WEEK 5 – REVIEW REMIX REVISE
Write your autobiography (not memoir but the entire story of your life) on one page, in ten minutes. Seriously, set a timer.
What are you surprised you left out? What are you glad you left out? What frightens you? Now, pick one detail from the original piece, and let it be the point of departure for a second draft of the same length.
Once the clouds came, I could not see my way out from under them. Maybe they'd been gathering all along, but at 13 dark shapes blocked the sky entirely, and 16 raged full hurricane. By then at least I'd found kindred spirits to weather the storm with. Outsiders called us "the emo kids," sensing some of our emotional intensity, but not understanding our shared sensuality, vulnerability, sensitivity, queerness. I put my every everloving egg in this friend basket, a wreck without it. Sometimes I even shattered in the safety of the nest – hiding in the closet with the cat box at my costume party. But when we were good? No lunch table laughed louder. Underwear dance parties, rolling down golf course hills, making music + movies, cigars at the diner, a home in every park + parking lot. No romance ever punctured the sanctity of our circle, and we prided ourselves on silliness in sobriety. Key word "sincerity." We found each other in the fortress of a public institution, improbably, when many of us were at our lowest. All our eggs riding in that collective basket. Nested my confidence + capability atop them, our strength woven into a community. (I'd argue this was our queerest characteristic at the time.) And even knowing all this, the immense love and shared support between us "snapdragons," I never realized how lost I'd be without it.
Monday, February 07, 2022
part one of the above assignment
~This is how we do it!~
Memphis mud raised your blistered body little mammal. They sorted you out a sister, these stupid hobbitses, the sweetest kinds. Take them under the table. Grumpy from the start, curious of letters + making nonsense of sense. Circle the family of colors. School, a disaster. Friends turned populuar while you mudlark wandered tree bark scars. When the clouds came, you could not see a way from out under them. The dismal grey stretched forever, school a prison, teachers torture – truly did feel this extreme, poor thing. Not much to compare it to. When you "finally" found friends you pulled them tight to you, maybe scary in your wanting. Only knowing all or nothing. Prided yrself on sober fun but New Orleans didn't let that last, sometimes you think it all got lost, left like Mardi Gras trash in the street – but try to make it beads in trees, gleaming plastic. You were still learning, the booze did take you down some strange streets. You wonder how you stayed alive – unknown magic + clown gods carry you through – but why? What awaits? You survived confused consent + not knowing you could say no. Flower petal scarred. Bloom sideways softly into queerness finally find the words, the love. Get the labels you deserve. Diagnosis, partnership, community. Crawl back to the mud, hush puppy, dirt dobber, swell onto the shore. See the world worth fighting for. Look toward the So Much More.
Friday, February 04, 2022
bless the decomposers
River Teeth Journal accepts submissions for a weekly column called "Beautiful Things." It asks for flash CNF, 250 words or less. Here is a sample: What I Made
Feel free to visit their archives and review the types of work they've published, then write your own potential submission to the "Beautiful Things" column.
To hear Lula Mae tell it, you'd think that old wood shack sat near paradise, rather'n some backwoods holler. Now this would've been before a kitchen fire took that old house like tinder. They hardly got out the door with their britches and Grandma Janie's portrait.
Even before all that, there weren't much to it, other'n a shack to sleep in and a crick to spit in. Tough times yield tough folk, they say, but sure did have the nicest damn outhouse in all Brantley County– corn cobs and sears-roebuck catalog right up there by the seat. Lula Mae swears those amenities meant the Jacobs never had trouble with hemmorhoids– even their assholes were tough. And if that weren't enough, God sent dung beetles. What a blessing for someone else to do the dirty work! Lula never spent a day turning the latrine, thanks to those bugs carrying off what we can't keep in. In fact, she sat on that throne, just smelling the partridgeberry, till somebody caught her and set her back to chores. Least that's how Lula Mae tells it.
Well, I'll be! Almost makes you miss somethin you never knew you had a want for.
Feel free to visit their archives and review the types of work they've published, then write your own potential submission to the "Beautiful Things" column.
To hear Lula Mae tell it, you'd think that old wood shack sat near paradise, rather'n some backwoods holler. Now this would've been before a kitchen fire took that old house like tinder. They hardly got out the door with their britches and Grandma Janie's portrait.
Even before all that, there weren't much to it, other'n a shack to sleep in and a crick to spit in. Tough times yield tough folk, they say, but sure did have the nicest damn outhouse in all Brantley County– corn cobs and sears-roebuck catalog right up there by the seat. Lula Mae swears those amenities meant the Jacobs never had trouble with hemmorhoids– even their assholes were tough. And if that weren't enough, God sent dung beetles. What a blessing for someone else to do the dirty work! Lula never spent a day turning the latrine, thanks to those bugs carrying off what we can't keep in. In fact, she sat on that throne, just smelling the partridgeberry, till somebody caught her and set her back to chores. Least that's how Lula Mae tells it.
Well, I'll be! Almost makes you miss somethin you never knew you had a want for.
Wednesday, February 02, 2022
I'd rather be on tour - open/closed
After reading about open and closed texts, write two versions of the same moment/emotion/memory. The first version should be a closed text: the characters are placed in concrete settings with concrete circumstances surrounding their existence. The second version should be an open text: the characters and their settings are abstract (be sure to read the examples provided in Cunningham's essay). Language will be the distinguishing factor in these pieces, where the open texts invite lyricism and the closed texts embrace clarity.
petalled out the bayou loaded down with oversize eyes blazed up with whisky cigarettes and hope. how could we not. we could not not. tied together time again toppled over tricksy grin rough cheek touch chin when whispers teach lips how to bend.
glow west spun clown, spell pan's peter to prairie stars, four score lightnings, hit high bars. come quake awhile mischief moon pull cards swoon whisky fool drop to marsh bed know thy sting, uncrumple toward my shoes and feet.
swell baby say's not morning, never not night, don't shrug me onto cali tides- trade forest kiss for memory misplaced, how hard i hid from day. onion mouth swim south bayou-bound sweet fae we caught vision gleaming sparked it up in flames.
petalled out the bayou loaded down with oversize eyes blazed up with whisky cigarettes and hope. how could we not. we could not not. tied together time again toppled over tricksy grin rough cheek touch chin when whispers teach lips how to bend.
glow west spun clown, spell pan's peter to prairie stars, four score lightnings, hit high bars. come quake awhile mischief moon pull cards swoon whisky fool drop to marsh bed know thy sting, uncrumple toward my shoes and feet.
swell baby say's not morning, never not night, don't shrug me onto cali tides- trade forest kiss for memory misplaced, how hard i hid from day. onion mouth swim south bayou-bound sweet fae we caught vision gleaming sparked it up in flames.
When I took the gig in California, I brought Tom with me. Just for the ride. I'd never been further west than Dallas and that was a middle school (i.e. miserable) band trip. Turned out Tom wanted to catch up with friends out that way, so we made a two week road trip out of it. When I arrived in New Orleans to collect him, I slipped into step with my Aquarius twin, and we abruptly turned nocturnal.
We missed the Tumbleweeds on St. Claude's but Sam gave us their album anyway and we played it through 5 states. Staying with friends saved money for alcohol, decadence. We were not good house guests.
