Monday, November 10, 2003

this weekend (so far, although it's basically over for me. unless we see 'pieces of april' tomorrow, which mom thinks was filmed in my aunt's apartment building on the lower east side of new york) has been pretty damn good. well, except for my nothingness on friday. i had an orthodontist appointment so i couldn't hang out with kids after school. and anyway katherine and i had made editting plans, so it was all good. we ended up only getting to do it for a short time, as i mentioned before, because she had to go to the football game for band. then i sat around for hours and sulked. i went to the play because becca had said she was available to go that night. i got the impression that was really going to try and get there, so even though i had planned to go on sunday, rather than friday, i went so that she woudln't be alone. however she completely forgot about it, but that's cool. brock left that huge group of kids to come be with theatre, which was very nice of him. i guess it was less "nice" than just "i am brock and i can't stand to be in one situation for too long." i don't know that he even had a necessarily very good time. ah well, such is the life of a free mason. daniel from open-mic also showed up at the play, but he really didn't like it. i personally thought it was really great, very moving and emotional, and portrayed beautifully. it was INCREDIBLY short, which sucked, because i could really see how much greater it would have been if the auditions had had better turn out... it was just great. i'm sorry i didn't film it, because i know that i (and a lot of other OOV people) will regret that in the future. it was just amazing. even with the shortness, the point is done so well that it ends up not really mattering. huge kudos to all the actors, because you were fucking awesome. i pity all of you who didn't go see it. shame, shame, shame. please read the review and feel even worse about not going. because shit.
after the play, the three of us, plus morgan, eileen, and sara went to pizza cafe for a while. afterwards, brock was only here for like 10 seconds before his mom came. we were really tired. the day was okay, but not spectacular.
saturday, katherine came over and editted from 12 to 2 or something. it was okay, we didn't get too much done, and we got really tired of editting. hopefully we'll have time to do some tomorrow and maybe even finish the damned dance break. jesus!
laylee had nothing to do on saturday, and really wanted to see me. it was sad because of all days when i actually have fucking PLANS she is bored and lonely. it's always so opposite. but i spent a lot of time on the phone or online with her in between the time when katherine left and when zoe picked me and morgan up at 4:30 for her birthday party. we ate mexican with kimberly, zak, eric, katy, miranda, and zoe's mom. it was nice. then we (minus kimberly) hung out at square foods, and saw good time speech before going back to zoe's house (minus zak) for the most beautiful cake i've ever eaten featuring chocolate ice cream, vanilla cake, whipped cream, and reese's pieces bits strewn all over. ohh jesus melt. then we just hung out in zoe's room for a bit. eric went home, i nearly fell asleep on the floor. then we watched "hedwig and the angry inch." HOORAY HOORAY. i love that movie. i don't know that katy and miranda liked it... ah well. then zoe and i slept in her bed, while morgan, miranda, and katy slept in the den. zoe and i stayed up talking long into the night. it was nice, and all in all the night was not as awkward as i was anticipating. i missed a call from brandon, because i accidentally left my phone on silent after the play. i'm sorry, puppy lump. i would've liked to talk to you. it would've been nice if you had called tonight, too, while i was at laylee's beatles party. ohhh. it was so nice.
