(this post was actually written late at night a few days ago, but blogger keeps going down when i try to post it.)

god i've been totally neglecting my blog this week.... my eyes are falling out right now, but i really wanted to post about the tori/bed show. on monday we woke up early, picked up elise, and drove to atlanta. we made it in less than 7 hours, when we had been anticipating 8. we ate at chick-fil-a and played spot-the-tori-fan. we got to the show relatively early, which was nice because parking was incredibly difficult. the show was in an outdoor amphitheatre in the middle of this park. we had pretty good seats -- they were the best ones left when dad ordered them. elise and morgan got shirts right as we entered, and dad got the new ben folds EP. he's doing this thing where he just releases a bunch of EPs in a row instead of albums, which i think is really really stupid because i loathe EPs. i think whoever invented EPs is an idiot asshole. why the fuck would i want to buy an EP which is the equivalent of less than half an album, or contains a few songs already on an LP plus a couple obscure tracks that the band didn't like enough to put on the real record. what the fuck. who wants to waste money on that shit. so fuck ben folds' EP idea, because i think it's shit. i wouldn't buy 5 damn ben folds EPs when i could just buy 2 albums. and anyway i wouldn't buy his albums in the first place, so there's no issue here. anyway. elise got a green ben folds shirt that says "rock this bitch" and morgan got the tori amos lottapianos tour shirt, which is very cute. after i show i got the "crazy" tori shirt, which is nice but i actually saw somebody with a shirt i would've liked better. i should've checked out the other booth. ah well. ANYWAY. so once we found our seats and got settled in we barely had to wait at all before ben folds came out, very unceremoniously. i liked his nonchalance about the whole thing he seemed very geek, which i like as well. but he was also a total performer -- he managed to have a rockstar stance, even sitting/standing at the piano bench. something i'm still trying to figure out whehter i liked or not: he was solo, so it was just him and the piano obviously. sometimes he'd try to get the audience to sing the horn parts or something on the songs, and teach them to us before the song and then sort of try to cue us in when the time came. it was fun and all, i guess, but i hate that it was an imitation of hte studio versions of the songs. if he wanted saxophone, why didn't he bring along his saxophonist friends? the more i think about it the more it bugs me. the crowd was obviously NOT there for ben folds... there was a lot of chitchat during his set, and through the whole thing people were still coming in and out. it really bugged me that people were being so disrespectful, and elise kept saying "I HATE THIS CROWD!" when people weren't incredibly enthusiastic about singing the horn bits, or hearing certain songs or something. i thought that was very silly. what can you expect from a crowd wanting to see tori amos? i don't think that a lot of tori fans are big ben folds fans, and for a lot of people those are two very different kinds of music. ben folds is, in a lot of ways, totally opposite from tori. as stated, he's a total geeky little performer guy and he stood on the piano and tried to make us sing along and all that. his lyrics are nice, but very opposite from tori's style (and i'm sorry, i absolutely love her lyrics). same with his piano skillz. he played for about an hour, and it was nice, but i really don't like him any more than i did before the show.... which isn't all that much. i, like most of the kids there, know a few ben folds songs but am not that greatly intruiged by them. he's a whiny white guy, what else is there to say? elise said that his set was very good, and i trust her because she knew every song he played. i can't find a list of the songs right now, but they should put one up at this site soon. anyway. bravo, ben folds. you were a funny kid.
we didn't have to wait long at all before tori came onstage. before she entered, there was a ‘voiceover' kinda deal of "wampum prayer" before the band came in. they started to play before tori flittered out onto the stage wearing ... well she looked like a little flame from where we were. she was in orange and yellow...? i remember how it looked in my head, but i can't translate it into real colors, oddly enough. she opened with "a sorta fairytale" which seemed so very obvious, but i didn't really mind. she played a LOT from scarlet's walk. in the past when i've seen bands/artists promoting their new album, they don't tend to play THAT much material from it. in fact, she didn't play anything from choirgirl... it was like when ani played nothing from not a pretty girl when i saw her at new daisy. oh well, it was okay. unlike with the ani situation, choirgirl is NOT my favorite album, by far. the set was really good, though as i said, a little too much scarlet for me. i wish i could've seen her a few years ago... oh well, too bad for me. i wish i was older. i won't go into it right now because then i'd just get depressed about missing the entire riot grrrl movement. ohhhh. anyway. the way they were set up, tori had one main piano and she could turn around on the bench(?) and play another piano, or a keyboard. sometimes she played two different ones at once, and it was quite awesome. there were times when just the band would be playing and she sort of supported herself on the two pianos, with her back to the audience... like i've read, a tori show is a very magical experience. i loved hearing different versions of familiar songs -- she played some classic solo ones with the band, and some classic band ones solo, so change is good. the lighting was very high-tech, also. i really love lighting at shows, because i think that even if it's cheap as shit, it can be really powerful. no lighting is nice too, but you know what i mean. it's just so very *rockstar* and i love that kind of thing. i'd love to do lights for a muisican. or be a roadie. or be in a fucking band. where is my damn band? somebody come over and bring any sick excuse for an instrument that you have got. anyway i guess it would be really sickening for me to go through the whole set list, when you can read it here. elise knew about 7 songs, i think, not counting the covers -- "i'm on fire" by bruce springsteen, "nights in white satin" by the moody blues, and an improv break into "feel the earth move" by carole king, in the middle of tori's song "take to the sky." i think elise would've at least recognized some more songs if she'd been listening to the albums we played in the car all the way to atlanta, but that's not my problem. the last song of the set was "precious things" which was amazing of course. that's a really intense song, and as it turns out, even more so live, what with tori grabbing her crotch and singing/playing a lot more fiercely than the album version. i think on the first few listens to that song, it's really easy to miss the anger, which is such the driving force for the song. oh and also during "father lucifer" (SO glad she played that!) she gave the finger to the "girls who eat pizza and never gain weight" which i loved, because it's a great line, even though it made me feel silly for being skinny. hahaa oh well. she left the stage briefly, and of course returned shortly, with two songs for an encore. first she played "god" which also felt a little obvious. she also fucked up one of the lines, which was amusing, and later in the song, instead of "god, sometimes you just don't come through," sang "tori, sometimes you just don't come through, girl." that was amusing. then she played "mary" and left the stage again. i'm very glad she came back for a second encore, because i think "mary" would've been a very disappointing close for hte evening. she came back and played an uber-long version of "space dog" featuring the andromeda improv opener, which made me REALLY happy. i'd sort of vibed for her to play that all night. that and "doughtnut song" which she played directly after. and right after THAT, as the final song, she played "your cloud" (which is the song that reprsents Memphis on teh scarlet's walk album) so i think i was just sending subliminal messages to tori through that end bit. it was a sweet little close. all in all, she'd only played one song i didn't know -- a b-side called "tombigbee" which i quite enjoyed. 8/24 songs from scarlet which has been my least favorite album, actually, but maybe i'll appreciate it more after having heard/seen some of it live. i have much better appreciation for the song "nights in white satin" now that i have heard tori's version. well okay. maybe not appreciation. but tori can make anything sound sincere, genuine, and beautiful (instead of the world's cheesiest piece of shit song ever). i was SO glad that she played "bells for her," also, because i'd really been in the mood for that one in the car on the way to atlanta earlier that day. also the way she ennunciates "blaaaan-ket" in the live version is so lovely. oh tori i hardly knew ye. why did you go and leave me? she played only 3 songs from pele which really is my favorite album, i think, even thoguh all the critics say it is the most "challenging" and "difficult" one. they like to generalize it because it's the one that was made after tori broke up with an important boyfriend, the way that they generalize jagged little pill into being so intensely angry. fucking critics. i'd be the best critic ever. not really, because my reviews would end up being exactly like this. i like that tori's b-sides are just as important as her album tracks. most of them are b-sides because they didn't want to be on the albums, according to tori. she played 4 of those, and i was proud to know 3 of them. the tori audience is, as i have discovered, NOT a dancing one. maybe it was just the venue or something, but we remained in our seats the whole time. i would've liked to stand for part of the time, maybe, but i would've been blocking the view for kids behind me and i didn't want to be rude. maybe we were just in the wrong part of the crowd, or something. but the dancing mostly consisted of rocking back and forth in one's seat. the amphitheatre sported 2 huge-screen TVs on either side of the stage, and they had quite a few nice close-ups of tori looking incredibly elfish and beautiful. i really enjoyed her solo set (3 songs) in the middle of the show, but i thought the band was great fun to watch. the bassist sometimes played this crazy thing that looked like a tiny upright bass.... no idea what that was. and sometimes the drummer played with mallets, rather than sticks. he also could play the bongos with one hand and the maracas with the other, which probably isn't that great, but impressed the hell out of me.
the show was amazing, and i'm so glad we went. it was really strange getting in the car afterwards, where we'd actually been listening to "father lucifer" on boys for pele and sort of thinking "wow this voice was just a human flame on that stage." or maybe it was just really late and i was tired. we stopped at some gas station to eat food and change into our uniforms before falling asleep on the long trip back to memphis. and at school, i wasn't even that tired. imagine that.

listening to: tori amos - the doughnut song
(dear god, go download this song. okay at least read the lyrics. it's amazing.)

this weekend has been the media co-op film festival! i forgot to post it, but on thursday night "get up" and "untouchable face" were shown in a shorts program. last night, after all the films had been shown, WE WON A $400 GRANT FOR UNTOUCHABLE FACE AOGPWHPOHWHIADEOHPOAIHSGPEH

we're thinking of investing in a robot to do all our homework for us, so that we'll actually have time to make movies.

