Wednesday, October 15, 2003

i love my afternoon shower. it's the time of the day where i really just stop and think about shit. i think so long my fingers prune. raisin. mmm i want some milk duds now. okay.
just now i was thinking about how ridiculous therapy is. practically everyone i know is seeing or should see a psychiatrist. except for robin, because robin doesn't have problems. but then if she DID see a therapist, they would probably tell her she was detached and unemotional or something. (this is just from my perspective. maybe robin is dying inside, why would i know? it's an example, anyway.) basically everyone has issues, so we go to therapy to get them fixed? well what the fuck. if everyone should be in there, then what do we bother going for? who is the perfect person that i am supposed to be modelling myself after? it's really pissing me off. so i have no internal drive. there's probably such a thing as too much internal drive, right? well maybe not, but i'm still making a point. so right now i'm mad at therapy.
also. you know how there's supposed to be this one thing for every person to realize is their THING and they are supposed to do that forever? i can't figure out what mine is, and it's driving me nuts. i can see myself editting and doing movies in the future, but i don't feel like i was dropped onto this rock to do it, really. the only thing i have real enthusiasm for is music... and not even enough to learn to play. (oboe doesn't count. and anyway i hadn't held one for a year until today. wow, how nuts was that? and i was like "WHY CAN'T I PLAY THE LOW E!?" what a dumbass, i had the damn octave key down. tsk tsk. but man oboe is pretty. it sounds "nasal and weird." shit it makes me wish i was playing again.)
anyway. so, as a listener of music, my career choices include:
record producer? haha. very likely.
roadie
groupie
or...
do you guys remember that commercial with the stuff.... i think it was for a cd burner or a discman or something. but the guy burns his cd and gets to listen to it all day while he drives around at the airport and tries to save the birds from being hit by airplanes. i could do that job.

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