wow, the lock on my window is broken. that makes me feel EXTREMELY vulnerable... well uh. kids, you are free to come over and come in whenever you want. we'll make a party out of it. it'll be like clarissa. i always wanted that.

oh yeah, i forgot. i wanted to say on here that my cell phone is working again if anyone needs to call it. it's been dead for like a week or something.
also i have therapy again next monday, and i'm supposed to make a "list of my strengths" ??? i was just going to skip that shit, but i've been avoiding it since she asked me to do it on the first day i went. and she's been asking for it ever since. but she did say that i can have people help me with it, and i'm a lazy ass. so. if you want to. HAHA. man.
okay i need to go do some homework. i'm such a lazy piece of shit.

okay i'm back from helping morgan and foot with their homework, and freaking out about peaches. i'm ready to blather about my day. and oh yeah, melissa ferrick is coming to the hi-tone tomorrow night... i'd love to go, but it's 18+ and i don't know if i can get in, plus it's a school night, and. it would be a lot of trouble. plus i'm utterly poor. i have negative moneys.
after such a depressing weekend, the day was actually okay. nothing too terrible happened. i somehow survived the history test. for some reason, i was in a really good mood as entered that class. if you talk about how much you DON'T care about something, you start to feel like it a lot a lot. miranda was dreaming of cheesecake, and margaret and i talked about how great "lost in translation" was. that put me in a GREAT mood, along with the fact that mrs. ervin was absent. so the day was pretty much just a breezy little one. after school, i got to talk to becca a little, and i haven't really seen her much lately. i want to hang out with her soon. robin and i had our usual post-school chat. oh yeah, i made allison laugh with more doodles in english. so i guess it was a pretty good day. the best part was out front after school when brock grabbed me and spun me around, out of the blue, into the white. it was really beautiful. i love you, brock. especially since he had to bend over-ish to pick me up ahahahaha. i am so small. but as i've said before, the only thing i like about being small is the fact that i am picked up easily and i got spun around a lot. i got really dizzy this afternoon and i seriously would've fallen over if i wasn't still clinging to brock. lalala. it was very nice. and brock is an amazing artist. he melts me.
we listened to the moldy peaches in sarah's car coming home. it made me really happy.
today is full of peaches.
i'm going to go eat now. today is better than i thought it was.

listening to: tom waits - table top joe

what else is in the teaches of peaches? huh? what?

this song was SO in "lost in translation." i was kinda ashamed to know the song from the scene in the exotic dancing club. oh well. peaches is god. no, seriously.
peaches' site
awesome biography
peaches' tits
she's something like the embodiment of sex. she has a picture gallery of crotch shots on her website. the best part is that she's not buying into any of the fucking shit in our culture. no, she's NOT gorgeous. she's androgynous, she's not anorexic, and she tends not to shave her underarms. she performs in almost-undwear with dildos, for god's sake. the other day i saw her name near the top of an "ugliest indie rockers" list. i thought it was incredibly unfair. i'd do her.
OH MY GOD I JUST FOUND OUT SHE'S COMING TO MEMPHIS AGIWEHOPHAEGHAWEIOGHWE
PLEASE SOMEONE COME WITH ME TO THE SHOW.
AWHIEWHIAEGGOPAWEHOWEGHI

listening to: peaches - i don't give a...

HOLY GOD. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND GO DOWNLOAD "SHARK" BY THROWING MUSES. JESUS CHRIST.
no, seriously. download it or i'll burn you a copy of the cd. just ask.
really. normally, i can't listen to an album, much less a SONG, over and over, but.... this is my exception.

robitussin am: ahahahah i'm drunk
robitussin am: it's sunday night and i'm drunk
robitussin am: AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA

is this a running theme or what?

