"well we've entered the 21st century now!!" -- my mother, upon the installation of our new microwave

i am SO eating a big ole bowl of buttery popcorn. hell yes. my life is beautiful.


listening to: dead milkmen - leggo my ego

just talked to brock on the phone for 4+ hours. le sigh. i absolutely love him. sometimes i feel like it isn't mutual or he's settling for somebody... like he'd much rather be closer to somebody else, instead of me, but i am the person who is around. and then we have lovely moments (or 4+ hours) like this, or the time he tickled my back and we invented the lobsters in the sand song. i love that kid.

listening to: tokyo ska paradise orchestra - lupin the 3rd '78

got back from visiting my grandparents in jackson about an hour ago. not too much happened... i'm about to post the interesting stuff on DOY though. so you can check that out if you care. uhmm. i'm looking forward to seeing some kids, but i doubt anything will happen tonight. too bad. i'm glad that i didn't miss too much, like brock said. last time i was in jackson, i missed the world.

listening to: desaparecidos - manana

i had a pretty nice day. woke up to being grounded, and read my quota of angela's ashes. i'm really enjoying it, i barely notice time or pages going by when i read it. before i start, i circle the page i have to finish and then suddenly (not really suddenly. there's time.) i'm there! it's lovely. i'm really really really liking it, too. did i say that? anyway. so i read my quota, and then i worked on country spacecraft and talked to brandon. at some point elise called and asked if i could come to open-mic, and i was like "well i'm grounded, but i'll ask anyway." but mom let me go HAHA so i guess i'm not grounded. pretty funny, if you think about it. i love my mother. so then suddenly elise, brock, and katherine were here. elise printed some of her poems out, and i ate my cheeseburger, and dad+mom talked myths with brock. i read "little fur family" to him, and he said i should read to him more often. he was a very good boy, and he paid attention and looked at the pretty pictures. i liked it. i should read to him more often. and anyway we left eventually. open-mic vibe was really really really weird tonight, because all these white station graduates were there.... they just happened to be there, i guess, because the little groups weren't communicating with each other. but each of them was noisy as hell, and they talked ALL over poems, and my soul was maimed. michael (yes, back from spain. ugh) opened with this huge 1o-year speech about that people shouldn't spend forever up at the mike and everything. it was really weird because most of the regulars weren't even there. he was basically talking to brock and elise. he hasn't even been there lately, and HE of all people has the nerve to tell people not to read too many poems? YEAH, MR. NEIL DIAMOND. YA FOOKIN GOBSHITE! KISS MY ARSE. and he RAMBLED for sixty fucking years, and it was awful. then he read a poem, and i would've been paying more attention if he had shut the fuck up hours before, but he DIDN'T so i hated the poem. oh well, it serves him right. elise read less than usual... too bad. but she was lovely as usual. neither katherine, brock, zoë, morgan, or myself had brought anything to read, so we just sat around. elizabeth, meg, margaret, and tarah came after a while. they're lovely as always. tarah read, and i love her. people talked all over my favorite one though and i was very upset. elise's friend laura from bridgebuilders read a poem that i really liked, and i want to invite her to DOY. i'm surprised she isn't on there yet, what with elise being able to sorta recite her poems already. amber popped in for a few minutes, and did an improv which was lovely as always. this one was funny. i'm glad that meg, margaret, and tarah got to hear her. this new woman played a folky song, and i really liked what i heard of hte lyrics. she said it was about rapunzel and medusa falling in love with the same man, and i thought it was really clever. there was this one absolutely amazing verse with all these allusions to stone... it was just great. (medusa turns people to stone, and rapunzel lives in a stone tower. it was just great.) and this very slammy guy whose name i have forgotten (but it's on brock's blog) performed a poem, and he was great. ana read one, morgan fox read a couple. tilden (who had unfortuneately missed michael's speech) and this new guy each read for a really, really long time. and they read back to back. they literally cleared the room. but it was a really nice night, all in all. i love being able to have this in my week. i was very very very sad with becca and laylee missing, but i think that even if becca had been there to play, it would've been different and strange with all of the crazy white station kids there and everything. i'm completely rambling. that's okay. now i'm just hanging out and i'm REALLY hungry so i might go to bed. i forget how i do this in the summer all the time, but my cure for late-night hunger is sleep. always. oh yeah, and when i got home i talked to brandon for a few hours, because he's really easy to talk to and everything. but how's this for a great way to end your day:
robitussin am: in your presence, i could feel . . . power
robitussin am: maybe it was confidence or strength or somehting
robitussin am: but it had power behind it
robitussin am: which i found intimidating
robitussin am: but i also immediately grew a respect and love for you
robitussin am: but you wouldn't talk to me
aLittleStarlight: i didnt mean to not talk to you
robitussin am: no worries. i actually wanted to photograph you more than anything, but i ran out of film
robitussin am: you're beautiful and physically threatening

