i disappear! i disappear!

today was too long. i had two tests i'd completely forgotten about. my research paper research doesn't exist. i'm trying to stay silly. that is all.

listening to: frente! - jungle

you are asleep

I AM GOING TO BE SO STRONG.
i am gritting my teeth in preparation for the battle ahead. everything will turn out great. alone means nothing. i don't care about everyone who doesn't care. i hate all humanity. die die die die die or at least leave me in peace.
i have to find a bubble.
why am i posting this.

listening to: placebo - bulletproof cupid

a symphony that's you

i hate having to update when it's been a long time. i hate catching up. so this is what you are going to get:
i had a really good week.
now that that's over with.... i am so fucking stuffed full of curry turkey pita. sweet godddddd. morgan and i are more full this weekend than we ever are because our parents are in boston. sarah is staying with us, and we go out for every meal. what the hell else would we spend the weekend money on? well it is nice. i'm not used to so much food, though. on friday we saw the life aquatic again. i think i can safely say that IT IS EVEN BETTER A SECOND TIME. if you haven't gone, you are missing out. last night we saw the house of the flying daggers, and it was not so good. maybe i am really picky. but the plot was ridiculous. there were some pretty visuals, i guess... i liked the choreographed fight sequences, but that's about it. it was pretty silly. but i think it's necessary for me to see a silly movie once in a while so that i can remember they exist. i am spoiled rotten sometimes.
also. i know i've talked about it before, but recently i have not really had a chance to RAVE about how much i love last.fm. i encourage all of you to go get an account on it so that i can stalk you and look at what you're listening to. and you can stalk me.
i'm a loser.

listening to: kings of convenience - love is no big truth

you and me will be whirlwinds of danger

wriggle.
forgive me if i don't post much this week.
today is too long for me to be writing now.
i must flee.

listening to: kimya dawson - nobody's hippie

i sleep with one hand on my heart

WOOHOO I'VE SENT IT IN SIX COLLEGE APPLICATIONS! i am very proud. it took me fucking long enough to get them in. but whatever, it's done and i'm happy. now i just have to write two more essays and i'll be rolling in daisies. hoorah, hoorah.
katherine better win the scholastic writing competition.
today was fucking awful. many things were said. but everything worked out, i think. things happened that needed to happen. things were accomplished. the day is finally over, and i am so glad. this week will be better.

listening to: throwing muses - no way in hell

it's too warm inside your hands

friday was great. ada came to senior out to lunch at atlanta bread company with alice, brock, katherine, laylee, and me. the place was a bad idea, but it was pretty fun being loud and irritating to the east memphis stiffies. we screamed about sex and drugs. after school brock and i went to starbucks then davis-kidd to hang out with margaret. we called alice but she decided she didn't want to hang out. ada met us there, we spent forever standing in the cold parking lot trying to keep warm. fire and ice, babies. we made plans to see tarah, and in the meantime went to visit sick laylee at her house. we ate ice cream and looked at baby pigs. ada called LA for the second time that night, but she also pulled out. nothing was really going the way we'd planned, and i thought ada would be irritated, but she was not. which i am glad for. anyway, ada, brock, and i left for tarah's but on the way she called us and said something had come up but she'd call us when it was over. we wasted time and money at sonic, but listened to good music. stopped by my house for a bit. brock had to go home, so me and ada went driving. tarah never called, so we ended up outside atlanta bread company again smoking cigars. margaret called and said they'd missed their movie, and shortly thereafter, she, christie, and elizabeth joined the party. elizabeth couldn't stay long, and the rest of us went to ck's for a quick cup of coffee. christie had to get home, but margaret invited ada and i to come hang out at her house for a while. we cuddled up in her lovely room and talked for hours. we all lost track of time, for sure. ada finally dropped me off at home around 4:30, and at that exact moment my cell phone started ringing. my dad had discovered that i was not in bed. i made up some weird lie about being outside and talking on the phone. i'm not sure he bought it, but he didn't bring it up today, so i'm not worried. this morning i woke up at like 11:30. had some pasta. watched a lord of the rings special feature with morgan and mom. talked on the phone for a little bit. took a shower. went back to bed until like 6:15, at which point i ate some backyard burger. dad got me a cheeseburger. it was a cooked burger with grated cheese sitting on the top. unfathomable. then morgan and i went to the american musical review at our school to see newman in all his magical glory. i am totally in love with him. in contrast, everything else about it was very shitty and high school as expected. everyone was either showing off or just boring to watch. i spent a lot of the time laughing silently to myself. no offense to anyone in it or anyone who enjoyed it-- it's nearly impossible to have a good high school show, and i'm super critical about them for some reason. almost everything about those things pisses me off, from stoned, self-important techies to selection of songs to irritating people in the audience. oh man i can't help it. afterwards, dad picked me up. we had to drive duncan home. i like her. i watched yellow submarine with my parents. it is not anywhere near being the best beatles movie, and this time i enjoyed it less than i ever have before. i guess i was just in a really critical mood tonight. oh well. then i talked to brandon on the phone a while. i meant to go to bed right afterwards but look at this. here i am. i've already brushed my teeth and everything. sometimes i wonder why i keep this stupid blog, it just wastes my time and yours. now don't you feel silly for spending all that time reading this silly thing? yes you do. good night.

