i should have had the greatest day. it seems like a day entirely full of phone calls, movies, and partying should be entirely great. i guess it was the lack of sleep, but for most of today i was really unhappy. the majority of the time i probably didn't seem unhappy because i was trying to make the best of it. but damn. i felt constantly either annoyed, lonely, or depressed.... i think i should go to bed earlier tonight.
after i woke up this morning, i called brock to see about being my "date" to zoe's party (which he could not be), and katherine to see about filming. i ended up on the phone for a large part of the day, until katherine came here around 2. i was going to zoe's party at 3, and working to finish her gift (the liner notes for a cd of becca's show). katherine and morgan were somewhat distracting in getting it done, and then the printer was being a murderer, so it was 4:30 before me and mom (the only family members who ended up going to the party) got there and we only stayed for about 40 minutes. it was nice getting to see zoe, however briefly. we got back home, where katherine and morgan were attempting to edit the movie. sallis came over at 5:30 and we shot his and morgan's scenes. brock came around 7 and we shot his and morgan's scene. sallis left to pick up allison -- we had devised an evil plot to get her to my house. at about 4, allison and called and said her dad wouldn't let her come to film, just whitney hubbard's party at 8. we were like "WHAT THE FUCK" so we got him to drop her off at the hotel where the party was half an hour early so that sallis could come get her and we could film the last scenes of the movie. it was way too complicated, and i was already irritated.
luckily, everything worked out and we got everything shot. at 9, katherine's dad picked up lauren henry and then got everyone (except sallis, who went home, and morgan, who stayed home) from my house and took us to the party. i hadn't really thought about what the party was going to be like, so i can't say that it wasn't what i expected. it's what i SHOULD have been expecting, and i wish i'd thought about it beforehand because if i had, i wouldn't have gone. it was basically just undanceable hiphop music and strange punch. katherine, lauren, allison, brock, and i danced in a little clump to the best of our ability. it got really really really old though. we stood around. we attempted more dancing. there was sex on the dancefloor which allison filmed. etc etc. brock and i got bored off our asses and went to get cake, but as we were about to sit, a song he really liked came on so he went to dance for a few songs. he had a great time doing... i won't say what. but he's also very much a people watcher. later on, it really bothered me that when the five of us were dancing his head was constantly turned around. oh well. people notice him.
so i sat there alone with my cake and got really unhappy. that's basically it. katherine, lauren, and allison came over eventually, but it didn't really do any good. we went back out to dance after a while, like i said before. brock was doing his amazing eggbeater shake during that milkshake song, and this girl (a great dancer -- i'd been noticing her all night) came over to dance with him. apparently she was trying to grind with him but he turned around and she was like "no no no!" and he thought she had gone away or something. and then me, being a total fucking idiot, grabbed him and said in his ear "YOU'RE SO HOT!" but apparently it looked like i was going "MINE!!" and being possessive and pissed off. no wonder that girl was looking at me. i feel really bad about that. i feel like that's something brock is really concious of -- that people think we're together, so he conciously tries to avoid looking like that. and i fucked up his dance with that girl. man i'm awful.
later, we were all dancing in a group again and this guy came up and it sounded like i said "can i join in" or something so i sort of opened up a space for him in our circle. apparently, however, he was asking to dance? so he ended up with lauren. it was pretty funny, but i felt bad. also during that, i had sort of given up (again) on not having a good time and dancing my little heart out. well, as best i could to that shitty music. all i know is that some tall guy was doing some strange thing behind me and i think he was making worlds of fun of me, but i couldn't see him so. but after that i felt like an annoyed, lonely, depressed idiot. i left at 11, feeling awful. i am still in a terrible mood. god that party was a bad idea. a bad end to what would have been an at least remotely bad day. i'm annoyed at myself for not having more fun. but fuck.

listening to: le tigre - writing on the walls