many many many thanks to the media co-op + the judges + everybody else that ever took us seriously. we love you forever.

i just talked to brock on the phone while lying on the windowsill again. it was very nice. supposedly i looked "different" last night when we were hanging out, but who knows.
becca and laylee are supposed to come over at some point today, but who knows.
tomorrow is the tori amos/ben folds concert in atlanta. elise is going in place of my mom, who decided she can't miss anymore work. i don't know how excited elise is about the show, but it would be really hard to find someone else to go this last minute. i think she's worried about getting back to school on time, too. but the show should be lovely. i can't wait to come to school completely drained on tuesday. woowoo.

listening to: audra + the antidote - the highschool song

i truly need to marry frank black. i bought his cd last night. speaking of, last night/yesterday post-school was absolutely beautiful. school itself was pretty shit, and i was not in the best mood. they changed my schedule. not too drastically, but now i have study hall in 4th period and jennings in 7th, which i do NOT like at all. that means that i have to think after history. i loved having c lunch and then only one class after that. so i'm depressed now. AND becca doesn't have lunch with me, brock, katherine d, and sallis anymore. they fucked up her whole schedule but couldn't manage to slip her into any of my classes. it's way too depressing to think about.
obviously i had a not-great day, except for that the mystery girl was my lab partner and that was very nice. i pretended to know what i was doing. i think i must come off to her as much more confident and way smarter than i am. i've been doing really well on the worksheets in there, and she... has not. oh well, she still talks to me for lack of other things to do. i want to talk to her about music but i don't know how to bring it up. oh well maybe i'll randomly make her a mix.
allison and i both made 75s on the angela's ashes test. allison's theory is that ms. wexler hates blacks and punks. we'll never win. however, i made a 93 on the grapes of wrath test. (wexler couldn't weasel her way out of that one -- it was scantron.) i think my algae test went okay, also. i'm doing pretty good in there so far. i need to shut up about school now before i die.
so after school i was left all alone in our normal spot for like 15 minutes in the rain. it was really depressing as well. i remembered that allison had told me about everyone going to el mezcal, by davis-kidd, after school and sort of invited me only i was thinking about it as one of those "you can come if you want" kind of things that are just open to everyone and i never go. but i was sitting there alone and i realized that that was where everyone was. and i was lonely, so i got dad to take me over there. nice ole dad. so i had a nice non-lunch (not my fault that i actually FINISHED my bagel for once, at real lunch!) with allison, elizabeth, lauren henry and her sister, brock, jenny, katherine w, nisha, meg, and christie. afterwards, allison organized brock, jenny, and me into power ranges, which elizabeth filmed on her digi. then elizabeth took allison back to her home, which is in the Forest Lakes ghetto, in the middle of a forest, on an otter, in a lake. quite snazzy. then she was going to take everyone else home, but we were like "let's doo something!" only brock had told his mom that we were going to be at my house, so she took us there. i thought that she was then going to leave with jenny, but no! it was happy and everyone came into our hell hole house and had a partay. we looked at the old 6th grade grahamwood yearbook and watched some movie things and had something of a BRA meeting (too bad katherine d wasnt there). jenny's mom and brother ross came to get her, and we showed them some film stuff. she told jenny that if she didn't want to leave, she could stay longer so that was very happy and she did. at some point elise called and an hour or so later, she and robin showed up. a little while after that, jenny got hungry so we went to taco bell/starbucks to find some food. i called margaret, so she, christie, katherine w, and ronnie met up with us there. we loitered in the parking lot and it was too much fun. it felt very movie, because of the huge amount of people, and i was very hyper. brock's mom had to come get him at 9:15 because she wanted to sleep, and she refuses to go to bed until he gets home. a little while after that, christie, katherine, and margaret took ronnie home. while they were away, the rest of us walked across the street to walgreens. we hung out in the makeup aisle for a really long time and i felt out of place, so i walked over to the diapers and called laylee. she didn't pick up, though. then i walked around alone for a while and played with the dancing hamsters. eventually, christie called and told us that they were at turtle's. we walked over there which was somewhat silly, because that meant that we'd have to later walk the 10 minutes back to the car at 10pm down poplar... oh well, that's life and no one listens to moi. but only two cars honked at us, so i guess life is good. we hung out at turtle's for a bit, and i bought frank black's 'teenager of the year' which i do not regret at all. margaret got yeah yeah yeahs (YAYYY) and lucinda williams (i think). there was this GREAT little girl listening to headphones and rapping. i smiled at her but it probably freaked her out. that's life though. so christie piled everyone, minus katherine and margaret, into her car and drove us back to elizabeth's and elise's cars, where we then disolved into Midtown and East Memphis cars and went our separate ways.
the night was really great, but there were actually a lot of things that just got sort of grated my nerves. it was like that even more when i got home and got online... it's kind of hard to explain how i had such a great time and yet still gt annoyed at shit constantly. i think it had to do with the fact that there were so many people, so somebody could do something slightly annoying while 2 other people were doing something happy so i ended up mostly okay. that was basically it. the end.
i woke up at 11am today and spent all day on and off the phone with brock. (i also got to talk to becca briefly, and she is going to come record tomorrow. yayyy!) he got over here eventually, in the early evening, armed with watercolor paper and paints. brock, morgan, and i sat around watching old school 90s music videos while he messed with paints, and listened to shirley q. liquor, and ate some brownies. mom kept offering to take us somewhere, but we never thought of anything. at one point we went back to my room hoping to call someone and get out of the house for a while, but we got kind of distracted. eventually brock called margaret while i got out of my pajamas, but she didn't answer and he didn't leave a message. then we sat on my window ledge for a bit until we fell out, naked, because we were drunk, followed by our heroin junkie friends and some coppas. luckily we landed in my pool. but my glasses got damn wet. unfortunately, our heroin friends drowned and died, but brock and i managed to get back into the house. he decided that sitting on the window ledge had hurt his back anyway, so he lay on my bed and i lay on the window ledge. we talked for a long time and it was tres beautiful. it was a really nice night, and i'm very glad i got to see him. i wish he could've been here longer, but i always do. his mom came far too early, at around 9 again. i loaded him off with all his birthday gifts from last weekend, and as he was walking out the door he said "maybe i'll call your later." it was very post-sex and quite hilarious. unfortunately, he was "too tired" to do that when he got home so it didn't happen. bastard. men are all the same.

listening to: frank black - freedom rock
(did i mention how GREAT teenager of the year is? i will seriously make copies for any of you guys you want it, because it is amazing. dear god, PLEASE let me burn it for you.)
HOW CAN YOU FREE ME? HOW CAN YOU FREE ME? WHEN I AM FREE? I AM FREE!

"Announcing auditions for Our Own Voice Theatre Troupe's new play, Good Time Speech (Well Correspondence)!

Auditions will be:
2-4 PM Saturday, September 13
12-2 PM Sunday, September 14
at TheatreWorks, 2085 Monroe in Overton Square.

Many roles are available for actors and dancers of all ages and experience levels. The show will run October 31-November 9 at TheatreWorks."

this show is supposed to be a party... the more people, the better. so i am encouraging one and all to come "audition" if you can really call it that. it's just hanging out with the Our Own Voice people and seeing what it's all about. so yay. this play should be very interesting. please come, kiddies!

today was one of those days that when you look back on it, you could make it sound REALLY good because there were several really nice little moments. but unfortunately you didn't pay enough attention to them at the time and they didn't seem like that big of a deal. so it doesn't really add up. i was thinking about doing another list of happy momentos but i so did that a post ago. well.
i flitted all around school before homeroom this morning. i did my happy jump thingie on elise and sallis's shoulders. (to me it's happy. it probably isn't to anyone else. i've never had anyone do it to me, so i hope it isn't painful.... alack! someone tell me if it is.) i also ended my day with happy jump thingie into laylee and kevin. reading "the scarlet letter" for english has become a homeroom activity... but at least it feels like i make progress with a chapter a day ho ho ho. in chemistry, i didn't get the chance to say hey to the mystery girl until after class, but we walked along together until she split for band. there was a little bit of silent space, which i didn't MIND exactly but i hated not having something to say. i'm new with this meeting people thing. especially when i am not the more shy person. help help help me out here.
we had a fire drill in third period. that was super exciting. allison and i just stood around and she sang her theme song to her not-tv show. "THIS IS THE ALLISON FORD SHOW, YOU BITCH ASS HO!" and somebody's car alarm went off for about 40 years while we stood on the practice field. excitement out the frame. in algae, we took a word problems test. i kept that mutha for the whole period and i was probably the last person to turn it in. so i hope that i did okay. for some reason i like to do okay in math. i was sad because i didn't have my regular walk to fifth period with becca, i don't know where she was. but i saw tarah for about 2 seconds, which was really nice since i nevah evah see her. latin was hilarious as always. it was really funny when we checked homework, because meg had copied mine and she answered the first question. and ms. lafon was like "MEG YOURE A GENIUS." and she was like "i know." whahahaha. funny to me anyway.
lunch was great because allison's fifth period class took a test so they had c lunch with us. she was hilarious as always. there was much throwing of food and genius wittiness by allison and myself. we're punk as fuck, i don't know how we do it. lunch felt long today, too. before history, i danced around the classroom and sang devo. i was incredibly hyper. we did a roleplay kinda thing today with the british vs. the colonists which was funnish. i worked up my nerve to go talk to ms. ervin after school today, but it's a wednesday so she was off at faculty junt. she's very intimidating, but i like her. elizabeth turner joined study hall fun today, but mr. myers or whoever reassigned seats. sad face. elizabeth and margaret sit in the same row, a couple back from me. so we're not too far apart. sometimes the ms. reagin's theatre class is on the stage (i have no idea why) but they close the curtains. today i could hear kevin doing some skit with his big loud funny voice. ohhh that was happy. then when i went outside after school, becca, laylee, and kevin were standing in a little row. and all at once they told me that they were leaving but all at once laylee grabbed my shirt from the middle, becca kissed my left cheek, and kevin kissed my right palm. it was beautiful and every day should be so lovely. lalala in heaven.
i've concluded that i'm shrinking. or maybe brock is growing impossibly tall. but last year katherine made me feel like i was shrinking, so i don't know. brock said i probably just have very bad posture, which was so comforting you know. but i love after-school time with brock and robin and lauren henry and allison. it's just like old times. le sigh.
i got a package from brandon. 3 cds - Kaytee Bodle, Atom and his Package's A Society of People Named Elihu and Hamn's Hamn the Man!
notes-- what i listened to of kaytee is okay, i like some songs a lot more than others. it's just 18 songs that brandon downloaded and put onto a cd, because i don't think she has her own.
hamn is brandon's band. this is a five-track EP featuring only 2 songs that i recognized - "From AIDS To Caviar" and "Gothica/Hats Off To Strap-Ons"
i am so in love with atom. this is my fourth atom and his package cd. it's really good - his second album, from 1997. in some ways it's a lot more fun in just a completely goofy way, if that's possible. maybe it's just the fact that he was younger and just starting out and whatnot. so i get this cd and i go to check out atom's website. and it says that his last show EVER is in philly on friday night. i'm devestated. atom, i hardly knew thee. i hope that he starts a new career right away because i don't know if i can hold up. well i still have one more album to buy. and a couple EPs. and all the merch.

