i am not sorry i said it
i am sorry i did not say it all
i could have gone for hours
but she was slipping
goodbye and i still can't hold her attention
nothing hit the right way
did i miss my target
or did the target run?
i could have said
"you drained me dry"
to the point where i
couldn't find comfort in similarities
needed to find separation
i needed
something beautiful for myself
something she could not
steal/perfect
they would not have loved you three years ago

The Fury

she helped me find courage and recognize beauty
she took it too far
she was nothing
and i was lost
she helped me understand she understood
she was lovely
she was not enough
and i was alone
she helped me become
she sees me
she is beautiful
and i am loved

that's a pretty nice haircut
elise is amazing. she is running this canned-food drive all by herself at like... three different schools. so this morning she announced it, on the tv thingie, and these people in my homeroom behind me were awful.
girl: she's weird.
guy: her hair looks like a boy.
girl: her hair looks like yours!
guy: why does she talk like that?

et cetera. it was really awful. the most awful thing was that I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. i couldn't think of anything to say at first and then by the time i realized that they had stopped talking, it was too late for me to say something and be relevant. i doubt that they would have held the incident in their minds for that long. so since elise is going to be making this announcement tomorrow and the rest of next week, i am going to defend her to death kind of. it was just awful because i had this two-hour conversation with her on tuesday night in which we talked about a lot, including people's reactions to her hair and everything. and plus elise is a completely amazing person. don't doubt it.

this week is weird. i'm still bipolar but sort of even more so? to a lesser extent? ahahhahahaha god. but yeah. reports today. DO NOT EVEN ASK. i should be doing homework but i'm really not. so uh. i'm gonna go avoid homework elsewhere.

From Home Movies to Music Videos

By: Elise Masur



Every Saturday, Memphis' very own Media Co-Op (1000 South Cooper) shows an assortment of short films created by locals. The directors of these films usually have no professional equipment or financial backing. However, to see a 13-year-old and her 15-year-old sister generate an astounding music video is something unusual to these already remarkable filmmakers.



So, how exactly did White Station Sophomore Alanna Stewart decide to start a "production company"? "We just did a short film called 'Romeo and Juliet Revisited' as an extra credit project, but Katherine (Dohan) entered it into the Memphis Digital Arts Film Festival over the summer. We were recognized as notable film makers, and seeing everyone else's homemade movies was really inspiring." After having always wanted to make films, witnessing the simple yet notable works of others helped Alanna and her friends realize just how easy it could be. "We never even use a tripod!"



The result, "Do You Know Where Your Children Are? Productions," is comprised of seven high schoolers and one middle schooler. Each video is filmed with a regular camcorder and edited on the Stewarts' home computer. So far, they have decided to take on eight different filming expeditions, each one chiefly directed by a different member of the production group. Even though they've only created two films, they have been well received, even by their teachers. Alanna and Katherine's ninth grade CLUE teacher Mrs. Kitts, who helped give life to "Romeo and Juliet Revisited," said, "They were brilliant…It was wonderful."



Crediting last summer's film festival as their inspiration, Alanna said, "The night it ended, my sister was coming up with visual ideas to put to this song…by a band I really love." Voila, last Saturday, 13-year-old Morgan Stewart watched on as her video to "Get Up" by Sleater-Kinney played on the silver screen.



When asked about the premiere, [Alanna] said, "I loved seeing it up there. I thought that I was going to be nervous like at Romeo and Juliet, but I just got really into seeing our work up there and knowing that these people would appreciate it for what it was and what we are…I felt like we'd accomplished so much since Romeo and Juliet…I want it to feel like that with every movie we make."

