so I'm in baltimore waiting for the train to the airport when a group of teenagers rolls up, snatches my phone, and hops on the boarding train (not my train). I'm thinking "well fuxk it" but a good samaritan holds the door long enough for me to grab my bags, jump on and take off. I find the teens, who say they threw the phone in the grass before they got on. really?? next time the train stops, they take off running. again I'm thinking screw it, but another good sam alerts the driver, who calls the transit police, who appear within minutes. this cop gets my story, and after I've identified the girls, I get my phone back plus a cop car ride to the airport. i ask what will happen next and she tells me the kids are being arrested and taken down to the station. I feel pretty fuxking rotten about this. now the detective and police station are blowing up my phone to get my statement two billion times and they want me to testify in court. thanks for retrieving my phone and getting me on the plane... but can I politely decline?? I'm not sure what punishment the system would give to these kids but I can't imagine it will help them.

anger makes me a modern girl

i just went to the OR for lunch and got kicked out for being barefoot. "health hazard" my ass! it's more likely that i would get gangrene from their floor than that i would give them herpes or something..... well maybe that's what they meant.
either way, i'm annoyed. but i made py buy my food. hahaaa!
last night at 4am i was sinking fast... just a veritable puddle of tears. and i was writing in this little notebook that i'm supposed to have filled up by 3:30 for class today, and i just said to myself, you know what? fuck this. no more crying about this shit. and i stopped! it was kind of amazing. so i went to bed angry and enlightened instead of sad and weepy. good news, maybe.
i might post some of my little thoughts from that notebook. it's debatable.
is anyone reading this?
i've gotta go finish reading "death of a salesman." wish me luck on the quiz!

boys don't ever have this much fun

i hate the law.
after dinner at the OR tonight, i walked up to my car in the loyola parking garage, in the rain, to discover that i had been BOOTED. granted, this is sort of my own fault, because i dont have a parking permit yet.... but i mean, cmon! it's still pretty early in the year, right? so i had to pay $95 to get them to take it off. it was exceedingly lame.
so, i finally got on the road. i had to stop at rite aid on the way home to pick up some medicine. i walked in totally normal and didnt even notice that some lady's "HEY! PINKIE!" was directed at me! pinkie! what??? is that a racial reference, or could she perhaps have been referring to my dress... i don't know. so i'm standing in line at the pharmacy pick-up and she appears and tells me that i have to leave. why, you ask? because i am barefoot.
"you need to leave and get some shoes."
"i don't have any shoes."
"you need to leave and get some shoes."
"well this will just take one second."
"you need to leave and get some shoes."
"but i'm sick! i need medicine!"
"you need to leave and get some shoes."
i should have kicked a bitch. but instead i just rolled my eyes and left. and now i have no medicine.
here's the point: these days i have been attempting to find happiness wherever i can... it's a rare thing, so i do my damnedest to continue doing the few things i can to maintain a little glow in my day. lately (basically all summer and continuing to the present) i have tried to go barefoot as much as possible. every day i go to school with no shoes.... i've gotten scolded a couple of times at the cafeteria, but basically i ignore it. brandon just keeps telling me that i'm being dumb by not wearing shoes because i'm going to fuck up my feet and i'm automatically shortening the list of places i'm allowed to go. and i understand that it's a liability and a health issue...... but really, i don't give a fuck. you should feel my callouses!!! they are quite impressive. and it's one of the only things that brightens my day. so i'm sorry, world, but i hate you. deal with my fucking bare feet and leave me alone! one day you'll wonder where i went to. and it will be too late.
so leroy just came home with a big bundle of delicious stolen food. yes! all the soy milk in the world will soon be in my belly! bwahahahaha you just wait.

pretty rain makes you smile

"September 24, 2002

Dear Mrs. Jacobs:

