how i felt the past few days

7:7:05 09:45 PM

new orleans, baby.

REFUGE protest

this morning we protested outside of a place called Refuge, organzed by a group called Love In Action. we're going back every day this week and every day next week, and you should join us. for more information, morgan jon fox's livejournal is all you need. please help! if you want to get email updates, just send a message to cale at boylikeme@gmail.com.
and watch us on the news tonight!!!!

celebration

to celebrate the recent purchase of the life aquatic by the stewart-jacobs family, we will be conducting a wes anderson night. it will take place either at lauren henry's house or my own humble abode. we own the royal tennenbaums and the life aquatic on dvd and rushmore on tape, but if you can bring that or bottle rocket on dvd, we would be much obliged. let me know if you're interested in coming.
p.s. earlier this year, meg and i wanted to have this same party and serve food that's eaten in wes anderson movies. i was sitting here thinking and i have fucking clue what gets eaten in wes anderson movies. any clues?

it's time to love your monkey

mix made for me by brandon. just got it in the mail, and i'm posting the track list for easy access. you don't have to pay attention.

01) dave dean - ???
02) eagles of death metal - bad dream mama
03) ???
04) ian dury and the blockheads - you're more than fair
05) bob marley - nice time
06) the beatles - i will
07) kimya dawson - you love me
08) liliput - you did it
09) of montreal - so begins our alabee
10) clinic - come into our room
11) the flaming lips - take meta mars
12) iggy pop - the passenger
13) sleater-kinney - i wanna be yr joey ramone
14) throwing muses - him dancing
15) richard hell and the voidoids - i'm your man
16) al green - let's stay together
17) t. rex - mambo sun
18) the moldy peaches - jorge regula
19) matty popchart - ???
20) devendra banhart - the electric heart

show on friday may 6!

SCANDALIZ VANDALISTZ and LIGHTAJO live at the Full Moon Club (upstairs of Zinnie's East at 1718 Madison Ave)
visit our myspace pages to hear what we sound like:
Scandaliz Vandalistz
Lightajo
Doors open at 8
Music at 8:30
Support Memphis music!!

you might even see a murder

well, everyone, the year will soon be closing, and before it does i have to make the LAST CALL FOR CD SWAP. it's doing really well. check it. now, there are some of you who said you'd participate but never turned in a list of what you've got. if you're still up for it, i want it now!! for those of you who think that what you've got isn't anything amazing, seriously. let us be the judge of that. plus it helps to have duplicates so one person doesn't end up with a huge burden (like me. ahahah.) so please reconsider playing with us, and DO IT UP, BABY.
email me your list. yes.

listening to: marcy playground - the vampires of new york

i ain't had much to live for...

yesterday was the greatest:

• music videos
  
• clickity clank and rooftop workers
  
• walk to Sonic
  
• toaster sandwich! (makes any day worth living)
  
• coin change at Kroger
  
• sidewalk chalk attack!
  
• good deed at the gas station (i turned in a purse i found in the bathroom)
  
• talked to a very interesting schizophrenic woman
  
• coke icee all the way
  
• drive to and escape from Cordova
  
• Shelby Farms swings (spider, baby.)
  
• see. saw. panties.
  
• return to home base for the missing pieces (bass guitar)
  
• drive through Overton to ogle at stoners
  
• grassy Starbucks knoll
  
• howard vance drop-off
  
• quick gas station stop for sodas and candy
  
• am i a celebrity or something?
  
• sneak into the cemetary (very inconspicuous)
  
• art critique of jesus's life and bling cave
  
• crystal shrine grotto debasement
  
• discussion of the credibility and vitality of the tree bench
  
• jesus's life is even better a second time
  
• wander through the mausoleum (there was a body out)
  
• hide and seek
  
• play around on the top of mausoleum (it is a hill)
  
• modeling sessions
  
• rooftop scene scouting
  
• cordova attack!
  
• Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and too much popcorn
  
• nachoooooos
  
• i love lauren and john

WHY IS THIS WEEK SO LONG?

listening to: violent femmes - gimme the car

days gone by

this picture is the proof that i belong in new orleans:

Originally uploaded by PickMeRalph.

i honestly can't believe this was only TWO AND A HALF weeks ago. it feels like forever.

over the brainless chattering null set

friday's hamlet screening preview was a technical nightmare. but everyone still managed to have fun. thanks to each of the kids who came over to my house afterwards. although you were an awkward grouping, it was good times and i like all of you.
saturday involved rehearsal, dinner with some of my favorite people at memphis pizza cafe, and random time spent in houses. 3 and a half hours of music video watching. 16 D batteries. and a BIG FUCKIN ROACH. WITH BIG FUCKIN WINGS. at that point, you know you must go to bed.
today was (unconsciously) feminist activism day. who fucking knew? it was only spring, we were only aiming to have a good time. honking horns weren't the aim of short strappy dresses... although, admittedly, the strange eye make up did get its fair share of stares from the people of otherlands, java cabana, young avenue deli, wild oats, home depot, our own voice theatre troupe, and chuck munter. when kimberly said, "is this supposed to be some sort of feminist statement?" we took a moment to look down at our rather exposing outfits. woopsy daisy!! i'm innocent, i swear.

listening to: 50 foot wave - pneuma

apologies all.

HAMLET TONIGHT 7PM
MEDIA CO-OP

after today, my aquarian brain will be clear! goodbye, neptune. let's have an unclouding. bring your coursebooks, decline letters, anything pertaining to this whole college mess... we will get excited!

it brought peace to my mind in the summertime

yesterday was completely awesome!!!!!!!! WEVL went really well. i just listened to the tape my parents made, and we sounded really good. i'm pretty irritating when i speak, but whatever. we kept giggling like the wholesome kiddies we are. i think a lot of people heard it, though. (did you? please let us know! we grow curiouser and curiouser.) the people were so sweet, and took pictures for us. they're going to send as a CD copy of the show too, which i may be able to turn into mp3s. rawk.

Scandaliz Vandalistz and Rebecca at WEVL
Originally uploaded by elevatorlady.

after that, we wandered around South Main and ate at a sports bar called The Green Beetle. ahhaha.
we got to Jay Etkin Gallery around 6:15 to set up and watch people arrive. we made silly artwork, listened to the drum circle, and greeted guests. we played at 8:30 and our set lasted longer than we expected! impressive. the crowd was really receptive and awesome. (by the way, if anyone has comments about the set or pictures to share, please email them to scandalizvandalistz@gmail.com.) the whole fundraiser was awesome and we raised over $1,000. i'm really proud of SV for being so great and OOV for getting so many people downtown. thanks so much, everyone who came. and special thanks to those of you who bought the silly art in the auction... you're awesome. the other two bands who played were equally great. Lightajo, zak's new band, asked us to play another show with them sometime, and Cale LeFevre played some really beautiful songs. again... thanks thanks thanks. you're all great

listening to: jane's addiction - summertime rolls

like a dog whistle

okay, listen up. i know we've been plugging it all week (longer?) but now you have to listen for real!
without cancelling all your plans for the day, you need to find a way to 1) find a radio at 4:30 and 2) find yourself downtown at 8:30.
Scandaliz Vandalistz will be playing LIVE on WEVL 89.9 today some time around 4:30, on the Pajama Party show, so please tune in to hear a couple songs and a little interview. After that, you've got a few hours (doors open at 7) to get ready, scrounge up some dollars, and somehow get downtown where you will find a parking space and head for 409 South Main St. There, you will pay the malleable admission fee (aim for $10) and enter the wonderful world of free food, improv games, art activities, and live music provided by Lightajo, Cale LeFevre, and your favorite lovably crappy band, SV. You will have a good time. You will be glad you came. You will be supporting Memphis artists and you will feel good about yourself. Just think: because of your attendance at one show, Our Own Voice Theatre Troupe will be closer to their goal of being able to attend a Mindfreedom conference in Washington, D.C. that is going to cost lots and lots of money for the travel expenses of a whole group of people. They're not aiming to make a profit, and they deserve to be given the contents of your pockets.

listening to: scandaliz vandalistz - long dog
(yes, it's a new song. now don't you want to hear it? better turn out tonight, bitches!)

no snow, no rain -- how do you expect to keep this place clean?

i shouldn't be online anymore. but i'm still giddy and wahahaha. scandaliz vandalistz are doing so well! i'm very proud of our write-up in the paper, our upcoming gigs, and even all our myspace friends. truly, this is a great time for SV.
and also a great time for Do You Know Where Your Children Are? Productions, if i do say so myself. we're still working on coming up with a big ole dvd and are hoping to have the hamlet premiere this weekend or next weekend... whatever ends up happening when we talk to mr. foxy. katherine and i had been planning to do a little more editing before we opened the gates of hamlet to the world, but what with our stunning ratings with the screen audience (plus the fact that brandon has watched the thing three times within the past 24 hours) i think it's safe to go ahead with this version. maybe fix up the bloopers and whatnot. but you get the idea.
anyway i'm very proud of my little hatchlings. and oh, how i hate physics homework. especially when it's late and i already took the test on the material today. apowighepoawhgopawhe

listening to: 50 foot wave - golden ocean

the streets are strangely quiet

after a bunch of school work, a terrible talent show, and phone calls from the press last week, i cut school on friday to drive to new orleans with my mother. i got to hang out with brandon on friday and saturday evenings, and most of the day saturday was designated to the loyola open house. i love the school, and being there was really nice. especially since i had zoe to tag along with! hooray. it was a really long couple of days. i love the city of new orleans and brandon's friends and stuff. i wish i had more to say but i'm drained and tired. i have been in a really good mood, i hope it stays that way.

listening to: of montreal - oslo in the summertime

so so serious

love mix made for me by brandon. he gave it to me when i was in new orleans, and i'm posting the track list for easy access. you don't have to pay attention.

