Showing posts with label filmmaking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label filmmaking. Show all posts

Sunday, October 14, 2018

florida party dream

rachel smith's birthday party at her house. it's a lot of people, feels like a lot of people more mature than our crew. then again are any of the other nola folks here or is it just transplants from my memphis group that i'm finding here?
dexter, rachel's son i've never met, probably 4 or 5 here although he's gotta be almost 10 by now, removes his pants and underwear and runs away from me giggling. i think it's pretty funny too but the adults are generally aghast that i haven't been able to keep him under control. so now i'm chasing him around with the pants in my hand, trying to coax him to put them back on and feeling generally incompetent.

somehow i end up in the bed in my pajamas? was it a sleepover? the room doesn't really feel like rachel's room although i guess it's supposed to be. the mattress is on the floor along the back wall, and i can see out to the backyard through the windows when i turn around. everybody is out there having a good time, partying, pool splashin. i realize i'm wearing my pajamas (blue firefly shirt) so i look for my bag to put on some real clothes and join the festivities. all i can find is some real dumb shorts i don't like and my floral crop top i've only worn once. i don't want to put it on. do i? or maybe i just go out there in my pajamas and people judge me okay so what. or maybe i'm just distracted by talking to people out there and i forget that's the problem. lots of pals here, lauren dunn, kat, brett, morgan, hunter daniel?? definitely others but i can't remember specifics. i think mallory is here too.
at some point i remember that rachel recently broke up with another boyfriend who was a narcissistic addict, another mean drunk. i want to find a time to commiserate with her about that, but i don't know when i'll be able to, with all these people around. i've barely spoken to her.
i need to get in the pool with everybody else, go back to digging through my bag looking for my swimsuit. it's not there, i probably didn't even pack it, but i'm poking around through piles of stuff on the floor and the desk and now that i think about it, it kind of has the quality of one of the video games i played with jerel this week-- moving through the actions of searching in order to go to the next scene. i'm also exhausted somehow. (by now i've been snoozing my alarm clock and/or getting woken up by dogs and then falling back asleep. in real life i know i need to get up because it's getting really late but i guess i'm pretty tired and there's also this sense of things i need to finish in the dreamworld.)
so in the dream i fall asleep on the bed again. are there dreams within the dream? there must be.
i remember i'm standing over a desk looking through some papers and i see an infographic about making art and suggestions for process. one header says something like "THE TALISMAN" but maybe not that, it has a picture of a pink clock. it's talking about the important of the initial inspiring words - but actually it seems to be about more than words - it's about the moment that you receive inspiration for a project, or the moment that something clicks, and having a physical object or image that recalls that moment. keep it with you or keep it in your work space to hold onto the source of the feeling. of course this is sounding very obvious typing it down, but it felt very useful in the dream. especially since i don't have a damn process and it's so hard to say "artist" and i didn't learn any of these tricks.
at some point rachel is standing over me on teh bed, maybe this is even a nightmare within the dream because she's distant and seems irritated with me, but rightly so considering that i'm sleeping through her birthday party. her green eyes are piercing, so vivid, her hair is currently dyed a deep auburn and her hair is long and wavy at her shoulders. she looks otherwise just the same, same rachel i loved so long ago. i guess everything is pretty fuzzy but her eyes and hair are nothing but clear, in the sharpest focus. i remember i remember.
my body is so exhausted but i have to get up. i look out and i think hunter daniel is gonna play some drums or someone is performing music in front of the pool. it's getting a little darker out now. maybe i fell asleep again. i look up and people are singing karaoke. i can't miss this! I've gotta sing!!! finally i drag myself up, now it's as if the wall has melted away and people can talk to me in the bed from the yard, i can enter and exit this way. brett sees me sit up and calls, "alanna i need your help judging this karaoke contest! come over here!" although obviously i've missed all the performances so it makes no sense for me to judge, which i think i realize. i dip down again, exhausted, and when i sit back up, brett is awarding morgan and two other friends (rex?? kat? i don't remember but they're good buds) who are dressed up as makeshift crystal gems with rainbow fabric skirts and sashes. felt or construction paper hair. they're overjoyed to be winning and i can't believe i'm missing this. how does it keep happening?
as i'm walking out, morgan is coming in, she says that so and so loaned her this bathing suit and she's done with the pool (at some point before, brett has said "Everyone's done with the pool" ???) and i can wear this loaner suit. it's hideous, tan masquerading as gold, and maybe with sequins. it's actually familiar, i think i've worn it last time i was here (but i never could have been here) and i hesitate because of how it looks (so vain in this dream!) but put it on anyway. finally i walk to get in the pool but find it mostly full, and although it turns out there's a second pool (duh) a few feet away from teh first one, no one is know is here. i am trying to participate but seeing my friends all having fun just beyond reach. i try to make small talk with these new people but i feel awkward and stiff. standing in the corner of the pool facing the other pool - see a little tiny brown spider (but a kind of electric blue outline?) skip across teh water into our circle, very fast. we all overreact, and try to splash it away from us. it lands a few feet away, on top of what i quickly realize is another spider just like this one-- only it's 10 times as big. monstrous!! i look around the pool and it dawns on me that there are critters everywhere. little squat brown toads that could've been rocks, sitting neatly on top of the water. wait that oen's not on the water, it's on top of a fucking tiny ALLIGATOR. well, it's florida after all! and i guess we are partying in the swamp!

