i'm going to try and take my driving permit test thing tomorrow, with a very low knowledge level. everyone wish me luck! aya!

brock called to ask me a question about math homework. so obviously, we stayed on the phone for four hours. and we only stopped because his phone died. holy christ, i love the boy.

we're no longer winning any drums on ebay. this pleases me.
catching up quickly... monday was a half-day. we didn't do anything because you really can't on a half day. afterwards, i went to lunch at rafferty's with sallis, brock, and alice. i love those kids... then we came to my house, where morgan, eileen, and foot were hiding. we watched a few music videos and things before katherine came to meet us. we rerecorded the "hamster lovin" song because in the old version, we were all really tired, and inappropriate laughter in the middle. sallis also added a hamster rap bridge. ooh excitement. after sallis and eileen left, and morgan and foot went off to explore math homework, the concept of the day finally came around. basically, "band practice" consisted of bidding on drumsets on ebay. katherine, alice, and brock thought up a nice concept for a song though, which we recorded so that no one would forget it. after katherine and alice left, brock and i hung out for a little while before heading over to his house where he ate and his family further deepened their suspicions that i'm anorexic. then we drove over to eudora churchy and sat with hunter to enjoy the music of memphis youth symphony. katherine and alice were lovely! bravo bravo! the concert ended somewhat late, but i was a bad girl and stayed talking longer than i should've. dad called and asked if they could come get me, and i said to pick me up at brock's because we were just leaving. none of us had realized that it was 10. mom had to pick me up, and she was sick. i don't know why dad didn't do it. we got caught by a train and some old people and didn't get home until 10:45. i felt really horrible, and shut up in the bathroom for a while. you know how that is. bathrooms are my depressed place, if you were not aware. anyway. i went to bed pretty much without doing any homework.
this was supposed to be a quick update. fuck's sake.
tuesday was shit. i don't want to go into that at all. the end.
today was worse shit. it all carried over from the increasingly horrible last night, and today i faked happy, which made it worse. telling you guys that i was faking it is a definitely bad idea. because it defeats the purpose. but hahaha i don't care because i'm saying it for me, and not you. anyway. it was awful. so awful, that because i was in a horrible mood after 6th period, becca invited me over to her house for post-school happy time. kevin and laylee took us to her house, and on the way we ate kevin's 34-day old pizza that had been cooking in the back of his car. we had a bit, until becca threw that shit out the window. oh how pepperonis fly. we got to becca's, grabbed the dog, and hopped along to the gas station for a chex mix/cheetos/dr pepper run where we offended some grumpy middle-aged woman by trying to double park. talking to becca is great. she is an amazing listener, talker, and confidence-installer. plus that bitch is hysterical. we hung out until 5:30, and i had a wonderful wonderful time... i hope she did too. i am excited about our saturday night night with layleekins. ewaohgpohiwe the phone is ringing, hang on kids.

listening to: the news

i want to die.

katherine, the scandaliz vandalistz, and i are currently bidding on four different drum sets on ebay. now that it's happening, i don't want us to win anything just because the shipping will be more expensive than we calculated, and the drums will not be what we thought, and anyway hunter said it's easy to make a cheap drumset just going to yardsales, and i'm worried that we might accidentally win TWO kits, and god damn it. the porch ghouls' entire drumset is a suitcase with a tambourine on it. come the fuck on. how much can we ask for?

puppy, put the skirt on. make me forget who i thought you were (the hip cat of my nightmares) until you devotedly scratched at my door, and every day for two months, howled to the shell of me. trickster, love bites dissolved my chains between your teeth, you melted ice with sugar.

puppy, take the skirt off in my dreams: become my faithful lump. you're a regular visitor in my head these days-- again you stalk in, look around, find a nice clean spot and settle down, shed all over the fucking carpet. how am i supposed to keep this place up, since now you wanna be my dog?

come home, puppy

i feed you under the table straight from my hand, your tongue greasing my palm in its search for the difference between me and the salt. after dinner, you present me with collar and leash, begging night's adventures. when we crawl back in through the broken window, we

come home puppies wet with rain and reeking of grass. so what if we spent all night chasing after cars, sniffing lamp posts, waiting for a bus that never came? we curl up at the foot of the matress and gently whimper into sleep as the moon turns into sugar.

yikes. i'm in trouble.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LA!