we don't have to get along

i'm having a great weekend. friday was a half day, so we did aboslutely NOTHING in school. we had two and a half classes and a basketball game which i chose not to go to. in geometry, we played with calculators and didn't get in trouble. in etymology, we read the school newspaper and i took notes on movie ideas for elise. in biology, i filmed things. then we watched part of tarzan and i tried to read a farewell to arms. don't let anyone try to tell you that that book is not about sex, drugs, and rock n roll. then we were dismissed at 11:10. kevin and his sister emily drove behind elise and i on the way to oak court mall for luncheon. robin and a huge group of people were walking, and at some red light we stopped and waved at them. doug godwin RAN ACROSS POPLAR and got into elise's car, which was beginning to move, and was thereby thrown across the entire backseat as we turned into the parking lot. i swear, the entire population of white station was there. i didn't have any money so i just filmed people eating. elise drove robin home and then we had very meaningful conversation on all levels. we went to elise's house and drove around. she changed out of her uniform and we went and stole morgan from lindenwood, and went straight back to elise's house (next to borders) so that she wouldn't be late for her doctor's appointment, where she got an evil flu shot and almost lost her voice. morgan and i sat around the Masur house and watched labyrinth. when elise got home, we picked up robin and went back to elise's house where, after conference, we called kevin and told him he had to be the star of elise's music video and we needed him at that very second. (oh yeah. elise and kevin are broken up but they don't act like it. hence, elise deciding to do "untouchable face" for her music video.) so we walked to the park and waited. then we filmed some things and it went really well, i think. i forgot to use the cool effect the whole time but i think it will be ok. i'm sad that i can't make that effect happen once i get the footage onto the computer. then elise, morgan, and robin drove to burger king and kevin and i followed. there, kevin paid for me to have dinner, which was fries. i also ordered a small water so that elise could throw it all over kevin. it was a really great shot. poor thing was cold for the rest of the night though. then elise drove robin, morgan, and i around for a while trying to lose kevin. we were actually going to try to go to laylee's house but we got really turned around and suddenly we were going the opposite direction on yates. so we didn't lose him and we went towards black lodge. the whole way we had the sun roof and a couple windows rolled down, singing at the top of our lungs. the best moment of course was when we got to listen to "Debaser" by the pixies and sing to kevin behind us. he also had his sun roof down and was singing at the top of his lungs. he told us later that elise had nearly hit about 2935070239 different things while trying to dance and drive. at black lodge, elise rented morgan fox and josh laurenzi's movie three minutes (based upon the revolution of the sun) but as far as i know, she hasn't had a chance to watch it yet. so we hung out there for a little while and walked around cooper-young and attempted to stalk josh and morgan fox but it didnt work. so we said goodbye to kevin and elise drove robin home. then we went home with elise just to get my backpack and my camera stuff because i had left it there thinking we would come back like. right after the park. so i'm sorry for wasting all of elise's gas but i love love loved getting to talk to her and be in the car for the extra time. it's the first time that i haven't been the first one to get dropped off. i'm so glad i don't have a curfew of any kind ahhahaha. so elise drove morgan and i back home. i got online and stayed on way too late, but (thank god) i sent my alarm for 11am which is when i woke up. voiceless elise came and picked me up at 12 and we went to perkins for lunch. we got to sit in a big roomy booth even though there were only two of us because all the other seats were taken. i loved being able to be there with elise. i can tell her anything. she said that this week would have been a shitfest without me and robin there, and i'm not sure exactly what i did but i really tried to be there for her and let her rant at me whenever she needed. elise and i shared these cheese and chicken quesadilla things that were really good. i didn't think i'd like them but i diddddd and elise paid for them and i felt bad. then she drove me home and as soon as i got there, morgan fox called and talked to morgan my sister about getting the "get up" video to the co-op before 7:30. morgan and i worked on a logo, which would not have been hard but practically none of our tapes are labelled and we had to go through everything trying to find clips for stuff. watch the finished product here and cry because the best part is too dark. oh yeah, our production company is now here. so we took the video to them and we came back and eat dinner and hung out for a while. then we went to go see our video with nine other short films at the first congo theatre. this woman from youth-xpress talked to morgan and i and said she wanted us to write an article about our filmmaking. so we said we'd think about it and she gave us her CARD. it was amazing. morgan bought some organic jelly beans and mom bought some organic soda and they were both very good. some of the movies were very good and some were boring even though they were short. i loved brian siler's two and this one called "rock star" featuring the yeah yeah yeahs, who are my heroes. i can't really remember all of them. margaret, meg, and christie got to come for part of the time (long enough to see our movie) but had to leave, because of their curfew. elise brought robin and brock and i love all of them more than anything. sarah rushakoff came just in time to see ours; dad missed ours because he was at his boss's 60th birthday party down the street. mom nearly fell asleep because it was a "late night out" for her and morgan wore her costume from the video. i loved being there and i loved sitting next to my sister, in front of my parents, and when elise was pimpin with her arm around my shoulder and me nearly falling asleep on her because of this movie that was the shortened version of the last man on earth or whatever it's called. when it was over, elise and robin and brock praised the video and the new logo, and we talked to morgan and josh, who are two of my favorite people on the planet and make me want to live in memphis forever. elise and i got organic sodas, and morgan showed us the trailer for his and josh's next movie, blue citrus hearts. big parts of it were filmed at white station. we were all very upset that we didn't get to be in it, even though morgan my sister is going to be in one scene and apparently morgan fox told elise that we could be in the last scene, so that's cool. we came home eventually and i got online and stuff. here i am. ta-da! good night all. i hope that tomorrow is as wonderful as the rest of the weekend.

we are, at this moment, in the process of shooting our followup music video to "get up" which is "untouchable face" directed by elise masur. we're also shooting katherine dohan's "much finer" music video, and we're about to edit her detention short. hopefully we'll have some stills up soon, and you'll be able to see them on the projects page.

testing the new Blogger updating system.

come see our "Get Up" music video tonight at 7:30pm at the First Congo Theatre in the First Congregational Church on 1000 Cooper. see a map.

i am so intensely happy

See what Rugrat you are.

