.

the ship is sinking

one of the things about uniforms that's good and bad at the same time is that i feel like people are proving themselves. now i can see who is REALLY who. so i guess uniforms kind of are an equalizer.
my discovery:
everyone is either a shithead or theyre scared.
one thing that is really depressing, for me, is that all these people who are supposed to be the "punks" and all this are wearing the uniform. now i know punk and i know that punks would not stand for that. so all these people that i knew were punk poseurs and people that i thought might be cool and some punk kinda people that still might be cool are not even who i thought they were. as a punk poseur, i thought that hunter thompson would absolutely refuse to wear the uniform and go around with his hair dyed purple or something, but it's the same gross bleach blond. and then people like ted link that i KNOW have GOT to be remotely awesome are wearing the fucking uniform, even if they are wearing ties along with it. everybody that i thought was against conforming and all this. jesus. it just kills me. how can they live with themselves?! going around listening to rancid and the dead kennedys and operation ivy and the bouncing souls and all this and not even being able to rebel against a uniform. well if the uniform thing ever does pass over, i sure don't want to see another "rebel" shirt ever again.

happy birthday, laylee. this post was not meant to offend you of all people, damn it.

rain falls on everyone

i just realized that i haven't even talked about school yet. so uh. let's see. monday was the first day - a half day. it was sick. everyone, as in EVERYONE that i laid my eyes on, was wearing uniforms. if you don't know, uniforms consist of white, grey, or dark green collared, button-down, tucked-in polo shirts and black, khaki, or navy "slacks" with belts for guys. for more details go here. and also, if you don't know, my friends and i have been complaining and protesting uniforms since they day the board voted. and for your information, i am the only person i know who is not wearing them. yes. i guess i have turned into a rebel. the first day, i wore jeans and my sleater-kinney shirt. a girl standing with madison young told me that she liked my shirt, but i don't know if she actually likes s-k or if she just liked the fact that i wasn't wearing the uniform. no random people have said anything about it except for a guy who just read my shirt out loud as i passed by on the second day ("the dishes.") and i have no idea what that statement was supposed to do. some people that i talk to ask him why i'm not wearing it ("why should i?! i don't want to") or how i'm not wearing it ("i just didn't wear it.") or if i've got exempt ("uhh... not yet.") and i think the main reason none of my teachers have said anything yet is because it isn't going to be enforced until september 3, according to the newspaper and the board. actually, my homeroom teacher mr. starron, on the first day, said to me while giving me my schedule, "you know that's not uniform." and i told him that i knew. then during his lovely Beginning Of The Year speech, he said (OBVIOUSLY directed at me) that he would not tolerate students not wearing the uniform and that he wouldn't let us in class if we weren't wearing it. so when i was leaving class, he stopped me and said "make sure you wear the uniform tomorrow." and i told him that i didn't believe in it. i'm very proud of myself for that. i think the thing with me not wearing the uniform makes me somewhat braver because i'm openly me ALL the time and people can see it. and i can't get away with being shy or anything because i'm sticking out like a sore thumb. and it's what they expect of me now, too. like they used to expect me to be so quiet and good and whatever and now i'm like. a juvenile delinquent. aside from s-k and the dishes, i've worn my ani difranco shirt and this black polo i bought to be ironic, but i don't think anyone got it. they just thought i forgot that we couldnt wear black or something. katherine asked me if i was caving in. so much for sarcasm. my geography teacher finally realized today that i wasn't wearing the uniform and i thought it was funny because today i was wearing the most blendie shirt.
browning: are we not wearing the uniform today?
me: no
browning: are we ever going to wear it?
me: no
browning: why not?
me: i don't believe in it and my parents don't believe in it.
and i couldn't tell if she was getting at something or if she hates me now or anything because she was just smiling away the whole time.
it's very nice because i can actually look forward to seeing some people at school. i have faces to look for in the halls and people to sit with at lunch. people that i actually LIKE and i'm really looking forward to getting to know them really well. another thing too is that a lot of these people seem very music-oriented so i can't wait to slap them with my tastes and borrow some CDs. in fact, last night i burned both albums by the pixies for both meg and brock. i have no idea how they will handle it, but brock said he likes to listen to things he's never heard of and i know that meg has heard bands she likes mention the pixies because everyone loves them. including me. don't know about you, but i am un chien andalusia.