01) tracy + the plastics - big stereo
02) the postal service - such great heights
03) the beatles - don't pass me by
04) the white stripes - i'm finding it harder to be a gentleman
05) modest mouse - alone down there
06) throwing muses - call me
07) beck - painted eyelids
08) jonathan richman - a higher power
09) björk - generous palmstroke
10) pixies - hey
11) interpol - NARC
12) jay-z - allure
13) bob marley - guava jelly
14) jane's addiction - summertime rolls
15) jimi hendrix - come on
16) iggy pop - no fun
17) modest mouse - trailer trash
18) the donner party - we cannot be happy

alone, i emplore ya

today i got my rejection letter from oberlin. YES!!!!!!!!
not really. but it's a little refreshing to get a rejection letter. mostly because it's from somewhere i didn't really have the money for (or the energy for) in the first place. it just helps me out. i actually remember worrying, months ago, what would happen if i got in there. how could i refuse the honor? well thank god there's no honor. but more importantly, i'm really sad that katherine didn't get accepted to the conservatory. although she did get into the regular college, the music part is the harder part. she probably doesn't want me announcing it on my blog, but nobody reads this anyway. and sometimes it's sort of easier to say it in these kinds of ways rather than having to say it yourself. i hope she still goes to oberlin, because it is perfect for her.
in other news, i'm trying to write some lyrics for a new scandaliz vandalistz song. well technically i'm trying to write some lyrics to match an old tune katherine wrote, but i don't know if it's going to work out. i chose a weird, silly day to do it so i'm getting a weird, silly song. not that SV isn't that, but it's not really going in the direction i hoped.
BUT! i made my first gig booking as the scandaliz vandalistz manager. not a really big deal, but i did it up. everybody better come see us at the our own voice fundraiser on april 9! more details later.
everyone be sure to come to the pro bono battle of the bands meeting tomorrow. if not enough people show up, we can't get organized, and if we can't get organized, then we aren't going to get to have one this year... and you know you wanna see SV do it up on stage in our final year. come on, pro boners!

listening to: pj harvey - i think i'm a mother

our slate is clean, say what you mean

thursday was sara's party. it was very good fun. i danced a lot and stayed up too late, but did not get kissed.
friday, dad picked us up and dropped me off at LA's house where we separated into two cars and scuttled our way to helena, arkansas. good times were had by all. i hope.
that night was the hamlet preview. people laughed, which is a good thing. we read up on our horoscopes. aquarius kicks the shit out of your sign.
saturday was mostly made for dawdling. alice and LA randomly showed up, and once brock arrived, we watched "toys." LA went to get laylee, and after the movie, we ate a expensively scrumptious meal at india palace. laylee, you are so right about that rice. then we rented "a midsummer night's rave" which was probably the worst movie ever. i love bad movies, but is anyone going to pay me back for that thing?
today mom made morgan and i dress up like easter eggs for our easter dinner, featuring steak and candlelight. it made me want to go vegetarian. i love the bread group. then i had to go to the joni dark rehearsal to be on book and cover eileen's lines. which are all my old lines. everyone should go to see it this weekend at u of m.
scandaliz vandalistz has gotten lots of fan mail lately. we are so loved. someone from WEVL played our song for beifuss himself, and he liked it! he now has his own copy. life continues to be grand...
every cd i've bought lately is completely awesome. as far as i know.

listening to: the thermals - our trip

hayden played "hey mr. beifuss" on WEVL today. yeah baby. now i'm a rock n roll star.

KATHERINE HAS BEEN HERE (BASICALLY) SINCE THURSDAY AFTERNOON WHEN I GOT BACK FROM ASHEVILLE. WE HAVE BEEN SITTING HERE (BASICALLY) THE WHOLE TIME. WE HAVE BEEN EDITING HAMLET, NO FUCKING JOKE. I'M GOING CRAZY.

got back home yesterday afternoon. then katherine came over to edit. she spent the night and we just woke up. i'm starving!

asheville is great and warren wilson is beautiful!!

stayed here a thousand years

i'm definitely on my laptop in our lovely holiday inn hotel. this is super hott. i've got a free piece of coffee and a cookie and i'm about to edit some hambone while mom takes a nap before we go to dinner. asheville (the surrounding area, anyway) is so beautiful.. filled with green mountains and sweet air. it's not even that cold, even though the forecast is evil for tomorrow. mom and i were expecting much worse. i just talked to brandon on the phone for a few minutes, which was nice. i lay in the bathtub and accidentally turned the faucet on with my feet once or twice. woops. now i'm wet. ho ho ho.
did you know how many great songs there are about supermarkets? it's amazing.

listening to: salvador deli - grocery

strong women gripe and bite your heavy tongues

i recommend that everyone definitely go see "robots" not only because it is a funny little movie, but because william joyce (one of my favorite illustrators as a child) designed it. and it is sooooo amazing. not only does it look just like one of his paintings, but the animation is also really good. the quality of his work doesn't get lost in the translation, which is so great. it's really inventive. and made me happy. so see it.
today is nutty. i don't know where it went.... LA spent the night last night. we had the weirdest triple feature of all time: kill bill vol. 2, boys don't cry, and high times' potluck. WHAT THE FUCK!? we ate three-cheese bagel bites, gushers, circus peanuts, and cherry coke. it was gruesome and phenomenal. we spooned our way into sleep and she left early this morning. at which point mom decided we were going to wait until tomorrow to leave for asheville, because she was stressed out. which is probably good since i hadn't gotten anything done on that writing scholarship mess and 905723 other things. which i guess i should continue to work on right now. if you have any last minute helpful hints, let me know. but no one is really around so. fuck ya.

listening to: 50 foot wave - clara bow

as high as she pulls her hat down low

THIS IS A HOSTAGE SITUATION


listening to: belly - thief

There are two muffins baking in an oven, and the first muffin says, “Oh my god, we’re in an oven!” and the second muffin says, “Oh my god, a talking muffin!”

i need your lovin like the sunshine

this week has been INSANE. i don't even know how to describe it. katherine and i have been shooting and editing hamlet all week. thank you thank you to everyone who was in it or put up with us laughing about meat puns or let us film in their grocery store.... we love you to death and we're eternally indebted. we shot the last scene on thursday night, and actually stayed home on wednesday to edit, although we only got one or two scenes done during the day. then we ran into some really horrible computer problems and so everything became a lot more difficult to finish. katherine talked to ms. wyatt, who was very sympathetic and asked us to just turn in the script for now. we're going to work madly to finish over break. mom and i are leaving tomorrow or monday (we're very unorganized) to visit warren wilson college, which i got an acceptance email from last saturday. it was very nice and totally personal. they are very nice. i need to enter their creative writing scholarship too so i need to get some things together... any suggies? (help!) i guess i will take my laptop and the Jerry harddrive with me on our trip and edit in the hotel room... katherine left for oberlin on friday morning. i hope everything is going well for her! she emailed me last night and sounded very happy. everything will be perfect, i know i know.
last night morgan finally had her star wars party with eileen, sara foot, lena, mouse, emma, bekka, and newman. great times were had by all. lots of nutso cookies were consumed. and robin's eggs. mmmm. i had my first ever cherry vanilla dr. pepper or some craziness. the original is definitely better.
i just ordered a bunch of shit from amazon. i am the awesome. everything is nuts. i should run away.

listening to: the korgis - everybody's got to learn sometime

under the bullshit radar, i came to find you

today at school was not bad. i just read our beautiful hamlet script in every class and tried really hard to de-nervous-y myself by starting a shooting schedule, listing names of groceries, and even editing the script a little bit. i don't think my small changes will make it even as far as the set, but it was comforting to do. so after school, katherine went home to get her aprons and came back to school at 3:10. hamlet, morgan, sallis, and i piled into her car and drove directly across the street to shnuck's. we got all decked out in the parking lot and made all these preparations for like half an hour. we finally went in and decided the place is hideous. we split and ran to super-lo. we actually decided to ask if we could film there ("it's a school project!") but they have some weird legal issues with it in case one of us gets hurt...? so we went to the piggly wiggly by LA's house. we were going to go to the big star, but sallis couldn't find it. and this piggly wiggly turned out so beautifully.... it was pretty amazing. all the people there (employees and customers alike) were really sweet to us. some guys stacking potatoes even wanted to be in it. but they runnoft. unfortunately it took us a really long time to get to our perfect location, but once we were there, everything was smooth sailing. i was kind of upset that we didn't even get an entire scene shot, because morgan had to be home by 5:30 so she could get ready for eileen's birthday. it sucks that these things had to be on the same night, but ah, such is the life. she and newman left for the party, and katherine and i had dinner at young avenue deli. i'd eaten a lard cookie, so i didn't enjoy my food as much as i should have. but you know. we had a really great conversation. i guess we must've been there a long time... who can say? we got home and worked from about 8:30 to 12:30 straight. as i've said before, katherine and i work well together because we're both perfectionists and good at compromise. that's what makes everything ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT. it's pretty terrifying that it took so long to edit just three pieces of scenes, though. i'm pretty worried. but as long as we can stick to our new shooting schedule, i can maybe do some of the editing on my own while katherine toots her horn next week. we'll see. i'm still really nervous though. we're going to try and do the whole thing at that one store, which we weren't considering doing before. i hope it works out. we will give them a copy when it's done.
tomorrow's (incredibly rough) schedule:
11am -- scene 1 and 2 (newman, alanna)
12pm -- scene 6 (newman, alanna, katherine)
1pm -- scene 11 (newman, alanna, katherine)
2pm -- scene 3 (sallis, mr. dohan, morgan)
3pm -- scene 9 (newman, alanna, mr. dohan)
4pm -- scene 4 (newman, alanna, mr. dohan, morgan)
5pm -- scenes 10 and 12 (morgan)
that will all change tomorrow, i can tell you that much. but if you're on the list, could you please show up? thanks. we'll call if we're crazy behind. but hopefully we'll have a lot of time to run around and shoot all the extra stuff that's not really included on the schedule. i'm PRETTY DAMN WORRIED. the more i think about it, the worse it gets. so i guess i should set my alarm clock for 8:30 and get to bed. sigh.