woowwwwwww. i've never heard "threatening" before. i like that. and "beautiful" is a new one. nobody's ever said it like that. and if i ever hear it again, it will be the same shock. i just feel really deeply complimented right now. and maybe not even because i feel like exactly what he said, but the fact that somebody happened to have those completely sincere thoughts about me makes me feel like an okay person. and plus look what tarah said:
FalLynnStar: your so professional. i dont know. but i LIIKE it

how are those for contradictary? oh well, i like it that people see me different ways, and i'm HAPPY, and in a lovely mood.

today and yesterday were absolutely BEAUTIFUL. yesterday after the doctor's appt and whatnot, laylee and i decided around 6ish how nice it would be see each other. we have absolutely mad plan-making skillz, but unfortuneately our cohorts refuse to comply. so around 8:15, elise, brock, and laylee pull into my driveway. i was sad because brock had to be home at 10, which left about a full 10 seconds for me to see them before i went home. as we were driving towards union, i make this completely random comment about how once-upon-a-time i played in these GREAT fountains downtown. so elise is like "LET'S GO!" and we do. the ones i meant are the ones in the civic center plaza that shoot out of hte ground and all that. brock knew the ones i meant, and we found them together, but they were turned off. that was really sad. so we ended up walking around and watching this beautiful flock of birds that was really like 10 flocks of birds having a party, and they were all at different levels in their little sections, and.... oh it was beautiful. pretty indescribable. plus they were up against the pinky sky as the sun was setting, and memphis didn't look like memphis, and it was just a really great moment. so we walked around for a little while with our necks stuck toward the sky. then we found this little fountainy kinda pool thing. brock and i were saying how awesome it would be to film somebody dancing in it, so elise and laylee (clad in man-pants) took off their sandals, and waded in it. they danced a little bit, but apparently it was squishy and strange so they got out of there. we walked back the way we'd came, to go see if the ground-fountains were back on. they weren't, but we could see the wetness around them so they'd been on SOME time. i guess it was too late in the evening, and therefore not hot enough? we were just gonna sit there and wait-ish, but i wanted to go see the other fountain. it's this big L-shaped wall thing that has water running down it, and 2 little raised pool things on the ends. i don't really know how to describe it, but it's nice nice nice. so it was really damn hot and we were thinking how NICE it would be to just lay against those walls and let the water run down. so we did. for a couple hours. and we danced and sang really loudly and it was just beautiful. there were a few little moments when we all just stopped and had big group hugs and once a kiss festival. also brock let me jump on him TWICE. it was beautiful, and i had a great night. we had to take brock home by 10, as i said, and walking through the streets all wet, i felt like we were magic. we were pixies and naiads who had accidentally landed on this plane. we were beautiful and everything was beautiful. then we listened to ani in the car and there was wind running thru our hair from the open windows and wind is one of my favorite things. it was just lovely. brock and i danced, and i sang too loud, and then we took him home. then laylee and i spent the night with elise, and i'm glad that my mom let me stay out. in retrospect, it probably would've been a better idea to have spent the night at home, and then just had them pick me up later today. i didn't, though, and i had a really nice time at elise's. we stayed up till 4 just sitting around. elise was mainly talking to brandon online, and laylee + i were cozy on the floor, then the couch. i kissed her nose many times. i kissed her clavicle only once. le sigh. i love the girl, i love her. i want to kiss her hip bones. it was really nice though. except when i hit my head. elise has a very hard floor. we all slept in one bed (NOT the big ole crazy cloud bed) and it was relatively nice. i move WAY too much in my sleep, and i'm a blanket/bed hog. but anyway. we woke up at 1ish. we sat around the masur residence for a bit, before going on many various outings. we did QUITE a bit of driving... i'm not sure if i would be able to remember all the places we went in the right order.
laylee's house-- for mass amount of change, her camera, and her pixies cd
shnuck's-- to turn laylee's change in $15, and pretend that we are buying things for a picnic. (elise just got some fruit. then we noted the time...)
memphis college of art-- at 4, we picked up brock.
my house-- i hadn't been able to put my watery contacts back in at elise's when i woke up, so i took them home and got my glasses. we also got some gouda cheese and towels.
becca's house-- to pick up becca!
then we finally drove downtown. it was nice to know where we were going this time. we stopped in subway to get food... that made me sad because it wasn't a real picnic if we were just buying food and carrying it a block away. so in protest, i just got some chips and a big ole dr. peppah. the ground "dancing fountains" were off again, but that was okay. we sat on the hot hot hot ground and ate our foods. and while brock and elise went off to piss in a grocery store, laylee took pictures of becca and it was happy happy happy. then brock and elise came back and we held hands in a line and JUMPED into the fountain thing all at once. becca looks like a mermaid all wet. brock looks like a pixie. elise is already a pixie. laylee looks very sex. i'm sure i look quite silly, just because i hate myself. people kept smiling at us, and some policeman wathced us for a while. it was a beautiful night... for a while i was just alone and dancing around by myself in the water, the other kids were out talking or something, i don't really know. i really shoud've gone over, i guess, because little did i know that i would ahve to go home ebfore everyone else. it was really sad. brock's parents told him on the phone that he couldn't stay someplace like that, so we left. we went back to becca's house to get her guitar so that she could play at htis open-mic thing at overton shell. but on the way htere, mom called me and said i had to come home right then, to do this list of things that i'm supposed to do every dya. i was like "mom, i'll have PLENTY of time" but she didn't belive me. it sucked. so they ended up doing other things anyway. (see elise's, becca's, and brock's blogs.) when i got home, i read angela's ashes like a motherfucker, cleaned out the catbox, scrubbed that bathroom floor and the sink, and ..... sat around on the computer and pretended like ANY SECOND NOW i was going to edit country spacecraft. really i just talked to brandon and elise. which i'm still doing. this post took me hours to write because of that. ah well. i think i'm about to get caught still awake. i really wanted to elaborate more on how beautiful the fountain thing was, but i don't know. i guess whatever details i give won't make any sense to anyone else.... but aside from the kids who were htere, who's reading this?! so i guess i might add some later. plus, i'm sure i'd want to know when i look back. also i'm wayyyy tired and very sick of this stupid blog. why did i decide to do this, again?

