hayden played "hey mr. beifuss" on WEVL today. yeah baby. now i'm a rock n roll star.

KATHERINE HAS BEEN HERE (BASICALLY) SINCE THURSDAY AFTERNOON WHEN I GOT BACK FROM ASHEVILLE. WE HAVE BEEN SITTING HERE (BASICALLY) THE WHOLE TIME. WE HAVE BEEN EDITING HAMLET, NO FUCKING JOKE. I'M GOING CRAZY.

got back home yesterday afternoon. then katherine came over to edit. she spent the night and we just woke up. i'm starving!

asheville is great and warren wilson is beautiful!!

stayed here a thousand years

i'm definitely on my laptop in our lovely holiday inn hotel. this is super hott. i've got a free piece of coffee and a cookie and i'm about to edit some hambone while mom takes a nap before we go to dinner. asheville (the surrounding area, anyway) is so beautiful.. filled with green mountains and sweet air. it's not even that cold, even though the forecast is evil for tomorrow. mom and i were expecting much worse. i just talked to brandon on the phone for a few minutes, which was nice. i lay in the bathtub and accidentally turned the faucet on with my feet once or twice. woops. now i'm wet. ho ho ho.
did you know how many great songs there are about supermarkets? it's amazing.

listening to: salvador deli - grocery

strong women gripe and bite your heavy tongues

i recommend that everyone definitely go see "robots" not only because it is a funny little movie, but because william joyce (one of my favorite illustrators as a child) designed it. and it is sooooo amazing. not only does it look just like one of his paintings, but the animation is also really good. the quality of his work doesn't get lost in the translation, which is so great. it's really inventive. and made me happy. so see it.
today is nutty. i don't know where it went.... LA spent the night last night. we had the weirdest triple feature of all time: kill bill vol. 2, boys don't cry, and high times' potluck. WHAT THE FUCK!? we ate three-cheese bagel bites, gushers, circus peanuts, and cherry coke. it was gruesome and phenomenal. we spooned our way into sleep and she left early this morning. at which point mom decided we were going to wait until tomorrow to leave for asheville, because she was stressed out. which is probably good since i hadn't gotten anything done on that writing scholarship mess and 905723 other things. which i guess i should continue to work on right now. if you have any last minute helpful hints, let me know. but no one is really around so. fuck ya.

listening to: 50 foot wave - clara bow

as high as she pulls her hat down low

THIS IS A HOSTAGE SITUATION


listening to: belly - thief

There are two muffins baking in an oven, and the first muffin says, “Oh my god, we’re in an oven!” and the second muffin says, “Oh my god, a talking muffin!”

i need your lovin like the sunshine

this week has been INSANE. i don't even know how to describe it. katherine and i have been shooting and editing hamlet all week. thank you thank you to everyone who was in it or put up with us laughing about meat puns or let us film in their grocery store.... we love you to death and we're eternally indebted. we shot the last scene on thursday night, and actually stayed home on wednesday to edit, although we only got one or two scenes done during the day. then we ran into some really horrible computer problems and so everything became a lot more difficult to finish. katherine talked to ms. wyatt, who was very sympathetic and asked us to just turn in the script for now. we're going to work madly to finish over break. mom and i are leaving tomorrow or monday (we're very unorganized) to visit warren wilson college, which i got an acceptance email from last saturday. it was very nice and totally personal. they are very nice. i need to enter their creative writing scholarship too so i need to get some things together... any suggies? (help!) i guess i will take my laptop and the Jerry harddrive with me on our trip and edit in the hotel room... katherine left for oberlin on friday morning. i hope everything is going well for her! she emailed me last night and sounded very happy. everything will be perfect, i know i know.
last night morgan finally had her star wars party with eileen, sara foot, lena, mouse, emma, bekka, and newman. great times were had by all. lots of nutso cookies were consumed. and robin's eggs. mmmm. i had my first ever cherry vanilla dr. pepper or some craziness. the original is definitely better.
i just ordered a bunch of shit from amazon. i am the awesome. everything is nuts. i should run away.