listening to: kristin hersh - deep wilson

can i sleep in your shadow?

what a long night. katherine and i started writing the rest of "hamlet" over the phone at probably about 8:30. maybe 8? it is now 2:15. i am going to go to sleep without opening my backpack, i believe. what's the point anymore, anyway? obviously this english project is ruling my life. obviously 50 points for a project grade is HUGE compared to every other class i'm taking and tests and assignments. i life in their faces. ho ho ho i laugh at you! i'm going nuts. i haven't been up this late on a school night in quite a while. fuck. well hamlet is brilliant, anyway. if you want to read it, let us know. i hope it all translates well to film. it would if we had more time and better resources, but... i love bootleg, so. it's going to be awesome. if you are newman, sallis, brock, morgan, or my parents, we need you for as much time as you can spare tomorrow and saturday. PLEASE. we're buying all the food, how could you possibly say no?
lauren dunn's birthday party is saturday night. i can't wait.

listening to: nedelle - the natural night

i LOVE love songs.

you bought a new bag of pot
so let's make a new start
and that's the way to my heart
(hand claps)

listening to: spoon - the way we get by

wake up early and you live to regret it

just got home from the factory (i.e. just got off the phone with katherine from writing two grueling scenes of hamlet) and this little head is aching for the pillow. unfortunately i still have to finish reading Heart of Darkness and... oh, i don't know, doing god knows what. whatever it is that i do that makes it impossible for me to get to sleep on time. how does it get so late these days?

listening to: modest mouse & 764-hero - whenever you see fit

i can't consider

i feel like hell. i stayed home again today, and i'm glad i did. i don't have anything to say except for that i had a good weekend until about 7:30 last night at which point my stomach became my enemy. i got in bed and couldn't fall asleep until like 11 or so. and then i slept badly all night. i'm very sick. i hate life.

listening to: interpol - PDA

sprint across the wire

i love kristin hersh. i love music. i love life.
isn't this the coolest thing ever created? someone should buy it for me. or at least contribute a dollar to the why-the-fuck-is-it-all-the-way-in-london fund.
i know i asked already but has anyone thought of a book to start off the book club with? katherine sort of suggested the bell jar, but obviously i finished that. i'm really restless and am in no hurry to read chapter 7 of the ap psych book. i feel like there's a thousand things i should've been doing today. usually if you're absent for two days in a row you have a bit of make up work. but my assignbook is sickeningly (gloriously) empty. ah well. i was so bored in school today, i almost shot my face open. the past week i'd been reading every chance i got and today i felt tired and dead. and sick. i forgot to take my day-quil, which was a bad move.
i got invited to another pono party tomorrow night. i don't have anything to wear though, so i might not be able to go.
i know this is weird of me to be asking, in a way, but is anyone going to bonnaroo? i might actually go.... seriously.
brandon saw modest mouse on sunday. he shook isaac's hand. tomorrow he is seeing blonde redhead and interpol. we aren't on speaking terms.

listening to: 50 foot wave - your ghost

it's safe to say

yesterday i stayed home again. i was so bored, i read the entirety of "the bell jar." i hate being so critical, but i was admittedly pretty disappointed. anyone care to discuss? please say yes before i forget the whole thing.
katherine (dohan) called and invited me to dinner with her and katherine (warren) at pho saigon. i had some lovely soup and we tried to think of things to do for the "hamlet" parody. it was going badly. we went to ck's for coffee and cloves. i somehow came up with the concept of setting the whole film in a grocery store, which katherine latched onto as genius. well i sure hope it is genius, because i'd like to do a good job with this movie. anyway, i was so proud, i ordered another coffee and a grilled cheese to fuel my brain. now we are on a roll. i'm worried, though, because katherine is leaving for st. olaf tomorrow and will be leaving for oberlin a couple days before hte project is due. so we have to finish early and i don't know. i hope we survive.
today i went back to school. i was really dreading it, having not gone to school in almost a week. but it was okay.
i've got no plans whatsoever for the weekend. oh yeah, pink floyd light show on saturday night. the last one ever in memphis, run by our own brett hanover. we've all gotta go. tomorrow is senior out to lunch. i think we're going to quizno's, then gibson's. i'm excited. although i'd rather go to young avenue deli. anyone want to venture over there with me sometime soon? say yes.
my report card is surprisingly good. isn't that hysterical? i'm about to go to baskin robbins with mom and morgan. weeooo!

listening to: sonic youth - candle

ain't got no use for your red apple juice

i feel like crap. i'm trying to eat pizza and drink chamomile tea. you'd think this would be a disgusting combination, but it doesn't really taste like anything so i'm not minding. today i felt like crap. my head is clouded up and i can't think. i hope to be better soon. fuck this shit.

listening to: the be good tanyas - rain and snow

take your aim, hit your mark

yet again, i apologize for not blogging in so long. more than a week. geez. i wonder why i try. this week was okay, i guess? monday was valentine's day and therapy. after school on tuesday, margaret, brock, and i hung out at the vintage mcdonald's and marquette park. on wednesday brock and i had chai at starbucks. thursday was solely dedicated to making an interrobang video with katherine, brock, and brett; i didn't get started on my homework until really late, and after a call from william, i gave up. friday, our video didn't even get shown. after school, a strange group consisting of me, brock, brett, LA, john r, and elise (?) went to get hawaian shaved ice and spent forever doing nothing in the parking lot. the core four took a mini road trip to rossville. not exactly houston, but it was good times. we walked around a bit before breaking into this abandoned building that was at one point a school, then something like storage for a bunch of bikes and motorcycles. the most recent stuff in there were all these huge garbage bags filled with crushed soda cans. we found a lot of really cool shit, and everybody brought a little something home. i snagged a little box thing and a very cool motorcycle helmet. we got some records, letters, photos, signs, etc. we walked down a little nature trail by the wolf river until it got dark. we wanted to eat dinner at the wolf river cafe but the whole damn town was there, and we would've had to wait an hour to eat, and we didn't really have enough money. we drove a little bit out of the town and lay on a sleeping back looking at stars. my mom called and told me that she was with our cat grandpa at the vet. he'd had a liver failure and had, apparently for a while now, some kind of kidney cancer. it was so surprising, so sudden. he was such a sweet cat, huge, and with the loudest purr i've ever heard. perfect for us when we were in third grade, and carried him around in ways no other cat would allow. brittany, morgan, and i loved him because he would run to us when we snapped our fingers (brittany named him Snapper). when we found him, i secretly hoped he was pregnant. the cat we were never supposed to own. we felt sorry for him because his family moved away and didn't take him with them. we started feeding him, took him into our home in the winter, moved to this house with him. morgan and i attributed his laziness (he would recline on the kitchen floor, and pull little food bits out of his bowl onto the floor next to his mouth, and basically inhale them) to his late night adventures. who knows what went on in house basements, in bushes, under the light of streetlamps? he'd take his time coming home, and sit on the window sill meowing until someone opened the door and fed him. he had this look that he was constantly bored, above all of us, but humored us all the same. he was a fox. he got high on catnip and didn't come down from the top of the kitty condo for hours. mom says he was younger than i had calculated... only 9 or 10, although it's all speculative. there's no one who disliked that cat. i hope his life with us was happy. i hope he wasn't angry with us for not noticing his pain or for putting him to sleep on friday night. our other cat has barely left my side since then. she's fairly perceptive, and i think she knew immediately that grandpa was not going to come home. now she doesn't have a bathing buddy or a friend to venture out onto the backyard with. i hadn't really seen much of him lately, but now that i think about it, he hadn't been very active. i wonder if something could've happened differently if we'd noticed sooner. not that we could have afforded it. but maybe he preferred it this way, staying at home with his family until the end.
i debated going home after mom called me, but there was nothing i could really do there except be sad. so i tried not to think about it too much while we ate dinner at popeye's and then watched ferngully at LA's house. we had a short and disconnected conversation about philosophy. LA drove me home around 11:30. i went straight to bed. i woke up on saturday around 10 with my cat at the foot of the bed. mom and i spent a little while talking on the couch. i love my mom. we are very similar. she took me and lauren to see bad education, where brock also met us. it was a great movie and i recommend that you go out to see it if you get a chance. morgan fox had been in the theatre and we said hello briefly. he's a really nice man. we should take "much finer" to him soon, i think. mom drove lauren home, and we stopped by raffe's deli to buy some hommus. we tried to rent the motorcycle diaries, as we are both in love with gael garcia however you say it, but it was out at blockbuster. so we came home, ordered camy's pizza, and watched the discreet charm of the bourgeoisie which mom had given too me for valentine's day. it was funny and strange. mom got in bed to read, and, even though it was really early, i accidentally fell asleep next to her. i was woken up when morgan and dad got home from the play, and i was really tired so i went and got in my own bed. after that, it took me a really long time to fall back asleep. i should've taken some nyquil. my cold has been getting unfortunately worse. i guess i fell asleep at some point because i was awoken when my phone started ringing. LA called asking if she and john could come over and borrow a movie. they arrived a few minutes later, and i tried to help them find something. i hope they had a good night with memento, junior, and both bill and ted movies. i went back to bed after they left but stayed awake forever. sunday i woke up before 10 somehow, feeling more sick. made chai for morgan and i, to soothe our throats, and watched the newsies with her and mom. i sat around reading and eating hommus for a while, then took a nap for something like three hours. when i woke up i felt miserable and looked around for something to eat, but to no avail. eventually i had some reheated pizza and a vanilla coke. brock and sallis arrived at the same time to watch adapatation. has anyone seen that? want to talk about it? sallis and brock didn't see it the same way i did. i suck at movies, though. they went home at the same time. morgan and i sat in the kitchen eating thin mints while i heated up a cup of the chai that i made way too much on accident. she and i talked for a really long time into the night. we always get worked up if we talk for too long. we went to bed eventually. i was woken up abrutly, early this morning (before 8 haha) by a thunderstorm. i hate thunder. it really scares me and makes me feel like a little kid. i realized as i woke up a little more than i couldn't really breathe through my nose, and that my ceiling was dripping a little puddle of water. the drip only lasted for a few minutes, thank god, and not for the whole storm. how weird though. i got up and finished reading "the funnies" which is a book brandon gave me for christmas. it was really good. now i can't wait to start the book club!! does anyone have any suggestions for what we start off with? the tentative reading list includes the bell jar, the fountainhead, east of eden, the rainbow, franny and zooey, and brave new world. the members (whoever they turn out to be) will take turns picking the book, and my mom is going to mediate the discussions. i am very very excited. don't fuck up! right now i should probably be doing homework or something.