listening to: kaytee bodle - shook me off

you sick cow. you are mr. devine's stalker. you've
been abusing the restraining order, and if you
throw yourself on his cousin's car one more
time, you will be executed promptly.


What is Your Relationship With Kill Hannah?
brought to you by Quizilla


saw kill hannah on saturday night for brittany's birthday party. fucking awesome.

this is a new layout. i don't know that i like it.

WHY YESTERDAY WAS GREAT

-it was brock's birthday and i gave him prezzies in his homeroom
-i learned the mystery girl's name (but i don't want to type it because i might misspell it)
-we made eye contact (i tried to smile but i dont know that it worked)
-becca came back to school
-i failed an ap english test
-i found laylee in the hall inbetween classes
-i failed a latin test
-i was uber-hyper at lunch
-i brought brock a birthday cake (marshmallow)
-wexler's fifth period had c lunch with us
-i gave margaret a happy hug in the middle of the classroom, featuring a leg lift
-i literally failed an ap history test, with a whopping 55
-margaret is now in my study hall
-i stood on the brick wall and became tall
-brock made a new song for SlalkdKiagheIagheNgdeKaeo gihAasd;RweioDeoi hgCweoigYsegSjoigeT after school
-his cousin watched us dance from her car for 15 minutes
-lauren gave smurf blowjobs
-allison beat me up
-brock came over sorta unannounced, armed with 10 balloons
-we sat around gloriously
-kevin brought laylee over, and the four of us made merry in the front yard
-kevin PICKED ME UP AND SPUN ME AROUND and i love him
-kevin let me throw grass at him and put sticks in his hair
-if laylee and i were left alone at the right temperature, we would melt together, since we fit together so perfectly already.
-brock spun around wearing my bed sheet, destroyed my room, and collapsed on the floor in a muddling mess
-we listened to chumbawumba
-margaret (with christie and katherine w waiting in the car) invaded my home, and loved it
-brock came in through the bathroom window protected by a silver spoon
-laylee wore a pretty bra, which was stolen. but she put on my doctor who shirt on top of it.
-brock donated one of his birthday balloons to margaret, which she tied to her car
-there were no seats for me so i had to ride in the Penalty Box (trunkish) and i flew across the car every time we turned a corner. i was in heaven
-margaret was playing midnite vultures by beck, which happened to be one of the cds i gave to brock earlier that day
-i got to hang out with katherine, who i don't know very well, and it was quite lovely
-i tricked laylee into kissing me (she was heading for my cheek and i turned my head. mwahahahhaaha!)
-i made brock hold hands with me for about a block because i adore his faucets
-we ate at huey's, and katherine wrote "happy birthday, brock" on the wall
-we had gang wars with the kids at the table next to us
-christie had a hissy when her food was like an hour late, and scattered onion rings across the table
-margaret, christie, and i laughed until we died
-brock's mother's credit card paid for everyone's dinners
-we sat around on somebody's stoop
-brock made flowers fall on us. it was beautiful but christie kept taking them out of my hair.
-we got to have happy post-11o'clock curfew night
-we listened to pete yorn's musicforthemorningafter on the way to margaret's house
-margaret drove us off two cliffs and it was insanely fun (especially for me in the Penalty Box) but damaged her car in the process
-we sat around margaret's room and it was like Girl Talk hilarity with christie trying to make prank calls and brock sitting in the corner reading about art
-margaret has the beautifulest, pinkest room
-i played with brock's hair while laylee tickled my back and it was heaven
-brock ended Girl Talk and we put on 'strangers with candy' dvd thing, but only got to watch one hilarious episode because
-the power flickered on and off so we watched the weather channel. there were thunderstorm warnings. it was the ghost of supastorm 2003, coming back to haunt brock's birthday a month later.
-we put up the blinds, turned off the lights, and huddled around watching the wind, rain, and lovely lightning.
-katherine wanted to have a seance, and i was all for it, but nobody else was too keen.
-christie couldn't drive to get her contact case from meg's house, because of the storm, and she couldn't very well drive me home so i was invited to spend the night at margaret's along with everyone else. however, brock's mom wouldn't let him and freaked out
-becca called laylee in a tizzy because she was home alone and horrified of the storm. laylee called her mom to come get herself and brock after the storm passed over. this wasn't a very happy thing, but at least they got to wait around for a while before galloping off into the moonrise and i got to see laylee's mother's new car.
-even though the storm passed and whatnot, i got to spend the night at margaret's and sleep in her lovely bed in her beautiful, pink room with katherine and christie
-i LOVE hugs

ALL IN ALL, it was a grand day and i hope i didn't leave anything out.
i wish that we had gone outside and danced in the rain.

from pitchforkmedia.com....
"Alternative Tentacles has reported that Chicago's most prolific street singer, Wesley Willis, peacefully passed away yesterday evening in his hometown. Willis, who suffered from schizophrenia and Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia, was brought to a Chicago hospital to undergo emergency surgery at the beginning of June to supress some internal bleeding, but his health had reportedly been deteriorating since. He was 40 years old.

Wesley Willis' recordings were strikingly unique, a textbook example of what music journalist Irwin Chusid has termed "outsider music" due to its similarities to outsider and folk art. Willis began to gain national recognition for his unusual songs-- on which he was often notoriously backed only by a Casio keyboard-- that routinely paid homage to musicians whose work he appreciated. He managed to score minor hits in the early-to-mid 90s with two of these, "Alanis Morissette" and "Kurt Cobain".

Jello Biafra-- ex-Dead Kennedys mouthpiece, Alternative Tentacles founder and dear friend to Wesley-- stated in a press release today that Willis "will go down as one of the most unique songwriters and entertainment personalities in history. His music, lyrics, drawings, insight and the way he put them together are like no one else. Ever. There will never be another."

Willis recorded more than fifty full-length albums for various labels during his lifetime, the most recent of which, Full Heavy Metal Jacket, was released via the Artist Workshop label in 2001. He has also released two greatest hits CDs, with a third volume due out on Alternative Tentacles in October."


this is depressing.

cursive


what saddle-creek band are you
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mom lost her credit card a while ago. she thought it was just lying around the house, but when she couldn't find it by monday she cancelled it. as it turns out, she'd lost it somewhere and someone spent all the money we had in the bank. like mom said, it hasn't really hit me yet that we are broke. i guess i should plan not to buy the birthday presents i owe, and donate my dollars to food or something. i don't know what to do. so i'm going to finish my vanilla coke.

listening to: heavens to betsy - paralyzed

hello all. realized after sickenly long last post that i forgot to do a little conclusion of my summer whatnot. i guess it is appropriate now, even if we have already had a week of school. *ahem.*
so my summer. it was actually very good. i didn't regret anything that i did, but i regretted not doing a few things, like working more on movies and going to the beach and gettin me sum summah lovin.
.....
but in all seriousness. it was quite good, really. and it actually did feel relatively long. i mean, i think back and "here and now" seems like six years ago. in a lot of ways it flew by, but in a lot of ways it was very long. i still wish i could say that i did at least one interesting thing every day, but.... maybe next year. i'm not that popular yet aoighahgaopiwha where is my cult followin?! fuck get this party started! i can't think of anything else to say about my summer yet. i'm glad that i got to see laylee and becca and kevin a little bit.... i wouldve liked to see each of them a bit more though, but i guess i don't really fit in right with them. and then of course i didn't do any camps or anything, but i never do and mom always wishes that i would. everybody made me regret not doing rhodes writing camp, even though i probably would've hated it. i should've at least gone and hung out at the pool, and i am a total loser for not doing that. i wish i'd seen more of margaret and meg, and i really wish i could get to know katherine w (she hugged me three times at becca's gig! wowza!! i LOVE hugs!!!!). i had one amazing night this summer with margaret (some of the night with meg, also) but it was like.. the friday before we started school, and i wish we'd done more. i loved the fountain days, and i loved the month when laylee spent the night with me on tuesdays. i loved the supastorm. that was a joke. i hated the power being out, but i actually really enjoyed getting to talk to brock on the phone so much that week. i loved my inbox full of brock emails. i loved everybody getting blogs. i loved helping people with their damn blogs. i am so in love with how DOY has flourished, and i'm so proud of the progress everybody on there has made, and of all the new members, and just everything about everything. this list could probably go on for 30 years, and it probably will. i think i'll add some more later.
today was incredibly hot. the high was 108 fucking degrees. and we still sat outside at lunch. hot damn. literal.
the day mostly went by pretty quickly. i got a few chances to talk to becca, which i loved. i love holding her beautiful hand on the way to fifth period. today elise was going the same direction as us, which is funny because we'd never walked with her before. in chemistry, i didn't say hi to the mystery girl... i'm ashamed of myself. she snuck into her seat while i was getting something out of my backpack, and then i didn't really make an effort to say hi after class. but neither did she... sigh. maybe it just wasn't meant to be. OF COURSE IT WAS MEANT TO BE. SHE KNOWS MY NAME AIOPHWGEPOGHWE. I WILL TALK TO HER TOMORROW. maybe.
i hate ap u.s. and i want to kill it with a stick. i really like the teacher though. i have no idea. i don't really know what's going to happen. i mean, i'm stuck in the class so. we'll see.
i had my second session of therapy today. i was like half an hour late but we still talked for almost an hour. i hadn't done my "assignments" so i have been assigned them again. it was kind of nice talking to her, but i still feel a little silly. i don't know what else to say right now. i have a headache. i don't think i'm so sick anymore. ah well.

