doy is acting nuts. i don't know what's up, but i think it's blogger's problem? damn it. i hate it when things act nuts.
last night, brock come over and we had some sonic quisine. brock refused to look at my reese's blast. it's too bad, that shit is the best. we were like "we have to DO something tonight!!!" but it is so much harder than it sounds, shit. we walked back home and i made him watch "much finer" and the awesome yeah yeah yeahs "maps" video. we read some blogs, talked to brandon. then we were like "SHIT WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!" we thought it would be really cool to see alice, because we never get to hang out with her. but we don't have her phone number. we called margaret, but she didn't pick up her cellie. and then we sat there for a while and thought about who we knew. jenny and elizabeth are/were in atlanta, and brock forgot HAHA. so we called ROBIN. it was awesome. we went and picked her up, and the three of us basically sat around my house and ate pizza. geez how boring are we? oh well. brock's mom came to pick him up at 10 something and we all stood around and talked abotu pets for a really long time. (brock's mom said robin is cute and has nice teeth. jesus, what does she say about me?! "gawd, brock why do you associate with that ugly, bad-teeth girl?") then robin's mom came and we did the same thing. it was relaly funny. it was a nice night, though. robin had fun watching old movie clips i have on my computer, of us just hanging out at school and stuff. she said we should start to film a lot more, like we used to. that would be nice. but i need more tapes. i should've showed her that stuff from last weekend HAHAH. that was hella funny.
today is blegh sunday-esque day. i really hate sundays. i dance in misery. hahahahhahaha. no, really, i sit around and think about everything i am supposed to be doing (i.e. homework) and then end up thinking about everything i wish i was doing (i.e. hanging out with kids) and end up with this absolutely disgusting medium of just sitting around doing nothing. it's sad.
katherine was supposed to come over and edit again today, but she can't because she doesn't have enough work done... i hate our lives.

listening to: the yeah yeah yeahs - maps
(morgan is listening to it in the other room... i think i have gotten her hooked. i am the best older sister.)

this is so strange.... i never, ever, ever, ever, ever cry, right?
but the last couple sundays, the strangest things have made me pseduo-cry... i just watched the video for "haunted by a stranger" by mogwai and my eyes are wet. last sunday, i nearly fell apart while listening to "limbo" by throwing muses. weird that art has more of an effect on me than anything personal. i don't know what the fuck is up. but jesus christ, that is one sad video.
now i just feel pathetic.

YES I'M STILL SITTING AROUND LOOKING AT BLOGS. SO WHAT!?

listening to: the rapture - echoes

god damnit, i nearly fell asleep on the couch at midnight, then i planned to go to bed an hour and a half ago, and WHAT THE HELL AM I STILL DOING HERE? god damn! look at my sick life. sitting here and downloading music. no care in the world for being sued.

listening to: the national - fashion coat

damn i forgot to post today. laylee is out of town in new york, and without her, i have no motivation, since she is the only person who reads this blog. okay, i know for a fact that i am not allowed to say that, after the ted blog situation. i wonder if i have a cult following. how hella funny would that be!
anyway. katherine came over tonight and we got sooooo much done on the "much finer" video. it's really that we've been working on it for a full year. she was here from like 4:30 to 10:30, and we got 1 minute and 2 seconds of the video done. wow that sounds really really bad written out. well, we did have a really short dinner break. and we didn't actually start editting until like 5.
... okay so it is as bad as it sounds. shut the fuck up. much fin3r ownz j00. i am SOOO excited about it. god damn. in fact, i think you kids(s) should get a special preview, simply for being the faithful reader(s) of mine blog fortress. please give suggestion(s). CHECK THAT SHIT.
god i love little blog circles. i love how everyone reads everyone else's blog, sort of. sometimes it seems like the people who post the most/best are the least likely to read other kids' blogs regularly. i guess that just shows who has the good life, and who is the stalker. i like my role. i made all kinds of buttons for some kids' blogs today. it was fun. well they were only for some people on doy who have had blogs but no buttons. oh well it was exciting. even more exciting was when katherine came over in the middle of it and tried to teach me how to play the beifuss song. i have never played a string instrument before though, if you don't count when i TRIED to play guitar in the fourth grade. other than that, i'm a woodwinds gal. too bad strings control me like marionettes. my heart is stuck in a cello somewhere, this is no lie. those bitches have more power over me than anything. it's unfair that i can't seem to play them. oh well, maybe i am destined for the drums like katherine wants me to be. katie said that she can't see me playing drums, though, because i'd have to be STUCK IN THE BACK and SITTING DOWN the whole damn show. maybe i could copy the violent femmes' drummer guy. he just has a couple snares, front and center, and he stands there and plays them, unless he's running around wildly. maybe he doesn't do that all the time. after all, gordon gano did have a broken foot, so he couldn't be the stage entertainment for hte evening. and what a lovely evening. i won't go into it because then i'd ahve to talk about what a damn great day it was and how it was really 2 days rolled into one long long beautiful day because elise and i accidentally stayed up all night... too bad i wasn't blogging when that shit happened. oh well, i wrote a journal entry.
man i love hte yeah yeah yeahs. i made morgan watched 2 music videos and their performance on conan today, and she actually enjoyed them. wow morgan, i am impressed with your mad taste. what sister is cooler than this one? oh yeah after i blogged last night i watched subterranean on mtv2 which is like. the only show i like. and only some of it is good. too bad. there was a really nice little streak of videos... chemical brothers (shut up, the video is really cool), the new yeah yeah yeahs, the new RAVEONETTES, libertines, ima robot, etc. it was pretty fucking awesome. i wrote down names even though the ones i liked, i already knew the band. go figure. shit all i do is talk about music. i am shutting up.
oh yeah i talked on the phone to brock about his day, which was the next best thing to actually seeing him. there's always tomorrow.
anyone up for sneaking into peaches with me on tuesday? i know i already asked... but come on, guys. this is sick.

i want comments about the video. do it:


listening to: The Liars - Mr. Your on Fire Mr.

a couple weekends ago, katherine, brock, elizabeth, and i had a lovely time filming and kite-flying at shelby farms. we are thinking of turning it into a short movie. it would be very very nice and happy.

plus katherine is coming over later today. we hope to edit more of "much finer" and start work on another silly parody movie, but who knows? we might also be editting the kite thing. whatever happens, it'll be great of course.

last weekend i showed "untouchable face" to my friend katie. it was surprising and amazing how much of the real story she got out of the video. she saw some things that it took me forever to see, when the stuff was actually happening. so yay for movies and the power of film. ahaha.

also, the site is now at this address which i'm sure is not helpful at all since you are already there. oh well. there it is.

my day was SO much better than i'd thought it would be. chemistry test wasn't bad, ap essay wasn't too bad, and surprise surprise the dbq essay was nowhere near as bad as i had thought it'd be. amazing! also, i did my algae and latin homework in homeroom and study hall. both of them were checked, what a strange coincidence. lalala. also, the 5th period english class had our lunch again and absolutely yay for that. laylee cuddled me and gave me her sandwich. i stole 25 cents from sallis and bought a hot chocolate sucker from that nice kid. he is very nice.
i can't think of anything else interesting that happened at school. today's post-school was very nice. brock and i talked to alice a lot, and sarah actually ended up taking her home. thank you, sarah! you always have to deal with my mobs. brock and i came home and hung out for a while. we decided to go to the spacebats show tonight, but only after cd shopping and dinner at harry's detour. the dinner was really nice, but it was so nice that we forgot to leave and we were there forever. the otherlands lady said that the spacebats were playing at 8, but when we got there at 8:30, after dinner, there was barely anyone there and no one was playing yet. so we abandoned that and went cd shopping. it takes me forever to decide anything so i just went with the default -- new frank black album! show me your tears came out in early september. it's pretty good, but so far i don't like it as much as his teenager of the year solo album, and of course not nearly as much as any pixies work. but it's fun. i have this and 2 other cds with him and the catholics, though this is the first i've bought for myself in that category. so i'm glad. and i love buying cds when they first come out. it makes me feel nice. to be able to say, "yeah i was a fan during that era" or something. to have artists that i will honestly go out and get all their albums, even when i haven't heard any of the new songs. i don't know. i like that. it's constant, and yet very surprising all the time. i love music so much. anyway. brock bought squirrel nut zippers and andy stochansky's solo cd. i hope he likes them, he's probably listening to one right now. he went home a while ago, very shortly after we got home. cd shopping made us go music-crazy. he wrote a huge list of bands he wants to hear taht i'm supposed to burn cds of for him, but his mom came before we had finished burning the second one. i'm excited though. i love music. sighhh.
i also bought the new issue of rolling stone, which is the special 'women who rock' one. i wish it was really a SPECIAL issue, like they put aside one specifically for that. i mean, practically all music media is about men. and if it's about women, it's about sex appeal and shit. so i am ashamed to say i own this. but missy elliott is on the cover, what could i do? no, seriously there is a really really great sleater-kinney article in here. it's really really good, except for they did a little discography chart for the band... and gave all hands on the bad one 2 stars and called the hot rock "dense, dark, totally depressing." which i don't agree with. NOT totally. jeeesus. come the fuck on. and what was that about all hands?! no way. i can't believe they gave call the doctor the best rating. oh well, i'm over it because sleater-kinney is fucking adorable. especially carrie. oh god i'm melting over here.
i hope spacebats was fun, but i don't really mind at all that we missed it. i've seen like 4 shows, and i'm sure they don't have any new material since last time. brock hadn't seen them before, and i'm only disappointed by the fact that we didn't get to see any kids tonight. and even that didn't bother me, just remembering that it's a THREE-DAY WEEKEND, and that i had an awesome time with just brock, like always. we're two siamese lobsters in a shoe.

listening to: frank black and the catholics - horrible day
(how ironic. HAHAH. this song is really good though! "it's a beautiful day. no, it's a horrible day." that sounds like me, but backwards?)

kristin hersh solo tour -- closest date is november 14 in bloomington, indiana... too bad.

last night i accidentally dozed off doing my history homework. luckily it was a somewhat light sleep, since i had the light on and everything i guess. and i wasn't prepared for sleep which effects it, i think. anyway. i had THE most beautiful dream. it was night time and everything was rainy and becca was at my house. she had the back door open, and called me over. i looked outside and there were these two gorgeous flamingoes parading through my backyard. they had this sort of pale glow in the middle of the night and the rain. oh it was beautiful. then i (thank god) woke up at 4am, did my history outline, and went back to sleep. morgan woke me up and got me pants and gave me candy earlier this morning. she is the sweetest thing.
today is going to be awful, but i found my favorite bra. woo!

