on saturday, i attempted to clean up my room and simultaneously make plans for the x-treme moovee party + sleepover. i will not bore you with those details. brock came over at 4:30 and helped me clean my room (by throwing my sorted clothes all over the place and creating a 'literature pile' on my stacked-up desk). LA (lauren henry, from now on) made many calls for us, and we thank her profusely. i invited laylee, becca, and whoever they happened to be with, and sallis, who didn't get the message until 11 and could not come. then brock and i lay around on the bed, making attempts to talk, but i kept getting calls. i talked to alice for a long time, and it was very good. i don't get to talk to alice alone generally, so that was nice. she is awesome, and i loved seeing her two nights this weekend.
eileen and foot came over at around 6:15 and scuddled away with morgan. brock and i were on morgan's bed when alice and hunter arrived, first of the party batch. we stood around the living room weirdly for a few minutes before LA, lauren, and emily arrived. at this point i become completely unconcious of how people are arriving. i can't really remember what happened. i just know that we watched "much finer" and BB3 to kick off movie nite, because lauren hadn't ever seen BB3 and we just finished the first cut of "much finer" and we needed suggies. while watching, katherine arrived, and then jenny and robin. jenny and robin... very secluded all night. they sat on the loveseat (no comment), talked nonstop through the movies, and left the room for long periods of time. they also left the earliest. i feel bad that they didn't have fun... apparently, they didn't plan on coming until LA told them hunter would be here. i think that's really dumb, but what can i say? i hadn't realized that they were so close, i guess. we put on LA's new kids on the block video for about five minutes. then we put on "legend" for about 10 minutes. i think hunter made a comment about how much better "labyrinth" was, so we watched that instead. i kept saying "THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART" because it was. i don't really think about how i do that all the time, but it was really apparent when people who didn't usually hear it got to listen to me say it over and over. during the "dance magic" song in which morgan and i sang and danced, becca, daniell, and stephanie the german exchange student arrived. a few minutes later, after the dance, kevin and laylee arrived. by now, it was insanely hard finding a place for everyone. hunter, alice, LA, lauren, katherine, brock, and i were on the floor right in front of the (ancient, piece of crap, blue lips) tv, as it was. it all worked out. i think hunter eased up a bit more after kevin got there, too. when labyrinth was over, we went back into the computer room to watch some of the voodoo village footage. apparently, it was a bust. i wasn't really in the room for most of it, because i was saying goodbye to jenny and robin, and then to becca, daniell, and stephanie. apparently stephanie had an awesome time. she told me that we reminded her of her friends in germany, and she hugged me. she was very sweet, and i wish i had a class with her. after that, we put on a japanese movie called "tampopo" which kevin had rented from black lodge under my family's account. mwahahaha. we also made popcorn which katherine had brought, because she is very sweet. only a few minutes into the movie, lauren, LA, emily, and i walked down to the shell station to buy some more dr. peppers because, alas, we had run out. i put on the first pair of shoes i could find in my house, and they were so big i nearly fell down running across poplar. boat fucking shoes. at any rate. tampopo was good, and i remember watching three completely scenes of it with my aunt phyllis in georgia once upon a time. there was a funny/happy sex scene with food. a strange, but good movie. foot and morgan fell asleep while it was on, and as it ended, eileen put them to bed very nicely. after that, we talked a little bit before laylee and kevin had to leave. we started "secretary", but then alice and hunter had to leave. i walked them to the door and had an awkward moment with hunter... that is too bad, because i like him and i hope he doesn't stay with the awkward memory of me. we started over secretary, but before the credits were even done, we stopped a few minutes to talk. "a few minutes" turned into forever and ever until we were suddenly in the comic room, eating cookie dough out of the bucket and playing donkey kong country like nobody's business. when lauren said she needed to go to bed, i was like "AHH THE MOVIE!" so the remaining five trekked back into the den. lauren and emily stretched across the couch with blanket and pillows, and LA, eileen, and i squished onto the loveseat. it was love. well. i really enjoyed that movie. i didn't know what to expect, since becca and laylee didn't find it too good/hot, and brandon is absolutely in LOVE with it. iii, in my own respect, thought it was a great movie. i am not only very glad i saw it, i really really enjoyed it for all that's worth. i think it's probably underappreciated, too... such is the life of me. also, right after what i guess is the climax, we paused the movie and talked and took pictures of ourselves for like an hour. lauren and emily had fallen asleep on the couch, and looked hysterical. LA, eileen, and i were wide awake and bristling. somehow, i think that made the movie even better when we turned it back on. then we spent some quality time with our friends the suicide girls before eileen trotted back to the seat o' love to sleep. LA and i got to talk for a long while, and that was awesome. she is so very cool, and i wish i saw her more. i will make a point of calling her this weekend, now that i have her numbah. she and i drifted off to sleep in my cloud bed at around 7am. we woke around 11am to lauren jumping on us. god damn!! that was okay, because we had la baguette pastries to eat while viewing "ghost world" which i hadn't watched in a really long time, and i still love it. yayyyy. almost right afterwards, brock called and i talked to him for a few minutes before lauren, emily, and LA had to go home. we said our tearful goodbyes... alas, alas. then morgan left for rehearsal, so i hung out with foot and eileen for a while. eileen had to go home like 5 seconds before morgan came back. it was sad. foot was still here when brock came over after yogurt, at around 5, i guess? i don't know when he got here because i was in the shower, and then i was dancing naked around my room, simply for lack of clothes. once i found him, we hung out here for a while, lay on my bed in the dark again, had lovely moments, and finally decided we should go surprise margaret at her job at high point grocery. unfortunately, i had forgotten it was sunday, so that shit wasn't open. then we went to laylee's house to surprise her, and kevin was there. i feel like we fucked over whatever they were doing, but it didn't really matter because we were only there for about five minutes before we decided to go to subway. brock's mom said he had to drive himself, and we ended up going to different subways, and going our separate ways. brock and i went to blockbuster and rented "a mighty wind" which brock did not realize i'd already seen. it was fine though. we were both so tired that it was just nice to lie on his brother's bed and giggle softly to ourselves. when i came home, i practically fell asleep on top of morgan on the couch until she pitched a fit, and i crashed in my own bed, with a mouth full of sticky marshmallow.

to clarify yesterday's incoherent post... the pictures from the x-treme moovee party + sleepover are entirely gone. i usually tell the iPhoto program to delete them off the camera right after they get to the computer, but something happened and only four of the pictures came through, yet they were all deleted. let's mourn what pictures were lost:
-laylee being cute
-kevin looking hott
-hunter looking nice
-morgan and foot asleep and adorable
-lauren asleep and leggy
-emily asleep and gorgeous
-alice's pretty back and shoulders
-me, LA, and eileen at about 4am taking super-hott pictures of ourselves
that's all i can think of right now. at least i forgot to even take pictures of the entire party in the den, because that would've been really awesome. and i didn't do it at all.

POST FINALLY DONE.

I DELETED ALL THEP ICTUERS. OHH MY GOD. WELL. IT WASN'T ME, IT WAS THE COMPUTER. BUT OH MY GOD. WHAT THE FUACKA.

listening to: eileen guitaring

apparently, the police aren't sure if elliott smith killed himself or not... they weren't positive in the beginning, but now they are even more unsure. poor guy.

i waited too long to post, and now i'm really tired and i don't want to write about today... i had a great time with katherine, lauren h, alice, and shaleen getting lost and going to psuedo-voodoo village!!
(we spent three hours getting there, finally found the street, went up and down, and left. when we got home, katherine realized that we hadn't actually gone into the gate where the 'village' is... we just saw the outside. but as far as i could tell, the gate was closed anyway. that's what we get for getting there at like 9:30pm.)
katherine and i also got a little more editting done on "much finer" after school... we're getting there, inch by inch. i'd upload it, but ghotli is down (whatta fuck!?)
at any rate... tomorrow we're going to have a movie festival/sleepover at my house, and anyone is invited. i'm not sure how many people are going to be able to spend the night, but you're welcome to come waste the day away. i want to just have movies constantly going, so that if people want to just come in and drop by, they can, and we don't have to have a set time/set group. i wonder what the family will think....
please come, and bring a favorite film.

listening to: placebo - slackerbitch

i decided at the very last second to enter some shit in scribbler. it won't make it in, but whatever. i'm a bum, trying to avoid homework. AT ANY RATE. if you would like to make any last minute suggestions, you can go to DOY and look around for some of my things... all of my ones from this past year should be here but i've been told that that page isn't working. so who knows. i already have a few picked out that i'm printing and taking to school, and i guess i will just work them off through the day. at any rate.... i'd love you if you helped out?

i am VERY excited about this!!!!
katherine is coming over to edit on friday, which means i've got to get ready for her tomorrow.
-attach Petunia to eMac
-burn "country spacecraft ballerina" to dvd
-delete that bitch file
-import the rest of cindy
-pray that none of the scenes are missing
-take camera to school on friday
-get some more shots for much finer
-edit
-enter hi mom! film festival
-go to voodoo village and get shot

my stomach is aching. this sucks. especially since it didn't start hurting until now. if only if only, stomach-ache, you had come a few hours ago, i would've just gone to sleep and skipped school tomorrow... but no. i'm up at 11 again, doing the dumbest english project ever assigned in the history of the world (with the exception of that end-of-the-year thing for douglas). oh woe is me. i hate life.
dad: *knocks on bedroom door*
me: *moan*
dad: i'm going to bed.
me: come do my homework!
dad: *sits on my bed and reads the article thing* what are you supposed to do?
me: i don't know! tone! DIDLS! stupidity!
dad: "this article is full of diddles."
me: *shoots self*

listening to: the dishwasher

i totally forgot that i love Lakuna.... listen to the happiest song in the world right now.

i was having a really wretched day until i listened to interpol. funny how things are.
alanna today:
lonely, stupid, embarassed, tired, hungry, bored, dumb, obnoxious, pissed off, restless, depressed, sulky, angsty, annoying

is anyone on the planet happier than me?
i think not.

listening to: monkey helper - i'm amazed (Pixies cover)

the pixies are my life-long dream. get it?
hmm....