i really need to start eating better. or at least eating regularly. this morning, zoe's mom fed us so much damn food. i had 2 waffles, scrambled eggs, and a piece of that delicious cake for breakfast. it was more than i've eaten in like 3 months. so much that i basically didn't get hungry for the rest of the day. at all. my food pattern is getting really sad. it's at the point where my body is so USED to not eating, that when i finally do put something in it, it goes "HOLY SHIT! FOOD?! GIVE ME LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS MORE!" which i don't want to do. so since eating only makes me hungry, and i just avoid it more. one of these days i'm going to collapse and have no idea why. aha. after dad picked us up from zoe's, (we were the last ones to leave) i went home briefly. mom wanted me to research 4 colleges before i did anything else, so i did that and started to burn a cd for laylee. then mom was like "WE HAVE TO GO. NOW" and the cd was 10 seconds from being done, but she was really upset with me and there was no WAY we cold wait without her freaking out. it was really depressing. i was so excited too. so she took mixless me to laylee's house where she looked so fucking hot in her pajamas, and we cuddled on the bed, and listened to rasputina, and had a lovely time just sitting around being alanna and laylee. it was perfect. then laylee craved turkey wraps, so her mom took us to kroger to get the ingredients. while we were there, daniell called and said that at yogurt, she had invited brock to the beatles party they had planned for tonight. and while she was telling him, elizabeth overheard, so they invited her. she, in turn, asked if she could bring 5 other people. so laylee was like "waheoieig" plus everyone now had the impression that it was happening at laylee's house, which was not supposed to be happening in the first place. so we were rather put out. but it all worked out okay. we went home and ate our wraps, which weren't as good as laylee was anticipating. aww. i wasn't even hungry anyway HAHA. then arman came home from his job at the children's museum, and offered to help us with the party. it was really cute. he was doing that voice that laylee and becca also use. gwahahah cute. we ended up spending most of hte evening in prepartion. the guests arrived in a little trickle all night, and becca was the first to arrive, though not. in a very. good mood. somewhat like our friend the DwarfStar. then daniell came, and arman helped all of us make nametags on yellow construction paper with submarines on them. the nametag idea was a joke, because we were saying that if elizabeth brought 5 kids that none of us knew, we should have nametags to help remember who was who and everything... though in the end, i told brock on the phone that laylee really didn't want them to come, so it didn't happen. but we still wore the nametags, and i loved it. mine is very tiny. like me. i'm still wearing it and i like it. we (laylee) also made pins of the 5 main characters from the yellow submarine cartoon. they're pefect. i got ringo, which i was sad about at first, because george is my favorite and all, but after we watched "help" i didn't mind at all. because he's damned great in that movie. kevin was the captain of the submarine, rather than a beatle. because he's bearded and pink-ish. ahahahah. also arman bought us cookie dough and we made one big cookie out of it, to be a cake, and becca and daniell drew a big submarine on it with yellow icing, and wrote the beatles' names on it and covered it with lovely sprinkles, one big fat candle, and a star wars robot. it was damned beautiful and i'm sad we took no pictures. balloons were thrown, candles were blown, songs were sung, prayers were said. it was a beautiful evening. arman also made us drinks which he named "yellow submarines" which were lemonade and vodka. not incredibly pleasant, but it was supposed to make the party more fun aha. i had about half of mine, and kevin had the rest (entirely unaware that it wasn't just lemonade). partway through, "help" william arrived, and about halfway through becca and i spilled milk all over the place. as laylee and i ran around trying to clean it up, and start making popcorn at the same time, brock arrived. he let me hug him to death, which made me really happy because he's not been letting me. or maybe it's a public thing. or something. i don't know, but he did and i listened to his pretty heart. when we started the movie again, william and becca left to talk in laylee's room, and brock and i had great fun static-ing pink balloons to our heads. nobody would sing the songs with me. it was sad. and i kept trying to teach brock which beatle was which, and tell him that he needed to get a favorite before the night was over... i don't think it worked. now that i think about it, his presense at the party is really hysterical. he doesn't even like the beatles. i mean, he doesn't dislike them either but he wasn't raised on them like a lot of people (me, laylee, becca, daniell, kevin, and i will throw in william too for the hell of it). it's really depressing when you think about it. i remember my dad telling me their names on the cover of the "tv this week" when the anthologies were first airing. it was that picture of them on the beach in their red and white striped bathing suits. and i couldn't tell those shits apart. partly because of the damned grain of the newspaper photo, but still. and my first real beatles song was "taxman." i mean everybody hears "yellow submarine" on the radio and whatever, but the first one that i HEARD, that was played in the car, and i asked "who is this?" was "taxman." a george song of course. he's my favorite beatle. oh jesus i melted over him tonight. oh jesus i did. he's so damned beautiful constantly. he said some line about somebody's tongue "leaving it out like that, all pink and naked." AGHWHAHAOIEHAHI. jesus. i love the whole vibe of beatles films. they just make me so happy. because it's great to think that they really acted like that in real life. you could totally believe it. not to the extent that they all lived in the same house with four separate, differently-colored doors for each of them, but just the atmosphere of everything. i want so badly to believe that it was real, even if it was just during one album's era. and i hate the fucking monkees for trying to achieve that, and not coming anywhere close. stupid motherfuckers with no musical talent and pure money minds. i hate you forever. shut the fuck up with your fucking porpoise song.
