Monday, September 24, 2007
everything that's breathing is also busying dying
what can i say? school's been back in session for a few weeks now... it's actually going okay. this is largely due to the fact that i changed my major back to english lit on the second day of classes. ha! take that, science, i could not stomach thee. my schedule looks like this:
MWF 10:30-11:20 Honors Biblical Literature
MWF 11:30-12:20 Modern Short Fiction
MWF 1:30-??? working at the library
W 8:30-10:10am Video Writing and Directing
TR 2-3:15 World Theatre II
TR 3:30-4:45 Intro to Creative Writing
and i generally work on tuesday and thursday morning as well. i got a raise! $7/hr baybee oh yeahhhhh. freaking rolling in it!!
and where does the money go, you ask?
well, this past week most of it went to drugs. i have been sick with bronchitis and it is awful. rite aid has my paycheck. other than that.. we buy a few groceries (the ones we don't glean in other ways), some toilet paper, and a good bit of beer. at least two people are drunk in the house every day. are we wasting away? perhaps. are we loving it? sometimes. are we considering another path? not really. so far everything is going as well as it could, i suppose.
realize i say this about a home that is haunted, filled with drama, and loaded with tension i could eat with a whole loaf of bread. it is ridiculous. on saturday, py confronted mal in the only way he knows how:
"so when are you moving out?"
yikes. he doesnt know her like the rest of us... yes, she has made a lot of promises she hasnt kept. she says this time is different. and yes, she's said that a thousand times before. but now she's got AA meetings every night and drug testing once a week starting in october. i just hate that we didnt have a real house meeting, and come to a decision TOGETHER rather than just sort of poking around and being rude and giving the poor girl a week to move out.... but the drugs, the monetary choices, the disappearances of stuff within our own home.. these things never stopped, even when we saw her improving. so i dont know, this is what it's come to. i can't say i'm thrilled but honestly i dont know what to say at all.
i dont even want to get into the sex drama. all i can say is that it's no fun to be sitting there bored when you are pretty positive that whoever is having sex in the room next door. especially when you have been looking forward to seeing this person for months and then they just come over to fuck your roommate, apparently. am i wrong here, or does that suck a little? either way, i recognize that this is my jealous, possessive side coming out... and oh, how it comes out. it chooses the worst ways, at the worst times, sneaking up on me when i'm drunk and too angry to put my courtesy filter on. well, fucking woops. i dont regret a whole lot of things.... i guess it sort of sucks that i stood in the middle hall room in the middle of our house and yelled about how i hate plastic, jesus, electricity, the whole modern world, the whole house and everyone in it. but i was depressed and it was all true. what can i say? it's weird to apologize for things that are still true, even if the timing and the delivery were inappropriate. not that i REALLY hate everyone in the whole house... although i definitely felt like it at the time. and that was what was important. i dont like containing anger. but like i said, i dont want to get into the rest of the house drama. there's so much and it probably shouldnt all go on the internet anyway. i'll try to keep you vaguely updated anyhow....
so leroy is taking mallory's room. he and his boondock will be staying with us until at least january, which will be fun because maybe everyone will stop accusing ME of being the craziest person in the house, and also just because i love leroy. i am looking forward to lots of free meals, free drinks, and goofy adventurings. however, leaving with mallory are her weezy dog and lucie cat and the rest of the female energy of the house. i will be a lone she-wolf. loucifur will luckily provide me with some fellow cat spirits, but even then, he's a little bastard. as was determined the other day... if lou were 6 feet tall, he would rule the whole freaking world. maybe i'm wrong but i dont think i could say that about most cats. perhaps because lou would be a tyrant and a master of surprise attacks from overhead. the point is: i'm thinking again about getting a kitten. i know i know i can't help it. but is it a good idea? i can't tell. i want a lady kitty friend, at any rate. and i haven't found any elsewhere yet.
however, i have made a few new friends so far this year. wonders! new friends make me happier than almost anything. i dont want to speak too soon so i'll give some better details later.
today has been rainy. i left home right after brandon got back from BR, a city i have been trying to avoid at all possible costs (but i end up going for the good shows). drove to school as i've been doing.. it's sort of nice although i end up bumping a lot of parked cars. shhhh! py constantly teases me about my driving skills, which i suppose are somewhat stuck in the mud, rather than improving... but speaking of BR, i drove from there to NOLA for the first time last weekend! and i didnt fuck up at all (although py would tell you differently, dont listen to him because he was wasted and doesnt remember anything) and we made it down in one safe piece. i was a kickass designated driver for my little drunken men.
point: it's not raining anymore. i was slightly late for bible class, despite my timely driving. i always goof around in the bathroom and forget that class is starting. woops! i thought i was going to really hate that class, but it's turned out to be freaking awesome. my professor basically tells us that everything we learned in sunday school is a load of bull and we talk about the real origins and meanings of old testament stories. he's hilarious and i especially love it when he talks about how stupid fundamentalists are. it is awesome. then i went to modern short fiction where i get to sit next to my friend david who makes me giggle all day. today we were discussing colette's "gigi" and about the sexuality of foods like asparagus and lobster. it was pointless but i took more notes in class today than i have all semester. usually i just write "FREUD" because that is all that our teacher talks about and it sucks so usually i read or write something else. being in a writing class has been really fun, just to get into the habit of writing again. plus my professor is awesome. so yeah, basically i've got a good bunch of classes this semester... i might go so far as to say this has been the best semester i've had yet! but perhaps i shouldn't speak so soon... midterms are coming up, after all. yipe.
but i don't care because i'm going to memphis this weekend!! look out, i'm coming home and i'm bringing my nutty friends with me! we are coming up on friday to see Mr. Airplane Man at gonerfest and i'm so freaking excited. we have seen a lot of great shows recently, it has been really awesome. last weekend we saw Witch Hunt at a house show in BR. brandon got their record, and i got a patch and a book about new orleans. even though i damaged my right ankle somewhat early in the evening, i still managed to dance on one foot and have a kickass time. and that ankle is all better now, although apparently this weekend i destroyed my left big toe and surrounding area.... doing god knows what. i just woke up with it all mangled. i'm hoping that it will just figure itself out and heal somewhat like the rest of my feet wounds always do. i have been realizing how freaking weird my feet look because of all the times i've fucked them up and just sort of let them figure out how to let me walk on them again. oh well.