*this post is to be sung.*
OH MY FUCKING GOD
NO HOMEWORK HAVE I DONE
HO HO HO ALANNA
STUPID LITTLE ONE

HAHAHA SLUT

morgan has told me that no one is going to read that last post, because it's so long. i'm sad because i had a great little time writing it. too bad.
it's all okay because i just read another poem by brandon and i'm way too happy. oh i love that kid. i do. got to jump a train...

listening to: death cab for cutie - transatlanticism
(i need you so much closer)

i have a headache, yet i'm listening to 7 year bitch at high volumes. i am one smart punk rocker.
i guess i'll just continue where i left off yesterday... on saturday i was awoken by the ringing of grandma on the line. i talked to her for just a few minutes, but it was still nice. i love that woman. she is made of heaven. she had the flu all week long, but she's better, and is now able to send back all the shit we left in georgie. ho ho. santa grandma. at any rate, i couldn't go back to sleep after that (especially with fucking cramps), so i lumbered and lulled around the house, broke fast with a cheerio. i think i forgot to eat the rest of the day, except for that. i called brock around noon to discuss plans, but we talked a good while as always. he was working on art junts, and we planned to take some photos for him to work with later in the day. he skipped AP art class to stay home and paint what he wanted, how cool is that? while he did that, i called every human being i know and invited them to see "big fish" or hang out. robin's makeshift birthday obviously didn't happen, which was too bad. we didn't go to hedwig either. in fact we didn't go to big fish. it was sold out. i'm getting ahead of myself.
i made so many fucking calls. good god did i ever. i don't know if i've ever dialed so many numbers. sigh. after utterly NO ONE picked up, i started listening to kristin hersh and throwing muses, which you can probably infer from saturday's posts. i won't go on another tangent about her right now... although i very easily could. let's just say i've been not only reading up on her via biographies and whatnot, i listened to nothing else voluntarily all weekend. and now she's on my desktop, looking at me all cute. ohhh kristin. hellooooooo!
after a while, laylee got online. she was the only person who was free to hang out, which is ironical because she had already seen big fish on friday, and therefore i couldn't even see her for too long. she got here at 4something. we busied ourselves playing in the underwear drawers, making my bed creak, cuddling, and taking a shower. which is where we were when brock arrived (HE DROVE! HE DROVE!). he and morgan listened to the darkness together and screamed "YOU CUNT" all through the house. laylee and i could not hear because we were screaming "ALL TOGETHER NOW" all through the bathroom, which is much more pleasant. we yelled at brock to come sit in the bathroom and talk to us while we showered, but apparently he couldn't hear us. bitch. sallis also arrived shortly after. who knew? we were playing with loofahs. i think the shower and post-shower turned out much longer than we had intended so by the time we were dressed, we only got like 10 minutes to hang out before we left for the movie. since brock and sallis are both upstanding citizens, they could each take only one person in the car. meaning laylee had to stay alone at my house until her dad could pick her up... i feel really bad about that. but it's my fault for having no vehicular notions. and hers too. aha. so brock drove me, and sallis drove morgan. car stories:
-brock and i nearly died several times, and rocked out to the ramones. quietly so that brock could concentrate.
-morgan got sallis to scream "GET YOUR HANDS OFFA MY WOMAN, MOTHERFUCKER" into the traffic of the night. bloody brilliant.
so we got to the theater (in a sense. brock had to park at wild oats because we were terrified of all the car people) and of course the movie was sold out. however, we ran into william and talked to him for a few minutes before he snuck into 21 grams, which was also sold out. i like that he tried to buy a ticket before sneaking in, though. good boy. i would've suggested we sneak into big fish, but it's impossible to do that with 4 people, even if the place is crowded. and it wasn't that big a deal. so we spent forever and ever in the freezing winter trying to decide what to do next. finally, we decided to rent a movie at black lodge, and watch it at my house. since brock and sallis are upstanding children, they had to call their parents to tell them the plannn. brock's parents said that black lodge was too far for him to drive, and sallis's parents didn't want him at my house with no adults there. (it astonishes me that either of them gave this much detail. i must be a bad, bad kid for slightly filtering.) after some more freezing plan-making, we trooped off to blockbuster to get a movie, which we would watch at brock's. it was very east memphis. brock parked us by the wedding store thing. i asked, "when are you gonna marry me???" in my most obnoxious voice, but the man still refuses to set a date. *sigh* men. it was further discovered that three indecisive 16-year-olds, and one bored 14-year-old do not get anything done. we must have looked over every movie in the place twice. morgan was wretchedly impatient but not really helping choice-wise, brock was mulling sort of, sallis would not really give his opinion, and i was about to pass out with hunger. we ended up getting "a life less ordinary" which i wasn't too happy about, since i'dd seen it twice. and twice is a lot for me... i don't usually like to watch movies over and over, even (especially) if they're good. which this one is. by the time we got to brock's, (after a train and an impromptu stop at chick-fillah to fillah my little insides) i didn't care about the movie choice. but i sort of forgot that movies are always different, depending on who you watch them with. ho ho. hunger-stupid alanna. but seeing anything with brock is awesome, for the obvious reason that brock happens to be awesome, along with the fact that he's so vocal and great. plus he ate 24 chicken nuggets and a bag of large waffle fries all by his lonesome. jesus christ on a cracker. so the movie was great even a third time. ewan mcgreggor makes me so happy, and he is so much hotter than cameron diaz. even though this is her best film, she pales in the presence of the ewan. seriously. watch the dance sequence. although her inability to sing is pretty charming. oh yeah, brock's brother wesley watched the movie with us, too. the last few times i've been over there, wesley has been pretty cool about hanging out with us. although i feel like a total ass because of my sailor mouth gutter teeth. oh shudder. what will happen to that poor boy? only 10, and full of Alanna Korrupt. morgan has full experience, and should counsel him. sallis had to leave at the tip end of the movie, and i think he was probably late getting home... sorry, sir! i'm glad you stayed the whole time, though. sarah had been at her house hanging out with matt, so she came and picked us up a few minutes later. amazingly enough, me, morgan, sarah, brock, wesley, and ms. peggy terwilleger stuck around the living room for a few minutes talking. it was awkwardly nice, in its way. i think it's always nice when brock's mom talks, simply because i think it reensures that she doesn't hate me. however, she does. ho ho ho. brock walked us to the door, and he let me hug him (even on terwilleger turf! wowza!). in the car, sarah said that she thought brock's mom didn't like her. oh well. who does she like? cordovians. which we are far from. thank god. ohhhh man i'm so mean. brock's mom needs to get used to me if i'm going to be brock's friend forever. hot damn. look out. *whip-crack* (on an entirely random side-note which only i will find interesting, brock said today after school that he feels more comfortable in our house than in his own house. i thought that was really awesome. kind of sad too. i want him to come live here so that we can have a reality show instead of a sitcom. le sigh. oh the things i want!) so. we got home... i can't remember anything. morgan and sarah fell asleep watching totoro. sarah realized this at some point, and dragged herself to the futon. i had to put morgan to bed, but she doesn't remember. therefore i won't get paid. i went to bed probably around 2am again, but who knows.
sunday was pretty uneventful also. when i woke up, sarah was already at work and would be there until 5:30. brock invited me to yogurt with him, but i was shocked and declined. looking back, i think i should've gone. i can never make up my mind about yoga, and i think GOING TO AN ACTUAL CLASS might help. why am i so dumb? oh well. we decided to see "big fish" and preordered our tickets this time. it was kind of funny, i realized later, because sarah invited matt, morgan invited chase, and i invited brock. we would've been three neat little psuedo-couples in the center of the backrow. funny that the guy from the real couple was the only one to decline. tsk tsk tsk, matt! it's okay. brock let me hold his hand and squeeze him a lot. not that he didn't need the same thing. nevermind. the point is i love brock movies and i ahve said so about 303030303030 times. i liked the movie a lot, but it wasn't as good as a lot of tim burton movies. the visuals were definitely more interesting than the plot. i would've liked the movie much more if it had been purely fantasy, instead of having the addition of the real-life things. even though i really liked the end (minus the last three seconds) which i won't give away by discussing it. i will admit to having soggy eyes, although i fared better than sarah. her shirt got all wet. i thought it was funny that the time i was most emotional in the movie was when brock wasn't at all (that i could tell), and therefore i only had my knees to hug. wahhhhhh. anyway that's fine. the movie was good. we all sad goodbye in the cold cold cold. brock drove home (YAYYY). we brought our pizza cafe leftovers back here, and i talked to mom and dad on the phone for a little while before blogging and going to bed.
this morning, our damn alarms did not work. sarah woke up at about 7:15, and asked if we were already getting ready. which we were not. so we tried to get ready as quickly as we could.. sarah took morgan to school where she was late for 2nd period history. i was already late to 2nd period twice last week (neither time was my fault!!!) and i am terrified of coach brooks, so we just drove around until it was time for 3rd period. when i went in, i ran straight into jenny, stole her engrish book, and scuddled to class. i was late, but that's okay. gahh. the day felt a LOT shorter than usual. if we didn't have homeroom, life would be better. am i complaining? anyway the day was fine. katherine drove me to d-k after school. i finished the book i've been working on, and i'm already sick of it there. i sat down to do my algae homework, but i was intensely distracted by my headache, babies running around the store screaming, eddie lee(?!) and his sister/girlfriend being dumb, and a very cute girl in a duck shirt sitting by the magazines. so i got two problems done. then sarah came, feeling crappy. we picked up morgan from foot's and trudged home. i finally got my own stupid english book from bookstar. stupid bookstar and their slow orders. i came home and i have been doing nothing ever since. this is the longest blog post god damn it all what's wrong with me. now i'm going to do my homework so that i can die. OH FUCK HISTORY TEST TOMORROW SAY WHAT?!~!?@1

