yesterday was okay at school.

we all went to watch LA play in the softball game. woot woot!! the weather was great, and incredibly hot -- i love it, though, what can i say? after school, brock and i went to baskin-robbins where we met up with dan ying and jenny. we were kind of late after having to stop at brock's so that he could change clothes, and i felt bad about that. but it was cool, and we got to talk over ice creams. linley was there with her daughter, and i got to talk to her, which was awesome. she hadn't been notified about the show, so i hope that she calls alex and can join in late. she was really sad about missing the workshops. i had a 2-scoop sundae with jamoca and world class chocolate with hot fudge and whipped cream. mmmmmmm oh my. dan ying had to go home to practice piano, and she gave jenny a ride. brock and i sat in his car for a long time just talking and sticking our feet out the window. who on earth is better to just talk to? after a while, alice called and said that she and katherine would soon be on their way to my house, so we headed out too. we got there at the exact same time as alice, and promptly went to sonic. katherine was practicing keyboard in the comic room when we got back, and we commenced to recording scandaliz vandalistz songs for a prairie home companion contest that we started working on incredibly late. considering that it is due on saturday. katherine was all ready for playing all night, and taking the 5-song CD to fed-ex at midnight to get it to into mr. garrison keillor's hands by sunday. the four of us did what we could until hunter showed up, and lent his amazing talent to the SV cause. he then told us that his step-mom works for fed-ex, and could have it shipped for us for free, and that we wouldn't have to take it in by midnight. that was happy, and we didn't feel as rush. i'm talking "we" as if i do anything but i was just singing backup, hand clapping, dancing, and performing as co-taskmaster with katherine. in the end, we were pretty satisfied with how the takes came out. i want to upload them for your listening pleasure. soon, my pets. soon...
near the end of the recording session, william and becca showed up. i felt bad because we advertised the night as "The Who/Rock Star Party" night, but it became something totally different. so once they came, i hung out with them, since i wasn't really needed for SV. we listened to the new rasputina album, played dress up, and took many silly pictures. i love them, and i wish i saw them more. also, i really want to have a laylee/becca day soon. i'm so lonesome and disconnected from them. actually, i feel kind of disconnected from everyone lately, but i guess that's my own fault. anyway.
brock left about 11. he is beautiful, and was being very sweet yesterday. ohh brock i love ye. katherine left around 11:30, after making sure that everything was in place with the CD and the package for our hero garrison. william and becca discostumed at around 12:15 to get becca home on time. unfortunately we didn't have time to make the music video we wanted to. (i need new tapes, too.) hunter left almost directly afterwards, with promises to return back today to pick up the package. alice and i stayed up late being silly and listening to music. we fell asleep on the couch watching quadrophenia. and we never even saw the hot sting. tsk, tsk. we'll probably be watching it again very soon.
today has been mellow. mom got us la baguette thingies and we all sat around and listened to the scandaliz vandalistz songs. mom wants a mini-cd of her very own. aww. alice left at 12, and since then, i've just been hanging out and doing nothing in particular. katherine called to check up on the package, and i also talked to brock on the phone for a very little bit, but he had to leave to go to the zoo with wenli. hunter picked up the package a little while ago, and that is very exciting.
i am finally getting sort of stir-crazy being here. i will probably go organize some cds or something. i really need to get out though. i am free this afternoon, and after 8 tonight. pleeeeease.

i feel really crazy. i have to do some math and settle down before i explode. wish me luck.

why are mixes so hard to make.

have been staying up far too late.
have been starting homework way way way too late.
have been enjoying much too many lovely late night phone conversations with brandon.
oh my.

today was totally invaded by brandon. sneaky bastard.
i failed a couple tests. nothing big. ra ra ra.
i worked on lots of playlists for mixes, in every damn class. look out, kids. if you want one... let me know. i'm totally on a rampage.
after school, brock and i picked up alice, and they ate greek kwik shop delicacies while we rolled around the grass at overton park. sarah schweig's dog chunky attacked us. it was awesome. we swang on the lovely swings, and i was obnoxious and sang to myself while alice and brock talked about stuff. then we came to my house, where i got a reese's blast and we attempted to practice. it didn't go well. we talked for a while. me and alice had a mad cuddle fest on the living room sofa. it was supahott. lips and tits and hips everywhere. what can i say? brock wouldn't join, but he still hugged me a lot. also we wrestled at the park, and now i'm nothing but grass stains. oh what a world, in which my lovely sister makes organic alfredo for our own delight.

quoth alice, "we need to make a club dedicated to trios. we will discuss songs, movies, etc with trios. then we weill reenact them. you can be president, brock can be treasurer, and i will be in charge of milk and cookies. or should i say milkshakes and honey"

listening to: Peaches - I U She

today i have added about 54 new pictures to the visual section of this blog. good luck finding them all... some are from this week, and some are from spring break. my scanner pooped out a little while ago, and started giving me this error repeatedly, but i'm still amazed that i got as far as i did. thought i'd give the heads up if you were curious about those old march pictures. keep on the lookout for some more coming tomorrow and in the next week.
so sorry i haven't been updating as much as i'd like. i've been kind of crazy. plus it's 4am.

"i ask him why the grass is blue, why stray boys don't go home, why 4am's so screwy? he says, 'sleep through it.'" - kristin hersh

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Moderate
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Very High
Antisocial:	Moderate
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

why do i insist on taking this test year after year? it makes me feel crazy. i guess that's the idea.

holy christ.

download this please. it's a live solo song by kimya dawson, the woman from the moldy peaches. and it's brilliant. (lyrics, bitch.)

my oh my what a day.

school actually went by really quickly, and then i sat around doing math with alice, katherine, and laylee at davis-kidd. it would be nice to always have friends there. we did work, too! genius. at home, i called brock for a little while, then went to this thing for the play which i will not go into detail about right now. an hour later, i was back home, getting ice cream and talking to brandon online. we got into a really good talk, which continued on the phone, and then back online once his phone died. i'm so glad that we had that conversation, although there were some kind of stressful bits. if that's the right word. i'm sure no one wants to hear about it. but at any rate, let me just say: i love that fucking boy.

listening to: the coasters - along came jones

today was marvelous! mostly because i was sort of feeding off the energy from the weekend. backwards:
-brandon called late last night. it was brilliant. i am full of love.
-we watched parts of our movie things on the computer, and i died laughing over and over.
-foot and mouse came over to watch a movie with morgan, and they were very very silly. i love them.
-morgan made lumpsy chocolate cookies. mmmm.
-ergolytes workshop was very good, although i couldn't remember my lines very well.
-i woke up very late on sunday.
-i nearly fell asleep on morgan's lap.
-brandon called me, but his phone died after like 2 minutes.
-me and brock drove around for forever, and ended up at shnuck's. we bought cake, and ate it across the street. then we got married.
-brock and i sat outside and talked in the heat.
-katherine and alice came over for a very brief scandaliz vandalistz recording session. brock came later, but i don't think he got to record any drum parts yet.
-forced to go to ergolytes workshop by my father, instead of ice cream cake with dan ying and jenny. it turns out they couldn't go anyway, and workshop wasn't so bad.
-mad series of phone calls between alice and brock trying to figure out what was going on.
-anti-SATs morning with LA featuring pastries and "the sword in the stone."
-LA came over and spent a wonderful night with me. we stayed up very late chattering and cuddling.
-after school on friday, alice and i picked up her guitars from her house, and came back here for a scandaliz vandalistz practice with brock and katherine.
-a week of things i've probably already forgotten.

why oh why am i awake.

i'd love to stay a while, but my homework is calling calling my name.

criss/cross mix for sallis

a lot of the songs are really long on this, i realized. also, it's very random. actually, this thing is really weird. i can't figure out what happened to it. but here it is.

01) bikini kill - carnival
02) desaparecidos - manana
03) superchunk - the question is how fast
04) the beatles - rain
05) the gits - second skin (live)
06) the raveonettes - chains
07) the faint - call call
08) i am the world trade center - sounds so crazy
09) the cure - lullaby
10) portishead - biscuit
11) the yeah yeah yeahs - y control
12) pixies - gouge away
13) kristin hersh - sno cat
14) pj harvey - yuri-g (4-track version)
15) violent femmes - kiss off
16) the moldy peaches - nothing came out
17) andrew bird - weather systems (live)
18) reindeer section - last song on blue tape
19) smashing pumpkins - disarm
20) death cab for cutie - transatlanticism
21) discount - math won't miss you

i'm very sorry about the lack of updates. this is the hiatus i mentioned but did not call into effect, i guess. it's not a real one because it's not official. but... rehearsals have been almost every day, and homework is on overload right now. i'm sorry if you're all a little less connected to the amazing life of alanna. le sigh. but i hope to catch up next week, when there will be no theatre for me. mwahahaha.

today is quiiiite nice, mostly because it's thursday. although it feels like, as foot put it, wednesday of next week. which makes it sort of nicer. tomorrow will be pleasantly surprising for my silly brain.
after school, margaret, brock, katherine, and i went for a history study group at starbucks. we get so carried away, and talk like nobody's business. there was something a little off today, but i think it was just me. a mood thing maybe, but i didn't feel like i had a lot to contribute to the conversation. ah well.
around 5:15, william and morgan ambushed me, and stole me away to make organic waffles. it was beautiful. william is, again, the sweetest thing. it's proven this time. we made 2 giant waffles, one with bits of his favorite kind of dark chocolate. william drove morgan and i to play workshop, but could not convince him to come in. we were about 20 minutes late, but not as late as last night, and they still hadn't started when we came in. it was really relaxed tonight, i thought. zoe was there and that made me quite happy!! her hair has grown out so much. what a beautiful girl. there were some really interesting movement exercises, but, for my part, a lot of resting.