listening to: mutant space bats of doom - operation instruction

i feel like theres a lot to say since it's been a while since my last post... well i got all my summer work done hahaa. school has started and it's pretty crappy. i don't have classes with half the people i wish i did. there's no one in my classes that i'd like to get to know, except for the mystery girl in chemistry. i've noticed her from afar for 2 years and now she's in a class of mine. all week noticed her sitting the next row to the right, a few desk back, and straight on till morning. on friday we had class in the lab, and i had forgotten so i accidentally went to the normal classroom. i'd turned around and was heading into the main building when this beautiful fragile tinkling voice said "alanna?" and i turned around and it was her. she knows my NAME. she SAID my name. she APPROACHED ME. she asked where class was, and she followed me a few steps and then we walked side by side, and then i followed her. she asked if i wanted to be partners in lab, but coach brooks separated us. scowl. ANYWAY that was about the only eventful thing that happened this week. oh i should type my schedule yay.

homeroom - owens (used to be with brock but they moved him. tears.)
2nd - chemistry - brooks (mystery girl)
3rd - AP english - wexler (allison)
4th - algebra 2 - jennings (i don't really talk to anyone, but channa and hannah mcgowin are in there)
5th - latin 3 - lafon (everyone on earth that ever took latin, but i just talk to meg)
c lunch with brock, becca, katherine d, and sallis
6th - AP u.s. history - ervin (margaret, elise)
7th - study hall (nobody is in here, which is probably good because i get a lot done. margaret might end up there though if she drops marketing)


not very great schedule. ah well. i'm glad to have study hall as my last class though. but it's SO weird because i only have 1 class after lunch. last year i had 2 and a half. it's just very different. i'm really upset that i don't see laylee at ALL in the day unless i go find her before homeroom, and she doesn't get to school that early. there's so many people that i wish i saw more... i'm afraid (like alice, i discovered) that not having classes with people will distant us.
after the first day (a half day of classes) elise, brock, becca, sallis, and i had lunch at sonic. sallis had to leave, but the rest of us went to becca's house and listened to her 4-track recording of her song "hair" over and over. we ended up deciding to make a music video for it (YAYYYY) and i'm very excited. then we had some normal Week activities. thennn on thursday, becca and brock came over after school. we messed around with ideas for the "hair" video and decided on an effect that like. it was something i had been messing with the day before... kind of choppy and sped up. i'll put up a clip soon. also, becca recorded her two newest songs onto my computer, and even i am amazed out how well the quality turned out. so it was a LOVELY afternoon. brock had to be picked up at 7:30 so that he could finish his homework, but elise soon picked up becca, morgan, and i for open-mic. she was somewhat put out that she hadn't been invited to the afternoon, but it was just something becca and i planned that brock ended up coming along to. it wasn't like the whole world minus elise was there, anyway. but open-mic was very nice. i got to see laylee, but she was sick. becca played three songs, and elise read three poems. a very damn nice night. it was late when i got home so i fell asleep before i finished my history reading, but fuck it. i really want out of that class, but i don't think mom is going to let me. oh well. anyway.
on friday, morgan woke up at 5am to go to the hospital for her appendectomy... FINALLY! after school, sarah picked me up and brock tagged along to my house. i got brandon's "37 songs to boink to" mix, and brock and i listened to some of it while we ate ice cream. then we watched the footage for "hair" the way it is supposed to look (sped up) and ran around the house. dad took us to visit morgan in the hospital briefly, then we went to becca's to get jerry so that he could charge before the gig. then brock and i danced madly to spice girls, and i was surprised/ashamed at how many words i remember. we went and ate at sonic, which is always brilliant. eventually elise picked us up. i had accidentally forgotten jerry (i am brilliant) so sallis took me back home to get him. what a dear. by the time we got back, java was more crowded than i have ever seen it. it was really amazing. i'm lucky i found a couch to sit on, because there were quite a few people sitting on the floor and QUITE a few more standing. it was amazing. morgan played first, at 9, and i liked what he did. first he read one of his poems that i've head before a few times... sometimes i can't remember what i've heard because they're kind of repetetive. but he played on the keyboard and sang, which i actually really enjoyed. maybe i just liked the echo effect and being in a trance in laylee's lap while she tickled my back. but it made me happy. i don't know. so then BECCA played and she was amazing. she played 10 songs, which i filmed, and have now made into mp3s on my beautiful computer. the show went so well though... i'm glad that she could still be comfortable and everything, even with so many people. i got annoyed when people would talk. but she held more people's attention than a lot of java's acts do. not that they aren't all amazing in their own right, but people just generally come to hang out and drink coffee, you know? i think everyone there was there to see becca, and if they had just gone to hang out, i'm sure they didn't just sit around and talk amongst themselves. i didn't realize this until late last night, but the crowd had kind of dissipated by the end of the show. not that becca cleared the room or anything, but it was something of a late show and people had to go home. robin and the kids she was with left early, along with becca's friends margaret and leslie, and sunny's group. but i'm really glad that so many people showed up... i'm surprised more people from open-mic (amber, michael, anybody) weren't there. but yes it went very very very well. i'm glad that i filmed (thanks again to sallis) because i have been doing literally nothing other than listening to the damn songs over and over. this is getting sad.
anyway today is laylee's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LAYLEEPOO! HOW I LOVE YOU! WEEEOOOO!!! i really hope i get to see her.... becca is planning her afternoon, and kevin is planning her evening. so between them i don't really think that i come into the picture hahah. tonight is also the mutant spacebats of doom gig ("prom night") to which i am zoë's date. hallelujah. or something appropriate. so i'm looking forward to becoming bill baker's daughter for the night. yes indeed. i wish that you didn't need a parent to get in, that just complicates life. oh well. i'm looking forward to it, but there's no way it can upstage becca's performance last night. i'm positive that friday will be the highlight of my weekend already.

listening to: becca bobango - the still

me and brock's results on the quizzes that robin and acacia made:


pinto. you are a bean, not a nut. what were you
thinking taking this quiz, you gassy bastard.


What Kind of Nut are You?
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Your aroma is MAN DEODORANT. You wear tshirts with
the sleeves cut off, exposing un-shaven armpits
(and probably clumps of your MAN DEODORANT).
But that's okay, atleast you don't stink of
BILE. The smell most similar to yours is
HAMSTER, also a reasurring and refreshing
scent.


What Do You Smell Like?
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so i'm going out some time soon. or i'm supposed to be. i feel like i spend the best part of the night waiting. it takes forever to make a plan, and then it takes even bigger forever to execute it. i've been sitting here for like an hour waiting to get picked up. i bet they found someone to take my place in the car, and no one thought to call me. bloody perfect. i need some lovin.

listening to: bikini kill - no backrub

IF THERE IS ANYONE IN THIS GOD-RIDDEN WORLD WHO IS WILLING TO COLLABORATE ON THE AP ENGLISH WORK...... CAN YOU PLEASE FUCKING CALL ME? I'M ABOUT TO FILE A SUICIDE.

just got back from my first session of therapy... woe is me, i am so full of angst. it wasn't particularly awful in any way, shape, or form, but you know me. i wanted to kind of filter things, and i had to focus on just trying to say everything. then she would ask me questions that i had no idea how to answer, so my "assignment" is to write down some certain things to talk about. so, yes, i am going to go back. i don't know how long i'll keep it up, though. i actually found myself wanting to say more, really irrelevant things. just about stuff that i don't really SAY to people, because it's just that irrelevant. i told her that i write, and maintain websites, and make movies. i'm really bad about talking sometimes. i guess i was nervous. but if anyone has lovely therapy advice to give me, i would be glad to have some. that's all for right now. i really need to finish my school work. i'm so ashamed of myself.

