i can't hold anything up
and i'm taking in all the water
inside is too empty
and i need to know i still have
contents
so i am only full of water
full of water and bullshit and
the me that i can't stand
because look we're back to this old theme again
self-hatred
and where did all of this go for a while?
except before i just hated my mind
and my body for being my body
not for being female
i remember this
sitting on the cold sobbing bathroom floor
my paper and words cloaked in cat hair
and it's much too late
because if i had gone to bed an hour or so ago
these thoughts would not have been born
so it's late
and i'm even more insulted this time
again i've been unconsciously rejected
only this time i thought it might not happen like this
because he likes you
and he's trying to show it
he likes you so much
he talks his verses through to you
and i wash my face hard
but soap roughly over my skin
will not take off what i am
and i am waiting for the call
that isn't coming
because my wings are poking you
my angel wings are sticking you in the wrong places
and it hurts
so i'll stop
and when i go the feathers will disappear
because i didn't have wings
until you saw them