HAHAHAH dear god
this will make your day i swear to god:

FUNTASTIC FUNK

just got off the phone with brock. i was doing pretty well with my history shit. i was the little engine that could. mostly because i had a goal: "when i finish this part, i am going to call brock and ask him what we're doing tomorrow!" so i did that, and we ended up listening to the whole throwing muses album over the phone. i really need to get some focus and get a life. talking to brock is always brilliant. i hate that he doesn't have a computer and his blog anymore, but the fact that it means we end up on the phone for huge portions of hte night makes me really happy. i just wish there was something productive i could pretend to do while we talked. like tonight, we listened to limbo, i babbled and recited my favorite lines, and he drew sketches for art. we also did some nice talking, of course. i love that boy. quoth katherine, "oh god. you are so lovely together." i need to stop calling him 'that boy' and shit though because i think 'boy' bothers him. it makes me wish he was violent.
today i had a stupid history test after school that i had to take because i didn't participate in the class discussion over hte chapter. i'm really ret@rd*d. i just hate how sickly stupid it is that i have this huge inability to talk like that. i don't know why. it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. i should be able to scream, you know?
but laylee sent me a happy love sucker via margaret, as good luck and encouragement and laylee love in sucker form. it made my day ten times better. plus katherine w cut margaret's hair and it's very cute. i hope she likes it.
i think me and katherine d are gonna be up all night. and isn't it nice?

WAGGHHHHH THEY CAHNGED SOME TOUR DATES FOR BONFIRE MADIGAN AND NOW TEY ARE LPLAYING IN NASHVIELLE AHGOIEEOAHGOEAOGHEHOAGPHWEOH BROCK BROCK WHERE ARE YOU

me: man my mom is making me look at colleges
me: this is scary
margaret: just scream "U of M" and walk away

HAHAHA. i love that girl.
no, right now i am living in this beautiful fantasy and me and everyone are all going to go to antioch and oberlin in ohio. yes. you heard me. go watch those damn image slideshows at the antioch site, and you'll understand. oh my god. and bonfire madigan is SO playing there on halloween. so they have good shows. i'm melting.
man this is so cheap and cute, it breaks my heart.
i just like looking at this antioch site because it feels like somewhere i'd actually enjoy, something i could actually do, instead of my huge terrifying-ness and intimidation every time somebody mentions college. so good.

i'm supposed to be at macaroni grill, eating a caesar salad or something, with the latin kids. oh well. who the fuck wants to go to macaroni grill with the latin kids, and eat a damn caesar salad or something? and make stupid latin jokes and draw on the table? not me.
i really like my brandon cds so far.
anyway i'm proud of myself for having already started my homework this evening. i have done english and half of math. go alanna go! usually i am sitting on my ass about now wondering where my toes have gone.

aww katie just called me from her car, driving home from work. we had a nice little 2 minutes and 16 second conversation. how sweet is that? i love katie.

YAYYY I FINALLY GOT BRANDON'S CDS! he got mine like a week ago, and they were a week late. FINALLY i have received:
stereopathetic soul manure by beck
tigermilk by belle and sebastian
babysitters on acid by lunachicks
between here and there by the rx bandits

hahah what a strange little mix of cds. anyway, that's made my day lots better. and running through the sprinklers with brock after school.
the day was okay, simply because it wasn't yesterday. and shit wasn't falling out of the sky. i can't think of anything else exciting, except that i'm hungry so i'm going to go take a shower.

thanks to becky's blog for this one: http://www.bookblog.net/gender/genie.html
i am really quite enjoying this. i'm putting in big posts from a bunch of blogs into here, and i'm sure that this takes away some of the fun for you other bored kids, but for those of you who are too lazy... here you go. and it's still fun to go do it yourself anyway.
they tell me i'm female. they usally get me wrong for these things, how odd. robin, zoe, christie, tarah, and ted link are also female. sallis, katherine, and becca are male.
brock is male with spellcheck, female with typoes.
too much fun for me to have.

bad news: becca can't come over tomorrow
good news: she is going to be at tim's!! bahhh!! i hope all goes well.
middle news: she is coming to record on thursday instead.
shit-ass news: i have a history test thing to do on thursday afternoon, and i hate ms. ervin with passion death.

brock called just as i was about to start my homework, around 7:30 or so. he had decided not to do any more of his work, so we talked until about 9:45. he made my day ten years better. i love that boy. and that is all.

i just came to blog and realized i shouldn't be.
quick today:
it sucked.
i didn't talk in the history discussion, and now i have to do a written test after school on thursday. i would've rather done that to begin with.
i got really depressed after that.

there were a couple good things that happened. allison was in our lunch today, so that was hilarious as always. brock, katherine, and i stayed after school watching "glory" for history extra credit. brock kept playing with the carpet and asking why we were there. katherine and i laughed at the cheesy shots and the terrible score. it's amazing how bad movies are.
also i wrote a not-really-a-poem sorta thing. i haven't written a real poem since sept 17, which, ironically, was the date of our LAST in-class history discussion thingie, which i also did not talk during. however, while that one was written after i died repeatedly and was all about that, this one is not. i wrote it in chemistry this morning, and it's shitty. oh well. i need to shut up and go do my homework.

becca is coming over to record tomorrow!!!

i thought therapy was going to be hell today, and it WASN'T. yayyyy. it went a lot better than i expected, and i actually said some shit that was on my mind, like getting depressed yesterday. i don't know if she understood this one thing i said, which was really important to me that she understand, but it was near the end and mom was in there so i couldn't fix it. either she didn't understand, or she killed my meaning in life. HAHA. how funny would that be?
but she did mention again that she talks to me like one of her adult clients, as opposed to one of her other teenaged ones. and she makes me feel better about some things, so i feel like it's worthwhile that i'm still going. today she said "you're going to hate me when this is all over" which i loved. and every time we have to make another appointment she asks if i want to keep coming back, which is very nice. i make the appointments myself, not like with orthodontists or somebody. i don't know. it's going okay.

listening to: "the big lebowski" on comedy central

yesterday i actually made something of a decent attempt to clean my room. it was insane. you can see the floor. and there's sheets on the bed, too. well, i know I'M impressed.
katie came over just after 4:30, right after i got out of the shower. it was pretty nice timing. i was all wet when we hugged, though hahaha. we sat around for a while and i didn't really know what to say at first. we looked at movie showings, and eventually made plans to see a 7:30 showing of "school of rock" with brock and his brother wesley. unfortunately, brock had gotten sick, so he couldn't come hang out otherwise like i had wanted. so mom dropped off me and katie at last chance, where i got the purple tape by the pixies, and she got interpol due to my recommendation. i'm really glad she liked it because otherwise i would've felt guilty. also, she gave me a tegan and sara album that she didn't like, but i haven't gotten around to listening to it yet. plus i don't know where i've put it. it's probably still on the floor under the newspapers. then we went and ate at pie in the sky. mmmm. i had a beautiful root beer and managed it all the way through the movie, and home again. bravo alanna. i also called katherine and invited her and leah to the movie, because i knew katherine had wanted to see it. i wasn't actually sure i was going to like it, but it was the only thing i wanted to see at paradiso, which is next to brock's house and therefore easier for him to get a ride to.
so katie and i got there first, because my dad must be early for everything. plus he had ordered our tickets online, so we didn't even have to stand in line. instead, we played around like tourists next to the fountain. damn the fact that there's a fountain and fake balconies in that movie theatre. then brock and wesley got there, and ordered food and whatnot. somehow in between there, brock lost his and wesley's tickets and he had to buy some more. i really don't know how that happened. he probably dropped them into his huge ACID beverage and they melted. go figure.
we were somewhat late by the time we got into the theatre. i guess me and katie should've gone ahead and saved seats, because the only place with six seats together was the third row. they got there eventually, and it was really fun getting to wave to them across the theatre and whatnot.
anyway i was very surprised that i liked the movie so much. i usually hate jack black, and it seemed like a dumb concept anyway. but i, yes, i am now every other critic of this movie, liked it, even though i shouldn't have. as everyone has said, it's a formulaic silly little flick that you're not supposed to like but you DO and it's AWESOME and FUN and i recommend it. one of the best parts is that they actually know what they're talking about. there was not one place on the soundtrack that induced me to cringing -- lots of ramones, the clash, and even JONATHAN FUCKING RICHMAN!! (oh you KNOW i danced in my seat. and brock sang with me. it was beautiful, you KNOW it.) not one artist's name was mentioned that made me go "what?! noooo that kid is shit!" in fact, i loved reading the stickers and whatnot all over the movie. finding little names like PATTI SMITH and LUNACHICKS just made me too happy for words. it really wasn't fair.
ANYWAY. after the movie we stood around and talked for a bit. i sang and air-guitared violent femmes all the way outside, and probably got some nasty looks. ah well. i enjoyed myself. mom and dad picked me up and katie, and we went home and listened to our new cds and watched music videos i have downloaded. i showed katie "get up" and "untouchable face" which i think she liked. it was uncanny how much of the real story she got out of elise's video. wow, i was impressed. i guess either we did a good editting job, or katie just had some kind of insight. i don't know, but it was pretty amazing. so we ended up just kind of chillin and talking until 4am or so. it was very very very nice. i love katie.
we woke up and had donuts. mmmmmm. we also watched this absolutely nuts-oid movie called "the hole" which was chinese, if i remember right. it was part of this series of movies that chinese filmmakers did about what the year 2000 was going to be like. in this one, there was this insane epidemic which turned people into human roaches. absolutely nuts. it was longer than it needed to be, i think. but every shot really took its time... like you'd sit there and watch the guy lie there in his underwear for like 3 minutes. it was an interesting movie, at any rate, and the last shot was really really beautiful. so i'm glad we saw it.
then we hung out some more. et cetera. katie went home. i did homework. got depressed. you know the drill. except for the last part of sunday, it was a pretty damn nice weekend.

reading everyone's blog today has depressed me. now i'm thinking about hippos in holes. i don't really have anything else to say right now, but i will definitely blog about what a good weekend i had when i am feeling better. and i need to do some homework anyway.
guys, please be happy for me. someone give me some love.

