slide slide slippity slide

who the fuck knew chan marshall could sing r&b style hip hop? man. i'm impressed with this song... but it's true that i'm either going to marry prince paul or dan the automator. it's just obvious now.

listening to: handsome boy modeling school feat. cat power - i've been thinking

just the way the operation made me

i am eating cheez-its. i love cheez-its.
today was difficult but i bought a chai. it wasn't as good as normal. that's too bad.

listening to: the dresden dolls - girl anachronism

cmon back to me right now

it's really late. my chest aches, and i should sleep. i should finish christmas presents and shopping. i should be doing my college applications. i should finish this dr pepper.
i hate everything.
we finally got our christmas tree today. mom even started the ornaments. dad put some lights up outside too while i ate grilled cheese. LA, laylee, alice, and wenli picked me up around 1 to go get-up shopping at victoria's secret in peabody place. nobody could find anything that fit except for alice. how depressing is that when you go to a store that supposedly specialize in all that mess, and only one in five people can even wear the damn sizes. that settles it. i'm only wearing custom-made bras from now on.
i bought a chai at starbucks. soon i'll implode.
we went into some clothes store that depressed me. i'm really no good at being a girl, although it was nice to pretend for a few minutes today and talking about girly things all afternoon at chick-fil-a. one day i'll either learn or just give up entirely.

listening to: the breeders - do you love me now?

i am good enough for someone

i was late to the yuletide extravaganza because i'm a mess, and i didn't find a real ride. so i bummed with mouse and morgan to the paradiso where they were seeing a movie and then walked to alice's house. i missed the entire concert part. i did get a couple bagel bites during the after party though. katherine drove me home. we blasted "killing in the name of" and looked hot and punk-ass in our formal wear. then we watched ashlee simpson music videos. what is life?
i figured i would post the rodent carols just for old time's sake. and by that, i mean i want to come back and laugh at them in a year.

to the tune of The Christmas Song, aka Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire
Hamsters singing in a rodent choir
I didn't know your mother sews
Yet on each paw, there's a glove made of straw
Cold hamsters... we are

Hamsters stacking up the Yule-logs higher
Or else we will soon be froze
The sticks are a-burnin', but soon we will be learnin'
Not to stand too close to a fire.

Hamsters toasting at an open fire
We feel danger coming close
Move out of the way or a price we will pay
AAAGHHHHHHH, oh no.

Hamsters roasting on a funeral pyre
We are feeling rather poached
Flames lick my fur as I turn to ember
I'm a goner....
I'm toast.


to the tune of O Little Town of Bethlehem
O little mouse of Bethlehem
Tempted by the brie
Satan's wish did lure you in
Under the Christmas tree

As you were getting closer,
You saw the darker side
You thought you ordered a soul mate
You got a mail order bride

O little mouse of Bethlehem
O so sadly decieved
The Christmas spirit is gone away
No longer in pine leaves

But before you turn to druid
You must look closer now
I see a sticky fluid
Flowing from evergreen boughs

O Hallelujah, Hallelujah
This tree is for real!
It's not plastic or operatic
It's not a Wal-Mart deal

Drawn by tree of knowledge
O you can have it all!
It smelled good from over here
But that was Eve's downfall

O little mouse of Bethlehem
You finally found the source
The cheese is now within your grasp
A fitting final course

THE TRAP IS SLOWING CLOSING
ENCROACHING ON YOUR TAIL
WHILE OTHER JUDGES MIGHT BE KIND
THIS TRIP WON'T ACCEPT BAIL
*SNAP!*

listening to: throwing muses - solar dip

i'm in the fire

school's finally out but nothing feels different. at least not yet. we took our last exams today, then alice, brock, and i went to starbucks where i had my millionth chai. brock went home feeling sick, i came home to sink into a sleep. however katherine called and saved me. we talked on the phone before she came over and we just hung out a while. seeing her is so great, and i am so lucky to have such a great friend. then we went to dinner with my family at bosco's. having katherine there was a nice addition to the conversation. we're a silly family at restaurants, i guess. my mom told ridiculous baby stories and got loud and hysterical. i love it. and i love creme brulee. we came home, and katherine and i wrote some silly rodent-themed parodies of christmas songs which will be performed tomorrow at the yuletide extravaganza at alice's house at 2pm. be there babies.

listening to: pj harvey - snake

The higher he's a-getting

i just got home from studying english with katherine. she is a flatterer. i don't mind because i love her company. i have my last two exams tomorrow and i obviously should be studying right now. english won't be too bad, but i'm worried about government. whatev, mang. gather ye rosebuds and shit.

feel so tongue-tied

i should be studying. whyyyyyy can't i get up?

listening to: radiohead - myxomatosis

just keep telling me

school's almost out. things will be good soon (hahahahhahhahhahaahahahahahhahaha)
i hope i pass my exams.

religious kodak moment

so i just went to church for the first time in years. how awkward. now i feel like i have to cleanse myself.