listening to: the amazing plaid - the snake and its shadow

man oh man. i don't usually have an entire weekend to catch up on... and the prospects are looking bleak. generally if this happens, you end up with something like this. and i don't want to do that shit. for now...
i had so much planned to do this weekend, i felt like. man! i had the weekend of the century planned out. did it happen? no, not really. but it was pretty good all the same.
on friday, sarah picked us up for the first time since before break since the Units are out of town. brock came too, since none of our plans had come true. it's kind of sad because we wanted to hang out with kids, but we weren't invited anywhere else. oh well. we actually wrote out a list on thursday night, of everything we wanted to do. like we had wanted to see robin, for birthday celebration, and jenny, because we never see her, and alice, because she's so hott, this weekend. of course, we did not glimpse any of them during the entire 2.3 days.
after we hung out over here watching some of my michel gondry dvd, the four of us walked over to sonic for some masochistically cold refreshment. brock is insane and BOUNDS across streets full of cars, and then looks at me on the other side like i'm an idiot for being stuck there. very hott. back at home, we ate cookie dough plain and watched some silly flash movies including my personal favorite romeo and juliet for the l33t. ahahaha oh man. okay. those little movies made us very very tired. i don't know why. sarah took a nap on the couch, and brock decided to lay down on my bed for a few minutes. i ended up sitting at the foot, then curling up at the foot, and finally we were just stretched out next to each other (only on one half of the bed, though, because the other half is filled with clothes and cds and shit). we didn't nap at all, we just rested while listening to lamb, and talked a lot. brock and i are the best talkers. i love that about us. we also had some nice Moments. do you ever sit there and realize that if you're going to have a lot of friends, you really can't know all of them too well? that there's only a couple people you really CAN know very very very well? it's kind of sad. but it's really beautiful to know that you have at least one person you can just go on to about anything, i think. brock and i basically had this really great "LET'S BE FRIENDS FOREVER!" *claws* moment. it was very nice. as you all know, i love the reassurance that brock likes me at all. i was thinking the other day that i blog about him SO FUCKING MUCH, but it's because this is the stuff i don't say otherwise. i mean, i can't tell him shit he sat through. ahahahahh i don't know if that makes sense. oh well. i don't know how to explain it. hopefully no one is too sick of him. i probably would be, if i were you. GOD DAMN AM I STILL ON FRIDAY? FUCK'S SAKE! anyway, we lode in the bayd for a couple hours. then morgan came in too and we resituated. once she was there, we were all hyper-er. or at least awake. brock and i talked about filming some for our sitcom "six degrees of intrigue" aka "intrigue in our footsteps" but... we weren't THAT awake. (more details on the show later.) instead, we watched "better off dead" one of my all-time favorite movies, starring a very very young john cusack. oh heaven. oh oh. i laughed more than anyone else.... too bad for them. i think it was still fun. after the movie, we burned a cd for brock and then his mom came to take him away. he was here a bit later than normal, which was lovely. after that, i clawed about my cage for a few hours and went to bed probably around 2am. that is a guess. i can't remember anything about the rest of the night.
it's almost midnight, i need some sleep, i just consumed a whole lot of jews.
hope to continue this tomorrow.

DO YOU WANT TO LOVE KRISTIN HERSH?!
YES YES YE YES YE SY YES YES YES YES Y~
here is how:
-read these three biographies.
-plus this throwing muses biography.
-look her up on all music guide and read about the different KH and Throwing Muses styles.
-if you want to know even more, here's the official site. or visit some nice fansites. attack some interviews.
-maybe download some things.
-BORROW/BURN ALBUMS FROM ME.
-listen to the album until you love the way it sounds, then go online to read the lyrics while you listen. **this step is very important. kristin hersh's lyrics never ever cease to amaze me. they're great, but one of my favorite things about them is that a lot of the time you'd have no idea she was saying something like that until you read it. she talks like she's just writing in a journal, but with beautiful and strange language in odd places. especially with the throwing muses songs, i think.**
-FALL IN LOVE. DEAR GOD. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR.

(okay there is a lot i didn't say. such as, how fucking adorable she is. because this is supposed to be fast. but you'll learn. oh you will. you need to, because if you don't, no one will buy the albums and kristin hersh and her hubby and her children will die of starvation. so participate. i'll help you. i swear to god.)

listening to: kristin hersh - shake

since no one is answering their phones....
please come see big fish at paradiso tonight at 7:30. it will be a grand ole time.
tuesday was robin's birthday and i wanted to do something to celebrate it this weekend... preferrably before the movie tonight. i haven't really talked to her yet, so who knows. also, my parents are out of town and sarah rushakoff is staying with us. she was wondering if i had any friends who would come over and talk about their imaginary friends to her, for a theatre workshop she's doing. call me please. christ.

listening to: the silent telephone

IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY PHONE? SO MANY CALLS AND I HAVE NOT TALKED TO A SINGLE PERSON I WANTED TO TALK TO. (except brock. but he doesn't count because he's the only one who i don't need to make plans with.)
PEOPLE. PICK UP.
this is really discouraging.

wtrisha1: okay
wtrisha1: i called my ex sister today cause we still talk you know he answered the phone and he was picking on me like no sisters here and i said okay will he said no this isnt will than i was like whatever than ten minutes later he answered the phone and i said can you tell her to call me he said yes when i see her
JiveBassist: you lost me somewhere in there
wtrisha1: when i called her he answered the phone both times
JiveBassist: perhaps she'll answer some day?
wtrisha1: what i am saying is he really doesnt answer the phone
JiveBassist: am i on candid camera?
wtrisha1: what
wtrisha1: youre
JiveBassist: do you still by chance have this window open?
wtrisha1: yes why
JiveBassist: go up a few lines and read that paragraph
JiveBassist: about calling
wtrisha1: no i dont copy it
JiveBassist: nah
wtrisha1: what do you mean
JiveBassist: never mind
JiveBassist: that paragraph just didnt make sense to me so i was going to ask you to retype it
wtrisha1: no what do you mean
JiveBassist: but it's not a big deal
wtrisha1: i said i called over at his house
wtrisha1: he doesnt answer the phone as long as its his best friend chris but i called he answered it he was picking on me
JiveBassist: oh
wtrisha1: he was like no sister here and he was like do you want some pizza with that
JiveBassist: i get it now
wtrisha1: okay what do you think
JiveBassist: i think.
wtrisha1: he does or not
JiveBassist: i think he's confused
wtrisha1: oh

guess who's coming to the muthafuckin new dasiy? AFI, coheed & cambria, and thursday. whaheahahah.
guess who's going?
whahehahhahahahaheaoaihaa. $18.50, cool cats. feb 25.

listening to: afi - now the world

brilliant misunderstood lyrics by alanna--
"sleep, the great pain-killer, and me, the great ass-kisser, wanting you to wake up all of me"
now isn't that nice? let's pretend that's what this song really says.

listening to: throwing muses - half blast

OH HOW I LOVE DR PEPPER

today was not so bad. that's the end of that.
oh but it WAS robin's birthday. that was hot shit.
in other news, i've gone absolutely nuts with this digicam of morgan's... (sorry, sister. you can play with my stuff all you want.) so from now on you can check out the results of that here. (do they take too long to load? i can't tell.) and feel free to ask explanations... i'll probably post if i update it.
does anyone have any suggestions for how i could get home every day? sarah, who drove us to school sometimes last year and all first semester, is taking classes during the 2:15-3 area. i've gone to davis-kidd the past two days, but mom is already sick of it. she wants me to ride the bus but i'm afeard. they used to pay sarah, so they would probably pay anyone who would be willing to do it. if anyone existed. wahhhh.
laylee we have got to get our permits.

listening to: my parents being goofy

i just got done watching this hot movie "laurel canyon" that margaret loaned to me, and i really liked it. hooray for margaret and her nice taste.
the first day back to school wasn't so bad. i have very very little homework. the math was strangely infuriating... mostly because it was insanely easy but i couldn't remember a damn thing about any damn thing. i don't care. shgoawihp. we had like five pages to read for history and i haven't done it yet.... and i should because i can't do it in study hall tomorrow because TARAH IS COMING TO STEAL ME to be her art fuck. i am excited about it, not because i am modeling or whatever, but because it's like "let's sit in the bathroom during study hall" and that's nice. at any rate. i have finished my dr. pepper.
actually, tarah and i were supposed to go hang out in cooper-young today and take pictures, but i forgot that i had a therapy appointment at 5 and i was at davis-kidd after school because i'm a no-ass ride ho. therapy was kinda shitty because i haven't done anything i'm supposed to do... but not too bad because we decided i should come less often HAHAA. okay i got way too much joy from that.
ROOTIE TOOTIE BABY i'm running

listening to: excuse 17 - watchmaker

i had a lovely last-day-before-school today, but i'm too tired to write about it. so check the visuals.
(tarah, i deleted the ones of morgan because i don't know if she'll be comfortable with people seeing those. if you didn't save them, i can send them to you later.)

i woke up at 11something which was a big surprise. i was aiming for like 2pm. i sort of hung out for a while, and did some finishing touches on 'country spacecraft' -- credits and whatnot. mom said she wants it to be a dvd, which i didn't know before, so now i'm working on making the chapters and things. it should be nice, if i ever finish.
brock called around 1:30 or something and we planned to go to see 21 grams at 3:45. we couldn't find anyone else to come to the movie with us, but i went and hung out with laylee at her house for about an hour before brock PICKED ME UP in his HOT NEW RIDE. it was awesome. i feel so privileged to be the first person to drive with him. i tried to be really quiet and non-distracting. the movie was really good, and very intense. i caught john from our own voice in one shot! how crazy is that? after that, brock drove us back to his house (very well) and my dad picked us up, and took us to my house. brock's parents didn't really want him driving that far yet. we hung out here and ate some backyard burger and watched some of the footage morgan and i took in georgia. at around 9, mom drove us to pick up tarah and we went to hang out in cooper-young. java was really deserted, and this not very good guy was playing. i felt guilty about coming in, looking at the new art, and leaving without buying anything. but oh well. i clapped for a song, didn't i? good for me. we walked down to young avenue deli where we drew each other in tarah's notebook and chatted over cheesefries. brock and tarah were super hot in their oppositely striped shirts. i made a conconction in one of the ketchup containers with dr. pepper, salt, pepper, tobasco sauce, lemon, and all the sugars. it REEKED and brock nearly killed me for that. the waitress was superslow, so it took her forever to bring us our check, and then our change, etc. we ended up playing a couple games of pool after that, and it was my first time ever. which is a crime, i suppose. but i hit a couple balls into the thingies... even though sometimes they weren't the right color. or whatever. i also hit a ball into the wall, so. someone was playing pixies on the jukebox and that made me happy. i really liked getting to hang out with tarah, and i definitely want to start seeing her more. i was really disappointed that i didn't have a camera with me tonight, for some reason. i don't usually take one around, but i pondered taking the video camera or morgan's new digital one and ended up not doing either. there would have been some very nice pictures though... my favorite was tarah leaning over the pool table, making her shot, with her ciggie hanging out of her mouth, and the green neon all around, and pixies on the jukebox. it was nice. brock was worried about calling his mom to come get him, but i convinced him to just wait until she called -- that she would call when she was ready to come get him. it was probably the irresponsible thing to do, but i was SO right. they'd been at the rodeo, and when she did call, she'd just gotten home. so we got to be out until about midnight which is later than normal, so it was quite nice. brandon called me right as i was getting home, so i don't think i gave brock a proper goodbye or a proper thank you to his mom. oh well, i'll see him tomorrow. also tomorrow he and i are supposed to hang out with alice and play with her digi cam. i'm EXCITED and i hope it happens. tarah was asking what i was doing, too, so maybe i can see her again, too. hoorayyyyyy life is so nice to me today. i don't want to go back to school. i won't think about it. fphphee. someone call me tomorrow. rah rah!