sorry i didn't blog yesterday, kiddies.
just found a pretty awesome layouts site. it's hosted on the same place that i got this layout, but it's actually a searchable database of lots of different webdesigners. pretty fucking cool, and the layouts aren't half bad. the only problem is that (from what i have seen so far) they're all done in diaryland codes, so if you are a blogger kid, you have to mess with the html more than you might like to. i can help you out though, don't hesitate to ask. wootie woot.
yesterdayyyy i had an evil oral presentation in history. i don't really know how it went, but whitney said i sounded like i knew what i was talking about, and ms. ervin hugged me?? it was fucking nuts. she went at me full-frontal, and i hugged back. i can't even imagine what it looked like. but aside from that, yesterday was pretty nice. the presentation wasn't even that bad.
we also had a pep ralley. i sat next to brock until he left, and also laylee and becca. sitting next to them was funny because we basically just watched seniors that they liked. my friend whitney is a cheerleader ho ho ho and she is hilarious. especially during the pom pom routine, she was EXTREMELY over the top and "cheerleader! woowoo!" and she kept making "EAT DIRT" jokes at me and doing the cow dance. very funny to me.
after school, some kids were supposed to go hang out at lauren henry's house, but we had to go to my house and get the camera first. then lauren's mom drove lauren, lauren's sister sally, alice, brock, allison, and me to el mezcal. i had forgotten my money at home hahahah and just got water. i wasn't that hungry, anyway. i really need to learn to eat. i had had only one cracker all day and didn't eat anything else until like 8:30.
then we went to lauren h's house, and we filmed lots of silly silly things. allison and i sang dictator, but it was definitely not one of our best takes. allison had a guitar for some reason, which was funny, and she added a sort of repeated "go eat some fucking yogurt" thing that happened 3 or so times. but we haven't sang it for a really long time, so the lines were kinda off. i was NOT at my highest energy level, having gone to bed at like 3, and then 1 or so every other night of the week. so i need to learn to sleep, too. but it was great. maybe soon there will be some pictures up on the little random picture thing from there. who knows. it was a really nice night, though. even with my lack of energy, allison and i had a race as two of our favorite parody characters, the blankinship and the dragonkitty respectively. i am not sure who won. but after the race bit, we had something of a fight... i split allison's jeans and her lip. it was really hardcore, but i feel awful about it.
we also watched this old tape of katie robbins' 8th grade birthday party, which was hilarious. all the girls looked exactly the same, and the guys all looked tiny. there was an orgy, and it was hilarious. we also watched allison's tape of an ancient dance recital in which a girl collapses on another girl's head, and it's fucking funny. we ran around the backyard as power rangers and also reenacted the famous whitney's fall from the famous roof. (wow i have talked about 3 whitneys today, this is insane.)
inside, we danced around to this crazy techno-ass songs and it was hella funny. we also did this dance thing of allison's which was too much fun.g whahahe.
everyone had planned on going to the football game, but brock and i got picked up by my mom before that. i really wasn't in the mood, and a football game is no place to hang out with people, to me. surrounded by people you hate. shudder. plus, the battery on my camera was dead by then, and i didn't want to be at the game with no way of filming katherine and the drumline.
brock and i tried to call a few people, but none of them picked up. and everyone else was at the football game ahahaha. it was kind of ironic, i guess. wanting to hang out with people, instead of go to the game, and then that's where everyone else was. ah well. that's life. i'm still glad we didn't go, though. instead, we went to starbucks where a guy had fallen asleep in the drive-thru. it was really funny. i'm glad it was funny because otherwise it would've been bad, if something had happened to him in the driveway and he'd passed out. but he had just dozed off hahaha. mom went and woke him up, she's so nice. also ironic that right now she's talking to me about why she feels terrible as a mother, and how i'm RURNT.
ran into billy while walking to starbucks. luckily we didn't have to talk or anything because we were going opposite directions.
i ended up not even getting anything at starbucks. i figured if we were going to backyard burger to get something to eat, the coffee would clash. i'm so silly. but i'm glad, because i got a CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE at bb. i love those motherfuckers. then we went by black lodge and rented three movies. when we got home, i showed mom the "here comes your man" video while brock was on the phone with his mom. she kept saying "i love this band! i wish i'd known about them in the 80s! this is a great video!" which made me really happy. imagine if she HAD known about them in the 80s, and i was raised on the pixies. imagine if i had seen them live, as a bouncing babe. man, my whole life would be different. i bet i'd have a band by now.
brock found my report card on the coffee table, and i felt fucking ret@rd*d and ashamed. we put on "pink flamingoes" which only mom had seen before. it was really different from what she remembered, and she said later that she was really emmbarrassed to have rented it for us. i like the fact that they only had one shot for every seen. but that's about it. brock left the room to blog, and mom and i took off that movie and put on "say anything" because john cusack is god. morgan and dad came home from rehearsal, and morgan left like 20 seconds later to spend the night at foot's. then brock's mom came to pick him up. at that point all my energy just swam out into the universe. i nearly fell asleep on the couch. i liked listening to "say anything" though, so i stayed in there. and i intended to go get on the computer, too. at one point i realized mom had gone to bed, and dad had replaced her on the couch next to me. he is THE loudest eater, and was eating these chips really really loudly, so i couldn't hear the movie anymore. i told him 4 times to quit eating so loudly. he didn't.
me: YOU ARE THE LOUDEST EATER!
dad: where are you going?
me: TO BED!!!
it was depressing, but i was really tired anyway, and i really need the sleep. pretty funny that friday was the only night this week i went to bed at a decent hour (11pm).
woke up this morning and was sort of staring at the sun on the bed, when mom brought me the phone. yayy it was katie! she is coming over at 5 to spend the night. i'm really excited. again, anybody have suggestions for something exciting to do?
i also planned to cd-shop with brock today. and the invitation for anybody who would like to hang out with me and katie is still very open.
i need to go to driving school.
here's a shout-out to Anonymous. don't know who you are, and don't really care to.

listening to: a Jane Siberry album my mom is playing in the kitchen

anyone up for rasputina in arkansas/alabama? i am not sure yet which one it is, because they typed the state name as 'AK' which could be a typo for AL or a mistake for AR.
i hope it's arkansas, because that city is closer. dear god how i'd love to see them.
lucky brandon. they are going to new orleans on halloween. that piece of shit better go.

dear god i have no drive

oh my god. fuck missy elliott, "here comes your man" by the pixies is my new all-time favorite music video. the whole thing is entirely campy and hilarious. they wear bright colors and have this stupid little set and these stupid camera angles and these stupid effects. it's the best thing i've ever seen.
the absolute clencher:
as with everything else, pixies blow every other music video out of the water. lip-synching? forget about that shit. no, they don't JUST not do it. they parody the entire stupid lip-synching concept.
frank black sits there and pretends to play his little guitar and hangs his mouth wide open. and that's it, except for closing it at the end of a line.
HAHAHAAHHAAHAHHAHA. AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAH.
same deal with kim (yes that was a pun. god i'm clever.)
everyone go download this video. it's the best thing i've ever experienced.

oral presentations can suck it.
ms. ervin is the world's motherfucker.

why i love mine mater:
(two insightful conversations)

mom: are you and elise getting along?
me: i don't know
mom: that means you're not
me: okay
mom: i'm irritated with elise.
me: why?
mom: for not getting along with my little precious

...

mom: one day you will find out that cinderella is NOT your name, and you don't belong in a trash can
me: *silently deafening laughter*
mom: that's right. profound words you will remember all your life. i impart my wisdom and all you can do is laugh.

i wanted to go ahead and blog before my day is eaten alive with history. damn me for not starting this shit until the night before it's due, like usual.
today is suddenly full of sex. morgan came into the room when i was discovering another 'white stripes' porn movie i'd downloaded accidentally, and came in again later while i was looking at a birth control website. go figure.
also the jazz band played today, including the sex song. it was a nice way to spend time not in jennings and ervin. yayy.
there is more shit i was going to say but i really have to go start my homework haha.

listening to: the moldy peaches - nothing came out
(does anyone have this cd? i need a copy, and i'm sinfully broke.)

GOD I LOVE CHOCOLATE. ALSDGHL;ASDGHHKSD
too bad the evil baskin robbins woman put nuts on it. now i am spitting nuts right and left.

listening to: sleater-kinney - more than a feeling

WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF

OH MY GOD WHY AM I SO THIRSTY
WHY IS THERE A CAT IN MY LAP
WHY DO I HAVE 0 WORDS ON WORD PROCESSOR?

i have really been neglecting the blog today, and i should be neglecting it even more right now. damn blogger already deleted half of my post already. i am supposed to be working on history right now, and i sort of am, half-assedly. while eating ice cream. and wearing my mother's/father's old plaid robe. mmm.
today was report card day. i hate my grades like i hate myself. they really need to get better, but i'm too stupid to fix them. the only grade that really disappointed me was ap english. the whole thing was mostly brought down by one stupid assignment i didn't do. so it's humanly impossible for alanna stewart to write and makes notes and highlight in books, so what?! no reason for me to have a 70 test average, i'll tell you that. and the tex wex also, apparently, takes off points for being absent. at white station, we spartans learn that our grades are much more important than our own wellbeing, much less the health of our fellow students. i hate my existence. i hate even more that my schedule is NOT that hard. some kids are taking 5 APs this year. i am taking 2 aps, 2 classes that most kids took last year, 1 deafeningly easy language class that i still can't make an A in, and a motherfucking study hall. and i complain. someone shoot me.
we also had clubs today. i went with laylee, becca, robin, and jenny to munter's club, junior states of america. i don't think we are going to go back. it's all debate and horrifying. ted and alone boy were there. aahaha. i was very glad to see that they didn't know each other and weren't sitting together.
brock and i had a huge fight at lunch. i think i pissed him off a lot. i don't know how to stop something when it needs to be over like 6 days ago.
laylee and kevin laughed at me after school, and kevin had a beautiful smoothy pig marble. i love those kids. becca and i had a looooong wonderful hug. it was very nice. allison, brock, and i had an orgy, but i was just an intrusion. brock lets lauren dunn give him really really long hugs. they look really nice. i'm jealous.
elise IMed me to ask me a history question and it had to ask me if i wanted to accept the message. it was strange. after that plus a huge pause, i told her i liked her last poem. mostly i said it because i had been thinking about it. there were parts of it that actually reminded me of myself, and i basically wanted her to either admit it was about me, or reassure me that it was about one of her new friends. as it turns out, she did write it for me. it is nice to know that i'm not just fucking paranoid or something. but yeah it was sort of weird seeing her view of this whole situation like that. i mean it's not like we would've talked about it, because of said situation. oh well. i'm happy, and i'm sure elise is too.
called brock to ask him again what the math homework was. i've done that every night this week, and at LEAST once last week. poor kid. and as previously stated, god knows it's impossible for me and brock to exist and not talk for 230957 years. which is what we did. i feel really bad because i distracted him from his homework, and he didn't get to work on his oral presentation tonight. guilt guilt guilt. but, as always, talking to brock on the phone made my night way better. that and listening to the first throwing muses album and mint chocolate chip ice cream and this nice robe just take the cake. all the way to the traffic light, where they threw it at the policemen, passing by on horses.
mom came in to tell me to do homework. that is, she picked up the cat and sat next to me on the futon and picked the cat for fleas.
mom: who are you talking to?
me: brock
mom: how did he do on his report card?
me: do you want to ask him?
so brock and mom had a lovely conversation, in which mom asked brock about his classes and promised twice that she "won't tell alanna!" and that she's worried about me because i'm fucking dumb. so dumb she blogs at 11:30pm, with piles of homework left to spit on! beautiful life. oh yeah, my yellow underwear are now purple in some places because of all that permanent marker that has been on my stomach+ area for the past couple days. how fucking funny is that? i want to hang that shit on my wall.
who the fuck is dartmouth vs. woodward?