listening to: the korgis - everybody's got to learn sometime

under the bullshit radar, i came to find you

today at school was not bad. i just read our beautiful hamlet script in every class and tried really hard to de-nervous-y myself by starting a shooting schedule, listing names of groceries, and even editing the script a little bit. i don't think my small changes will make it even as far as the set, but it was comforting to do. so after school, katherine went home to get her aprons and came back to school at 3:10. hamlet, morgan, sallis, and i piled into her car and drove directly across the street to shnuck's. we got all decked out in the parking lot and made all these preparations for like half an hour. we finally went in and decided the place is hideous. we split and ran to super-lo. we actually decided to ask if we could film there ("it's a school project!") but they have some weird legal issues with it in case one of us gets hurt...? so we went to the piggly wiggly by LA's house. we were going to go to the big star, but sallis couldn't find it. and this piggly wiggly turned out so beautifully.... it was pretty amazing. all the people there (employees and customers alike) were really sweet to us. some guys stacking potatoes even wanted to be in it. but they runnoft. unfortunately it took us a really long time to get to our perfect location, but once we were there, everything was smooth sailing. i was kind of upset that we didn't even get an entire scene shot, because morgan had to be home by 5:30 so she could get ready for eileen's birthday. it sucks that these things had to be on the same night, but ah, such is the life. she and newman left for the party, and katherine and i had dinner at young avenue deli. i'd eaten a lard cookie, so i didn't enjoy my food as much as i should have. but you know. we had a really great conversation. i guess we must've been there a long time... who can say? we got home and worked from about 8:30 to 12:30 straight. as i've said before, katherine and i work well together because we're both perfectionists and good at compromise. that's what makes everything ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT. it's pretty terrifying that it took so long to edit just three pieces of scenes, though. i'm pretty worried. but as long as we can stick to our new shooting schedule, i can maybe do some of the editing on my own while katherine toots her horn next week. we'll see. i'm still really nervous though. we're going to try and do the whole thing at that one store, which we weren't considering doing before. i hope it works out. we will give them a copy when it's done.
tomorrow's (incredibly rough) schedule:
11am -- scene 1 and 2 (newman, alanna)
12pm -- scene 6 (newman, alanna, katherine)
1pm -- scene 11 (newman, alanna, katherine)
2pm -- scene 3 (sallis, mr. dohan, morgan)
3pm -- scene 9 (newman, alanna, mr. dohan)
4pm -- scene 4 (newman, alanna, mr. dohan, morgan)
5pm -- scenes 10 and 12 (morgan)
that will all change tomorrow, i can tell you that much. but if you're on the list, could you please show up? thanks. we'll call if we're crazy behind. but hopefully we'll have a lot of time to run around and shoot all the extra stuff that's not really included on the schedule. i'm PRETTY DAMN WORRIED. the more i think about it, the worse it gets. so i guess i should set my alarm clock for 8:30 and get to bed. sigh.


listening to: kristin hersh - deep wilson

can i sleep in your shadow?

what a long night. katherine and i started writing the rest of "hamlet" over the phone at probably about 8:30. maybe 8? it is now 2:15. i am going to go to sleep without opening my backpack, i believe. what's the point anymore, anyway? obviously this english project is ruling my life. obviously 50 points for a project grade is HUGE compared to every other class i'm taking and tests and assignments. i life in their faces. ho ho ho i laugh at you! i'm going nuts. i haven't been up this late on a school night in quite a while. fuck. well hamlet is brilliant, anyway. if you want to read it, let us know. i hope it all translates well to film. it would if we had more time and better resources, but... i love bootleg, so. it's going to be awesome. if you are newman, sallis, brock, morgan, or my parents, we need you for as much time as you can spare tomorrow and saturday. PLEASE. we're buying all the food, how could you possibly say no?
lauren dunn's birthday party is saturday night. i can't wait.

listening to: nedelle - the natural night

i LOVE love songs.

you bought a new bag of pot
so let's make a new start
and that's the way to my heart
(hand claps)

listening to: spoon - the way we get by

wake up early and you live to regret it

just got home from the factory (i.e. just got off the phone with katherine from writing two grueling scenes of hamlet) and this little head is aching for the pillow. unfortunately i still have to finish reading Heart of Darkness and... oh, i don't know, doing god knows what. whatever it is that i do that makes it impossible for me to get to sleep on time. how does it get so late these days?

listening to: modest mouse & 764-hero - whenever you see fit

i can't consider

i feel like hell. i stayed home again today, and i'm glad i did. i don't have anything to say except for that i had a good weekend until about 7:30 last night at which point my stomach became my enemy. i got in bed and couldn't fall asleep until like 11 or so. and then i slept badly all night. i'm very sick. i hate life.

