the lonely heart poetry droning in hearts becomes songs that all objects sing to each other

just decided to pause on the job search when i read "police chef" and thought it sounded like a great way to make money. although i'm not a very good cook, and i don't do the meat thing... still.
yes, i'm still looking for a job. yes, i turned down the offer from the property management company. i feel a bit weird about it still, but i really think i would have been doing a disservice to myself to stop looking at this point. it was my first offer, and i think i have other avenues to explore. as brett put it, "Secretary at Confederated Management is not the way to start your career as a genius." mostly he could say that because my dad had just turned up some dirt on them on the internet.

plus, i asked the runes. basically what i got is that i can't lose sight of the big picture and remember that i don't have to stick to a narrow path to reach my goals. taking that job would have lead me astray. i need to work on not settling and not being so dependent. i got really flustered about how impossible making this decision felt. now i feel a little more relaxed, remembering that not everything is under my control and these decisions are actually not so huge. and... well.
well you all know i love bugs, but this is just ridiculous. i'm afraid to count the number of them in my room right now. is it because i opened the window for a few minutes yesterday to lean out and pet cosmo's little floppy head? is it because there is apparently a huge hole in my wall with only a thin layer between me and the outside world? (no wonder winter is so cold.) or, is it because i am a fucking bug magnet and always will be? and my cats just lie here... it's really not a problem except when they decide to crawl around on the computer screen, which just confuses my eyeballs. well. except for roaches..... DEAR GOD. WAKE UP KITTIES.

listening to: akron/family - ed is a portal