[[Revisit a paragraph or two from a piece you are feeling good about. Search for your verbs. How many of them are state of being vs. active? Swap out as many is am are was were words with mood setting active verbs as possible. Then, go back and look at your nouns. Are there any you could make more concrete and less abstract? Lastly, search out all adjectives and adverbs. If you remove them, does the meaning of the sentence change? Usually once I edit out the static verbs and swap in the concrete nouns, the need for modifiers disappears. Please post the before and after results.]]
At the reception, Tyler's relatives unloaded gag gifts and toasts that drooped like eulogies–all past tense, they released him to a life of sin before an eternity of hellfire. We did not witness the same flame.
Honest to goodness, I couldn’t believe so many conservatives showed up, anti-vaxxers and Mormons, their love expressed as presence. Cousin Mary offers a plastic pail and shovel, with a memory of playing on the beach as kids puncutated by the unspoken, "Before you made us bury you." Before the waves engulfed the castle.
Brock's father had terrified teenage-me with his half-empty mansion, grill pit tongs, and his god's judging eyes. A rigid man, sure of his status, followed straight the path laid before him, unaware of who bent to build it. That night in the Eureka Springs Community Center, he uncoiled just slightly, the tiniest detour.
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