i keep getting off track. the real point to all this is that py and i have been volunteering for the past couple weekends at the green project, where they've started doing a matinee show every saturday. this past weekend, we cooked the 'free vegan food' which they advertise for every show, and we got lots of compliments. py's soupy shitasaurus was a smashing success, of course. that stuff is delicious! vegan slop is really growing on me. mmmmmmm... py got free goodies from the band because his food was so good! lucky bastard. we danced our asses off and had a great time, despite the lackluster crowd.... hilary, py, and i made up for it with our energy and enthusiasm. the bands were all amazing! i havent been to such an all around good show in a really long time. first, an acoustic band called the Let Down played while we sat at their feet. the two ladies had beautiful voices and played guitar, although one also sometimes played a musical saw. a boy with funny hair also played guitar. their songs were about being alcoholic and in love and they were wonderful. then, Fake Problems went on a few minutes later. leroy and i had just finished pre-gaming outside and as we were walking in during the second song, i said to him "i hope EVERYBODY's DANCING!" and of course no one was. so py and i took that shit up a notch. or four. they sang country folk punk rock songs about capitalism. it was also awesome, and they gave py a free 7inch. then Parsley Flakes played. they wore silly clothes and sang songs about "zapatistas and white people," among other things. we danced like fools! then their amp started smoking 2 songs before the end of the set. it was intense.. but also hilarious and ridiculous. it was an amazing show and an amazing weekend... except for all the drama, of course, but i suppose that sometimes it can't be helped, and so it must be ignored. i'm getting better at this.
i forget if there were other things i meant to say, but if there were, i should save them for another day. this has gotten rather long, and i congratulate you if you made it this far. perhaps i will see you again soon.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
updates
--i am single for the first time since 2004. so far, i feel surprisingly good.
--on thursday, i am moving into my first apartment, on jackson avenue in new orleans. i will be living with brandon, mallory, and py. (obviously, this is an arrangement of lunacy.... i suppose it's a long story, not meant for tonight.)
--i am a liar, a coward, and a thief. and many other things.
--i need more confidence.
--i start school in slightly less than a week and i'm scared as hell.
--as excited as i am about living in new orleans, i'm sort of terrified to go back. the place is a black hole.
--i work minimum wage. however, my parents still pay for stuff like school, insurance, etc. they are awesome.
--i have not paid for a haircut since december 2005, and it is amazing. some weeks i feel like getting it cut every day, and i talk somebody into doing it! the stuff's also sort of run together with three or four different colors, i'd say.
--i love cats and cat folk... but i'm pretty friendly to dogs as well.
--in general, i hate most and love few. wow, though, those ones are so great. it is astounding.
-katherine and i have spent the summer working on a film, which is finally coming into true fruition. so many amazing people have donated their time and talents, we are so lucky to know them all.
--trying to be two places at once is impossible, but missing one causes so much strife and disrupts all the balance. does this make any sense? katherine gets it.
--i want to make music in a shanty chant.
--tomorrow i have an appointment with a man who is going to up the dosage of my antidepressants. how strange to ask for something that i don't even want.
--"happiness is the most insidious prison of all." i think i believe that statement. (a quote from v for vendetta)
--cancer is terrifying. sickness is everywhere.
--death still seems like the best option most times.
--blogging is extremely hard these days. sometimes i start posts and never finish them... but i feel like communicating with the vast expanses. despite all the past run-ins i've had with its hidden dangers.... even the most recent one. but! i feel like dealing big right now. take it!
--this is the beginning of a new time.
listening to: garbage - wicked ways
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
look up: a clear blue sky
" Stay in bed.
Get in touch with me when you are feeling better."
hoorah hoorah! now i just have to write a paper and maybe drag myself in to work (i am so poor) and the day will be done.
what a life what a life i live. it's getting pretty old. i'm so sick of school. and sick. and miserable. arghhhh. wish me your best.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
happy list returns!!!
-drunk haircuts with rachel
-atcha bakery
-mud
-pesto
-the art party
-leroy is making me a spinach sandwich
-spanwiches
-spinietzche
-awesome readings for sociology class
-trading clothes
-bare feet
-sharing
-cat hat from brittany
-looking/feeling like a cartoon
-wine from the bottle
-so much music i can't say
listening to: rakiim some kind of rap "mricophone fiend"
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
hmm
so yeah, i'm not too happy about the general state of things right now. every night i go to bed hoping that i won't wake up, and by the time i wake up, i've forgotten that and just do the whole deal all over again. it's really lame. i kind of hate that hope always comes back. it would be easier if it just went away and stayed there.
i am at work. there's not much work to be done here in the library right now... i have lots of things i should be doing for school, but none of my important reading is with me. i should probably go, either way.
it's weird to be blogging. maybe i'll keep it up a little.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
well maybe not right at this exact second. i have two papers due before the end of the week, which means i'll be writing at least 15 pages and doing loads of research. wish me luck.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Political Compass assignment
I think I can safely say that I know myself. I know about my beliefs and opinions, so I thought the Political Compass exercise would be unsurprising, although I was still interested to take the test and see the results. It’s interesting to be forced to take a stand on an issue, since “no opinion” or “not sure” is not an option; there is no safety net in between “agree” and “disagree.” Certain questions held me for much longer than others as I struggled to define in one bubble answer how I feel about some rather complex subjects. For example, should pornography, depicting consenting adults, be legal for the adult population? While I truly despise pornography, its cheapening of sex, and its enforcement of stereotypes, I still think it should be legal. Why? The sex industry is an industry just the same, with workers and clients, a supply and demand. And who knows, perhaps someone will make a brilliant porn film soon enough. In fact, I’m counting on it.
So, I came to the end of the survey, mostly feeling that my answers were accurate, and was quite surprised to see myself placed where I was on the graph. Nearly falling off! I had guessed that I’d be in this quadrant, but not so far toward the left and certainly not so close to the libertarian/anarchism line at the bottom of the graph. Looking back over my printed survey answers, I wondered if perhaps I ended up at coordinates (-8.5, -7.64) because I had used the “strongly” agrees and disagrees so many times. I filled out the survey again, without using any of the adjective answers, and I moved a little farther right and just above the middle between the libertarian and social medians. Perhaps this was a more fitting place for my small red circle of ideologies. However, while I was taking the survey a second time, the whole time I was thinking, “But I strongly disagree, really!” I’m glad to be reminded how passionately I feel about many of these issues, although before now I’ve never really thought that strong feelings equaled the degree to which someone is liberal or conservative.