listening to: the kills - black rooster

i had a really nice night, which was surprising. brock and laylee were busy, and i hadn't talked to anyone else about doing stuff. mom got home from work, and after a while we went out to eat at cafe 1912. i had ham and *cheese* crepes, and mom had an oyster po-boy. it was nice. i actually ENJOYED eating out, for once. we sat outside, and the flies were annoying but the breeze was pleasant. afterwards, we rented some movies at black lodge. when we got back home, we put on "money or nothing" with john cusack which was not as funny as it was made out to be. that always happens when we rent damn movies. at 10, i got a call from MARGARET! she wanted to come and pick me up, and surprisingly, mom let me out. so meg and margaret came and got me. meg was hungry so we were going to stop by mcdonald's until i spotted some punk asses outside ihop, so we headed over there instead. we asked to be seated by them, but we were WAY too close so we moved into a booth behind a soundproof wall. i love people-watching with meg and margaret. it was too great for words. the punk/goth kids were great, and there were two transgender kids among them. one of them looked really out of place in his/her pink sweater, among all the black... meg had to be home by 11, so margaret took her back to my house to get her car. then margaret and i drove downtown. we walked around for a few minutes, but ended up back in the car driving and driving. she took me home around 11:45 (luckily, my mom was asleep so i didn't get in trouble with i came in a bit late) but i sat in the driveway and talked to her extra. i LOVE talking to her. i have great car chat with margaret, and i love more than anything to make her laugh. margaret's laugh is beautiful, and i always feel really really good when she laughs at something i say and knowing that i can make someone sound so happy. she makes me feel like a decent person, and she makes me want to tell her everything about my life. thank god for margaret. we better have english together.

listening to: the porch ghouls - tragic ground

well it's been a few days since i made a real post. i feel guilty. sorry, for all you faithful readers who don't exist. no, really i just decided to post because i JUST FINISHED THE GRAPES OF FUCKING WRATH (and it was terrible) and now i'm avoiding the assignment. ah well. that's life, for you. no actually that's ME for you, but what can you do? and i tried to print out the grapes of wrath assignment (i lost my copy, and laylee had to type it up for me) and the damn priner jammed. how perfect. so i'm waiting for mom to come fix it.
anyway..... last night we skipped open-mic and instead, elise brought brock and robin over to color some more on morgan's video. when brock finished painting the skirts and elise was sick and tired of watching us do things, robin was hungry so we walked over to sonic. we watched two moths fucking on the menu sign. it was a really nice night, but they left at 10 because robin had to be home. it ended far too early. but i got to drink my chocolate milkshake back at home. i wrote the shittiest poem i've written in my whole life. it was so bad i haven't been able to bring myself to read over it at all. but once the server gets back up, it will be available for torture on DOY. unless i decide it's too terrible for anyone else's eyes.
this morning, morgan and dad left for a comic con in chicago. morgan is super loud and woke me up at 7:30 in the morning. luckily i got back to sleep after she stopped clattering around the bathroom. i hope she's having a glorious time with our silly little man. they're going to meet sean astin. (i'm link crazy today. pluggin like a muthafucka. woohoo!) anyway. it's really funny how many people have blogs. blog o' mine, you are tried and true. you are the real deal. you have seen one too many layout changes. you have seen different servers, and different readers, and all kinds of nice things. sigh. how i love thee. kinda.
so i'm going to go see if anybody has posted on my regs... brock, becca, christie... ted actually hasn't posted in a while, i'm very disappointed. i'm starting to think he's moved from the location i keep looking for him in.
i really want to do something tonight. i want to do things before school starts sob. somebody call me.

listening to: belle and sebastian - family tree

"your brain is ass."


AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAAHAAHAHHAH

if i die listening to pixies... i'll be okay. there is no one as amazing. no one no one no one no one no one.

give me help, give it hell. you can...
levitate me
then take off them rings, off them hose
levitate me
higher place
levitate me
ELEVATOR LADY ELEVATOR LADY ELEVATOR LADY ELEVATOR LADY
LADY LEVITATE ME!
if all in all is true
if all in all is true
if all in all is true
if all is true..
won't you please run over me?
shaky shake... shake it!
levitate me
come on pilgram, you know he loves you
levitate me
higher place
they kick your baby?!
ELEVATOR LADY ELEVATOR LADY ELEVATOR LADY LADY
ELEVATOR LADY LADY LADY LADY LEVITATE ME
if all in all is true
if all in all is true
if all in all is true
if all is true...
won't you please run over me?

listening to: pixies - levitate me

well i had a lovely day! i sat around a lot, and avoided the wrath. i can't really remember what i did that took up the whole day. oh i guess that's because mom woke me up at 12, and katherine came over around 4. (i totally made up that time. it was some time this afternoon.) ANYWAY. she has a GREAT haircut. it's very very cute, so it suits her. brock called about 5:30, which made me incredibly happy, as he had just gotten back in town. weee!!!! so we finished eating, and took morgan over to foot's house, and then picked up brock around 6:30. he was wearing the hamster shirt and he was beautiful. so at home, we sat around and editted/watched film thingies and talked and looked at blogs and listened to some songs and had a lovely time. brock got picked up around 10:30. katherine and i imported ALL the footage we have to work with for her "much finer" video. i'm really excited about it again now. i hope she can come back over tomorrow (today, by now) and work on it. this isn't like "untouchable face" where elise told me what she wanted, we gathered a bunch of footage, and i locked myself away and editted it all together. either, katherine needs to be here to tell me what to do, or she needs to edit it herself. the only thing i am comfortable with doing is clearing away some of the really obvious trash footage, to make things simpler. but it's going to be a GREAT video. i hope we get some things finished, so that we have more than 2 music videos in the film festival, especially with us being featured filmmakers. i'm still nervous about whatever we're supposed to do for our workshop thingie... i'll just get katherine to go talk. she is nice at talking. anyway she got picked up around 12. i just had a great conversation with zoë, and things are really nice right now. (except for when i think about school. socially i will be excited to see some kids, but i haven't done enough of my summer work at ALL. i'm going to kill myself this year.)

listening to: the dismemberment plan - you are invited

so i'm not as lonely tonight as i was last night. part of it is knowing that i'm not the only one who is lonely. (thank you, brock. i love it that i'm not the only one. wahaha is that evil?) i started a post earlier today but it has disappeared.... oh yeah, i'm home now. elise came to visit me for a few minutes on wednesday night when we got back, because she left the next day for new orleans to visit brandon for a few days. i hadn't seen her since last monday (psuedo sonic poetry night) and then of course the day after that, the power went out. and yes, my power is back now. some kids i know still don't have theirs, though, which is just AWFUL. i think zoë got hers back only this afternoon, am i right? it's a crime. but let's see. yesterday was thursday... i went to a sale at lost in paradise with my mom, where she bought me a skirt. she literally forced me to try on a lot of things, including short (well, to me they were short) skirts and girly shirts and a DRESS. it was weird and i felt girly, in the imposter sense. i make for the shittiest girl ever. it's disgusting. so after we left there, mom wanted to go to the junior league and look for uniforms for school. she said she'd drop me at home, but she FORGOT. eck. anyway, the junior league has closed forever, which is a shame. i liked it there. so instead she took me to tjmaxx to buy a *BRA* and it was the worst thing in my life. i don't even know what fucking size i wear, and i was supposed to sift through miles and miles of lacy undergarmets and know what i'm doing. (i told you i make the shittiest girl alive.) it was horrifying. i basically just stood there. so mom was like "IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LOOK, WE'RE LEAVING!" and i was terrified so i said "okay" and then we left that aisle, but unfortunately did not leave the store. oh well. anyway. soooo we got home and i got to page 150 in grapes of wrath, and right as i did, LAYLEEEEEE came!! it was marvelous. she's beautiful, and makes me way happy. then dad took us to open-mic. it was pretty empty... just us and zoë. (brock is very much out of town. did i mention it? well, he is. but he emails me LOTS so it's okay.) morgan and paul were there as well. yay! the five of us escaped outside when tilden got to read. paul was cutting his own hair (in random snippets) but he couldn't reach the back, so he let me do it. it was VERY exciting and i stole some hair off the sidewalk. it's now forever going to be spread around in my purse-thing.. it was stuck on laylee's phone too ahhaah. sigh..... i cut a lilla bit of my own hairs, and it was incredibly fun. i should do it every day. anyway, amber and will also came. amber's improv was nice this week too. there was a table of kids i'd never seen before. they didn't read, but they were definitely there specifically for the poetry. they left before morgan read, though zoë and i tried to stop them. stephen showed up for a few minutes. then william and becca showed up at the very end, just to give paul a cd and talk to layleekins. but becca played with my hand while morgan read, and hugged me a lot lot lot, and it was beautiful just like she is, and the night was nice overall. laylee came back to my house afterwards but had to call her mom to come get her right away. LUCKILY, we had a few minutes to talk before she got there. i love to talk to laylee...... she's my favorite thing in the world.
today i didn't do much of anything. i watched fight club again, but i have already rambled to brock about that and i am not really prepared to do it again. i think i liked it better the first time, but this time i was paying way more attention to the cinematography because i knew the story already. and it's a really really really well done fillum. i love that part of it. and i love edward norton. *cue the music*
edward is the man!
i am a norton fan!
.... FUCK! ... ME! ...... NORTON!!!!!
when he comes a'courtin,
edward is my norton!
.... EDWARD! ... NORTON! ..... FAN!!!!!!

listening to: changing names - unsatisfied

i feel kind of weird and lonely right now. as ridiculously cliche and wretchedly stupid as it sounds, i just want to be held. i don't really have anything to say. i feel really shitty though, and i wish i was in love.

