my throat is really tight like i'm going to cry. i'm not.
becca and william drove to nashville after school and saw bonfire madigan. they were practically the only people there. i'm really really really upset that i didn't get to go. it's ruining my week. that and the fact that dad has apparently been reading my blog. i have no idea for how long or anything. how fucking creepy is that? hence the deletion. i don't know what i'm going to do, but i've talked about it too much today to say anything more.
i mentioned before that the therapist had suggested i do compulsive stuff. today i was taking one of my signature long-ass showers, and i got really sad so i lay down for a really long time. then i found a penny on the side of the tub and spent about half an hour scraping from between the tiles in the shower. it was really weird. i didn't really think about it at first, and then i was like "what am i doing?" but i didn't stop. i couldn't exactly stop. it was very strange, and i'm afraid of myself. i got to talk to brock on the phone for a long time. also, sallis called because he was worried about me. it was the best thing that's happened to me in days. brandon also called, to brag that he gets to see bmad AND rx bandits this weekend. god damn.
i would say more but it's too painful right now and i'm depressed and i have lots of work to do and i can't stop listening to madigan. i think i'll die.

listening to: tattle tale - fly away
"i wish i could cry, but the tears don't come out of my eyes. will you hold my hand? will you hold my hand? and don't let go..."