listening to: cerveris - SPCA

stick it to the m-a-n, man

anyone want to drive to houston to see modest mouse on the three-day weekend? of course you do. now if you WILL, it's another story. ho hum. i tried. had a nice weekend. a lot of at-home time that didn't bother me. i got a lovely knit hat from brittany in the mail. what a great birthday present! it's so soft and nice. friday was a half day. i learned a LOT sitting in the gym while the beauty pageant happened on the other side of the school. puhlease. i can't say enough about how much i hate that bullshit. so brock and i people-watched (trevor, where are you?) until jeff wagner introduced himself to us. after school, sallis, katherine, brett, eileen, lena, and i went to (east) memphis pizza cafe. i love that shit. then sallis, brett, and i had milkshakes at java. mine was cinnamon and, of course, glorious. then sallis took me home and i sat around. brett showed up at our house right before we left for the play. i got a chai at starbucks. mom got coffee so that she could stay awake for the play haha. she didn't even get to see it, though, because she had to run the house and didn't want to come in late. it was fun though, i had a nice time. afterwards no one could decide what to do, so we just danced at theatreworks for a long time. i came home and bumbled. on saturday i had a hummus pita and a grilled cheese for lunch with my lovely mother. in fact, i bumbled quite a lot. at 5:45 brett came over and we bumbled simultaneously. finally we called brock to make him decide what to do. he was about to see finding neverland with alice, so we showed up for that, although we couldn't sit with them because we got there so late. the movie was good although brett and i nearly starved to death. and then, of course, alice and brock had already eaten, so we starved some more. we then drove to theatreworks in the rain and, after (to brett's dismay) some dancing, we got together a group of 11 people and walked over to ihop. when i discovered that over half of our company wasn't going to eat, i ordered THE BIG BASIC to make up for it. despite everything, our waiter was very sweet and patient, and we had a lovely time. then i came home and bumbled. a late night phone call made me happy. today was nothing at all, i've forgotten it. except for spending two hours at the library hanging out with lauren d, my favorite person. we got chais and she checked out some books from the classics section, for fun. it was nice and we didn't even attempt the math project. ho ho ho. nothing else happened. june bug ate my fucking shoe, and chewed up some computer cables so now we only have the internet on one computer. DESPAIR. proving thoughts are cyclic, i've again been thinking about how much i hate fake shit. especially when people pull that stuff. it has just been bothering me more than normal. almost everything seems forced, even most music that i usually like. so mostly i can only listen to pixies and kristin hersh. in an attempt to better my world and yours, i ask you to PLEASE DON'T BE FAKE AROUND ME. for one thing, i can't handle it anymore. it's really trying on my emotions, to be constantly puzzling over what people actually think about me. the past few months have been rough sailing, partly because of that. i don't want to be someone who's super concerned with what people think about me, but i'd like to be certain that my friends like me. when i don't feel like my friends like me, things are not good. if you don't like me, go away. that's something i can deal with on my own. actually i'd rather have no friends than false friends. it's a really sad thing to witness... i guess in a lot of groups there's someone people don't really like, and just keep them around. everybody's too fucking insecure. anyway i know that i'm a really irritating person, so i guess i don't really need that pointed out so much as i need people not to pretend i'm not. if that makes any sense. mm i want community, not selfishness. i just want reality, nothing false anymore. as keats once gushed, "beauty is truth, truth beauty." i used to have a big purple button that said "beauty is truth" but it broke. i loved that pin. i tried to keep the pieces, but i lose everything. ooh i just found an arrowhead in the deep clay dirt of the computer desk. is that lucky?

still ain't got no driver's license

to blog... is pain. agowpihgpwohei. i figured i'd update because i find myself strangely lacking in things to do. i'm sure it's a lie. tomorrow is queen of clubs, plotted perfectly on a half day. so we have no class. so i have no homework. i finished frankenstein. it is a good book. i recommend poetry by adrienne rich. i recommend "the score" by fugees. i recommend listening to minnie proctor's new mp3s. and while i'm at it, i should go ahead and plug our BEAUTIFUL cd swap site by mentioning how well it's going. especially the big list which i finished messing with last night. if you haven't sent me your list, please do it. because i love you. and to those of you who know about the site and have already made some requests, don't worry. i'm on it.

listening to: themselves - paging dr. moon or gun

i hate you, blog.

i guess only a little bit. i've been busy doing nothing this weeek.... sort of i just didn't want to write a detailed post about my birthday so i avoided it and i'm not going to. but i had a GREAT GREAT GREAT time and thanks to everyone who showed up. i got some amazing gifts (ohhh thank you), ate a lot of cakes, smoked some nice cigars, and generally indulged in happiness. this week has been okay. i'm still alive thanks to the thoughts of margaret and meg's no judgement day party tonight. YES!
CD exchange is in full swing. thanks to everyone who's brought copies of their list around. laylee had a brilliant idea that this would work much better online, so here is what we have so far. if your name doesn't have a link on it, please email me a copy of your list sometime soon. and test out the search engine, take a look around. who knew so many people owned "jagged little pill?" anyway. i'm excited. let me know if you have any trouble or if i can change the site in any helpful way.
i had another paragraph planned but i forgot what it was going to say. so here it is.

drawn up in lights

i got accepted to loyola!!! last night i was on their website trying to figure out when i would know and trying not to start looking too soon. and today as we were walking towards the house, there was a big envelope and i was like "haha maybe it's my loyola letter" and it totally was. so. that was a nice way to start the afternoon.
then morgan and foot sang that scary song about "peanut peanut butter and jelly and jelly" to me. i cry.
now they have kicked me out because they are working on a project, and i'm probably going to work on my cd list some more. i hope you are all doing the same! there's no more option, everyone MUST participate in the mega cd swap. or i come to your house and take everything.
tonight we might go to young avenue deli, and i hope we do. i'm not even hungry, but oh i will be.

listening to: tori amos - glory of the 80s

i heard you drove a silvery sports car

today was pretty good for a monday. but any day that i get two tests pushed back and only go to three and a half classes is awesome. we had a speaker, edward mitchell, who was one of the first men to walk on the moon. and now he does this stuff called noetic sciences about humanity's collective consciousness, basically. it was pretty interesting, and i liked him. he said some good things. it was too bad that so many people slept through it, but i guess it can't be helped. i had a headache for a large portion of the idea, but i MADE chai when i came home (katherine and i bought some tazo mix from starbucks on saturday) and i am now headache-free. ah the joys of living. right now i should be writing my research paper, like always, but of course i am not. oh well. i'm hoping that last year will repeat itself, and when i sit down to do this shit, it'll sort of flow and i'll end up really enjoying myself. i do like papers. and i finally fixed my thesis to something that i like, so it should all just sort itself out now. hope hope hope.

listening to: bandits - catch me

you know you can follow my voice

between picnics, movies, quesadillas, and late late nights, i have had a nice weekend. so that is nice. i don't really have time to elaborate, what with research paper shit being due tomorrow. woe, woe is me. instead, i will use this time (while this article on the sense of nonsense prints) to introduce the brilliant MEGA CD SWAP. that is brock's title, it's a little inaccurate. but whatever.
WHAT TO DO:
1) Create a list of ALL your CDs. Even the really shitty ones. No lying or false advertising. (You can put your siblings' stuff too, if you'd like. Mine is an all-encompassing Stewart-Jacobs family catalog.)
2) Slap your name on it, make some copies (please try to conserve paper), and pass those babies out to whoever wants one.
3) Collect everyone else's CD lists, write your name on them, and highlight the albums that are yearning to belong in your collection.
4) Return the highlighted list and the appropriate number of blank CDs to the list's owner.
5) When you get your own lists back, burn away. Love illegality. Track lists would be helpful but are not required.
6) Exchange. Listen. Weep.

