today was actually really fucking awesome. psats? fuck that! so i only finished like 2 of the sections. if that. i had an awesome day! take that, (mis)guidance bitches. you know i don't even want to TALK about that shit. i don't even care. i realized that i had thrown on a shirt that has a little hole in it, in the chest area. and it being so early, i was too lazy to put on a bra. oh well. i guess i'm a slut now. laylee was in the testing room with me, though. we made eyes. she looked hot.
my wonderful mother, being my wonderful mother, knew that i needed chocolate for the test. she did something similar last year, only last year she found some hershey's kisses in our house someplace. this year, she looked around but couldn't find any, so she packed me a little tupperware full of chocolate chips. they were a huge hit. elise ate them very quickly. probably because she dropped most of them. they made becca very happy. i offered them all around, and i don't understand why some people didn't accept them. there are some things i will never understand.
so there was a little time to hang out and talk to kids a bit before we left. i think a bunch of kids had decided to go to lunch somewhere or something. it would've been fun to go, but it was MY LAYLEE DAY so nothing else mattered. we saw my mom eventually, and we went by bookstar. it was funny because whenever laylee and i used to hang out, we would always default to poplar plaza. i don't really know why. i can't even remember what we are at bookstar for, but they didn't have it. and since laylee and i have no brains, we couldn't think of anywhere for mom to take us, so she just took us home. we sat around trying to think for a bit. gave up. watched some music videos. had to quickly make up our minds, and ended up driving with dad and morgan to rehearsal. we had a 'lovely' experience in the first congo bathrooms before walking to last chance records, where i bought the new distillers, as previously stated. don't even make me talk about the album art.
then we walked around and talked about buying a disposable camera. but laylee thought it would be a waste of money, that she needed to be saving, because the pictures wouldn't be good enough and then she wouldn't want to develop them and something and so on. which was too bad, because the day was SO beautiful and there were SO many little lovely things to photograph. and i had grabbed the video camera, but for some reason we just didn't use it in replacement. we should have, because it would've been better than nothing. but we're nuts. anyway we ended up at pie in the sky, and we each got a slice of pizza and shared a milkshake. laylee, did i pay you back for my half of that milkshake? i can't remember. but anyway, when laylee was paying she turned and asked me who was paying for it. so the owner, lou, knew we were sharing it, and made enough for both of us on purpose. it was the absolute sweetest thing. he brought us two cups and everything. plus it was an absolutely gorgeous, frothful milkshake. mmm. okay. we sat outside in the wonderfulness. there was a man from new york on a bike, in a black and white striped shirt. he was nice. he caught some of my trash when it blew away off the table. we saw him riding around later, too. i hope he had as good a day in midtown as ours.
laylee and i are the same person. we discussed this over lunch. we would live together so damned well. we need to get married. but it was decided that if we dated, we would just be sitting around going "what do YOU want to do" at every moment. i love laylee more than anything. she put her hand in my shirt and told me how perfect my shoulders are. how nobody else trips like me. how my ugly-ass knees are cute. etc etc etc. see! i couldn't be around anyone else for forever. and right now i think she is the only person who really wants to be around me.
after lunch, we went into legba where they were having a used records sale, and laylee bought 3 moody blues albums for kevin, which made him very happy. it was sweet. i got a poster for my family, and a free magazine thing. man that reminds me. what happened to those? oh i think i left them in laylee's bag. laylee, give them back. give them back to me, or i'll-- malephasent?! how do you spell that shit anyway? okay. i would feel bad if we went into legba and didn't buy anything because it's always empty. so i like to buy there, even though i had just gotten something at last chance, so i didn't have the money to get another cd. plus i nearly ended up wasting a bunch of money, because i accidentally left my distillers cd IN legba, and didn't realize it for a couple hours. haha whats wrong with me.