We reluctantly rolled into Humboldt on my birthday, 6 days before his. I didn't want him to leave, I didn't want to stay. Any time I'm on the road, I want to live there–the brightness, the immediacy–the precious hours of moored friendships. But this time, whether in spite or because of the excess, especially so. He felt magic.
Don’t leave.
Our closing night playing invulerable intimate might stand in for the whole trip: we got beer and burgers at the local pub, shot pool, made out, found a liquor store, attempted to find the ocean, waded into a marsh in the rain and Tom had to slap my face to keep me from sleeping in the muck. We probably shared a bed one last time but I was too drunk to remember.
Looking back it's clear–half that magic was mine.
We missed the Tumbleweeds on St. Claude's but Sam gave us their album anyway and we played it through 5 states. Staying with friends saved money for alcohol, decadence. We were not good house guests.
We reluctantly rolled into Humboldt on my birthday, 6 days before his. I didn't want him to leave, I didn't want to stay. Any time I'm on the road, I want to live there–the brightness, the immediacy–the precious hours of moored friendships. But this time, whether in spite or because of the excess, especially so. He felt magic.
Don’t leave.
Our closing night playing invulerable intimate might stand in for the whole trip: we got beer and burgers at the local pub, shot pool, made out, found a liquor store, attempted to find the ocean, waded into a marsh in the rain and Tom had to slap my face to keep me from sleeping in the muck. We probably shared a bed one last time but I was too drunk to remember.
Looking back it's clear–half that magic was mine.
Monday, January 31, 2022
to start the work of unlearning is to see the cycle
WEEK 4 - Stretching our limits must begin with where we draw the line. What details are you leaving out? What observations or thoughts are you withholding for fear of appearing unlikable? Today's prompt offers two options: 1. Go back into the previous weeks' prompts and rewrite a response to include the detail that frightens you. 2. Write the scene you believe your family or significant other would least like to read. The goal is not to create shock value nor to feel pressured into picking open an emotional scab. Simply let yourself be round and full and fantastically human.
"What the fuck is wrong with everyone!! These fucking brights!" I growl into the glare behind a stoplight.
"Honey, they probably don't know how to turn them off." Jerel's voice a balm to my burn. The coolness makes me squirm.
"Well someone needs to tell them!!! It's ridiculous." I flash my brights back at them, frantic, useless.
"They don't know what that means, it's probably stressing them out. And it's not helping anybody to get so angry about something you have no control over."
"I'm not angry! I'm just annoyed." My toes curl as I lean into the steering wheel. Pulse against the tension. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
"Okay, you're upset. If anything, focusing on other people instead of on your own driving makes everyone less safe." They've withered somehow in the passenger seat, a thousand miles away.
My softest sweetest one. I've erased the hope of safety, what else have I shattered?
Remember how you suffocated your fear, tried to magic it into excitement and pride when Chris would blitz the 695, blast off east coast needle roads, this very same vehicle, but you in the passenger seat–cringing, calcifying–absorbing, uncovering.
You'll bleed and bleat "toxicity" "insecurity" and "men" but can't unswallow all you drank. He may have punched the wall, but it was you who pushed the table, toppled bottles off the trailer deck, threatened the tulsi and thyme.
Even now you blame this man when you know full well you practiced all along. Slam the door, dishwasher rack rattle, stomp and shake.
You stare straight the halos of approaching light, forcing the worse worst. Seeth small. Simmer. Settler. You wear whiteness, wield it as your white hatchback, allowed to curse at cops, colonizer. Pave the road to meet you, expect doors to open and lights to shine correctly and when they don't?
What might have been relief (how Ellie reads this little bicker "anger" when you aren't even screaming, maybe you could even turn that story true) collapses into horror that they knew its size before you let yourself see–the source, the cycle–learned supremacy.
Friday, January 28, 2022
the good dentist
At this point in the week, hopefully your brain has been good and fooled into thinking you have abandoned the writing ship in favor of loftier pursuits, which means it's time to get serious. If you've been stuck on a piece of writing you started a month ago or last year or in a previous decade, it probably means a.) You are married to some portion of it you fell in love with the moment the words left your fingertips, but now you can't stand to look at it. You want to make it work, but in the words of Janis Joplin, "Honey, deep down in your heart you know it ain't right." b.) You are writing about something that isn't true enough yet. You are avoiding the thing that will make it true, and up until now, you haven't been able to talk about it, let alone write about it. c.) The story you are telling is not fully in your possession; research is needed to add credibility to the subject.
Open the file of an old, unfinished draft, and come at it from a new angle. Consider a different point of view. Be liberal with the delete key. Don't hesitate to dive into the deep end or to make a phone call to confirm expert details. Writers know that the real magic happens in revision, and you are a writer. You are a writer. Say it with me...
“It’s 99 degrees, but feels like 106 out there!” My dentist starts things casual.
“Can you turn toward me? That’s perfect.” In his chair, everything I do is perfect. I don’t know what he looks like under the blue face mask, but his young eyes are kind and his gloved hands are gentle. I want to have sex with my dentist.
I point to my aching molar. “Yeah, you’re riding it pretty hard.” He warns me before he inserts the needle. He explains everything as he does it, thoroughly, carefully. “Let me know if this is painful, and we’ll stop.” My dentist would never hurt me.
Every minute or so, he eases up to let me rest my jaw. I’ve never known a man who offered that. Most move harder. But my dentist says, “We can go as slow as you need to.”
He offers me a foam cushion, meant to help me stay in position longer. “Some people like it; some people don’t.” He sees my hesitation. “Okay, let’s try without it.” We try without it, and stop each time I need a break. My dentist is infinitely patient.
Later, he brings it up again, shows it to me–a soft tan block. I don't love the look of it, but why not try? I can be kinky. Once it’s in position, I instantly hate it. I don’t have to speak, just shake my head. He apologizes and it's gone for good. Unlike former partners, he won't ask me to contort around his desire. My dentist is sensitive to my needs.
I wait for the familiar pressure of the drill. “Is this okay?” My dentist will fill my every cavity and I will become whole again.
Open the file of an old, unfinished draft, and come at it from a new angle. Consider a different point of view. Be liberal with the delete key. Don't hesitate to dive into the deep end or to make a phone call to confirm expert details. Writers know that the real magic happens in revision, and you are a writer. You are a writer. Say it with me...
“It’s 99 degrees, but feels like 106 out there!” My dentist starts things casual.
“Can you turn toward me? That’s perfect.” In his chair, everything I do is perfect. I don’t know what he looks like under the blue face mask, but his young eyes are kind and his gloved hands are gentle. I want to have sex with my dentist.
I point to my aching molar. “Yeah, you’re riding it pretty hard.” He warns me before he inserts the needle. He explains everything as he does it, thoroughly, carefully. “Let me know if this is painful, and we’ll stop.” My dentist would never hurt me.
Every minute or so, he eases up to let me rest my jaw. I’ve never known a man who offered that. Most move harder. But my dentist says, “We can go as slow as you need to.”
He offers me a foam cushion, meant to help me stay in position longer. “Some people like it; some people don’t.” He sees my hesitation. “Okay, let’s try without it.” We try without it, and stop each time I need a break. My dentist is infinitely patient.
Later, he brings it up again, shows it to me–a soft tan block. I don't love the look of it, but why not try? I can be kinky. Once it’s in position, I instantly hate it. I don’t have to speak, just shake my head. He apologizes and it's gone for good. Unlike former partners, he won't ask me to contort around his desire. My dentist is sensitive to my needs.