listening to: wilco - how to fight loneliness

i drew the stars into the night with a stick of thin chalk
not very well, i'm afraid
i've never been an artist
they didn't stick and slid off after a few hours
in the delirium of their fall, she came to me with only one shoe
in the wreckage i gained a freckle in the crook of my elbow
she is beautiful
she puts her hands against my forearm, to separate my fingertips from her soft stomach
i kiss us until i notice something running down my skirt
i remember the star disaster
the night is just glossy black glass and miss moon is not pleased
i take refuge in your skin
someone else can clean up

hi, all. that's a total joke, i know that nobody is reading this blog *cough* tedlink *cough* well hey i can say that because i have comments which nobody uses. i'm going to delete them soon, when i get back to memphia. exciting things of the past few days:
-watched a bunch of movies (don juan demarco, some cowboy bebop hting, banger sisters, america's sweethearts, robin hood, robin hood men in tights, etc etc etc because nobody has anything good to do except watch movies)
-ran through corn fields for no reason
-held a lovely rabbit
-held one very very tiny frog, newly un-tadpoled
-tried to catch another frog, but did not succeed
-was leapt upon by a lizard, and then he crawled all over me and into my bag. it was marvelous.
-broke a hammock
-ran about 'on the lamb', so that nobody would find out htat we broke hte hammock
-put out beer to kill slugs with grandma
-ate breakfast enough to last me all day long + two brownies
-was forced to take several pain-rides (opposite of joy ride?) back and forth from grandma's house to my cousins' house across the pond
-nearly hit a cow, ran into a ditch, forgot to slow down, forgot to speed up, forgot my turn signal, forgot about lanes, backed into grandma's tree.

that's about all i can think of for now. if i think anything else i'll come back. ho ho ho.

listening to:the movie 'legend' (the director's cut. it is way long, and the scenes are all screwed over, and the score is ocmpletely different. it really makes you realize how important a soundtrack is to every mood and every scene and all. okay.)

ugh i'm so sorry that i haven't been blogging.... this is the first time i've been on a computer for a week, though. all the power was knocked outta memphis during Super Storm 2003!!!!!!! there wasn't much to do. downtown got its power back really quickly, so we ended up eating there a lot of the time. i spent a lot of time sitting in the dark of my room on the phone (especially with brock, who is actually really great to talk to on the phone. don't let him tell you that he sucks at it. actually, he's great to talk to anytime/place. so nevermind. this is pointless. i love brock. okay.) and doing nothing. on thursday i got to go hang out at brock's house, and we tried to call laylee and becca to come see us but they're assholes. i never saw elise either, i don't really know what she was up to but maybe she'll post about it on her blog. so after sitting in the dark for a few days, mom and morgan and i drove to north georgia for a crazy family reunion on friday, where i didn't know anybody. yesterday, we left there and drove south to alma where my grandparents and cousins and whatnots live. we're coming back to memphis either tomorrow or wednesday... dad says the power's back, hoorah hoorah. i want to see elise before she leaves for new orleans (to visit brandon), and i want to see becca and laylee lots and lots and lots because they are lotiony gravy goodness. brock's in florida at the moment, and doesn't come back until saturday. too bad because we have been really enthusastic about SKINKARDCYST lately, and i really want to start recording our album. woohooooo i'm so punk. anyway. have a lovely life, kids. i wish this was a better post. sigh.

listening to: harry fucking potter and the goddamn chamber of punkass secrets

you run to me like your life's in danger
you run to me like i matter
you forgot the picturesque, obvious hug in which
you lift me off the ground in the intensity of our love
you forgot the movie screen kiss
and the director is screaming at you
while the camera rolls
you are wasting valuable film
under a sky where the dripping clouds were smeared on set
this is your cue
pause
it looks like rain
or sun
or not
so cut
they want me replaced
you can't work in this environment
means i just don't have what it takes
you've been settling for less
i can still sit outside your trailer
waiting for a chance to make you laugh
and when they bring the new girl in
will you still want me around at all?

tonight brock decided that the open-mic thing wasn't such a great idea after all, i guess, or that he just wasn't up for it. so he, elise, and i were going to go have our sonic poetry night. then he wasn't even allowed to go out, anyway, so i guess it was better that we weren't going to do something he REALLY cared about. so elise came to my house and we walked over to sonic loaded with poetry anthologies. i brought a few of my own notebooks, because i REALLY REALLY want a day where we read our own things to each other.... that just feels like a really close, personal, beautiful thing to me, and i wanted to have that day with brock and elise. anyway though. so elise and i basically took turns reading poems to each other... i read out of a few compiled books by a bunch of different people, but elise stuck with this james tate book. not that he isn't great and everything. it was an okay night... we talked for a little bit. i don't feel like we accomplished too much or anything. then i came home and brock was online, so we wrote some punk songs. i love our late nights. *claws* anyway i think i am going to try to go call elise.

listening to: lunachicks - the return of brickface and stucco

i have finished angela's ashes!! bravo for me. i'm sorry, laylee... but i really have to finish things. don't worry, i haven't done ANYTHING on the assignments, though. i just read the two books, and that's it, not a page more. let's see. tonight there is a thing at the basement with open-mic whatnots, and brock is trying to figure out whether or not it's all ages. let's see.... i'm waiting for dad to come back with my film from wolf camera, and morgan is spending the night with foot and seeing pirates of the caribbean for the 3 time as we speak. thursday is my first .. therapy. what do you call him? my first therapeutiic session ahahahahaahah damn it. i am going to be really bad at this, i can tell already.

listening to: tattle tale - sister blue

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	Very High
Antisocial:	Moderate
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Very High
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

my answers on this thing is always different, which i think is hilarious. i like to take it over and over. i've only posted it two other times though: here and here. i can't tell which one makes me seem more messed up. i know this thing is just silly but it makes me think anyway. i mean, it obviously has some basis in reality. oh well. i'm supposed to see a therapist sometime soon. i don't know how it will go... i'm pretty freaked out, actually. i don't know.

listening to: pixies - hey (the live version that i LOVE)
(just now morgan came in to get some popcorn and i was listening to this on the headphones, so i lip-synched to her glass of milk. she could tell what i was 'singing' becuase of the faces i made. is that sad or what?!)

"well we've entered the 21st century now!!" -- my mother, upon the installation of our new microwave

i am SO eating a big ole bowl of buttery popcorn. hell yes. my life is beautiful.


listening to: dead milkmen - leggo my ego

just talked to brock on the phone for 4+ hours. le sigh. i absolutely love him. sometimes i feel like it isn't mutual or he's settling for somebody... like he'd much rather be closer to somebody else, instead of me, but i am the person who is around. and then we have lovely moments (or 4+ hours) like this, or the time he tickled my back and we invented the lobsters in the sand song. i love that kid.

listening to: tokyo ska paradise orchestra - lupin the 3rd '78

got back from visiting my grandparents in jackson about an hour ago. not too much happened... i'm about to post the interesting stuff on DOY though. so you can check that out if you care. uhmm. i'm looking forward to seeing some kids, but i doubt anything will happen tonight. too bad. i'm glad that i didn't miss too much, like brock said. last time i was in jackson, i missed the world.

listening to: desaparecidos - manana

i had a pretty nice day. woke up to being grounded, and read my quota of angela's ashes. i'm really enjoying it, i barely notice time or pages going by when i read it. before i start, i circle the page i have to finish and then suddenly (not really suddenly. there's time.) i'm there! it's lovely. i'm really really really liking it, too. did i say that? anyway. so i read my quota, and then i worked on country spacecraft and talked to brandon. at some point elise called and asked if i could come to open-mic, and i was like "well i'm grounded, but i'll ask anyway." but mom let me go HAHA so i guess i'm not grounded. pretty funny, if you think about it. i love my mother. so then suddenly elise, brock, and katherine were here. elise printed some of her poems out, and i ate my cheeseburger, and dad+mom talked myths with brock. i read "little fur family" to him, and he said i should read to him more often. he was a very good boy, and he paid attention and looked at the pretty pictures. i liked it. i should read to him more often. and anyway we left eventually. open-mic vibe was really really really weird tonight, because all these white station graduates were there.... they just happened to be there, i guess, because the little groups weren't communicating with each other. but each of them was noisy as hell, and they talked ALL over poems, and my soul was maimed. michael (yes, back from spain. ugh) opened with this huge 1o-year speech about that people shouldn't spend forever up at the mike and everything. it was really weird because most of the regulars weren't even there. he was basically talking to brock and elise. he hasn't even been there lately, and HE of all people has the nerve to tell people not to read too many poems? YEAH, MR. NEIL DIAMOND. YA FOOKIN GOBSHITE! KISS MY ARSE. and he RAMBLED for sixty fucking years, and it was awful. then he read a poem, and i would've been paying more attention if he had shut the fuck up hours before, but he DIDN'T so i hated the poem. oh well, it serves him right. elise read less than usual... too bad. but she was lovely as usual. neither katherine, brock, zoë, morgan, or myself had brought anything to read, so we just sat around. elizabeth, meg, margaret, and tarah came after a while. they're lovely as always. tarah read, and i love her. people talked all over my favorite one though and i was very upset. elise's friend laura from bridgebuilders read a poem that i really liked, and i want to invite her to DOY. i'm surprised she isn't on there yet, what with elise being able to sorta recite her poems already. amber popped in for a few minutes, and did an improv which was lovely as always. this one was funny. i'm glad that meg, margaret, and tarah got to hear her. this new woman played a folky song, and i really liked what i heard of hte lyrics. she said it was about rapunzel and medusa falling in love with the same man, and i thought it was really clever. there was this one absolutely amazing verse with all these allusions to stone... it was just great. (medusa turns people to stone, and rapunzel lives in a stone tower. it was just great.) and this very slammy guy whose name i have forgotten (but it's on brock's blog) performed a poem, and he was great. ana read one, morgan fox read a couple. tilden (who had unfortuneately missed michael's speech) and this new guy each read for a really, really long time. and they read back to back. they literally cleared the room. but it was a really nice night, all in all. i love being able to have this in my week. i was very very very sad with becca and laylee missing, but i think that even if becca had been there to play, it would've been different and strange with all of the crazy white station kids there and everything. i'm completely rambling. that's okay. now i'm just hanging out and i'm REALLY hungry so i might go to bed. i forget how i do this in the summer all the time, but my cure for late-night hunger is sleep. always. oh yeah, and when i got home i talked to brandon for a few hours, because he's really easy to talk to and everything. but how's this for a great way to end your day:
robitussin am: in your presence, i could feel . . . power
robitussin am: maybe it was confidence or strength or somehting
robitussin am: but it had power behind it
robitussin am: which i found intimidating
robitussin am: but i also immediately grew a respect and love for you
robitussin am: but you wouldn't talk to me
aLittleStarlight: i didnt mean to not talk to you
robitussin am: no worries. i actually wanted to photograph you more than anything, but i ran out of film
robitussin am: you're beautiful and physically threatening

