i am going to try to catch up on the weekend since i'm so awful.
on saturday i woke up at about 12:30, i think, and watched two towers with mom + morgan and had phish food ice cream for breakfast. it was hella awesome. i love mama. mom started to fall asleep, so we only watched the first disc. then i got online for a little bit before laylee called around 2:30 and we got to talk for a while before we worked on making plans for getting together. it must've taken for fucking ever because laylee and brock didn't get here until like 6:30. i was sad that the day had been reduced to that sick portion of night, like every single weekend last year. it turned out okay of course. shortly after they arrived and we were trying to figure out what to do, eileen arrived to spend the night. so the five of us went to pie in the sky armed with coupons and had lovely pizza. at one point tarah called and said she would try to get a ride over to us. she didn't show up, and we couldn't reach her on her cell phone. (later i found out that her brother wouldn't give her a ride, she'd lost her cell phone, and was dragged downtown where she had a GREAT time.) we ended up being there for a lot longer than we meant to, and mom had turned into a pumpkin by the time we called home, so dad had to pick us up. we hung out in my room and i turned on lunachicks but no one understood and i played "jan brady" 3 fucking times but no one would listen to the chorus. i basically fell over on the bed so that i could listen to it by myself while other people talked, and i guess laylee thought i was upset so she came over and hugged me awww. i love that laylee loves me. she always assures me that other people do too, but sometimes i can only tell with her. i guess because she is so physical about it, i have to believe her. i do love her. oh oh oh. anyway i guess everyone else thought i was upset too, because they started to dance, to prove that they were listening and they understood the lunachicks. seeing my chance, i started "jan brady" over and made them hear the chorus finally. i hope they fucking got it. and for some reason we had on throwing muses for a bit, too, and i got to dance and it was good. and morgan made some comment about my hips agopiwhpwahgpawiogh. oh we tried to introduce brock to the suicide girls but either he didn't get it or he didn't like it or he wasn't comfortable or... something. it was sad. anyway. we eventually decided to watch "hedwig and the angry inch" which dad had bought at turtle's earlier. brock ended up having to leave in the middle, even though laylee was going to give him a ride home. he didn't really argue because he had to help his mom with something at church in the morning. i know he won't let me loan him the movie because of its subject matter, so i guess we will have to watch the rest here some time. that reminds me. does anyone want to come over and watch "ghost world" with me? i have been wanting to watch it for a long time and for some reason i have not. i mean, i own it, i don't know why i haven't. but i know that last year several people tried to watch it and they all hated it and i want to make them understand. plus i want sallis to see it, because we talked about it that once and he refused to let me loan it to him. by the way, sallis, do you still have my wasteland? i can't remember. and becca, do you still have my diane izzo cd? and frank, do you still have my heart?
laylee and i cuddled on the couch all through the rest of the movie. oh pretty oh pretty. then laylee and i listened to music and whatnot and talked to kevin online until he finally came over to pick her up. she had to go home anyway, and i wish she had spent the night here. no one has spent the night here in forever. i hate to wake up so lonely. that is the one thing that sucks about having a male best friend with anal parents. after laylee left, i just went to sleep because i wasn't really in the mood to stay up all night doing nothing, for once.
i woke up around 12:30 again, i believe. morgan locked me out of the bathroom so i stumbled around blindly until she let me in to get my glasses. eileen looked so fucking adorable all asleep with ervin the bear awwww. i had some breakfast and hung around. eileen and morgan scuttled in eventually. we had some breakfast and hung around. we watched music videos, and determined that jeff buckley has a very close resemblace to brock. actually, eileen said that if brock and i had a kid, it would be jeff buckley. now that is a compliment if i have ever heard one. she'd already complimented brock and i on her blog the day before! "They're both so sexy. I probably have no place saying this, but I think they should be radical movie-star lovers who elope to india. They'd have neat adopted kids who would all join the peace corps." jesus how sweet is that!?! i certainly wouldn't mind that prophecy coming true. here's hoping.