This survey was particularly interesting because although it is a questionnaire to help visualize a person’s political beliefs, it also asks about the survey-taker’s opinion on astrology, luck, and the justification of abstract art. One proposition states “The enemy of my enemy is my friend,” which is not an overtly political statement and does not concern any one issue, but at the same time, it says a lot about the way a person thinks, which in turn influences his or her politõical ideologies. While certainly not a perfect survey, the Political Compass was still a good sampling of important issues and beliefs to help determine the political whereabouts of a person.
I got my Republican, Bush-voting boyfriend to take this test and he turned out to be in the left economically as well as liberal socially, which was probably more of a surprise for him than it was for me. He wasn’t quite sure that this is where he really fits, but he said, “I guess if you have strong opinions, you’ve gotta be something.” I’m not really sure exactly what that something is, for him as well as myself. I can see where the coordinates put me, but whether I can be defined as a Democrat or an Anarchist, I can’t say. As convenient as labels can sometimes be, I plan to keep trying life without such a specific one for now. I want to know myself even better and try to always act in accordance with my beliefs.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Sunday, April 30, 2006
notes on the way home from houston
peach speach
to grow + grow
soft + pitted
made of fruit substance
built for purpose
composed of matter
the light of oil
destructing beautifully
goodbye to clean sky
light in dark
the lamps that spark
against clean night
replace the stars
we've all forgotten
but grass grows
in abandoned parking lots
and on the
crumbling rooves of ancient buildings
cellos sound with the
speed of the sun
rumbling over, all eyes
pricked to function
repeat, circle
<- -="" come="" together="">
bring meaning
matter
host of thoughts
brain ball
repeat
circle
there stays a springing
grass grows again
trees crack into sidewalk
the unstoppable
and i want to live in a bright bungalow
with a moss-covered roof
and open windows
if i can just stop pulling out my hair
if i can get over all these hurdles
circumstance willing, i can get there
trash piling up around our towns
are we drowning yet?
supply + demand
waste + discard
REPLACE
REPEAT
CIRCLE
plastic covered and metal sheathed
land flattened and set in concrete
wood wasted
the mediums of structure
the bonds of matter
are all things that matter
REPEAT
CIRCLE
this is a call to arms
with able hands
and heads full of bodies
every person is
a whole person
in perspective
things look smaller
when farther away
and the blood of others
flows free and separate
distant from our own
through silent strings
run from each spider
soul->
Saturday, December 31, 2005
I love my life, I love my friends, and I love my body. I'm happy with who I am, what I've done, and where I've been, but not satisfied, which also makes me happy. I love that there is always room for change and evolution. I can't wait to be more.
New Year Goals
-Use the computer less, especially because I usually just sit there mindlessly refreshing the same pages.
-Write more (this will hurt)
-Be active - the community needs me!
-Recognize responsibilities. Gauge importance. Act!
-Eat better. I have a bad diet, but the worst part is that I'm supporting evil companies doing it.
-Research. Find out where the problems are.
-Read the news every day. Listen to more NPR.
-Think!
-Don't get wrapped up in substances. Find substance.
-Share music and be musical.
-Make friends. Try.
-Speak in class. Speak up.
-Improve my posture.
-Learn to drive, and get my license. I've had this same goal for the past 3 years. God damn.
Friday, December 23, 2005
TRASH TRASH TRASH
be quiet!
people be quiet!
is this a painting?
we don't understand it
a mess of color!
let's burn and ban it!
shh! ass tart art! shh! ass tart art!
got no meaning! got no heart!
shh! ass tart art! shh! ass tart art!
burn it down! tear it apart!
be quiet! people, be quiet!
more cohesion!
you oughta try it!
shh! etc . . .
2. Trash Trash Trash
trash trash trash
you'll never take us out
trash trash trash
we'll never shut our mouths
we got the beats
make the streets stink
we got the speak
make your brains think
parents claim we're dangerous
townie cops are scared of us
but the revolution's in your bedroom
smoking pot, watching cartoons
trash trash trash
you'll never take us out
trash trash trash
3. Tha Hat Rash
tha hat rash has taken over
people, look up! your heads are covered!
everyone you know is a victim!
we're all infected with cranium fashion!
tha hat rash has taken over
people look up! your heads are covered
tha hat rash or tha brain fever?
never leave the house unless you're covered!
wear a special cap while you're in the shower
fall asleep in your fedora
we're all infected with cranium fashion
everyone you know is a victim!
tha hat rash has taken over!
people, look up! you're heads are covered.
4. Trasht Haarrt
sick and tired of the girl and boy thing
never stick around to hear the birds sing
muscle's broken! romance is a beesting.
trasht hart! trasht hart!
i'd trade a god a finger for a second start!
i got a trasht hart! trasht hart!
drop some arteries in a shopping cart!
love no object that's alive and breathing
lie all day and they all believe me
sick and tired of the girl and boy thing
never stick around to hear the birds sing
muscle's broken! romance is a besting
trasht hart! trasht hart!
i'd trade a god a finger for a second start!
i got a trasht hart! trasht hart!
drop some arteries in a shopping cart!
5. Shtar Hast Arsht
shtar!
sthar hast!
shtar hast arsht!
wienerschnizel! wienershnizel! ya! ya! ya! ya!
we love the ways of german people!
berlin, lager, and wienershnizel!
but we don't like walls and we don't kill people!
shtar!
shtar hast!
shtar hast arsht!
wienershnizel! wienershnizel! ya! ya! ya! ya!
liederhosen! knickerbockers!
we hate nazis, but we drink lager!
6. Stratarats
stratarats came from outerspace
shot up town, put us in our place
time to crawl in cracks and walls
get by on trash and alcohol
our lives were changed by stratarats
now there's no need for beaurocrats
we just eat and fuck and run from cats
time to crawl in cracks and walls
get by on trash on alcohol
don't mind being dumb and small
if we don't need jobs at the mall
stratarats came from outerspace
shot up town, put us in our place
now there's no need for beaurocrats
we just eat and fuck and run from cats
and we owe it all to stratarats
7. Art Hrs
stay up late making art for hrs!
coffee and speed! forget to shower!
hallucinate on your own brain power!
surrealist still life charcoal mess
we're too tired for making sense
proffesors think that we regressed
but we think too much for making sense
who needs acid? make art for hrs!
coffee and speed! forget to shower!
hallucinate on your own brain power
restriction is a fiction they will try to sell you
don't buy it! boycott it!