listening to: whatever is wafting out of morgan's room. she listens to music really really loud when she's going to bed... awwww she's listening to becca! how cute. so THAT'S where my cd went.

downloading porn with dave-o!
accidentally downloaded some porn. think i'm probably downloading some more.
that's about it for my day.

lauren: i was walking down the street one day
lauren: in my short black skirt and knee high boots
lauren: and this sexy mexy whistled at me
lauren: so i flagged him down with my panties
me: oh very nice
lauren: and i crammed in the truck with all 2000 of them
me: slut
lauren: and we went back to his tent at the trailer home and they took turns bangin me like the screen door they wish they had
lauren: BAHAHAHAHAHA

WHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH.
so elise recently converted her never-updated blog into a "poetry-circle" copycat of DOY, only with her and her friends. some people think that she has just recently felt judged and uncomfortable posting on DOY, that we will give her negative comments. however, i theorize that it's a power trip for her because she writes better than anyone else on the site.
anyway.
this summer she added me as a member of the site so that i could fix her shit, because it wasn't posting to the ghotli server.
i just checked, and she has deleted me from the Just Dream members list.
WAHAHEOAIHGHEEIAOAOGHAHAHAHEHEAOGIHGHAH
man that is hella funny. it makes my day.

listening to: "the blues" show on WKNO
("if you were black for ONE NIGHT on beale street, you'd never wanna be white anymore!")

lalala. doing history junts. hate hate hate life!!! weee!
oh yeah i am supposed to plug for becca's show.
OCT 17! JAVA MUTHAFUCKA!
i think she should ask mary to switch the date, because the next morning is psats, so a lot of kiddies won't be allowed/keen to go to a late-night rock show.
cat is in my lap and shedding multitudes.
archimedes on the telle.

let's get over this . i'm your lovertits

i know i have been talking about peaches a lot. but please guys. do yourself a favor and watch the lovertits video because it is TOO much fun for words.

i was positive today was going to be shit. it really was shit. at some point during the day i was like "man this day is such shit. i better live it up. MAN I'M HAVING THE WORST TIME OF MY LIFE!" and it wasn't really, and in my sarcasm, it became a better day. i pretended to had fun, and then had fun. it was kinda nice. there was this history assignment that katherine mentioned to me at like 11:30 last night, and i realized i must've been absent when it was assigned because i had no idea anything about it. so i freaked out about that and stayed up late doing my algae, which took forever, so that i could do my history during study hall. by study hall, i still hadn't actually figured out what the assignment WAS and so i gave up, doodled, and wrote a punk song.
ms. wexler finally gave me my six weeks average today, and i was not at all pleased. good thing i don't care. i just hope mom doesn't either. we got a seating chart today in latin, which is really weird. also very funny, because no matter where we are placed, there's always going to be someone to talk to. or we end up shouting across the room while poor ms. lafon says "WAWAAA WAWAAA WAWAAA" at her little podium, with the photograph of latin mcdonalds on it. that class is a joke. like today i turned to jenny, who i now sit next to, and said "this class is such shit." and she responded with "that's why we take it!" and i remembered. ahhaah. genius me. anyone who takes latin is a genius, simply for electing themselves into such a pit of hilarious hell.
post-school was very nice today. brock was wandering the annex in his nice sweater. i caught him.
i saw laylee and kevin for the first time since friday. i love those kids. becca and kevin had a kissing contest with my hand. brock and i played thumb-war. technically, he won, but i think i should be the one who gets the metal because i got his thumb down for like 8 counts like 5 separate times. that motherfucker tries to use two hands. we both tend to sing when theres a lull in conversation, and we always feel the same lulls. today we both started singing "hamster baby" by bikini kill at EXACTLY the same time. it was beautiful. i love that song. and we brought back our summer choreography to it, too.
dad yelled at me for taking so long to get to the car. i hope brock isn't still at school waiting for his mother.
katie is going to spend the night this weekend!!!!! i'm so excited. i want you people to meet her, too. man i love katie. i can't wait. i have to think of something exciting for us to do.

listening to: amazing plaid - the snake and its shadow

EVERYONE ON THE PLANET IS NOW GOING TO ASSIST ME IN MAKING A FILM. GET ON IT. NOW NOW NOW. CUT CUT CUT. GET OUT OF THE SHOT!
i'm very very serious about editting the kite day into a short film of some sort, even if it's just a 30 second thing for me to watch and say "what a good day."
also, katherine and i have been talking for months about doing another movie in the same style we did romeo and juliet. we want to pick a play, and write/shoot/edit the parody in one weekend. well, maybe not finish editting. but come on. we deserve it, anyway. if anyone wants to help, please let us know.
also if you have got any movie ideas of your own, GET ON IT!!! TAKE CHARGE!!! WRITE YOUR SCRIPT/STORYBOARD/OUTLINE! CAST! then let somebody know, and we will get the camera over there in 10 seconds flat. serious. we will find you some actors if you need them too. and we will edit. and everything. and please. i want to make a movie.

YOU ARE THE SON OF A MOTHERFUCKER!

so last night, during my insomnia, i was listening to elliott smith's album figure 8. whenever i've listened to it before, i've enjoyed it and everything. but dear god. after listening to throwing muses five times and pixies at least once yesterday, it seemed so........ BLAND. and i just thought to myself... why listen to anything if it's not amazing? why should i ever listen to a song that doesn't feel like it could change the world? i only want to listen to songs that never cease to amaze me. otherwise, what is the point?
and it made me really happy. and eventually i fell asleep.

brock called me awhile ago. i was in the shower, though, because while i was doing my history homework, i suddenly realized that my clothes were gone and i had written throwing muses lyrics all over myself in purple sharpie. it's mostly gone, after the shower. my tit still says 'slut' and my stomach has lyrics from "buzz" and my left leg has lyrics from "shark" and etc. it's really funny. the most obvious ones, on my arm and my chest are gone, though. i wonder if they will be at all visible at school tomorrow.
i called brock back when i got out of the shower, and we talked for awhile, and i avoided homework. he misses his computer, of course. he is worried about the ap art saturdays class that he is going to apply for. in the long run, it will be a great thing, but 4 hours every saturday afternoon for 5 months? that's a long time. and that's a lot of time to devote to something. but he's serious, so it's good. plus he's an amazing artist, as previously stated, so that's even better. one of these days i'll film some of his things and put them on the computer and make everyone marvel over their amazingness.
i should probably finish my homework. but right now i love my blog. and frank black. *rape*

listening to: degrassi!?

I WANT DAY TOMORROW!!!!!

wow, the lock on my window is broken. that makes me feel EXTREMELY vulnerable... well uh. kids, you are free to come over and come in whenever you want. we'll make a party out of it. it'll be like clarissa. i always wanted that.

oh yeah, i forgot. i wanted to say on here that my cell phone is working again if anyone needs to call it. it's been dead for like a week or something.
also i have therapy again next monday, and i'm supposed to make a "list of my strengths" ??? i was just going to skip that shit, but i've been avoiding it since she asked me to do it on the first day i went. and she's been asking for it ever since. but she did say that i can have people help me with it, and i'm a lazy ass. so. if you want to. HAHA. man.
okay i need to go do some homework. i'm such a lazy piece of shit.

okay i'm back from helping morgan and foot with their homework, and freaking out about peaches. i'm ready to blather about my day. and oh yeah, melissa ferrick is coming to the hi-tone tomorrow night... i'd love to go, but it's 18+ and i don't know if i can get in, plus it's a school night, and. it would be a lot of trouble. plus i'm utterly poor. i have negative moneys.
after such a depressing weekend, the day was actually okay. nothing too terrible happened. i somehow survived the history test. for some reason, i was in a really good mood as entered that class. if you talk about how much you DON'T care about something, you start to feel like it a lot a lot. miranda was dreaming of cheesecake, and margaret and i talked about how great "lost in translation" was. that put me in a GREAT mood, along with the fact that mrs. ervin was absent. so the day was pretty much just a breezy little one. after school, i got to talk to becca a little, and i haven't really seen her much lately. i want to hang out with her soon. robin and i had our usual post-school chat. oh yeah, i made allison laugh with more doodles in english. so i guess it was a pretty good day. the best part was out front after school when brock grabbed me and spun me around, out of the blue, into the white. it was really beautiful. i love you, brock. especially since he had to bend over-ish to pick me up ahahahaha. i am so small. but as i've said before, the only thing i like about being small is the fact that i am picked up easily and i got spun around a lot. i got really dizzy this afternoon and i seriously would've fallen over if i wasn't still clinging to brock. lalala. it was very nice. and brock is an amazing artist. he melts me.
we listened to the moldy peaches in sarah's car coming home. it made me really happy.
today is full of peaches.
i'm going to go eat now. today is better than i thought it was.

listening to: tom waits - table top joe

what else is in the teaches of peaches? huh? what?

this song was SO in "lost in translation." i was kinda ashamed to know the song from the scene in the exotic dancing club. oh well. peaches is god. no, seriously.
peaches' site
awesome biography
peaches' tits
she's something like the embodiment of sex. she has a picture gallery of crotch shots on her website. the best part is that she's not buying into any of the fucking shit in our culture. no, she's NOT gorgeous. she's androgynous, she's not anorexic, and she tends not to shave her underarms. she performs in almost-undwear with dildos, for god's sake. the other day i saw her name near the top of an "ugliest indie rockers" list. i thought it was incredibly unfair. i'd do her.
OH MY GOD I JUST FOUND OUT SHE'S COMING TO MEMPHIS AGIWEHOPHAEGHAWEIOGHWE
PLEASE SOMEONE COME WITH ME TO THE SHOW.
AWHIEWHIAEGGOPAWEHOWEGHI

listening to: peaches - i don't give a...