laylee and i decided we should take a yoga class. we're too offended to take the sunday afternoon one at midtown yoga. any suggestions on somewhere else? maybe we'll look into the place sallis goes/went. also brock kept calling on and off all day. it made me really really happy. i don't think i said so. it was great, though. we had made plans to go to this silly battle of the bands at some crazy church, because it was going to be awful. it had to be. with bands featuring JR and davis. shudder. plus, i will do ANYTHING to get out of the house on sunday. sunday is the worst day ever. and i didn't even have any homework this weekend. it was a miracle of god. or mat devine. so we met at walgreen's where brock picked up some film from this summer, and his mom got us an umbrella so that we could cross the street (ahaha) and got me some tapes for my camera. it was very sweet. she said it was to pay me back for helping with brock's french video. she really didn't have to. even though i lost one of the blank tapes in their house. ahaha. so the bands were basically as bad as we expected, but we ended up staying there the whole time which i didn't think we were going to do. they were a lot more diverse than i thought they'd be. JR's band was ska, davis's was really pop, detriment was metal, rustic ruckus was jammy funk, bob sagat trio was 2 former grahamwood guys with acoustic guitars playing a stupid cover medley, and submerged truth was pop punk. plus there was a choir. the whole thing reminded me of the neil's event in that the crowd consisted of the bands' parents, the bands' friends, and the bands' parents' friends. and then there were just some people who went to the church too, i guess. even with a slightly diverse crowd, because of being mostly friends of the band, they were still really ... shitty. the first band that played, all these kids rushed the stage and then just STOOD there. like they've never been to a real show. actually, i guess they haven't. i was wanting really badly to dance the whole night, even if just in the aisle, because dancing to bad music makes it SO much better. i think brock didn't really want to bring attention to us, or he just didn't feel like it, and i'm too dumb to do it alone so we sat there. it was nice though because we got to talk and people-watch a lot. when JR's band went on, we spotted tarah in the "crowd" by the stage and went up. they started playing, and brock and i went nuts. people were so surprised, i don't think they knew how to react. they moved away, so we were left with a huge amount of dancing space. we were everywhere and it was beautiful. i love brock concert dancing. i can't even say. god. after a little bit, i noticed that hunter thompson was dancing next to brock and HAHA that cracked me up. a lot. then abby wilenski appeared and danced as well. and THEN svetlana lapova appeared out of nowhere, got in between me and brock, and basically tried... grinding with him. ewwww it was obscene and i really didn't like it. he half-assed it a little, and then left her to grind by herself. it was pretty funny, especially since she doesn't go nuts like you'd expect to some ska band. she dances pretty. like constant. it's sort of annoying, if you only have one dance and you know you look hot doing it so you do it automatically instead of really feeling the music. because that is literally all i do. morgan thinks i'm a good dancer, but she's silly and she has not been to enough shows. i made lots of eye contact with the trombonist, and after the show i said good job to the very pop-punk saxophone guy. he actually looked at me when i said it, instead of just taking it and walking off. it was really nice, and it made me like him. oh, brock said that when we started to dance and stuff he thought he heard JR say "now that's what i like to see" from the stage, and that some girls turned around to look at us. i didn't notice that though. my favorite band was rustic ruckus, because the phish bassist was this adorable rockstar kid. he was so great. afterwards, i told him he was the only real rockstar there, that he had a stance and everything. that i didn't know why i was there, but thank you. he looked really surprised, not arrogant, and that made me like him. and the church people gave us free water. thank you church people. the other bands were basically not very intersting. during davis' band, brock wiggled 4 of his toes out of the hole in his sock. i poked them. his toes are really soft, and i love them. we basically toe/hand-ed all through their set. they weren't good though, so it doesn't matter. i can't even remember who won, except for rustic ruckus. when they played again, brock and i went down to the almost-front, but still in the aisle and danced NUTS. we both had to take off our jackets and our glasses and it was funny and great. i think a lady filmed us a little. the song was really schizo so there was all kinds of different dancing available to be done. man that was great. dancing will always make life so much better. i should do it more often. i loved getting to hang out with brock. and people watch and dance. i love the boy. melt melt melt.
today was blegh except for that we only have a 2-day week and my kill hannah cd came. hoorah.