Homeroom - Starron - 25 - with crappy people and a mean teacher
Unified Geometry Honors - Underwood - 224 - with nobody that i really know. becca foerhing
Pre-AP English - Douglas - 034 - katherine dohan, margaret graves
Geography Honors - Browning - 35 - nobody really. amanda trenshaw
Latin II Honors - Haughton - 11 - meg kerr, nina verevkina, ima paydar, melissa tuttle, dan ying liu, jenny luo, frankie blalock, hunter thompson
Etymology - Blankinship - 14 - meg, melissa, frankie
Biology Honors - Tate - 226 - heather hyden

tightrope and so on the wanting edge"There is no justice in a world where the Strokes are so highly feted, yet the Gossip are virtually unheard of." i just got that from somebody's grrrl punk listmania list on amazon. i've decided to start saying that constantly, replacing band names where appropiate. but the part about the strokes is what's so great so i probably won't have to change that bit. anyway thats going to be my new response to "WHO?"

school kills.

Nabikichan086: if i were a childrens book author, i would be high
Nabikichan086: allll the time

Nabikichan086: "lana's funny" (kevin) "she reminds me of a little elf" (me) "a little elf! that's a wonderful thing to say about lana!" (kevin)

aLittleStarlight: how was school today
aLittleStarlight: did you see morgan
PINKDIMND: a little
PINKDIMND: once going from like 5th to 6th or somethign
aLittleStarlight: did she say anything about band
PINKDIMND: no
PINKDIMND: she didnt talk much
PINKDIMND: just said SARA!
PINKDIMND: and then the mob washed her away
aLittleStarlight: nooooooo
aLittleStarlight: WOOSH went morgan
aLittleStarlight: there she blows
aLittleStarlight: and she never came home again
PINKDIMND: horribel aint it?

I am trying to imagine them as they were
It is a hard thing to resee 2,000 people
It is a hard thing to explain colors to black & white
Even the ones I respected
have turned out to be lemmings
I knew I was alone
but not this alone
Everyone claimed to be upset
But there they are
In khaki
I am shivering in my blue
The cold makes my veins more distinct
Will they punish me for that too?
Will they arrest my goosebumps?
The longer I am here
The more I want to
Scream
The windows are the only things smiling
I am no different from you
Stand up

school starts tomorrow. can you guess how excited i am? hooray. go spartans.
it seems i will be the only one un-uniformed.

sappho is my god.

newrob0t: billy bought every pete and pete episode off of ebay
newrob0t: for 60 dollars exactly

To: koolsilver@yahoo.com
From: blackout@darkalabama.com
Subject: Re: blackout

Sorry... No go. If it were my club, it wouldn't be a problem, but the owners of Vinyl are a bunch of tight wads.

Sorry. :/

- Jon
DJ naught

hey sweet lady. where's your tricks tonight?