(about her blog)
FalLynnStar: its pretty much...so itssunday, ive been drunk since friday. ok its tuesday, im so fucking high.

i feel a lot better than i did earlier. brock called and cheered me up. we talked about bellybuttons and those plastic kitchens that you have when you're little. i never had an easybake oven. brock was given one as a gift by his 'confused' aunt, but was not allowed to play with it. jesus look at all this psychological baggage. everyone has a lot, if you take the time to remember all that shit. i'm supposed to be working on latin right now. fuck that.
i'm SO GLAD i bought my throwing muses and pixies cds... that was my big event of the weekend, really. i found seasick by imperial teen, the glass intact by sarge, and the hissyfits cd, which are all AMAZING finds, but i wasn't sure i'd love them all. even though i could get the muses or pixies any day, they really really made my weekend better. music is my savior. and now i'm playing yet another great album...

listening to: tracy + the plastics - ain't never gonna die

the following is a poem that brandon wrote when he was really stoned. it's made my day 10 times better, but now that brandon is gone and i have to go back to my room and my latin and my muses, i'm getting depressed again. oh well. maybe this will brighten your day.


Alanna, My Memphis

Elise tells me you've been skipping school
since you heard about John Ritter
and of course I've been meaning to call
but the phone's in the other room
and it's too damn hard to talk
to someone in mourning. Memphis,
you haven't left the mattress
in over a week and it scares
me. Memphis, it's time to brush
your teeth clean and forget.
Alanna, I'm coming back to Tennessee
and I'll meet you halfway,
the middle of your kitchen.
Remind me that I owe you a nap
in the coffee shop and I swear we won't move
till the waitress tries to kick us out
and you'll throw you hands to the ceiling
in protest and I'll hold your head to my breast
so you won't see John Ritter in the window
kissing Elise's open mouth.

well. throwing muses and latin are no cure for depression, i'll tell you that. kristin hersh's voice makes me feel powerful, but the words make me terribly terribly sad. and it doesn't help at all that she's crooning "baby, go back to your womb" which is what i would really like to do right now. i just want to curl up on the windowsill and die. i hate

god i'm in the worst fucking mood.
why am i so angsty this weekend?

anyone know what the jennings homework is? call me
ON A LINE! BABY CALL ME CALL ME ANYTIME

i'm really excited about all these pixies covers i've downloaded... it's sick. ahha. but i FINALLY got all these mp3s that i've been trying to download for over a year.... so that's pretty exciting to me.
i wanna be in a pixies cover band.

listening to: melon - ed is dead (pixies cover)

amazing feats accomplished today by me:
bought stamps and envelopes that cds actually fit into
didn't find purse, but found money
actually bought throwing muses cd

why i want a band:

if we got bored, we'll move to california!

i am feeling much better since my last post. i forgot how angsty i was earlier. tsk, tsk, tsk. shortly after i posted that, i watched "american beauty" while eating havardi and ritz, in between my parents on the couch. i really like that movie. i'm glad i finally saw it.
oh yeah i forgot to talk about the earlier part of my day. well. mostly i sat around. went to see "lost in translation" with my parents and brock, which was a BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL film. i REALLY recommend it, i love it and the music was good. plus i love scarlett johannson and i WISH i had her voice. mom said last saturday taht i sound like her, with my hoarse voice, which, yes, i still have. wow what a beautiful movie though. dad said he really liked the composition of shots in "american beauty" and the cinematography of it, but i was much more impressed with "lost in translation." everything was really striking and beautiful.
after the movie, brock decided he had to go home and do school work... he didn't get much done, though. surprise, surprise. after that i had the angsty/lonely/depressing part of my night. then we watched "american beauty" and everything got much better. that was a really good little film. really good and really human. ANYWAY i need to shut up about movies. and start telling you people, yet again, HOW MUCH I DESPERATELY LOVE FRANK BLACK. DEAR GOD!!! HOW DOES HE DO IT?! HOW!? I AM MARRYING THE MAN.
almost right after the movie ended, brock called me! yayyyy i love brock phone calls. we talked for about an hour and a half, i guess. the call was wonderful, but his computer has been taken away which is depressing. oh well, that will just be further reasoning for beautiful phone calls. now i'm excited. but i already miss his blog. *mourn and roses*
i've been talking to katie since i got off the phone with brock, which is really really nice because she never stays up late, and we haven't had a long conversation in a while. we are making plans to hang out next weekend! i'm really excited. i NEVER see katie. YAYYYY. everyone please come meet her.
oh yeah, i bought come on pilgrim by the pixies and limbo by throwing muses today. wee! i love new cds, and it's been awhile, and I'VE BEEN TIRED!
i wish i had cute feet.