HOLY GOD. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND GO DOWNLOAD "SHARK" BY THROWING MUSES. JESUS CHRIST.
no, seriously. download it or i'll burn you a copy of the cd. just ask.
really. normally, i can't listen to an album, much less a SONG, over and over, but.... this is my exception.

robitussin am: ahahahah i'm drunk
robitussin am: it's sunday night and i'm drunk
robitussin am: AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA

is this a running theme or what?

(about her blog)
FalLynnStar: its pretty much...so itssunday, ive been drunk since friday. ok its tuesday, im so fucking high.

i feel a lot better than i did earlier. brock called and cheered me up. we talked about bellybuttons and those plastic kitchens that you have when you're little. i never had an easybake oven. brock was given one as a gift by his 'confused' aunt, but was not allowed to play with it. jesus look at all this psychological baggage. everyone has a lot, if you take the time to remember all that shit. i'm supposed to be working on latin right now. fuck that.
i'm SO GLAD i bought my throwing muses and pixies cds... that was my big event of the weekend, really. i found seasick by imperial teen, the glass intact by sarge, and the hissyfits cd, which are all AMAZING finds, but i wasn't sure i'd love them all. even though i could get the muses or pixies any day, they really really made my weekend better. music is my savior. and now i'm playing yet another great album...

listening to: tracy + the plastics - ain't never gonna die

the following is a poem that brandon wrote when he was really stoned. it's made my day 10 times better, but now that brandon is gone and i have to go back to my room and my latin and my muses, i'm getting depressed again. oh well. maybe this will brighten your day.


Alanna, My Memphis

Elise tells me you've been skipping school
since you heard about John Ritter
and of course I've been meaning to call
but the phone's in the other room
and it's too damn hard to talk
to someone in mourning. Memphis,
you haven't left the mattress
in over a week and it scares
me. Memphis, it's time to brush
your teeth clean and forget.
Alanna, I'm coming back to Tennessee
and I'll meet you halfway,
the middle of your kitchen.
Remind me that I owe you a nap
in the coffee shop and I swear we won't move
till the waitress tries to kick us out
and you'll throw you hands to the ceiling
in protest and I'll hold your head to my breast
so you won't see John Ritter in the window
kissing Elise's open mouth.

well. throwing muses and latin are no cure for depression, i'll tell you that. kristin hersh's voice makes me feel powerful, but the words make me terribly terribly sad. and it doesn't help at all that she's crooning "baby, go back to your womb" which is what i would really like to do right now. i just want to curl up on the windowsill and die. i hate

god i'm in the worst fucking mood.
why am i so angsty this weekend?

anyone know what the jennings homework is? call me
ON A LINE! BABY CALL ME CALL ME ANYTIME

i'm really excited about all these pixies covers i've downloaded... it's sick. ahha. but i FINALLY got all these mp3s that i've been trying to download for over a year.... so that's pretty exciting to me.
i wanna be in a pixies cover band.

listening to: melon - ed is dead (pixies cover)

amazing feats accomplished today by me:
bought stamps and envelopes that cds actually fit into
didn't find purse, but found money
actually bought throwing muses cd

why i want a band:

if we got bored, we'll move to california!

i am feeling much better since my last post. i forgot how angsty i was earlier. tsk, tsk, tsk. shortly after i posted that, i watched "american beauty" while eating havardi and ritz, in between my parents on the couch. i really like that movie. i'm glad i finally saw it.
oh yeah i forgot to talk about the earlier part of my day. well. mostly i sat around. went to see "lost in translation" with my parents and brock, which was a BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL film. i REALLY recommend it, i love it and the music was good. plus i love scarlett johannson and i WISH i had her voice. mom said last saturday taht i sound like her, with my hoarse voice, which, yes, i still have. wow what a beautiful movie though. dad said he really liked the composition of shots in "american beauty" and the cinematography of it, but i was much more impressed with "lost in translation." everything was really striking and beautiful.
after the movie, brock decided he had to go home and do school work... he didn't get much done, though. surprise, surprise. after that i had the angsty/lonely/depressing part of my night. then we watched "american beauty" and everything got much better. that was a really good little film. really good and really human. ANYWAY i need to shut up about movies. and start telling you people, yet again, HOW MUCH I DESPERATELY LOVE FRANK BLACK. DEAR GOD!!! HOW DOES HE DO IT?! HOW!? I AM MARRYING THE MAN.
almost right after the movie ended, brock called me! yayyyy i love brock phone calls. we talked for about an hour and a half, i guess. the call was wonderful, but his computer has been taken away which is depressing. oh well, that will just be further reasoning for beautiful phone calls. now i'm excited. but i already miss his blog. *mourn and roses*
i've been talking to katie since i got off the phone with brock, which is really really nice because she never stays up late, and we haven't had a long conversation in a while. we are making plans to hang out next weekend! i'm really excited. i NEVER see katie. YAYYYY. everyone please come meet her.
oh yeah, i bought come on pilgrim by the pixies and limbo by throwing muses today. wee! i love new cds, and it's been awhile, and I'VE BEEN TIRED!
i wish i had cute feet.

listening to: pixies - isla de encanta

i hate me. there were cute boys at turlte's flipping through the used section next to me. they were talking about pixies while i was looking for pixies. the one with the spongebob shirt asked the one with all the pixies albums which album "where is my mind?" is on and i wanted to answer, but i didn't. then later mom came to tell me to hurry and decide on what cds to buy because she wanted to leave. she saw the pixies on the top of my stack and told me "get that one, you love the pixies" and the pixie boy looked at me. god damn it all. i wish i could talk to people at all. i loved that they were spending their saturday night hanging out at turtle's and spending all their money on used cds. i hate myself.
on the way home, i saw one of my seasoning friends on the pay phone by the smart mart. i think it was him, anyway.

listening to: pixies - i've been tired

MY LIFE'S AGENDA:
see laylee and becca
bra-shopping
give becca key to house so she can record whenever
edit kite video w/kat+
edit/film any movie ever
2001 doy posts thingie
buy stamps for brandon's package
find purse
buy throwing muses cd
another fountain day feat. film
homework?

i'm bored and depressed and i want to go to bed but i'm not tired. aopwgihpawgh.
well i'm listening to stereo total's cover of "get down tonight" so i think it's helping. HAHAHH. shit. download this it's funny as hell.

god damn life! well i'll get there. i mostly had a really good day.
school was school. not too bad, really. chemistry is getting really complicated and i'm so lost in there suddenly. we got assigned a research paper in english today but it isn't as intimidating as it would be because there are little dates she set up for us along the way, so it's not just like she's throwing us this huge assignment and saying "bring it in december." if that was what she did... i would've killed myself. and the topics are actually interesting surprise, surprise. i'm thinking about maybe doing beat poets or the one with e.e. cummings in it. or.. well a lot of things. anyway. i need to shut up about school because i hate it. and god knows you people don't want to hear about it. oh only one more thing. i hate that i'm enjoying algebra so far. it's completely against my morals. i remember in 9th grade when i started to UNDERSTAND math finally. i got good grades and then realized that i was enjoying the actual work, even though i tried to repress it. oh well. i guess i can't change that. but what's even more depressing to me, is that i know by the end of this year, i'll HATE math again, because of how shitty this year has been guaranteed to be by everyone i know who took the class last year.
i'm really hungry. brock i don't remember how much dinner was but remind me to pay you back. and i need to pay elizabeth for gas.
after school, i dawdled around with laylee and kevin, and then with robin and russell. then i remembered that elizabeth was my ride home and ran off to find her. she wasn't out front, and i ran to the elementary parking lot. however, she doesn't park there. so i ran into kevin and laylee again, who were also with becca, william, and a couple other kids. william actually offered me a ride home, too! can you imagine the content of that trek? wow it boggles me. eoiwaohgiopiewh. he really liked my voice though. yes, i'm STILL hoarse, how sick is that?! i've decided to never get rid of the voice, so i yelled a lot today. i'm not there yet. apogwihpowaihg i hate skipping ahead. damn me. okay.
well i found elizabeth and jenny eventually. elizabeth didn't know she was supposed to be my ride, although i thought that katherine had sort of asked her for me last night when we made our post-school plans? ah well. the three of us went to jenny's and hung out for a while. it was nice. we talked, and they worked on jenny's birthday present for rocio. i called brock and we talked for a while, because it's humanly impossible for me and brock to have a short phone conversation. this is a proven fact. eventually we realized it was like 4:45, which is when katherine had planned to meet us at shelby farms to fly kites! jenny was about to leave for rocio's party, so unfortunately she could not attend. elizabeth and i picked up brock around 5. we were pretty late getting to shelby farms, but luckily katherine had not been there long either. lauren henry and jackie douglas were supposed to meet us, too, but they never showed. i had a GREAT time. i mostly filmed everyone else doing things, and i hope we get at least one good shot out of the whole thing. i did a lot of art close-ups and whatnot. it was too fun. eventually they made me fly the kite a couple times, but i don't know that i was any good at it. i guess i'll find out once i see the film. the four of us tried to do some square dancing, but it was mostly unsuccessful because my counts were faster than brock's. and we also spun. i LOVE spinning. unfortunately, brock and i never last very long because of his faucets. it's cool, i love them. also, katherine filmed brock swinging me around by the arms twice, but she didn't get our really good time. i actually prefer hug-swinging, which we did once but was also not filmed. just would be so much fun to edit it as a group some time... and make a little short about our Day. how happy.
we got really hungry, and left to go to wendy's and subway. brock had to pay for me again because i've lost my purse somewhere in this hell house. he is way too nice. i told him no, he didn't have to pay for me, but he was going to order a kid's meal for me anyway if i didn't tell him what i wanted. he's too nice to me. anyway. we ate on a median and nearly got ran down by a smiling east-memphis mother. c'est la vie. BABELFISH THAT, MOTHERFUCKERS!
we tried to go through the carwash. i have incredibly bad luck with those things. last time i tried to go through one was with mom literally years ago. we somehow got stuck before we'd even gotten into that piece of shit and scraped up our old van. it was funny as sin, but mom now hates carwashes. so the stupid thing malfunctioned and we died and then it just refused to light up at all. it was really depressing because i'd been so excited. brock and i even got into the very back seat, to watch everything better. oh well. katherine had to be home by 7, so we just left at that point. elizabeth said i moved into the front seat very gracefully. woohoo me is full of grace, yo. i decided that i should start yelling a lot so that my voice never gets unhoarse, which i mentioned earlier. so when we realized that we had caught up to katherine on walnut grove, i had to lean out the window and yell all kinds of sporadic shit at her for like 5 blocks. it was exciting. "whatever happened to pong? i love screaming! the van behind you is watching barney." and my oh my did that mom give me an EVIL EYE. she and her purple van wanted me dead. it was awesome.
so elizabeth just took me and brock -- surprise, surprise -- back to my house. this is our new routine, i guess. we talked about going to see a movie, or a show, or a person, but we ended up just ... sitting around, for the most part. we hung out on my bed, doodled, watched a little tele, destroyed some school assignments, danced around, hosted an orgy, the usual. i feel bad for being so boring. oh well. it's brock's fault for putting himself in my company.
after his mom picked him up and i read his blog post, i went into a terrible state. and now i'm blogging and i am fine again, and i can't remember exactly why i was not happy. thank god it takes me forever to blog hahahaha. fuck me.