listening to: gravy train!!!! - titties bounce

man, these astrology things are fascinating. not only did brock and i sit there and read the little "how do these two signs fit together?" shit all night, i am going to be up reading about the differences between what week someone was born in until the damn sun comes up. what's wrong with me? i'm an idiot, born in the week of genius. (ho ho ho insert irony here.) man brock's seemed a lot more accurate than mine. or. well. let me know what you think, i guess. if you are prepared to be sucked in by this shit. and let me know what kind of WEEK you're in. god damn. where do they get the names for these things?!
shit i need to sleep.

listening to: the sound of the staaars churning in the distant heavens, by god

have you ever noticed how many songs talk about someone named 'jenny'? they have always seemed to be in abundance. so when i sit down and try to make a mix of jenny songs, i can only think of four. dear god, help me. it can be a title or any reference in the song, but i'm looking for the jennys.

listening to: sleater-kinney - jenny

god damn it i'm excited!
i can't believe you can watch all these video clips by a band that barely exists yet... god i love miss hersh.

listening to: 50' wave - el dorado

i'm back, loves! and i hope to god you've missed me as i've missed you... please someone call and/or feed me.
we got back home around 7:15 this evening and i called brock immediately -- i didn't even get my shit out of the car, which is kind of sad. but he squealed on the phone and he has had total cabin fever all week.
the good news: HE GOT HIS LICENSE. HE GOT A CAR. HOLY SHIT.
the bad news: he isn't really allowed to drive it yet, because of his utter lack of practice.
it doesn't matter. it's sad that he couldn't practice more during this week, so that he could come and whisk me away the second my little toes touched memphis earth. that's okay okay okay whatever. we went to bookstar for a few hours, and ran into jo, and had silly tarot card/teen read fun. what a wonderful world. a bit after she left, we became absolutely enthralled with this astrological book. brock and i are sick believers in the cosmos and accidentally spent the whole night looking at it. we read this big description of brock's Leo/Virgo Cusp of Exposure, which seemed mostly very fitting. it said they are very secretive because of strong self-judgement, so they usually find only one person who accepts them as they are. brock read the whole thing aloud and at the end he was like "well i guess my person is you" and we had a moment and his hair was very soft. i couldn't quit staring at it while he was reading. in fact, i couldn't quit staring at him on a whole. it was so great to see him again. it's kind of funny/sick that i was so anxious to be with him, since he was the last person i saw before our trip, and he's the only memphian i talked to while i was gone. there are some people i really want to see that i've barely seen all break, but what can i say? brock is brock. i would feel silly about being so excited to see him, but he was feeling the same way. although sometimes i wonder if he actually likes me or just likes me being around. god damn. at any rate, the night was kind of anticlimactic, actually, but it served its general purpose -- disintegrating that damned cabin fever.
i know that if i don't post about my time with the grandfolks soon, i won't do it at all. because that's how i be. maybe i'll just post some self-explanatory photos.
teaser: I FELL OFF SO MANY FUCKING BEDS.

listening to: liz phair - glory

becca, i figure i'm not going to speak to you again before we leave, so here's the tracklist for the mix i gave you... it's strange because i made it so quickly. sorry, dear.
01) lunachicks - jan brady
02) tragically hip - hockey song
03) stratford 4 - hydroplane
04) the moonbabies - we're layabouts
05) sarah dougher - no-handed
06) the kills - hitched
07) stina nordenstam - the diver
08) loquat - swingset chain
09) rhett miller - nervous heart
10) mecca normal - ice floes aweigh
11) gomez - we haven't turned around
12) kristin hersh - cathedral heat
13) sarah harmer - you were here
14) jen faith - microorganism
15) loki - six feet of space
16) murmurs - squeezebox days
17) team dresch - remember who you are
18) pj harvey - yuri-g
19) mineral - gloria
20) ember swift - boinked

(make your own mix!! click on the track numbers to download mp3s of the listed songs, orrr click on the parentheses up next to the title to get a different song by the same artist. either way, you are well on your way to having a complete cd.)

listening to: throwing muses - pretty or not

i've been such a bad poster, what with christmas and all...
i guess i will cut down on my cheap time and just say what i got:
-ipod! (santa)
-earrings (santa)
-eggplant shaker (santa)
-bubble wrap (to make my stocking look fuller than it was)
-new placebo album (morgan)
-director's series (dad)
-lovely pillow (mom)
-uniform clothes (mom)
and i can't think of anything else. it was a nice slow day, and i played with my ipod a lot. hooray. today i woke up and finished becca's gift and dropped it off at her house. i wish she'd been there, so that i could say goodbye before i leave, and so that i could explain that gift... aha oh well. then mom and i went to animax to get a present for my cousin luke, and i called brock to find out when i could see him. we were rapidly leaving his district, plus i didn't really have anything for him yet, so we went to the drum shop and bookstar where i got him a banana shaker, a music magazine, and a terry pratchett book (which was mom's idea). he got me the missy elliott album, which i am excited to listen to.
we picked him up and he came over for the rest of the lovely night. we watched a lot of my director's series video thingies, and we LOVE michel gondry. chris cunningham is creepy, and i was kind of disappointed with spike jonze. i can't wait to get other stuff from this label. it's a really awesome idea, and just what i've been really into lately. plus we love bjork because not only does she have great music, she is adorable. oh le sigh. so we did that, and just hung out in general, and acted silly, and ate pizzas. eileen came over for a few hours, too, so that she could see morgan before we left town. oh i love that little mushroom girl. i wish she could come over more often. we all went and danced in the street. brock threw leaves into the light of the streetlamp and it was beautiful. i love all those kids. we should live in a big house on a hill, with moss and cameras.
"come here baby, let me kiss you like a guy does!" -- kathleen hanna

listening to: bikini kill - new radio

i'm wayyyyy too lazy to blog... hung out with brock and morgan last night. i can't remember what happened. all i know is i've got christmas eve nugnug juice, i finished editting that fucking movie, and i have finished enough presents to last through tomorrow. i deserve so much fucking sleep. and someone to snuggle with in my cold, empty bed. oh i'm so lonely on christmas eve. not fair.

listening to: rainer maria - put me to sleep

christ i'm going nuts with editting... and you're all sick of hearing about it.

listening to: the b-52's - planet claire (for the millionth time)

i am wearing my fun winter socky things and EDITTING EDITTING EDITTING like a madwoman

listening to: alex-"no rhythm"-ander on the djembe

"......you and i are both ugly...." -- quoth my dear sister
oh i love her. that thing made my day. i haven't laughed so hard in a millenia.

i stayed up till damn 2am editting... i just couldn't stop -- until nsync came on. then i ran to bed.
i am being forced to a haircut appointment this afternoon and i don't know what to do. i'll probably just shove my head at susan and say "SNIP SNIP!" we'll see.

break things to do:
-edit country spacecraft ballerina
-edit cindy movie
-edit much finer
-shoot documentary about our relatives
-help morgan work on her animation video
-get my driving permit
-hang out with all my lovers
-read
-cd shopping with brock
-make photos for mom
-buy/make presents for like 30 people
-wrap presents
-somehow find time for christmas

listening to: the fellowship of the ring

katherine and i are ALMOST done with "much finer." we finally have all the shots and everything is ready to be done. if only if only.

everyone has been filming madly over the past few days to finish our cinderella remake. now we're incredibly tired and katherine is out of town, so editting hasn't started yet. but when it does... look out.

just talked to brock on the phone for almost 3 hours. played yoshi. absolutely mutilated my neck. made a mile-high pile of cat hair. found lots of bruises and discovered that my knee is also turning pink. times are good.

listening to: liars - we live NE of compton

I'M SO GLAD I GOT TO SEE TARAH!!!!
we hung out around cooper-young and had a chat over cheese fries. i also had a therapy appointment today. i definitely don't want to talk about that, though. mom is making me edit "country spacecraft" because she wants to take it to the relatives. woo boy. i've got another hour to edit or something. fuck.

listening to: blue mountain - let's go runnin'

i've killed the movie and i don't know how. i stayed up way later than i meant to. again. i have had a horrible day. i think i will go die.

my leg is itching like hell. it's been doing this on and off every few hours for the last couple weeks. i don't know if i have mentioned it. that itch on my chest never went away either. i am starting to get itches/red spots on all the places where i have birthmarks. it's very strange. brock keeps telling me to get it looked at. he thinks i'm full of cancer.