listening to: interpol - PDA

sprint across the wire

i love kristin hersh. i love music. i love life.
isn't this the coolest thing ever created? someone should buy it for me. or at least contribute a dollar to the why-the-fuck-is-it-all-the-way-in-london fund.
i know i asked already but has anyone thought of a book to start off the book club with? katherine sort of suggested the bell jar, but obviously i finished that. i'm really restless and am in no hurry to read chapter 7 of the ap psych book. i feel like there's a thousand things i should've been doing today. usually if you're absent for two days in a row you have a bit of make up work. but my assignbook is sickeningly (gloriously) empty. ah well. i was so bored in school today, i almost shot my face open. the past week i'd been reading every chance i got and today i felt tired and dead. and sick. i forgot to take my day-quil, which was a bad move.
i got invited to another pono party tomorrow night. i don't have anything to wear though, so i might not be able to go.
i know this is weird of me to be asking, in a way, but is anyone going to bonnaroo? i might actually go.... seriously.
brandon saw modest mouse on sunday. he shook isaac's hand. tomorrow he is seeing blonde redhead and interpol. we aren't on speaking terms.

listening to: 50 foot wave - your ghost

it's safe to say

yesterday i stayed home again. i was so bored, i read the entirety of "the bell jar." i hate being so critical, but i was admittedly pretty disappointed. anyone care to discuss? please say yes before i forget the whole thing.
katherine (dohan) called and invited me to dinner with her and katherine (warren) at pho saigon. i had some lovely soup and we tried to think of things to do for the "hamlet" parody. it was going badly. we went to ck's for coffee and cloves. i somehow came up with the concept of setting the whole film in a grocery store, which katherine latched onto as genius. well i sure hope it is genius, because i'd like to do a good job with this movie. anyway, i was so proud, i ordered another coffee and a grilled cheese to fuel my brain. now we are on a roll. i'm worried, though, because katherine is leaving for st. olaf tomorrow and will be leaving for oberlin a couple days before hte project is due. so we have to finish early and i don't know. i hope we survive.
today i went back to school. i was really dreading it, having not gone to school in almost a week. but it was okay.
i've got no plans whatsoever for the weekend. oh yeah, pink floyd light show on saturday night. the last one ever in memphis, run by our own brett hanover. we've all gotta go. tomorrow is senior out to lunch. i think we're going to quizno's, then gibson's. i'm excited. although i'd rather go to young avenue deli. anyone want to venture over there with me sometime soon? say yes.
my report card is surprisingly good. isn't that hysterical? i'm about to go to baskin robbins with mom and morgan. weeooo!

listening to: sonic youth - candle

ain't got no use for your red apple juice

i feel like crap. i'm trying to eat pizza and drink chamomile tea. you'd think this would be a disgusting combination, but it doesn't really taste like anything so i'm not minding. today i felt like crap. my head is clouded up and i can't think. i hope to be better soon. fuck this shit.