listening to: mates of state - everyone needs an editor

blegh i am taking a break from working on the film of country spacecraft ballerina. yeah, i deserve a break. after working for 5 minutes, and then eating a lovely toasted bagel with cream cheese. oh, don't get me wrong, i love editting. ah well.
today mom woke me up at 1oish, handing me a schedule thing. she has now planned things that i'm supposed to do every day, every week, etc during the summer. i hate it. oh well. she also dragged me to the doctor's office today, for him to look at something absolutely ridiculous that doesn't even exist. after we'd been waiting to see him for a damn hour and a half, we took off. thank god. but i did find out that i weigh 103 pounds, and that i'm 61 inches tall, and i never knew before. well i guess i found out, i just never remembered. so here i am putting it down for posterity, so that i don't forget, sort of. anyway, while we were waiting i finished reading the awakening, for ap english. i'd actually brought angela's ashes, but left it in the car assuming that i wouldn't finish the first one. silly me. so i talked to my mom a little bit, and lay there on the damn mat thingie before we decided to make a break for it. then we went to easy way and talked about blogs. mom bought mushrooms, and i love mushrooms -- just to look at, not to eat. i wish i was a mushroom. they're so happy.

listening to: modest mouse - heart cooks brain

who kept me awake so long??!!? YOU, EVIL BLOG! IT'S YOUR FAULT! I HATE YOU! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST DO WAHT I TELL YOU THE FIRST TIME!?!?!? I HATE YOU I HAT EYOU I HATE IOY ALIGHEWOI FUCK

happy birthday, mom! dear ms. leslie lynn jacobs fell into this world 48 years ago today, only it was a thursday then. thats why she loooooves thursdays. i love thursdays, too, because thats the day when i get to see the lovely kids at java. uhm. anyway. so for my mother's birthday, she woke me up at 11something this morning and put a rather wet dog on me. that wasn't so cool. but she was in a good mood, and i think it made her happy to see me writhe. so i got up, and got dressed, and got generally ready to go to see this movie raising victor vargas, because it was mom's pick of the day, and she is determined to see a movie in the theatre every day for a week during her birthday celebrations. (so far she has been to four. she loved raising victor vargas, man on a train, and pirates of the caribbean. she HATED league of extraordinary gentlemen, mostly because of wicked old sean connery.) so around 12:30 (when we were supposed to be leaving) mom discovered that her keys were utterly gone. i finally found them in the most obvious place (bookshelf by the door, hello!?) half an hour later, so we had to wait for the next showing of the movie. mom, morgan, and i were the only people in the theatre. it was pretty nice, because we sat in the very middle of the room, and talked loudly, and ate our candies and had a lovely time. the movie was great, and as i said, mom loved it, which was the whole point. then we went to black lodge and rented a couple movies. one of which was serial mom (HAHAHAH) and a perfect birthday choice, if i do say so myself. near the end, elise called, and i called her back when it was over, but by that time she'd made other plans. ah well. she wants to hang tomorrow, which is cool. i feel like i haven't really seen her in a while. mom got lots of lovely birthday prezzies, and she is drinking her second india pale ale, and having a splendid time. she and morgan are watching bridget jones' diary, and i wish i was doing something other than sitting around... can't think of anything else to do, though. i'm so very boring. cheerio to no one! i save all my love for you...

this is the story of my life. i had high hopes of happy yogurtdom after i opened the fridge and found some lovely organic kind that mom bought some time. i read the label and the flavor was "vanilla truffle .............. with cream." so i was like okay. and i opened it and there was literally this little pile of cream on it, and that was really creepy. but i brought it back into the computer room, where i was (and still am) talking to brandon on aim. so i'm like "this is uber creepy" and he's like "dear god, don't eat it" especially after i showed him the picture. ha. so i went and scooped the "cream" into the sink, and i came back with my newly refreshed yogurt. whatever, whatever. so i take a bite, and it's all gravy. not the yogurt. uhm. okay. retake: i took a bite, and everything was fine. it tasted pretty nice, and i had dismissed the fact that it was just covered in 'cream'ish a few seconds before. so i'm about to tell off brandon for telling me that my yogurt was gross, when i look down at the carton some more and theres BROWN in it. and i freaked out for all of .3 seconds before i realized that it was chocolate. at least... i THINK it's chocolate. it's brown and the flavor is supposed to be something about truffles. so okay i'm calming down. and i keep eating this yogurt. but the truffle/chocolate thing is just WEIRD and CREEPY tasting. and i kept complaining to brandon. so i ended up throwing it away.
anyway that's all. it seemed exciting at the time.

i really love late night phone calls. they're the next best thing to spending the night with somebody and staying up forever. the next NEXT best thing is having a really good conversation with someone online late at night, but those are harder to actually accomplish. anyway.
i love late night phone calls. thank you, becca, i had not had one in a long long long time. and though this sounds entirely selfish, i'm so glad that i could be around at all for you to call, and i wish that you would do it any time you needed someone. i feel soooooo connected to you in this moment, and i feel guilty for being happy about having such a heavy conversation. i want to go have coffee with you and sit in trees and jump in fountains and smell the flowers and talk for hours. you're my honest hero (honestly) and pretty please... marry me? i want to be around when youre just practicing your songs, and i want to giggle with you all night long, and i just want to see you some time soon.

katherine is back in town!! for her, my plans for a sonic poetry night with just elise and brock were nullified. katherine and her dad came to pick me up around 4 and dropped us off at otherlands, where brock and elizabeth were waiting. elise arrived moments later. it was a pretty nice, lazy afternoon. we hung out at otherlands, and when we(i) got restless, went to java. i got restless there, too, and suggested we leave. that turned out to be a bad idea, because elise just took me home. ah well. such is the life of a 16-year-old with no car/license/permit. the outing was nice while it lasted, but i think i spent longer anticipating it. i loved getting to see katherine again, too. i liked getting to sorta work on brock's movie. i'm glad i got to see elise, because i haven't seen her a lot lately. and i haven't seen elizbaeth in forever, either. so it should've put me in a better mood, i guess. i don't know why i get restless... i feel like if we stay in one place long enough it's hard to keep up a conversation or something. but for some reason, a lot of the time when i'm out with a bunch of people, i feel like i end up listening to them say things i've heard over and over, and i want to have fresh conversations that have never happened. (i'm really impatient today in general, though. what the hell is up?! fucking pms.) and nights/afternoons/outings like this always leave me kind of unsatisfied. actually, it's kind of rare that i feel really GOOD when i get home, because i just hate coming back home and having to say goodbye that much. oh well. bad habit. gotta kick that.