i attempted to meet up with my english group at 2pm at the library. i couldn't find them for like 10 minutes. it sucked. finally, i caught becky in the cafe. i ordered a caffe mocha. mmm. i tipped the guy because he was nice and cute. we worked way too hard on that dinky-ass project. i was irritated that i had to miss yogurt. brock picked me up when we finished working, and we drove around on a wild search for coffee. i love that damn boy. we listened to 5 6 7 8's and sleater-kinney. he needs new cds though. nothing in the car really fit the mood. we stopped at java and laughed at our old life. the photographs weren't that bad, actually. i'm a sucker for amazing colors. we were driving down cooper singing (he was corin and i was carrie) when we noticed that william and becca were in the other lane, with daniell trailing behind. we followed them to the parking lot of media co-op where we talked for a few minutes. i hope we weren't too annoying. i think i was being really obnoxious. brock and i finally found coffee at ... starbucks. ahha. there were no seats so we had to sit in his car in the parking lot and drink our caffe mochas. guys, i've now had FOUR caffe mochas in THREE days. this is getting sick. brock drove me home and he reviewed my latest mix. i am worried that alice won't like it, and i was annoyed with myself for repeating songs that brock put on her mix. i don't know why i didn't ask him. oh i remember why. it was damn 11pm when i made it. oh well. it was a very nice day. sallis called, and i love him. he sent me a carnation. i don't know if i said that, but i should have. he is the sweetest thing.

listening to: ima robot - alive

band practice is cancelled. that is sad. except that it's just postponed till tomorrow. hooray!!! does anyone want to drum for SV? anybody have some drums they don't need? god damn.
i have to go to the library and do a stupid project. gag gag gag. i hate waxy wexy.