listening to: chicks on speed - for all the boys in the world

i should have had the greatest day. it seems like a day entirely full of phone calls, movies, and partying should be entirely great. i guess it was the lack of sleep, but for most of today i was really unhappy. the majority of the time i probably didn't seem unhappy because i was trying to make the best of it. but damn. i felt constantly either annoyed, lonely, or depressed.... i think i should go to bed earlier tonight.
after i woke up this morning, i called brock to see about being my "date" to zoe's party (which he could not be), and katherine to see about filming. i ended up on the phone for a large part of the day, until katherine came here around 2. i was going to zoe's party at 3, and working to finish her gift (the liner notes for a cd of becca's show). katherine and morgan were somewhat distracting in getting it done, and then the printer was being a murderer, so it was 4:30 before me and mom (the only family members who ended up going to the party) got there and we only stayed for about 40 minutes. it was nice getting to see zoe, however briefly. we got back home, where katherine and morgan were attempting to edit the movie. sallis came over at 5:30 and we shot his and morgan's scenes. brock came around 7 and we shot his and morgan's scene. sallis left to pick up allison -- we had devised an evil plot to get her to my house. at about 4, allison and called and said her dad wouldn't let her come to film, just whitney hubbard's party at 8. we were like "WHAT THE FUCK" so we got him to drop her off at the hotel where the party was half an hour early so that sallis could come get her and we could film the last scenes of the movie. it was way too complicated, and i was already irritated.
luckily, everything worked out and we got everything shot. at 9, katherine's dad picked up lauren henry and then got everyone (except sallis, who went home, and morgan, who stayed home) from my house and took us to the party. i hadn't really thought about what the party was going to be like, so i can't say that it wasn't what i expected. it's what i SHOULD have been expecting, and i wish i'd thought about it beforehand because if i had, i wouldn't have gone. it was basically just undanceable hiphop music and strange punch. katherine, lauren, allison, brock, and i danced in a little clump to the best of our ability. it got really really really old though. we stood around. we attempted more dancing. there was sex on the dancefloor which allison filmed. etc etc. brock and i got bored off our asses and went to get cake, but as we were about to sit, a song he really liked came on so he went to dance for a few songs. he had a great time doing... i won't say what. but he's also very much a people watcher. later on, it really bothered me that when the five of us were dancing his head was constantly turned around. oh well. people notice him.
so i sat there alone with my cake and got really unhappy. that's basically it. katherine, lauren, and allison came over eventually, but it didn't really do any good. we went back out to dance after a while, like i said before. brock was doing his amazing eggbeater shake during that milkshake song, and this girl (a great dancer -- i'd been noticing her all night) came over to dance with him. apparently she was trying to grind with him but he turned around and she was like "no no no!" and he thought she had gone away or something. and then me, being a total fucking idiot, grabbed him and said in his ear "YOU'RE SO HOT!" but apparently it looked like i was going "MINE!!" and being possessive and pissed off. no wonder that girl was looking at me. i feel really bad about that. i feel like that's something brock is really concious of -- that people think we're together, so he conciously tries to avoid looking like that. and i fucked up his dance with that girl. man i'm awful.
later, we were all dancing in a group again and this guy came up and it sounded like i said "can i join in" or something so i sort of opened up a space for him in our circle. apparently, however, he was asking to dance? so he ended up with lauren. it was pretty funny, but i felt bad. also during that, i had sort of given up (again) on not having a good time and dancing my little heart out. well, as best i could to that shitty music. all i know is that some tall guy was doing some strange thing behind me and i think he was making worlds of fun of me, but i couldn't see him so. but after that i felt like an annoyed, lonely, depressed idiot. i left at 11, feeling awful. i am still in a terrible mood. god that party was a bad idea. a bad end to what would have been an at least remotely bad day. i'm annoyed at myself for not having more fun. but fuck.

listening to: le tigre - writing on the walls

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU, TARAH! WEEEEEE!!

listening to: le tigre - yr critique

ahhhh i'm SO excited about movies!! i don't want to write a very long post, because i want to go edit "much finer" and then import all the new footage for the new movie. last night brock, wesley, morgan, and i met up with foot and co. at paradiso to see return of the king, only to discover that jackie douglas's entire birthday crew was also there. it would've been nice to sit altogether, but what with it being sold out, it was impossible. i had a great time being Movies with brock, as per usual, and he got veeeery into it, which made me glad, because he hasn't really liked the other movies. so at least now he understands. after the movie, we stood outside with jackie's party crew, and i did my stupid Loud Obnoxious Alanna thing... i wish people would hurt me when i do that. morgan went home with foot, and shortly after i got home myself, katherine came over. we editted like mad even though it was almost midnight. we made 2am cookies and props for the movie, editted, filmed, etc. it was awesome, and even though we were up till 4 we accomplished worlds. we got up at 10am and worked some more. then we had our awesome tailgate party... it was a tiny success in its own right. i can't wait to show you guys some footage. wee! thanks SOOOOO MUCH to everyone who got to be there, and all you kids who couldn't come-- we missed you desparately. the best part was our spice girls choreography. and sallis, i made you dance! like a mutha!! i hope you don't hate me... but you were good at it. (sallis needs a lesson from kimberly. serious.) so then brock, morgan, and i came back here where brock washed off his makeup and his mom took us back to their house, where we 'babysat' wesley i.e. we talked about cartoons, i looked at his yu-gi-oh cards, and we all watched "pirates of the caribbean." this had been the night we planned to watch "y tu mama" BUT brock wanted to bring a sort of 'cover' movie from my house, and we ended up picking something wesley really wanted to watch. but it turned out very well because brock had wanted to see it anyway. we also listened to avril lavigne and laughed our asses off. ("my thoughts are so deep sometimes i can't speek" and i'm not kidding about that line.) then dad came. and here i am. and shit i've gotta edit. muthafuck.
what do i give whitney hubbard for a gift?
.......air

listening to: le tigre - get off the internet

EVERYONE COME TO A STAGED PARTY AND BE AN EXTRA IN OUR MOVIE.
u of m parking lot (across from the music building)
2pm
we NEED you!!! (and a portable grill if you have one, because that would be hysterical.)
....there will be cookies....

listening to: coast to coast on 600am

i have a headache. i hope i survive lord of the rings. maybe i should shower.

i can't remember why i stayed up so late. fuck.
someone better call and wake me up.
i couldn't make any more cookies because we are out of chocolate chips.

SALLIS. YOU'RE SO HOT. DID YOU KNOW?

listening to: sleater-kinney - all hands on the bad one

can everyone i know PLEASE come over and watch this pixies documentary i downloaded with me? i'm totally up for having a party for it. oh god please. that would be so much fun. probably to no one but me. but who cares about that?
brock and i are going to watch y tu mama tambien tomorrow if he can get a ride over here.... anyone is invited. please come.

listening to: sleater-kinney - good things

today was very good! i took my Ugly Cookies to school, and they were a bigger hit than i expected. becca really liked them, at least. i was really disappointed that i fucked them up again, but i think i'm going to try to make them again tonight or tomorrow. take bets on whether or not i'll fuck them up again. also, i gave tarah her present, but i don't know if she liked it. i didn't get to talk to her. oh well. i am a terrible artist anyway. i felt really silly that my make-up presents were supposed to be those cookies, and they turned out so fucking awful. i need to get real gifts. why am i so dumb? i was a super loud idiot at lunch today... i think it was the cookies and all these people i don't usually have lunch with. it would be really awesome to see them all every day (with a couple exceptions) but it made me really hyper and obnoxious, i'm sure.
i only had one exam, which i FINISHED. hell yes. that's probably because it was algebra, and we were allowed to omit two problems from every unit. that was really cool. there was one problem i couldn't figure out, and it really bothered me. aroighe. but aside from that. after study hall and algae, we had a holiday program. it was really the dumbest scheduling idea in the world. we should've had a half day to begin with, but sticking 2000 restless kids in an auditorium for a couple hours for christmas songs is ridiculous. mansfield got really pissed off at everybody being disrespectful, but what was anyone supposed to do?
thank god for kevin's hair, or else i never ever would've found him, laylee, and becca to sit with. and thank god i happened to see brock striding into the auditorium, so he and sallis came over also. katherine also appeared when the band concert was over, in which she performed a beautiful oboe solo on some lullaby christmas ditty. we filmed some silly things, and had a good time in general.
after school, we went to ms. kitts' classroom to film a scene for the new movie, and it went very well. we had time to do a few takes, both my way and katherine's way. it's nice to do that, so we can compromise later. i LOVE movies with katherine. it's too too great. since tim jackson refused the part of prince charming, brock has taken over. he is actually very good. well. he hasn't any lines yet, but. i got a feeling. ms. kitts was very very sweet and flattering as usual. she introduces me and brock as "poets," and katherine has a "dancer." since we're "filmmakers" she was kind enough to actually let us use her classroom to be really silly. i'm SO glad that allison accepted the part of cinderella, because she is HYSTERICAL. i'm a lot more excited about this than i was before today. the funny thing is that we basically have just this weekend to do the whole movie, because katherine is going out of town on monday afternoon, and we want to enter it in the international film festival. hooray! it's a lot like romeo + juliet revisted, only with a couple more days, a little more practice, bigger cast, more originality, etc. i should shut up about this, and just wait to post the movie or something. how hot is that?! oh while i'm talking about it. you can download the song we made for the scene right here.
we filmed another scene featuring katherine, alice, and brock. it was too much damn fun. we got yelled at by some black teacher lady with cow-print tweety bird car-seat covers. i rolled around in some leaves and climbed into a shopping cart that someone had abandoned (thrown) into one of those courtyard things in front of the school. then we walked to high point coffee, where katherine's mom picked us up, took alice home, and drove the three of us to my house. we sat around. i can't even remember what we did, other than a little editting and this. oh yeah, i scream/sung "little mouth" for them. i don't think i've ever done that with people actually home. but katherine was like "wow you need to front a band" and i laughed and laughed. but it got us into a music mood, and they went and found my guitar. i don't even know where that shit was. how do these people manage to navigate my house better than me? so my family had gone to see return of the king, alice and lauren h came over after a while, and we had a lovely time. we recorded aforementioned song, and it was awesome. it was a really fun, productive night. i wish every day was so nice and winter.

listening to: it's soooo fuzzyyyyy

I KILLED MY COOKIES. I'M SO FUCKING UPSET.