((this seems like a good image to hang onto for space submarine commander, although saying it out loud to jerel, they said bog witch. good point. and funny that the dream told me to find the image to hang onto-- i think that's probably accurate for both SSC and bog witch. i fucking wish i had a fucking WORK SPACE where i could hang some images on the wall and have a place to freakin think and dream and work. help.))

Monday, April 11, 2016

​i admire people who are doing things all the time. i am jealous of people accomplishing a lot.
i need to plan my week better, set goals for the days ahead. it's helping a little to have the day before planned out, but i'm still not getting enough done. filling the time with the tasks and all that.
i need to dream bigger although i'm not sure what that looks like.
and it's hard right now, being unemployed. i feel useless! like i have all this time and i'm just wasting it or worrying it away over someone else's agenda. THAT SUCKS.

katherine just sent me an idea to make reenactment videos to start promoting concrete again. i read the idea and my first thought was "what will brett think?"
how warped has my brain gotten that i can't make up my own mind?
and just today i was reading an old chat conversation i was having with tom about how arrogant and controlling brett was on set, and in general.
and another conversation where katherine and i were miserable, wracking our brains to figure out what the hell the story even meant, and what were we saying, and how did we do this to ourselves.
i need to think more before i say yes to katherine's idea, but i mean. why not? we've done all this other mess. and i was literally just sitting here feeling sad that i'm not producing anything.

Sunday, November 15, 2015

don't trust other people with your ideas.
don't trust other people to know better than you about your things.

i would've ordered a new charger, i would've shipped the old one to east wind.
i knew the package would never make it in time, we'd be stuck here waiting or have to leave without it.
we waited an extra day and we're still leaving without it.
so i finally ordered new goddamn gear this morning, which i should've done immediately when i realized my idiot self left the charger in ohio.


if you had told me you shipped the whole thing back to acorn, i could've ordered a new battery as well as a charger. now i'm down to one.
yes it's better than nothing.
yes really there's no one to be mad at but myself.

and then why am i SO upset? what makes me take this SO seriously?
(and yet not serious enough, i could've done so much more.)
((and yet so serious that i build it up and up until i'm too paralyzed to shoot))

3 and a half months after i've started this journey and i feel totally unaccomplished and broken down.
at first i had a lot of ideas for what i wanted to capture, my vision of my role.
you all wanted heads talking with your own ideas regurgitated. nothing new, nothing true.
after i adjusted to the reality, i still had lots of ideas-- what i thought would capture people's attention, funny videos and zines and things.
you all crushed my ideas and i went ahead and finished killing them off.

so where am i now?
i felt so good about what i gathered at the midden. not great, but okay.
i felt so good until alex said "let's do another interview once you've fleshed out your thoughts more."
i felt so good until rejoice asked if i got exterior shots, after we'd left the state, after knowing that they took the house tour without me.
i felt so good until my dumb ass left my battery and charger in the kitchen, right there in the wall, right where someone else plugged it in.
i felt so good when i found mike's phone charger and packed it for him, how thorough i am! (a lie, i felt irritated that dustin had taken his phone and left the charger here, full well knowing this was mike's because he borrowed it, this is part of our party, this comes with us. and even now i feel irritated, surely someone in our crew saw the battery there in the wall, someone knew this thing should not stay in ohio.)
i felt so good when this journey was an adventure, when i had a purpose, how i was alive and living.

where am i now?
i'm so mad at myself about the battery that i'm not present, not engaging, not actively asking questions or trying to learn new people.
and i'm feeling like a grump, irritated by everything, constant frown.
i feel myself faking it trying to let loose and it feels awful.
i hope i don't have to go back on meds.