.the first paragraph is rated G for gross and graphic. tonight i discovered that when i squish my face over to the left, the skin on my nose moves in a weird way and my cartilage pops out of my fucking face. it's only the one side, too. the other one just does what everyone elses does. but the right nostril's skin just does not want to stay over the bone part or something. it's DISGUSTING and TERRIFYING but highly unnoticable. i showed my mom, brock, and katherine, but only katherine screamed and saw it for its true self. the other two were too blind to see anything weird about it.
on the asides, the weekend is going well. yesterday's planned party didn't work out the way we'd hoped. after school, katherine and i came here to edit, and we got a lot done, i thought. before she left, i got my mom to talk to her about the dilemmna of deciding whether to go to music camp and have a better chance of getting accepted at oberlin, or going to au pair in morocco for the chance of a lifetime. mom is very helpful, and pretty soon both the parents, plus me and eileen were sitting there helping katherine decide her future. it was crazy, and i hope it helped. as she was leaving, brock arrived. we sat him down in the interrogation chair and tried to help him make life-changing decisions, but i don't think we had as much impact. soon, alice and LA arrived, and we stood around for a while before going to see the play, which was much better than i expected. morgan and william were the best. they were adorable. paul and morgan make cute siblings, also. there were a lot of people at the play... amelia, eileen, mouse, me, brock, alice, and LA all sat in the front row, and becca, christine, stephanie, and katherine sat in the back. i was sad that we couldn't sit together, but it was kind of nice that it meant there enough other people in the audience for that to be a problem. big morgan and amber gave me hugs. i kind of miss seeing them every week at open-mic. i won't go on and on about the play, because i know some of you are expecting to see it tomorrow night or next weekend. support our own voice!
after the play, we stood around talking for about a million and one years. some of it was nice, but i didn't like being at the theatre for so fucking long. i had a large group of friends there, though, and it's hard to get that many people at once to listen to you and make plans and things. it took us forever just to move out to the lobby, then another forever to move outside, and another forever to move to the sidewalk. it was really painful, because i was EXTREMELY hyper and restless. i can't tell if it's the restless that makes me hyper or vice versa, or if it's just situational entirely. anyway, we decided to go to gibson's. becca had to ride with christine to show her where to go, and didn't want william to be alone, so i rode with him. even though we took a wrong turn, and had to stop at my house for me to get some money, we got to gibson's before anyone else. on the way, we made wild noises, wrote an opera, and staged a musical. horse lips woman at the red light was not amused. we only got to be at gibson's for a very short amount of time because by now it was almost 11, and that's when practically everyone had to be home. i really wish we hadn't taken so damn long getting out of the theatre. oh well. i was sad that we had to break up so quickly, and i also felt bad that william had just driven me from midtown to east memphis and then had to drive me BACK to midtown, and back to east memphis with becca. williammm thank you. will you be my crazy whale heart? we listened to loud peaches and selby tigers, and danced like wild cats of love. suddenly becca asked if they HAD to take me home and i was like "fuck no!" it made me really happy, and we drove and drove and drove and danced danced danced revolutions. a scary hispanic man tried to hail us down with his silver car, flashy cell phone, filthy money, and cat calls, but we were not sucked in. we drove all the way to arkansas and deep into its abyss before we lost that stupid guy and came back to memphia. the river was lovely, and reeked in the light of the bridge. we put our faces to the wind and blew back the air we caught. it was a nice little night, as a whole, and i came home incredibly hyper. in some ways, i don't like coming home wound up because then there's nothing for me to do here to fix that, but it's still better than coming home wound down. that would mean that i didn't enjoy myself enough to keep it up or something. i don't know. anyway, i got here just as morgan, amelia, and eileen were going to bed. i was hyper, as stated, and injured myself on something in morgan's room while attempting to sing and dance jimmy eat world. my foot is now very bruised and it hurts to walk on it. (one reason i'm still sitting in here.) amelia and eileen wanted me to cuddle in the bed, and so i did. morgan fell asleep but the rest of us stayed up and talked for a while. i told them about my obsession with backs, which led to the day's main event. after valentine's day breakfast this morning, which was pastries and mousse-y chocolate thingies from la baguette, eileen, morgan, amelia, and i took turns taking pictures of each other's backs. we also drew on each other's backs with smelly markers and it was too much fun. i love backs. there are some of them posted right now, i still have to decide if any more are suitable for the internet. some of them, though lovely as back photos, could be misinterpretted somewhat. and katherine will testify to that. some of the ones i posted might not even be so great. after eileen and amelia left, i showered, played around with the pictures, called brock, and just hung out for a while before katherine came over at around 6 or so to edit. it took us a while, but we editted one scene (maybe it could count as two, though) and it looks really good. after that, we sort of lost the drive and sat on the couch. mom, dad, and morgan were all away at the play. brock had decided not to come over like he'd planned, and we were sad. we decided to call him and serenade him with our lovely song "brock, come over. we are really bored. brock, come over. we wanna get it on." unfortunately, his mother picked up. he was not at home. we were heart-broken. so we set out to find him at davis-kidd. we were so surprised that he was actually there, we had to sneak up on him. we stood there behind him for a little while, and he didn't notice until katherine started laughing. then he thought we were laughing at him, i think, and he seemed really sad. but when we realized we had come to visit him, he was happy and we had a lovely night chatting it up at the d-k bar. i got my second caffe mocha in two days, which is a little sick. this one didn't have red sprinkles though. i love those kids. we talk about everything, and i love it. the woman working at bronte was even amused. we left, having realized we'd always wanted to drive down flicker street, that little road the veers off from the ramp that goes from union to poplar, by my house. so we drove to my house, where first brock pissed in my backyard (i forgot my key) and then we all piled in his car and screamed down FLICKER ST AHHHHH and flicked everything off. there were no people and it was pretty crazy. every single thing on it looked like a movie. we also had a lot of great ideas for our new movie tonight, and we got really excited. flicker street just turns into central at the end, next to that tobey park thing. the best part about the end of the road is the billboard there. it's the lowest billboard i've ever seen. we decided to film part of the movie on it. it will be brilliant. katherine and i helped brock climb onto it and he danced around in the rain, in front of this huge, disgustingly yellow 'charmed' ad. i love the boy. i can't wait to film the movie there. ahhhh i can't spoil too much about the plot yet. i'm not saying a word. AT ANY RATE. after that, we drove back to my house because katherine had to be home. we all hugged and brock was a fuzzy lumberback named carl and katherine was an old movie star goddess. brock came inside, where we warmed up a stick of garlic bread and split it. we sat on the couches with mom and she told us crazy stories about hers and my relatives. it was very great, because mom is a wonderful storyteller and my family will never cease to amaze me. the best stories were the ones about people dying in ways that made mom laugh. you people don't want to know the kind of people i'm related to. it's sick, truly. at 10:45 brock had to go back home and he hugged me like three times at the door. it was very sweet. he pissed in my backyard. ahahahahhahaa. at any rate. valentine's day was a success in that i met the beautiful backs of several people, and decided i should photograph backs on a regular basis. although i forgot to ask katherine and brock if i could do theirs. fuck. already, my plan is failing.
after brock left, mom was getting worried about when morgan was going to come home so i was instructed to figure it out. i called becca to ask if she had the number of the place where the cast party was, but she didn't know. but william was bringing morgan home at that very moment, so all was well, and becca and i got to talk on the phone for a while. i wish i got to talk to her more often, but she is a busy bumblebee. i hope she realizes that she can always call me when she's bored. and the same goes to all you bitches. am i going to get to the sad state of posting my phone number on the internet so that i will have more going on?! christ almighty.
zoe invited me to her advice blog. wootie woot i'm now an advice-er. i don't know how good i am at advice hahahaah. not very good. but i'm better than brittany's -- "YOUR NEIGHBOR HAS THE HOTS FOR YOU" or whatever. ahah shit. brittany went to bed a little while ago. we had our first hyperactive online conversation in forever. i forget how insane we always made each other. next weekend, i want her to come to "red paint" with me, and maybe spend the night. i think that would be nice. and maybe she could meet some of my friends. i would like that, anyway. i don't want her to be some crazy far-away anymore. i miss our stupid.
tomorrow was supposed to be my first day of yogurt, because i'm "on punishment" and apparently that means yoga with sophie. *shudder* but there's a SCANDALIZ VANDALISTZ rehearsal that brock and i must attend, because are now part of the band. AHHHHHHH!!!!! how good is life? i've always wanted a band. it's a shame i can't sing. but there's nothing else i can do either. maybe they'll just let me stand in the back and play air guitar. i'd still hit the wrong notes, and get booed off the stage. oh well. at any rate, we're going. we also plan to buy an $80 drum set off ebay, even if it doesn't have any cymbals. we're desperate, okay?! if you can think of something better, fucking call me before we do it. the bidding ends in like 20 hours so do it soon. bitches.