I wait for the familiar pressure of the drill. “Is this okay?” My dentist will fill my every cavity and I will become whole again.
Thursday, January 27, 2022
letter to the editor
Read the editorial page of your local newspaper. Find something to agree or disagree with, and spend your lunch hour writing a letter to the editor about your informed and passionate opinion. Again, this is not really a writing exercise, per se, but an opportunity to exercise your civic rights and participate in public discourse.
I request that your news organization immediately begin a PSA campaign concerning a matter of utmost importance. Your recent "Stop Buying Massive Trucks" editorial missed a key component in the battle for our city streets–people need to turn off their brights. You need to tell everybody to turn off their brights, especially those luxury trucks. Why not hire Big Ass Truck to compose a jingle? If they sang "Everybody please switch off your brights!" I'm sure people would get the message. And for BAT's next reunion show, they can change their band name to something more reasonable.
While there are countless reasons to support this cause, I will only share the top three, as I'm sure you have important barbecue reviews to write.
Light pollution harms the local fauna. Surely you've noticed the lightning bug population shrinking. I think it's bad for bats too. Anything nocturnal probably hates it when people drive with their brights on.
Nobody needs to use brights unless they're illegally driving with a busted headlight and/or MLGW failed to address another streetlight outage. If you made it to the depths of the suburbs, maybe you can turn them on. But in town? No.
It hurts my eyes and I hate going out at night now. My parents won't drive after dark anymore either, so I have to do it for them. I can't see with all these brights in my eyes, y'all. I'm driving here!
My partner assures me that most people don't know they're turned on. And I calmly respond, "Well obviously that's why I'm siginalling them!" as I rapidly flash my headlights into oncoming traffic. My partner believes people don't know that either. Well then what DO people know?!
I look forward to next week's editorial and prime time radio ad please and thank you.
I request that your news organization immediately begin a PSA campaign concerning a matter of utmost importance. Your recent "Stop Buying Massive Trucks" editorial missed a key component in the battle for our city streets–people need to turn off their brights. You need to tell everybody to turn off their brights, especially those luxury trucks. Why not hire Big Ass Truck to compose a jingle? If they sang "Everybody please switch off your brights!" I'm sure people would get the message. And for BAT's next reunion show, they can change their band name to something more reasonable.
While there are countless reasons to support this cause, I will only share the top three, as I'm sure you have important barbecue reviews to write.
Light pollution harms the local fauna. Surely you've noticed the lightning bug population shrinking. I think it's bad for bats too. Anything nocturnal probably hates it when people drive with their brights on.
Nobody needs to use brights unless they're illegally driving with a busted headlight and/or MLGW failed to address another streetlight outage. If you made it to the depths of the suburbs, maybe you can turn them on. But in town? No.
It hurts my eyes and I hate going out at night now. My parents won't drive after dark anymore either, so I have to do it for them. I can't see with all these brights in my eyes, y'all. I'm driving here!
My partner assures me that most people don't know they're turned on. And I calmly respond, "Well obviously that's why I'm siginalling them!" as I rapidly flash my headlights into oncoming traffic. My partner believes people don't know that either. Well then what DO people know?!
I look forward to next week's editorial and prime time radio ad please and thank you.
Wednesday, January 26, 2022
lost thought trails
Well this morning, i spent an embarrassingly long time debating whether to start a Patreon or Ko-fi or something, and i still haven't come to any conclusions except for that maybe my anxiety meds aren't very effective.
Last week an anvil of a thought dropped on me–heavy, sudden, impossible. "What if I wrote about Marianne?" I wondered out of absolutely nowhere. And just now, I lost an hour plodding through why I should or shouldn't write about Marianne before I realized i didn't want to share all those reasons with y'all, and encouraging responses would only make the decision more difficult. So maybe I'll work up to giving it a shot and seeing how that feels... But i'm not there yet.
I don't want to go into work on Friday but it'll be nice to have the extra green beans. My birthday is Sunday and I don't want to see anyone. Or I've convinced myself that I don't want to because I don't know how we'd do it safely and ethically. I'm having weird feelings remembering a road trip I was on exactly 10 years ago.
Now I'm hungry and writing is a great way to procrastinate cooking.
Just kidding, trying to write while hungry is a great way to get absolutely nothing done.
I'm overthinking this. It's sorta funny how suddenly there's nothing to say, as soon as the prompt is as simple as "say anything."
Honestly I'm still stuck on reliving that road trip. It's...trippy. How Tom and I were so close, two Aquariuses at home in our season even as we bumbled across the country. We drank too much and became nocturnal, but that only heightened our bond, its magic. It's still crushing, how easily we let that bubble burst.
Last week an anvil of a thought dropped on me–heavy, sudden, impossible. "What if I wrote about Marianne?" I wondered out of absolutely nowhere. And just now, I lost an hour plodding through why I should or shouldn't write about Marianne before I realized i didn't want to share all those reasons with y'all, and encouraging responses would only make the decision more difficult. So maybe I'll work up to giving it a shot and seeing how that feels... But i'm not there yet.
I don't want to go into work on Friday but it'll be nice to have the extra green beans. My birthday is Sunday and I don't want to see anyone. Or I've convinced myself that I don't want to because I don't know how we'd do it safely and ethically. I'm having weird feelings remembering a road trip I was on exactly 10 years ago.
Now I'm hungry and writing is a great way to procrastinate cooking.
Just kidding, trying to write while hungry is a great way to get absolutely nothing done.
I'm overthinking this. It's sorta funny how suddenly there's nothing to say, as soon as the prompt is as simple as "say anything."
Honestly I'm still stuck on reliving that road trip. It's...trippy. How Tom and I were so close, two Aquariuses at home in our season even as we bumbled across the country. We drank too much and became nocturnal, but that only heightened our bond, its magic. It's still crushing, how easily we let that bubble burst.
Tuesday, January 25, 2022
lament of ineloquence
If you are anything like me, you devote a solid portion of every week to thinking about assorted family members. They are always in your head, and haven't you been bringing them up at the dinner table? Let your fingers take dictation and type the gripes or anecdotes while you talk. Since you're at the computer anyway, segue into a memory and rewrite (revise) it. Change the season of the event. Create a new climax. Let it unfold into a new and desirable outcome or vice versa. The idea is to imagine the answer to "What If?" Set the stage using scene and exposition, and after you've rewritten your past, include your present feelings about the alteration.
"What did you think of the song?"
After moving back home post-breakdown, I rejoined my old theatre troupe, and with a new lease on life, I'd grown temporarily fearless. No one asked me to do this, but I wrote an a capella lament for the finale of the show, a retelling of Hamlet with Trumpism as its source of tragedy.
"Well... it was pretty repetitive."
Take my ashes / Take my ashes
Thanks, Mom. "I guess I was trying to express being at rock bottom. You know, when you're so low you can only feel that one thing? Haven't you ever felt disenfranchised?"
Did you think you had a voice? / No one can hear you, no one can see you
Dad looks blank. Of course not, culture has curled around his desires–everyone a Marvel fan.
Did you think you had a choice? / You've been bought, you've been sold
I'm lucky to have parents who love and accept me unconditionally. So why is it impossible to share?