woowwwwwww. i've never heard "threatening" before. i like that. and "beautiful" is a new one. nobody's ever said it like that. and if i ever hear it again, it will be the same shock. i just feel really deeply complimented right now. and maybe not even because i feel like exactly what he said, but the fact that somebody happened to have those completely sincere thoughts about me makes me feel like an okay person. and plus look what tarah said:
FalLynnStar: your so professional. i dont know. but i LIIKE it

how are those for contradictary? oh well, i like it that people see me different ways, and i'm HAPPY, and in a lovely mood.

today and yesterday were absolutely BEAUTIFUL. yesterday after the doctor's appt and whatnot, laylee and i decided around 6ish how nice it would be see each other. we have absolutely mad plan-making skillz, but unfortuneately our cohorts refuse to comply. so around 8:15, elise, brock, and laylee pull into my driveway. i was sad because brock had to be home at 10, which left about a full 10 seconds for me to see them before i went home. as we were driving towards union, i make this completely random comment about how once-upon-a-time i played in these GREAT fountains downtown. so elise is like "LET'S GO!" and we do. the ones i meant are the ones in the civic center plaza that shoot out of hte ground and all that. brock knew the ones i meant, and we found them together, but they were turned off. that was really sad. so we ended up walking around and watching this beautiful flock of birds that was really like 10 flocks of birds having a party, and they were all at different levels in their little sections, and.... oh it was beautiful. pretty indescribable. plus they were up against the pinky sky as the sun was setting, and memphis didn't look like memphis, and it was just a really great moment. so we walked around for a little while with our necks stuck toward the sky. then we found this little fountainy kinda pool thing. brock and i were saying how awesome it would be to film somebody dancing in it, so elise and laylee (clad in man-pants) took off their sandals, and waded in it. they danced a little bit, but apparently it was squishy and strange so they got out of there. we walked back the way we'd came, to go see if the ground-fountains were back on. they weren't, but we could see the wetness around them so they'd been on SOME time. i guess it was too late in the evening, and therefore not hot enough? we were just gonna sit there and wait-ish, but i wanted to go see the other fountain. it's this big L-shaped wall thing that has water running down it, and 2 little raised pool things on the ends. i don't really know how to describe it, but it's nice nice nice. so it was really damn hot and we were thinking how NICE it would be to just lay against those walls and let the water run down. so we did. for a couple hours. and we danced and sang really loudly and it was just beautiful. there were a few little moments when we all just stopped and had big group hugs and once a kiss festival. also brock let me jump on him TWICE. it was beautiful, and i had a great night. we had to take brock home by 10, as i said, and walking through the streets all wet, i felt like we were magic. we were pixies and naiads who had accidentally landed on this plane. we were beautiful and everything was beautiful. then we listened to ani in the car and there was wind running thru our hair from the open windows and wind is one of my favorite things. it was just lovely. brock and i danced, and i sang too loud, and then we took him home. then laylee and i spent the night with elise, and i'm glad that my mom let me stay out. in retrospect, it probably would've been a better idea to have spent the night at home, and then just had them pick me up later today. i didn't, though, and i had a really nice time at elise's. we stayed up till 4 just sitting around. elise was mainly talking to brandon online, and laylee + i were cozy on the floor, then the couch. i kissed her nose many times. i kissed her clavicle only once. le sigh. i love the girl, i love her. i want to kiss her hip bones. it was really nice though. except when i hit my head. elise has a very hard floor. we all slept in one bed (NOT the big ole crazy cloud bed) and it was relatively nice. i move WAY too much in my sleep, and i'm a blanket/bed hog. but anyway. we woke up at 1ish. we sat around the masur residence for a bit, before going on many various outings. we did QUITE a bit of driving... i'm not sure if i would be able to remember all the places we went in the right order.
laylee's house-- for mass amount of change, her camera, and her pixies cd
shnuck's-- to turn laylee's change in $15, and pretend that we are buying things for a picnic. (elise just got some fruit. then we noted the time...)
memphis college of art-- at 4, we picked up brock.
my house-- i hadn't been able to put my watery contacts back in at elise's when i woke up, so i took them home and got my glasses. we also got some gouda cheese and towels.
becca's house-- to pick up becca!
then we finally drove downtown. it was nice to know where we were going this time. we stopped in subway to get food... that made me sad because it wasn't a real picnic if we were just buying food and carrying it a block away. so in protest, i just got some chips and a big ole dr. peppah. the ground "dancing fountains" were off again, but that was okay. we sat on the hot hot hot ground and ate our foods. and while brock and elise went off to piss in a grocery store, laylee took pictures of becca and it was happy happy happy. then brock and elise came back and we held hands in a line and JUMPED into the fountain thing all at once. becca looks like a mermaid all wet. brock looks like a pixie. elise is already a pixie. laylee looks very sex. i'm sure i look quite silly, just because i hate myself. people kept smiling at us, and some policeman wathced us for a while. it was a beautiful night... for a while i was just alone and dancing around by myself in the water, the other kids were out talking or something, i don't really know. i really shoud've gone over, i guess, because little did i know that i would ahve to go home ebfore everyone else. it was really sad. brock's parents told him on the phone that he couldn't stay someplace like that, so we left. we went back to becca's house to get her guitar so that she could play at htis open-mic thing at overton shell. but on the way htere, mom called me and said i had to come home right then, to do this list of things that i'm supposed to do every dya. i was like "mom, i'll have PLENTY of time" but she didn't belive me. it sucked. so they ended up doing other things anyway. (see elise's, becca's, and brock's blogs.) when i got home, i read angela's ashes like a motherfucker, cleaned out the catbox, scrubbed that bathroom floor and the sink, and ..... sat around on the computer and pretended like ANY SECOND NOW i was going to edit country spacecraft. really i just talked to brandon and elise. which i'm still doing. this post took me hours to write because of that. ah well. i think i'm about to get caught still awake. i really wanted to elaborate more on how beautiful the fountain thing was, but i don't know. i guess whatever details i give won't make any sense to anyone else.... but aside from the kids who were htere, who's reading this?! so i guess i might add some later. plus, i'm sure i'd want to know when i look back. also i'm wayyyy tired and very sick of this stupid blog. why did i decide to do this, again?

listening to: mates of state - everyone needs an editor

blegh i am taking a break from working on the film of country spacecraft ballerina. yeah, i deserve a break. after working for 5 minutes, and then eating a lovely toasted bagel with cream cheese. oh, don't get me wrong, i love editting. ah well.
today mom woke me up at 1oish, handing me a schedule thing. she has now planned things that i'm supposed to do every day, every week, etc during the summer. i hate it. oh well. she also dragged me to the doctor's office today, for him to look at something absolutely ridiculous that doesn't even exist. after we'd been waiting to see him for a damn hour and a half, we took off. thank god. but i did find out that i weigh 103 pounds, and that i'm 61 inches tall, and i never knew before. well i guess i found out, i just never remembered. so here i am putting it down for posterity, so that i don't forget, sort of. anyway, while we were waiting i finished reading the awakening, for ap english. i'd actually brought angela's ashes, but left it in the car assuming that i wouldn't finish the first one. silly me. so i talked to my mom a little bit, and lay there on the damn mat thingie before we decided to make a break for it. then we went to easy way and talked about blogs. mom bought mushrooms, and i love mushrooms -- just to look at, not to eat. i wish i was a mushroom. they're so happy.

listening to: modest mouse - heart cooks brain

who kept me awake so long??!!? YOU, EVIL BLOG! IT'S YOUR FAULT! I HATE YOU! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST DO WAHT I TELL YOU THE FIRST TIME!?!?!? I HATE YOU I HAT EYOU I HATE IOY ALIGHEWOI FUCK

happy birthday, mom! dear ms. leslie lynn jacobs fell into this world 48 years ago today, only it was a thursday then. thats why she loooooves thursdays. i love thursdays, too, because thats the day when i get to see the lovely kids at java. uhm. anyway. so for my mother's birthday, she woke me up at 11something this morning and put a rather wet dog on me. that wasn't so cool. but she was in a good mood, and i think it made her happy to see me writhe. so i got up, and got dressed, and got generally ready to go to see this movie raising victor vargas, because it was mom's pick of the day, and she is determined to see a movie in the theatre every day for a week during her birthday celebrations. (so far she has been to four. she loved raising victor vargas, man on a train, and pirates of the caribbean. she HATED league of extraordinary gentlemen, mostly because of wicked old sean connery.) so around 12:30 (when we were supposed to be leaving) mom discovered that her keys were utterly gone. i finally found them in the most obvious place (bookshelf by the door, hello!?) half an hour later, so we had to wait for the next showing of the movie. mom, morgan, and i were the only people in the theatre. it was pretty nice, because we sat in the very middle of the room, and talked loudly, and ate our candies and had a lovely time. the movie was great, and as i said, mom loved it, which was the whole point. then we went to black lodge and rented a couple movies. one of which was serial mom (HAHAHAH) and a perfect birthday choice, if i do say so myself. near the end, elise called, and i called her back when it was over, but by that time she'd made other plans. ah well. she wants to hang tomorrow, which is cool. i feel like i haven't really seen her in a while. mom got lots of lovely birthday prezzies, and she is drinking her second india pale ale, and having a splendid time. she and morgan are watching bridget jones' diary, and i wish i was doing something other than sitting around... can't think of anything else to do, though. i'm so very boring. cheerio to no one! i save all my love for you...