listening to: essential logic - pedigree charm
(this post was written in between 11pm and 3am. oh how i suck.)

feathers to sink a ship

a mix for alice

01) the raveonettes - cops on our tail
02) atom and his package - i am downright amazed at what i can destroy with just a hammer
03) pixies - vamos
04) sleater-kinney - little mouth
05) yeah yeah yeahs - miles away
06) essential logic - aerosol burns
07) lunachicks - babysitters on acid
08) veruca salt - volcano girls
09) andrew bird's bowl of fire - T'N'T
10) death cab for cutie - the sound of settling
11) apples in stereo - glowworm
12) pain - thimbledrome
13) bonfire madigan - smoke signals from the burnpile
14) our lady peace - potato girl
15) cornelius - drop
16) elastica - stutter
17) bikini kill - rah! rah! replica
18) myshkin - apricot tree
19) garrison starr - grounded
20) spiritualized - i didn't mean to hurt you
21) polaris - saturnine
22) throwing muses - cowbirds
23) ani difranco - bliss like this
24) de la soul - tread water


i think i have a lot more loud girls than i intended. sorry, alice. you know how i like em.

oh christ i love girl scout cookies.

the people at the backyard burger by school are entirely too nice. i'd left my purse at home today, so when me, brock, and alice went by after school i couldn't buy anything. the nice woman (natalie) who was working there felt sorry for me, and slipped me a cup to get myself a drink. later, she brought me a large fries. before i'd even finished those, she brought me a burger and a hug. when she was getting off her shift, she came over to say goodbye and give me another hug. she was the sweetest little black lady i've ever met. she called me "special." she called brock "booboo." it was a weird experience, but it's nice to know that there are such kind-hearted spirits milling around fast food joints. have sweet dreams, loves. i'm sorry i'm been blogging so erratically.

THIS POST WANTS SOME DETAILED ADDED, BUT THE MAIN OUTLINE IS THERE.