you are all invited to participate. because i want as much shit as i can get my hands on. if you're interested, let me know so that i know how many copies to make of these things. or, you can distribute your list via email if that works better for you. also, if you're borrowing any CDs from participating kiddies, be sure to return them so that they can get their lists together. any questions? thank you, i love you, good night.

listening to: tommy gnosis - wicked little town

oh, hey

HOW IS IT SO GOOD?????

listening to: tracy + the plastics - what you still want

you always were a queer one from the start

yesterday i didn't blog or get on AIM at all, and i went to sleep at 11:30. do i feel like i accomplished more? fuck's sake, no. i just piddled around doing OTHER nonsense things, like eating junk food with sara and reloading the same web pages over and over. i spent forever and ever and EVER doing ridiculously stupid physics work just so that i could get an easy 100 homework grade to make up for the test i fucked up today. then i read "the rime of the ancient mariner" for english class. it's a silly poem, i like it. then i started reading "alice's adventures in wonderland," which i finished in class today. it is nice. and i'm glad to have a better understanding for the writing of my research paper, which will take place this weekend. moan moan. i hope i can make my thesis work right. brett, can i get my books back soon? thank you.
this week is faster than i could've imagined, but i've been silly and really nonchalant about school. and everything else. but it's been nice. does anyone want to help me make the weekend nice?
i love music.

listening to: belle and sesbastian - expectations

i disappear! i disappear!

today was too long. i had two tests i'd completely forgotten about. my research paper research doesn't exist. i'm trying to stay silly. that is all.

listening to: frente! - jungle

you are asleep

I AM GOING TO BE SO STRONG.
i am gritting my teeth in preparation for the battle ahead. everything will turn out great. alone means nothing. i don't care about everyone who doesn't care. i hate all humanity. die die die die die or at least leave me in peace.
i have to find a bubble.
why am i posting this.

listening to: placebo - bulletproof cupid

a symphony that's you

i hate having to update when it's been a long time. i hate catching up. so this is what you are going to get:
i had a really good week.
now that that's over with.... i am so fucking stuffed full of curry turkey pita. sweet godddddd. morgan and i are more full this weekend than we ever are because our parents are in boston. sarah is staying with us, and we go out for every meal. what the hell else would we spend the weekend money on? well it is nice. i'm not used to so much food, though. on friday we saw the life aquatic again. i think i can safely say that IT IS EVEN BETTER A SECOND TIME. if you haven't gone, you are missing out. last night we saw the house of the flying daggers, and it was not so good. maybe i am really picky. but the plot was ridiculous. there were some pretty visuals, i guess... i liked the choreographed fight sequences, but that's about it. it was pretty silly. but i think it's necessary for me to see a silly movie once in a while so that i can remember they exist. i am spoiled rotten sometimes.
also. i know i've talked about it before, but recently i have not really had a chance to RAVE about how much i love last.fm. i encourage all of you to go get an account on it so that i can stalk you and look at what you're listening to. and you can stalk me.
i'm a loser.

listening to: kings of convenience - love is no big truth

you and me will be whirlwinds of danger

wriggle.
forgive me if i don't post much this week.
today is too long for me to be writing now.
i must flee.

listening to: kimya dawson - nobody's hippie

i sleep with one hand on my heart

WOOHOO I'VE SENT IT IN SIX COLLEGE APPLICATIONS! i am very proud. it took me fucking long enough to get them in. but whatever, it's done and i'm happy. now i just have to write two more essays and i'll be rolling in daisies. hoorah, hoorah.
katherine better win the scholastic writing competition.
today was fucking awful. many things were said. but everything worked out, i think. things happened that needed to happen. things were accomplished. the day is finally over, and i am so glad. this week will be better.

listening to: throwing muses - no way in hell

it's too warm inside your hands

friday was great. ada came to senior out to lunch at atlanta bread company with alice, brock, katherine, laylee, and me. the place was a bad idea, but it was pretty fun being loud and irritating to the east memphis stiffies. we screamed about sex and drugs. after school brock and i went to starbucks then davis-kidd to hang out with margaret. we called alice but she decided she didn't want to hang out. ada met us there, we spent forever standing in the cold parking lot trying to keep warm. fire and ice, babies. we made plans to see tarah, and in the meantime went to visit sick laylee at her house. we ate ice cream and looked at baby pigs. ada called LA for the second time that night, but she also pulled out. nothing was really going the way we'd planned, and i thought ada would be irritated, but she was not. which i am glad for. anyway, ada, brock, and i left for tarah's but on the way she called us and said something had come up but she'd call us when it was over. we wasted time and money at sonic, but listened to good music. stopped by my house for a bit. brock had to go home, so me and ada went driving. tarah never called, so we ended up outside atlanta bread company again smoking cigars. margaret called and said they'd missed their movie, and shortly thereafter, she, christie, and elizabeth joined the party. elizabeth couldn't stay long, and the rest of us went to ck's for a quick cup of coffee. christie had to get home, but margaret invited ada and i to come hang out at her house for a while. we cuddled up in her lovely room and talked for hours. we all lost track of time, for sure. ada finally dropped me off at home around 4:30, and at that exact moment my cell phone started ringing. my dad had discovered that i was not in bed. i made up some weird lie about being outside and talking on the phone. i'm not sure he bought it, but he didn't bring it up today, so i'm not worried. this morning i woke up at like 11:30. had some pasta. watched a lord of the rings special feature with morgan and mom. talked on the phone for a little bit. took a shower. went back to bed until like 6:15, at which point i ate some backyard burger. dad got me a cheeseburger. it was a cooked burger with grated cheese sitting on the top. unfathomable. then morgan and i went to the american musical review at our school to see newman in all his magical glory. i am totally in love with him. in contrast, everything else about it was very shitty and high school as expected. everyone was either showing off or just boring to watch. i spent a lot of the time laughing silently to myself. no offense to anyone in it or anyone who enjoyed it-- it's nearly impossible to have a good high school show, and i'm super critical about them for some reason. almost everything about those things pisses me off, from stoned, self-important techies to selection of songs to irritating people in the audience. oh man i can't help it. afterwards, dad picked me up. we had to drive duncan home. i like her. i watched yellow submarine with my parents. it is not anywhere near being the best beatles movie, and this time i enjoyed it less than i ever have before. i guess i was just in a really critical mood tonight. oh well. then i talked to brandon on the phone a while. i meant to go to bed right afterwards but look at this. here i am. i've already brushed my teeth and everything. sometimes i wonder why i keep this stupid blog, it just wastes my time and yours. now don't you feel silly for spending all that time reading this silly thing? yes you do. good night.

listening to: sleater-kinney - turn it on

smoke that tumbleweed

who drew the best research paper topic EVER? oh it's me.
"Sense and nonsense in Lewis Carroll's Jabberwocky and Alice in Wonderland."
fuckin a! oh yeah! i am really excited about it. i hope i can focus on it and be good.
in psychology, DJ, who graduated last year, came and talked for the full goddamn hour about being a student at univeristy of georgia. i learned so much psychology, it was amazing. who knew that georgians were white and republican? not me. i'm being dicky, it was pretty interesting. but really badly timed. the rest of the day was okay. school this week has been okay, which means pretty good, considering that everything's usually unbelievably bad. so i am in a good mood.
ALTHOUGH I TOOK ANOTHER FUCKING NAP TODAY AND SLEPT PAST 7 SO NOW I MISSED THE DAMN SCHOOL MUSICAL. I AM SO SORRY NEWMAN AND EILEEN. I'LL COME ON SATURDAY OR OSMETHING. I AM SORRY.

listening to: afroman - colt 45

singing songs till morning comes

today psychology was a nice nap. i wish i cared. ada showed up in school halfway through our lunch. she makes me incredibly happy. she is going to come with us for senior out to lunch on friday because she's just that lame. which i love. and hopefully after school we'll hang out and watch harold and kumar. if she makes other plans i will be sad. on thursday night i think i will go to the musical review at school to watch newman be adorable.
katherine, morgan, and i had lemongrass chicken and noodle thingies at pho saigon after school. it was nice. katherine has broken her fast. my fortune cookie was brilliant. it said, "a surprise treat awaits you." in bed. i am very excited.
i definitely didn't do any work yesterday, and i was supposed to catch up this afternoon, but i have an awful headache so i think i'll take a nap. woops!

listening to: cowboy junkies - blue guitar

living out of a box

today we want back to school. the first two classes were so fucking long. i don't know why i'm still alive after that bullshit. but english was nice because ms. wyatt brought us tea, and we might possibly be starting something interesting in psychology. of course, this is no cause for me to be doing any of my homework right now. instead i have piddled around all day. i had an oreo sonic blast, went to therapy, took a shower, bumbled. the usual. i guess i should go do something. and finish my college applications one day. why do all my posts read like this? everyone should go see the life aquatic because it's amazing. and has great music. i have a heart-shaped hole in my thumb.

listening to: liz phair - johnny sunshine

i'm a computer

taking a break from college applications, i remembered my true and undying love for these babies. thank god for cheap humor and the internet.

i want this to read like a letter

HAPPY NEW YEAR.
we got home a few hours ago. i opened the blogger window and stared blankly. now here i am again attempting to speak.
jackson was nice and awkward as usual, but it only lasted 1.3 days. alma, georgia and its inhabitants are the same as ever, too, but i had a better time than i usually do. i wonder why that is. i've decided i'm exaggerating. at least it leaves me with a nice memory. you can see pictures by my cousin rachel, morgan, and i at this location shortly.
i hope all you babies are having a great break.