listening to: the frumpies - we don't wanna go home

i love brock. who else could whisk away my troubles and tell me he loves me in french? le sigh. in his 40 minutes, i had a good day. thank you, monsieur. who would i be without you?

i'm in an uber-weird mood. i hung out with elise, zoë, and laylee yesterday, and i had lots of fun. laylee spent the night, and we stayed up till like 6:30. it was great, i love her. mom woke us up at 1 and we watched happenstance, which was really good. now i just feel really really really really really weird. i don't know. my mom wants me to start seeing a therapist, and everything is weird. the only thing i can think to do is go take a shower. so.

You are The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost.

You're an individual, though you may not think of
yourself that way. You make your own decisions,
usually after much thought, and maybe you
regret a few. But in the end, you know it's
those decisions that define you.


Which poem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

haven't posted in a while... yep, i still suck at this. i'm not even going to try to catch you kids up this time. only.. morgan's home now, papa came to take grandma home, and they're gone. brock and elise are at writing camp. i got to see them on saturday night and i had the best time i have had in a forever. it was amazingly great. other news... this week is slow, which is good since it's summer, but sad since i kind of want it to be over. becca just got back in town tonight, and i haven't seen her yet. actually haven't seen her for a week. last tuesday, we were going to go see "dancer in the dark" at the media co-op workshop, but kevin and laylee came to get me way too late. so we ended up just going to get becca and daniell. we went to shnucks (maybe? some grocery store.) to get macaroni, because it was something that laylee and i could both eat. (her tonsilitis was hurting, and my ortho teeth were hurting.) so we took it back to her house where i made it for us, and hten we sat around and watched tv. theeenn we had a marvelous jam session in which becca tried to teach kevin to play (strum) guitar, but it was pretty unsuccessful, i think. so she ended up just playing, and i played a little drum. thennn kevin took my drum, and jammed with becca as she played her new song a couple times. i attempted to chime in (haha literally) with the thumb squash piano, but it was pretty shitty so i cut out. then becca got some bongos, kevin had the little drum, and i had a drum that i was hitting with something i THOUGHT was a mallet, which turned out not to be a mallet, and i brutally broke it. but the drum session was lovely. then becca and daniell gave laylee hickies while kevin and i were jealous on the couch. i filmed it though. but i wasn't supposed to really be going past-y with this... i haven't been going out or anything. in fact, there was that last tuesday, and then open-mic, and then saturday (which was AMAZING, as stated) but aside from that i've not really been out until today. zoë came to get me at about 3 or so, and we got dropped off at java. we ran around cooper-young taking pictures of things, which i hope came out. it was reeeeeally hot outside, and i ran though some people's sprinkler. we ended up back at java cabana (air conditioner), which was lucky, because shortly after we got there, i saw laylee and daniell getting out of their car! so i RAN across the street and tackled them and it was lovely. they came and sat around for a while, then we walked to the first congo parking lot to take more pcitures. of course, at that point, we discovered that they were all used up, so we couldnt try the lovely shots we'd wanted to. buttttt morgan fox was in the parking lot! and he whistled to us so i ran over, and he invited us to be in a movie!!!! i was about to jump all over that, but zoë's mom appeared right at that second. it made me SO FUCKING SAD, and i feel like a fool. if it had been someone else, i wouldve been like "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, WE ARE DOING THIS MOVIE RIGHT NOW OKAY MUTAHFUCKASSS" but i couldnt do that to her mom... it sucked. so we went to sekisui where i had the first sushi of my life, and hated it. california rolls can bite my ass. so i was really not liking being there or... anything. i DID like watching the little sushi bar boat go around and around, that was fun as hell. i wrote things like "think global, act loco" and "believe in dreams" on sugar packets, and put them on the little boats in hopes that people would take them out and be happy. i don't know, i don't think it worked. but after a while, we left and went to zoë's house. we sat around and talked for a while, and then we went to neil's around 8:30 (fashionably late hohoho) to see her friend ben's band play. they were fun. kinda jammy, some of the time, but the best things they played were their originals. the ones with lyrics. they DID play "i feel good" which was very happy. i danced and danced, but these people are tight-asses and nobody else danced. it was weird because the band members' parents (and their friends!!) were there and it was a really weird crowd. kinda like all those kids had to watch their backs the whole time, because either their parents or somebody that their parents know were all there. a couple kids from my school were there (including mr. pink pants at the talent show) but nobody i talk to. ben was cute, and he made me happy. his band made like $300 in tips, or something. fucking rich parent assholes. that's what you get for going to lausanne and inviting your parents to your show, i guess. i would rather play for a crowd that DANCED, not paid. iiii hope the band members saw me and zoë dancing together and said "i wish kids did that at EVERY show." muthafuckas. anyway. oh yeah, before the show, we dropped off my roll of film at walgreen's, and who was there but JONATHAN from country spacecraft ballerina!! it was really happy, and he said he would definitely do the next show. he was sad that he missed here and now, and he said he would've worn a wig to be in it. i love the man. i had a pretty good day... zoë invited me to spend the night, but i reeeeally wasn't up for it. she isn't really somebody that i can spend 31093750735 hours with, though i love her and everything. so i came back home and here i am. i wish there was something else for me to say that was interesting... but not really. sorry, faithful readers (HAHAHA).
i smell like fags.
...
ciggies, that is. i don't mind. i don't mind smelling like cigarettes or pot from a concert, because it reminds me of concerts. mmm i don't mind this smell at all. i have nothing but good memories from it. is that disturbing? watch me start smoking just so that i can think about music. how pathetic! black lung, here i come.