listening to: npr

i just wanted to pop in quickly to mention--
1) tarah gave me my christmas present today, and it is AWESOME. i love that girl. i intend to take a picture of it soon, to show off.
2) i made tarah's christmas present. it's insane how long that shit took me!! i'll post it after i've given it to her.
3) i made fucking sleepytime cookies for everyone i don't have a present for yet (the population of the universe). those bitches better appreciate alanna slaving over a stove at 11pm, licking sugar off the whisk. hot damn!

has it been a while since i posted? i can't remember, so i am assuming yes.
exams are going on and on and i drink my coke and jews. all i can say about chem and the lingua latina is that they're over. today i had ap engrish and ap u.s. goodbye life. each of them had a huge multiple choice section and an essay. history was WAY more painful than english. with english, if you do shitty then that's about it. there's no way you can prepare for the test, so you just sort of stare at your grades and shrug. but with history, i swear to god. i studied with margaret at her house last night, and studied the rest of the night until i fell asleep, pausing only to talk to brock on the phone. for like an hour. that's okay. so i spent the whole day, when i wasn't doing my english exam or eating, i studied history. and i think i failed. it's pissing me off, but i'm not going to let it bother me too much.
i don't really have anything else to say. only one exam tomorrow... i would just check in/out for it, but we are filming, plus katherine is playing in the holiday program. hooray! ahh remember the days of ninth grade? reminisce with me.
alice just gave me the link to mr. fox's blog. hell yes.
i need to do all my fucking christmas presents tonight. any ideas? fuck. who wants to have a solstice party ass with me? yeah you heard right. holly up the ass.

listening to: against me! - impact

i came because i thought there was something to say, but now i can't think of it. only that there's all kinds of hairs in my apple jews, and it's getting gross.
I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT MOVIES! today we worked a lot on Cindy (idea-wise, sadly) and brock had a music idea for "get off the internet" by le tigre. morgan had the idea that we should do a sort of documentary about our southern georgian relatives, featuring a making of for Rabid Beaver since the real movie got fucked up.
chemistry and latin exams tomorrow.... NOOooooo. fuck. the latin is a lot more overwhelming than i thought it would be. but i guess that's what i deserve for taking it as a joke all damn year. so now i have all this vocabulary to memorize and all these clauses and parts of speech and tenses and bullshit. i'm not even going to look at chemistry again. and you can forget "early" studying for history and algebra because fuck that's not happening. okay i need to shut up about school so that i can go do the damn work, drink my jews, and go the fuck to bed.
sorry for such a schooly post. i hate these bitches.

ck's and chemistry with becca for 5 hours makes alanna a very smoky-smelling girl. and daddy complained allllll the way home.
must chem-ate some more. ruff ruff.

listening to: documentary about altman guy

mom asked me to see which christmas lights worked and i fucking BURNED MY HAND. TWICE. good god.
morgan threw orange rinds at me and i'm disgusted.

listening to: dexy's midnight runners - come on eileen

oh my fucking gooooddddd why am i awake?!

listening to: owl & the pussycat - blinds

i think there's coke in my hair

i'm really sorry i haven't been blogged the past couple days... to tarah, at least. she complained about lack of things to read. poor dear. i'm really mad at myself for not writing that lion king review yet. i think when i finally do it's going to suck, which is why i avoid it. because i can't really remember it as well as i'd like. god damn. also, i have comments now! again! it's sick how many times i've had them and taken them away. but sallis and becca said they wanted some, so we're going to try it out again. but every time people say they want them, they get underused and depressed me. so we'll see how it works out.
last night brock came over right after i discovered that the tv in the comic room was indeed alive. morgan and i thought it had been broken for like a year, and in truth she had just unplugged it. ahahahahah. okay i thought htat was funny. so brock and i played donkey kong and it was awesome. then we got restless and walked to midtown foods, were we collectively bought some chips, oreos, fig newtons, and a coconut. brock got really impatient about taking it home, and as soon as we got outside the store, he whacked it against the concrete. of course the thing exploded and there was coconut milk everywhere. brock suddenly became very lax about his no-other-lips-on-my-liquid rule. it was great. coconut is not that exciting, other than the shape and the cracking. i don't like the flavor of fake coconut, as things go, but real coconut tastes like nothing. at any rate, it's in my fridge if anyone wants some.
we watched lilo and stich, ate camy's pizza, then watched waiting for guffman. it was a really laidback kind of night, which was nice. i fell asleep literally minutes after brock left, at around 11.
morgan woke me up way too early this morning with her stupid bathwater running. agoihea. that's okay. i had a strangely funny dream about brock. all i remember is that he, morgan, her friend (could've been eileen?), and i were hanging out at our house, and then brock's mom came to get him a lot earlier than normal. we were all sad that he had to go, so she invited us back to their house for a while. in a room that i guess was supposed to be brock's, even though it was huge and not his room, we just sort of hung out or something in a way that we all fell asleep with morgan and eileen(?) on a windowseats on opposite sides of the room, and brock and i asleep on two beds pushed together in the middle. or maybe they were only pushed together when we woke up. i don't really know. so we did indeed wake up, and we were randomly alone and probably cuddling. we talked for a bit and suddenly there was this director shouting at us to start our lines. we were supposed to be doing this romantic scene. it was pretty funny. we would say this huge intense dramatic love lines and then be sort of whispering through gritted teeth how awkward it was, or how awful the director was. our scene was supposed to culminate in a kiss, but i think we somehow got too excited and overdid it. what a funny little dream.
today was Cleaning Day so that we have room for a christmas tree in the house, which we are going to get tomorrow. i did a pretty good job, in my way. i guess we all did, until we gave up. like always. aha. so around 1:30 becca called and invited me to borders to study chemistry, which i have an exam for on tuesday, so i was like hells yes! i really wanted to get out of the house, and it'd be awesome to do that in the presence of becca ...not to mention that i needed the studying. we got quite a bit done, even though we got really wrapped up in talking for a little while. it's really hard to study with someone who you don't see a whole lot because you sort of have to catch up with your talking, or something feels unfair. and either way, it wouldn't be a waste of time. she had to babysit at 5, so her dad came to get her at like 4:30. morgan's friend chase mistook me for morgan. it was very cute. his mom recognized me from grahamwood, which is funny. i always think it's funny when people recognize me. and even more funny when people mistake me for morgan! god damn! we do NOT look that much alike, and this is from a kid who sees her every damn day. i also ran into wenli and melissa t, and i got to talk to them a little. wenli asked me what she should get for brock, and i felt like such a WIFE. it was funny, especially since lately people keep saying stuff about us as Unit. morgan especially is always saying that we act married. i think people only point it out a lot because we're different genders, though.
which reminds me. brock's dad called me a dyke. HAHAHA.
today was okay though. after i went home, i just talked to brock, then laylee, then no one, then brock again on the phone. it was very very lazy, and full of yoshi. then i helped morgan with her mix cd christmas presents until brandon called, and i talked to him until about 1:20. lying in the bed and talking made me REALLY REALLY tired but as soon as i got up to hang up the phone, i lost tiredness. so i came to blog and this was supposed to make me tired, but i don't know if it's working because now i'm talking to zoe and i don't feel like i can just leave her all sad here. we'll see. god i love this album.

listening to: neutral milk hotel - oh comely

HAVE I MENTIONED THAT I HATE LIFE?

okay break for a minute--
robitussin am: seriously. we could take over the world
robitussin am: or at least the greater metropolitan area
robitussin am: i don't think you understand our combined potential

listening to: the make up - c'mon, let's spawn

so last night i hurt my eye somehow.. i don't really know. but i felt like it just had something in it so i took a really damn long shower trying to get it out. but it would not get out. mom said it looked like i had cut it somehow... and that brock had called, so we had a really really nice long conversation until 10:30. then he had to go to bed, and i had to do homework. it was really hard to read fucking faulkner with my eye feeling so weird. dad came in to tell me goodnight and said maybe i should stay home tomorrow. i was like "maybe...." because the last few times i've been absent, i've felt really guilty for it. but i ended up falling asleep not even halfway through the reading assignment, and still latin and history left to do. i woke up at like 2:30 in the morning, cleaned off the damn bed, and went back to sleep. i vaguely remember mom and/or dad coming in to wake me up this morning, and them deciding it would be better if i stayed home today. i didn't wake up until 1, when mom called to check up on me. my eye feels a lot better, but i obviously needed the damn sleep, so i'm glad i stayed home. i hope i'm not missing too much har har har har har.

listening to: air - bathroom girl

you looked to be a bird to me
you said you’d teach me to fly
you asked me to shake my cat skin
for you, i gladly abliged
in my sudden unprotection, cold, alone
you saw my vulnerablity
you snatched away what you could take
i’m left without my screams

you rode in and saved my day
when it was a convenient use of time
when you needed me, i jumped hurtles
i raced rivers, i went blind
then when i would call you up
you conveniently declined
my dreams fell through nets of hope
before i finally fell to mine

tap tap tap were your hands on the steering wheel
blue turns black when i see what is really real
back back back to when i’m free
so you’re a rat rat rat -- i hate what has become of me

when dish and spoon eloped together
they just sent the cow to the moon
the cat and the bat became runaways today
and left the rat to its own
we run we’ll run through every field
we’ll go everywhere in eyesight
with your false wings, you can’t limit us
we’ll be everything in starlight

tap tap tap were your hands on the steering wheel
blue turns black when i see what is really real
back back back to when i’m free
so you’re a rat rat rat -- i hate what has become of me
rat rat rat! you're digging through the trash, i see

call the sun
ask him if he’s up for it
call the sea
to help us find a place to fit......
call the cat cat cat!
the kitty’s got a game to play
cat cat cat, chase the mousies all away

i just found out that the co-op art house has moved to sunday nights at 8. that is bad for me because it means i'll be able to go even less regularly than i did last year. oh well. i was thinking about maybe going to the thing there this saturday, though. anyone up for that mess?
today is okay. i have apple juice, so all is well. i got online last night after katherine left, and brandon's away message was something about "waiting for lovertits for days" and talking to him was just awesome.
i can't remember anything else that happened today, except that i got a 71 on a chemistry test and i'm really nervous about that grade. i had a 55 on my progress report. i'm hoping to pass the test on friday, but i've also got the ap u.s. and english tests to worry about. fuckaaa i really shouldn't be online. it's okay because i'm in an okay mood. i think it's at least partially because of Happy Tuesday last night... that was great. unfortunately, katherine didn't get home until about 10:30 and she told her parents we'd been working on movies, not studying. so now she isn't allowed to drive for a long time. it's bad. i hope we can still DO the movie.... it's going to be tough, because we have to get everything filmed before break if we want to enter the film festival. if you want to help with ideas, shooting, or acting please let us know. or if you've got a hamster.
also katherine said my comment on ted's blog encouraged her to also post... i like that. it felt weird to be reading it without his knowledge. i encourage everyone to do that with every blog. ted wants to do recycle stuff around the school, and katherine and i offered to a video for the announcements. that'd be pretty interesting.
okay. i better get out of here.
OH YEAH THOUGH. morgan has a new blog. she wants readers. do it. (she made me edit that image really fucking fast. i hope she lets me fix it.)