listening to: pixies - isla de encanta

i hate me. there were cute boys at turlte's flipping through the used section next to me. they were talking about pixies while i was looking for pixies. the one with the spongebob shirt asked the one with all the pixies albums which album "where is my mind?" is on and i wanted to answer, but i didn't. then later mom came to tell me to hurry and decide on what cds to buy because she wanted to leave. she saw the pixies on the top of my stack and told me "get that one, you love the pixies" and the pixie boy looked at me. god damn it all. i wish i could talk to people at all. i loved that they were spending their saturday night hanging out at turtle's and spending all their money on used cds. i hate myself.
on the way home, i saw one of my seasoning friends on the pay phone by the smart mart. i think it was him, anyway.

listening to: pixies - i've been tired

MY LIFE'S AGENDA:
see laylee and becca
bra-shopping
give becca key to house so she can record whenever
edit kite video w/kat+
edit/film any movie ever
2001 doy posts thingie
buy stamps for brandon's package
find purse
buy throwing muses cd
another fountain day feat. film
homework?

i'm bored and depressed and i want to go to bed but i'm not tired. aopwgihpawgh.
well i'm listening to stereo total's cover of "get down tonight" so i think it's helping. HAHAHH. shit. download this it's funny as hell.

god damn life! well i'll get there. i mostly had a really good day.
school was school. not too bad, really. chemistry is getting really complicated and i'm so lost in there suddenly. we got assigned a research paper in english today but it isn't as intimidating as it would be because there are little dates she set up for us along the way, so it's not just like she's throwing us this huge assignment and saying "bring it in december." if that was what she did... i would've killed myself. and the topics are actually interesting surprise, surprise. i'm thinking about maybe doing beat poets or the one with e.e. cummings in it. or.. well a lot of things. anyway. i need to shut up about school because i hate it. and god knows you people don't want to hear about it. oh only one more thing. i hate that i'm enjoying algebra so far. it's completely against my morals. i remember in 9th grade when i started to UNDERSTAND math finally. i got good grades and then realized that i was enjoying the actual work, even though i tried to repress it. oh well. i guess i can't change that. but what's even more depressing to me, is that i know by the end of this year, i'll HATE math again, because of how shitty this year has been guaranteed to be by everyone i know who took the class last year.
i'm really hungry. brock i don't remember how much dinner was but remind me to pay you back. and i need to pay elizabeth for gas.
after school, i dawdled around with laylee and kevin, and then with robin and russell. then i remembered that elizabeth was my ride home and ran off to find her. she wasn't out front, and i ran to the elementary parking lot. however, she doesn't park there. so i ran into kevin and laylee again, who were also with becca, william, and a couple other kids. william actually offered me a ride home, too! can you imagine the content of that trek? wow it boggles me. eoiwaohgiopiewh. he really liked my voice though. yes, i'm STILL hoarse, how sick is that?! i've decided to never get rid of the voice, so i yelled a lot today. i'm not there yet. apogwihpowaihg i hate skipping ahead. damn me. okay.
well i found elizabeth and jenny eventually. elizabeth didn't know she was supposed to be my ride, although i thought that katherine had sort of asked her for me last night when we made our post-school plans? ah well. the three of us went to jenny's and hung out for a while. it was nice. we talked, and they worked on jenny's birthday present for rocio. i called brock and we talked for a while, because it's humanly impossible for me and brock to have a short phone conversation. this is a proven fact. eventually we realized it was like 4:45, which is when katherine had planned to meet us at shelby farms to fly kites! jenny was about to leave for rocio's party, so unfortunately she could not attend. elizabeth and i picked up brock around 5. we were pretty late getting to shelby farms, but luckily katherine had not been there long either. lauren henry and jackie douglas were supposed to meet us, too, but they never showed. i had a GREAT time. i mostly filmed everyone else doing things, and i hope we get at least one good shot out of the whole thing. i did a lot of art close-ups and whatnot. it was too fun. eventually they made me fly the kite a couple times, but i don't know that i was any good at it. i guess i'll find out once i see the film. the four of us tried to do some square dancing, but it was mostly unsuccessful because my counts were faster than brock's. and we also spun. i LOVE spinning. unfortunately, brock and i never last very long because of his faucets. it's cool, i love them. also, katherine filmed brock swinging me around by the arms twice, but she didn't get our really good time. i actually prefer hug-swinging, which we did once but was also not filmed. just would be so much fun to edit it as a group some time... and make a little short about our Day. how happy.
we got really hungry, and left to go to wendy's and subway. brock had to pay for me again because i've lost my purse somewhere in this hell house. he is way too nice. i told him no, he didn't have to pay for me, but he was going to order a kid's meal for me anyway if i didn't tell him what i wanted. he's too nice to me. anyway. we ate on a median and nearly got ran down by a smiling east-memphis mother. c'est la vie. BABELFISH THAT, MOTHERFUCKERS!
we tried to go through the carwash. i have incredibly bad luck with those things. last time i tried to go through one was with mom literally years ago. we somehow got stuck before we'd even gotten into that piece of shit and scraped up our old van. it was funny as sin, but mom now hates carwashes. so the stupid thing malfunctioned and we died and then it just refused to light up at all. it was really depressing because i'd been so excited. brock and i even got into the very back seat, to watch everything better. oh well. katherine had to be home by 7, so we just left at that point. elizabeth said i moved into the front seat very gracefully. woohoo me is full of grace, yo. i decided that i should start yelling a lot so that my voice never gets unhoarse, which i mentioned earlier. so when we realized that we had caught up to katherine on walnut grove, i had to lean out the window and yell all kinds of sporadic shit at her for like 5 blocks. it was exciting. "whatever happened to pong? i love screaming! the van behind you is watching barney." and my oh my did that mom give me an EVIL EYE. she and her purple van wanted me dead. it was awesome.
so elizabeth just took me and brock -- surprise, surprise -- back to my house. this is our new routine, i guess. we talked about going to see a movie, or a show, or a person, but we ended up just ... sitting around, for the most part. we hung out on my bed, doodled, watched a little tele, destroyed some school assignments, danced around, hosted an orgy, the usual. i feel bad for being so boring. oh well. it's brock's fault for putting himself in my company.
after his mom picked him up and i read his blog post, i went into a terrible state. and now i'm blogging and i am fine again, and i can't remember exactly why i was not happy. thank god it takes me forever to blog hahahaha. fuck me.