we got out of there eventually, and walked down cooper for a couple blocks. outside the old last chance, we stopped for a minute, just talking and dancing around. these cute little boys walked by, and we said hello. i don't know why i'm mentioning them, because we said hello to a lot of people. but i liked these little boys. they kept turning around to look at us after they passed. so we realized we were standing next to the thing that used to be train tracks over cooper? (it's the one that they tried to make pretty, by putting that disgusting public art of the buildings over it. i wish somebody would grafitti those damn things.) well, the tracks are still there, but the part that goes over the street is fenced off, probably with good reason. i had always wanted to go up, though, so we ran across the street, left our jackets lying on the ground, and climbed up the hill for a looksie. we found that the old tracks are still there, but are completely covered up with plants and fallen trees. it was interesting, so we followed them for a little ways. there was also a little hill over the other side of the tracks. one place in particular looked less high up, or less steep, or something than the rest of the way. we sort of peered over it for a bit. then laylee was like "i'm just going to go down a little ways." so of course we ended up sliding down the side of the hill/cliff. i left the camera and all our stuff up at the top, and we didn't even think about how we'd get back up. that was completely beside the point. so we walked back towards the way we'd come, and looked at the grafitti. makes you wish you'd brought your own spray paint. i wish i was cool enough to draw a mushroom and write 'LSD' over it. or "i heart the beastie boys." too bad i'm not. it was very great fun tramping through the everything. it felt like going through the woods in georgia, only you could hear all these cars going by. very strange. you'd never think this little area of immense green-ity existed behind some train tracks, you know? it was so nice. there was another place where the hill was less steep, and i climbed back up to find this absolutely GREAT little hiding place. it was like a little cave that these bushes made... i wish we'd taken pictures of all these things. when laylee caught up, we sat in it for a minute. it was so nice. then she decided to try to get back up to the railroad tracks from the groundie ground because the bushes we were sitting under were so thick. she climbed up on these cement blocks that block the little hideaway from the street, while i slid under and through some bushes to get back up to the thingie thing. she said that her view was nice, so we went and sat on the edge of the blocks and watched cars and people go by. i said hello to a woman who was walking across the street, but she just gave me a not-nice look. and aside from that, none of hte other pedestrians noticed us. or maybe they were too used to kids doing that, but I'VE never actually seen anyone sitting up there before. we just sat up there for a good while. kevin called a couple times, and i lay there while laylee talked to him. what a beautiful day too. after a while we got nervous that people were going to take our jackets. it wouldn't have been that big of a deal, but laylee has no winter clothes, and that jacket wasn't even hers to begin with. so we started back, and i went to get the camera and things. a man walked by and asked laylee if those were our jackets. it was funny. he said he was going to take them, and he watched us psuedo-slide down the hill. it made it slightly awkward. but everything was still there and whatnot. and my distillers cd was still in legba when we went back there. it gives me faith in the good people of midtown.
man i really hope i'm not ruining this moment by writing about it. i just thought of that. fuck me. laylee, make me delete this if it does.
but we were COMPLETELY covered with seeds when we got out. i had at least 4 different kinds of sticky seeds on me. they were really nice, so i didn't take them off. i put quite a few new rips in my skirt, too. i was too excited, i think. i ran all around and things were catching everywhere, but i didn't care. oh well, as long as it still fits around my waist i am cool. there will be no skirt left before i stop wearing it.
we didn't really go where we were going after that, so we just sort of hung out at this corner for a while. the one next to that fucking creepy frog. ew. we ended up turning the corner and walking on the street that isn't cooper, simply because we didn't remember what was down there. i think it was just houses. but we saw that jay kid. we pretended to wait for a bus that wasn't coming, because it was a speed limit sign, not a bus stop sign. it was good.
so we got back on cooper and saw another train bridge. we contemplated how one would go about getting up to it, but decided that we shouldn't do it because it would ruin the adventure-ness of the first one, so we walked past it down to peabody park or whatever it's called, and swang on the swings. i love swings with laylee. then some fucking awful southern kids came, and we died. it was okay, because i continued to sing loudly and be an ass. we realized that it was almost 3:30 and brock's art class ended at 4, so we should make plans to do something quick with him and kevin, before laylee and kevin went to see kill bill at 5. since kevin was supposed to pick up laylee and i at 4, everything would be lovely. i was worried about calling brock on his cell phone, because what if he hadn't turned it off and it rang in the middle of class, and the teacher gave him the evil eye, etc, etc. i don't really know what the atmosphere in that kind of class is like. but i called him anyway, thinking i could just leave him a voicemail message or something. but he fucking picked up. as it turns out, he had walked out of class to call me, and had just got off the phone with my parent. how funny is that? i love the boy. swoon. anyway, he the plan was dubbed good, and i was in a wonderful beautiful mood so i was being very loud and laughity. i don't think he enjoyed it too much. people need to tell me when to shut up, sometimes. i wonder if i would.
after a while of swinging and listening to the annoying southern girls, we decided that yes indeed it WOULD be worth it to go up to the train tracks. plus there was a really nice little path up from the park, and all. so we climbed up it and i filmed laylee walking around on the tracks a little bit. it was cool because there was actually a train up on one of the tracks, and it was strange to think that we were on tracks that are actually USED and everything. we ventured out onto the part of the tracks that goes over the street, and we could actually see cars under our feet. it was insane. there was one hole between 2 tracks that was bigger than the other ones, and something insane made me completely unafraid, and i wanted to sit in it. but laylee was practical and wouldn't let me. looking back, i was completely nuts. imagine being the car going under the pass thing and seeing up some girl's skirt. christ, have some dignity. anyway we made it to the other side, where we sat next to some beautiful caution tape and discussed how some pictures we would have taken if we had had a camera. i had left jerry and all our shit on the other side of the bridge, and it didn't really feel appropriate to go back for a video camera, when we really wanted a regular one. but it would've been so nice. maybe we'll go back one day... at one point those awful girls followed us, climbed up on the train, and promptly left. like they were trying to be the adventure and it wasn't working out for htem. well fuck that. it was really funny because when they were leaving the park, they saw us up on the tracks across the street. ahahaha. laylee said one of them waved. a little while after we lost sight of them, they all screamed at the same time. laylee made a great comment about how they probably almost got hit by a car because they didn't know how to walk around midtown right. BWAHAHAH stupid creepy bitches. eventually kevin drove by (under?) and we waved and he grinned. what a beautiful grin. i love the mountain man. he climbed up also, but we had to leave because kevin had been later than we expected and brock was waiting for us. i feel really bad about telling brock that kevin would get him and not telling kevin that we ewre getting brock. anyway, by the time we'd picked up brock, it was too late to do anything before the movie, so brock and i just got dropped off at my house and that was that.