after "help" we put on "hard day's night" because daniell and becca (who did come back in) had never seen it. i had suggested we watch that one first, because you can only really see the humor when you're watching closely and paying a lot of attention to the little dialogues and everything, unless you're just going to talk over the movie and dance during the songs... which is what we ended up doing. that was fine, but it would've been better to watch help like that, because you can be talking and still look up during a random scene and find some of it funny. even the delivery of "hard day's night" is colder and everything. there were some absolutely hysterical shots and sucessions of transitions in "help" that i hadn't really noticed before. ahah oh god i'm so film this is sick. i'm shutting up. the point is it was a really really great night. eventually, laylee and kevin were like "this night is done, we want to be alone." (though he hugged us both, kevin kissed me but not brock. MWAHAHA. i'm so god.) so brock and i walked to his house. on the way we sat back to back on a tire swing. my feet couldn't touch the ground, so brock did all the real swinging. i felt bad about that, but. sorry i'm a freeloader, brock. then he got dizzy so we just swung on the regular swings instead. it was nice. i think the skirt i wrote today is my swinging skirt, because i am always swinging and singing in it. very nice. luckily this evening, i didn't demonstrate it's horrifying flippage power to brock, where it does that billow and then flies practically over my head. ahahahaha. only laylee has seen that shit. anyway it was just nice and we talked a while. then he was worried that his mom would be anxious about us getting home, so we kept walking. i have never walked from brock's to laylee's, so i didn't know how long it would take and i was afraid we wouldn't have enough time to talk. i walk slowly anyway, because i hate time and i want to be leisurely or whatever the fuck. he strides. partly because he's so much bigger than me that his legs just move faster, but whatever. we had a nice conversation about our weekends and about why i hate it when people don't defend their opinion. he generally doesn't do that, so obviously even though he didn't agree with my speech he wasn't going to say anything about it. how sick and sad is that? it's depressing to think about. but it was a nice walk. my thighs got really fucking cold. the best part is that i had my bra in my coat pocket and it was sticking out everywhere. actually even better is that before i put it away, i had been carrying it and i accidentally waved it to brock's mom as she drove away. HAHAHAHAHAHA. she did indeed drive me home, and i felt guilty about doing that to her, but i thanked her and everything so hopefully she won't hate me even more than i know she already does. i hadn't thought to bring my house key because i didn't think i was going to be out late or anything, and i forgot that since dad has work tomorrow, he wouldn't be awake when i got home. therefore i had to crawl into my bedroom window again (this should be a weekly habit, because it's too much fun) and i'm sure that also made brock's mom uncomfortable. i didn't explain it to her. i didn't think to. oh well. as soon as i fell onto my bed, my phone rang and brock asked if i had gotten in okay. it was very sweet of him to check, because most people just drive off. but, as i've said, the lock on my window is broken so it wasn't like there was no way in or anything. hahaa jesus. i still have laylee's wallet in my purse. i called to tell her and we got to talk for a little, while kevin linuxed. i love to talk to laylee. oh god it's good. she is entirely honest and beautiful to me and no one is as good as laylee. except maybe george harrison. but i told her i was going to go to bed because i was so tired. instead i came in here and wrote this hour-long post for her. so she better be fucking happy.

listening to: the beatles - the long and winding road

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