after school, we had a very short "band practice ha ha" at alice's house. instrumentation was two acoustic guitars made by her dad, one of which apparently wasn't made very well. brock and i sort of sat, and very much enjoyed the jamness of alice and katherine. they work very well together musically, and they have a lot of ideas. which they forget. very quickly. next time there will be a tape recorder and words on paper. friday, guys?
katherine had an oboe lesson and had to go after barely any time. alice, brock, and i went to wendy's, baskin robbins, and super 88. i'd left my cell phone at her house and hadn't been able to get in touch with my mom before that, so she was really mad at me tonight for going to davis-kidd and not finding me. the second time this week. i don't want to stop doing things on weekdays because it really brightens up my silly life, but i don't want her to be mad at me either. and i wish i could find my house key.
william is the sweetest thing. he showed up at our house to take me and morgan out for WAFFLES. unfortunately, we were about to leave for the second ergolytes workshop, though we did talk for a few minutes. it was still a very nice gesture.
workshops have been nice so far. i'm still working on brock to work on his parents to let him be in the show... everyone keep your fingers crossed. the play is already enveloping my life and we've been in it for half a week. i think i'll die. that is not to say i haven't been enjoying the time, but homework is a real hassle. i was up till 2 last night. i feel very guilty posting. i'm going to go now. i hope everyone is having a lovely week.
spring break... what?? that was years ago.

today has become horrible, i want to die, and i ache terribly.
i only want to sleep.
play stuff starts tomorrow, and i am stupid. gahepoiahiei.
this blog might take a hiatus.

thanks a fucking lot for all the kids who DIDN'T audition with me today! gewiowhpaih. brock and william came, but neither of them is going to do the play. i can feel it.
well, to make up for your sorry selves, i beg that you come to at LEAST one of the workshops. it's purely for fun, and it doesn't mean you're in the play or anything, or commit you to the schedule. although if you were interested, i'm sure alex would let you in. i'll try to give some more head's up as the week goes along, but seriously guys. it's a great experience, whether or not you're into acting, dance, or theatre. no joke. you will never do anything like it. come out. support. play.


Workshops at the University of Memphis
Communication & Fine Arts Building, Room CFA 126

Tues, Wed & Thurs, March 16-18 -- 7:00-9:00pm
Sat & Sun, March 20 & 21 -- 2:00-5:00pm
Tues, Wed & Thurs, March 23-25 -- 7:00-9:00pm
Sat & Sun, March 27 & 28 -- 2:00-5:00pm

I HATE BEING BEHIND. FUCK THIS STUPID SHIT.
friday: fuck if i remember anything. oh yeah. margaret called me at like 11:30 and wanted to hang out. i hadn't seen her all break, and i was ecstatic. she came over, we grabbed a bunch of cds, and took off into the wild blue yonder. we drove around and around and around, all through the downtown. there were many colorful and beautiful houses, which we admired. i was hungry, and she was low on gas, so we went to eat at the arcade. we got a 12inch pizza with mozarella, feta, and cheddar cheese with pepperoni. it was quiiiiite good. margaret and i were on a fake date, so i paid for us. it was sweet. then we came home, but i've lost my house key. so i broke in through the back door, and we grabbed the camera and took off to overton park. we met up with alice, brock, tarah, and mary w to film the pro bono recycling promotion video. my camera was wildly low on batteries, so we worked super fast. margaret, brock, and i went over to tarah's house to recharge the camera, watch the footage, and possibly film some more. but after we watched our stuff, we watched all of tarah's spring break documentary footage for a long time. it was pretty funny, but we didn't really know what we were doing there. ahhaha. margaret left for work, and the rest of us hung out around tarah's BEAUTIFUL house, and sat on the roof, and explored her room. it was nice. alice came back from her violin lesson eventually and sat around with us. people kept randomly appearing at the house: mary w, linton, frannie, some girl. it was nutz. alice and brock were very hungry, so we finally left for cafe ole where they ordered the same thing, and didn't enjoy it. kind of sad. we skipped that joint and went to black lodge where we rented "help!" and "lolita." the beatles are fucking awesome, as you know. we had great fun watching it. when it was over, brock still did not have a favorite beatle, which is very upsetting. (for the record, mine is george, and alice's is ringo. hell yes. they're all amazing, though, of course. POLL: name your favorite of the fab four. in comments, bitch.) afterwards, we put on "lolita" but we were way too talkative, and after a while, realized that it would be no use in trying to go back and watch things and figure out what we'd missed because there wasn't time to finish the whole thing anyway. anyone up for lolita party tomorrow or tuesday night? call. i'm not kidding. so we put on michel gondry videos because that's what always ends up happening, and it was very nice. i'll never be sick of them. i love the man. plus with music videos, we could talk more while we watched them and it was more mood-suiting. i can't remember what we talked about, though. anyway. they went home at some point. i probably got online for a little while. i can't really remember.
saturday: dad woke me up 11ish, i took a shower, and went to the library at 12 to meet my english group. only allison was there and we sat around for a few minutes. i was really annoyed. i bought a caffe mocha. finally, shana got there. she and allison had done the same damn part of the project, and i wanted to suicide. i'm not going to go into detail. i was only there for about an hour and a half, but christ, that was enough. when it was over, i talked to brock on the phone for a few minutes, and we tried to make plans to do something. but we suck. so dad came and picked me up, and for the next hour or so i was on the phone with alternately katherine, brock, and alice, trying to make plans but getting wrapped up in talking. like always. brock and alice got here at 4ish, sallis arrived shortly after, and katherine after that. we watched parts of the beatles anthology. (update -- katherine's favorite beatle is paul, and sallis' favorite beatle is also ringo.) we spent forever trying to make plans for a second time. alice had said she just wanted to go somewhere to talk, and some people were hungry, so we decided a cheap dinner would be nice. it took forever, but around 6 we split into 2 cars and set out for pyrtle's chicken. i was not amused. sallis and i arrived there, and moments later received a call from brock saying that katherine had a flat tire. we drove back to help them, and everyone (except me) assisted in changing the tire. it was quite an adventure. i filmed the whole thing. the best part was katherine being her usual movie self. she thought we could add it in as a scene in our cinderella parody, and made everyone act their character. she is pretty great. i'm glad that i got to see her at least once over spring break!! at any rate. we split back into our 2 cars, and drove back down poplar toward home. sallis and i got to my house, and again, our comrades were nowhere to be seen. seconds later, we recieved a call from brock saying that they'd stopped at the smart mart. i think i was sort of bothered that we're such fucking awful planmakers by then, and i don't know what had come over my mood but i sort of hung up on brock. i'm very sorry, brock. i didn't get the chance to apologize yet. i'm such a ho bag sometimes. anyway, the point is that we decided to get a totally SHIT dinner. everyone bought one item of shit like ramen noodles, pringles, hot fries, popcorn, sticky bun thing. it was really gross. we got that done, and went back home where we took great delight in noting the arrival of mom, morgan, and 2 pizzas. we hung around the kitchen preparing our feast and then went to the den to watch more beatles documentaries. i've really been hoping something would pop out at brock to help him find his favorite beatle, but nothing has worked so far. also, katherine and sallis, though they do have a favorite beatle, can't tell them apart, and aren't that familiar with their off-record personalities. so that was an adventure. i tried very hard to coach sallis which one was which. my parents got excited too and came in and whatnot. (update 2 -- dad's favorite beatle is paul, mom's favorite beatle is george, and morgan's favorite beatle is also ringo.) hunter arrived to pick up alice for the memphis symphony orchestra concert, and he watched a little of the documentary too. (update 3 -- hunter's favorite beatle is john.) it was kind of funny because when he came in, we were watching this music video-esque thing for "rain" which is apparently one of his favorite beatles songs. he, alice, and sallis all left at the same time, and after that we all got more mellow, i think. we put on baz luhrman's "romeo and juliet" because katherine and brock had never seen it. so that was very nice. brock cuddled with me. that boy is beautiful. i told him how much i love his nose, and i think i made him self concious about it. which was not the idea. god damn. i think they enjoyed the movie, except for that brock was falling asleep at the end. poor love. around 11ish, his mom came and picked him up. katherine spent the night, partially because she was worried about driving on the spare, but mostly so that we could edit. and somehow we did not edit a single cent! it was amazing, the way we got absolutely nothing accomplished. never have i been more impressed. we came in to edit, and somehow started talking and talking, and just couldn't stop. we moved to morgan's room, where we eventually fell asleep -- at 5am. it was absolutely insane. i was really really really really glad that we did that though. i never get to talk to katherine these days, so it was just very nice. conversation is my absolutely favorite thing, and it makes me sad that some people don't like to hold conversations like that. i would go crazy if i didn't. but who knows. maybe i'm already crazy, and that is the issue. anyway. we went to bed eventually.
sunday: katherine woke up at 11 something this morning, and was going to leave me a note to say goodbye because she had to get home, but i woke up as she was leaving and i am shit for going back to sleep. i've just sort of hung out with morgan so far. lalala. ergolytes auditions today... come on kids. i need you.


the server is back! hallelujah and thank you kevin. i WOULD urge you to check out some eye candies but there's not really anything new yet. the only pictures we've taken over spring break, really, have not been digital and are not developed yet. oh, but you might want to take a look, since i don't think you guys ever got to see the pono nite stuff, or the drums day. but keep an eye out in the future for some additions...

i got brandon's latest package and i'm now wearing mardi gras beads. hoo boy!
at 12, i had to meet with my english group at the library, and only allison was there. stupid english group. how i hate thee.
katherine is back in town from her college tour trip and i'm supposed to see her, brock, and alice today. i should be seeing them at this very second, but i'm um. not. i really want to get out of the fucking house, but i have no idea when anyone is coming and what we're doing. the past couple days, we've had ideas to go downtown but alice isn't really allowed to drive there, so it doesn't work out. which is too bad. plus i paid for a pizza yesterday and now i'm pretty moneyless, except for the money i need to save to buy cds with. yes, i NEED the cds. they are essential to my happiness, health, and wellbeing. bitch.

THE ERGOLYTES
…a theatrical exploration into the ascent of technology, the loss of our humanness, and the impending consequences.

Auditions at TheatreWorks
2085 Monroe in Overton Square
Sat, March 13 2:30-4:30pm
Sun, March 14 4:00-6:00pm



is anyone up for doing this with me? please? at least come audition. that just means we'll do workshoppy kind of stuff, nothing painful. it will be nice. i promise.