8. SARS Shaht
don't forget to get your sars shaht
chinese disease gonna make your lungs stop
severe acute respiratory syndrome
gonna eat your babies
gonna make your wife moan
don't for get your chinese sars shaht
chinese disease gonna make your lungs stop
9. Rasta Rats
10. Has Tha Ass
11. R Rats Trash Hats?!
12. Hash Stash
13. Tha Stars R Ars
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
ALANNA’S TOP 10 OF 2005
2) Why? - Elephant Eyelash
3) M.I.A. - Arular
4) Sleater-Kinney - The Woods
5) Animal Collective - Feels
6) Andrew Bird and the Mysterious Production of Eggs
7) Of Montreal - The Sunlandic Twins
8) Ani DiFranco - Knuckle Down
9) Sons and Daughters - The Repulsion Box
10) 13 & God
11) The White Stripes - Get Behind Me, Satan
12) Fiona Apple - Extraordinary Machine (Jon Brion version)
13) Devendra Banhart - Cripple Crow
14) The Mountain Goats - The Sunset Tree
15) Imogen Heap - Speak For Yourself
16) Bright Eyes - I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning
17) Scandaliz Vandalistz - A Real Band
18) The Kills - No Wow
19) Out Hud - Let Us Never Speak Of It Again
20) Juliana Hatfield - Made in China
EPs
1) 50 Foot Wave - Free Music
2) Why? - Sanddollars
3) Aesop Rock - Fast Cars, Danger, Fire, and Knives
4) Brit Lit Bandits - You Might Die Tonight
5) oh man i forgot.
BRANDON'S TOP 10
1.Why- Elephant Eyelash
2. 50FootWave-Golden Ocean
3. Sleater-Kinney- The Woods
4. Devandra Banhart- Cripple Crow
5. Of Montreal- The Sunlandic Twins
6. Deerhoof- The Runners Four
7. Andrew Bird and the Mysterious Production of Eggs
8. Animal Collective- Feels
9. M.I.A.-Arular
10. Dangerdoom
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
I tiptoe around acorns, evading tiny murders. My brain sticks in the rut of patterns, every day's repetitions leaving mile-wide scars. Pull hair, pinch skin, bite lips. Broken.
At any close inspection, you can see my breaking points. Why am I writing this, I can't even hold a pen right.
All I can do is imagine the active part of myself, standing up to bullies and the ignorant masses. I sit in the library and imagine telling the talking assholes to shut the fuck up, this is a library. I grit my teeth and imagine doing it, seething and stewing in my own anger.
Monday, November 28, 2005
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Monday, October 03, 2005
Monday, September 26, 2005
Maybe I'll see him on the next train, I'm dying to skip this town. I know what and where happiness hides. I will make it one day. Baby, please wait. I am coming.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Could it be this bad treaty?
We sued but still we got no peace
We take what we get on our knees
I stand you up with my hands on your hips
But still you sway, as curved as roses there
My mission was heavier than it was right
Like trees, we crash and tear
Our song inherent in the bad wind
Whistling through the tipsy limbs
Nothing stays, we’re trapped again
We learn only how to sin
I rattle the bones hung round my neck
Pull out my hair and call the dead
My marriage to this giant bends without a break
There’s sickness stuck in what I’m fed
I want back everything I lost
I take back everything I said
I have not changed, I’m still the same
I still hide in a shoebox under my bed
But please can’t I begin again?
I promise to do it right
I want to feel the flow of peace
To find a home tonight
Show me again the old red road
There’s nothing for me here
I learned to accept that what is just is
I’ve swallowed lies and beer
It’s getting colder with each flame
Can you come back inside?
I want to feel that warmth again
It’s better when I cry
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Monday, June 06, 2005
REFUGE protest
and watch us on the news tonight!!!!
Monday, May 30, 2005
celebration
p.s. earlier this year, meg and i wanted to have this same party and serve food that's eaten in wes anderson movies. i was sitting here thinking and i have fucking clue what gets eaten in wes anderson movies. any clues?
Monday, May 09, 2005
it's time to love your monkey
01) dave dean - ???
02) eagles of death metal - bad dream mama
03) ???
04) ian dury and the blockheads - you're more than fair
05) bob marley - nice time
06) the beatles - i will
07) kimya dawson - you love me
08) liliput - you did it
09) of montreal - so begins our alabee
10) clinic - come into our room
11) the flaming lips - take meta mars
12) iggy pop - the passenger
13) sleater-kinney - i wanna be yr joey ramone
14) throwing muses - him dancing
15) richard hell and the voidoids - i'm your man
16) al green - let's stay together
17) t. rex - mambo sun
18) the moldy peaches - jorge regula
19) matty popchart - ???
20) devendra banhart - the electric heart
Thursday, May 05, 2005
show on friday may 6!
visit our myspace pages to hear what we sound like:
Scandaliz Vandalistz
Lightajo
Doors open at 8
Music at 8:30
Support Memphis music!!
Saturday, April 23, 2005
you might even see a murder
email me your list. yes.
listening to: marcy playground - the vampires of new york
Thursday, April 21, 2005
i ain't had much to live for...
- music videos
- clickity clank and rooftop workers
- walk to Sonic
- toaster sandwich! (makes any day worth living)
- coin change at Kroger
- sidewalk chalk attack!
- good deed at the gas station (i turned in a purse i found in the bathroom)
- talked to a very interesting schizophrenic woman
- coke icee all the way
- drive to and escape from Cordova
- Shelby Farms swings (spider, baby.)
- see. saw. panties.
- return to home base for the missing pieces (bass guitar)
- drive through Overton to ogle at stoners
- grassy Starbucks knoll
- howard vance drop-off
- quick gas station stop for sodas and candy
- am i a celebrity or something?