This is the part where you give up
This time, you find how to say what you mean–not in lyrics, but now, on the couch. They turn off their screens to listen, attentive, without wearing their skeptical eyebrows. Steady breath, not impatient sighs.
By the end of your speech, peppered with their thoughtful questions, you have successfully conveyed generational mental unwellness as a condition of capitalism and climate crisis, the consequences of liberalism, queer time theory, and how every superhero movie is a cop movie. Maybe they won't, or can't, agree entirely. But through their love, they make every effort to understand, and if, and when, they don't, they lift you higher because they know you have to tell these stories, and they know there's someone who needs to hear.
If only.
If only.
Friday, January 21, 2022
awaken the crepusculator!
Before bed, spend a few minutes thinking about your morning routine. Then, close your eyes and imagine how you might weave elements of the fantastic into the chronology. Be sure to make notes on your imaginings before you fall asleep, and don't forget to share your final results...
when the last light flickers shut, the scent of cedar candle turns the loudest thing in the bedroom. tomorrow has to come again, so wake me up in the woods.
when a sip of sun spills over the trees, i'll still not want it. nuzzle further into the pillow pile of my soft siblings as they're yawning into consciousness, as it dawns on them, day/light. their hunger rumbles them toward mama bear, though weaned means tracing her lead to the river, the out of bounds, the beyond the cave mouth, unknown. how could anyone be ready to go?
what i know is dark, cold, i have not needed day.
though i am loath to leave my hole, my kindred will not wait.
touch your paw pad to the dewy dirt.
let's give that a minute to take.
i come crepuscular.
now– assured, surround the careless air, become covered in the hum of honeybees, notice how your gait changes when the light and leaves conspire to gift you with a dappled coat–how you feel now your fur is armor.
the sleuth of us all lumber long the river bank river bed disarming doe commandeer their roughage acorns clover clean canines fell beehives wink sleepy chuff ready den bound bear family, all of us me.
in my short leg curvy fit black skinny jeans and button down, mr rogers sweater, medicine worn and written and swallowed, with my paper water wallet phone keys mask LUNCH, ready to do day, i say ursula lead the way.
when the last light flickers shut, the scent of cedar candle turns the loudest thing in the bedroom. tomorrow has to come again, so wake me up in the woods.
when a sip of sun spills over the trees, i'll still not want it. nuzzle further into the pillow pile of my soft siblings as they're yawning into consciousness, as it dawns on them, day/light. their hunger rumbles them toward mama bear, though weaned means tracing her lead to the river, the out of bounds, the beyond the cave mouth, unknown. how could anyone be ready to go?
what i know is dark, cold, i have not needed day.
though i am loath to leave my hole, my kindred will not wait.
touch your paw pad to the dewy dirt.
let's give that a minute to take.
i come crepuscular.
now– assured, surround the careless air, become covered in the hum of honeybees, notice how your gait changes when the light and leaves conspire to gift you with a dappled coat–how you feel now your fur is armor.
the sleuth of us all lumber long the river bank river bed disarming doe commandeer their roughage acorns clover clean canines fell beehives wink sleepy chuff ready den bound bear family, all of us me.
in my short leg curvy fit black skinny jeans and button down, mr rogers sweater, medicine worn and written and swallowed, with my paper water wallet phone keys mask LUNCH, ready to do day, i say ursula lead the way.
Thursday, January 20, 2022
restaurant review
"..if you can't make something out of a little experience, you won't be able to make it out of a lot. The writer's business is to contemplate experience, not be merged in it." ~Flannery O'Connor
We need not feel limited by geography nor our financial ability to accumulate passport stamps. If you've eaten a meal at a restaurant recently, you've earned an experience. The same is true of your healthcare and consumer experiences. For today's prompt, review an experience you've had in which the service was remarkable (good or bad). Imagine this less as a Travelocity review and more as an expert critique that might appear in a newspaper or magazine.
In times like these, when we must abstain from feasting at our favorite restaurants, we must bring the fine dining to us. Yesterday I had the pleasure of "calling in" and "picking up" from one of the most well-established establishments on Overton Square.
As I waited in the Curbside Pickup Lane, "10 minutes only," I had the opportunity to observe a photographer in her natural habitat, willing any kind of inspiration to appear in her subject's head shot - apart the turquoise wall of her backdrop of choice, the dreary suit's LinkedIn profile would be identical to the next. Cringe.
Before I knew it, the graceful and talented Vanessa appeared, heaving a large bag and two plastic cups through my passenger seat's window, just as I managed to clear all the paper off the seat. Although I cannot see her smile, I perceive it twinkling behind her mask. Ah, the service of an angel. "Y'all have a great day!" Alone again, I lingered a moment to absorb the bouquet of greasy aromas pouring into every crevice (and immediately escaping through the ineffective sun roof) of my chariot.
Once back home, I had the pleasure of spreading my delectable spread across the coffee table, whilst only knocking over one or two of the tchotchkes that reside there. As I folded into the deep, fraying cushions of my sofa and tucked into my banquet, I had the presence of mind to remind Dr. G. Willikers of his place at the table. "Get offa there, Willie!"
Before I could comprehend what had transpired, I found myself clutching the dripping remains of my Beyond-veggie-burger-with-avocado-and-roasted-garlic-aioli. The bun in tatters, my fingers soused, garments dappled, it finally dawned on me how this enterprise earned the moniker "Belly Acres." I highly recommend the peanut-butter-milkshake.
We need not feel limited by geography nor our financial ability to accumulate passport stamps. If you've eaten a meal at a restaurant recently, you've earned an experience. The same is true of your healthcare and consumer experiences. For today's prompt, review an experience you've had in which the service was remarkable (good or bad). Imagine this less as a Travelocity review and more as an expert critique that might appear in a newspaper or magazine.
In times like these, when we must abstain from feasting at our favorite restaurants, we must bring the fine dining to us. Yesterday I had the pleasure of "calling in" and "picking up" from one of the most well-established establishments on Overton Square.
As I waited in the Curbside Pickup Lane, "10 minutes only," I had the opportunity to observe a photographer in her natural habitat, willing any kind of inspiration to appear in her subject's head shot - apart the turquoise wall of her backdrop of choice, the dreary suit's LinkedIn profile would be identical to the next. Cringe.
Before I knew it, the graceful and talented Vanessa appeared, heaving a large bag and two plastic cups through my passenger seat's window, just as I managed to clear all the paper off the seat. Although I cannot see her smile, I perceive it twinkling behind her mask. Ah, the service of an angel. "Y'all have a great day!" Alone again, I lingered a moment to absorb the bouquet of greasy aromas pouring into every crevice (and immediately escaping through the ineffective sun roof) of my chariot.
Once back home, I had the pleasure of spreading my delectable spread across the coffee table, whilst only knocking over one or two of the tchotchkes that reside there. As I folded into the deep, fraying cushions of my sofa and tucked into my banquet, I had the presence of mind to remind Dr. G. Willikers of his place at the table. "Get offa there, Willie!"
Before I could comprehend what had transpired, I found myself clutching the dripping remains of my Beyond-veggie-burger-with-avocado-and-roasted-garlic-aioli. The bun in tatters, my fingers soused, garments dappled, it finally dawned on me how this enterprise earned the moniker "Belly Acres." I highly recommend the peanut-butter-milkshake.