MY STUPID PICKY FRIENDS HAVE GONE TO THE GROCERY TO BUY THEIR PICKY FOOD AND LEFT ME HERE EATING FROZEN REESE'S PIECES.
brock wants earl grey tea because our flavorous kind is not good enough for him, and alice wants fruity ice cream because she sucks.

listening to: portishead - biscuit

while posting last night, i was also in conversation with brandon and william via instant messages. i told william i was lonely, and he literally offered to come sleep on my couch, just to keep me company. i was sort of stunned, and told him to do whatever he wanted. we talked for a couple more minutes, until he said "looooooooooook out!" and a few minutes later, there was a rappa taptap on my kitchen window. we sat around on the futon, listened to the amelie soundtrack (which he left here accidentally), and had a lovely talk. around 1:20 he was falling asleep, and i was tired and no longer lonely, so i quit the room and made like a tree for my bed. after setting the alarm clock on my cell phone for 2am, to wake up william so that he could drive home. i had a lot of trouble sleeping, though, and i think i was half-awake when it went off. however, he didn't wake up until 5:30. he came in to say goodbye and goodnight, though, which was very nice. i remember hearing him talking randomly throughout the night. i couldn't make out any of the words, though, so he could've been talking on the phone, to grandpa the cat, or to himself randomly whether sleeping or awake. maybe an hour after he left, i still wasn't asleep, i was cold, and i remembered that he'd left the front door unlocked, and dad would get onto me about that in the morning. so i got up to lock it, and went into the comic room (where william slept) to get my cell phone. it, the other phone, all the blankets and some pillows, were strewn across the floor. it was very funny. i was putting them back on the futon when i was overcome with sleep (thank god) and collapsed on sight. it was a very weird night, and i'm quite upset with my body's sleep pattern. i slept until about 10:45, and got up to make some tea. oodalali.

i spent most of today pining in solititude. around 6, alice and brock showed up. we hung out here for a while, ate some food, burned some cds. the highlight of the evening was cuddling in my futon, where we had mass ticklage and love-age. brock and i rubbed, gummed, bit, and licked alice's ears to death, but how can we be blamed? they are soft, tiny, beautiful: you would have done the same.
at any rate, i was impressed that brock participated. it was only because alice was there, but i'm not complaining. after a while, we went to sonic for some sweet treats before dropping by our old favorite place the java cabana thursday night open-mic. we drove by it, but no one was there so we parked, looked in the window, and drove off again. very very stalky, if i do say so myself. we were listening to this beatles tape in the car, which made us want to watch "help!" and "yellow submarine" so we came back here. i couldn't find them, and brock finally helped me remember that i'd left them at laylee's house during the beatles party. we thought about going to laylee's to get them, and then watching them at brock's, but it was almost 10 and alice had to be home at 11, so it was not going to happen. instead, they found some old tape labelled "SNL" which i couldn't figure out why we had, since i'm not a huge fan or anything. all became clear when sting announced that veruca salt was the guest musician. but until then, i think i must've fell asleep. i don't really remember anything except hearing the opening bass line of "shutterbug" and sitting up momentarily to watch louise post and nina gordon be cute and matching. i crashed back into the pillow when it was over, and sort of died again. when brock and alice had to leave, i walked them to the door like a good hostess. i went back to the futon and turned off the light, but for some reason, could NOT fall asleep. i'm really annoyed, so here i am. yep. but kind of lonely now. le sigh.

last night i was planning on catching up on all my shit in the most minute detail, but i got home, got online, and got lonely. luckily, brandon signed on and i convinced that bastard to call me. after some bed talk, his cell died and i fell asleep where i was. i woke up to the phone this morning -- it was my mom and sister in georgia, guilting me about not getting together with my engrish project group yesterday. my throat is really really sore, so i've made some peppermint tea and doused it with wildberry honey in order to get cracking on this stupid language bitch. in my unmentionables.

listening to: the reindeer section - raindrop

in an chance fit of lunacy, brett hanover biked over to my house for a glass of the lemonade he helped me conquer about a week or so ago. he stayed for about 2 hours during which time we were involved in random acts of internet surfing (ex: the crimson room) and email harassment, i.e. "welcome to the jungle. unbeleivable, isnt it? that two people could exist in perfect harmony without realizing the nature of it all. 2 times the charm, i always say." -- sent to the owner of this site.

SOFTSHOPPING TODAY
WIT DA GURLZZZ
AFTER I CLEAN, MUTHAFUCKA

quote of the day, brought to you by miss jo hoyle:
"you bashin my fashin?!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA shit!
also, she invited me to go see a show at the caravan with her tomorrow. don't forget!!
...is anyone up for it?

today is kind of disappointing. that seems like the wrong word, like it shouldn't have turned out this way because it started out with me thinking i would be doing NOTHING. but i spent most of the day on the phone with brock, a good bit with alice, lay in the bed with morgan, made macaroni, and cleaned up the comic room to the best of my ability. brock, alice, and i had decided to hang out but had to wait for a long time to be able to. i can't remember why exactly. around 8, while waiting for brock to call me back after he ate, sallis called and asked if i wanted to go out for ice cream. he hadn't had a very good day, and i think he was lonely, as was i. he got here at about 8:30 and we went to sonic for something sweet and quick. he had "sunny border blue" by kristin hersh in his car, which was great and very mood-appropriate. sallis had to be home by like 9, so he took me home at 8:45 or something like that. we fought over who paid for my root beer float. oh it's me. bitch. SO after he left, i called brock's cell phone and told him that i was back at home. he said they were getting gas, and arrived at my house about 10 minutes later. we went to cat's and looked through all the used cds, but only brock got anything -- an early shonen knife album. very good find!! it was late, so they were closing before i found anything. after we left, we drove past melissa's house like the stalkers we are. then i was taken home and given a ritual hug. there were some highlights while with sallis and at cat's, but mostly the night (like the day) was really empty. i've come home depressed and i want to go to bed early tonight.

so apparently i'm not exactly confined to the house. i think i can still go out tonight as long as i finish cleaning the comic room. but i'm still sad that our happy day has been postponed... it doesn't matter. someone call me.

listening to: that dog - punk rock girl

i learned this morning that i'm on house arrest because i am not going out of town with mom and morgan to visit my grandparents. i can't leave on wednesday, when they're leaving, because i have a group english project to do that day. so until they're gone, i am not allowed to leave the house. apparently. i'm hoping that at least by late tomorrow, mom will let up. this is upsetting, especially since for once i actually had an awesome day planned, consisting of bra shopping, picnicking, and movie partying. does anyone have suggestions for things to do in my own house, once i finish cleaning? i do NOT want to sit here online for two days.

the sickest blog of all time.

i think i finally feel the urge to give a real update.... maybe. okay. we'll try this.
friday: i think i failed the history test i studied so hard for. i felt prepared, but not really prepared for what was on the thing, which KILLS me. i don't know if i've never taken a test like that, where i studied so hard and felt so unconfident. anyway, that's enough of that. at lunch we flung water on each other and got laughed at by crazy people. i was obnoxious and loud. we also bought tickets for the softball game feat LA and lauren for the last hour of school, but it got cancelled so i had a 1.5 hour math class, which i slept through 2/3 of. so when the bell finally rang, i was really crazy tired and out of it for my post-school time that i usually spend kinda crazy with people i know. i was so weird feeling that i forgot to ask for a ride to davis-kidd, and everybody had to be somewhere after school anyway, so i had to walk in the rain. partway there, sallis called and asked what i was doing. he would not put up with me going to davis-kidd alone for friday afternoon, and went to ask his mom if he could come hang out. in a while, he called me back and said that it might be a bit because he had to run errands first, and then i thought he was only going to hang out until like 4 anyway because of picking up his brother, but it turns out that he didn't have to do that. go figure. at any rate, when brock called and asked if he could come hang out at davis-kidd, i thought sallis was going to be a while in coming and i also thought that katherine, whose house is close to there, would be able to come pick up brock and take us to my house for drumming, since sallis can only drive one person. (CHRIST, RUN ON?!) but sallis got there sooner than i'd though, and katherine wasn't allowed to hang out after all. things turned out okay though. i was still really groggy when i got there, so i went and fell asleep on the bench in the YA section. brock called and woke me up to find out where i was, and he came and tickled my stomach with his soft soft fingers. we walked around a little and were looking at supposedly easter-themed picture books when my phone started ringing. i picked it up, and it was sallis... and he was standing like a foot behind us. wahhahaah. i hope he wasn't upset that brock was there; i felt bad that i had fucked up his plans for just the two of us for a bit before meeting back with the group. instead, the three of us walked over to BYB and had some food. alice came after a while, and we split up to drive to robin's house, to pick up the rest of the drums her dad found (!!) but no one was home. that was sort of irritating, since robin said it would be okay for us to come before 6, as long as we called. which we did. twice. at any rate, we went on to my house, and sallis and i listened to le tigre, which was nice. i haven't listened to the whole album in a while. i am getting impatient for a new one though, like woah. at home, alice and sallis each got their first go at hitting the skins. i think sallis will make a very good drummer, and i am excited for him to learn. alice has already learned a few little beats, so we are already on our fucking way. or someone is. after a while, hunter came over to heal them. he said they WEREN'T completely crappy, which was sort of cheering. he said he'd give us some head or something, i can't remember. but my mom had ordered 3 pizzas, so we went and ate those, and forgot about the drums for the rest of the night. it makes me wonder if hunter finished doing whatever he was doing... but whatever. so we ate pizzas, watched a couple bjork videos, very randomly watched the momo's ball tape, looked at SHIT on my computer, sat around, and generally were silly. sallis left at some time because he didn't want to go to this show with us, plus i think he had to be home. around 9 or so, hunter said "my face hurts from smiling and laughing so much!" it was super sweet. i really like him, so i'm glad he's had fun being around with us. at 10:30 we left for the show that started at.... 10:30. it was kind of a bad idea, because we knew that since it was at hi-tone, which is a bar, we should go early to try and get in. but instead we were late. very smart. so yeah, we were turned away at the door. they would'nt even let us come in with x-ed hands. that was really weird, they've done that at all other shows i've seen there. even more weird was the event of walking over to circle k before we left because alice had to use the restroom. inside was none other than mr. brad postlethwaite, who said to me "hello, how are you?" i am positive that he thought i was my sister, whose play he played music for. after he went away, i said to hunter "HE THOUGHT I WAS MY SISTER." and uh, he was still right behind me, and still looking at me according to hunter. i think he was confused, like he could tell there was something a little wrong, but i looked like her and was the same height, so what was the problem? i didn't think until later that i should've been like "brad, pallie! they won't let us into the show because we're underage. give a friend some help." but i didn't even THINK of that. oh well. it wasn't a really big deal to me anyway, plus it would've been $10 and i'm... poor. after that bust, we drove around trying to think of someplace to go since no one for a while. we ended up at republic coffee, but no one really wanted any food/drink, so we left. then we went to peabody park and swang on the swings. for some reason, i got kinda down, but i don't really remember why. i sat in the slide and got wet from the rain. they came to get me when it was time to go, and when i got dropped off i was wet and unhuggable. i think i got online for a little while, but i don't really remember anything. i can't finish this post now, my brain is leaking. i'll be back...