listening to: weeping tile - in the road

hey dude

this is just a hello from my cousins' computer. i am in georgia. the sun is setting and the reflection in the not-pond is very pink and lovely. i'm alive. so are you. i hope everyone is having a great holiday break and will continue to do so. they're stealing me.

listening to: shitty madtv for some ungodly reason

have fun with my family and friends

the minnie proctor show last night was amazing. maybe i can post a little bitty sound clip of it for you later since so many people missed it. i'll have to ask for some permission though. and it depends on how my little files came out.
this morning my family celebrated christmas because we're leaving town later this afternoon. even if it didn't feel much like christmas, the night before was sort of normal. i crawled in bed around 1:15, couldn't sleep, phone call from 1:45 to 3:20, couldn't sleep until maybe 4, and then only got about 3 hours. woke up freezing cold and harassed the parents until they got out of bed. it was nice and classic. i made out with new pajamas, nail clippers, a beaded purse, a cLOUDDEAD album, frank black francis, the yeah yeah yeahs dvd, a russian movie i've never heard of called house of fools, and a muthafuckin laptop. hell yes. i am very happy about these things. and now i'm uber-hyper.
check out this creepy shit... stalkers scare me.

listening to: the moldy peaches - i wanna be a hulkamaniac

i wanna have all the toys

tonight is the minnie proctor show at the full moon club, in the upstairs of zinnie's east on madison. if you can manage to escape your house, come witness the mad skillz of becca, hunter, and paul. i recommend it. risk your life to support the music.

listening to: ringo starr - i wanna be santa claus

he move me and the chains changed

today is nothing but ice and misery. i'm trying to make myself work on applications, but i'm a whiny baby and i need someone to hold my hand and tell me what to say. i've been avoidantly making charts to look like i've accomplished something and tittering through things i've already finished. when i stop caring altogether, i snack on wheat thins stacked with monterey jack cheese, sip some DP, and listen to kristin hersh. i've become enthralled (again) with her early Muses work. i live in cycles. we used to be funny. one day we'll find it again.

listening to: throwing muses - cry baby cry

slide slide slippity slide

who the fuck knew chan marshall could sing r&b style hip hop? man. i'm impressed with this song... but it's true that i'm either going to marry prince paul or dan the automator. it's just obvious now.

listening to: handsome boy modeling school feat. cat power - i've been thinking

just the way the operation made me

i am eating cheez-its. i love cheez-its.
today was difficult but i bought a chai. it wasn't as good as normal. that's too bad.

listening to: the dresden dolls - girl anachronism

cmon back to me right now

it's really late. my chest aches, and i should sleep. i should finish christmas presents and shopping. i should be doing my college applications. i should finish this dr pepper.
i hate everything.
we finally got our christmas tree today. mom even started the ornaments. dad put some lights up outside too while i ate grilled cheese. LA, laylee, alice, and wenli picked me up around 1 to go get-up shopping at victoria's secret in peabody place. nobody could find anything that fit except for alice. how depressing is that when you go to a store that supposedly specialize in all that mess, and only one in five people can even wear the damn sizes. that settles it. i'm only wearing custom-made bras from now on.
i bought a chai at starbucks. soon i'll implode.
we went into some clothes store that depressed me. i'm really no good at being a girl, although it was nice to pretend for a few minutes today and talking about girly things all afternoon at chick-fil-a. one day i'll either learn or just give up entirely.

listening to: the breeders - do you love me now?

i am good enough for someone

i was late to the yuletide extravaganza because i'm a mess, and i didn't find a real ride. so i bummed with mouse and morgan to the paradiso where they were seeing a movie and then walked to alice's house. i missed the entire concert part. i did get a couple bagel bites during the after party though. katherine drove me home. we blasted "killing in the name of" and looked hot and punk-ass in our formal wear. then we watched ashlee simpson music videos. what is life?
i figured i would post the rodent carols just for old time's sake. and by that, i mean i want to come back and laugh at them in a year.

to the tune of The Christmas Song, aka Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire
Hamsters singing in a rodent choir
I didn't know your mother sews
Yet on each paw, there's a glove made of straw
Cold hamsters... we are

Hamsters stacking up the Yule-logs higher
Or else we will soon be froze
The sticks are a-burnin', but soon we will be learnin'
Not to stand too close to a fire.

Hamsters toasting at an open fire
We feel danger coming close
Move out of the way or a price we will pay
AAAGHHHHHHH, oh no.

Hamsters roasting on a funeral pyre
We are feeling rather poached
Flames lick my fur as I turn to ember
I'm a goner....
I'm toast.


to the tune of O Little Town of Bethlehem
O little mouse of Bethlehem
Tempted by the brie
Satan's wish did lure you in
Under the Christmas tree

As you were getting closer,
You saw the darker side
You thought you ordered a soul mate
You got a mail order bride

O little mouse of Bethlehem
O so sadly decieved
The Christmas spirit is gone away
No longer in pine leaves

But before you turn to druid
You must look closer now
I see a sticky fluid
Flowing from evergreen boughs

O Hallelujah, Hallelujah
This tree is for real!
It's not plastic or operatic
It's not a Wal-Mart deal

Drawn by tree of knowledge
O you can have it all!
It smelled good from over here
But that was Eve's downfall

O little mouse of Bethlehem
You finally found the source
The cheese is now within your grasp
A fitting final course

THE TRAP IS SLOWING CLOSING
ENCROACHING ON YOUR TAIL
WHILE OTHER JUDGES MIGHT BE KIND
THIS TRIP WON'T ACCEPT BAIL
*SNAP!*

listening to: throwing muses - solar dip

i'm in the fire

school's finally out but nothing feels different. at least not yet. we took our last exams today, then alice, brock, and i went to starbucks where i had my millionth chai. brock went home feeling sick, i came home to sink into a sleep. however katherine called and saved me. we talked on the phone before she came over and we just hung out a while. seeing her is so great, and i am so lucky to have such a great friend. then we went to dinner with my family at bosco's. having katherine there was a nice addition to the conversation. we're a silly family at restaurants, i guess. my mom told ridiculous baby stories and got loud and hysterical. i love it. and i love creme brulee. we came home, and katherine and i wrote some silly rodent-themed parodies of christmas songs which will be performed tomorrow at the yuletide extravaganza at alice's house at 2pm. be there babies.

listening to: pj harvey - snake

The higher he's a-getting

i just got home from studying english with katherine. she is a flatterer. i don't mind because i love her company. i have my last two exams tomorrow and i obviously should be studying right now. english won't be too bad, but i'm worried about government. whatev, mang. gather ye rosebuds and shit.

feel so tongue-tied

i should be studying. whyyyyyy can't i get up?

listening to: radiohead - myxomatosis

just keep telling me

school's almost out. things will be good soon (hahahahhahhahhahaahahahahahhahaha)
i hope i pass my exams.

religious kodak moment

so i just went to church for the first time in years. how awkward. now i feel like i have to cleanse myself.

listening to: cLOUDDEAD - son of a gun

you should be here with me

well at least i have my chai now. and little else. i don't remember why i wanted to post, but i've had the damn box open for 15 minutes. ACT is over, thank god. now all i have to worry about is my exams. not that i was worrying about ACT... whatever. i want to see a movie. maybe i'll go the machinist later.
i miss living.

listening to: darlene love - christmas (baby please come home)

tell me

today i went to ck's after school with allison, lauren, christie, elizabeth, brock, brett, and katherine. everyone was going to the library afterwards but i decided to come home early and take a nap. at 9:15 my mother called my cell phone, woke me up, and started to lecture me about how i need to call home when i'm out that long. the ridiculous thing is that both she and dad walked through the room where i was asleep and didn't see me at all. go figure. so now i'm awake and i don't want to be. it means i SHOULD be studying for ACT, rather than "oh i fell asleep, what could i do?" even though i should've been studying for this shit for weeks. i've never taken it before, and i really don't know what to expect. oh well. i guess there's nothing i can do now, and i will just do my best tomorrow. i probably won't do very well but i can't bring myself to care. is anyone else taking it? i want chai tea.

the rotten one

it's kind of nice that five people commented on the post i made yesterday afternoon, considering that i don't post anymore. i figured nobody would see that shit for weeks. i apologize for those of you who have continually loaded this page over the past few weeks and found nothing. there have been some crazy things going on (the blues ball, thanksgiving break, hellfire and damnation...) that i have avoided blogging about. for reasons unknown to me and all the world. anyway i don't know why i'm posting since i should be doing my physics project hahahaahahahahahah good night.

no excuses

i hate life. blogging is not only too difficult, it's really pointless right now. maybe later...?

wish you were here. wish i was too.

compiled for me by brandon. posting the tracks so that i can get together a playlist. you don't have to pay attention.