Wednesday, January 19, 2022
overtime in ATX
....Think about the jobs you've held over your lifetime. Which one would you want to pull back the curtain to show us what's going on backstage? Set the scene and give a little background information (research) on the industry via exposition.
I'm not a morning person. My best-friend-turned-coworker Laylee usually arrives first, and I stay late, after she's caught the bus. But today is my morning. Laylee warned me, but how bad could it be?
Well, it's bad. I left Hercules out overnight, hoping he'd catch the rats that keep chewing the food bins. He may have had... too much fun. There's spilled kibble everywhere and tufts of hair from apparent scuffles. Somehow (mystery of the day) room 3's door unlatched, so "The Frat House" boys tracked litter mud across the floor's chipped paint.
Aaaaand there's rat turds on the printer. Again. Thanks for nothing, Hercules. Your hero's name does not suit.
When it's time to open, I've only managed to scoop about 1/3 of the ~75 litter boxes in the cattery, and I haven't even gotten to ISO yet. Sandy and Qalla are on ringworm watch, so they have to quarantine, and I'll have to spray myself with bleach after interacting with them, to kill any potential fungal spores. I can't leave the cattery unattended, but I know without looking that they've made a mess.
Visitors start to trickle in. Plastering on my biggest smile, I give my practiced speil to two UT students. "Welcome to the cattery! You're welcome to visit with any of the kitties, but please read all the signs, and sanitize your hands between cats so we can keep everyone healthy."
I want adopters to see personalities before judging, so I casually mention, "There are more adoptable cats in two other buildings, so you may want to visit the FeLVies first." Cats with feline leukemia2 are susceptible to illness, and I don't want to spread URI because, wouldn't you know it, everyone and their cousin caught the sniffles this week. There's always something going around in here. But visitors will consider the residents of the Ringworm Ward and FeLVieland "sick" without even taking the time to meet them.
But these two aren't adopters. I already know the question about to rocket out this sorority girl's mouth."Do you have any KEH-ENS?" My teeth clenched inside an exhausted smile, I lead them to the wrestling mass of kittens in the last group room (yes we DO hide them on purpose) who immediately begin to scale my threadbare jeans. Yowch. Keep smiling. I leave them to it, their coos following me back to my scooper. The day has only just begun.
I'm not a morning person. My best-friend-turned-coworker Laylee usually arrives first, and I stay late, after she's caught the bus. But today is my morning. Laylee warned me, but how bad could it be?
Well, it's bad. I left Hercules out overnight, hoping he'd catch the rats that keep chewing the food bins. He may have had... too much fun. There's spilled kibble everywhere and tufts of hair from apparent scuffles. Somehow (mystery of the day) room 3's door unlatched, so "The Frat House" boys tracked litter mud across the floor's chipped paint.
Aaaaand there's rat turds on the printer. Again. Thanks for nothing, Hercules. Your hero's name does not suit.
When it's time to open, I've only managed to scoop about 1/3 of the ~75 litter boxes in the cattery, and I haven't even gotten to ISO yet. Sandy and Qalla are on ringworm watch, so they have to quarantine, and I'll have to spray myself with bleach after interacting with them, to kill any potential fungal spores. I can't leave the cattery unattended, but I know without looking that they've made a mess.
Visitors start to trickle in. Plastering on my biggest smile, I give my practiced speil to two UT students. "Welcome to the cattery! You're welcome to visit with any of the kitties, but please read all the signs, and sanitize your hands between cats so we can keep everyone healthy."
I want adopters to see personalities before judging, so I casually mention, "There are more adoptable cats in two other buildings, so you may want to visit the FeLVies first." Cats with feline leukemia2 are susceptible to illness, and I don't want to spread URI because, wouldn't you know it, everyone and their cousin caught the sniffles this week. There's always something going around in here. But visitors will consider the residents of the Ringworm Ward and FeLVieland "sick" without even taking the time to meet them.
But these two aren't adopters. I already know the question about to rocket out this sorority girl's mouth."Do you have any KEH-ENS?" My teeth clenched inside an exhausted smile, I lead them to the wrestling mass of kittens in the last group room (yes we DO hide them on purpose) who immediately begin to scale my threadbare jeans. Yowch. Keep smiling. I leave them to it, their coos following me back to my scooper. The day has only just begun.
Tuesday, January 18, 2022
tuesday 2 galloped off without me
Instead of surfing or scrolling, journal while you wait to have a cavity filled or for your stepson to file out of the locker room. Don't think too hard about what you want to write; just put words on the page. Find a point of departure in your surroundings (the shadow of a tree branch, a whiff of burning wood) and follow the stream of consciousness to its conclusion.
It's been a long time since I said it out loud, so I can't remember if I told you. Light shines through me and I don't feel the rain. Things that go bump in the night? I am one. I can squeeze a scream out of any body. "What IS that thing?!" Shifting shimmer, ghoulie glimmer. Can't pin down what you can't catch. Touch. Look beyond the outline, the person-shape show, what is found there? (I can't tell you. Either you don't, or you know.)
LISTEN hear a howling see me scowling and you think I'm hear to haunt you when I offer you a piece, just a morsel, just a crumb of what brought me to the brink – I'm the one who's haunted, can't unsee what I have seen, can't erase the knowledge that to believe is to perceive. And don't you find it frightening if you ever stop to think that if we built it, we can break it, we can all rewrite the scene: won't sell our labor if you treat us like we're cogs in the machine.
OKAY so it's cliche, rhymes are crimes, but here's the thing– when you're haunted + you know it, you'll try anything to reach the ears + move the feels of everyone you meet. so remember: dusky shadows, muffled moaning, that door too slowly creaks open on its accord were all messages from me–soft reminders to lose yr blinders and remember what you see is just a fraction of a world trapped by rigidity. But if you want it bad enough, it doesn't have to be. Imagine you're beyond all this, that you finally get free to do just what you want to do and be a ghost like me!
Friday, January 14, 2022
letter to them that lost belief
....Consider what you might say now to the person you were when you were 17 or the person you were yesterday: the one who believed it was "too late." Write a letter to that version of yourself, incorporating the techniques you've practiced in each daily prompt: the language you unearthed in your "Where I Come From" piece, the concrete nouns and action verbs you unleashed in your song analysis, the sensory details of your observation, and the lyricism of your ekphrasis.
Honey, you who lies facedown in the ditch, don't eat that dirt. Oh i'm sure it's full of nutritious minerals and worms, but what about the toxic chemical plant just over the fence? Cmon now, up.
Come inside, warm yr Self in the honeyed glow of teatime lamplight. Breathe cool over the hot mug before you kiss it. There. Let the heat sink to your bones. Now do you remember? Your warmth is your strength; your joy, radical, blazes.
Times you'll forget but: the loonier you be, the easier they'll see, and idnt there room for more fools at the party? Don't make it harder for them to find you! There's enough suffering in this world such as it is!
So, spin song out, put dance down. Get pen on paper. Your loud love spills over all containers. Let it. Honey, glow. Do, and you'll--
Honey, you who lies facedown in the ditch, don't eat that dirt. Oh i'm sure it's full of nutritious minerals and worms, but what about the toxic chemical plant just over the fence? Cmon now, up.
Come inside, warm yr Self in the honeyed glow of teatime lamplight. Breathe cool over the hot mug before you kiss it. There. Let the heat sink to your bones. Now do you remember? Your warmth is your strength; your joy, radical, blazes.