last night sara spent the night with morgan. she ripped my shirt. i should get a picture. it is very ripped. this evening, we were going to have another kevin-elise-robin-laylee-lana night, but laylee and robin were stuck at home reading their required summer books. i should probably do that. i am nowhere near finished. so instead we had kevin-elise-brock-morgan-lana night. i think morgan LOVED hanging out with my friends. it was also really nice to see brock, since i've only met him once (sort of) and talked to him online a few times. i filmed some things, so a still or two maybe? we walked around cooper-young again (and found out that java cabana is closed on monday nights! or is it monday altogether? but if that were true, there wouldnt be anybody working there to tell us. and the woman who told us had been in experimental movement with morgan!) so we walked around. we looked in the house of mews. we spent a good long while at black lodge. most likely being loud and destroying everyone. we met a couple new workers there. elise told joe she loved him and he said, yet again, that he loved us too. (again, poor kevin!) i think joe was wearing the same damn thing, too. as if he'd been there for a full week. or maybe he only has seven outfits and that was his monday one. who knows. hm. after that we.. walked around more. then we drove to sonic and i just got a root beer. there was a beautiful moment when we were flipping around the radio and it was "sunny came home" and we were all singing. glorious. also i tried to sing "hey" by the pixies for them, but i think the parts about the whores made them (at least brock, maybe) uncomfortable and then kevin's face made me start laughing. it always does. when i'm doing things like that, i'll be doing fine and i'll look at him and he's just like, about to crack up. so i have to crack up. and i had gotten right to "where have you--" and then i laughed. gracious. so uh. morgan said the peak of the evening was sonic. then kevin took us home. it was a nice night. brittany is supposed to spend the night tomorrow. we have a lot a lot a lot planned!!! watch us go!
:::future brit and lana:::
brit: what do you wanna do
lana: i dont know. what do YOU wanna do
brit: i dont know.
:::etc etc etc:::
we were supposed to hang out with kevin and elise tomorrow night, but elise forgot that theyre going to see west side story with her family. too bad though. tomorrow is fucking registration blaggghhh. hate.

You are Civilian Calvin! You don't get to travel much outside your neighborhood, but you still manage to get in plenty of trouble. When you're not acting up, you like to wax philosophical. Take the What Calvin are You? Quiz by contessina_2000@yahoo.com!

KevinAN: oh man
auto response from aLittleStarlight: cleaning
KevinAN: cleaning
KevinAN: !?
KevinAN: like... the train wreck?
KevinAN: we're not gonna see lana for weeks :'(

legends can be now and forever

we saw an annoying play at ewing children's theatre, called the adventure of somebody taro. or maybe it wasn't the play that was annoying. it was only about 45 minutes long. laylee, morgan, mom and i had seen the princess bride earlier (april) this year. we thought the guy who played humperdink was AWESOME because he was perfect: pompous and hilarious and everything. he turned out to be the main guy in this play. somebody taro. (it was set in japan.) so anyway it turns out, the GUY was just pompous. he played this character the exact same way. it was really really annoying and depressing because now we know he's not cool and that he wasn't really acting. he's just a pretentious bastard all the time. another thing that was annoying, is that the young kids get all the teeny tiny parts and the old kids get the massive parts, even if the younger ones are better actors. this guy who kept flubbing his lines had a major part, when i know morgan's friend sara could do a much better job. but she had one small part at the beginning, and then she was basically an extra for the rest.
and to tell you the truth, the play itself just got on my tiny, blue blue blue nerves.

sweet dirt
leaking onto my bathroom floor
with me in the corner
counting stars i cannot know
i am building a world for you
i am building perfectly
dipping a teaspoon between clouds
to place 2,094,736,157 perfect tiny stars
in the glory of your sky
i am in love with the smell of the pen i used to color in the ocean
i am love perfectly
the clouds i formed are stable, i swear
they only await your approval
we'll walk on beaches of incense ash sand
through forests dyed green
look up at the sea shell moon
i am offering the world to you
i made it perfect lee
when can you move in?
will you mind if i want to visit?
you will be at home there
but nothing i can create compares to you
maybe this time you will forgive my inadequacy
maybe this time i can tag along
happy birthday

happy birthday, jerel.

Who's your inner singer-songwriter?

Take the quiz!


ULTIMATELY, the worst quiz i've EVER taken. and i would be the person who is my least favorite of the three choices (her, vanessa carlton, and michelle branch). simply because she's supposedly COMPLETELY herself and "noncomformist" and "punk" and she's the exact opposite. fuck her and her ties.