listening to: sleater-kinney - turn it on

smoke that tumbleweed

who drew the best research paper topic EVER? oh it's me.
"Sense and nonsense in Lewis Carroll's Jabberwocky and Alice in Wonderland."
fuckin a! oh yeah! i am really excited about it. i hope i can focus on it and be good.
in psychology, DJ, who graduated last year, came and talked for the full goddamn hour about being a student at univeristy of georgia. i learned so much psychology, it was amazing. who knew that georgians were white and republican? not me. i'm being dicky, it was pretty interesting. but really badly timed. the rest of the day was okay. school this week has been okay, which means pretty good, considering that everything's usually unbelievably bad. so i am in a good mood.
ALTHOUGH I TOOK ANOTHER FUCKING NAP TODAY AND SLEPT PAST 7 SO NOW I MISSED THE DAMN SCHOOL MUSICAL. I AM SO SORRY NEWMAN AND EILEEN. I'LL COME ON SATURDAY OR OSMETHING. I AM SORRY.

listening to: afroman - colt 45

singing songs till morning comes

today psychology was a nice nap. i wish i cared. ada showed up in school halfway through our lunch. she makes me incredibly happy. she is going to come with us for senior out to lunch on friday because she's just that lame. which i love. and hopefully after school we'll hang out and watch harold and kumar. if she makes other plans i will be sad. on thursday night i think i will go to the musical review at school to watch newman be adorable.
katherine, morgan, and i had lemongrass chicken and noodle thingies at pho saigon after school. it was nice. katherine has broken her fast. my fortune cookie was brilliant. it said, "a surprise treat awaits you." in bed. i am very excited.
i definitely didn't do any work yesterday, and i was supposed to catch up this afternoon, but i have an awful headache so i think i'll take a nap. woops!

listening to: cowboy junkies - blue guitar

living out of a box

today we want back to school. the first two classes were so fucking long. i don't know why i'm still alive after that bullshit. but english was nice because ms. wyatt brought us tea, and we might possibly be starting something interesting in psychology. of course, this is no cause for me to be doing any of my homework right now. instead i have piddled around all day. i had an oreo sonic blast, went to therapy, took a shower, bumbled. the usual. i guess i should go do something. and finish my college applications one day. why do all my posts read like this? everyone should go see the life aquatic because it's amazing. and has great music. i have a heart-shaped hole in my thumb.

listening to: liz phair - johnny sunshine

i'm a computer

taking a break from college applications, i remembered my true and undying love for these babies. thank god for cheap humor and the internet.

i want this to read like a letter

HAPPY NEW YEAR.
we got home a few hours ago. i opened the blogger window and stared blankly. now here i am again attempting to speak.
jackson was nice and awkward as usual, but it only lasted 1.3 days. alma, georgia and its inhabitants are the same as ever, too, but i had a better time than i usually do. i wonder why that is. i've decided i'm exaggerating. at least it leaves me with a nice memory. you can see pictures by my cousin rachel, morgan, and i at this location shortly.
i hope all you babies are having a great break.

listening to: weeping tile - in the road

hey dude

this is just a hello from my cousins' computer. i am in georgia. the sun is setting and the reflection in the not-pond is very pink and lovely. i'm alive. so are you. i hope everyone is having a great holiday break and will continue to do so. they're stealing me.

listening to: shitty madtv for some ungodly reason

have fun with my family and friends

the minnie proctor show last night was amazing. maybe i can post a little bitty sound clip of it for you later since so many people missed it. i'll have to ask for some permission though. and it depends on how my little files came out.
this morning my family celebrated christmas because we're leaving town later this afternoon. even if it didn't feel much like christmas, the night before was sort of normal. i crawled in bed around 1:15, couldn't sleep, phone call from 1:45 to 3:20, couldn't sleep until maybe 4, and then only got about 3 hours. woke up freezing cold and harassed the parents until they got out of bed. it was nice and classic. i made out with new pajamas, nail clippers, a beaded purse, a cLOUDDEAD album, frank black francis, the yeah yeah yeahs dvd, a russian movie i've never heard of called house of fools, and a muthafuckin laptop. hell yes. i am very happy about these things. and now i'm uber-hyper.
check out this creepy shit... stalkers scare me.

listening to: the moldy peaches - i wanna be a hulkamaniac

i wanna have all the toys

tonight is the minnie proctor show at the full moon club, in the upstairs of zinnie's east on madison. if you can manage to escape your house, come witness the mad skillz of becca, hunter, and paul. i recommend it. risk your life to support the music.