listening to: transplants - diamonds and guns

thursday night went pretty well. mom had to take me to java early so that she could take her nap before she went back to the hospital. so i sat outside for a while with ana while she smoked, which was a pretty good thing i guess, since elizabeth, jenny, and lauren d. happened to drive by. so they stopped (forgetting that it was open-mic) and stayed for the whole time. there was a slightly weird vibe since some of the regulars (amber, brock, elise) weren't there and some middle-aged non-regulars were... but val from bella sun was there too! so yay for that. and a weird woman was working, and i didn't really like her, and she didn't know how much pop-tarts were. zoë, daniell and becca came eventually, and that was wonderful. becca spent most of hte time outside jamming with michael, and by the time they came in to play, the weird worker woman turned the mic off. i didn't like her. so michael and becca played "across the universe" on the sidewalk outside, afterwards. all in all, it was a pretty slow night, but i had an okay time. it was really nice seeing jenny, lauren, and elizabeth. and it was even better just getting out of the house. mom made me come home straight afterwards though. oh well. when i got home i... sat around and ate ice cream, i guess. that is all i ever do. also, laylee found out that she had tonsilitis. she's not getting them removed, she just has to drink goo. poor dear, i love her.
friday (yesterday) i sat around. then dad took me to the orthodontist, which was hell. i won't go into the details of it, but basically my mouth is in incredible pain. so afterwards, dad took me to turtle's where i bought a CD. then he bought me a chocolate brownie frappuccino at starbucks next door, because my teeth hurt and something nice and cold and swooshy is nice to drink. then i MADE him listen to my cd, because i hate the way he listens to music now. he doesn't like music, he likes CDs. he doesn't like bands, he likes songs. i hate it. anyway. we came home and i sat around for a while. then dad and i went to the hospital to help bring morgan home. we were sitting there and then the doctors decided that she shouldn't come home yet and she needed another catscan. it was crazy. so dad bought us some backyard burger food and milkshakes, which we ate. mom brought me home around 7:30 and i just sat here for the rest of the night. way to spend friday the 13th, i know. i went to bed earlier than normal because i had such a long night, just sitting around. actually i tried to go to bed around 1:15, but i didnt fall asleep until after 2. so that sucked.
i woke up after 11:30 (AGAIN) so i guess i needed to catch up on some sleep. i took a shower for the first time in years, and (believe it or not) SAT AROUND for a while. laylee called me, and i love her. i am expecting to hear from brock and/or elise sooner or later, to let me know that they are home from bridge builders, and see if we are making plans. i intend to go to the media co-op movie(s) tonight, and i want to know what is going on. right now i'm trying to eat hot dogs but my teeth really hurt. okay.