brock looked so very art in all black and very fall and beautiful. we hung out at my house. we sat outside for a while, and he put people's phone numbers into his new phone and we talked and etc. we came in, and he got online to talk to lauren d. i went back to the bathroom, and i started to hear this buzzing. i figured there was a fly racketing around my room, so i stopped walking to find it. the noise stopped. i started to walk again, and the buzzing came back. then i got this reallly weird notion that it was coming from me, so i took off my skirt as carefully as i could whilst going nuts, and this absolutely MASSIVE bumblee crawled out. i ran around the room pantless and screamed until mom came and got rid of it. it was quite exciting, though. i guess it was attracted to all my seeds? mom thought it had crawled in and gone to sleep. how nuts. i couldn't even feel it.
then brock did my hair. it was gorgeous. we also tried to call a few people but they were all busy. so of course we just ended up at sonic. sigh. we made a lot of friends there, though. there were these kids in their car who were very obviously watching us. i don't blame them or anything, it's really easy/fun to watch whoever is eating outside at sonic. but we played it up, and it was too much fun. we performed the best time ever, with hugely gestured hand movements in our conversations. at one point, we just randomly turned to their stupid fucking car and gwilked at them. it was amazingly great. brock waved as they were leaving, but they didn't wave back. asses.
my server had pink hair. she was awesome. i need to work at sonic.
two girls in a car across the damned parking lot were calling to us, and so we walked over. they thought that my yellow skirt was a spongebob skirt. i told them it was not, but that my new goal in life was to get one. they still thought the skirt was cute, and asked where i got it. i LOVED being able to say "oh my aunt made this when she was in high school." i felt awesome. i bet they were just being polite, though.
brock got a sundae thing, and is insane. he gave me the fucking ice cream off the top of it, and wiped the whipped cream off the rest. he is fucking nuts. but i was more than grateful for the ice cream. woowoo. shit i had a lot of ice cream yesterday! i had that milkshake, half of brock's sundae, and some chocolate later at home. god i'm such a pig! that has got to stop.
we came home, to find mom downloading "wuthering heights" by kate bush, which was supposedly my first favorite rock song. so mom had to play it for brock of course. it is way too high for me to sing. plus i think i lost some of my vocal chords a couple weeks ago when i was sick.. it's really too bad. but i love knowing that ms. bush wrote the song when she was 14, and recorded it when she was 16. how fucking awesome is that?! and thinking that since then, she's been making records. god what a great life. too bad i'm cursed with no musical talent, because if i had some, i would be all over shit. you know. with a band. and albums. and talent. le sigh.
so mom and dad played some more songs for brock, and then i played some music videos for everyone, because they are my passion lately. it was fun. then we put on this movie called "mystery train" which was set and filmed in memphis. it wasn't very good, though. brock had to leave in the middle, unfortunately. it's too bad that he has to leave so early on Nights... even earlier than when i would've been taken home when elise used to be the eternal ride. but it's always okay, because the Night has started earlier. it's really strange to think that a lot of last year's saturday nights didn't even begin until like 7 or something. how nuts.
20 minutes or something after brock had left, mom out of nowhere said "i don't know why brock puts up with you. you're so mean." we hadn't been talking about brock, and i hadn't been doing anything mean. in fact, we had just been sitting there watching the movie since he walked out the door. it was really strange, and thinking that it was true made me feel really shitty. especially because of part of a conversation we'd had earlier, after we called people and no one was home. brock was saying he felt like he didn't know anybody, and that of course i didn't count. i think the last few weekends he has been really restless with this routine we've picked up of just hanging out at my house and sometimes taking in a movie. i mean i know he's been enjoying himself at least a little, because for one thing he keeps coming back. but we're severely in need of a car. and then i think, when brock can drive will i still even be in the picture? and if i am, will that just be because i don't count as anybody, and he doesn't think he'll have anyone else to be with? i don't know. but i don't know why he does put up with me, sine i really am so mean and all that. i don't know. i really need to learn to be nicer. the other day after school i was depressed and wondering who i have become. i mean, i have always been critical and everything, but mostly never just dead-on mean, and making jokes at other people's expense. that was never who i was, because i have always been the person on the other end. and then i look at some things i say, or some things i laugh at, and get really upset with myself. so i want that to stop. and i want to be less stupid with my family, and i want to be less mean in general. and i want to talk less. yes. brock says i dominate conversations, and i need not to. please kill me when i do these things. shit. guys. look at me rambling. do you realize this post has taken me like an 53 fucking hours to write? no seriously it took like 2. god damn it. and after so much fucking writing, i didn't even end on a positive note. fuck this shit.
me and laylee are going to get married and live together and not die. that is, unless she hates me eternally for letting her see kill bill... fuck that, it's going to be good. there will be no joint suicide. there will be only pretty.

listening to: the distillers - for tonight you're only here to know