listening to:

christie: hes a cutie
alanna: yeah
alanna: kinda nuts
christie: i cannot believe i said cutie
christie: what the fuck
christie: im 37 years old

last night brandon called at 12:45 and we talked until almost 3. i fell asleep with the phone in my hand. i feel really horrible that whenever he calls, i go into my room and lie on the bed, so i get really really tired and make no sense whatsoever. every time. but even so, talking to him was beautiful, and i love him. by the end of it, though, i think we were both a bit sadder than we'd started out. fucking distance.
i just woke up like an hour ago, and i'm going to keep sitting around for a bit before i do anything. oh wait brock is on the phone apoighpwoihgpoawiehgawhg.

cheese + turkey + wax + carrots mix for brock

if it seems similiar to the cheese + turkey love mix for laylee, that's because this is the same mix, only i replaced the songs brock already knew.

01) Lunachicks - Jerk of all trades
02) Bangs - I Want More
03) the Seconds - burning up
04) The Gossip - Got Body If You Want It
05) The Frumpies - Baby Plays For Pritty
06) Selby Tigers - Droid
07) Sleater-Kinney - Off With Your Head
08) Stereo Total - LA, CA, USA
09) Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci - Poodle Rockin’
10) James Kochalka - Monkey Vs. Robot
11) Tullycraft - Pop Songs Your New Boyfriend’s Too Stupid To Know About
12) Jimmy Eat World - The Authority Song
13) Against Me! - we laugh at danger (and break all the rules)
14) Ima Robot - Alive
15) The Slits - shoplifting
16) Semiautomatic - Resident Genius
17) Peaches - Set It Off
18) Deerhoof - Milking
19) Tracy + the Plastics - Hey Rubella
20) The Casual Dots - Clock
21) Xiu Xiu - Clowne Towne
22) Amps For Christ - Enids Rant
23) Kristin Hersh - The Key
24) Devendra Banhart - Nino Rojo
25) Lakuna - Lemongrass
26) Apples in Stereo - Glowworm
27) Death Cab For Cutie - The Sound of Settling
28) Throwing Muses - Shark
29) Talking Heads - Pulled Up

listening to: alex lloyd - black the sun

does this movie look amazing or what?

i love late nights. wooka.

what a fucking nuts day.

i'm not tired because i've consumed so much grease/sugar/coffee. after blogging earlier today, i met up with margaret and katherine at starbucks around 6:30 to study for this massive history review test we have tomorrow. i'm really glad we did that because i study SO badly on my own. katherine and i were there till closing time at 11, and margaret had left only half an hour or so before that. it was crazy studying like woah. we got a LOT done, and talked only a minimal amount, but what we did say was great. i love talking to margaret. we discussed what a great mom she'd be, and we talked about parents, and about college, and people, and it was just all in a very good way. maybe because of the spring and the wind and the nice everything. i still have all my regular homework to do, and still fucking chemistry make-up work that i've been avoiding. gahhhh. i failed that test today.
brandon brandon puppy love, i'm so sorry i missed your call AGAIN. we were at starbucks and the phone was in my bag, and i wouldn't have been able to talk anyway. but margaret really enjoyed listening to the message. she thought your voice was great.
CRAZY UNTIRED ALANNA HAD 2.3 COFFEES AT STARBUCKS. PLUS WATER. AND A CRACKER. AOWIGHPAOWGHPOWAHGPOHAWPOGHPWOAIEH.

listening to: got rice, bitch?

every day this week, i've missed calls from brandon on my cell phone. i feel very bad about that, and love, i'm sorry. one of the times, he called at 9:08 and i turned on my phone and got his message at 9:10. it was sad stuff, but i had too much work to call him back. maybe tonight will be the charm of the week. i'm rambling, and okay.

this week is full of spring, and i love it. alice, brock, and i went to ck's after school and had milkshakes and grease. i rubbed all over alice's soft-ass arm, and brock rubbed all over mine. it was very nice. nobody rubs me but laylee, so that in itself was exciting.
I'M A MEATBALL I'M A MEATBALL

a good afternoon! i'll come back later.

DRUM FUND IS OVER

after school and BYB club, katherine and i headed over to robin's pad to pick up/pay for our new (for us, at least) set of DRUMS. the whole thing was in a wheelbarrow in her backyard next to pink flamingoes, daffodils, and a long-neglected pool. robin's dad showed us basically how to set them up. he was a really cool guy, and kept saying what crappy drums they were. we got our snare, tom, bass, sticks, cymbals, and infinite amount of stands into katherine's hotass honda, and presented the contract we had written only minutes before. mr. goodwin considered the proposition, and rejected it. $40 was too much for these drums, apparently. it turns out that the snare was the only thing decent in the whole kit, and was the only thing he even wanted to make us pay for. but for some reason (embarassment?) he GAVE THEM ALL AWAY! we were ecstatic. so ecstatic that i attempted to drum on the glove compartment to alice's mix allll the way home. we set up the drums in the comics/futon/blue/Alan's Writing Room and tried to mess around for a while. but, as sleater-kinney would remind us, "good things never wanna stay," and we had to study for history. we called brock and of course, he had to drum for a bit as soon as he got over here. we tried to watch these american revolution tapes, but nearly fell asleep. even though the little old man was super hot. we then took turns reading aloud from the study guide, but such a group as ours is easily distracted, so we got very little accomplished. so little that i really don't need to be blogging right now, because i should be studying still. pictures to come when the server revives... listening to: swans - big strong boss

TODAY SUCKED.

ONE AND A HALF HOURS OF SLEEP, MAYBE. I'M TRYING TO FORGET. NO MORE QUESTIONS.
good things:
-february and the winter months are dead and gone.
-though it rained all night, the day was beautiful and sunny.
-we had a jumping contest after school, which brock obviously won, his little head hitting the blue painted sky. but he LIFTED ME so that i would win! he LIFTED ME like a real lift! ohhhhh my.
-tomorrow is dr. seuss and eileen's birthday.
-morgan read "horton hears a hoo" aloud to us in the car
-i got a sonic reese's blast, and i'm enjoying myself.
-i got my amazon packages that weren't supposed to come until march 11, and that makes me happy.
-this week feels like a relief, even though i can tell it won't be.
-WE ARE BUYING DRUMS FOR $45 FROM ROBIN'S DAD. HOLY SHIT.

listening to: dirty power - hate my way (throwing muses cover)

the server is acting up right now, but when it comes back you should be able to check out pictures from friday's PONO NITE and last night with brittany. but for now, i've got too much work (and brandon) to be able to blog right. so you have to wait.

if everyone could please listen to "the key" by kristin hersh, it would be very much appreciated because i want to make a video for it. so if you could think about images and ideas and whatever comes into your head when you listen to it, and give me suggies, it would be very much appreciated.

listening to: pixies - subbacultcha

Barefoot- free, rebellious, and wild, you hate
boundries and rules. You tend to be on the
crazy side and often sweep people up along with
you. You are most likely the leader of your
group of friends.
What Kind of Shoe Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


last night i had an adventure with a bottle of lemonade... thank you, brett hanover.

i think you forgot that we should be friends
i think you forgot to call me again
today/night sucks and i want to die. i'm thinking of running around in the cold outside with a camera... probably not.

listening to: 7 year bitch - the midst

anyone up for ditching this dump? with me?

many of you already know that i was not in attendance at white station today. unfortunately for me, i missed the pan-african program, and my damned oral presentation in history. this morning at about 4:15am, i was gladly starting on my last article for the engilsh project. i can't remember why, but i opened up the last one i had done, and it was ... gone. of course. not in the sense of "hello, i am the devil computer, and i just ate your damn file. sorry?" but "hello i am the text file and i am only one paragraph now." i nearly died. i looked through all the recent files and all the auto-saved stuff to see if it would resurface, but to no avail. i decided there was no way that at 4:30 i could redo that essay and finish the others. first i thought i'd just finish everything else, and just be missing an article. i decided to start printing out my history stuff in the mean time, and surprise! when i opened it, my outline was there but everything else was gone. i sat there for a minute, and then went the fuck to bed. about an hour and 15 minutes later, mom was waking us up for school. i could barely move i was so tired, but i managed to get out of bed and show her my dead files. she let me stay home to work on them, but i went back to bed because i could barely stand. guess when alanna wakes up? 2:45pm, when her cell phone starts ringing. fuck fuck. i am too afraid to open any of my other files, because i'm afraid they'll all be gone. i haven't gotten anything done and i want to die. awoeihpaoeghopwahgpiwhoe

two more articles!
one more essay!
oral presentation to tweak!
MASS AMOUNTS OF PRINTING!
EXODUS!!!

i want everyone to listen to "the key" by kristin hersh RIGHT NOW with no exceptions because it's the most beautiful song in the world ever, and it never fails to make me a little bit happy. i want to do a video to that song, if i can think of anything good enough...
YES, I'M WORKING!

