well i was feeling really good in between this and the last post... and i feel really really really bad now. like i-should-be-crying-but-cant bad. i feel awful. like big-bitch/terrible-friend awful. and insufficient and cold and mean and evil and wretched and shallow and heartless and meaningless and empty and undeniably conceited and one million and one other things of which i wish i could say i wasn't of which no one would want to feel of which i don't dare write here and i'm longing for somewhere else to write things. or a vent. and i keep blinking and rubbing my eyes like it would make me cry but i think i lost my heart a few years ago so if you've seen it, can you contact me because it would really be appreciated. someone told me that it was good to be self-pitious sometimes so i guess that time is now. i feel like shit. SHIT. DO YOU HEAR ME!? and i think i shouldn't write too much considering some of the people who come to this blog will think a world less of me. like they think much of me anyway. like i even care. i'm just the meanest person ever. and morgan has already brought it to my attention for the 59320238956039420572043rd time that no one loves me and its like, you know, this big slap in the face because i wasn't really expecting that and i told her i didn't want to listen to her and she told me all the reasons for my dislikeability or whatever (the ones she knew of anyway) and i didn't even think that much of it but here i am recollecting myself at the end of the day and realising again that i'm a terrible person who doesn't bring any good to anyone and that i don't even deserve a suicide and its like a just-stop-to-think thing thinking about all the people you've annoyed/angered/pissed off/bothered/attacked/yelled at in the last.... while. so i think i'm gonna go now, take some advil and read some more required stuff. and good luck to anyone who tries to stop me. haaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

how am i different?