Times you'll forget but: the loonier you be, the easier they'll see, and idnt there room for more fools at the party? Don't make it harder for them to find you! There's enough suffering in this world such as it is!
So, spin song out, put dance down. Get pen on paper. Your loud love spills over all containers. Let it. Honey, glow. Do, and you'll--
Thursday, January 13, 2022
inside the violet boudoir
....Find a painting or a sculpture or any work of fine art to admire online and write an ekphrastic response. Ekphrasis is simply writing about art, and I encourage you to write in the form that comes most naturally to you as you study the work.
[content warning: slightly erotic, i got carried away! [also i have no idea if i'm doing this right. [also i cheated and kind of used 2 paintings.]]]
The Interior of the Boudoir by Lily Elbe as Einar Wegener
[content warning: slightly erotic, i got carried away! [also i have no idea if i'm doing this right. [also i cheated and kind of used 2 paintings.]]]
The Interior of the Boudoir by Lily Elbe as Einar Wegener
What violets dropped their petals here? A trail of femme jewels, from the dainty teapot to the gilded mirror. You left hints, scattered as shawls on chairs, but the world at large didn't see you yet. Sure, everybody loves a painting of a nude woman–reasonable and healthy desire, quite. But you echoed a secret in the wallpaper woods: these naked ladies are a mirror, not a window. The Buddha with his back to them must have had a front row seat for the real deal.
You danced home from the party, giddy and spinning, warm with kisses and wine. Not ready to let night's magic slip away, you strummed a tune on the lute while Gerda undressed, until her beauty and smoky sweet scent overcame you. The lute's strings still, you unbuckled your boot, its high heel pressed gently to her clavicle. She finds her way back to the flowers below the skirts. You are no longer "cousin," no longer "husband," just yourself, coming undone, petals. These ruffles form a vignette of the clandestine music you'll one day play for all of Europe: when the Fairy mouths a secret to the Jester, strums the hidden, till she puts her lute down.
NSFW: erotic scene by Gerda Wegener
You danced home from the party, giddy and spinning, warm with kisses and wine. Not ready to let night's magic slip away, you strummed a tune on the lute while Gerda undressed, until her beauty and smoky sweet scent overcame you. The lute's strings still, you unbuckled your boot, its high heel pressed gently to her clavicle. She finds her way back to the flowers below the skirts. You are no longer "cousin," no longer "husband," just yourself, coming undone, petals. These ruffles form a vignette of the clandestine music you'll one day play for all of Europe: when the Fairy mouths a secret to the Jester, strums the hidden, till she puts her lute down.
NSFW: erotic scene by Gerda Wegener
Wednesday, January 12, 2022
park notes
"The question is not what you look at, but what you see." ~ Thoreau
As you wait for a bus or stand in line at the grocery store, imagine that later you will be asked to describe the people and setting surrounding you. Keep a notebook in your pocket and jot down the mannerisms of the cashier or customers beside you. Far more interesting than a person's height or hair color are a person's nervous tics. Body language speaks volumes about character, and like a signature, it is a distinguishing feature. Most importantly for writers, this kind of detail allows us to simultaneously engage our readers' imaginations and reveal truth through our observations. Record the sounds and smells, the feelings and sights in your notebook then tuck it away until you have to time to savor and immortalize them in scene.
As you wait for a bus or stand in line at the grocery store, imagine that later you will be asked to describe the people and setting surrounding you. Keep a notebook in your pocket and jot down the mannerisms of the cashier or customers beside you. Far more interesting than a person's height or hair color are a person's nervous tics. Body language speaks volumes about character, and like a signature, it is a distinguishing feature. Most importantly for writers, this kind of detail allows us to simultaneously engage our readers' imaginations and reveal truth through our observations. Record the sounds and smells, the feelings and sights in your notebook then tuck it away until you have to time to savor and immortalize them in scene.
Peabody Park speaks through yelling fans + screeching tires + booming (hot) box + shrieking children.
Tracksuit Mama tugs the leash of Reluctant Puppy; he won't leave the parking lot. When she lifts him by his front legs, he looks both miserable and stunned.
Sport, is that any way to carry a football? It falls to the yellowed grass.
Dad meticulously wipes down the minivan's interior windshield. Folds the rag. Little circles. He exits, one long headphone cord draped over his shoulder, forgotten, and reaches to scratch the place where it bounces against his back.
One-handed, Lipstick Mama pushes an empty stroller, Big-Bow Baby on her hip, walking westward, eyes squinted against afternoon sun, intent on the nearest picnic table. Baby starts crying.
"Take me home"
Sport walks pressed against Coffee Dad, travel-mug in hand and phone to ear.
Moms wave, but don't talk. An intermittent squeaking from the rusty swingset.
"David! Up! Look up!" Lipstick Mama calls towards the horde of children scuttling along playground equipment. None of them is looking up; she says it straight: "Airplane! Up!" and back to changing BBBaby.
Social Butterfly, tired of the younger kids, spots an opportunity. He deftly runs to the field, not-so-deftly attempts a cartwheel, and positions himself hopefully in a triangle with Starbucks+Son. They manuever south.
Car Dad again wipes the windshield, a green rag this time.
"Nice catch!"
Puppy doesn't wanna leave. Tired Mama leans against the gazebo.
Butterfly returns to the fray with a freshly donned facemask. Again, Sport tackles the ball and won't get up.
The hot-boxers turn down the music and the window. Above the tint, all I see is a red cap.
A garbage bag waves like a flag, dangling from the veiny Oak. Ellie takes my picture from a distance.
Tracksuit Mama tugs the leash of Reluctant Puppy; he won't leave the parking lot. When she lifts him by his front legs, he looks both miserable and stunned.
Sport, is that any way to carry a football? It falls to the yellowed grass.
Dad meticulously wipes down the minivan's interior windshield. Folds the rag. Little circles. He exits, one long headphone cord draped over his shoulder, forgotten, and reaches to scratch the place where it bounces against his back.
One-handed, Lipstick Mama pushes an empty stroller, Big-Bow Baby on her hip, walking westward, eyes squinted against afternoon sun, intent on the nearest picnic table. Baby starts crying.
"Take me home"
Sport walks pressed against Coffee Dad, travel-mug in hand and phone to ear.
Moms wave, but don't talk. An intermittent squeaking from the rusty swingset.
"David! Up! Look up!" Lipstick Mama calls towards the horde of children scuttling along playground equipment. None of them is looking up; she says it straight: "Airplane! Up!" and back to changing BBBaby.
Social Butterfly, tired of the younger kids, spots an opportunity. He deftly runs to the field, not-so-deftly attempts a cartwheel, and positions himself hopefully in a triangle with Starbucks+Son. They manuever south.
Car Dad again wipes the windshield, a green rag this time.
"Nice catch!"
Puppy doesn't wanna leave. Tired Mama leans against the gazebo.
Butterfly returns to the fray with a freshly donned facemask. Again, Sport tackles the ball and won't get up.
The hot-boxers turn down the music and the window. Above the tint, all I see is a red cap.
A garbage bag waves like a flag, dangling from the veiny Oak. Ellie takes my picture from a distance.
Tuesday, January 11, 2022
the knife - tooth for an eye
....After reading "DA ART OF STORYTELLIN'", spend some time listening to music. Find a song that sounds like what you feel but have difficulty articulating....