- sneak into the cemetary (very inconspicuous)
- art critique of jesus's life and bling cave
- crystal shrine grotto debasement
- discussion of the credibility and vitality of the tree bench
- jesus's life is even better a second time
- wander through the mausoleum (there was a body out)
- hide and seek
- play around on the top of mausoleum (it is a hill)
- modeling sessions
- rooftop scene scouting
- cordova attack!
- Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and too much popcorn
- nachoooooos
- i love lauren and john
WHY IS THIS WEEK SO LONG?
listening to: violent femmes - gimme the car
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
days gone by
Originally uploaded by PickMeRalph.
i honestly can't believe this was only TWO AND A HALF weeks ago. it feels like forever.
Sunday, April 17, 2005
over the brainless chattering null set
saturday involved rehearsal, dinner with some of my favorite people at memphis pizza cafe, and random time spent in houses. 3 and a half hours of music video watching. 16 D batteries. and a BIG FUCKIN ROACH. WITH BIG FUCKIN WINGS. at that point, you know you must go to bed.
today was (unconsciously) feminist activism day. who fucking knew? it was only spring, we were only aiming to have a good time. honking horns weren't the aim of short strappy dresses... although, admittedly, the strange eye make up did get its fair share of stares from the people of otherlands, java cabana, young avenue deli, wild oats, home depot, our own voice theatre troupe, and chuck munter. when kimberly said, "is this supposed to be some sort of feminist statement?" we took a moment to look down at our rather exposing outfits. woopsy daisy!! i'm innocent, i swear.
listening to: 50 foot wave - pneuma
Saturday, April 16, 2005
Friday, April 15, 2005
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Sunday, April 10, 2005
it brought peace to my mind in the summertime
Scandaliz Vandalistz and Rebecca at WEVL
Originally uploaded by elevatorlady.
after that, we wandered around South Main and ate at a sports bar called The Green Beetle. ahhaha.
we got to Jay Etkin Gallery around 6:15 to set up and watch people arrive. we made silly artwork, listened to the drum circle, and greeted guests. we played at 8:30 and our set lasted longer than we expected! impressive. the crowd was really receptive and awesome. (by the way, if anyone has comments about the set or pictures to share, please email them to scandalizvandalistz@gmail.com.) the whole fundraiser was awesome and we raised over $1,000. i'm really proud of SV for being so great and OOV for getting so many people downtown. thanks so much, everyone who came. and special thanks to those of you who bought the silly art in the auction... you're awesome. the other two bands who played were equally great. Lightajo, zak's new band, asked us to play another show with them sometime, and Cale LeFevre played some really beautiful songs. again... thanks thanks thanks. you're all great
listening to: jane's addiction - summertime rolls
Saturday, April 09, 2005
like a dog whistle
without cancelling all your plans for the day, you need to find a way to 1) find a radio at 4:30 and 2) find yourself downtown at 8:30.
Scandaliz Vandalistz will be playing LIVE on WEVL 89.9 today some time around 4:30, on the Pajama Party show, so please tune in to hear a couple songs and a little interview. After that, you've got a few hours (doors open at 7) to get ready, scrounge up some dollars, and somehow get downtown where you will find a parking space and head for 409 South Main St. There, you will pay the malleable admission fee (aim for $10) and enter the wonderful world of free food, improv games, art activities, and live music provided by Lightajo, Cale LeFevre, and your favorite lovably crappy band, SV. You will have a good time. You will be glad you came. You will be supporting Memphis artists and you will feel good about yourself. Just think: because of your attendance at one show, Our Own Voice Theatre Troupe will be closer to their goal of being able to attend a Mindfreedom conference in Washington, D.C. that is going to cost lots and lots of money for the travel expenses of a whole group of people. They're not aiming to make a profit, and they deserve to be given the contents of your pockets.
listening to: scandaliz vandalistz - long dog
(yes, it's a new song. now don't you want to hear it? better turn out tonight, bitches!)
Monday, April 04, 2005
no snow, no rain -- how do you expect to keep this place clean?
and also a great time for Do You Know Where Your Children Are? Productions, if i do say so myself. we're still working on coming up with a big ole dvd and are hoping to have the hamlet premiere this weekend or next weekend... whatever ends up happening when we talk to mr. foxy. katherine and i had been planning to do a little more editing before we opened the gates of hamlet to the world, but what with our stunning ratings with the screen audience (plus the fact that brandon has watched the thing three times within the past 24 hours) i think it's safe to go ahead with this version. maybe fix up the bloopers and whatnot. but you get the idea.
anyway i'm very proud of my little hatchlings. and oh, how i hate physics homework. especially when it's late and i already took the test on the material today. apowighepoawhgopawhe
listening to: 50 foot wave - golden ocean
the streets are strangely quiet
listening to: of montreal - oslo in the summertime
Friday, April 01, 2005
so so serious
01) tracy + the plastics - big stereo
02) the postal service - such great heights
03) the beatles - don't pass me by
04) the white stripes - i'm finding it harder to be a gentleman
05) modest mouse - alone down there
06) throwing muses - call me
07) beck - painted eyelids
08) jonathan richman - a higher power
09) björk - generous palmstroke
10) pixies - hey
11) interpol - NARC
12) jay-z - allure
13) bob marley - guava jelly
14) jane's addiction - summertime rolls
15) jimi hendrix - come on
16) iggy pop - no fun
17) modest mouse - trailer trash
18) the donner party - we cannot be happy
Monday, March 28, 2005
alone, i emplore ya
not really. but it's a little refreshing to get a rejection letter. mostly because it's from somewhere i didn't really have the money for (or the energy for) in the first place. it just helps me out. i actually remember worrying, months ago, what would happen if i got in there. how could i refuse the honor? well thank god there's no honor. but more importantly, i'm really sad that katherine didn't get accepted to the conservatory. although she did get into the regular college, the music part is the harder part. she probably doesn't want me announcing it on my blog, but nobody reads this anyway. and sometimes it's sort of easier to say it in these kinds of ways rather than having to say it yourself. i hope she still goes to oberlin, because it is perfect for her.
in other news, i'm trying to write some lyrics for a new scandaliz vandalistz song. well technically i'm trying to write some lyrics to match an old tune katherine wrote, but i don't know if it's going to work out. i chose a weird, silly day to do it so i'm getting a weird, silly song. not that SV isn't that, but it's not really going in the direction i hoped.