listening to: kill hannah - no one dreams anyway

MY KILL HANNAH CD + FAN PACK FOR ONLY $11.99 CAME TODAY!! GWHAHAHAH

listening to: kill hannah - they can't save us now

why do i suck at blogging and where are hte headphones?!

I scored a 67% on the "How Memphis Are You?" Quizie! What about you?

listening to: the bens - wickled little town

hooray! brock and laylee are on their way over. i'm excited. anyone can join, if you feel the need. this weekend is good, and then we have thanksgiving. weeeoooo.

listening to: the moldy peaches - jorge regula

i think my head's in heaven

today was pretty damn good. school felt sort of silly and very far off, like i wasn't actually there. the day wasn't that long. i think i did better on my math test than i was anticipating. i think i failed latin though. oh well. after school, brock and i had decided to just sort of walk around and hang out for a bit. ezra wheeler turned around and waved to me at the crosswalk. it was nice. he loaned me a pencil in algae. brock and i ended up going to the mall to get some food, because we're just that punk. right as we were walking in, the gratzes pulled up next to us to drop off lydia. it was funny. we talked to william for a couple minutes. he was on his way to have his wisdom teeth pulled. i am so lucky with no wisdom teeth... but it doesn't really count because i still had TERRIBLE oral surgery last summer. shudder. all i remember is amelie and organic macaroni and bubble fish. the point is. while we were eating, robin and katherine w showed up to steal brock's cell phone. it was nice to see them. we sort of loosely talked about doing something later, but robin never called us and we never called her. so i don't know. maybe tomorrow... after they left, we walked to davis-kidd. it was really really nice. we were there for quite a while. there were adorable japanese girls, two cute little boys, and even an eileen mushroom. it was great. we looked at language books, art magazines, photography, muscle men. we talked and split a piece of "chocolate spoon lovin'" cake. we also called laylee and becca to see if they wanted to hang out, but becca's sister was coming into town and they had to eat dinner as a family. they were supposed to call us back later, and forgot to, so we didn't see them or hear from them at all. somehow i feel like brock and i did a lot MORE at davis-kidd, but i guess not. it was very nice at any rate. i love the boy. his mom picked us up, took us to blockbuster, and then back to their house. brock translated some french magazines to me and we looked at gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous pictures (people). we were looking at this article on like. sex in cinema. and since i couldn't read it i could only comment on the pictures. then we started just discussing the models in the ads. then brock was like "oh oh oh" and got out this like. french fashion magazine, saying "there is one guy in here who you are going to love." so we flipped through the whole magazine very carefully, studying everyone scrupulously. near the very end, brock pointed to this totally androgynous little guy and says "this is the one i thought you'd like" and i squealed to death. partly because the man was beautiful, and partly becuse brock knew i'd like him. it was nice. brock said he'd never had anyone to look at his magazines with before and i was glad that we did. i love talking about people with brock, because ... we're both so damn bi. it's completely perfect. then we went downstairs and i started to get some ice cream. i noticed brock watching me, doing that adorably sheepy smile. and i was like "what?!" and he made fun of how i use the ice cream scoop. ahhahahaa. well. he does do it much better than me. we were being really silly and i think i was probably loud, and i think we were disturbing his parents watching some nuts sci-fi scary fillum. sorry, terwillegers. we had to watch our movie (venus beauty institute, featuring the adorable audrey tautou) in wesley's room. it was funny. as i've said, brock and i are very intense in movies. it's too much fun. it makes movies so much more entertaining, when you're really into them. to the extent that you're gripping someone's arm and biting pillows. and we're not talking about thrillers. speaking of. allison did her michael jackson impression english class today. it was fucking awesome. after the movie, we sat around and listened to music and whatnot. then we watched degrassi and some music videos and whosits. my dad came at like 12:45, which was awesome. today was such a great brock day. i really hope he had as good of a time as i did. but i think he did. it was pretty perfect. i didn't mind that much that we didn't get to see anyone else. i think i enjoy brock's company more when we're alone. maybe it just depends who else is around. but everyone knows i get jealous so fucking easy... oh one bad thing was that with all the beautiful models and everything, and brock's newly voiced extreme confidence about his appearance, i felt so ugly all night long. i mean, it wasn't like every five seconds i whined about being a hag. actually i didn't say anything at all. but i didn't THINK it every five seconds either, it was just a general feeling. which i obviously didn't really like. i guess i should be prettier. i started thinking 'well what the fuck alanna you sit there and whine that youre so fucking ugly and you dont do anything about it. you STILL don't buy clothes ever or wear make up or shave your legs or brush your hair. so what the fuck do you expect?' and that's about it. but it makes me feel really silly anyway. oh yeah, but brock and i did the great thing we do a lot where we both start singing the same song at the same time. like 203597 times. i like it that we are doing that again. it's insane and it amazes me every time. god i love brock. man i bet that is all i talk about. well. shit. laylee, if this every becomes what brittany and i lovingly referred to as 'the kyle blog' please let me know. shit guys. i know you guys want to read about it. fucka.
listening to: tattle tale - take ten