this is the story of my life. i had high hopes of happy yogurtdom after i opened the fridge and found some lovely organic kind that mom bought some time. i read the label and the flavor was "vanilla truffle .............. with cream." so i was like okay. and i opened it and there was literally this little pile of cream on it, and that was really creepy. but i brought it back into the computer room, where i was (and still am) talking to brandon on aim. so i'm like "this is uber creepy" and he's like "dear god, don't eat it" especially after i showed him the picture. ha. so i went and scooped the "cream" into the sink, and i came back with my newly refreshed yogurt. whatever, whatever. so i take a bite, and it's all gravy. not the yogurt. uhm. okay. retake: i took a bite, and everything was fine. it tasted pretty nice, and i had dismissed the fact that it was just covered in 'cream'ish a few seconds before. so i'm about to tell off brandon for telling me that my yogurt was gross, when i look down at the carton some more and theres BROWN in it. and i freaked out for all of .3 seconds before i realized that it was chocolate. at least... i THINK it's chocolate. it's brown and the flavor is supposed to be something about truffles. so okay i'm calming down. and i keep eating this yogurt. but the truffle/chocolate thing is just WEIRD and CREEPY tasting. and i kept complaining to brandon. so i ended up throwing it away.
anyway that's all. it seemed exciting at the time.

i really love late night phone calls. they're the next best thing to spending the night with somebody and staying up forever. the next NEXT best thing is having a really good conversation with someone online late at night, but those are harder to actually accomplish. anyway.
i love late night phone calls. thank you, becca, i had not had one in a long long long time. and though this sounds entirely selfish, i'm so glad that i could be around at all for you to call, and i wish that you would do it any time you needed someone. i feel soooooo connected to you in this moment, and i feel guilty for being happy about having such a heavy conversation. i want to go have coffee with you and sit in trees and jump in fountains and smell the flowers and talk for hours. you're my honest hero (honestly) and pretty please... marry me? i want to be around when youre just practicing your songs, and i want to giggle with you all night long, and i just want to see you some time soon.

katherine is back in town!! for her, my plans for a sonic poetry night with just elise and brock were nullified. katherine and her dad came to pick me up around 4 and dropped us off at otherlands, where brock and elizabeth were waiting. elise arrived moments later. it was a pretty nice, lazy afternoon. we hung out at otherlands, and when we(i) got restless, went to java. i got restless there, too, and suggested we leave. that turned out to be a bad idea, because elise just took me home. ah well. such is the life of a 16-year-old with no car/license/permit. the outing was nice while it lasted, but i think i spent longer anticipating it. i loved getting to see katherine again, too. i liked getting to sorta work on brock's movie. i'm glad i got to see elise, because i haven't seen her a lot lately. and i haven't seen elizbaeth in forever, either. so it should've put me in a better mood, i guess. i don't know why i get restless... i feel like if we stay in one place long enough it's hard to keep up a conversation or something. but for some reason, a lot of the time when i'm out with a bunch of people, i feel like i end up listening to them say things i've heard over and over, and i want to have fresh conversations that have never happened. (i'm really impatient today in general, though. what the hell is up?! fucking pms.) and nights/afternoons/outings like this always leave me kind of unsatisfied. actually, it's kind of rare that i feel really GOOD when i get home, because i just hate coming back home and having to say goodbye that much. oh well. bad habit. gotta kick that.

listening to: the frumpies - we don't wanna go home

i love brock. who else could whisk away my troubles and tell me he loves me in french? le sigh. in his 40 minutes, i had a good day. thank you, monsieur. who would i be without you?

i'm in an uber-weird mood. i hung out with elise, zoë, and laylee yesterday, and i had lots of fun. laylee spent the night, and we stayed up till like 6:30. it was great, i love her. mom woke us up at 1 and we watched happenstance, which was really good. now i just feel really really really really really weird. i don't know. my mom wants me to start seeing a therapist, and everything is weird. the only thing i can think to do is go take a shower. so.

You are The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost.

You're an individual, though you may not think of
yourself that way. You make your own decisions,
usually after much thought, and maybe you
regret a few. But in the end, you know it's
those decisions that define you.


Which poem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

haven't posted in a while... yep, i still suck at this. i'm not even going to try to catch you kids up this time. only.. morgan's home now, papa came to take grandma home, and they're gone. brock and elise are at writing camp. i got to see them on saturday night and i had the best time i have had in a forever. it was amazingly great. other news... this week is slow, which is good since it's summer, but sad since i kind of want it to be over. becca just got back in town tonight, and i haven't seen her yet. actually haven't seen her for a week. last tuesday, we were going to go see "dancer in the dark" at the media co-op workshop, but kevin and laylee came to get me way too late. so we ended up just going to get becca and daniell. we went to shnucks (maybe? some grocery store.) to get macaroni, because it was something that laylee and i could both eat. (her tonsilitis was hurting, and my ortho teeth were hurting.) so we took it back to her house where i made it for us, and hten we sat around and watched tv. theeenn we had a marvelous jam session in which becca tried to teach kevin to play (strum) guitar, but it was pretty unsuccessful, i think. so she ended up just playing, and i played a little drum. thennn kevin took my drum, and jammed with becca as she played her new song a couple times. i attempted to chime in (haha literally) with the thumb squash piano, but it was pretty shitty so i cut out. then becca got some bongos, kevin had the little drum, and i had a drum that i was hitting with something i THOUGHT was a mallet, which turned out not to be a mallet, and i brutally broke it. but the drum session was lovely. then becca and daniell gave laylee hickies while kevin and i were jealous on the couch. i filmed it though. but i wasn't supposed to really be going past-y with this... i haven't been going out or anything. in fact, there was that last tuesday, and then open-mic, and then saturday (which was AMAZING, as stated) but aside from that i've not really been out until today. zoë came to get me at about 3 or so, and we got dropped off at java. we ran around cooper-young taking pictures of things, which i hope came out. it was reeeeeally hot outside, and i ran though some people's sprinkler. we ended up back at java cabana (air conditioner), which was lucky, because shortly after we got there, i saw laylee and daniell getting out of their car! so i RAN across the street and tackled them and it was lovely. they came and sat around for a while, then we walked to the first congo parking lot to take more pcitures. of course, at that point, we discovered that they were all used up, so we couldnt try the lovely shots we'd wanted to. buttttt morgan fox was in the parking lot! and he whistled to us so i ran over, and he invited us to be in a movie!!!! i was about to jump all over that, but zoë's mom appeared right at that second. it made me SO FUCKING SAD, and i feel like a fool. if it had been someone else, i wouldve been like "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, WE ARE DOING THIS MOVIE RIGHT NOW OKAY MUTAHFUCKASSS" but i couldnt do that to her mom... it sucked. so we went to sekisui where i had the first sushi of my life, and hated it. california rolls can bite my ass. so i was really not liking being there or... anything. i DID like watching the little sushi bar boat go around and around, that was fun as hell. i wrote things like "think global, act loco" and "believe in dreams" on sugar packets, and put them on the little boats in hopes that people would take them out and be happy. i don't know, i don't think it worked. but after a while, we left and went to zoë's house. we sat around and talked for a while, and then we went to neil's around 8:30 (fashionably late hohoho) to see her friend ben's band play. they were fun. kinda jammy, some of the time, but the best things they played were their originals. the ones with lyrics. they DID play "i feel good" which was very happy. i danced and danced, but these people are tight-asses and nobody else danced. it was weird because the band members' parents (and their friends!!) were there and it was a really weird crowd. kinda like all those kids had to watch their backs the whole time, because either their parents or somebody that their parents know were all there. a couple kids from my school were there (including mr. pink pants at the talent show) but nobody i talk to. ben was cute, and he made me happy. his band made like $300 in tips, or something. fucking rich parent assholes. that's what you get for going to lausanne and inviting your parents to your show, i guess. i would rather play for a crowd that DANCED, not paid. iiii hope the band members saw me and zoë dancing together and said "i wish kids did that at EVERY show." muthafuckas. anyway. oh yeah, before the show, we dropped off my roll of film at walgreen's, and who was there but JONATHAN from country spacecraft ballerina!! it was really happy, and he said he would definitely do the next show. he was sad that he missed here and now, and he said he would've worn a wig to be in it. i love the man. i had a pretty good day... zoë invited me to spend the night, but i reeeeally wasn't up for it. she isn't really somebody that i can spend 31093750735 hours with, though i love her and everything. so i came back home and here i am. i wish there was something else for me to say that was interesting... but not really. sorry, faithful readers (HAHAHA).
i smell like fags.
...
ciggies, that is. i don't mind. i don't mind smelling like cigarettes or pot from a concert, because it reminds me of concerts. mmm i don't mind this smell at all. i have nothing but good memories from it. is that disturbing? watch me start smoking just so that i can think about music. how pathetic! black lung, here i come.

listening to: transplants - diamonds and guns