After careful review and consideration of your reasons for requesting an exemption from the School Uniform Policy #5150.1 for your child, a decision has been made regarding your request. The policy requires that the person requesting the exemption show he/she wants an exemption due to religious or a strongly-held belief, described as "a philosophy or set of moral principles that guides a person's decision about his/her life or lifestyle." The explanations provided in your written statements submitted on August 12, 14 and September 23, 2002, and expressed in our conversation of September 23, 2002, do not meet the requirements for exemption. Your allowing your children to wear uniforms for one venue but not for another demonstrates inconsistency and, therefore, does not qualify as a strongly held belief. Consequently, I am denying your request for exemption from this policy. If you wish to pursue your request further, you should contact the Mmphis City Schools office of the Board of Commissioners for a final ruling of your appeal (325-5447).
If I can be of further assistance to you, feel free to contact me. We thank you for your continued support and look forward to your children having a successful year.

Sincerely,
Dr. Richard Potts, Director
Zone 2 Schools"

so they denied me because mom put that i'd warn a uniform in the past on the little exemption form thing. i am incredibly upset with both of them. i don't think that wearing the goddam band uniform for one fucking day constitutes checking "yes" for "has your children worn any uniform in the past?" or whatever the damn question was. actually mom thinks that they denied it because morgan is wearing the uniform (after being bullied into it) and i'm the one requesting the exemption. either way it's ridiculous and i'm pissed off.
sticky rain steals my smile.

what matters is your uniform

well blogger just deleted my post and i'm really annoyed. it's taken me a while to come back and redo it but. at the time, mom had just come home (and gone back to work) with news of the "meeting." it turned out that she hadn't even had time to come by the house and get me. i'm really glad we didn't go film it. the anti-meeting consisted of mom giving the guy a (new) note, him reading it, and saying that they'd get back to us. mom did not seem very hopeful about it. she thinks she focused on all the wrong things. i'm going to post her note and you can tell me what you think:

"My concerns are:

1. The authoritarian atmosphere created by the school uniforms policy. Perhaps students are better behaved; they are also less exuberant.
2. The "us" versus "them" attitude promoted by the wearing of uniforms.
3. The increasingly "conformist" attitude towards thinking in classes. The school uniform policy is, contrary to what the school administrators say, fostering an attitude of "we should all think alike." This is especially troubling to me since Memphis, in contrast to other places I have lived, is a city that does not tolerate diversity of opinion well. The schools should be fostering individual thinking, not succumbing to peer pressure.

I have supported my daughter's decision to pursue exemption from the school uniform policy precisely because I believe that at fifteen, she should be learning how to think independently. I have encouraged her to make her own decisions, and not to follow the crowd. If I backed out now, what would I be teaching her? I believe that the process she is experiencing right now is an invaluable lesson about how the world works, regardless of what the outcome is. I am only sorry to see what she seems to be learning is that people in power aren't always thinking people, and that people in power sometimes use that power to bully others. A few teachers and administrators have seen the school uniform policy as an opportunity to throw their weight around.

While this policy may work in the short term, studies show it will not have any great long-term effects. We seem to be focused on the short term that we are risking the life lessons our children should be learning. Learning to make appropriate decisions about clothing would be better than instituting a narrow uniform policy.

4. The Memphis City School Board did not follow recommended procedures for implmenting the policy. There was no discussion with parent and teacher groups before this policy was established. The arbitrary notion that a school uniform policy would improve our scools is fallacious. School uniforms should be part of an in-depth adjustment of school environments.

Thank you for allowing my voice, and my daughter's voice, to be heard.

Leslie Jacobs and Alanna Stewart."

you wiped the floor with victory

i wish. i am upset because mom is supposed to be here. well i'm sure that what happened is that when she came by here, dad had not brought me home yet, so she left without me, to go to our Board meeting about my uniform exemption. the case will not be NEARLY as hopeful without me there, or without a statement written by me there. i was going to do that but i decided it would be better if i was there. and obviously i am not, since it is almost 3:30 and i'm at home. this is quite distressing. i feel useless.