today i woke up feeling great, because of being done with my research paper. to some extent, today would've been better if it wasn't physics day. it meant that most all my friend-ishes were absent. but it also meant that most of my classes were really small, which was cool. that's about it. brock told me the secret of who won the scribbler "obsessions" contest but i can't tell. i feel so privileged!!! i love it. brock called me twice today. see? we really are going back to that old thing. it's very nice. i didn't have much homework, but i have an algebra test tomorrow that i am going to fail. it was pretty funny because brock tried to help me, and normally he's the one who is utterly lost. i'm worried about it, because i feel like it's not just one test... not only will it affect my comprehension on the material for the rest of the year, i feel like this is just going to be the first shit i don't get and from here on i won't get anything at all. welcome to the new pattern. hooray.

listening to: scratch acid - ain't that love?

THE GITS OH MY F UCKKING GOD

AM FINISHED. PAPER IS APRINTIN.
START TIME: 4:30
STOP TIME: 11:45
BREAKS: HALF HOUR PHONE WITH BROCK. 1 HOUR DINNER. 1 HOUR PHONE WITH BROCK.


OH MY GOD.
THIS IS THE FASTEST I'VE EVER DONE ANYTHING IN MY LIFE.
I MEAN. I COULD GO TO BED AND BE LIKE. ASLEEP.
OR I COULD DO OTHER HOMEWORK.
THIS IS NUTS.
WOW

i write a letter every day
i send it to your vein
you whisper words i cannot face
i'm singing in my chains

i'm about to start on my Day of Death and undertake the seemingly impossible task of writing an entire research paper in a single evening. wish me luck. dan ying said it would take 3 hours.... it took laylee all weekend, and she stayed up all night on sunday to finish. we'll see, we'll see. but i already have a damn headache, and i'm starving. i'm gonna get a peppah.