01) the roches - damned old dog
02) kristin hersh - flipside
03) throwing muses - civil disobedience
04) the white stripes - the air near my fingers
05) richard cheese - feeling this
06) cake - where would i be?
07) the beatles - blue jay way
08) the breeders - drivin' on 9
09) kristin hersh - silica
10) the white stripes - truth doesn't make a noise
11) pj harvey - send his love to me
12) weezer - holiday
13) the beatles - all together now
14) talking heads - thank you for sending me an angel
15) talking heads - stay hungry
16) sleater-kinney - turn it on
17) the breeders - do you love me now?
18) adam green - times are bad
19) beck - atmospheric conditions
20) cat power - colors and the kids
21) billie holiday - he's funny that way
22) squirrel nut zippers - wished for you
23) janis joplin - little girl blue

i'm going to marry dr. bob.

high in the middle

today has been very difficult. but it had to happen, and i am sort of glad that it did. now all i want is sleep but i've got pounds of homework and oodles of eggnog to drink.

we gotta blow up those things we don't understand

look out for classic alanna weekend post. starting now!
friday: school went surprisingly well. brock was out of town, on a college visit in boston. we had senior out-to-lunch, so katherine, alice, laylee, sallis, and i went to atlanta bread company, where there were surprisingly no other white station kids. laylee ordered for me, and i love her. we talked about college, which doesn't bother me anymore. i don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. we then went to ck's for the world's fastest dessert and had to zoom back to school to make it on time. of course we hit every red light and screamed the whole way back to school. i'm convinced that our excitement is what got us back to class on time. i then had to take a math test which i feel like i did really well on. so i probably failed. all in all, the day flew by. it's amazing how much psychology brings me down. fuck that class. after school, katherine, morgan, and i came home and watched "requiem for a dream" which is an AMAZING movie. it's really intense, very well done, great score.... again, i wish saw katherine more since for some reason she's so good to watch and talk about movies with. after she went home, morgan and i went over to janelle's apartment, where she, eileen, and alex had already started the making of vegan mashed potatoes and eggplant lasagna. well technically alex was being the man and sitting on the couch. or playing with janelle's adorable kitten. so morgan and i pitched in to help and in "no time at all" (read: after several disasters) the dinner was served. we settled down on the carpet with our plastic cups of sparkling apple juice to watch "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind." finally, oh finally. months after the planning. it went really nicely, though. even if i was too stuffed to eat most of my dinner... i felt bad about that. but my body really isn't used to food, and after my massive lunch, i couldn't handle it. so janelle drove us home after that. it was midnight and i was really tired. i called brandon anyway, but he was busy. so i went to bed.
saturday: woke up at 11:30 to the sound of my mother screaming. like always. basically i worked on college stuff all day. i still don't know where i'm going, but at least i've finished filling out the common app. most of the places i'm applying to (so far) use it, so that is good. i'm so ridiculously behind on this stuff. i'm pretty angry with myself. but whatever. so i didn't feel up for going to the our own voice workshop, or to see "the incredibles" with my family. i talked to brandon on the phone for a few minutes. i think that's the only human contact i had (outside my family) all day. i don't even regret it. katherine and brett helped me a little with applications. i want to die. i go to bed around 2.
sunday: woke up at 9:30 to the sound of my phone ringing. go figure. bothered around the computer. sat on the couch and talked college with mom. listened to her and dad try to calculate how much money they're going to be paying, how much in loans. that was painful. sallis came to steal me away, and we drove around the city a little. hung out around church on the river, bumbled through downtown, ate massive sandwiches at zinnie's east, bought blue sky sodas at square foods, grabbed some hopefully helpful college stuff from sallis's house, and swang at peabody park. i haven't hung out with that kid forever, and it was quite nice. when we got home, brett was here borrowing books from my mom. we talked for a little while in my kitchen before his dad picked him up. and here i be. avoiding life.

listening to: dead milkmen - big lizard in my backyard

because you're mistletoe

after school today, we had an honors society meeting where we made little packed lunches for homeless people. nobody could tell me exactly what place we were sending them to, which seemed kind of depressing. it also makes you think about the fact that we're only doing this one day, out of one whole year. what are these people eating otherwise? well, i put five cookies in every ziploc baggie, so that should make them happy. i've got to start volunteering at a soup kitchen or something before i fall apart from disuse.
when we had finished cookie-packing, katherine and i went to the library where we bought coffee and talked to margaret and katherine w, who volunteer there, for a little while. i think their supervisor lady decided we were distracting them, so katherine and i fled to the third floor. we nabbed window seats in the corner and had a long discussion about alanna and katherine things. i miss her a lot. i really wish we saw more of each other, because talking to her is really important to my life and well-being. this is not a joke. i think we have connective minds. we looked at some college books for about an hour, too, and katherine can even make that unscary. she helps me breathe better. my mom came and picked me up at around 7:15. who knew we'd been there so long? it was quite nice.
speaking of nice conversations, william called me last night. we talked for a very long time about the state of the world and our own selves. i miss him a lot, too, in a different way. although i wish i could talk to him more as well since it makes me feel a lot better. i remembered the feeling of may, how happy i was, how much promise life was about to feed me. i had forgotten how idealistic he is, which is amazing. i'm the same way, and lately it's been making me feel really silly and naive. it's good to know i'm not alone, i think. he is supposed to be coming back to memphis soon, and i really hope i can spend some time with him. fuck shit up. save something a little bit.
my neck and shoulders are really sore. maybe it's a sign that katherine is right-- we're the kind of people who try to carry the weight of the world.

listening to: luna - astronaut

keeps me from thinking

last night, laylee and brock picked me up at 10 to go to hi-tone for the holly golightly show. luckily, the door guy let us in, which was very good. my hands are still x-ed and i look hardcore. becca and christine arrived shortly after we did. the opening band, the woggles, didn't start until after 10:30 but they were really awesome. we danced, which we haven't done in forever, and i was very happy about that. it wore me out more than it should've. the band used the entire space of the small hi-tone and jumped off the stage and ran around and climbed on counters. it was great. they got a pretty good handful of indie kids up there dancing, which is way impressive considering the venue and our city. so i was really happy about that. after they ended, we waited around a while, but brock had to be home by 12:30 so we didn't see any of holly golightly, which really disappointed me. i would've at least liked to see a song. i hate that i spent all my money on that show. 10 muthafuckin bucks. which means no weakerthans tonight and probably no bella sun tomorrow. oh well. happiness costs way too much. tomorrow is senior out to lunch. i hope it is okay.
on the announcements this morning, coach owens came on backed by the indoor soccer team to annouce that a junior, okechi womeodu, died last night at a game. he was all choked up. seeing him like that was really weird. he's my silly ex-homeroom teacher, who brags about starring in an equadorian car commercial. my whole homeroom was in shock. i nearly cried. i am not exactly sure what happened, i heard several stories. okechi either died of an aneurism or heart failure. the school brought in some "mental health professionals" to talk to the people who were close to him. some of my teachers allowed kids to postpone tests if they were too upset to take them. and yet, none of my friends were upset or even effect by his death. i guess i've just been so sensitive and raw lately. is there something wrong with me? am i not supposed to feel depressed by this? today i was really angered by other people's happiness. i really shouldn't be posting this on my blog. sorry to everyone who is happy right now. i don't want to bring you down.

listening to: dykehouse - chain smoking

show's over, folks

i'm partly glad to have more free time on my hands, partly relieved that i can forget all these lines, and then i'm partly anxious now that i have nothing to focus my energy on. also nothing to blame my late nights and dead days on... although i'm sure they'll keep happening. they always do. i really need to focus on getting everything done for school and college, and also get working on some new projects. as long as i always have a viewpoint to look forward to, a realistic short term goal, i'll be fine. i hope. it's the unrealistic short term goals that really get to me. i hope that things'll be all sorted out soon. right now i'm just looking ahead to thanksgiving break. i need some time to recharge. i wish for strength to all of us trying to get through a terrifyingly slow year.

in short

today was surprisingly unawful. i debated staying home again, but decided that i need to save up my sick days. the last two periods of the day were significantly shortened because of some silly sports activity. directly after school, katherine, brock, and i went to starbucks and had a lovely talk until about 5 at which point katherine dropped me off at home. mom took morgan and i to zoe's birthday party almost immediately; her dad drove us to theatreworks; we put on a great show for a pretty big house. afterwards we had a photo call (hopefully results will be online soon...). zoe took her friend katy, morgan, and me back to her house for some barbie doll cake and naughty talk. it was a nice evening. i'm drained. tomorrow is morgan's birthday celebration, and you should come.

me and morgan-- no similiarities, right?

ode to joy

i've discovered that somehow in between the time my mother tried to call the cheesecake corner on my cell phone this afternoon and when i picked it up again, the damn thing mysteriously deleted its entire memory bank. so now i have no phone numbers, no more working voicemail, possibly no more text messages? not that i used those anyway, but i'm damn confused. it won't save the settings i put into it, and i haven't even attempted to rebuild my phonebook yet. it sort of puts your life in perspective when you realize whose numbers you have memorized and whose you don't. at any rate, the whole point of this post was just to alert people since i don't know if i can even get calls right now. but if you could also help me rebuild my friend brigade by giving me your numbers some time soon, i would really appreciate it. via email, slips of paper in my locker, telegram, fire brigade, etc. it don't matter...

give me dead

today at school was horrifically depressing. it started out with a chocolate donut, conversation with my great friend margaret, and a little bit of hope. it ended in depression and near-tears into a vanilla milkshake. i don't know what's more pathetic. i really can't believe that bush is president again, and i don't know what to do. we watched kerry's concession speech in pre-calculs from the couch, holding nervous hands and trying to be light-hearted about it. my shock and sadness surprise me. everybody is stirred to act somehow. eileen's rallying people to go to the "what do we do now?" type meeting at media co-op tomorrow night. allison says she wants to start something, do SOMETHING at our school, just to put something positive in the world. there's an intense need to create, to act, to believe in something greater. i'll get behind anything right now. i was looking forward to sudan awareness week, but it's mostly just that-- goddamn awareness. watching a video, having a speaker. i feel like there's so little action. i need to DO and there's nothing doing. i predict that the play this weekend will be teeming with passion. after that i'll have no direction, and i need to not feel useless. if anyone has ideas, please get me there.
i came home to my sister, who stayed home sick (half emotional, i think) on her 15th birthday. we tried to get happy with a massive dinner at pho saigon and dessert from the cheesecake corner. i like that the cheesecake man remembers me. morgan opened purple birthday presents; we wore hats, sang songs, and made merry. a strange conclusion to a weary day.
a girl in my psychology class made a depressingly humorous joke (which i've been repeating all day -- sorry) about how since bush has been reelected and he's going to get to appoint like 4 justices to the supreme court, they're going to reinstate the draft and overturn roe vs. wade. so we'll all be pregnant and in the army. i can't wait.