listening to: the be good tanyas - rain and snow

take your aim, hit your mark

yet again, i apologize for not blogging in so long. more than a week. geez. i wonder why i try. this week was okay, i guess? monday was valentine's day and therapy. after school on tuesday, margaret, brock, and i hung out at the vintage mcdonald's and marquette park. on wednesday brock and i had chai at starbucks. thursday was solely dedicated to making an interrobang video with katherine, brock, and brett; i didn't get started on my homework until really late, and after a call from william, i gave up. friday, our video didn't even get shown. after school, a strange group consisting of me, brock, brett, LA, john r, and elise (?) went to get hawaian shaved ice and spent forever doing nothing in the parking lot. the core four took a mini road trip to rossville. not exactly houston, but it was good times. we walked around a bit before breaking into this abandoned building that was at one point a school, then something like storage for a bunch of bikes and motorcycles. the most recent stuff in there were all these huge garbage bags filled with crushed soda cans. we found a lot of really cool shit, and everybody brought a little something home. i snagged a little box thing and a very cool motorcycle helmet. we got some records, letters, photos, signs, etc. we walked down a little nature trail by the wolf river until it got dark. we wanted to eat dinner at the wolf river cafe but the whole damn town was there, and we would've had to wait an hour to eat, and we didn't really have enough money. we drove a little bit out of the town and lay on a sleeping back looking at stars. my mom called and told me that she was with our cat grandpa at the vet. he'd had a liver failure and had, apparently for a while now, some kind of kidney cancer. it was so surprising, so sudden. he was such a sweet cat, huge, and with the loudest purr i've ever heard. perfect for us when we were in third grade, and carried him around in ways no other cat would allow. brittany, morgan, and i loved him because he would run to us when we snapped our fingers (brittany named him Snapper). when we found him, i secretly hoped he was pregnant. the cat we were never supposed to own. we felt sorry for him because his family moved away and didn't take him with them. we started feeding him, took him into our home in the winter, moved to this house with him. morgan and i attributed his laziness (he would recline on the kitchen floor, and pull little food bits out of his bowl onto the floor next to his mouth, and basically inhale them) to his late night adventures. who knows what went on in house basements, in bushes, under the light of streetlamps? he'd take his time coming home, and sit on the window sill meowing until someone opened the door and fed him. he had this look that he was constantly bored, above all of us, but humored us all the same. he was a fox. he got high on catnip and didn't come down from the top of the kitty condo for hours. mom says he was younger than i had calculated... only 9 or 10, although it's all speculative. there's no one who disliked that cat. i hope his life with us was happy. i hope he wasn't angry with us for not noticing his pain or for putting him to sleep on friday night. our other cat has barely left my side since then. she's fairly perceptive, and i think she knew immediately that grandpa was not going to come home. now she doesn't have a bathing buddy or a friend to venture out onto the backyard with. i hadn't really seen much of him lately, but now that i think about it, he hadn't been very active. i wonder if something could've happened differently if we'd noticed sooner. not that we could have afforded it. but maybe he preferred it this way, staying at home with his family until the end.
i debated going home after mom called me, but there was nothing i could really do there except be sad. so i tried not to think about it too much while we ate dinner at popeye's and then watched ferngully at LA's house. we had a short and disconnected conversation about philosophy. LA drove me home around 11:30. i went straight to bed. i woke up on saturday around 10 with my cat at the foot of the bed. mom and i spent a little while talking on the couch. i love my mom. we are very similar. she took me and lauren to see bad education, where brock also met us. it was a great movie and i recommend that you go out to see it if you get a chance. morgan fox had been in the theatre and we said hello briefly. he's a really nice man. we should take "much finer" to him soon, i think. mom drove lauren home, and we stopped by raffe's deli to buy some hommus. we tried to rent the motorcycle diaries, as we are both in love with gael garcia however you say it, but it was out at blockbuster. so we came home, ordered camy's pizza, and watched the discreet charm of the bourgeoisie which mom had given too me for valentine's day. it was funny and strange. mom got in bed to read, and, even though it was really early, i accidentally fell asleep next to her. i was woken up when morgan and dad got home from the play, and i was really tired so i went and got in my own bed. after that, it took me a really long time to fall back asleep. i should've taken some nyquil. my cold has been getting unfortunately worse. i guess i fell asleep at some point because i was awoken when my phone started ringing. LA called asking if she and john could come over and borrow a movie. they arrived a few minutes later, and i tried to help them find something. i hope they had a good night with memento, junior, and both bill and ted movies. i went back to bed after they left but stayed awake forever. sunday i woke up before 10 somehow, feeling more sick. made chai for morgan and i, to soothe our throats, and watched the newsies with her and mom. i sat around reading and eating hommus for a while, then took a nap for something like three hours. when i woke up i felt miserable and looked around for something to eat, but to no avail. eventually i had some reheated pizza and a vanilla coke. brock and sallis arrived at the same time to watch adapatation. has anyone seen that? want to talk about it? sallis and brock didn't see it the same way i did. i suck at movies, though. they went home at the same time. morgan and i sat in the kitchen eating thin mints while i heated up a cup of the chai that i made way too much on accident. she and i talked for a really long time into the night. we always get worked up if we talk for too long. we went to bed eventually. i was woken up abrutly, early this morning (before 8 haha) by a thunderstorm. i hate thunder. it really scares me and makes me feel like a little kid. i realized as i woke up a little more than i couldn't really breathe through my nose, and that my ceiling was dripping a little puddle of water. the drip only lasted for a few minutes, thank god, and not for the whole storm. how weird though. i got up and finished reading "the funnies" which is a book brandon gave me for christmas. it was really good. now i can't wait to start the book club!! does anyone have any suggestions for what we start off with? the tentative reading list includes the bell jar, the fountainhead, east of eden, the rainbow, franny and zooey, and brave new world. the members (whoever they turn out to be) will take turns picking the book, and my mom is going to mediate the discussions. i am very very excited. don't fuck up! right now i should probably be doing homework or something.