HOW ARE JOEY RAMONE'S LEGS SO IMPOSSIBLY LONG AND SKINNY? god i love the man.
today wasn't awful. i felt really dumb all day. probably because of shitty grades i've been getting. and then something else. i don't know what but it made me feel really stupid too. plus i finally remembered to make up my history map test, but as climbed out of the stairwell, ervin was walking away down the hall. so i ran back down the stairs. i can't believe i'm so stupid. again. aggugh.
oh yeah, it was MIXITUP day at lunch. they've been promoting it for like two weeks. it's supposed to be this day where you sit with a different group of people than your normal one. to promote tolerance or something. as if that isn't silly enough, my ret@rd*d school made it worse. when you walked into the cafeteria, you were given a little square of colored paper and you were asked to sit at a table that matched the color. you didn't have to, or anything, but rather than promoting just the concept of sitting with someone new, you were basically forced to. it was such a piece of shit. anyway, our regular table (minus nisha, praise god) sat at the color table that brock and katherine had been assigned to. there were two girls sitting there already, and we talked to them a little. one of them's name is linda and i asked to see her bag, so that i could read the pins. she had ones for atom and his package, pedro the lion, coheed and cambria... i was really impressed but she just sort of shrugged or something. it made me wonder if she actually liked the bands, or if someone just gave her the pins. also, mark fucking bolding sat down next to sallis. ho is that for awkward? poor sallis. i couldn't tell if the rest of the people that ended up there usually sat together or not. so i guess we mixed it up a little, but it was mostly awkward, and mostly me and brock talking. oh well. it seemed like the day was pretty awkward for everyone. or cruel, in some instances. it just seems like the popular people were kind of like "ooh let's mix it up and sit with the unpopular people!" the cafeteria was still segregated black/white though, pretty much. except for this asian kid sitting at a table with some black guys. he looked absolutely miserable. even more miserable was this white kid sitting with some black guys... he was so miserable, he was reading the newspaper. a lot of people were only participating because they though they'd get in trouble if they didn't. you could tell. the whole idea made me really sad. kids shouldn't be forced into an activity like this, and we weren't, so most people didn't even try to do it, not even student council. the ones who DID seemed to be mocking the whole concept. i think i did a better job of scaring away kids than i did making a new friends. i am not a racist or a sexist or anything. i sit with the kids i know because they're the kids i know i like. i don't sit with them because we're all middle class whities. and anyway i didn't like mark fucking bolding before he sat down, and i didn't like him anymore when lunch was over. however i waved at jo. that was a new experience. ahhahahaha.
therapy yesterday was okay. the office was locked when we got there and we waited outside for like 10 minutes. we nearly left, but lady happened to be walking by when mom knocked one last time. it was fortunate, i guess. she's asked mom to sit in for all our sessions recently. it's sort of intimidating but i think what she's trying to do is make it more comfortable for me to talk in front of more than one person, or something. or maybe just more comfortable with mom. well, there's some kind of point to it, i know that much. first we talked about the dad/blog thing and she had me leave to talk to mom alone for a few minutes. that was strange, we've never done that before. then we talked about how to fix shit, etc. lady said i can bring dad in any time i want, and try to work on issues better in a session. that might help, if we had something concrete to deal with. rather than just me being constantly pissed off at his ness. then she asked about my report card, and how things in history discussion went, and how my college research is going, and if i've done anything to get on my way to driving. mostly it's okay. i sounded really okay. pretty hilarious after one of the worst weeks of my life. at the very end she asked if i had anything else to say. i tried to say what a bad week i'd had, but it felt really unimportant suddenly, and there were no words that fit it right. she asked if i was stressed or sad or what? and i had no idea how to say it, so i was basically like "eahoig" and that was the end. plus mom was still there, that definitely affected things. it's harder to talk like that.
we came home, i got some ice cream, and then the parentals and i sat down for a Talk. i don't really want to go into it, but dad agreed not to look at my blog again. i made him tell me a few details, so if you're interested: he looked for it specifically on google, it didn't just happen to pop up. he has been reading it every day for the past few weeks, and before that more irregularly. he doesn't understand the privacy issue.
end. as the conversation was breaking up, he told me that brock and brandon had called ("oh, her male entourage!" quoth mom). i was afraid to call back brock because it was like 9:30. which isn't that late, but still. margaret would've been asleep, come on. there was something really really nice about talking to brock on the phone last night. i can't really put my finger on it. i feel like our relationship sort of fell out for a few weeks, but we are getting back to where we were, and i'm really glad. i couldn't stand it if brock went away. it'd be nice to think he thought the same.

listening to: rasputina - the new zero

HONEY NUT CHEERIOS MILK N CEREAL BAR
WOO BOY
BREAKFAST ASS

god i'm tired. i'm too tired and i don't really have time to blog very well tonight. but a rought outline:
school. homework. therapy. talk with parents. call with brock. oblivion. latin essay.