THE BEST ALBUM COVER OF ALL FUCKING TIME!!!!!!

i feel like i should start writing in here again, because if i don't talk about my days, they don't exist anymore... so let's see. a little background information before i begin this week. on the last day of school (wednesday, may 28) my lovely sister morgan was admitted to the hospital with a ruptured appendix. the new procedure thing is that they don't take it out right away. they send the kid home with an IV pick, and they come back six weeks later for surgery. so she came home that saturday (i think) and was admitted back to the hospital by tuesday or wednesday, because she wasn't healing right. (the same day that she was taken back, my aunt, cousin, and grandmother came from south georgia to help take care of her.) the doctors found an abscess, and had to drain that away. she's been at the hospital ever since. my aunt jenny and cousin rachel went back to georgia on saturday, but grandma stayed and she has been here ever since. okay.
so on sunday night, elise IMed me late at night to tell me that she and brock weren't going to be gone for the 1 week of bridgebuilders they'd thought, and that they were actually going to be gone for 3 weeks, because of this writing camp at rhodes, that before now she hadn't realized was an overnight thingie. so it was very sad. and we went to bed.
on monday, grandma woke me up to tell me i had a phone call, and it was becca!! who i love. so it took us forever to actually make a plan but eventually, sarah came and picked us up. we got peaches, rolls, and a rose for morgan (thank you, shnucks and easy way) and went to the hospital. becca improvized a song using a poem that i had written for morgan on the first day she was in the hospital and she also played her own classic "shallow." we didn't really get to hang out for very long because mom kicked us out. i asked if i could go hang out at laylee's, but mom said no because she wanted me to go home and spend time with my grandmother. i didn't understand, because i knew that it would just end up me in here on the computer and grandma cleaning something elsewhere. but mom made me go home. so i got out of the car and everything, and right after i came in, the doorbell rang. and there was becca! sarah had had to go to a pilades class, and didn't really have time to take becca home, so she just hung out with me for a while. so she looked at my CDs and we hung up lights and talked and it was lovely and i love becca forever. daniell and laylee came to pick her up, and we stood around for a few minutes eating cheez-its and watching brock's Cribs. then they left (because i wasn't allowed to go out) and nothing else interesting happened that night.
tuesday.. wow this is really reaching to go back so far in my memory. i can't remember anything about tuesday. oh oh. so literally like 10 seconds after i woke up, zoë called and asked if we could get together and talk/work on her movie idea thingie. so i went over to her house for only a few hours and then mom wanted me to come home before we even got to audition eric for the film. le sigh. (wow do you ever find yourself sitting at your computer, wearing the headphones, but not listening to anything and you dont even have iTunes/winamp/musicmatch open? damn.) i wasn't TOO disappointed, plus i was intensely tired, so i came home and sat around and then went to lie down in the bed for a while. i remembered that it was tuesday, thus the night of the media co-op workshops that i have always wanted to go to, and so i called jenny to see if she could come. she couldn't, and i didn't really want to go alone plus i was really tired, so i went to sleep. around 9:15ish laylee called and said she wanted me to come to java cabana with her. i figured nobody was going to let me out of the house that late at night, and since mom was home asleep (thank god) i called dad up at the hospital to ask if i could spend the night with laylee. after some cajoling, he said yes. around 10, kevin and becca and laylee came and got me. we drove by java cabana, but at that point it was closed so we ended up just driving around. we somehow got from lamar to some interstate kinda thing and the signs said "st. louis" or "nashville" so we choose st. louis, and kevin kidnapped us across the bridge to arkansas. we drove and