GOAL: 1 hour of sleep tonight
MET: 30 minutes of accidental nappage
CURRENT CONDITION: near dead, and attempting to sustain myself with gross slimfast product

my stomach is full of waffle finally, and my head is full of sleep, and my hands are full of type type type. this is bad bad bad. i want to be beds.

i've been looking at all these pictures of the gay marriages going on, and i'm crying again.
see for yourself.
some of you have heard this story, but i want to tell it so that i'll remember it for myself later. the other night i stayed up really late doing homework, and i walked into the kitchen where i found this rainbow "THANK YOU" note. it was from our lesbian neighbors karen and lois, who recently adopted a baby boy from russia. mom had given them some books for him, hence the note. the first paragraph was your standard "we love the books!" response, but the second was something about "thank you so much for supporting us... we're so glad to have friends like you who understand" etc. it being very late, i couldn't get it through my head that there should be anything wrong with what they are and how they live... i knew that there were things up against them, but at 2am i really couldn't understand why. i got very upset.
and now i'm looking at these pictures, which are so beautifully happy and at the same time really upsetting. i don't know.

listening to: frou frou - track 3(?)

AAGHHHHH!!! WHY!!!?!????
the pro bono video looks awful. let's all hope i forget to bring it to school tomorrow.

AHHHH I JUST GOT MY "DEATH TO THE PIXIES, WE'RE BETTER" PIXIES COVERS ALBUM, BURNED SPECIFICALLY FOR ME AND SENT ALL THE WAY FROM HOLLAND BY ZEA, A BAND ON THE ALBUM. WOOOWOWHIOEHEA.

listening to: pixels - gigamuffin (pixies tribute)

OH GOD I CRAVE A WAFFLE. WHERE IS MY WAFFLE?

school was yick today. therapy went surprisingly well, though. i am starving, but in a good mood.

i saw "red paint" again tonight, and i thought it went quite well. bravo to the cast... especially morgan and william. bitches. you're hott.

friday: so i ended up applying to 5 AP classes. i obviously don't plan to take all of them. but yeah. it's crazy. anyway. after school, mom picked me up so that we could go get my permit. but she was a little late, and that place was crowded as hell. i didn't feel like i'd studied enough that i was confident i'd pass. and what's the point of being at that damned place forever if you're going to have to come back very soon? so we left, and i came home. i sat around for a while, and napped in morgan's bed until like 5:30. i'd been waiting to hear from some people about doing the pro bono video, and we finally made plans to meet at audoban park, although it was way too dark to film anything. dad drove me there after he took morgan to theatreworks, but we drove around for half an hour and could NOT find my damn friends. at this point, i was sure that the night was going to be horrible but it got a lot better. evenutally i met up with alice, LA, and allison at ck's where i had some grilled cheese and nice. by that time, i'd heard that poor brock was in a small wreck although when i called, he was still there and couldn't talk.
the four of us went to super target and tried on bras, which was super fun only that it's impossible to find something that fits. where is laylee? where is my bra-shopping with laylee day? at any rate, we ran around super target and got icees. then somehow we got horribly lost and ended up in fucking eads. some woman in the car next to us, at the end of walnut grove, tried to hit on us. we got to shelby farms, but were terrified and left for galloway gardens to lay on the golf course. we rolled down a hill about 203597 times before laying out a blanket to cuddle on. alice, LA, and i were very snuggly but allison was ... not. i don't think she had fun at ALL that night, and she kept trying to go home. it was bad, and i don't think she wants to hang out with us again. plus she kind of killed the mood, but i tried not to pay attention to it. at home, eileen was spending the night. we tried to watch "lost in translation" but we all fell asleep on the couch.
saturday: i woke up, and talked to mom for a while. she is really good to talk to, and i should start doing that more. i never talked to katherine, so we didn't get to go drum shopping yet. which is upsetting, but i think we're going to ask robin about her dad's old set this week. woo! at any rate. i can't really remember what happened during the day, except for seeing morgan and eileen a bit. i cleaned, and at 3, alice, LA, and brock came to pick me up. we grabbed the camera and high-tailed it over to overton park where we filmed the pro bono video. we had a lot of ideas, but only ended up doing one of them -- the one that no one is going to pay attention to on the announcements. oh well, we can do some more maybe. it took us forever to do just this little 30 second video, so knows. when we finished, we were STARVING so we went to wendy's. sallis called me, and i'm sad that i couldn't see him at all this weekend. baby love, forgive me... anyway, i got home around 6:15. morgan, eileen, and amelia were cuddling on the sofa watching "blue citrus hearts" and mom and dad were getting ready to go out to eat. this was bad. i had to clean my room, and then i'd be alone at home with no ride to becca's for our super sleepover night of death. i was upset. i talked to sallis on the phone for a while as i cleaned, but i don't think he's big on phones and he didn't stick around. then i switched off talking to laylee and becca for forever. finally, kevin said he'd pick us up, which i felt horrible about. the boy is a sweet sweet thing. laylee and i got to becca's around 10, where we watched "the cell" on becca's lovely green couch and talked all night. it's really crazy thinking that in all the time we've known each other, the three of us have never hung out alone... i wish we'd done it before now. i had a nice time, though.
sunday: so i'm apparently a massive cover hog. i slept in the middle of becca's futon and caused damage to the population of the world. we woke up at 11am, and laylee had to leave pretty much right away. that was sad. becca and i had breakfast, which was toast and hot chocolate from powder that william made himself. we talked to becca's mom, which i really enjoyed. then my mom came to pick me up. and that's about all. i'm avoiding homework. alack alack.

TO BED AT 3! NO AP FOR ME!

one thing about me staying up to finish work-- no matter how late it is, after i finish brushing my teeth, i MUST clean something in the surrounding bathroom area. it never fails.

CREEPY NOISES OUTSIDE. AWEIHAOPGIHEOPHIOPAWEHII.

MAKE ALANNA'S 2004-05 SCHEDULE!!

this is my new contest.
what classes do i take next year?!
YOU decide!
(but do it quickly because my AP apps are due tomorrow...)

japanese 1
ap psychology
ap latin
ap english
honors english
ap statistics
honors pre-cal
honors physics ("the most poetic of the sciences" according to my mother)


pick five!
prove you love me!

well, mom forgot about taking me to the dmv today. so i'm still over 6 months away from the world of driving.
at any rate, today was a lot better than i thought it'd be. even though i stayed up until 2am finishing my homework that i didn't start until 11pm, i was not tired at all today, except for about 20 minutes in 7th period. i think today was just so good because of yesterday's afternoon/evening of NICE THINGS, and of course the beeeeautiful weather. we sat outside on the "grass" for lunch. it was so nice.
after school, alice, brock, and i went to backyard burger. this has become a weekly ritual, apparently. and i like it very much. those kids are very good post-school talkers, and i lub em. i wish i could do nice things every day... life would just be a lot better. i believe that wholeheartedly, too. bitches.
i got to davis-kidd around 4, and by 5 i still hadn't been picked up. i was really nervous that my mom had already come and i hadn't been there, and that i was being left to rot and die. i tried to work on as much homework as i could in the meantime, though. who should show up while i was gazing horrifically at an AP psychology application, but the dear sir sallis! even though he was only there for a few minutes, and during most of that time i was borrowing his cell phone, it was quite good to see him. i love the boy, and i really wish i got to see him more often.
so, mom was simply running late, due to a detour in spain, and eventually picked me up at like 5:30. she bought a milk chocolate with caramel bar for me and morgan as an apology. it was a damn good apology. we each had a piece and sat in pure silence for two whole minutes, just savoring that damn chocolate. it was a beautiful moment. my family-- lovers of chocolate, if nothing else.

listening to: the simpsons

i'm going to try and take my driving permit test thing tomorrow, with a very low knowledge level. everyone wish me luck! aya!

brock called to ask me a question about math homework. so obviously, we stayed on the phone for four hours. and we only stopped because his phone died. holy christ, i love the boy.

we're no longer winning any drums on ebay. this pleases me.
catching up quickly... monday was a half-day. we didn't do anything because you really can't on a half day. afterwards, i went to lunch at rafferty's with sallis, brock, and alice. i love those kids... then we came to my house, where morgan, eileen, and foot were hiding. we watched a few music videos and things before katherine came to meet us. we rerecorded the "hamster lovin" song because in the old version, we were all really tired, and inappropriate laughter in the middle. sallis also added a hamster rap bridge. ooh excitement. after sallis and eileen left, and morgan and foot went off to explore math homework, the concept of the day finally came around. basically, "band practice" consisted of bidding on drumsets on ebay. katherine, alice, and brock thought up a nice concept for a song though, which we recorded so that no one would forget it. after katherine and alice left, brock and i hung out for a little while before heading over to his house where he ate and his family further deepened their suspicions that i'm anorexic. then we drove over to eudora churchy and sat with hunter to enjoy the music of memphis youth symphony. katherine and alice were lovely! bravo bravo! the concert ended somewhat late, but i was a bad girl and stayed talking longer than i should've. dad called and asked if they could come get me, and i said to pick me up at brock's because we were just leaving. none of us had realized that it was 10. mom had to pick me up, and she was sick. i don't know why dad didn't do it. we got caught by a train and some old people and didn't get home until 10:45. i felt really horrible, and shut up in the bathroom for a while. you know how that is. bathrooms are my depressed place, if you were not aware. anyway. i went to bed pretty much without doing any homework.
this was supposed to be a quick update. fuck's sake.
tuesday was shit. i don't want to go into that at all. the end.
today was worse shit. it all carried over from the increasingly horrible last night, and today i faked happy, which made it worse. telling you guys that i was faking it is a definitely bad idea. because it defeats the purpose. but hahaha i don't care because i'm saying it for me, and not you. anyway. it was awful. so awful, that because i was in a horrible mood after 6th period, becca invited me over to her house for post-school happy time. kevin and laylee took us to her house, and on the way we ate kevin's 34-day old pizza that had been cooking in the back of his car. we had a bit, until becca threw that shit out the window. oh how pepperonis fly. we got to becca's, grabbed the dog, and hopped along to the gas station for a chex mix/cheetos/dr pepper run where we offended some grumpy middle-aged woman by trying to double park. talking to becca is great. she is an amazing listener, talker, and confidence-installer. plus that bitch is hysterical. we hung out until 5:30, and i had a wonderful wonderful time... i hope she did too. i am excited about our saturday night night with layleekins. ewaohgpohiwe the phone is ringing, hang on kids.

listening to: the news

i want to die.