BECCA'S SHOW:
java - dec 5.
HOO HOOO HO

Patti Smith


what punk rock goddess are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


fucking awesome!!!! i couldn't tell she was one of the choices until the last question. woohoo i love patti. she's so beautiful.

today dad 'fixed' my window without telling me. it was really sad. i need to have a ceremony. today basically sucked all around. it invovled cleaning and no friends and really shitty family stuff. at one point i was annoyed at havingn to clean the kitchen, which was full of mom's shit and complaining that she's always mad at US for leaving stuff everywehre, and i had to clean up her damn mess. she got really pissed and was all like "are you a part of the family or not?" because if i wasn't going to help out, i better find somewhere else to live, and "then it's settled, you're out of here when you turn 18 and we're not going to help you pay for college or anything." it made my day ten times better. woowee what a weekend.
so i basically sat around lifeless and depressed all day. i called a laylee, katherine, and brock but no one was around. eventually i was talking to sallis online, and he had been planning to do his english essay stuff tonight but instead invited me over to watch a movie. it was very sweet. his parents and mine were both going to the 'boogie in the books' party in the library. ho ho ho. is it ironic that the day katherine deleted her blog (party in the library) they actually HAD one? ..... i'm easily amused.
sallis came to pick me up and it was all raining and he had this huge umbrella to walk me to the car and he opened my door all nice. he's the greatest. he had gotten the stretch princess cd yesterday, and he had it in his car. it made me really happy. the funny thing is that he heard "shoes" in elise's car, probably before school yesterday morning. i, of course, made elise download that song this summer. sallis fell in love with the song and had to have the cd. bravo, good sir. anyway, back at his house i met his brother, his parents, and his parents' friends. i tried to be a polite little alanna. i don't know if it worked. especially since laylee called me and my cell phone was all ringy and i was all cell phone girly. i felt silly, but i was really happy that laylee called back. sallis and i had talked about inviting some other people to come back a movie with us, but they were busy anyway. after sallis's brother retreated, and the adults left to boogie, we stood around trying to decide what to watch. it didn't go very well. sallis is polite, so he was letting me, the guest, decide what to watch and i am indecisive so i couldn't choose. we ended up going to blockbuster and milling around until we spotted "frida." i had been really wanting to see that, and sallis said he'd heard good things so we got it. and "finding nemo" for his brother. thank god, too, because it kept him occupied all night, and he would've been a little young for miss frida. i lovedddd the movie. it was really really well done in the acting, and the history, and the cinema, and everything about it. wow it was really good. sigh. i hope sallis isn't having nightmares. i told him to call me if he had one, but i think he would be too polite for that. i told him i might call HIM, but i got a little carried away with laylee and the suicide girls just now. so maybe another time aha. anyway. after the movie, we had time to discuss it a little and everything, which was nice. then the adults came home and talked about the party and everything. haa it was very gossip compared to what i am used to hearing from my parents on that kind of event. there's nothing about the 55-year-old in the mini skirt, or the person whose face looked like it had been run over by a truck. it was interesting, at least, to get a different perspective. then they embarassed sallis to death by showing me the video they'd made for his 16th birthday this summer featuring lots of baby pictures and the 4 adults talking about what a good kid sallis is. and all kinds of people singing happy birthday. it was nice, but i should've insisted that i didn't want to see it, for sallis's sake. the adults were obviously very proud of it and everything, and i guess i didn't want to spoil their good time. then again, they were constantly making fun of sallis for the way he talks and everything. which is funny, i thought that maybe he got it from his parents or something. apparently not. i also thought he got his love of jummy buffett and celtic from them, but they also made fun of that. when we first came in, he made some comment and they were just kind of like ".....ooookay. nutcase." in not so many words. i mean, it's no wonder the poor kid thinks he's a weirdo and has no self-esteem. even his parents make fun of him, why would anyone else feel differently? i'm really preachy right now. sorry. i like sallis, though. he's a great kid. my dad came to pick me up eventually, and we all sort of stood around the doorway and talked for a few minutes. i think i must've said something funny, because sallis's dad gave me this weird tap thing on my shoulder. ahahahahaha that is pretty funny. to me. so we were saying goodbye and sallis tried to shake my hand. it was very cute. i sort of shook it a little, and then hugged him anyway. i hope he didn't mind too much. i probably invaded his space. well maybe he needs a little invasion every now and then. and i was the man for the job. *cue music*
i was not very happy that dad and dad alone was my chauffer this evening. no, no, no. we are not on good terms obviously. but when he came to get me, i was in this great mood and he was in this great mood, plus part of it was a thing about looking happy in front of sallis's family or something, i think. unconciously maybe. but anyway, i was being nice to him and he, of course, was being nice to me. so i couldn't very well just stop as soon as i realized it was happening, in the car. it made me really mad because i haven't really yelled at him, except for once, about being totally angry with him. and if i've just done this happy thing, then i'm obviously not totally angry. phh i fucked it all up. now what can i do god damn it. dad took the niceness as an opportunity to be especially talky to me and he did the touchy thing and eww. he's been kissing my head a lot the past few days and it's going to drive me insane. next time i think i'll fucking slap his face. i hate it. i hate him tricking himself into thinking that we are chums. god. i've done it again. i didn't want to end on a sour note. OH I SO DON'T HAVE TO.
brock called during the middle of the movie, "just to check up." the conversation was probably our shortest to date... about 30 seconds or something. it just made me really really really really happy. that was a highlight of the evening. obviously the other big highlight was simply the fact that i got to hang out with sallis. wow, i feel so honored. another highlight was that on the way home, brandon called to tell me about the bonfire madigan show. man. i really wish i could've been there. obviously. he was very non-braggy about it, which i really appreciated. he was nice about it, and got me something (i couldn't really tell what he said) and he's going to make me a copy of the live cd. hooray and many thanks to brandon. i love that puppy lump. when i got home, i went online and whatnot. talked to elise a little bit about this basic essay i wrote on my new interpretation of her music video "untouchable face" which can be read here in the commentaries. she did what i thought she'd do, which was forget that i was talking about the video and not her damned personal life. she was EXTREMELY non-talky. over the last couple months, we don't actually have a conversation unless she starts it. if i start it, i basically ramble and she says "haha," "yeah," and "depends on how you look at it." well that was tonight's vocabulary anyway. it's beginning to drive me nuts. HAHAH but i don't really have to deal with it, i guess so who cares. anyway. for the past few hours i have been talking to laylee. we tried to find nude blog layouts. there used to be a whole site, and we can't find it anymore. pretty sad. so we just ended up hanging out with the suicide girls. a pretty good evening, on a whole. too bad that most of the day was shit, and the entire week was shit. i mean, even the movie we watched was intensely depressing. i can't get away from sad and depress lately. well woops.