listening to: cLOUDDEAD - son of a gun

you should be here with me

well at least i have my chai now. and little else. i don't remember why i wanted to post, but i've had the damn box open for 15 minutes. ACT is over, thank god. now all i have to worry about is my exams. not that i was worrying about ACT... whatever. i want to see a movie. maybe i'll go the machinist later.
i miss living.

listening to: darlene love - christmas (baby please come home)

tell me

today i went to ck's after school with allison, lauren, christie, elizabeth, brock, brett, and katherine. everyone was going to the library afterwards but i decided to come home early and take a nap. at 9:15 my mother called my cell phone, woke me up, and started to lecture me about how i need to call home when i'm out that long. the ridiculous thing is that both she and dad walked through the room where i was asleep and didn't see me at all. go figure. so now i'm awake and i don't want to be. it means i SHOULD be studying for ACT, rather than "oh i fell asleep, what could i do?" even though i should've been studying for this shit for weeks. i've never taken it before, and i really don't know what to expect. oh well. i guess there's nothing i can do now, and i will just do my best tomorrow. i probably won't do very well but i can't bring myself to care. is anyone else taking it? i want chai tea.

the rotten one

it's kind of nice that five people commented on the post i made yesterday afternoon, considering that i don't post anymore. i figured nobody would see that shit for weeks. i apologize for those of you who have continually loaded this page over the past few weeks and found nothing. there have been some crazy things going on (the blues ball, thanksgiving break, hellfire and damnation...) that i have avoided blogging about. for reasons unknown to me and all the world. anyway i don't know why i'm posting since i should be doing my physics project hahahaahahahahahah good night.

no excuses

i hate life. blogging is not only too difficult, it's really pointless right now. maybe later...?

wish you were here. wish i was too.

compiled for me by brandon. posting the tracks so that i can get together a playlist. you don't have to pay attention.

01) the roches - damned old dog
02) kristin hersh - flipside
03) throwing muses - civil disobedience
04) the white stripes - the air near my fingers
05) richard cheese - feeling this
06) cake - where would i be?
07) the beatles - blue jay way
08) the breeders - drivin' on 9
09) kristin hersh - silica
10) the white stripes - truth doesn't make a noise
11) pj harvey - send his love to me
12) weezer - holiday
13) the beatles - all together now
14) talking heads - thank you for sending me an angel
15) talking heads - stay hungry
16) sleater-kinney - turn it on
17) the breeders - do you love me now?
18) adam green - times are bad
19) beck - atmospheric conditions
20) cat power - colors and the kids
21) billie holiday - he's funny that way
22) squirrel nut zippers - wished for you
23) janis joplin - little girl blue

i'm going to marry dr. bob.

high in the middle

today has been very difficult. but it had to happen, and i am sort of glad that it did. now all i want is sleep but i've got pounds of homework and oodles of eggnog to drink.

we gotta blow up those things we don't understand

look out for classic alanna weekend post. starting now!
friday: school went surprisingly well. brock was out of town, on a college visit in boston. we had senior out-to-lunch, so katherine, alice, laylee, sallis, and i went to atlanta bread company, where there were surprisingly no other white station kids. laylee ordered for me, and i love her. we talked about college, which doesn't bother me anymore. i don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. we then went to ck's for the world's fastest dessert and had to zoom back to school to make it on time. of course we hit every red light and screamed the whole way back to school. i'm convinced that our excitement is what got us back to class on time. i then had to take a math test which i feel like i did really well on. so i probably failed. all in all, the day flew by. it's amazing how much psychology brings me down. fuck that class. after school, katherine, morgan, and i came home and watched "requiem for a dream" which is an AMAZING movie. it's really intense, very well done, great score.... again, i wish saw katherine more since for some reason she's so good to watch and talk about movies with. after she went home, morgan and i went over to janelle's apartment, where she, eileen, and alex had already started the making of vegan mashed potatoes and eggplant lasagna. well technically alex was being the man and sitting on the couch. or playing with janelle's adorable kitten. so morgan and i pitched in to help and in "no time at all" (read: after several disasters) the dinner was served. we settled down on the carpet with our plastic cups of sparkling apple juice to watch "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind." finally, oh finally. months after the planning. it went really nicely, though. even if i was too stuffed to eat most of my dinner... i felt bad about that. but my body really isn't used to food, and after my massive lunch, i couldn't handle it. so janelle drove us home after that. it was midnight and i was really tired. i called brandon anyway, but he was busy. so i went to bed.
saturday: woke up at 11:30 to the sound of my mother screaming. like always. basically i worked on college stuff all day. i still don't know where i'm going, but at least i've finished filling out the common app. most of the places i'm applying to (so far) use it, so that is good. i'm so ridiculously behind on this stuff. i'm pretty angry with myself. but whatever. so i didn't feel up for going to the our own voice workshop, or to see "the incredibles" with my family. i talked to brandon on the phone for a few minutes. i think that's the only human contact i had (outside my family) all day. i don't even regret it. katherine and brett helped me a little with applications. i want to die. i go to bed around 2.
sunday: woke up at 9:30 to the sound of my phone ringing. go figure. bothered around the computer. sat on the couch and talked college with mom. listened to her and dad try to calculate how much money they're going to be paying, how much in loans. that was painful. sallis came to steal me away, and we drove around the city a little. hung out around church on the river, bumbled through downtown, ate massive sandwiches at zinnie's east, bought blue sky sodas at square foods, grabbed some hopefully helpful college stuff from sallis's house, and swang at peabody park. i haven't hung out with that kid forever, and it was quite nice. when we got home, brett was here borrowing books from my mom. we talked for a little while in my kitchen before his dad picked him up. and here i be. avoiding life.