BUT! i made my first gig booking as the scandaliz vandalistz manager. not a really big deal, but i did it up. everybody better come see us at the our own voice fundraiser on april 9! more details later.
everyone be sure to come to the pro bono battle of the bands meeting tomorrow. if not enough people show up, we can't get organized, and if we can't get organized, then we aren't going to get to have one this year... and you know you wanna see SV do it up on stage in our final year. come on, pro boners!
listening to: pj harvey - i think i'm a mother
Sunday, March 27, 2005
our slate is clean, say what you mean
friday, dad picked us up and dropped me off at LA's house where we separated into two cars and scuttled our way to helena, arkansas. good times were had by all. i hope.
that night was the hamlet preview. people laughed, which is a good thing. we read up on our horoscopes. aquarius kicks the shit out of your sign.
saturday was mostly made for dawdling. alice and LA randomly showed up, and once brock arrived, we watched "toys." LA went to get laylee, and after the movie, we ate a expensively scrumptious meal at india palace. laylee, you are so right about that rice. then we rented "a midsummer night's rave" which was probably the worst movie ever. i love bad movies, but is anyone going to pay me back for that thing?
today mom made morgan and i dress up like easter eggs for our easter dinner, featuring steak and candlelight. it made me want to go vegetarian. i love the bread group. then i had to go to the joni dark rehearsal to be on book and cover eileen's lines. which are all my old lines. everyone should go to see it this weekend at u of m.
scandaliz vandalistz has gotten lots of fan mail lately. we are so loved. someone from WEVL played our song for beifuss himself, and he liked it! he now has his own copy. life continues to be grand...
every cd i've bought lately is completely awesome. as far as i know.
listening to: the thermals - our trip
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Monday, March 21, 2005
Friday, March 18, 2005
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
stayed here a thousand years
did you know how many great songs there are about supermarkets? it's amazing.
listening to: salvador deli - grocery
strong women gripe and bite your heavy tongues
today is nutty. i don't know where it went.... LA spent the night last night. we had the weirdest triple feature of all time: kill bill vol. 2, boys don't cry, and high times' potluck. WHAT THE FUCK!? we ate three-cheese bagel bites, gushers, circus peanuts, and cherry coke. it was gruesome and phenomenal. we spooned our way into sleep and she left early this morning. at which point mom decided we were going to wait until tomorrow to leave for asheville, because she was stressed out. which is probably good since i hadn't gotten anything done on that writing scholarship mess and 905723 other things. which i guess i should continue to work on right now. if you have any last minute helpful hints, let me know. but no one is really around so. fuck ya.
listening to: 50 foot wave - clara bow
Sunday, March 13, 2005
as high as she pulls her hat down low
listening to: belly - thief
Saturday, March 12, 2005
i need your lovin like the sunshine
last night morgan finally had her star wars party with eileen, sara foot, lena, mouse, emma, bekka, and newman. great times were had by all. lots of nutso cookies were consumed. and robin's eggs. mmmm. i had my first ever cherry vanilla dr. pepper or some craziness. the original is definitely better.
i just ordered a bunch of shit from amazon. i am the awesome. everything is nuts. i should run away.
listening to: the korgis - everybody's got to learn sometime
Saturday, March 05, 2005
under the bullshit radar, i came to find you
tomorrow's (incredibly rough) schedule:
11am -- scene 1 and 2 (newman, alanna)
12pm -- scene 6 (newman, alanna, katherine)
1pm -- scene 11 (newman, alanna, katherine)
2pm -- scene 3 (sallis, mr. dohan, morgan)
3pm -- scene 9 (newman, alanna, mr. dohan)
4pm -- scene 4 (newman, alanna, mr. dohan, morgan)
5pm -- scenes 10 and 12 (morgan)
that will all change tomorrow, i can tell you that much. but if you're on the list, could you please show up? thanks. we'll call if we're crazy behind. but hopefully we'll have a lot of time to run around and shoot all the extra stuff that's not really included on the schedule. i'm PRETTY DAMN WORRIED. the more i think about it, the worse it gets. so i guess i should set my alarm clock for 8:30 and get to bed. sigh.
listening to: kristin hersh - deep wilson
Friday, March 04, 2005
can i sleep in your shadow?
lauren dunn's birthday party is saturday night. i can't wait.
listening to: nedelle - the natural night
Thursday, March 03, 2005
i LOVE love songs.
so let's make a new start
and that's the way to my heart
(hand claps)
listening to: spoon - the way we get by
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
wake up early and you live to regret it
listening to: modest mouse & 764-hero - whenever you see fit
Monday, February 28, 2005
i can't consider
listening to: interpol - PDA
Thursday, February 24, 2005
sprint across the wire
isn't this the coolest thing ever created? someone should buy it for me. or at least contribute a dollar to the why-the-fuck-is-it-all-the-way-in-london fund.
i know i asked already but has anyone thought of a book to start off the book club with? katherine sort of suggested the bell jar, but obviously i finished that. i'm really restless and am in no hurry to read chapter 7 of the ap psych book. i feel like there's a thousand things i should've been doing today. usually if you're absent for two days in a row you have a bit of make up work. but my assignbook is sickeningly (gloriously) empty. ah well. i was so bored in school today, i almost shot my face open. the past week i'd been reading every chance i got and today i felt tired and dead. and sick. i forgot to take my day-quil, which was a bad move.
i got invited to another pono party tomorrow night. i don't have anything to wear though, so i might not be able to go.
i know this is weird of me to be asking, in a way, but is anyone going to bonnaroo? i might actually go.... seriously.
brandon saw modest mouse on sunday. he shook isaac's hand. tomorrow he is seeing blonde redhead and interpol. we aren't on speaking terms.
listening to: 50 foot wave - your ghost
it's safe to say
katherine (dohan) called and invited me to dinner with her and katherine (warren) at pho saigon. i had some lovely soup and we tried to think of things to do for the "hamlet" parody. it was going badly. we went to ck's for coffee and cloves. i somehow came up with the concept of setting the whole film in a grocery store, which katherine latched onto as genius. well i sure hope it is genius, because i'd like to do a good job with this movie. anyway, i was so proud, i ordered another coffee and a grilled cheese to fuel my brain. now we are on a roll. i'm worried, though, because katherine is leaving for st. olaf tomorrow and will be leaving for oberlin a couple days before hte project is due. so we have to finish early and i don't know. i hope we survive.