katherine, the scandaliz vandalistz, and i are currently bidding on four different drum sets on ebay. now that it's happening, i don't want us to win anything just because the shipping will be more expensive than we calculated, and the drums will not be what we thought, and anyway hunter said it's easy to make a cheap drumset just going to yardsales, and i'm worried that we might accidentally win TWO kits, and god damn it. the porch ghouls' entire drumset is a suitcase with a tambourine on it. come the fuck on. how much can we ask for?

puppy, put the skirt on. make me forget who i thought you were (the hip cat of my nightmares) until you devotedly scratched at my door, and every day for two months, howled to the shell of me. trickster, love bites dissolved my chains between your teeth, you melted ice with sugar.

puppy, take the skirt off in my dreams: become my faithful lump. you're a regular visitor in my head these days-- again you stalk in, look around, find a nice clean spot and settle down, shed all over the fucking carpet. how am i supposed to keep this place up, since now you wanna be my dog?

come home, puppy

i feed you under the table straight from my hand, your tongue greasing my palm in its search for the difference between me and the salt. after dinner, you present me with collar and leash, begging night's adventures. when we crawl back in through the broken window, we

come home puppies wet with rain and reeking of grass. so what if we spent all night chasing after cars, sniffing lamp posts, waiting for a bus that never came? we curl up at the foot of the matress and gently whimper into sleep as the moon turns into sugar.

yikes. i'm in trouble.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LA!

i attempted to meet up with my english group at 2pm at the library. i couldn't find them for like 10 minutes. it sucked. finally, i caught becky in the cafe. i ordered a caffe mocha. mmm. i tipped the guy because he was nice and cute. we worked way too hard on that dinky-ass project. i was irritated that i had to miss yogurt. brock picked me up when we finished working, and we drove around on a wild search for coffee. i love that damn boy. we listened to 5 6 7 8's and sleater-kinney. he needs new cds though. nothing in the car really fit the mood. we stopped at java and laughed at our old life. the photographs weren't that bad, actually. i'm a sucker for amazing colors. we were driving down cooper singing (he was corin and i was carrie) when we noticed that william and becca were in the other lane, with daniell trailing behind. we followed them to the parking lot of media co-op where we talked for a few minutes. i hope we weren't too annoying. i think i was being really obnoxious. brock and i finally found coffee at ... starbucks. ahha. there were no seats so we had to sit in his car in the parking lot and drink our caffe mochas. guys, i've now had FOUR caffe mochas in THREE days. this is getting sick. brock drove me home and he reviewed my latest mix. i am worried that alice won't like it, and i was annoyed with myself for repeating songs that brock put on her mix. i don't know why i didn't ask him. oh i remember why. it was damn 11pm when i made it. oh well. it was a very nice day. sallis called, and i love him. he sent me a carnation. i don't know if i said that, but i should have. he is the sweetest thing.

listening to: ima robot - alive

band practice is cancelled. that is sad. except that it's just postponed till tomorrow. hooray!!! does anyone want to drum for SV? anybody have some drums they don't need? god damn.
i have to go to the library and do a stupid project. gag gag gag. i hate waxy wexy.

.the first paragraph is rated G for gross and graphic. tonight i discovered that when i squish my face over to the left, the skin on my nose moves in a weird way and my cartilage pops out of my fucking face. it's only the one side, too. the other one just does what everyone elses does. but the right nostril's skin just does not want to stay over the bone part or something. it's DISGUSTING and TERRIFYING but highly unnoticable. i showed my mom, brock, and katherine, but only katherine screamed and saw it for its true self. the other two were too blind to see anything weird about it.
on the asides, the weekend is going well. yesterday's planned party didn't work out the way we'd hoped. after school, katherine and i came here to edit, and we got a lot done, i thought. before she left, i got my mom to talk to her about the dilemmna of deciding whether to go to music camp and have a better chance of getting accepted at oberlin, or going to au pair in morocco for the chance of a lifetime. mom is very helpful, and pretty soon both the parents, plus me and eileen were sitting there helping katherine decide her future. it was crazy, and i hope it helped. as she was leaving, brock arrived. we sat him down in the interrogation chair and tried to help him make life-changing decisions, but i don't think we had as much impact. soon, alice and LA arrived, and we stood around for a while before going to see the play, which was much better than i expected. morgan and william were the best. they were adorable. paul and morgan make cute siblings, also. there were a lot of people at the play... amelia, eileen, mouse, me, brock, alice, and LA all sat in the front row, and becca, christine, stephanie, and katherine sat in the back. i was sad that we couldn't sit together, but it was kind of nice that it meant there enough other people in the audience for that to be a problem. big morgan and amber gave me hugs. i kind of miss seeing them every week at open-mic. i won't go on and on about the play, because i know some of you are expecting to see it tomorrow night or next weekend. support our own voice!
after the play, we stood around talking for about a million and one years. some of it was nice, but i didn't like being at the theatre for so fucking long. i had a large group of friends there, though, and it's hard to get that many people at once to listen to you and make plans and things. it took us forever just to move out to the lobby, then another forever to move outside, and another forever to move to the sidewalk. it was really painful, because i was EXTREMELY hyper and restless. i can't tell if it's the restless that makes me hyper or vice versa, or if it's just situational entirely. anyway, we decided to go to gibson's. becca had to ride with christine to show her where to go, and didn't want william to be alone, so i rode with him. even though we took a wrong turn, and had to stop at my house for me to get some money, we got to gibson's before anyone else. on the way, we made wild noises, wrote an opera, and staged a musical. horse lips woman at the red light was not amused. we only got to be at gibson's for a very short amount of time because by now it was almost 11, and that's when practically everyone had to be home. i really wish we hadn't taken so damn long getting out of the theatre. oh well. i was sad that we had to break up so quickly, and i also felt bad that william had just driven me from midtown to east memphis and then had to drive me BACK to midtown, and back to east memphis with becca. williammm thank you. will you be my crazy whale heart? we listened to loud peaches and selby tigers, and danced like wild cats of love. suddenly becca asked if they HAD to take me home and i was like "fuck no!" it made me really happy, and we drove and drove and drove and danced danced danced revolutions. a scary hispanic man tried to hail us down with his silver car, flashy cell phone, filthy money, and cat calls, but we were not sucked in. we drove all the way to arkansas and deep into its abyss before we lost that stupid guy and came back to memphia. the river was lovely, and reeked in the light of the bridge. we put our faces to the wind and blew back the air we caught. it was a nice little night, as a whole, and i came home incredibly hyper. in some ways, i don't like coming home wound up because then there's nothing for me to do here to fix that, but it's still better than coming home wound down. that would mean that i didn't enjoy myself enough to keep it up or something. i don't know. anyway, i got here just as morgan, amelia, and eileen were going to bed. i was hyper, as stated, and injured myself on something in morgan's room while attempting to sing and dance jimmy eat world. my foot is now very bruised and it hurts to walk on it. (one reason i'm still sitting in here.) amelia and eileen wanted me to cuddle in the bed, and so i did. morgan fell asleep but the rest of us stayed up and talked for a while. i told them about my obsession with backs, which led to the day's main event. after valentine's day breakfast this morning, which was pastries and mousse-y chocolate thingies from la baguette, eileen, morgan, amelia, and i took turns taking pictures of each other's backs. we also drew on each other's backs with smelly markers and it was too much fun. i love backs. there are some of them posted right now, i still have to decide if any more are suitable for the internet. some of them, though lovely as back photos, could be misinterpretted somewhat. and katherine will testify to that. some of the ones i posted might not even be so great. after eileen and amelia left, i showered, played around with the pictures, called brock, and just hung out for a while before katherine came over at around 6 or so to edit. it took us a while, but we editted one scene (maybe it could count as two, though) and it looks really good. after that, we sort of lost the drive and sat on the couch. mom, dad, and morgan were all away at the play. brock had decided not to come over like he'd planned, and we were sad. we decided to call him and serenade him with our lovely song "brock, come over. we are really bored. brock, come over. we wanna get it on." unfortunately, his mother picked up. he was not at home. we were heart-broken. so we set out to find him at davis-kidd. we were so surprised that he was actually there, we had to sneak up on him. we stood there behind him for a little while, and he didn't notice until katherine started laughing. then he thought we were laughing at him, i think, and he seemed really sad. but when we realized we had come to visit him, he was happy and we had a lovely night chatting it up at the d-k bar. i got my second caffe mocha in two days, which is a little sick. this one didn't have red sprinkles though. i love those kids. we talk about everything, and i love it. the woman working at bronte was even amused. we left, having realized we'd always wanted to drive down flicker street, that little road the veers off from the ramp that goes from union to poplar, by my house. so we drove to my house, where first brock pissed in my backyard (i forgot my key) and then we all piled in his car and screamed down FLICKER ST AHHHHH and flicked everything off. there were no people and it was pretty crazy. every single thing on it looked like a movie. we also had a lot of great ideas for our new movie tonight, and we got really excited. flicker street just turns into central at the end, next to that tobey park thing. the best part about the end of the road is the billboard there. it's the lowest billboard i've ever seen. we decided to film part of the movie on it. it will be brilliant. katherine and i helped brock climb onto it and he danced around in the rain, in front of this huge, disgustingly yellow 'charmed' ad. i love the boy. i can't wait to film the movie there. ahhhh i can't spoil too much about the plot yet. i'm not saying a word. AT ANY RATE. after that, we drove back to my house because katherine had to be home. we all hugged and brock was a fuzzy lumberback named carl and katherine was an old movie star goddess. brock came inside, where we warmed up a stick of garlic bread and split it. we sat on the couches with mom and she told us crazy stories about hers and my relatives. it was very great, because mom is a wonderful storyteller and my family will never cease to amaze me. the best stories were the ones about people dying in ways that made mom laugh. you people don't want to know the kind of people i'm related to. it's sick, truly. at 10:45 brock had to go back home and he hugged me like three times at the door. it was very sweet. he pissed in my backyard. ahahahahhahaa. at any rate. valentine's day was a success in that i met the beautiful backs of several people, and decided i should photograph backs on a regular basis. although i forgot to ask katherine and brock if i could do theirs. fuck. already, my plan is failing.
after brock left, mom was getting worried about when morgan was going to come home so i was instructed to figure it out. i called becca to ask if she had the number of the place where the cast party was, but she didn't know. but william was bringing morgan home at that very moment, so all was well, and becca and i got to talk on the phone for a while. i wish i got to talk to her more often, but she is a busy bumblebee. i hope she realizes that she can always call me when she's bored. and the same goes to all you bitches. am i going to get to the sad state of posting my phone number on the internet so that i will have more going on?! christ almighty.
zoe invited me to her advice blog. wootie woot i'm now an advice-er. i don't know how good i am at advice hahahaah. not very good. but i'm better than brittany's -- "YOUR NEIGHBOR HAS THE HOTS FOR YOU" or whatever. ahah shit. brittany went to bed a little while ago. we had our first hyperactive online conversation in forever. i forget how insane we always made each other. next weekend, i want her to come to "red paint" with me, and maybe spend the night. i think that would be nice. and maybe she could meet some of my friends. i would like that, anyway. i don't want her to be some crazy far-away anymore. i miss our stupid.
tomorrow was supposed to be my first day of yogurt, because i'm "on punishment" and apparently that means yoga with sophie. *shudder* but there's a SCANDALIZ VANDALISTZ rehearsal that brock and i must attend, because are now part of the band. AHHHHHHH!!!!! how good is life? i've always wanted a band. it's a shame i can't sing. but there's nothing else i can do either. maybe they'll just let me stand in the back and play air guitar. i'd still hit the wrong notes, and get booed off the stage. oh well. at any rate, we're going. we also plan to buy an $80 drum set off ebay, even if it doesn't have any cymbals. we're desperate, okay?! if you can think of something better, fucking call me before we do it. the bidding ends in like 20 hours so do it soon. bitches.