See what Rugrat you are.

both of these popped up after i took the quiz so i think that i tied.

what a beautiful face

today was crazy and i was bipolar.
i am very very very excited about Do You Know Where Your Children Are? Productions. we have about 20 projects in the works. it's incredibly exciting. we're looking at different kinds of external harddrives (for imac g4 thingie) so if you have any recommendations or suggestions, please send them my way. we're working on getting a web site up (BRITTANY) so hopefully that will be coming at you shortly.
and then i was pissed off at other things all day long and i'm annoyed that no one seems to be able to tell me things. except elise and kevin, who i am in love with. it's crazy because it's just elise. and kevin. now and not EliseAndKevin entity, as of monday november 4. it's really sad. please send them your condolences, but don't really because they would probably get annoyed at me. katherine dohan already says i'm a gossip.
listen to the new tori amos album. it's bloody brill. and be sure to buy the special edition one with the dvd and stuff. the whole thing is a lot of fun. there's stickers and a charm and a map depicting the journey of the character that the album is based on.

whatever happened to my dear diary?

this weekend was great. today was euphoric, especially for like... 45 minutes there. starting about with when katherine and i started talking to zak, through curtian call, until the time that laylee and becca left theatreworks. god. brilliant. the rest of the day was really good too.

Saturday November 9 - 7:30pm @ First Congregational Church
series of short films featuring the "get up" video directed by morgan stewart, editted by alanna stewart
YAYYYYY COMEEEEE PLEEEASSESEEEE
SUPPORT THE MeDiA CO-OP AND DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR CHILDREN ARE? PRODUCTIONS!! BE THERE!


also be there at 4pm on november 23 to see the screening of the momo's curse that was filmed by the wonderful members of the media co-op. thanks, guys!!!!

Which Donnie Darko character are you? by Shay

haven't seen the movie but i'd like to

things are getting strange

last night's show went really well, considering it was the first show and everything. there was one line that i pretty much blew (i only said the first statement in it. luckily harriet picked it up anyway.) the marx puppet went unexpectedly well! the members were very connected. today i bought belated birthday presents for margaret graves and katherine warren (shh!) at the internation artisans' market at prescott church, where i used to go every sunday. then i came home for a little while before dad and i finally went to put up posters for the play at pie in the sky and legba records. at legba, we looked around and i bought the white stripes self-titled album. then we went by black lodge video to see if they'd put up the poster we gave them a while ago, which they had. dad and i looked at movies and ended up renting our castmate morgan fox's movie, three minutes based upon the revolution of the sun. we haven't had a chance to watch it yet though. so it was discovered that brittany didn't really tell her parents about taking her to the play tonight, except that she wanted to go so they came home kinda late-ish and they didn't want to drive her. so she didn't get to come, which is pretty bad because morgan fox wanted his four cameramen to SEE the play this weekend and FILM the play next weekend. anyway morgan and i washed our costumes but we both forgot to put them in the dryer in time for them to be ready by 7, which is when we had to be at the theatre. so mom, who helped manage the house tonight, brought them for us. i had to walk around with my pockets inside out for a while to try and make them undamp. it didn't really work. the play tonight was really weird. the beginning, especially, was really dragging. but i was very proud that afterwards sarah told me i had been louder than zoë. *beam beam* so the show was weird, as stated. i felt the whole time i was on like i was dreaming or something. the show was supposedly sold out, mainly because of this mental health conference that's being held in memphis and they dropped off a bus load of people. but the responses were weird or something i guess. several people, and andy, came in a little late. andy sat in a seat really close to where i was lying at the time and waved. patty said that he was trying to talk to her while she was on stage and that he kept saying "ineffable! ineffable!" but after i noticed him come in and everything, it looked like he was going to sleep! he literally leaned his head back and rested it on the stage, and then he kind of nodded away. he started looking around again after a big loud noise. it was strange. when i exitted, i discovered that there were about five people just ... sitting in the lobby. just sitting, doing nothing. so they pay $10 for a play that they are going to sit during the lobby during? nice going, guys. and people kept coming in and out of the theatre... it was crazy. but afterwards some really nice people talked to us and asked for autographs and everything. after everyone left, brad, sarah, morgan, dad, and i sat around for a while in the lobby and then went to ihop for a very quick quasi-dinner, where i had some fries. we had a great time listening to elton john, backstreet boys, and earth, wind, & fire. we were some of the only people there at first and then this HUGE mass of people just kind of gathered. and we were of course being loud and crazy so we had to tone it down a little. pretty depressing. then we headed over to highland quartet or whatever it's called for the midnight showing of the rocky horror picture show! we were slightly late -- we missed the very beginning of the opening song (with the lips, you ignorant bastard.) there were only about 15 people there. morgan, sarah, and i sang all the songs and i think dad sang a few. brad had only seen it once before. i noticed a bunch of details on the big screen that i'd never seen before. it was strange and wonderful. sarah was the only one of us yelling at the movie and there was another guy a few rows back who was yelling too, but not the same words. no one dressed up or brought props or anything. it was pretty great. i'm sad that katherine, zoë, and laylee couldn't come. they missed a great time.