listening to: frank black - freedom rock

i've been listening to kristin hersh for the past couple days and guess what? i'm falling in love again. her and the pixies. they just do that thing to me. yeah her and the pixie and like 239057 other bands, but come on. who is on my mind? and where is it?

"We could be falling in love, like nobody else
Tonight your dream is safe with me
Tomorrow we wake up in L.A."

listening to: kristin hersh - clay feet

big morgan asked me to do his show, red pain(t) at our own voice in february. i'm not sure about the time committment, so i haven't said anything to him yet. also i'm not sure that i would be comfortable with how he wants to set up the play... which is that he gives the actors the situation and they(we?) just improv the lines, every single time. i could deal with that if we just workshopped the play like that, but to have to perform it like that every single time? terrifying. i don't know. if you've got any advice, let me know.... oh and if it influences any decisions, i MIGHT be playing alongside william gratz and ted link? or saki's pirate ass? but paul foster, who was going to play one of the lead roles, is definitely out of the picture, according to laylee and becca. morgan also wanted elise to be in the play but i'm pretty positive she can't do it, what with her MUS play and everything. i don't really know how that is going for her, seeing as we haven't really talked in a few weeks... wow how weird to think about that. last time i saw her outside school was... well last week at open-mic, but we didn't talk. and then before that at cooper-young, but again we didn't talk.... and before that i think it was the film festival weekend and jesus that was forever ago. maybe i'm wrong? oh well. how weird to think about, though. and especially strange that i haven't really fully noticed/minded.

listening to: bangs - tiger beat