listening to: essential logic - pedigree charm
(this post was written in between 11pm and 3am. oh how i suck.)

feathers to sink a ship

a mix for alice

01) the raveonettes - cops on our tail
02) atom and his package - i am downright amazed at what i can destroy with just a hammer
03) pixies - vamos
04) sleater-kinney - little mouth
05) yeah yeah yeahs - miles away
06) essential logic - aerosol burns
07) lunachicks - babysitters on acid
08) veruca salt - volcano girls
09) andrew bird's bowl of fire - T'N'T
10) death cab for cutie - the sound of settling
11) apples in stereo - glowworm
12) pain - thimbledrome
13) bonfire madigan - smoke signals from the burnpile
14) our lady peace - potato girl
15) cornelius - drop
16) elastica - stutter
17) bikini kill - rah! rah! replica
18) myshkin - apricot tree
19) garrison starr - grounded
20) spiritualized - i didn't mean to hurt you
21) polaris - saturnine
22) throwing muses - cowbirds
23) ani difranco - bliss like this
24) de la soul - tread water


i think i have a lot more loud girls than i intended. sorry, alice. you know how i like em.

oh christ i love girl scout cookies.

the people at the backyard burger by school are entirely too nice. i'd left my purse at home today, so when me, brock, and alice went by after school i couldn't buy anything. the nice woman (natalie) who was working there felt sorry for me, and slipped me a cup to get myself a drink. later, she brought me a large fries. before i'd even finished those, she brought me a burger and a hug. when she was getting off her shift, she came over to say goodbye and give me another hug. she was the sweetest little black lady i've ever met. she called me "special." she called brock "booboo." it was a weird experience, but it's nice to know that there are such kind-hearted spirits milling around fast food joints. have sweet dreams, loves. i'm sorry i'm been blogging so erratically.

THIS POST WANTS SOME DETAILED ADDED, BUT THE MAIN OUTLINE IS THERE.

WHAT I'M DOING-
tuesday: some time after i last blogged, i IMed elise with the intention of maybe giving her some constructive criticism. she's been coming up in conversation a whole lot lately, and it's getting more and more negative. it's sad thinking that anyone should have to be talked about like that by so many people, and i was worried that her life will just be that pattern forever if she never realizes it. i thought i could maybe give her a heads-up of sorts. (next day, kevin tells me that she completely misunderstood what i said and she is very mad.)
wednesday: went to backyard burger after school with alice and brock until 4:30. brock dropped me off at davis-kidd right as mom was getting there. i came home, did a little homework, and raced the clock to make plans with becca. she got sick, but we still managed to get to ted's show. we had to have kevin give us a ride there, which i felt HORRIBLE doing, because he wasn't going to stay. especially since he came to my house expecting to pick up both of us, because i hadn't clarified that she was at her own home. so we had to go all the way back to east memphis to get her, and then all the way back to midtown again. the car conversation was nothing short of insane. we got there at about 8:20, but apparently only missed about three minutes of the show. they played for about another five-- it was mostly feedback and pure nothing noise. the band had had whiskey, and forgotten all the songs. the other two bands didn't show up. it was pretty hysterical, but we had a nice conversation with ted after the show. the homeless man who cleans up the joint sang, and is very nice. i gave him change and an earring. my dad had to pick us up, at about 9:15. that turned out to be good, even though becca was sick and had to be home that early anyway. dad was annoyed that i hadn't asked him about taking her home. i suck. i came home and did some homework, but fell asleep before i'd really gotten anything done. fuck?
thursday: i am an idiot in history class. that's about all i remember. after school, i found emmicia at davis-kidd and we got muffins. i worked really hard on my math homework. it made no sense. i didn't feel very well, and told mom so when she picked me up. at home, i IMed elise hoping to clarify the mess i made on tuesday. she didn't say anything for a while, but eventually put up an away message and called me. it was crazy. details details insert minor details here.
friday: i stay home with a sore throat and a headache, but somehow convince my loving parents to let me go to LA's movie party with all the Emo Kids where we watch "west side story" which jenny, christie, and robin talk all over. we also watch "vagina monologues" and katie's 8th grade birthday party video before most people have to leave. eventually, only me, alice, and laylee are left and spend the night. it is very much fun, and very cool to be a different environment (LA's) especially with no parents around. at 11:30 we go on super x-treme pono run and alice gets arrested. there are tickets to be paid. but we rent "y tu mama tambien" and have a field day. late into the night. it's nice nice nice. lots of talking and girlish giggles.
saturday: we wake up and hang out briefly before laylee gets picked up, and alice takes me and LA over to brock's where we drive to michael's and meet up with katherine. we spend the whole day working on our english project, then go to LA's and watch "y tu mama" again with her sister. it's nice, but i'm really tired by the end and not too happy. brock takes me home past his normal curfew. this is the first time he's had to take me home from someplace far away and then drive all the way back home, like a real ride home. and probably the only time it'll be from someplace that he brought me over 24 hours before. wahaha.
sunday: about the only thing interesting that happened was brock coming over to visit me before AND after yogurt class. i crave a milkshake to heal my aching throat, so we go to sonic for the first time in ages where we huddle in my dad's jacket together. at home, we lay in the bed, research colleges, and decide to go to pratt in order to meet karen o. i love our non-logic. very little homework is done. my throat really hurts.
monday: fuck if i even remember.


THIS POST WANTS SOME DETAILED ADDED, BUT THE MAIN OUTLINE IS THERE.

listening to: look out, loop

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KATHERINE!

i suck blogging.

today is blaghhhhhh. i feel like a walnut on an airplane.
i had a really nice conversation with ted. it feels like we have a lot in common, but i think my imagination is a quickly-growing briar patch.
brandon makes me too happy for words.
i am excited to film tomorrow.

katherine came over after school until 4:30 and we edited, and worked on the cindy movie. which REALLY needs a name. we are taking suggies. we're thinking of adding some new scenes, and maybe narration, to clarify parts of the plot. also, katherine and i have been having some differing opinions about the characters and the plot, i think because of its evolution since we started this project in december. some of the original stuff stuck, and some didn't, but each of us is looking at it differently. so. we are aiming to have our release party on February 21 or thereabouts. now i'm going to go edit some more. wish us luck!

katherine came over after school until 4:30 and we edited, and worked on the cindy movie. which REALLY needs a new name. we are taking suggies. we're thinking of adding some new scenes, and maybe narration, to clarify parts of the plot. also, katherine and i have been having some differing opinions about the characters' motives. i think things evolved from the original plot, and some stuff stuck, and some stuff didn't, but it's all jumbled up in our heads. so. we are aiming to have our release party on valentine's day. or at least that weekend. anyone up for hosting? my house is always open, but i feel like our tv is such a piece of shit that it takes all the pizzazz out of watching movies. if no one volunteers, it's cool to be here. i just figured people would want a change. but i don't want to impose. could i be any more boring?! well i'm going to go edit some more. woooo!

11pm and i have NOT STARTED MY HOMEWORK. i don't know if i've ever waited this long, truly. and i have an AP U.S. test tomorrow, isn't that sick? ohhh it's just my brilliance. it's a nice night, in all honesty. i was at school till 5 working on the pro bono biweekly newsletter with tarah. we are god's editors. look out. i talked to brandon for a long time online. i also talked with sallis and becca, and wrote an article for the pro bono for tarah. then i got offline to work, but lo and behold, brandon called. actually, the phone rang in my bedroom and i couldn't hear it, so i missed it, and had to call him back. at any rate, we talked for an hour and 15 minutes on the nose and it was really nice. i love that piece of puppy lump. he needs to come closer.
as it is, i should go study for history. or do my math. or at least pretend.

HAHAHAHAAAH HOLY SHIT!!!
please go there. your left depends on it. and i'm not joking.

listening to: eugene mirman - born to be wild

hedwig was GREAT. i had a very good time.
but brandon somehow lept into my thoughts, i got tired, and earned a headache.