drove and drove for forever until we could turn around, but it was okay because we listened to violent femmes the whole time, and becca and i put our heads out the window, into the wind. it was lovely and every night should be that kind of thing. so eventually we ended up downtown. (that seems to happen really frequently when i am cruisin with kevin.) he and laylee were sick and after a while we went to kevin's house where they took some medicine and whatnot. laylee and becca and i got to have a cuddle-fest on his bed while he fixed something on his computer and it was lovely lovely and i love them. laylee kept saying she was cold, which was why we were trying to make her warm and everything, but she felt very hot. kevin took her temperature and she has a 102.4 fever so we went home. becca and i had already made plans to spend the night with her, so after kevin dropped us off, laylee went to bed in arman's room while becca and i fell asleep to can't hardly wait. she did, anyway. i was really tired during some parts of the movie, and i would close my eyes when it wasn't characters that i liked, but after the movie ended it took me a really long time to get to sleep (it was very cold and i didn't have a blanket, and i couldnt get comfy with my pillow). and then i woke up at 5something and was up for another while longer. and then i woke up at 8 with becca, which was when she had to get up so that she could go to therapy.
oh so by now it's wednesday. uhm. so becca got out of bed at about 8:15 and i stole her blanket (laylee's sleeping bag) and closed my eyes for a while until she and laylee came in (laylee had woken up about 6, poor dear... but she no longer had a fever). after she left, laylee and i ate ice cream out of the carton for breakfast, and then we got blankets and lay on the couches in her living room and talked while listening to radiohead and neutral milk hotel. it was really lovely, like laylee. and then mimi took me home at around 11, because she is very nice and i had to be home by 12 to appease my parentals. almost as soon as i got in, grandma sent me to sonic to buy lunch for us. i knew there was no way that the folks would let me go out again, so i didn't even bother. i sat around for a while... helped grandma fold and put up clothes. it wasn't very exciting. when dad got home, we ordered pizza and bread sticks (because morgan was wanting some) and dad dropped me off at the hospital to take them to her, and switch places with mom as morgan's guardian or whatever. i felt like a damn delivery woman, and let me tell you it is difficult to carry a box of pizza and a key lime soda through a whole hospital and make it to the 7th floor and past the nurses station unnoticed. i am such a slave in this family. and the part that sucks the most is that morgan's craving for breadsticks completely disappeared after one bite. i offered her every kind of sauce they had (pizza, garlic, cheese, and ranch) but she wouldn't eat them. so we just sat there and made fun of how gross they were and i made her laugh, which just pissed her off because it hurts her to laugh. we put on totoro and dad came. morgan fell asleep before the end of totoro and stayed that way for a couple hours, while i was bored out of my mind and played solitaire forever on mom's cell phone (which, yes, she had forgotten to take with her). she finally came back to the hospital just before 11, and dad and i drove home annoyed and tired. i finished the vanilla and orange sherbet. that was about it.
today grandma (accidentally) woke me up around 11:30 (this seems to be the time that i have been waking/woken up lately). i sat around for a while, and then deb came and took me and grandma to the hospital around 2:15, so that mom could go buy pillows and hang out at tuesday morning. i played solitaire and we watched trading spaces and whatnot, because the vcr keeps going fuzzy. morgan might get to come home tomorrow and it is about damn time, in my opinion. mom came back eventually, and we hung out until about 5:30 dad came to take me and grandma back home. now i am trying to figure out how to get to open-mic, and if i get there, will anyone be there for me to hang out with? i am sick of being stuck at home, and i'm not even here as much as i normally am in summer. i guess i am just lonely.

