Sunday, June 26, 2016
Sunday, June 19, 2016
worst morning
- cat food on the people plates
- someone drank my beer
- people tried to change meeting to 7
- deuce tells me that unexpected visitor is about to arrive
- new can of oogles
- cats in the warehouse
- Ken doesn't take responsibility when I question oogles in kitchen re: cats
- later cats are still there. Ken did not talk to them as promised so I have to.
- thursday says some anti feminist shit
- my room is full of flies
- bes brings piglet info pickle house and panics Gracie Lou
- dan didn't put gas in my car or tell me that the window is fuxked up
- rushing to go to work
- getting gas takes forever
- it's hot as fuck
- what am I doing here
- where do I belong
Wednesday, June 15, 2016
library life
after a weekend of cooking my brain and losing my mind and crushing my body, i was terrified and panicked to start my new job. even at the library! even though i should've felt perfect, i was in a panic after not having had a "real" job for years (ever??)
last night i could hardly sleep, and when i did, i was woken up over and over by my nightmares -- sexual violence and terror and mundane garbage. in the last dream, around 6am, i had to get to work but i was stuck in south boston with thursday and time kept moving and we kept not catching each other to come back to baltimore.
but despite the lack of sleep, i felt motivated and capable all morning. in the shower, i realized i'd been humming "polly, put your kettle on," my literal get-it-done theme song back in austin. i knew i could do it all! i immediately put on some coffee, put together my outfit, and put my diva cup in a pot to boil WHICH I HAVEN'T USED IN A YEAR because i haven't cleaned it. what!!!!
i left the house an hour before my shift to pop into artifact for an egg-cheese-mushroom muffin and, let's face it, a soy latte. despite being there much longer than anticipated, i didn't feel too rushed on the half-hour commute and even though i'd never been there, i didn't feel too stressed about driving across baltimore. these skinny bumpy streets confuse me but somehow i'm learning just by being a passenger. my learning style is observation sponge, and even i don't know it's working till way down the road.
SO. revelations:
last night i could hardly sleep, and when i did, i was woken up over and over by my nightmares -- sexual violence and terror and mundane garbage. in the last dream, around 6am, i had to get to work but i was stuck in south boston with thursday and time kept moving and we kept not catching each other to come back to baltimore.
but despite the lack of sleep, i felt motivated and capable all morning. in the shower, i realized i'd been humming "polly, put your kettle on," my literal get-it-done theme song back in austin. i knew i could do it all! i immediately put on some coffee, put together my outfit, and put my diva cup in a pot to boil WHICH I HAVEN'T USED IN A YEAR because i haven't cleaned it. what!!!!
i left the house an hour before my shift to pop into artifact for an egg-cheese-mushroom muffin and, let's face it, a soy latte. despite being there much longer than anticipated, i didn't feel too rushed on the half-hour commute and even though i'd never been there, i didn't feel too stressed about driving across baltimore. these skinny bumpy streets confuse me but somehow i'm learning just by being a passenger. my learning style is observation sponge, and even i don't know it's working till way down the road.
SO. revelations:
- libraries are always going to be comfortable, no matter what.
- librarians are awkward turtles and i don't have to be scared of them.
- i thrive in a service position!
- i love to help people!
- helping people makes me love people!
- i am capable of being confident!
- i believe i can accomplish things that regular people can. (fix my car, fix my life.)
- i believe i can still retain my sense of self and my weirdness while working a "normal" job.
- i think i can also stop smoking! i can! or at least cut way down.
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