listening to: frank black - freedom rock

i've been listening to kristin hersh for the past couple days and guess what? i'm falling in love again. her and the pixies. they just do that thing to me. yeah her and the pixie and like 239057 other bands, but come on. who is on my mind? and where is it?

"We could be falling in love, like nobody else
Tonight your dream is safe with me
Tomorrow we wake up in L.A."

listening to: kristin hersh - clay feet

big morgan asked me to do his show, red pain(t) at our own voice in february. i'm not sure about the time committment, so i haven't said anything to him yet. also i'm not sure that i would be comfortable with how he wants to set up the play... which is that he gives the actors the situation and they(we?) just improv the lines, every single time. i could deal with that if we just workshopped the play like that, but to have to perform it like that every single time? terrifying. i don't know. if you've got any advice, let me know.... oh and if it influences any decisions, i MIGHT be playing alongside william gratz and ted link? or saki's pirate ass? but paul foster, who was going to play one of the lead roles, is definitely out of the picture, according to laylee and becca. morgan also wanted elise to be in the play but i'm pretty positive she can't do it, what with her MUS play and everything. i don't really know how that is going for her, seeing as we haven't really talked in a few weeks... wow how weird to think about that. last time i saw her outside school was... well last week at open-mic, but we didn't talk. and then before that at cooper-young, but again we didn't talk.... and before that i think it was the film festival weekend and jesus that was forever ago. maybe i'm wrong? oh well. how weird to think about, though. and especially strange that i haven't really fully noticed/minded.

listening to: bangs - tiger beat

it's time to train your brain!
like a rat in a maze
it's time to train your brain!
like a rat in a maze


this is my new theme song. mom sang it to me while she bugged me about history.

well, there is just no more reason to live. as i walked into the den, as the familia was watching fucking FRIENDS, my least favorite show EVER, and i said i wanted to put on a movie, dad said he was going to take the videos back to black lodge finally. of course. and then they wouldn't let me put it on anyway because i haven't finished my incredibly miniscule amount of homework. which i guess i'll actually have to do now. wonderful.

i really have to pee and i'm really hungry so this will probably be a lot shorter than it needs to be.
today actually wasn't that bad. go figure. that always happen when i'm unnecessarily dreading something, and i know i couldn't possibly have spelled that right but i refuse to go back and look at it. i'm trying to think of some Highlights for today, but i really can't think of any. OH wexler's english class got to join our lunch today, becuase of stupid AP Essay thing... so laylee and i ate this bagel that william gave her, and brock gave us each a slice of cheese. it was good. i love laylee. i love her sweater. i love her manpants.
after school, we were loving and this guy chris harassed us to death. it was actually really funny. i should go into details but... i'm starving. so i'll do them later, if someone reminds me. or if i get bored enough. probably no one cares. the only person who cares is Future Me, looking back at old posts and laughing hysterically because no one else did. oh well.
we went to this seminar thing at u of m about witchcraft in europe and then in salem. it was pretty interesting, but it was also for extra credit. my favorite part was one of the professor's funny pants/existence, and sitting on the floor leaning on laylee and melting into her beautiful ness. she's very very comfortable and i love her. i hope i didn't germinate her... but then again maybe she'll also develop a "great great smoker-cartoon voice" in the words of brock. anyway. everyone, have a lovely day.
i'm depressed because no one wants to come to open-mic with me. oh well. i decided to stay home, do homework, and maybe watch american beauty. wish me luck. let's make tomorrow great.

listening to: stereo total - miau miau

WOO i am so shirtless right now

i have muted phone-ear from talking to brock for too long. i like it. but i'm also really dizzy and my throat hurts and i'm achy. god damn this sickness. i should probably start my homework. i need to die.

these are bonfire madigan tour dates.... i am trying to figure out what show it would be easiest for me to get to would be. bare with me, people. i'm getting all these times off mapquest based on the distance from my house to just the general city, not the specific venue.

Mon 10/06/03 Los Angeles, CA -- yeah, i'm not calculating cali dates.
Tue 10/21 San Francisco, CA -- because that would just be pathetic
Mon 10/27 Denver CO -- same here
Tue 10/28 Lawrence, KS -- 9 hr 16 min
Wed 10/29 Columbia, MO - 6 hr 37 min
Thu 10/30 Chicago, IL -- 8 hr 45 min
Fri 10/31 Yellow Springs, OH -- 8 hr 58 min
Sat 11/1 Newport, KY -- 7 hr 45 min
Sun 11/2 Cleveland, OH -- 11 hr 44 min
Mon 11/3 Buffalo NY -- hahaha.
Tue 11/4 Northampton, MA -- ditto
Wed 11/5 New York, NY w/ Rasputina
Thu 11/6 New York, NY w/ Rasputina -- dear god i wish.
Fri 11/7 Baltimore -- 14 hr 42 min or DC -- 14 hr 7 min
Sat 11/8 Arlington -- 14 hr 2 min or Charlottesville -- 12 hr 11 min
Sun 11/9 Winston-Salem -- 10 hr 24 min
Mon 11/10 Wilmington -- 14 hr 26 min or Asheville -- 8 hr 6 min
Tue 11/11 Atlanta -- 7 hr 12 min or Athens -- 8 hr 37 min
Wed 11/12 Savannah -- 11 hr 10 min
Thu 11/13 Tampa -- 14 hr 32 min or Gainesville -- 12 hr 36 min
Fri 11/14 New Orleans -- 6 hr 30 min or Baton Rouge -- 6 hr 18 min
Sat 11/15 Houston -- 10 hr 36 min
Sun 11/16 Austin, TX -- 10 hr 38 min
Mon 11/17 El Paso TX -- 17 hr 60 min
Tue 11/18 Phoenix, TX -- 11 hr 60 min
Wed 11/19 San Diego, CA -- hahaha.

i would've deleted the sickeningly far away dates but... i thought someone might care. silly me. so basically, lousiana is looking like the best bet. kentucky would work too because that's a saturday. brock, where are you when i need you? go get your license, ass.

HAHEHAAIAIOH

this was just sent to me by my sister's friend eileen, who is also home sick today. how odd. i think she's also in good time speech, the new our own voice show, with foot and morgan and dad and sarah and everyone. i wish i could've been in the play, but it's turning out to be an even bigger time committment than i originally thought, so i'm kind of glad i'm not in it. especially with being sick.

listening to: sleater-kinney - not what you want

if you guys couldn't tell, i'm having TONS of fun with the little image to the right. it should be different every time you refresh the page. YAYY. i also really like the grainy quality that they all have, but i didn't do that on purpose. there's 2 images still in there from the original layout, but i don't know that i'll keep them... they're starting to feel really out of place. keep on the lookout for more to come. i'll probably make a million more today. but right now i can't log in to ghotli server for some reason, so... you might not see any new images yet. but YAY for now.

listening to: manitoba - i've lived on a dirt road all my life

yes, faithful readers haha, i finally took a sickday. i guess i deserved it, though.
i woke up this morning, and someone had turned the light in my room on. i was facing the window, and though i figured out later that this couldn't have been true, the sky looked really yellow (it was just the light of my room though, somehow) and my whole room and my sheets and my bed and my skin were dripping with yellow. i figured that i could sleep a while longer though, so i closed my eyes. a while later, somebody turned the light off. i opened my eyes. the sky was blue, making my room and my sheets and my bed and my skin blue. it was really eerie, and i was really confused, still half-asleep. a while later, i think i woke up pretty well. the sky, of course, was white and everything in my room was the right color. it was kind of disappointing, so i just layed there in the bed until i fell asleep again. i woke up again at 11:45 and figured i should get up. maybe do some of the homework i fell asleep doing at 10 last night, which is probably the reason mom decided to let me stay home, anyway. called dad to ask him what kinda pills are best to take. since we are out of everything else, he recommended the night-time tylenol cold because i'm at home anyway, and sleeping won't hurt. until i'm up at 2am tonight with my eyes peeling out of my head. ah well. i don't think my body liked dad's perscription. i had a coughing fit as i was taking the first pill. thank god for the sink. pills start to melt after a while though. not very cool.
so now i am sitting here eating a rich chocolate brownie slimfast meal-on-the-go bar. in my snazzy new computer chair. dad said call if it falls apart.
i put brandon's cds in a little package last night to send to him. well i tried, anyway. dad bought a pack of envelopes that are barely big enough for me to stick a slim cd case in. and this time, i am sending brandon 4 cds, so i had 2 slim cases to put in there. after a long struggle, i had sucsessfully closed the package, only to discover a gash i'd created on the front of the package. god damn it. (i love saying 'god damn it' with my hoarse voice.) so i guess i'll just patch it up and everything. but we don't have any stamps... sorry, brandon. god damn me.
i'm trying to sit here and say everything i can possibly think of because i promised myself that when i stop this shit i have to go do at least some of my homework. *cough* history. god damn it. let's see. i've started to make a new, updated list of my cds. woohoo. that's pretty exciting... haha.
OH YEAH i had the craziest dream. god damn me for not remembering these things better.... i just know it had to do with like.. some band. like some mountains folk band kinda thing, featuring kristin hersh and her family. i don't know if her name was kristin hersh but i knew her by the voice. and i was doing like.. a biography kinda article about them? and i might've travelled in time. but they were really interesting. and i think i was the daughter of george bush, or something, because in my article thing i wrote something about despite the ideas of my father mr. bush, i've made my own opinion about the Such And Such Family's band. i LOVED them, of course. so i finished my article (which i wrote onto a CD?) and then some people appeared. i might've kissed brock... i only remember that he was there and that there was a Vibe. but i know i made him give me a piggyback ride, across a river.