listening to: the postal service - the district sleeps alone tonight

katherine just went home. she came and picked me up around 7 or something and we went to starbucks and talked about movies. then we went to the cyber cafe and worked on the plot of our cinderella remake. at like 9, we decided it was late and time for her to take me home. she ended up coming inside to see morgan, and we talked a little about the movie, but had a HUGE great conversation. she just left, and i'm in a great mood.

starbucks beauty of the day--
mysterious indian guys: are you guys writing a play?
us: no... a movie
mysterious indian guys: for a course?
us: no... we are actually supposed to be studying.
mysterious indian guys: everyone else is studying, you are different.

oo-de-lally, i have a craving for one of those new sonic blasts. oh hell. oh oh. i'm hungry and starving, happy and bleeding. oh oh oh ohoh ohohhhhhh i hate tex wex. fuck.

today was actually a pretty decent day. go figure. i think i was still glowing from the weekend, to an extent. it was a very good weekend. le sigh. plus i was still feeling very Band because of talking with margaret on thursday night, so i tried to write a song in study hall. aha.
school was school. homework was homework i.e. it's nowhere near being done. in between was a phone call with brock, pancakes for dinner, and a really good session of therapy. part of why it went well, i think, was that it was the first time in FOREVER that i have been there without mom, so talking felt easier. i am terrified to say anything when she's in there, for some reason. also what we talked about today really jumped around, we weren't just stuck on anxiety things like usual. i talked about Incident Of Weekend that i knew mom would've wanted me to mention, even though i almost forgot to aha.
(when i got home yesterday after spending the night at laylee's, mom interrogated me and asked if i behaved. i said "yes!" 50 gazillion times, but she said i looked guilty so i finally told her that people had wine but that i didn't have any. so she gave me more drinking lectures which turned into sex lectures. it was really funny.) i liked how lady told me to handle it from now on, though. sometimes her suggestions make me vomit, but this one i liked and mom did too -- i am supposed to be able to call mom and tell her things like "so and so is drinking, i'm not. but i want to hang out here for a while longer." and if mom is not comfortable she can come and get me from wherever, and eventually she will see that i am trustworthy and making good choices, blah blah blah. since i don't really have that much interest in drinking anyway it doesn't really matter. but whatever. it's more about mom than me. and it would be really cool if i could be more close to her, i think. i mean christ she's going to be around for a while, you know? i should get used to her.
then i, for some reason, mentioned that a bunch of people i know are on medication and/or go to therapy, and brock and i had discussed the other day what it would be like to be presented with the choice of meds, etc. she asked if i thought i needed it, and i said no, but then i did talk about how i get depressed. i am really proud of myself for that, because it's something i haven't talked about at all in there or to anyone at home, and they never notice that kind of shit. plus mom has depression, and it's genetic. lady said really funny thing concerning genetics, as "the gift that keeps on giving" and did this cute laugh. i also made her laugh/squeak today. it was nice, but i don't know what it was about. ha. she also talked about how depression and anxiety (which are both genetic, and which my parents have respectively) go hand in hand. so i'm basically doomed. it's okay. she made me feel a lot more comfortable about the depression thing too. she said i should try to look for patterns in when i get depressed and everything, and that we can talk about them in sessions and fix things. she also said that usually for depression neither just talk therapy or just meds work, and that both are most effective. i thought that was kind of interesting.
i just realized how hysterical it is that i post all this shit about therapy on my blog. i think i'm going to kill myself now.

alanna stewart had a great fucking weekend, hell yes!

today fucking sucked. not for any one particular reason, but everything about school was bad. by the end of the day i was so damn depressed. we had a short spice girls dance party in the parking lot after school, but even that didn't really fix stuff. i came home alone and sat around feeling dumb. brittany called, which was the best part of the afternoon. i told her to come to becca's show, and we just talked, and it was nice. then i tried to call laylee because i was sad. i forgot she was at that thing thing. stupid me. i called brock to ask him to bring me blank video tapes so that i could film becca's show. we didn't talk very long after that so i ended up nearly taking a couple naps. i was really tired from my week of bad sleeping habits, so i guess that is good. then morgan went over to eileen's, and mom and i watched the beginning of "the crow." aha. basically it was a fucking awful day, afternoon, and early evening. i got dad to drive me to java at 8. brock had already arrived; i think he forgot that he was supposed to call me when he got there. i was still in a sad little mood, even though i was excited about the show. i shmoozed around and played with the many varieties of magic 8-balls with sallis, kevin, brock and cuddled laylee for a while. brock and i made the mistake of leaving our place on the couch to get drinks. in reality, this should not have taken any time at all. but the BITCH WOMAN FROM HELL was working tonight, and she totally ignored us for like 15 minutes. so we lost our places to elise's friend laura and some guy from ridgeway. elise and some guy eric got there, and completely avoided me and brock. it was really hilarious, if you think about it. then brittany and her entire family showed up, which was also hilarious. brock, alice, lauren h, brittany, and i played with chess pieces during daniel's poetry reading. i thought that becca had asked him to do all funny stuff, but apparently not. i think that is better considering the nature of becca's set, but i am not too impressed with most of his stuff. so becca came on, and she was of course AMAZING. i love all the new songs. the show tonight was really intense, really different from last time. with that, she had played the songs for a (partially, at least) similiar crowd so many times before that we had all developed a pattern. becca was very big on eye contact and grins and it was adorable and very fun. so even if the nature of the song was sad, you had a great fucking time anyway. with this show, most of the songs were things that she hadn't played for audiences and most of them were very sad and very beautiful. the show turned out very intense, which i thought was really awesome, especially considering my state. i would rather see someone totally into her music and sad sad than happy and cute, even though both are great. it's so impressive how becca has evolved and matured since just august. i know she was anxious about how the shit went down, but i don't think she had any reason to be. the only things that disappointed me were that i wished the set was longer, and that some people who were supposed to come didn't show up. margaret, christie, jenny, elizabeth, robin, etc -- where the fuck were you?! spacebat ass!??!!?! fuck that!
i can't really talk. after becca's set and generally hanging out-ness, katherine, alice, lauren, tarah, brock and i went over to hi-tone to see the tail end of the mutant spacebats show. i danced like a mutha, and it was the most upbeat part of my whole fucking day. dancing can make everything better for me. it was just so good. then svetlana was there and tried to grind with brock again. for fuck's sake. i really hate her. stupid ho. alice had to be home my midnight, so i got home around 11:45. now i've been hanging out, and talking to hannaH, and making mp3s of becca's show. ask her if you can hear them. plus evan williams's copies are probably better.

listening to: becca bobango - morning sickness

dear god i fell asleep reading history. and i so determined not to this time. well at least morgan woke me up so now i can do my english paper. good luck, alanna.

wow. guys. i saw lion king at the orpheum. it was so fucking great. i can't even tell you. you have to see it. but i think the only day that isn't sold out is christmas eve. try to get out of that family shit. serious.
i have every intention of writing a silly little alanna-ish review. but right now i have a huge date with my english homework. and history. and apwoehipioahgopawghiweh fucka

listening to: sleater-kinney - lions and tigers

today managed to be really really awesome. i don't know how. brock also had a great day. it's nice how cosmic we are. we both woke up at 6:40 this morning (very late). i can't think of anything really specific that was nice. i think it was just sort of to combat my icky feeling of yesterday. i felt really fresh. like i did at the beginning of the year, maybe. it was just really nice somehow. that's about it. okay.

listening to: romeo void - never say never

Laylee2000: BUT THE PORN ALANNA
Laylee2000: WHY WEREN'T YOU THINKING ABOUT THE PRON

ahahahahahhahahahahahah.
smashing pumpkins' "tonight, tonight" video is SO damn pretty.

brandon is god, partially because he is the only other person i know who hates the perks of being a wallflower. hooray!!

listening to: feed - debaser (pixies cover)

i'm really sad. everything is depressing. i am trying to make sallis not feel so bad, and trying to be happy for everyone else, except for bitching at tarah.
quoth tarah rhoda "if i liked you anymore, then im pretty sure i'd be lesbian."
what a good kid.

a beautiful video: "pagan poetry" by bjork.
DO NOT WATCH IT if you have a low pain tolerance
awoghiiopawghopawghopawih.