listening to: cub - my chinchilla

From MeDiA Co-op's June/July 2003 newsletter:

Do You Know Where Your ChildrenAre Productions

-This troup of young(13yo-17yo) filmmakers are doing it DIY style, writing, shooting, directing, editing, starring in, and promoting their own short films. They even manage their own website. Watch out, none of them have graduated high school yet...some haven't even made it to high school yet, and as their work is inspiring other like minds, their troup is growing...so, as they begin to produce more work, and start taking over the streets with their renegade-style of filmmaking, encouraging you to feel, and think, confronting the world head on.....the real question is....do you know where your children are?



(IS THIS HAPPY OR WHAT!)

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katherine and i editted BB3 on tuesday... morgan is at the hospital with what was at first a ruptured appendix, and she went back because it has a monstrously huge absess. she is miserable so she doesn't care about movies of course. it's sad that she can't be in the play we've been working on, here & now which was last weekend and this weekend. (june 6 and 7 at 8pm, june 8 at 3pm). and uhh. plug plug plug some more. i didn't make an announcement, but blue citrus hearts made its world premiere last week. it was absolutely beautiful and very great. so. see it when it shows on june 21 at the media co-op. uhh. plug plug plug. anyway i think that is about all. we're out of school now, so hopefully we will get some stuff done finally, and we'll try to keep you posted.