listening to: the magnetic fields - 100,000 fireflies

today sucks. that's about it. i have a headache. i had a coughing fit at the library trying to essay-brainstorm with margaret. fuck this shit. i want to die. where is my band?

i'm sitting in a cardboard box and my family is taking turns laughing at me. oh well. i should be doing my homework. i'm a genius. plus i'm waiting for jerel to post on DOY, because he said he was going to. so i'm excited. and i can't stop talking to brandon, but what else is new?
today was pretty crappy. everybody got really low grades on the english project. i got my six weeks average for AP U.S. and i'm intensely proud of my 82. how sick is that? i'm pathetic and i make the shittiest grades. what can i say? well... i've still got my cold. mom and i went to therapy thing. we actually talked about school most of the time, which i didn't enjoy. about my stupid non talkness. i don't know. it sucked. that was today. there was another roach in the kitchen. so i had ice cream. mom sprayed lots of bug spray and screamed "SOMETHING'S GOTTA DIE!"

listening to: cat power - rockets

vanilla supreme #1 doctor recommended high protein ensure is DISGUSTING and tastes like pavement

muscle tissue my ass

laylee is going to take me bra shopping. WEE!

robitussin am: ahahhahaa i just saw a commercial with a guy in it that i thought was cute and i said "wow. i'd put it in him. but, he's probably gay. oh yeah. i have a penis." and then i fell over laughing
robitussin am: i think i just learned a lot about myself in the past two minutes

ROACH INVASION
A ROACH INVITED HIMSELF INTO THE SHOWER
SHOWER WITH A ROACH
ROACH SAW ME'S TITTIES
ROACH SCANDAL
A;KHGWPAOEIHPAIOSHGD

aww my mommy got me some havardi cheese. i love my mommy.

come when you need some . you're a pusher

today has been nice. i sat around for most of the afternoon, and helped mom "clean" a little bit. got brandon's cds in the mail FINALLLY (haven't listened to any yet, though, because they all seem way to exciting). called up brock, logically. it was actually just to tell him that i wasn't going to be allowed to go out tonight, because my hoarse throat qualifies as sick to mother. that was too bad because brock and i had planned on going to the copper possum show at neil's tonight to support tim from my latin class. that was sad. but of course brock and i ended up talking for forever on the phone, because that's what we do. in the end, he decided to just come visit me. ("i love living at your house!!") since seeing a good movie does NOT count as going out, mom allowed brock and i to see american splendor, which was quite good. brock discovered for the first time that the armrest in between movie theatre seats goes up, so we got to hold hands for the last half of the movie, which was really nice. i love the boy.
we came home and started watching my dinner with andre. i probably really wasn't in the mood for it, especially after just seeing a completely opposite kind of movie -- very involved, featuring lots of different techniques and strategies of storytelling. my dinner with andre is just very straightforward -- two guys sitting at a dinner table for the entire movie. you could just listen to that movie and it would make perfect sense. i didn't like that at all. i'm too interested in film for that. i got bored with the non-shots and the non-cinematography. it wasn't even anti-cinematography. it was just like "fuck that, i'm above that" not like "fuck that, i'm a movie." i don't know. so i didn't get too into it. there were a few things they said that were really interesting, but a lot of it was stuff i didn't care to hear about it. and i didn't wholly agree with either andre or wally. i know this makes no sense to those of you who haven't seen the movie. oh well. i don't recommend. i'll have to see it again when i care.

listening to: throwing muses - flying

how much fun would it be to have sex in the back row of a movie theatre?

yesterday after school, katherine went with alice and elise to fly kites. i felt really bad because katherine and i were the ones who made plans to fly kites on Day. however, katherine got confused that Day was thurs, not fri, so she couldn't participate on that day. and on fri, i didn't get to see her at all, so i couldn't say "hey let's go fly kites" or "hey i'm busy today, what about tomorrow?" or anything. guilt guilt guilt. sorry, katherine. i hope you had fun.

today mom woke me up at 12 and said i sound like scarlett johansson. i actually really really love her voice, and i WISH i sounded like her. but the compliment wasn't that great because whenever i said anything, it was really painful and mom couldn't hear me and i had to say it like 5 times. mom's method of waking people up is really funny. she'll come in and sit down on my bed and not say anything like "wake up" or "good morning" or anything. she just starts to talk. "you need to put your sheets back on the bed, you're going to ruin the matress. isn't my shirt pretty? morgan and i went to that falling rivers place that used to be moodance. we got one skirt for all of us to share, and one skirt for morgan, and pants and a top for me, but nothing for you because we didn't know what you'd want. you sound like scarlett johansson. you're the only one who loves my earrings as much as me" etc.
also mom rubbed my back. her hands were very warm. it was nice. i love my mommy. the animals all followed her into my room. so irie and goddess were on the bed with us, and bonnie was rubbing her back under the bed.
i got out of bed eventually. i asked mom where dad was, to find me some medicine because he knows about those things. she said "he's working on his face right now." meaning he was shaving. HAHAHAH.

listening to: mogwai - 2 rights make 1 wrong

oh yeah, i gave brock two mixes this morning at school. i always think it's really cool when people post tracklists to mixes on their blogs, so. what a loser am i. plus i can use so that i don't repeat any of these songs on later mixes.

Maiming Binky
01) Eskimo Kisses - Elevator
02) Rainer Maria - Breakfast of Champions
03) Coheed and Cambria - Time Consumer
04) Rx Bandits - Wrong With Me
05) Gordon Gano feat. PJ Harvey - Hitting the Ground
06) Guided By Voices - Everywhere With Helicopter
07) Belly - Slow Dog
08) Pixies - Levitate Me
09) Essential Logic - Aerosol Burns
10) Luscious Jackson - Mood Swing
11) The Decemberists - Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect
12) Saves the Day - The Way His Collar Falls
13) Aimee Mann - Wise Up
14) Liz Phair - Don’t Have Time
15) Molly Angst - The First Beauty Queen
16) Fleabag - Fading Fast
17) AFI - Perfect Fit
18) X-Ray Spex - Oh Bondage Up Yours
19) Flogging Molly - Salty Dog
20) Devotchkas - Hip Hop Kids
21) Bangs - Burnout
22) Desaparecidos - Manana
23) The Peechees - The Restart
24) Tracy + the Plastics - Ooo!
25) Brassy - Work It Out
26) Gravy Train!!!! - Hella Nervous

Mrs. Putnam has the answers
01) Palomar - Slingshot
02) Badly Drawn Boy - Once Around The Block
03) The Moldy Peaches - Who’s Got The Crack
04) The Weakerthans - Aside
05) The Moves - Fucking Charming
06) Polaris - Summerbaby
07) Jeff Buckley - Mojo Pin
08) Belle and Sebastian - Don’t Leave The Light On Baby
09) The Magnetic Fields - 100,000 Fireflies
10) Chug - Flowers
11) The Mountain Goats - Jenny
12) Afghan Whigs - My Curse
13) Jets To Brazil - Starry Configurations
14) Dead Milkmen - Surfin’ Cow
15) Cursive - The Lament of Pretty Baby
16) Hedwig and the Angry Inch - Angry Inch
17) Bis - Secret Vampires
18) Gore Gore Girls - Hunt You Down
19) The Cramps - Bikini Girls With Machine Guns
20) At The Drive-In - One Armed Scissor
21) Anti-Flag - Angry Young and Poor
22) Bad Brains - Pay To Cum
23) The Hissyfits - Something Wrong
24) Bikini Kill - Rah! Rah! Replica

go on and laugh it up, motherfuckers.

neo-rancid makes me want to die.