HAVARDI CHEESE
RITZ CRACKERS
HEAVEN?
I THINK SO.

listening to: joy division - new dawn fades

some catchy shit. look out for the loop. although i'd let it run at least twice, if i were you.
yesterday was birthday day. school was nice except for lunch and history... i'm shit for fuck. if you know what i mean. we had that history discussion, and during lunch i completely freaked out. my anxiety always gets the better of me in the end, and i sat there with my head on the picnic table instead of eating. before class, margaret tried to comfort me... it was really sweet and good of her. "it doesn't matter in the long run, these people don't matter, you're really much more articulate than you think," etc. but i still cried. it was pretty shitty, but thank god we had a shortened period. in the end, i raised my hand and said a little sentence, but i think ms. ervin still hates me brutally. possibly more, because now she can't give me a 0 for the test. AT ANY RATE. we had a pep ralley, which was okay and everything. it was kind of cool coming into the gym, with the vast amount of people that i know at this point in time. "my people" seemed to take up a huge portion of the junior class bleachers. i REALLY wanted to go sit with laylee and becca, because the latter had wanted to tell me about the nice time she had the day before. it involved peacocks, and NOW I'LL NEVER KNOW because there was no way in hell to get to them. i sat next to robin, in front of brock, lauren, katie, and LA. katherine did a lovely job on cymbals -- that bitch knows how to crash. after school, i was incredibly late for the pro bono meeting (sorry, tarah). katherine and i started talking about CELLOS (my favorite thing) and i got really distracted. gahhh. but tarah, you've gotta clue me in on what i missed. very sorry. i don't even know what i'm supposed to really write about. after that ordeal, katherine drove me and LA to edo's only to find it closed. we tried every fucking asian place on summer, and they were all closed -- until FORMOSA. we called brock, who was attempting to buy my birthday present of the tiny tap shoes from park ave thrift, but they were already sold. he met up with us shortly after, and we ordered fried shrip, fried rice, and sesame chicken as an after-school snack. it was nice, considering i hadn't consumed anything all day. after that, LA and katherine had to go buy me a gift or something, so they flew off. brock and i went back to my house, and hung out, and eventually called people to tell them to start coming over.
guest list-- brock, katherine, LA, sallis, alice, laylee, becca, william, eileen, mouse, foot. (plus mi familia)
missing-- technically, a lot of people. among them were margaret, zoe, lauren, allison, jenny, elizabeth, brittany, katie a, brandon, kristin hersh.
some of those
at any rate. mom rented 5 bollywood movies, got a chocolate ice cream cake from baskin-robbins, bought about 300 million sodas, ordered 4 pizzas. my parents are so sweet to go so far as to get a vegetarian pizza for the 3 who were there. dazzling! i will have to bring them the leftovers. plants.... shudder. god, i love the bread group.
presents in chronological order:
--a really sweet, nostalgia-inducing letter from brittany in purple glitter pen. she put on a cow parade sticker (i love cows) and brian froud stickers (i love brian froud) and it had penguins on it (i love penguins.) i really need to send her a letter.
--outing with brock on thursday after school. it isn't supposed to be a birthday present; it was just sweet, and i loved it. donuts, yarn, french. wine, women, song.
--outing with kevin on thursday night. though he had no money, he would not let me spend any. we swang swings, we rode camels, we saw god. (well. buddha, at any rate.)
--half of an ad in some fashion magazine, doodled upon by the glorious becca. it made my day very happy, to see it every time i opened my backpack. oh my how i flaunted that shit.
--devil eyes from ms. ervin that make me feel like an idiot
--picture frame and photo of eiffel tower, each painted upon by alice. arty and awesome. alice is the heppest of the cats.
--$100 amazon.com gift certificate from the fam
--package from katie. it would be nice enough to just get a letter, but the girl sent the new reissues of francesca lia block's ecstasia and primavera, as well a bag she knitted (knat?) for me. aww what a beautiful girl, stuck in arkansas with only wal-mart and no alanna. i feel so horrible for never writing.
--poem from brandon. sweet jesus what a boy is that one. if i ever find him, i'll keep him.
--paragraphs from morgan. a beautiful duck of a sister.
--IOU card for adorable huggable illnesses and an entire red velvet cake with cream cheese icing, made entirely by dear sir sallis
--3 inflatable microphones, 2 inflatable guitars, and card from LA. i feel like a total rock star now, and i can start a band no problem. who's with me?!
--korean and chinese candy bought at the asian market from katherine. although i wish she had gotten me the soft cup INSTEAD. ho ho ho. in truth, i am enjoying 2 watermelon bubble gums as we speak. and the strawberry cookies were quite nice. the yanyan was my favorite, i think.
--first 4 episodes of serial experiments lain on dvd from dad
--first 16 episodes of aqua teen hunger force on dvd from morgan
--"24 hour party people" on dvd from mom
--HOTT thrift sweater from eileen. very red and fuzzy. not unlike eileen's beautiful head.
--lots of love from laylee. she spent the night even though she wasn't supposed to. oh sweet jeebus.
--the presence of all my lovers
--no cds. i just realized that. normally that's all i get. ho ho ho.
it was a nice birthday. if nothing else, it sure fucking beats last year's out of the ballpark. i hope everyone enjoyed themselves, as i did. dancing to bollywood, cuddling like a mad dog god dam, and you know. many many thank you's to everyone who came. i was kind of sad that mom didn't sing the special birthday song. aww. it's cool. also brandon didn't call me like i expected, because the number wasn't working? i guess i typed it wrong or something, after his cell phone ate it the first time.
everybody left at just about the exact same time last night, at around 10:30. laylee was very mad, and it was adorable. we lay in my bed and listened to the new k-48 which has several amazingly happy songs. she didn't want me to be alone and get sad, so she spent the night, along with eileen and foot. foot fell asleep relatively early, in morgan's bed. eileen and morgan trekked to my room, where we talked briefly before, at about 1am i guess, the four of us fell asleep rather haphazardly spread across the bed. laylee and i were on one pillow, which i stole during the night. i hit my head on the cold cold cold windowsill a lot. the covers were sparse. i woke up with eileen's nose between my toes. laylee was completely void of blanket, and had resorted to a towel she found between the matress and the bed frame. it was all nice. laylee and i somehow woke together at 9am. i pried my foot out of eileen's face, and we crept out of bed. mom was upset that we were awake because she hadn't been to la baguette yet, and wanted to have pastries for us when we woke up. so she went right then, and came back with cinnamon rolls, chocolate croissants, and pecan bun thingies. we feasted while watching "aqua teen hunger force" which MIRACLE OF MIRACLES, my mother enjoyed!! she never likes cartoons i like. it was kind of nice. laylee's grandmother had to pick her up to go shopping at 11:30, so we said our goodbyes. goodbye, my love. oh oh. my mom looked at some of the fountain day pictures, and kept saying how happy/pretty becca is. it was very sweet. she liked our happy kissy pictures. why does no one recognize brock in those photos? what a sexy beast.
after laylee left, mom took me to the lost in paradise store for their 50-75% off sale. it was nice. i tried on LOTS AND LOTS of happy, pretty things. i hate being short and weird-shaped. it's hard to find nice things. but i did get two skirts for school -- one is really cool and the other is really soft. i got a really simplistic shirt that mom liked, and a velvet coat/jacket thingie. it's all very black and white, which is kind of depressing. oh well. it's not my fault the colorful things were badly sized or crappy looking. i also got some lobster earrings, which i find hilarious. whoaihwhahahehaoihaahaeha. okay. we spent way too much money, but it's nice to know that the clothes we bought were expensive because they WEREN'T made by poor children in sweat shops.
i came home and ate. eileen and foot were still here, watching "moulin rouge." i called brock, and we talked for a few minutes. eileen and foot left. morgan went to see "girl with the pearl earring" with mariana. i watched my bjork videos dvd that phyllis gave me for christmas, that sweet woman. katherine came over, and we editted. i felt like we got a lot a lot a lot done, but it wasn't that much, really. oh well. it was nice. brock came over, and then katherine had to leave. we watched "24 hour party people" with my family. i really like that movie. especially the "first act" featuring joy division and a great man playing ian curtis. after that, we sort of talked for a few minutes before morgan put on the "lain" dvd. it was 10:30 and brock had to leave. i hate curfews. it's last year all over again for me. gahhh the inability to drive. i really need a permit.
i was in a really grouchy mood a lot today, and unnecessarily unnice to the family and everything, i think. i have been hyper-emotion for a few days. it's shitty. i'm really sorry to anyone who has been in its path.

listening to: ice cream - letter to memphis (pixies cover)

i just got home -- kevin abducted me from 9 to 11! what a good kid is that one. oh my my.

today was pretty good. school was not that bad. i finished reading "the jungle" for history, but she didn't specify if there is a discussion or some other kind of test tomorrow. this terrifies me. i hate discussion more than... peas. or something else horrible. the math test went better than i expected. i mean, i didn't panic, which is the really good part. there was nothing that i blanked out on, but i'm sure i lost just as many points as speculated on careless mistakes. ah well. a lot of people are gone to yale for model UN. last year at this time, everybody i loved was gone away for that, and i'm very glad it's not the case this year as well. yayyy. thank you for not joining that stupid thing. it was nice having a sort of empty school. plus it's homecoming week, so lots of people were dressed up for senior citizen day. it's much more fun to watch than to dress up, i think. sallis and katherine looked very nice, though.
i did the wrong latin homework for last night, so i have none today! and in fact, i have literally no homework (minus projects). OH FUCK THE MATH PROJECT. DUE TOMORROW. i'm an idiot. well i'll do that in a minute.
THE POINT IS that since there was nothing to do cough cough, brock and i decided to go hang around after school. we went to gibson's and had some donuts, and then that stupid little strip next to it, where we visited the all-amazing YARNIVERSE. it's enough to make your head fall off. into a vat of boiling lava yarns. then we drove around for a minute, and called alice to see if she wanted to see a movie. she was not free, so brock and i went by our lonesome to "triplets of belleville." he, of course, got incredibly into the movie, and was reduced to a whimpering, quivering mass in my little lana arms. it was kind of sweet. i love that boy, and he loved that movie. it was a nice night.
i feel bad that i abandoned my mother. i completely forgot that today was supposed to be cake-buying, bollywood-renting, birthday-preparing extravaganza day. also, tarah and i had talked about seeing each other, but she didn't call, which i thought she was going to... if she had, i would've invited her to hte movie too, but i figured she was busy. ah well. sorry, tarah love.
FOR ALL PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME ENOUGH........ call one of my phones tomorrow, and see where i am. come hang out. maybe we can come find you. i don't know what's happening, but try to stop by. there will be cake and love.

listening to: ani difranco - hell yeah

GAHHHHH I HATE LIFE.
brock, alice, and i talked about going to see "triplets of belleville" tonight. i wonder what happened. maybe they went without me? at any rate, this night is shitty. laylee tried to call and couldn't get through. that would've fixed thing. poo.

listening to: death cab for cutie - the new year