listening to: ringo starr - i wanna be santa claus

he move me and the chains changed

today is nothing but ice and misery. i'm trying to make myself work on applications, but i'm a whiny baby and i need someone to hold my hand and tell me what to say. i've been avoidantly making charts to look like i've accomplished something and tittering through things i've already finished. when i stop caring altogether, i snack on wheat thins stacked with monterey jack cheese, sip some DP, and listen to kristin hersh. i've become enthralled (again) with her early Muses work. i live in cycles. we used to be funny. one day we'll find it again.

listening to: throwing muses - cry baby cry

slide slide slippity slide

who the fuck knew chan marshall could sing r&b style hip hop? man. i'm impressed with this song... but it's true that i'm either going to marry prince paul or dan the automator. it's just obvious now.

listening to: handsome boy modeling school feat. cat power - i've been thinking

just the way the operation made me

i am eating cheez-its. i love cheez-its.
today was difficult but i bought a chai. it wasn't as good as normal. that's too bad.

listening to: the dresden dolls - girl anachronism

cmon back to me right now

it's really late. my chest aches, and i should sleep. i should finish christmas presents and shopping. i should be doing my college applications. i should finish this dr pepper.
i hate everything.
we finally got our christmas tree today. mom even started the ornaments. dad put some lights up outside too while i ate grilled cheese. LA, laylee, alice, and wenli picked me up around 1 to go get-up shopping at victoria's secret in peabody place. nobody could find anything that fit except for alice. how depressing is that when you go to a store that supposedly specialize in all that mess, and only one in five people can even wear the damn sizes. that settles it. i'm only wearing custom-made bras from now on.
i bought a chai at starbucks. soon i'll implode.
we went into some clothes store that depressed me. i'm really no good at being a girl, although it was nice to pretend for a few minutes today and talking about girly things all afternoon at chick-fil-a. one day i'll either learn or just give up entirely.

listening to: the breeders - do you love me now?

i am good enough for someone

i was late to the yuletide extravaganza because i'm a mess, and i didn't find a real ride. so i bummed with mouse and morgan to the paradiso where they were seeing a movie and then walked to alice's house. i missed the entire concert part. i did get a couple bagel bites during the after party though. katherine drove me home. we blasted "killing in the name of" and looked hot and punk-ass in our formal wear. then we watched ashlee simpson music videos. what is life?
i figured i would post the rodent carols just for old time's sake. and by that, i mean i want to come back and laugh at them in a year.

to the tune of The Christmas Song, aka Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire
Hamsters singing in a rodent choir
I didn't know your mother sews
Yet on each paw, there's a glove made of straw
Cold hamsters... we are

Hamsters stacking up the Yule-logs higher
Or else we will soon be froze
The sticks are a-burnin', but soon we will be learnin'
Not to stand too close to a fire.

Hamsters toasting at an open fire
We feel danger coming close
Move out of the way or a price we will pay
AAAGHHHHHHH, oh no.

Hamsters roasting on a funeral pyre
We are feeling rather poached
Flames lick my fur as I turn to ember
I'm a goner....
I'm toast.


to the tune of O Little Town of Bethlehem
O little mouse of Bethlehem
Tempted by the brie
Satan's wish did lure you in
Under the Christmas tree

As you were getting closer,
You saw the darker side
You thought you ordered a soul mate
You got a mail order bride

O little mouse of Bethlehem
O so sadly decieved
The Christmas spirit is gone away
No longer in pine leaves

But before you turn to druid
You must look closer now
I see a sticky fluid
Flowing from evergreen boughs

O Hallelujah, Hallelujah
This tree is for real!
It's not plastic or operatic
It's not a Wal-Mart deal

Drawn by tree of knowledge
O you can have it all!
It smelled good from over here
But that was Eve's downfall

O little mouse of Bethlehem
You finally found the source
The cheese is now within your grasp
A fitting final course

THE TRAP IS SLOWING CLOSING
ENCROACHING ON YOUR TAIL
WHILE OTHER JUDGES MIGHT BE KIND
THIS TRIP WON'T ACCEPT BAIL
*SNAP!*

listening to: throwing muses - solar dip

i'm in the fire

school's finally out but nothing feels different. at least not yet. we took our last exams today, then alice, brock, and i went to starbucks where i had my millionth chai. brock went home feeling sick, i came home to sink into a sleep. however katherine called and saved me. we talked on the phone before she came over and we just hung out a while. seeing her is so great, and i am so lucky to have such a great friend. then we went to dinner with my family at bosco's. having katherine there was a nice addition to the conversation. we're a silly family at restaurants, i guess. my mom told ridiculous baby stories and got loud and hysterical. i love it. and i love creme brulee. we came home, and katherine and i wrote some silly rodent-themed parodies of christmas songs which will be performed tomorrow at the yuletide extravaganza at alice's house at 2pm. be there babies.

listening to: pj harvey - snake