Your Inner Blonde is Jenny McCarthy

Sure you're hot, but the only guys you seem to attract are twelve year old nose pickers.


Maybe you'll make a comeback, but you've got to lay off the bodily functions.




Who's *Your* Inner Dumb Blonde? Click Here to Find Out!

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

if i had only been born about ten years earlier and i lived either in new york or on the west coast... i could have seen/see all the best concerts. some of these combinations are MIND-BOGGLING. go here and weep for all the concerts you ever missed.

everybody vote for tori! the video is really weird and beautiful. i highly recommend it. it's great. also click here.

everyone come see the play i am in tomorrow night! theatre at its best.... the intensity of the show is amazing! it's shocking! static! electric!

the momo's curse
by our own voice
at theatreworks
8pm on oct 24, 26, 27, nov 1 &2
3pm on nov 3

the play itself is about an hour and 45 minutes long. now i know you can spare that much of your life for one of the all-time weirdest plays you will ever see. read the article in the memphis flyer.

also i disagree with becca that "techies are the backbone of every theatrical production." firstly, what the fuck do they do! why are there so many of them?! secondly, our play has no backstage and HAS NO TECHIES. we have The Sound Guy and The Lights Guy and thats it. fuck tech.
(i think i want to be on tech at school next year)

WELL I'M GOING TO FAIL EVERY SUBJECT THAT SCHOOL EVER CREATED.
I PROMISE.

i need a chick with a cowboy hat
this weekend was great, this week has been awful. friday, right after school, i rode the bus to the library with margaret to work on our (deadly) english project. we didn't get anything accomplished really. elise and evan were there working on theirs too. dad picked me up around 5 and we went straight to rehearsal, where we were working on scenes 8 and 9 or something like that. so at the break, after scene 8, i called up mom and she took me to kullision skate park which is actually the world's smallest warehouse in the white ghetto, about five minutes away from my house where i met up with brittany and heather hyden. the smile brigade was supposed to play their farewell show there, but were not allowed for some reason. we saw the holiday, instead, and justin from tsb who is very cool and is my new hero. katherine dohan showed up at some point and we all grooved. i think the three of us felt really out of place. well i know i did. we were the only people there, i swear, who didn't go to the same church and school. it was like the youth group in a bottle called the five feet that are the kullision skate park. basically everyone there was a cordova punker. you'd be surprised at how many there are, but that's what the suburbs will do to you. so katherine and brittany came over afterwards. katherine tried to teach brittany and me the bass line for "blister in the sun" on my teeny acoustic guitar which is missing a string. if it wasn't i would be jamming in there right now, i swear to god. (meg taught me to play 'america the beautiful.' i dont think i remember how but i can pretend.) katherine wanted to spend the night at my house (with brittany) but she called her parents and they didn't want her to. so she left around midnight. brittany, morgan, and i watched degrassi. it was bloody brill. this kid got abused by his father for the first time, somebody foudn out about it, and they got him away from his dad ALL IN ONE EPPIE. i'm really upset that i didn't watch this week because ashley did some ecstasy and made out with some guy who isnt jimmy. anyway we all went to bed after that. brittany had to get picked up at 10am for tai chi. i went ahead and got up then. i think i got online for a little while... ate something... watched tv. we had rehearsal from 2:30 - 5:30. afterwards, morgan went to see her friend sara stephens in the very hungry caterpillar at ewing children's theatre. then they came home and we all went to see spirited away which is a GREAT movie so GO SEE IT!! don't listen to leath bing for he is a creepy asian.