today i went back to school. i was really dreading it, having not gone to school in almost a week. but it was okay.
i've got no plans whatsoever for the weekend. oh yeah, pink floyd light show on saturday night. the last one ever in memphis, run by our own brett hanover. we've all gotta go. tomorrow is senior out to lunch. i think we're going to quizno's, then gibson's. i'm excited. although i'd rather go to young avenue deli. anyone want to venture over there with me sometime soon? say yes.
my report card is surprisingly good. isn't that hysterical? i'm about to go to baskin robbins with mom and morgan. weeooo!
listening to: sonic youth - candle
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
ain't got no use for your red apple juice
listening to: the be good tanyas - rain and snow
Monday, February 21, 2005
take your aim, hit your mark
i debated going home after mom called me, but there was nothing i could really do there except be sad. so i tried not to think about it too much while we ate dinner at popeye's and then watched ferngully at LA's house. we had a short and disconnected conversation about philosophy. LA drove me home around 11:30. i went straight to bed. i woke up on saturday around 10 with my cat at the foot of the bed. mom and i spent a little while talking on the couch. i love my mom. we are very similar. she took me and lauren to see bad education, where brock also met us. it was a great movie and i recommend that you go out to see it if you get a chance. morgan fox had been in the theatre and we said hello briefly. he's a really nice man. we should take "much finer" to him soon, i think. mom drove lauren home, and we stopped by raffe's deli to buy some hommus. we tried to rent the motorcycle diaries, as we are both in love with gael garcia however you say it, but it was out at blockbuster. so we came home, ordered camy's pizza, and watched the discreet charm of the bourgeoisie which mom had given too me for valentine's day. it was funny and strange. mom got in bed to read, and, even though it was really early, i accidentally fell asleep next to her. i was woken up when morgan and dad got home from the play, and i was really tired so i went and got in my own bed. after that, it took me a really long time to fall back asleep. i should've taken some nyquil. my cold has been getting unfortunately worse. i guess i fell asleep at some point because i was awoken when my phone started ringing. LA called asking if she and john could come over and borrow a movie. they arrived a few minutes later, and i tried to help them find something. i hope they had a good night with memento, junior, and both bill and ted movies. i went back to bed after they left but stayed awake forever. sunday i woke up before 10 somehow, feeling more sick. made chai for morgan and i, to soothe our throats, and watched the newsies with her and mom. i sat around reading and eating hommus for a while, then took a nap for something like three hours. when i woke up i felt miserable and looked around for something to eat, but to no avail. eventually i had some reheated pizza and a vanilla coke. brock and sallis arrived at the same time to watch adapatation. has anyone seen that? want to talk about it? sallis and brock didn't see it the same way i did. i suck at movies, though. they went home at the same time. morgan and i sat in the kitchen eating thin mints while i heated up a cup of the chai that i made way too much on accident. she and i talked for a really long time into the night. we always get worked up if we talk for too long. we went to bed eventually. i was woken up abrutly, early this morning (before 8 haha) by a thunderstorm. i hate thunder. it really scares me and makes me feel like a little kid. i realized as i woke up a little more than i couldn't really breathe through my nose, and that my ceiling was dripping a little puddle of water. the drip only lasted for a few minutes, thank god, and not for the whole storm. how weird though. i got up and finished reading "the funnies" which is a book brandon gave me for christmas. it was really good. now i can't wait to start the book club!! does anyone have any suggestions for what we start off with? the tentative reading list includes the bell jar, the fountainhead, east of eden, the rainbow, franny and zooey, and brave new world. the members (whoever they turn out to be) will take turns picking the book, and my mom is going to mediate the discussions. i am very very excited. don't fuck up! right now i should probably be doing homework or something.
listening to: cerveris - SPCA
Monday, February 14, 2005
stick it to the m-a-n, man
Thursday, February 10, 2005
still ain't got no driver's license
listening to: themselves - paging dr. moon or gun
Friday, February 04, 2005
i hate you, blog.
CD exchange is in full swing. thanks to everyone who's brought copies of their list around. laylee had a brilliant idea that this would work much better online, so here is what we have so far. if your name doesn't have a link on it, please email me a copy of your list sometime soon. and test out the search engine, take a look around. who knew so many people owned "jagged little pill?" anyway. i'm excited. let me know if you have any trouble or if i can change the site in any helpful way.
i had another paragraph planned but i forgot what it was going to say. so here it is.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
drawn up in lights
then morgan and foot sang that scary song about "peanut peanut butter and jelly and jelly" to me. i cry.
now they have kicked me out because they are working on a project, and i'm probably going to work on my cd list some more. i hope you are all doing the same! there's no more option, everyone MUST participate in the mega cd swap. or i come to your house and take everything.
tonight we might go to young avenue deli, and i hope we do. i'm not even hungry, but oh i will be.
listening to: tori amos - glory of the 80s
Monday, January 24, 2005
i heard you drove a silvery sports car
listening to: bandits - catch me
Sunday, January 23, 2005
you know you can follow my voice
WHAT TO DO:
1) Create a list of ALL your CDs. Even the really shitty ones. No lying or false advertising. (You can put your siblings' stuff too, if you'd like. Mine is an all-encompassing Stewart-Jacobs family catalog.)
2) Slap your name on it, make some copies (please try to conserve paper), and pass those babies out to whoever wants one.
3) Collect everyone else's CD lists, write your name on them, and highlight the albums that are yearning to belong in your collection.
4) Return the highlighted list and the appropriate number of blank CDs to the list's owner.
5) When you get your own lists back, burn away. Love illegality. Track lists would be helpful but are not required.