....When you've settled on a song, try describing the feeling it conjures using concrete language. (Rather than abstractions like beautiful, sad, happy, etc., strive for sensory detail. Use as many action verbs as possible. Create a movie for the soundtrack.)
....When you've settled on a song, try describing the feeling it conjures using concrete language. (Rather than abstractions like beautiful, sad, happy, etc., strive for sensory detail. Use as many action verbs as possible. Create a movie for the soundtrack.)
time travel to 10 years ago, "january 2012." jangle into the routine of ["the state of living death routinely called"] our "real life."* fold into the monotony of modernity, its loping pace, the high hat, the wood block. let the steel drum peal signal the singer, the story teller, the truth sayer, whose keening call pierces through the walls of drumbeats, of hearts. we are cracked open.
this voice hollows/ hollers/ holds/ and won't let go. "look what we have got"– own our privilege and witness disparity. shake our heads at someone else's "bad luck," but secretly believe it will always be this way–the rush, the crush, routine, bleed, forever, "even in the suburbs of Rome!" from wail to screech to pigeon somehow, suddenly buoyant. grief can't land here long.
sway into stacking rhythms, loping forward always, leaning towards next. overworked, micromanaged, drums pounding, on track, see nothing beyond what the algorhythms allow. "release my eyes"–climb above plastic stacked shelves, psychographics, disney abroad. tune into the lifestream, seek human connection, trills–"tell me you." beg to know and be known, swing together brief, somehow be persons.
bass and drum thump/ cut/ gut/ relentless, frantic–try to dance, feel the shift between syncopated beats. can you breathe? this loop is useless, "picking piles of flowers for the flowers' pot" — scooping, grasping, desperate – "it's all that i've got." see the cycle, know its net. despair, rage, yes, but believe.
rhythms slam against each other, crescendo to cacophony, it can't be loud enough. "a tooth for an eye" is a sorry bargain. a child's frustration: overlooked, unheard, clutching tight their knowing, pleading, "i'm telling you stories, trust me."* cling to their trampled truth: "borders lie," no one owns the land, "drawing lines with a ruler" arbitrary, gatekeeping.
stagger toward the roar, revive the steel drum call to arms, revise the line between need and desire. “open my country.” dance toward revolution.
*Jeanette Winterson quotes
this voice hollows/ hollers/ holds/ and won't let go. "look what we have got"– own our privilege and witness disparity. shake our heads at someone else's "bad luck," but secretly believe it will always be this way–the rush, the crush, routine, bleed, forever, "even in the suburbs of Rome!" from wail to screech to pigeon somehow, suddenly buoyant. grief can't land here long.
sway into stacking rhythms, loping forward always, leaning towards next. overworked, micromanaged, drums pounding, on track, see nothing beyond what the algorhythms allow. "release my eyes"–climb above plastic stacked shelves, psychographics, disney abroad. tune into the lifestream, seek human connection, trills–"tell me you." beg to know and be known, swing together brief, somehow be persons.
bass and drum thump/ cut/ gut/ relentless, frantic–try to dance, feel the shift between syncopated beats. can you breathe? this loop is useless, "picking piles of flowers for the flowers' pot" — scooping, grasping, desperate – "it's all that i've got." see the cycle, know its net. despair, rage, yes, but believe.
rhythms slam against each other, crescendo to cacophony, it can't be loud enough. "a tooth for an eye" is a sorry bargain. a child's frustration: overlooked, unheard, clutching tight their knowing, pleading, "i'm telling you stories, trust me."* cling to their trampled truth: "borders lie," no one owns the land, "drawing lines with a ruler" arbitrary, gatekeeping.
stagger toward the roar, revive the steel drum call to arms, revise the line between need and desire. “open my country.” dance toward revolution.
*Jeanette Winterson quotes
Monday, January 10, 2022
southern soup
Read Sally Fisher's poem "Where I Come From." Consider where you 'Come From' and write a prose poem (a paragraph) using words that reflect who you are.
grandma from the Mountains, papa from the Swamp - appalachia and okefenokee white poverties, both their mamas gave up, stopped talking. imagine 11 kids and no indoor plumbing, no options. to heck with this! i oughta give em credit for all they'done but selfish, all i see is me - how it woulda been had it not been this - what if i was a child of a civil war soldier (deserter after he got bayoneted in the head and took for dead - he walked home) and had nothing for me but marriage and babies and 'parently hereditary chemical depression. already! how far back, ya think? and when did the anxiety get worked in? did it start when granny's italy-to-mississippi immigrated dad, a barber, got given the wrong heart pills by the pharmacist, a drunk, and it killed him? or did it come by way of a ranger's watch tower, granddaddy alone in the woods in the high humid air of old natchez trace, spyin for a sign of fire? if they learnt it, did i get it? or was it in us all along? they say how you were in yr gramma - how yr mama's fetus grew its eggs, the only ones to last a lifetime, and one of em was you - so what did grandma learn me then in 1955, not 2 years since the drunk doctor miscarried her child during labor? i tell it like the drunks are all Those'uns, but truth be told, we got em too. and when and how does that start, and when and how does that end? misuse of alcohol, depression, GAD, PTSD, OCD, ADD, all those damn abbrevs. as far as i can see, the only way it ends is me. rest easy y'all, i set you free!
grandma from the Mountains, papa from the Swamp - appalachia and okefenokee white poverties, both their mamas gave up, stopped talking. imagine 11 kids and no indoor plumbing, no options. to heck with this! i oughta give em credit for all they'done but selfish, all i see is me - how it woulda been had it not been this - what if i was a child of a civil war soldier (deserter after he got bayoneted in the head and took for dead - he walked home) and had nothing for me but marriage and babies and 'parently hereditary chemical depression. already! how far back, ya think? and when did the anxiety get worked in? did it start when granny's italy-to-mississippi immigrated dad, a barber, got given the wrong heart pills by the pharmacist, a drunk, and it killed him? or did it come by way of a ranger's watch tower, granddaddy alone in the woods in the high humid air of old natchez trace, spyin for a sign of fire? if they learnt it, did i get it? or was it in us all along? they say how you were in yr gramma - how yr mama's fetus grew its eggs, the only ones to last a lifetime, and one of em was you - so what did grandma learn me then in 1955, not 2 years since the drunk doctor miscarried her child during labor? i tell it like the drunks are all Those'uns, but truth be told, we got em too. and when and how does that start, and when and how does that end? misuse of alcohol, depression, GAD, PTSD, OCD, ADD, all those damn abbrevs. as far as i can see, the only way it ends is me. rest easy y'all, i set you free!
introductions forum
hey there buddies
i'm a busted queer millennial fool, hunkered down in my hometown of memphis, tennessee, though i have previously lived in baltimore, ATX, humboldt county, the blue ridge mountains, and nola. all along, i've been pingponging the pendulum of art and activism, with the attention span of a fruit fly on the produce aisle. one day i hope to figure out how to do both at once.
i've got a lot of words: scripts, lyrics, lines (hardly passable as poems), blogs, 2 published movie reviews, and 2 many journals. as a young adult, i had a whole philosophy about why i wouldn't take a writing class, but luckily that guy's a ghost now and we figured it's high time to bury the hatchet. also i would like to establish a ~practice~ as they say and maybe even finish something! or start something finishable.
i confess i am more a fiction reader, generally, but recently i've enjoyed cindy crabb, kate bornstein, and eileen myles. i also love the memoirs of maxine hong kingston, patti smith, and jeanette winterson.
typically i prefer writing like this, sans captials, but i understand that it's harder for some folks to read so i will try to get over myself and tell my pinkie that it must shift. once it understands what we're doing here, i think it'll be just as excited as everyone else. the tactile joy of typing! i could go on! but probably i should use this energy for the prompt. i wonder if i can edit this.
anyway i'm happy/nervous/bumbling to be here and i'm looking forward to diving into everyone's work!