listening to: dead milkmen - big lizard in my backyard

because you're mistletoe

after school today, we had an honors society meeting where we made little packed lunches for homeless people. nobody could tell me exactly what place we were sending them to, which seemed kind of depressing. it also makes you think about the fact that we're only doing this one day, out of one whole year. what are these people eating otherwise? well, i put five cookies in every ziploc baggie, so that should make them happy. i've got to start volunteering at a soup kitchen or something before i fall apart from disuse.
when we had finished cookie-packing, katherine and i went to the library where we bought coffee and talked to margaret and katherine w, who volunteer there, for a little while. i think their supervisor lady decided we were distracting them, so katherine and i fled to the third floor. we nabbed window seats in the corner and had a long discussion about alanna and katherine things. i miss her a lot. i really wish we saw more of each other, because talking to her is really important to my life and well-being. this is not a joke. i think we have connective minds. we looked at some college books for about an hour, too, and katherine can even make that unscary. she helps me breathe better. my mom came and picked me up at around 7:15. who knew we'd been there so long? it was quite nice.
speaking of nice conversations, william called me last night. we talked for a very long time about the state of the world and our own selves. i miss him a lot, too, in a different way. although i wish i could talk to him more as well since it makes me feel a lot better. i remembered the feeling of may, how happy i was, how much promise life was about to feed me. i had forgotten how idealistic he is, which is amazing. i'm the same way, and lately it's been making me feel really silly and naive. it's good to know i'm not alone, i think. he is supposed to be coming back to memphis soon, and i really hope i can spend some time with him. fuck shit up. save something a little bit.
my neck and shoulders are really sore. maybe it's a sign that katherine is right-- we're the kind of people who try to carry the weight of the world.

listening to: luna - astronaut

keeps me from thinking

last night, laylee and brock picked me up at 10 to go to hi-tone for the holly golightly show. luckily, the door guy let us in, which was very good. my hands are still x-ed and i look hardcore. becca and christine arrived shortly after we did. the opening band, the woggles, didn't start until after 10:30 but they were really awesome. we danced, which we haven't done in forever, and i was very happy about that. it wore me out more than it should've. the band used the entire space of the small hi-tone and jumped off the stage and ran around and climbed on counters. it was great. they got a pretty good handful of indie kids up there dancing, which is way impressive considering the venue and our city. so i was really happy about that. after they ended, we waited around a while, but brock had to be home by 12:30 so we didn't see any of holly golightly, which really disappointed me. i would've at least liked to see a song. i hate that i spent all my money on that show. 10 muthafuckin bucks. which means no weakerthans tonight and probably no bella sun tomorrow. oh well. happiness costs way too much. tomorrow is senior out to lunch. i hope it is okay.
on the announcements this morning, coach owens came on backed by the indoor soccer team to annouce that a junior, okechi womeodu, died last night at a game. he was all choked up. seeing him like that was really weird. he's my silly ex-homeroom teacher, who brags about starring in an equadorian car commercial. my whole homeroom was in shock. i nearly cried. i am not exactly sure what happened, i heard several stories. okechi either died of an aneurism or heart failure. the school brought in some "mental health professionals" to talk to the people who were close to him. some of my teachers allowed kids to postpone tests if they were too upset to take them. and yet, none of my friends were upset or even effect by his death. i guess i've just been so sensitive and raw lately. is there something wrong with me? am i not supposed to feel depressed by this? today i was really angered by other people's happiness. i really shouldn't be posting this on my blog. sorry to everyone who is happy right now. i don't want to bring you down.

listening to: dykehouse - chain smoking

show's over, folks

i'm partly glad to have more free time on my hands, partly relieved that i can forget all these lines, and then i'm partly anxious now that i have nothing to focus my energy on. also nothing to blame my late nights and dead days on... although i'm sure they'll keep happening. they always do. i really need to focus on getting everything done for school and college, and also get working on some new projects. as long as i always have a viewpoint to look forward to, a realistic short term goal, i'll be fine. i hope. it's the unrealistic short term goals that really get to me. i hope that things'll be all sorted out soon. right now i'm just looking ahead to thanksgiving break. i need some time to recharge. i wish for strength to all of us trying to get through a terrifyingly slow year.