listening to: cerveris - SPCA

stick it to the m-a-n, man

anyone want to drive to houston to see modest mouse on the three-day weekend? of course you do. now if you WILL, it's another story. ho hum. i tried. had a nice weekend. a lot of at-home time that didn't bother me. i got a lovely knit hat from brittany in the mail. what a great birthday present! it's so soft and nice. friday was a half day. i learned a LOT sitting in the gym while the beauty pageant happened on the other side of the school. puhlease. i can't say enough about how much i hate that bullshit. so brock and i people-watched (trevor, where are you?) until jeff wagner introduced himself to us. after school, sallis, katherine, brett, eileen, lena, and i went to (east) memphis pizza cafe. i love that shit. then sallis, brett, and i had milkshakes at java. mine was cinnamon and, of course, glorious. then sallis took me home and i sat around. brett showed up at our house right before we left for the play. i got a chai at starbucks. mom got coffee so that she could stay awake for the play haha. she didn't even get to see it, though, because she had to run the house and didn't want to come in late. it was fun though, i had a nice time. afterwards no one could decide what to do, so we just danced at theatreworks for a long time. i came home and bumbled. on saturday i had a hummus pita and a grilled cheese for lunch with my lovely mother. in fact, i bumbled quite a lot. at 5:45 brett came over and we bumbled simultaneously. finally we called brock to make him decide what to do. he was about to see finding neverland with alice, so we showed up for that, although we couldn't sit with them because we got there so late. the movie was good although brett and i nearly starved to death. and then, of course, alice and brock had already eaten, so we starved some more. we then drove to theatreworks in the rain and, after (to brett's dismay) some dancing, we got together a group of 11 people and walked over to ihop. when i discovered that over half of our company wasn't going to eat, i ordered THE BIG BASIC to make up for it. despite everything, our waiter was very sweet and patient, and we had a lovely time. then i came home and bumbled. a late night phone call made me happy. today was nothing at all, i've forgotten it. except for spending two hours at the library hanging out with lauren d, my favorite person. we got chais and she checked out some books from the classics section, for fun. it was nice and we didn't even attempt the math project. ho ho ho. nothing else happened. june bug ate my fucking shoe, and chewed up some computer cables so now we only have the internet on one computer. DESPAIR. proving thoughts are cyclic, i've again been thinking about how much i hate fake shit. especially when people pull that stuff. it has just been bothering me more than normal. almost everything seems forced, even most music that i usually like. so mostly i can only listen to pixies and kristin hersh. in an attempt to better my world and yours, i ask you to PLEASE DON'T BE FAKE AROUND ME. for one thing, i can't handle it anymore. it's really trying on my emotions, to be constantly puzzling over what people actually think about me. the past few months have been rough sailing, partly because of that. i don't want to be someone who's super concerned with what people think about me, but i'd like to be certain that my friends like me. when i don't feel like my friends like me, things are not good. if you don't like me, go away. that's something i can deal with on my own. actually i'd rather have no friends than false friends. it's a really sad thing to witness... i guess in a lot of groups there's someone people don't really like, and just keep them around. everybody's too fucking insecure. anyway i know that i'm a really irritating person, so i guess i don't really need that pointed out so much as i need people not to pretend i'm not. if that makes any sense. mm i want community, not selfishness. i just want reality, nothing false anymore. as keats once gushed, "beauty is truth, truth beauty." i used to have a big purple button that said "beauty is truth" but it broke. i loved that pin. i tried to keep the pieces, but i lose everything. ooh i just found an arrowhead in the deep clay dirt of the computer desk. is that lucky?

still ain't got no driver's license

to blog... is pain. agowpihgpwohei. i figured i'd update because i find myself strangely lacking in things to do. i'm sure it's a lie. tomorrow is queen of clubs, plotted perfectly on a half day. so we have no class. so i have no homework. i finished frankenstein. it is a good book. i recommend poetry by adrienne rich. i recommend "the score" by fugees. i recommend listening to minnie proctor's new mp3s. and while i'm at it, i should go ahead and plug our BEAUTIFUL cd swap site by mentioning how well it's going. especially the big list which i finished messing with last night. if you haven't sent me your list, please do it. because i love you. and to those of you who know about the site and have already made some requests, don't worry. i'm on it.

listening to: themselves - paging dr. moon or gun