back on the road, we arrive at Possibility Alliance just in time to catch a tour with a student group from Truman College. we're just a couple minutes late, so a visitor walks us out to a patch of grass where the rest of the group is gathered in a circle, popcorn-sharing the things we want to change about our world.
Ethan wears a red baseball cap and leads animatedly, barely able to keep up with himself and the long strings of ideas he wants to share. some of the kids seem already bored or jaded, or maybe i just can't tell what people are feeling anymore.
it feels good to sit in the grass, in the sun, to watch the cow and feel the eyes of other humble humans who are not (yet) communards, with a whole different kind of jadedness.
as idealistic or radical or "crazy pants" as ethan might be, i'm still drawn into his words, jogging along after the chasing thoughts, i'm feeling this.
"we look at screens more often than we look in each other's eyes. humans spend more than half of their waking hours looking at screens."
i'm wasting my life, it's clear.
ethan is adamant that we shouldn't feel too guilty about our own habits up to this point; that will only lead to more suffering, more pain. self-hate is not the solution.
this is a hard one to remember.
i can feel the others in my party are not so sold. rejoice has gotten this tour speech twice already and dustin's already checked out and "hopeless" (his words, his goal) at 22.
as much as i'm feeling the impact of these stories, of being here, i can't get rid of the nagging consciousnesses of the other side.
it's funny what impressions i have of the different communities before i get there. i guess i thought i wouldn't be interested in this place -- why, exactly? i can't recall now, and i can't remember details, just a vague impression.
maybe because they have a "gift economy" which in Point A world is not as interesting or radical as income-sharing and therefore is null.
maybe because it's just a small farm with one family in the middle of nowhere, missouri.
but being here, maybe it's the college tour, i get the sense that they're engaged on a broader level than most of the other communities i've met. they host quaker meetings, craft nights, work days, straw bale building workshops and permaculture trainings. they just got back from a rally (??) in detroit for water rights.
and they've done all this with ONLY a landline telephone and no other electricity.
so what do we think we're doing???
at every community i visit, i consider living there, if only for a moment. on this day, in light of all this mess, i wonder what my life would be like without electricity, without screens. how important are they and how much do i need them, really?
maybe ethan is a crackpot and an idealist but isn't that what i've always wanted to be too?
he asks us this question i've heard a lot lately-- if you could do anything, be anything, if someone waved a magic wand and you could have your dream, what would it look like?
i never do know.
i think that's a major part of my problem.
it changes on the daily or it floats just beyond me, a shifting shape in the fog.
what would happen if i cut it all out, the distractions and the phoneys and the plastics? would i find any answers?
what if i learned all new arts, what if i learned a whole new way to be myself?

i might want some of my modern things.
i might want a manual typewriter.
i might learn to build creatures and make worlds and take photos on film to tell my stories.
i certainly will need my cat.
i don't know what to do about that.

for that moment when i imagine myself in whichever community, i can be anything, i have a whole beautiful life there for myself.
and every life, in every land, is always different.


i listen so much, it's one of the few things i'm really good at, that i value about myself.
so often i hear you before you've spoken. sometimes i can answer before you've said it -- and then you interrupt me to tell me your thought and it was exactly what i thought. why can't you hear me??


"Pandora was pretty dopey dude, she had pretty simple instructions. just don't open the box! stupid bitch."

make this man stop butchering this song.

Saturday, September 04, 2010

can't control thoughts of things i needed

yesterday laylee showed me this cragislist ad for a vague but cool sounding kennel assistant/dog walking thing:
Dog walkers/helpers, full-time & Part time . This will be at a kennel/rescue. Behaviorist helper and kennel helper are the positions avail. Flex hours and good pay ($12+/hour depending on job and your experience). Reply back if interested.
so of course i replied to it because i respond to ALL the vet/animal rescue ads, and around noon today i got a reponse! i was SOOOOOO EXCITED and pranced around the house and felt better htan i've felt in forever and just basked in the idea of doing rescue work. the crazy thing was that i had JUST been talking to my mom about wanting to do this kind of thing, and she was so excited for me too and saying "it's fate!" everything felt beautiful. katherine arrived and we watched the latest version of our movie trailer, and it just felt perfect. my parents both loved it and laughed in all the right places. then while katherine went to pick up her new guitar from the store, i wrote a gushy reply to the PAWS guy about how excited i was to be given this opportunity, animals are the light of my life, etc etc etc.
but THEN. i clicked the link in the email where i was supposed to fill out a questionare and upload my resume. it was then that i realized the whole thing was a scam. everything fell to pieces, i'm no longer floating around, and i remember what a cruel and horrible thing reality is. if this WAS fate, i obviously needed a reminder that people are evil and things never just work out like they should.
fuck it all.
plus now we're having a trailer crisis as well. please watch it and let us know if it makes any sense or is good. leave feedback in the comments.