6) Exchange. Listen. Weep.
you are all invited to participate. because i want as much shit as i can get my hands on. if you're interested, let me know so that i know how many copies to make of these things. or, you can distribute your list via email if that works better for you. also, if you're borrowing any CDs from participating kiddies, be sure to return them so that they can get their lists together. any questions? thank you, i love you, good night.
listening to: tommy gnosis - wicked little town
Friday, January 21, 2005
oh, hey
listening to: tracy + the plastics - what you still want
Thursday, January 20, 2005
you always were a queer one from the start
this week is faster than i could've imagined, but i've been silly and really nonchalant about school. and everything else. but it's been nice. does anyone want to help me make the weekend nice?
i love music.
listening to: belle and sesbastian - expectations
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
i disappear! i disappear!
listening to: frente! - jungle
Monday, January 17, 2005
you are asleep
i am gritting my teeth in preparation for the battle ahead. everything will turn out great. alone means nothing. i don't care about everyone who doesn't care. i hate all humanity. die die die die die or at least leave me in peace.
i have to find a bubble.
why am i posting this.
listening to: placebo - bulletproof cupid
a symphony that's you
i had a really good week.
now that that's over with.... i am so fucking stuffed full of curry turkey pita. sweet godddddd. morgan and i are more full this weekend than we ever are because our parents are in boston. sarah is staying with us, and we go out for every meal. what the hell else would we spend the weekend money on? well it is nice. i'm not used to so much food, though. on friday we saw the life aquatic again. i think i can safely say that IT IS EVEN BETTER A SECOND TIME. if you haven't gone, you are missing out. last night we saw the house of the flying daggers, and it was not so good. maybe i am really picky. but the plot was ridiculous. there were some pretty visuals, i guess... i liked the choreographed fight sequences, but that's about it. it was pretty silly. but i think it's necessary for me to see a silly movie once in a while so that i can remember they exist. i am spoiled rotten sometimes.
also. i know i've talked about it before, but recently i have not really had a chance to RAVE about how much i love last.fm. i encourage all of you to go get an account on it so that i can stalk you and look at what you're listening to. and you can stalk me.
i'm a loser.
listening to: kings of convenience - love is no big truth
Monday, January 10, 2005
you and me will be whirlwinds of danger
forgive me if i don't post much this week.
today is too long for me to be writing now.
i must flee.
listening to: kimya dawson - nobody's hippie
Sunday, January 09, 2005
i sleep with one hand on my heart
katherine better win the scholastic writing competition.
today was fucking awful. many things were said. but everything worked out, i think. things happened that needed to happen. things were accomplished. the day is finally over, and i am so glad. this week will be better.
listening to: throwing muses - no way in hell
it's too warm inside your hands
listening to: sleater-kinney - turn it on
Thursday, January 06, 2005
smoke that tumbleweed
"Sense and nonsense in Lewis Carroll's Jabberwocky and Alice in Wonderland."
fuckin a! oh yeah! i am really excited about it. i hope i can focus on it and be good.
in psychology, DJ, who graduated last year, came and talked for the full goddamn hour about being a student at univeristy of georgia. i learned so much psychology, it was amazing. who knew that georgians were white and republican? not me. i'm being dicky, it was pretty interesting. but really badly timed. the rest of the day was okay. school this week has been okay, which means pretty good, considering that everything's usually unbelievably bad. so i am in a good mood.
ALTHOUGH I TOOK ANOTHER FUCKING NAP TODAY AND SLEPT PAST 7 SO NOW I MISSED THE DAMN SCHOOL MUSICAL. I AM SO SORRY NEWMAN AND EILEEN. I'LL COME ON SATURDAY OR OSMETHING. I AM SORRY.
listening to: afroman - colt 45
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
singing songs till morning comes
katherine, morgan, and i had lemongrass chicken and noodle thingies at pho saigon after school. it was nice. katherine has broken her fast. my fortune cookie was brilliant. it said, "a surprise treat awaits you." in bed. i am very excited.
i definitely didn't do any work yesterday, and i was supposed to catch up this afternoon, but i have an awful headache so i think i'll take a nap. woops!
listening to: cowboy junkies - blue guitar
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
living out of a box
listening to: liz phair - johnny sunshine
Monday, January 03, 2005
i'm a computer
Saturday, January 01, 2005
i want this to read like a letter
we got home a few hours ago. i opened the blogger window and stared blankly. now here i am again attempting to speak.
jackson was nice and awkward as usual, but it only lasted 1.3 days. alma, georgia and its inhabitants are the same as ever, too, but i had a better time than i usually do. i wonder why that is. i've decided i'm exaggerating. at least it leaves me with a nice memory. you can see pictures by my cousin rachel, morgan, and i at this location shortly.
i hope all you babies are having a great break.
listening to: weeping tile - in the road
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
hey dude
listening to: shitty madtv for some ungodly reason
Friday, December 24, 2004
have fun with my family and friends
this morning my family celebrated christmas because we're leaving town later this afternoon. even if it didn't feel much like christmas, the night before was sort of normal. i crawled in bed around 1:15, couldn't sleep, phone call from 1:45 to 3:20, couldn't sleep until maybe 4, and then only got about 3 hours. woke up freezing cold and harassed the parents until they got out of bed. it was nice and classic. i made out with new pajamas, nail clippers, a beaded purse, a cLOUDDEAD album, frank black francis, the yeah yeah yeahs dvd, a russian movie i've never heard of called house of fools, and a muthafuckin laptop. hell yes. i am very happy about these things. and now i'm uber-hyper.
check out this creepy shit... stalkers scare me.
listening to: the moldy peaches - i wanna be a hulkamaniac
Thursday, December 23, 2004
i wanna have all the toys
listening to: ringo starr - i wanna be santa claus
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
he move me and the chains changed
listening to: throwing muses - cry baby cry
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
slide slide slippity slide
listening to: handsome boy modeling school feat. cat power - i've been thinking
Monday, December 20, 2004
just the way the operation made me
today was difficult but i bought a chai. it wasn't as good as normal. that's too bad.
listening to: the dresden dolls - girl anachronism
Sunday, December 19, 2004
cmon back to me right now
i hate everything.
we finally got our christmas tree today. mom even started the ornaments. dad put some lights up outside too while i ate grilled cheese. LA, laylee, alice, and wenli picked me up around 1 to go get-up shopping at victoria's secret in peabody place. nobody could find anything that fit except for alice. how depressing is that when you go to a store that supposedly specialize in all that mess, and only one in five people can even wear the damn sizes. that settles it. i'm only wearing custom-made bras from now on.
i bought a chai at starbucks. soon i'll implode.
we went into some clothes store that depressed me. i'm really no good at being a girl, although it was nice to pretend for a few minutes today and talking about girly things all afternoon at chick-fil-a. one day i'll either learn or just give up entirely.
listening to: the breeders - do you love me now?