listening to: commander venus - peppermints

cheese + turkey love mix for laylee

this is the tracklist. laylee, if you haven't listened to all of it yet, don't look!! because that was the whole reason i didn't get it to you personally. i'm serious!

1) Jonathan Richman & the Modern Lovers - Road Runner
2) The 5 6 7 8's - Woo Hoo
3) The Dead Milkmen - Laundromat Song
4) Interpol - Say Hello To Angels
5) The Raveonettes - Beat City
6) Sleater-Kinney - Off With Your Head
7) the Seconds - burning up
8) Bangs - I Want More
9) Gossip - Got Body If You Want It
10) The Frumpies - Baby Plays For Pritty
11) Libertines - I Get Along
12) Palomar - slingshot
13) Selby Tigers - Droid
14) Stereo Total - LA, CA, USA
15) Gorky's Zygotic Mynci - Poodle Rockin'
16) Lunachicks - Jerk of all trades
17) Tullycraft - Pop Songs Your New Boyfriend's Too Stupid To Know About
18) James Kochalka Superstar - Monkey Vs. Robot
19) Frank Black - Headache
20) Throwing Muses - Shark
21) amazing plaid - a backpack mystery
22) The Slits - Shoplifting
23) Tracy + The Plastics - Hey Rubella
24) Peaches - Set It Off
25) Semiautomatic - Resident Genius
26) Deerhoof - Magic Star
27) Death Cab for Cutie - The Sound of Settling
28) The Moldy Peaches - Anyone Else But You
29) Talking Heads - Pulled Up

i think i'm going to make a version for brock and swap out the songs i've already put on mixes for him. aha. i'm nuts. jesus.