i'm drinking draft root beer, am in a wonderful mood, and am preparing to blog to you the joys and trials of my thanksgiving holiday. hooray for long alanna postage. (hopefully. if you're laylee.)
wednesday: i went to bed shortly after i blogged, around 3, after said AWESOME conversation time with tarah and aj. what amazing kids. i'm so lucky to have the friends i do. plus, it had been a while since i've really talked to either of them, and it was sort of funny how the conversations were sometimes in a really similiar vein and sometimes totally dissimilar. i clambered into bed and unlocked my window, having promised eileen that i would. i told her she could come play at our house while we were gone, and i didn't think she'd actually come but it was something of a priniciple. i fell asleep listening to vespertine which made me really happy. unfortunately, i forgot to take it out of the cd player for the trip in the morning.
thursday: i was woken up far too early for my poor body. on the way to jackson, i listened to fiona apple and slept. i always forget how short granny is. i guess it's really her 'fault' that i'm so short -- her eye level is at my chest. (no wonder she is constantly talking about my figure.) we had a short little break before the actual thanksgiving meal, and the normal post-dinner talking. mom usually leaves the first, to go take her nap. this time morgan left too. dad, granny, and i talked a while. well. granny told her same old stories, and we listened, and granddaddy sat at the other end of the table very silent. what can i say? they're strange little old southern baptist people. i left a message on sallis's cell phone, since he was in town the same time as me and i thought it'd be cool to see him while we were stuck in jackson. i also called brock, but he was just sitting down to a movie. so i watched i love the 80s strike back with my familia before brandon called, demanding my help on his christmas wish list. i really didn't help at all, but we got to talk so that was cool. then brock called, and i talked to him for 15 minutes longer than i was supposed to, but it was really good to talk to him all the same. unfortunately, i ran down my phone's battery like a mutha and i forgot to bring my chargie thing. oh well. after we got off the phone, i watched dumb vh1 shows with dad and morgan until i nearly fell asleep on the couch staring at miss apple bottoms.
friday: hooray for eggs and biscuits and bacon and real breakfasts! after eating we headed over to barnes and noble for book shopping. i was excited about going but when we got there i didn't really know what i wanted to do there. i ended up at the newstand looking for a new music magazine. dad and i collectively bought cmj new music, magnet, and the new rolling stone featuring top 500 albums of all time. we took morgan home, with a huuuuge stack of books she got for her friends for christmas, and then dropped off mom at tj maxx. dad and i went to the cd sale at circuit city, where i bought AFI and flogging molly. guilty pleasures like a mutha. i'm actually considering giving the flogging molly to someone as a present... but i've just blogged it HAHA and that means i could only give it to brock now. but who else would want it? oh well. maybe i won't give it away. phh. dad got the smiths and the rolling stones. mom got wrapping paper. morgan took a nap. we spent the rest of the day mulling over and arguing with the rolling stone top 500. i made everyone write down the ones they owned. it wasn't very interesting, but there was nothing else to do. and i love lists and patterns and things, so. apwoghiwgopeh obsessive alanna aoiwghepioghoahi. today brock and i were talking about how hard it is to find your real love job in life and actually be able to do it. there's so much pressure to find it that it's really hard to actually notice when it's there, you're so busy looking. the only thing that i just absolutely love with no inhibitions is music... but not the playing of it. i don't really know. brock says he could see me doing the tech stuff, like 'recording engineer'-wise, i guess. or i could do music videos maybe. or just ... buy cds and work at mcdonalds. then again i'd have to like. live in my car, to have enough money to buy albums anyway. agowiphpogihw i'm so offtrack. we watched interview with the vampire at midnight, and that's all that matters. oh i did get to talk to sallis briefly. we talked about hanging out after dinner, but he didn't get home until 9 so he couldn't call back. too bad.
saturday: i woke up to the sound of granny's tv with a really bad headache. i got up because i couldn't lie in the bed any longer, and went to lie on the couch with mom instead. i had some cheerios. went back to the couch. dad gave me an advil, and mom rubbed my back a lot, which made me really happy. the headache got no better. i had another advil. i went back to the bed, where i stayed for a damn long time. we were supposed to leave at 2 today, but dad didn't want to wake me up when i was feeling so bad. they had to, eventually, and we stumbled out of jackson around 3. as we were driving away, i put on my headphones, siamese dream by smashing pumpkins. it is by no means a quiet album, but it automatically sent away my headache. i really don't understand it. i don't know why i hadn't tried that already, since i know music does that to me sometimes. the album ended, and i played some my bloody valentine before we stopped in grenada for fooooood for me, having slept through lunch. when we got back in the car, my headache was creeping back in so i put on live through this by hole, and everything was back to good. i love that album. so i also played celebrity skin just to make sure i packed it in. it was a nice drive; i didn't sleep at all.
we were in downtown memphis around 6, and i finally checked my messages on my near-dead phone. i had a simple one from brock, but i was glad that he left it since he usually doesn't leave messages but he knows i get annoyed when people don't leave them. hooray for that. i had an awesome one from brandon telling me that frosty the snowman was on tv and i was going to miss it. when we got home, mom ordered pizza before i called brock. he had some relatives over and was expected to stay at home, so we couldn't hang out. i didn't feel like calling around because i figured everyone would be busy. so brock and i just had a nice long phone conversation. unforunately, he was ripped prematurely out of it by his mother for reasons still unknown to me. too bad. actually, if we didn't get kicked off the phone we would never stop talking, i'm sure. i think every single conversation we've had, someone has stopped it other than us. okay, maybe there were some "shitload of homework" or "i'm busy" ones. but still. moving on. i had some pizza. sat around online. watched trailers for the director's series, which i'm really excited about. (i'm assuming that my family is giving at least one to me for christmas.) watched degrassi with morgan. talked to some kids online. this is about it.
oh i commented on ted's blog. i'm afraid becca will be mad because she had a very specific thing about him not knowing that we read it... but i know i'd be really annoyed if someone was reading my blog and i had no idea. plus, tarah has been saying very good things about him. and apparently he told her i'm very honest and sincere. i appreciate that a lot, especially since he thinks i hate him. i really don't hate him, though. tarah thinks we'd get along... hahaa. you never know.

listening to: AFI - bleed black
(have i ever mentioned i ADORE davey havok?!)

You are "Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred. There are a lot of theories on what you're about, but you actually poke fun at self-absorbed male models. Then again, who doesn't?
What One-hit-wonder are you?
that's a quiz by my friend bly. hooray for her new knowledge of javascript!
tarah and i have been having an awesome conversation. i really like talking to her, if i haven't said that before. she's a great talker and a great listener, and she thinks i am truthful and sincere, and we have very good talking. woohoo! unfortunately she signed off a minute ago without explanation, which is sad because i can't just talk to her tomorrow. i wish i got to see her at school sometimes, if not on the weekend. she's really social and has no time for me. that's okay because we still have really good conversations. i'm also talking to aj ("i want to go to bed but i like talking to you too much"). what a sweet kid. he is sort of venting at me, but in a good/funny way. what can i say, i like the guy.
i should probably go to bed. but that would mean packing for the trip. and damn it. no.

listening to: bjork - isobel

i hung out with morgan and her entorage for part of the day. they watched the second half of 'two towers' again and then lots of extras. it was sort of nuts-driving. so i rotated sitting in here downloading pixies covers and music videos, watching tv and eating cheez-its, and taking a shower or hanging out in my room. it was kind of bleggity. i talked to brock on the phone for a little, and then laylee. they came over and didn't even notice my teeth ahahaah. but after katherine asked, they kept making me smile and it was silly and laylee touched them all night. anyway we went to see "the station agent" which was pretty good. for the umpteenth time, i love movies with brock. he played with my hand a lot tonight. le sigh.
sallis left me a message on my phone. he is already in jackson, but we don't leave until the morning. i'll try to call him at some point tomorrow, and maybe we can go see a movie together like mom suggested. that would be so nice. and hysterical. hahahaa jackson with sallis how great. okay. so we went back to my house, and laylee called kevin to come get her. we hung out for a little bit in my room before they escaped. then brock was here until about 10:30. he made fun/admired the way i write "st" as one letter. i'd raved about the placebo video to him on the phone, and i showed it to him. near the very end he goes "so where's the lead singer?" meaning he had just watched the whole video and not found brian molko in the LEAST bit interesting. i felt really silly. oh well.

listening to: tuscadero - just my size

my phone works again, for the many fans who have been unable to reach me for the past few days.
brock and laylee are coming over soon, and we're going to see a movie, i believe. it will be nice. morgan is about to go to rehearsal for "red pain(t)" and my teeth feel funny. i hope i have enough money to get into the movie. aha. pixies covers slay me. help help help, laylee.

well, laylee, i knew it would happen. as soon as i burned a cd of pixies covers, after over a year of searching for as many as i possibly could, a whole new slew comes in. today alone i have gotten 8 new ones, and so far they are all good. this is insane. laylee. dear god. i'll never be able to decide. please come help me.
holy jesus one of them is a cover of "where is my mind?" done in GERMAN with tambourine, harmonica, and moaning. god i'm in heaven. and in heaven, everything is fine. you've got your good thing and i've got mine.

listening to: jonus - i've been tired (pixies cover)

how is that i never realized how undeniably HOT brian molko from placebo is? i just watched the video for "pure morning" and jesus christ. not only is he beautiful, it's a really cool video for a good song. i hadn't seen a picture of him for a long time, so when he was first on the screen i couldn't tell if it was really him or some woman. but fuck. FUCK. have i ever mentioned how hot androgyny is?
if you can't download the video, there's a whole mess of stills here. seriously guys. do yourselves a favor. fuck.

i reorganized my cds, and now they fit in ONLY FOUR CASES!!!!!!! have i mentioned that i hate today?

i hate tonight. after i posted last, i gave up on anything and went back to my room to take a dark nap and listen to sad sad jeff buckley. i didn't sleep for long, because there were suddenly the huge noises of three 13/14-year-olds invading the kitchen. even with the music, the pillow over my head, and being rooms and rooms away, i felt like they were right next to me. at one point morgan stormed in, turned on the light, and harassed me with questions. i can't remember what she first came in to tell me, but she kept asking what was wrong and i would say nothing, go away over and over. she wouldn't stop asking or bumbling around on me and i think she felt under my eye to see if i was crying. i wasn't, of course. i was just really unhappy and wanting to sleep. i hate that i can't even be alone in my house. i really want to get out of here, even if i am alone but i can't think of anywhere to go. i really wish i wasn't here.

listening to: "the two towers" and commentaries from the peanut gallery

i just pulled a total Last Year. i had another orthodontist appointment after school, so again i couldn't go with brock and alice and whoever after school. i got back at like 3, and called brock's cell right away. he didn't pick up there or at home. so i tried calling again a minute ago. he said they are at huey's. by then i didn't really know why i called. yes, i wanted to hang out. no, i didn't want to ASK them to come get me, especially if they didn't want me there enough to offer to pick me up. no, i didn't make it apparent that i wish i was there. no, i didn't say i'd try to get a ride once mom gets home.
i am really annoyed with myself. i'm going to be home alone all night.

listening to: lucero - tears don't matter much