EDIT: i wanted to add this piece by daniel lavery as a favorite, even though i personally love possums.
i'm a busted queer millennial fool, hunkered down in my hometown of memphis, tennessee, though i have previously lived in baltimore, ATX, humboldt county, the blue ridge mountains, and nola. all along, i've been pingponging the pendulum of art and activism, with the attention span of a fruit fly on the produce aisle. one day i hope to figure out how to do both at once.
i've got a lot of words: scripts, lyrics, lines (hardly passable as poems), blogs, 2 published movie reviews, and 2 many journals. as a young adult, i had a whole philosophy about why i wouldn't take a writing class, but luckily that guy's a ghost now and we figured it's high time to bury the hatchet. also i would like to establish a ~practice~ as they say and maybe even finish something! or start something finishable.
i confess i am more a fiction reader, generally, but recently i've enjoyed cindy crabb, kate bornstein, and eileen myles. i also love the memoirs of maxine hong kingston, patti smith, and jeanette winterson.
typically i prefer writing like this, sans captials, but i understand that it's harder for some folks to read so i will try to get over myself and tell my pinkie that it must shift. once it understands what we're doing here, i think it'll be just as excited as everyone else. the tactile joy of typing! i could go on! but probably i should use this energy for the prompt. i wonder if i can edit this.
anyway i'm happy/nervous/bumbling to be here and i'm looking forward to diving into everyone's work!
EDIT: i wanted to add this piece by daniel lavery as a favorite, even though i personally love possums.
Sunday, August 29, 2021
personal essay week 5 - folks i might have been (unfinished)
CHANGELING
because i took too long and came out wrong. a dry birth. then blistered itchy angry. hold me heal me never leave me. “didn’t i come to bring you a sense of wonder?” doctors said marble cake and mutant. Trina Schart Hyman said i looked like a fairy baby and mama said she was right. after all, she should know, go and see. but i didn’t, couldn’t know, not yet. i only knew: lesions, discomfort, this world wasn’t made for me.
WATER SPRITE
CROUCHED in moss and caked in mud and soaking sprouting to the sun
BRING the hose over puddle the clover fountain spray and rainbow days
LAUGH the salt sea through yr nose wriggling tickling pond minnows
moisture pleasure gangly dancer
ropes of water twist and wind
sit in trees on rainy days
watch the stream run down the drain
a whole world in the moss
sometimes flying!
MONSTER
oh i only grew smaller. everyone else got taller. lonely little mutant. never knew what went on at parties, never made friends easy, and then i stopped speaking. i missed all the teachings, both classroom and playground, how my breasts would grow round, too soon and too much, examining tufts of new hair down there and compare to the diagram to see where i stand -- is this when i’m called woman?
and then i stopped speaking. undiagnosed anxiety, depression, and ADD, unrelastic expectations, abstience-only sex education, pimpled lonely and confused, i came to the conclusions that i was built wrong, that i would never be loved, but most definitely never make a baby. i won’t continue the cycle of genes that make me want to die, pitted skin and missing teeth, monster mutant coward creep.
HYDRA
we roared to life in the mid-early aughts, all fire and spit, chomping at the bit. our ideas, countless and unrestrained. you'd think it would be difficult for us to bite off more than we could chew, between three mouths. maybe we just didn't have the stomach for it.
we slid into a story: built the world so we could tell it, lived in it so we could share it. meanwhile, made out, tripped out, fell down, banged about, raged, and connived, in various configurations of one and two and three. always a party. well, until
i can't go on like this. it's too much it's too much. i can't breathe through the poison. i can't see the swan.
"OH YES YOU WILL AND YOU HAD BETTER SHIP SHAPE SOON" came the voices of my like minds, one in each ear. i had fallen, shriveled, i'd been cut off. they wouldn't hear that i was done. like rising from the dead, like Euripedes said, when i came back up, now i was two heads. once three, now four, surely we could tell the story, if we put our minds to it, even bigger than before. grow the world, live the tale, multiply each time we fail.
(when you fell, we pretended not to miss you. what's just one head, anyway? we are legion, leviathan, unstoppable by now. it was as if you were merely sleeping. maybe that was true, but the balance was askew, and the remaining first two couldn't manage without their third. the same poison slithers through our shared blood. you couldn't stay down long. up you sprang, a lucky thing, with two new points of view.)
a polycephalitic wonder, from three to one to hundreds, we forged ourself when we attempted creation. all we wanted was to bring out a story's essence, to see our hero's life through. to make it real, we lived it -- and its completion meant our end. the hero found our weakness: she had been our only purpose, but we made her independent. when she was done, she didn't need us. the hero had the better story. the story finished us.
TRICKSY PISKIE // GOBLIN??
whisk up the biscuit mix spoon it out in shoes
fridge door open
oops wrong room
paw through tumped out trash crash into every owl
smoke butts, only
butts taste awful
late night possum pizza party where were you?
dawn wants squatters
bed loves noon
don’t talk about next week, it’s only saturday
some thing wicked?
come this way
climb up the mountainside, never reach the top
they blew it up
to reach the rock
pissed in jensen in the stall wide open
bird bone rotten
oak leaf awesome
french broad river
ice white soup
cows’ calls penetrate walls, sing up to the moon
pick through pasture
trip on shrooms
cows low solo sows’ woes good luck sleeping through it
show up christian
go home druid
WITCH
and i don’t mean some instagram crystals manifest #blessed self-serving bullSHIT. leave me out of it. i wonder if anyone’s ever been scared of you. “why should they be? i’m one of the good ones!” pshhhhh you are the ancestor of colonizers. you are the product of genocide. and when you talk to your spirits, you ask for MORE?? do you ever consider what you could offer? not the wine and herbs on your table, not the exchange you make for your own blessing. what are you willing to sacrifice?
when i crawled out of the bog, and i saw the world i’d come back to, i cried. the ache of emptiness overpowered me. i wailed as i pulled sticks out of my tangled hair, grieving for the barren land. palms and forehead pressed to the earth, i moaned, drank dirt, made mud of tears. here, sing a song to soothe, find ways to patch the wounds. comfrey and yarrow to mend, fire and smoke to clear. implore the elements to guide me, make me strong, so that i might return their strength threefold.
i see far and wide, it’s too much, all wrong.
take the day off and put the night on. the moon’s familiar face warms, reminds me that we will keep moving, we have to. we are not always getting better, bigger; we grow in all directions. i love the moon, and the moon loves me back: knowing this sends me spinning through trees, a drop of ink spilling into the night, hungry, ready, ((holding space and growing power))
GHOST
SHOWED UP
WHERE THEY SHOULDN’T
WHEN YOU COULDN’T
GIVE HEART OF STRONG TRUTH
GET HEALED ON SILLY THINGS
GO HOME OR STOP TRYING
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