listening to: deerhoof - magic star

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i'll be brave tonight

another new blog layout. i already think this one is old. it's so ...... green. well, who knows. maybe it will grow on me. i like the image and the quote, but i'm too lazy to mess with colors and fonts myself right now.
it was a pretty good day. another one of those where the day SHOULD suck and it doesn't. this week was so bad, that today couldn't really help but be good. if it had been bad, i could've like. filed a complaint to jesus or something. i fell the fuck asleep last night trying to study. again. good god this is getting old.
we had an english test on the age of innocence, which i am proud to say, was my first sparknotes test. i only read about 100 pages of that shit. and i wanna be a kennedy, what can i say? i think i did pretty well on it. who cares, though, because an english test day means that laylee, margaret, jenny, and katherine w come to our lunch. hooray! it was so relaxing, not having to listen/talk to nisha. i guess i should feel bad for the people who DID have to talk to her, but jenny doesn't hate her or anything. jenny is nice. unlike me. i have no soul.
i also had tests in ap u.s. and latin, which didn't go very well. or maybe i was just more pessimistic at the end of the day. i don't care anymore, because god blessed me and made today friday. after school, brock came home with us. that made me really happy, because he said last night that he wanted to just go home and chill today. i mean it was nice that he wanted to take a day off and everything, but i like having company. we went to sonic of course. mmm. aaahaha. we sat around over here, and tried to find a movie to watch but our wide selection somehow seemed very selective tonight. we talked about renting something, but it seemed like a hassle to make mom drive out and get one. plus brock still wanted to be home early and everything, so there wasn't really time to do that by the time mom got up from her nap. however, unaware that brock was about to leave, she suggested we see a movie. brock called his mom and asked if she could come and get him, morgan, and me and take us to paradiso. unfortunate: brock's family had decided to do some family dessert outing thing, and they were all in the car on the way to my house when he asked. they hadn't told him about it, and he was like "oh well we don't have to go to the movie" and everything, but brock's family is brock's family therefore they were like "whatever" and took us anyway, even though they weren't very happy about it. brock does that kind of thing sometimes. to a different extent. he "whatever"s a lot of things, and endures a lot of shit he isn't happy with. it makes him really hard to read. that's okay.
we saw "love actually" which was a pretty good movie. i LOVE movies with brock, as i've said. we are so dramatic. even when i'm really really into a movie, i'm mostly internal about it, but not with brock. when something awkward or pathetic happens, brock can't look at the screen. he's so sympathetic. it's great. he usually leans over in his seat, and i rub his back. sometimes he just covers his face, depending on the trauma. during suspense, he is an arm grabber. during "matchstick men" we spent most of the movie clutching each other. simply because any kind of suspense is painful. during tender moments, i lean my head on his shoulder and it's all very nice. he also does this thing i love where he sort of strokes your elbow. aw i love that thing. is it strange that we are more physical in the theatre than anywhere else?
mom picked us up, and i got annoyed that she had brought the dogs and there was barely room in the car for all of us because she'd also taken out the back seat of the damn car. it seems like i get really easily frustrated right after a movie. i don't know why. it's just another weird fucking thing i do, i guess. ah well. wow my thumb is really flat on one side. i wonder, has it always been that way? so we took brock home. morgan and i watched i love the 80s and some music videos. actually she fell asleep. dad has been trying to talk to me and act like everything is fine. actually he's trying to be nicer than normal. i'm about to explode. i've basically just been doing the silence thing but he obviously doesn't get it. next time he pats my fucking shoulder or kisses me on the head, i am going to fucking scream. i'm going insane this way. he acts all offended when i seem upset with him, but he still hasn't actually confronted me about the issue. i was waiting for him to do it, because it's his fucking issue to begin with and because i'm obviously not talking to him unless it's necessary. oh yeah, yesterday i added my last post to letter from memphis. it was a sad moment. but i figured i should just go ahead and explain why i stopped blogging there so that people would quit asking me and i wouldn't have to say it anymore. but of course, now that i've actually written it, no one has read it and no one else has asked me. so i'm a little put out. but whatever. maybe dad will see it and leave me the fuck alone. man i didn't want to end on such a sour note. i'm having a good day, and i intend to have a good weekend. anyone up for driving me to new orleans tomorrow ho ho ho? well. anyone up for hanging out, at least? god damn.

listening to: kill hannah - ten more minutes with you