WHAT I'M DOING-
tuesday: some time after i last blogged, i IMed elise with the intention of maybe giving her some constructive criticism. she's been coming up in conversation a whole lot lately, and it's getting more and more negative. it's sad thinking that anyone should have to be talked about like that by so many people, and i was worried that her life will just be that pattern forever if she never realizes it. i thought i could maybe give her a heads-up of sorts. (next day, kevin tells me that she completely misunderstood what i said and she is very mad.)
wednesday: went to backyard burger after school with alice and brock until 4:30. brock dropped me off at davis-kidd right as mom was getting there. i came home, did a little homework, and raced the clock to make plans with becca. she got sick, but we still managed to get to ted's show. we had to have kevin give us a ride there, which i felt HORRIBLE doing, because he wasn't going to stay. especially since he came to my house expecting to pick up both of us, because i hadn't clarified that she was at her own home. so we had to go all the way back to east memphis to get her, and then all the way back to midtown again. the car conversation was nothing short of insane. we got there at about 8:20, but apparently only missed about three minutes of the show. they played for about another five-- it was mostly feedback and pure nothing noise. the band had had whiskey, and forgotten all the songs. the other two bands didn't show up. it was pretty hysterical, but we had a nice conversation with ted after the show. the homeless man who cleans up the joint sang, and is very nice. i gave him change and an earring. my dad had to pick us up, at about 9:15. that turned out to be good, even though becca was sick and had to be home that early anyway. dad was annoyed that i hadn't asked him about taking her home. i suck. i came home and did some homework, but fell asleep before i'd really gotten anything done. fuck?
thursday: i am an idiot in history class. that's about all i remember. after school, i found emmicia at davis-kidd and we got muffins. i worked really hard on my math homework. it made no sense. i didn't feel very well, and told mom so when she picked me up. at home, i IMed elise hoping to clarify the mess i made on tuesday. she didn't say anything for a while, but eventually put up an away message and called me. it was crazy. details details insert minor details here.
friday: i stay home with a sore throat and a headache, but somehow convince my loving parents to let me go to LA's movie party with all the Emo Kids where we watch "west side story" which jenny, christie, and robin talk all over. we also watch "vagina monologues" and katie's 8th grade birthday party video before most people have to leave. eventually, only me, alice, and laylee are left and spend the night. it is very much fun, and very cool to be a different environment (LA's) especially with no parents around. at 11:30 we go on super x-treme pono run and alice gets arrested. there are tickets to be paid. but we rent "y tu mama tambien" and have a field day. late into the night. it's nice nice nice. lots of talking and girlish giggles.
saturday: we wake up and hang out briefly before laylee gets picked up, and alice takes me and LA over to brock's where we drive to michael's and meet up with katherine. we spend the whole day working on our english project, then go to LA's and watch "y tu mama" again with her sister. it's nice, but i'm really tired by the end and not too happy. brock takes me home past his normal curfew. this is the first time he's had to take me home from someplace far away and then drive all the way back home, like a real ride home. and probably the only time it'll be from someplace that he brought me over 24 hours before. wahaha.
sunday: about the only thing interesting that happened was brock coming over to visit me before AND after yogurt class. i crave a milkshake to heal my aching throat, so we go to sonic for the first time in ages where we huddle in my dad's jacket together. at home, we lay in the bed, research colleges, and decide to go to pratt in order to meet karen o. i love our non-logic. very little homework is done. my throat really hurts.
monday: fuck if i even remember.


THIS POST WANTS SOME DETAILED ADDED, BUT THE MAIN OUTLINE IS THERE.

listening to: look out, loop

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KATHERINE!

i suck blogging.

today is blaghhhhhh. i feel like a walnut on an airplane.
i had a really nice conversation with ted. it feels like we have a lot in common, but i think my imagination is a quickly-growing briar patch.
brandon makes me too happy for words.
i am excited to film tomorrow.

katherine came over after school until 4:30 and we edited, and worked on the cindy movie. which REALLY needs a name. we are taking suggies. we're thinking of adding some new scenes, and maybe narration, to clarify parts of the plot. also, katherine and i have been having some differing opinions about the characters and the plot, i think because of its evolution since we started this project in december. some of the original stuff stuck, and some didn't, but each of us is looking at it differently. so. we are aiming to have our release party on February 21 or thereabouts. now i'm going to go edit some more. wish us luck!

katherine came over after school until 4:30 and we edited, and worked on the cindy movie. which REALLY needs a new name. we are taking suggies. we're thinking of adding some new scenes, and maybe narration, to clarify parts of the plot. also, katherine and i have been having some differing opinions about the characters' motives. i think things evolved from the original plot, and some stuff stuck, and some stuff didn't, but it's all jumbled up in our heads. so. we are aiming to have our release party on valentine's day. or at least that weekend. anyone up for hosting? my house is always open, but i feel like our tv is such a piece of shit that it takes all the pizzazz out of watching movies. if no one volunteers, it's cool to be here. i just figured people would want a change. but i don't want to impose. could i be any more boring?! well i'm going to go edit some more. woooo!