DOY

finally up to its old tricks.

they call it way too rowdy

i bought the new le tigre album yesterday afternoon at last chance and i'm listening to it for the second time in a row. it's really that good. as soon as i can handle giving it up, i'll loan it to anyone who wants to borrow it.
on friday, brock, laylee, and i went to wendy's after school before heading over to the school's cross country meet in order to get pyschology extra credit points. we stayed for like five seconds before christie dropped laylee off at home and took me and allison to CK's for milkshakes and fries. i swear, i need to never eat again. jenny and will met up with us there, and it was really cool hanging out with all of them. kind of a strange group, of several people i never ever see, so that was nice. we talked high school about rumors and gay boys. christie drove me home, i grabbed my costume, and we high-tailed it to theatreworks for call. everybody was sort of jittery. we had a pretty good crowd come for opening night, including my mom, alice, brock, katherine, LA, and lots of freshmen kiddies. elise showed up too, and that could not have been more awkward. she talked to all my friends and my whole family except me. as for the play, i didn't make any mistakes myself, but there were huge problems running rampant through the first act. we skipped about half an hour of the play. everybody was really freaked out during the intermission, but the whole thing was salvaged with a fucking awesome act two. sarah was too amazing. afterwards, everyone i talked to said that they'd barely noticed anything was wrong, which was very surprising. the kids wanted to eat, which was the very last thing i wanted to spend money on, but we ended up at shnuck's buying supplies for a picnic. we split the bill, and each of us only had to pay $3. we should ALWAYS go out to eat at the goddamn grocery. we headed to overton park and lounged in the grass, bathing in the light of MCA. we dined on turkey + gouda on egg bread, chocolate pudding, and hot fries. we quaffed sparkling apple juice. it was brilliant. brock drove katherine and alice home for their midnight curfew. me and LA sat around and talked for a while longer, which was special since i haven't seen her lately. i got home around 12:10 and went to sleep pretty immediately.
yesterday brett and i ran around cooper-young. i checked out the media co-op archive which he's trying to reorganize. we went by the antique store, i had a poptart lunch at java cabana. brock met up with us and we went to last chance. he bought albums by devendra banhart and stereo total. i don't even remember which ones. i'm such a bad one. afterwards they dropped me off so that i could get to theatreworks for the play, which went better last night. personally, i fucked up a couple lines. i think everybody had a moment of floundering, so the (small) audience could probably tell more easily that there were problems than on friday. how weird. because we managed not to skip anything. afterwards, i went with eileen and morgan across the street to IHOP where we ordered nothing but water and cheese sticks. they took like 30 minutes to come and they just made us more hungry. so we then ordered some fries. again, $3 dinner. LA, alice, and brett came to pick me up. they hadn't been able to find any midnight showings of "rocky horror picture show" which we were SURE would be SOMEWHERE for halloween. but apparently not. so we had the brilliant idea of playing it at media co-op, since brett has access to it and whatnot. we invited laylee and kevin, who were sitting in the parking lot when we got there. however, brett then discovered that the co-op DOESN'T have the movie in their collection like he thought, and we had to go rent it at black lodge. they were really bitchy to brett, and they wouldn't let me rent it because they said we still have a movie out on our account. which dad is positive he turned in. so we angrily trudged off to midtown video, which was closed. blockbuster was closing, but the workers told us it wasn't checked in anyway. my copy of the tape has been broken for a while, and we've never bothered to replace it. we called laylee and kevin, who were tired and decided to go back to kevin's dorm until we found the movie. videos, movies, and more AND hollywood video were closed. we ended up driving all the way out to laylee's house and borrowing her dvd. nobody was upset since we had an extra hour from daylight savings time, and we were listening to pixies. which was awesome and creepy and halloween-appropriate. we finally got back to midtown after a goddamn hour and a half of looking for that fucking film. we called laylee and kevin, but they'd fallen asleep and didn't feel like going out anymore. and although we'd made several calls and shouted to different people on the street, no one else showed up. so the four of us munched on a box of 3 dozen donuts and slurped on milk out of bendy straws. i only remembered a few of the audience participation things, but i could sing all the songs and we all did the time warp, so that made up for everything. LA had never seen it, and it's her new second favorite movie. so. that was successful. i got in at 2:15 (only because of daylight savings) and went to bed.
this morning i woke up at 9:15 to the vibrating of my cell phone under my head. brandon and i talked briefly about our weekends, but he couldn't really talk long because he was just checking in. i'm trying to think of something fun to do for halloween but i have no ideas. if anyone knows something happening before 6:45 and/or after 10:30, please let me know. or come to the play haha yeah right. there will probably be no audience tonight. which is why, if you're not busy, you should check it out. 8pm, $8.
happy halloween.

listening to: le tigre - viz

just what god needs

everybody everybody! come see "the passion of joni dark" at theatreworks this weekend and next weekend. 8pm, $8. we open tonight. we need your support. and your sweet loving. mental, social, and political conciousness! do it up!

listening to: tori amos - crucify

bounce boo

aghhhh!!!! i want to sleep. i have lots of homework. but i am drinking apple cider. i desperately want more cookies, but i've eaten far too many today. good god. good night.

you've changed some

i hate wednesday. although we did have a meeting of the paranormal club today, which was quite exciting. an alien-abductee speaker guy came from out of town just to talk to brett and katherine's little club for about an hour. he was a nice man.
yesterday i got to talk on the phone to both katherine and brandon, respectively, which was really nice because i haven't gotten to talk to either of them much lately. i need contact.
rehearsals are going okay. we open friday, and i hope hope hope we'll be ready. last night i got home from theatreworks, did like really easy german homework, and fell asleep with the light on. which sucked. luckily it was the only homework i had to turn in all day. unfortunately, i don't know if i can catch up with all the shit i'm failing to do every night. i'm so draiiiiiined. if anyone has any pick-me-up type advice, for de-drainage, please let me know. i'm dyin, babies.

i'm having problems

last night i had nothing else to do so i tagged along with morgan and mouse to the movies. we saw i heart huckabees again, which wasn't my first choice obviously, but it was still great the second time. that's a hard test to pass in my book. so. i got home and had a real conversation with brandon for the first time all week. then i talked to margaret and she said she wasn't feeling great, that she was just going to go home and sleep. i hope she had a good birthday anyway though. now i'm in an awful mood, i don't want to go to rehearsal, and i don't want to do homework. i want to sit. and rot.

listening to: a tribe called quest - 8 million stories

i'll tear my heart out before i get out

last night i saw i heart huckabees with family as proposed. it was soooooo great, and i recommend it to everyone. it made me love movies again. when i got home, i talked to becca on the phone for a little bit but both of us were too tired to go out. i hung out for a little while before going to bed around 11. how pathetic is that? the phone woke me up at about 1:45 when brandon called, but we only talked for like 30 seconds or something like that. today i woke up earlier than i planned and just lay in the bed for a few hours, practicing patheticicity. by the time i got up, there was only time to have a quick breakfast and lounging session before rehearsal. which actually went really well. i didn't use my script at all and i only fucked up the easy scene. i always know i'm learning my hard lines best when i start fucking up the easy stuff. afterwards, me and morgan and dad roamed cooper-young putting up posters for the show, which, by the by, opens next weekend. everyone should come. i'll remind you later, but mark your calendars now. for info about the play, you can go to this site.
if anyone wants to go to the film festival, or do anything, or see the ramones documentary with me and margaret at midnight (it's her birthday!) they can call me at 4938900. i'm that desperate. i just posted my phone number on my blog. i've fallen into blog hell. well i have no more shame. i apologize. please love me.

listening to: smashing pumpkins - today

i'm so ronery

anyone up for a movie night? i might be seeing i heart huckabees with the fam tonight. although i do want to see that, i'd rather go with friends. also, the indie memphis film festival down at muvico begins today. they're showing a ramones documentary at midnight. plus i'm just plain lonely. call me?

and baby, my heart's been breaking

i shouldn't be here. i am a bad woman. i am eating cheerios. i have pounds of things to do. i guess i'm off. the next two or three weeks are going to suck ass. god damn.

question 3

since when do we have rehearsal tonight?! god damn.

question 2

have you ever heard a song you've known for years in a different context and sort of fallen over? it's absolutely insane. you know you'll hear it again like you used to, and you might not want to. what a feeling.
"oh come child, come rescue me..."

listening to: cat power - cross bones style

question

do i look like a pretzel to you? huh. what an interesting proposition. if i could spend the rest of my life as a big salty pretzel i could be happy. i'd be one of those soft ones, i think. i would tear easily.
my knees are bruised.

quite simply

i am NOT happy that this is the third post i've written since i got into town. i'm NOT happy that this is the second time i've had to write it. and i'm NOT that my college entry was longer than my main one. that's just wrong! i can't live with it! so. i'm going to write more about voodoo ask soon as i get the chance. ask me anything, i'll answer truthfully. let's fuck shit up.