today feels like the kind of day that i don't really want to blog about because someone else already did. ehhh. very quickly:
lauren dunn gave me a piggy-back ride after our marvelous half-day of school. i love half-days. i wish every day was a half-day. then i could love life. after that, me, brock, elizabeth, jenny, nina, melissa tuttle, lauren d, allison newman, lauren henry, becca quasney, rachel edelman, and charlie grose went to lunch at chile's. i felt loud and obnoxious but i don't mind because i always am. ahaha oh well. fuck me. there were a couple other white station parties there, as well, besdies us. after that, a bunch of people headed for the lovely midsouth fair. fuck that. rachel drove brock home so that he could work on an art assignment, and elizabeth was going to take me home (after we stopped at jenny's house) before those two headed to the fair. once we got to jenny's, she changed clothes twice and purses once, and receieved a million phone calls. because we had sat down at the table, started talking, and couldn't get up. i really like just talking, though, so i didn't mind a bit. they decided that the fair was too expensive anyway. i remembered around 4 that brock said he'd be ready to leave home around then, and that my cell phone is dead so he had no way of getting in touch with me. i called him only to find that he had gotten locked out of his house and all this crazy shit and eventually ended up at rachel's. HAAHAHAHA. but anyway, we went and picked him up, drove to paradiso the ghetto way, and saw matchstick men, which i really enjoyed. toward the end i thought i was going to hate it but i really didn't. plus i love brock movie-lovin. it feels like i've seen a lot of movies with him recently, but i might've made it up. i can't brain. after the movie, brock and i went back to my house, because elizabeth and jenny were going to the football game in fucking collierville. fuck that shit. brock tried to record his rendition of "amazing grace" but hated how it turned out.
mom rented some movies from black lodge and we started to watch this movie called "eat drink man woman" which i found really slow and not that interesting. plus it was chinese, and i was trying to eat cheese and crackers and i missed a lot of the subtitles. brock and i ended up talking through a lot of it, and eventually just went back to my room. i LOVE Windowsill Nights. we lay on the bed with our heads on the windowsill. it was really niceeee. we talked for a long time which, obviously, i loved. talking to brock always makes me really happy. we will never run out of things to say. something about the night (like last saturday, only in a different context) felt like a very sleepover night. maybe more of a sleep-over-because-i-don't-want-to-be-alone-and-i-don't-want-you-to-ever-go night, rather than last week's more of we're-so-cozy-let's-never-get-up-and-you-can-stay-here-forever night. nights nights. i love hot nights. but anyway think of how much fun that would be to have brock spend the night. aww how much fun that would be. maybe one day i can get my mom to talk to his mom, and she'll let him, and we can watch the sun come up. oh i'm melting already. don't worry, brock, it's inevitable that one day we WILL do that shit.
my voice was getting steadily sorer all night long, and at this exact moment i can barely speak above a whisper. but while brock was here, i sounded like a smoker/rockstar. i want to record myself saying/singing something but i can't think of what yet. brock got a kick out of the voice, though. i spoke in sexy french. oh dear god the suaveness of ourselves slays me.

listening to: the libertines - i get along

The rebel chick


Which girl stereotype are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

can someone explain to me what avril is doing on there? oh well this is for silliness anyway.
man i don't want to write a long post today but i feel like one is wanting to come....
i found out today that this guy tim in my latin class is in a band called copper possum, who i saw play at neil's this summer, with zoe, because her friend ben is the singer/guitarist for them. tim was announcing a show they are having on saturday, which i thought was a really cool and brave thing to do. i like that kid. i told him that i saw them this summer (bravo for me, because i usually wouldn't go out and say something like that to someone i don't know). he was like "really?" pause. "OH YEAH YOU WERE WITH WHATS-HER-NAME!" i think this is very funny. he probably remembered the crazy girl dancing like a motherfucker. but what the hell, there was a jam band playing and no one else dancing, what was i supposed to do? sit there like a lump on a bumpy ass? of course not. and anyway, joe whats his name and paul warner gave me really funny looks. anything is worth that shit.
rest of the school day was okay. nothing too exciting, nothing too awful. i presented my project in english, and i felt the bigges RELIEF when it was over. i haven't had to do a project that i was actually worried about my grade on in a long time. what's funny is that i knew i had gone over the time limit and everything, and that she hated my visual, and that i can't public speak for ass, but i just couldn't care. i still feel really good.
brock and i got to talk before 4th period, which was really nice. to me, just getting to have little moments with people through the day is so refreshing. and becca walked a different route to 4th period so that she could run into me (and be late) to give me a note. it was very happy, i enjoyed it thoroughly but forgot to tell her so.
after school, we'd planned on having DAY which i was very excited about. there were some complications, however. katherine hadn't realized that i'd been talking about TODAY for Day, so she couldn't come. becca had to go home after school to get her guitar and stuff, and kevin was supposed to bring her and laylee to my house right after. when kevin got home, he found out about a dentist appointment he had, so laylee, becca, and kevin didn't get to my house until 7 or so. brock, of course, did get to come to my house straight after school and we got to just hang out and it was really really nice. we filmed him beating up a dragon (ish. ahahaha.) and dancing around and everything was great. oh there was one really great moment (there were probably a few but i've forgotten the others) when we were burning the fiona apple cd for him. i told him to listen to "the first taste," that he'd love it, and i left the room to find a liz phair cd. i couldn't find it, and started to return from the fruitless venture when i heard this bloodcurdling scream. then "YOU KNOW ME SO WELL!" we had one of our many suave moments where i ran in and hugged him sitting in the swivel chair and we nearly collapsed onto the floor. it was glorious. man tonight was great.
there was a really awkward moment when elise called and made a seriously creepy comment about me and brock. shudder.
so later on, becca and kevin played becca's 2 new songs for us, and we recorded one. (LISTEN TO IT HERE!) the songs are AMAZING. we ended up going to open-mic, where elise, margaret, katherine w, and daniell also were. aside from daniel, tilden, paul lynch, and the beard guy, tonight's crowd was completely unknown to me. this group of people took turns reading about 30 shel silverstein poems. sorry, but i wanted to kill myself. he's not that great. and, sorry, but you're not 7. elise read only one poem. she hasn't been posting lately on DOY, so i hadn't heard it before. becca and kevin played the 2 songs. something happened to "paper hearts" which felt very off, and it was really different from when they played it here. but i'm in LOVE with "hollywood revenge" and not just because becca used something i said for one of the lines. and fucking yay for that, god damn it! i'm really proud of becca. she's too amazing. the night was absolutely great except for that elise was really getting on my nerves. and we barely even said 2 words to each other all night. shit i said i didn't want to go into detail about tonight. oh well. trust me, there were some reeeeeally nice moments. but what can i say? i planned to get some sleep tonight, and i just now finished eating my dinner of granola slimfast bar. life is good.

listening to: the moldy peaches - who's got the crack?

what a rollercoaster pathetic excuse for a day i've had. i was up till almost 4am doing projects and various homework. the first part of the day (homeroom, chemistry) was awful, because i was dreading the presentation of my benjamin franklin english project. for some reason i had had my heart SET on not presenting today (i don't know what difference it's supposed to make) but allison told me before school that my name was on the list to present today, and i flipped. so i went into english consumed with dread, only to be told by allison first thing that my name was moved to tomorrow. hooray! i hugged allison. i never hug allison, i only hit her. so that was strange. but i rejoiced all through everyone else's projects. sean dressed up as squanto aka THE VILLAGE PEOPLE and had a hot-pink poster board. the kid is in denial. oh well. i am glad to have time to fix up my visual and some of my notes tonight. (like that's going to happen.) then i had study hall, and i did most of my math homework from last night, and read the chapter for history and highlighted and underlined and practised good-studenting. then i went to latin which was a joke as usual. we had a quiz that was supposed to be an easy grade -- open notes and everything. too bad i had no idea what half the answers were. ah well. then lunch was very nice today. allison, katie, and elizabeth had our lunch because of testing. yayyy. brock fed me cheese and crackers. hoorah, ho. then i ventured to history. being myself, i NEVER ask about "what do we do in such and such a class today?" i don't know, maybe i should start. history was horrifying. we were supposed to have a test on the chapter, but instead we had a group discussion thing. it was AWFUL. i didn't have anything to say, so i didn't. and even if i had i wouldn't have said anything. but in the middle of it, mrs. ervin called on me. she didn't even ask me a question, she just said "alanna." like a command, like i have a brain. that bitch. so i stuttered out something really pathetic and stared at my paper for the rest of the period. afterwards, ms. ervin had to have a talk with me and everything, and tell me how much i suck and i'm going to die. it was awful. i wrote a poem, but it sucks. anyway, after that i had algebra which was pretty shitty too. we have a test tomorrow which i'm going to fucking fail. oh well. after school i was still really upset... everyone was nice to me about it though. i got a long hug from margaret, which was special because she understands how evil ms. ervin is and the act of nearly crying in front of that heartless bitch. god damn. and she also has fear of public speaking, but she doesn't lose her brain the way that i do, when she is called on. robin did the robin thing, and asked details, and talked about how pointless discussions are, and made me feel a little better. fucking ronald wash nearly murdered me with his always being around and killing my soul. fuck that kid. watch your back, ronald. but laylee and becca noticed that i was upset after school when they were pixies-ing and i wasn't responding right. they were very them and hugged me lots and were sweet. brock was brock and made me relate the event and ugh. he doesnt think he's good with comforting but he is. it was nice. after that, everyone else had run off so brock and i sat on the bricks for a while and talked. it was nice. i like his clam, no matter what he says. a while after i'd been at home, he called and we talked on the phone for a long while. it was really nice, because i haven't been able to breathe like that on a weekday for a while. it was great, as talking to him always is. it's so good to just brock ramble. and he keeps me mildly on topic. it's funny. right now i'm trying to eat pizza but my teeth hurt like a motherfucker.
i am really excited about Day tomorrow! at the start of the year, becca, brock, and i decided we should have one day a week where we hang out after school, as a breather. we did it once, and have had conflicts ever since. so i'm REALLY excited that it's going to happen this week. plus friday is a half-day, which i even better. what a great way to end Week Of Hell. i can't wait until 2:15 tomorrow.

listening to: the mountain goats - see america right

stay on your guard, matees.
friday is coming

caribou... REPENT! REPENT!

today is ick day. i am avoiding homework, but what else is new? visited one danny weiss this afternoon. for a fucking hour. bastard othrodontist thinks he is too good for me. i'll show him who's boss. who's got the money around here.
one day i'll bite that fucker's hand off.
bad news is that i still have another fucking tooth to come in. what a bitch. i have like 3 teeth anyway, come the fuck on. how much can i ask?
good news is that he kept talking about my braces maybe coming off one day. (this time he estimated that i'd get them off when i turn 36! yes! last time it was 50... i'm so excited.)

i have lots of bullshit to do tonight, lots of projects due this week. eww. well at least it's tuesday, not monday. i plan to Day on thurs this week, so if anyone of you kiddies would like to come along, please feel free. i want to make a party out of it. and if thursday is shit, we can go for tomorrow. just get me out of here for a little while. i should go do some shit, i guess. (you know i never will. okay. not never, unless 5am is the end of the world.)

listening to: pixies - vamos
(as stated previously, i CANNOT stop listening to the pixies. because you know. that maid maria, she is real okay.)

don't know why i'm blogging. i have a shitload of work to do tonight and i have to leave for the therapist soon. okay. right now. nevermind.

HOLY GODS I LOVE THE PIXIES.
I CAN'T STOP LISTENING.
someone please come listen to them with me one day this week. because i can't keep quiet about how great they are. someone needs to know.

i fell asleep snuggling a cow.