To: blackout@darkalabama.com
From: koolsilver@yahoo.com
Subject: blackout

hello.
my friends and i want to go to the rasputina show, but we are only 15. melora, from rasputina, emailed me saying that sometimes clubs like this will let kids come in with thier parents. will this be allowed at the rasputina concert?

thanks, alanna


everybody, do me a favor and email them too.

aLittleStarlight: my sister had oral surgery today
aLittleStarlight: when my mom came to pick her up she was still all drowsy like and halfway sedated
aLittleStarlight: she told mom that it was the best thing that had ever happened to her
KevinAN: HAH
KevinAN: she's great
KevinAN: your sister is great
KevinAN: i can see her saying that too
KevinAN: i really can
aLittleStarlight: ahahahhaha
aLittleStarlight: good.
aLittleStarlight: my sister. oh goodness i love her
KevinAN: she's great
KevinAN: keep her around
KevinAN: by that
KevinAN: i mean dont boil her in a vat of butter
KevinAN: please.
aLittleStarlight: ..... damn!
aLittleStarlight: who told you about my plans for next saturday
aLittleStarlight: did you find my date book
KevinAN: lets just say, i ate it
KevinAN: and by OSMOSIS
KevinAN: i know all.
aLittleStarlight: i'm hungry
aLittleStarlight: do you have any food
KevinAN: YOU CAN'T EAT MORGAN
KevinAN: jesus.

this room is like a bottle, it's never full enough

yesterday, elise IMed me and said, "hey do you want to spend the night?" and i couldn't really think of a reason why not and plus i love elise and so i said "sure." it took a while to get to her house, because when i wrote down the directions i forgot one of the thingies and so dad and i drove around on the kirbys for a very long time and. well, we got there eventually. elise's sister, lena, came home for the first time in a month and a half, as she had been traveling round the country, and she had a little puppy with her that was named charlie after the guy from the perks of being a wallflower, even though he looks just like charlie from all dogs go to heaven. elise told her that i hate that book and she said "why?" and elise said "ohhh don't get her started." so i didnt say anything, which was very good of me, i think. lena> was wearing an awesome, ancient little mermaid shirt and i think her hair was in kinda dreds, in a pink bandana. elise says her sister is a hippie because she doesn't shave her legs or wear a bra. (does that remind you of anyone, laylee?) elise's brother, aaron, and his girlfriend, bethany, (who both just graduated from white station this year) were there for most of that night, before they left for a party at the racquet club for MUS students that they weren't supposed to go to. dammit i just remembered. they don't like the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend." so.... aaron and his lover? ok. they got back late that night (after 1:30 i think) and we all sat in elise's kitchen. bethany was somewhat high at the time, aaron makes very interesting little comments about very random things, and i wish i had brought my camera. aaron kept finding things in the grease of the pizza box. we eventually decided that it was a man talking to god, who was balding a smoking a cigar. the man was squatting, about to jump up and steal god's cigar. elise reminded aaron that he doesn't believe in god, but that obviously was not the point. [the sky is a very very very pretty color right now, and i would go film it for you guys but dad stole the camera and took it to the stewart family reunion.] aaron and behtany were quite nice and inclusive. by some point everybody was hysterical and we decided that there were drugs in the pizza. elise said she wished she could go get wasted and shitfaced with (/like) them. i liked them a lot, and elise said they were her favorite portion of the family. elise and i watched a life less ordinary which we liked a lot. ewan mcgreggor was great, and cameron diaz was only annoying at the end, kind of. it was quite enjoyable. we went to bed around 3 and woke up around 3 the next day. mom and morgan had left a message on elise's AIM, saying that morgan's oral surgery had gone well and she'd called elise's house a million times that morning (for who knows what reason). when we woke up, elise's mom was asleep on the couch. we had peanut butter crunch for breakfast. their phone rings a whole lot. aaron's friend casey called, and he come over just as aaron was getting out of the shower (he'd just woken up as well). we watched some shit tv, casey called 1-800-NEED-HIM (christian prayer line) but they disconnected him before he even got to say what he wanted to pray about. elise called back, but she never got through. my mother called (i got to talk to her through the big banana yellow phone) and picked me up around 5. i want elise to come over some time.