listening to: hop along, queen ansleis - bruno is orange

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

things look better in the morning light

i really hate that i can't sleep right now. i just took a benadryl to help me out... why can't i ever sleep when i really need to?
last night after our jib shoot i picked up py from the train station a bit after 10. we hung out with john tom and co. on his last night in town until about 3, then stayed up talking and drinking in my yard until 9am or something stupid like that. we slept until 3:20 which is insane because i missed like 3092572 phone calls-- i NEVER sleep through phone calls so i guess i was really passed out. seeing py was amazingmazingmazing, and i really hope he'll be back in a month like he says. his gf is going to school in nashville now, so maybe i'll get to see him regularly for a while. what a great energy he brings to life... miss that boy.
i got some disappointing news from my dad today... looks like the public services division of the city of memphis government is being forced to make a fuck ton of budget cuts because of something that i don't understand that has to do with the memphis city schools and i don't even know. so basically a bunch of part-timers at the library are probably gonna lose their jobs, meaning that i am probably not gonna get hired by frayser and i have to start looking for something else. i can't even say how disappointed i am... goodbye, beautiful dream job. hello, ugly world.
i have been really bad about accomplishing goals this summer. i pretty much gotta get real. mostly i need to work on my time management skillz and actually doing what i say i'm gonna do. part of me wants to make a list of things on here to make this official, but i don't think i have the energy right now. for starters, let's just say i need an awesome veg nutrition/cookbook and a grocery list.
oh yeah you heard about the WIKI right?????

listening to: larkin grimm - little weeper

Saturday, February 21, 2009

i could not embrace the day

THE THERMALS ARE COMING TO MEMPHIS!!!
perfect timing, it's only a few days after i get out of school. a great way to start the summer! this summer will be very busy, of course, again. i will be shooting/editing concrete (yes, still), attending the radical queer convergence in chicago, and there's some talk of SV going on tour, but i dont know if that's still happening. i have been looking at the idapalooza website and getting lovesick for it, but i might be too busy to go... i will have to wait and see what the lineup is, because what if it is too good to miss? then again, there is SO much to do, especially with the movie.... and we really need to get as much done this summer as we can. or else, we will never finish.

this week was one of those ones where you are never sure what day it is, even when the day is half-over. i kept getting confused about which classes i had next, and i would be walking somewhere and not remembering where i was going. maybe i can blame these feelings on the very large bump i took to the head on saturday night, but i don't really feel like placing blame there, it is bad enough already.
it was one of those weeks where each night, you go to bed miserable, realizing you will only get three to five hours of sleep, knowing you will never catch up, and wondering where you went wrong. everything is in a hazy daze and it's all that you can do to even realize that you are tired, because you're just so busy. there is always somewhere to be, something to read or write, something else to be thinking about next. on wednesday someone gave me the advice to "slow down and take some time for yourself" to which i responded "I WILL IF I HAVE TIME!" i usually try to chill out for a little while after dinner but then i end up getting mad at myself for not working, and not finishing what i have to do.
this was one of those weeks where you don't finish any of the things you are supposed to be doing, despite all the planning and time-budgeting and trying to do everything right... nothing goes right. when you finally try to talk to people, thinking you have time for meaningful conversation, you give out bad advice. the conversation you've been needing to have for weeks spirals out of control, leaving you depressed, frustrated, and ultimately too tired to do your homework. i had a take-home exam due on monday that i didn't turn in until wednesday... my professor was so nice, he didn't take off any points for it being late, which is so amazingly lucky. i hope i did a good job on it so that he doesnt feel like it was undeserved. then i had a paper due on friday which i really didn't mean to put off until the night before, but somehow that happened, and i thought it would be easy to do, but everything got away from me, and i ended up writing a really stupid email to my professor at 4:30 in the morning explaining why i couldn't turn the paper in that day. no good reasons, of course.
it was a week for fighting and making up. for unsteadiness and unsureness how to ask for help. for sickness and possible roads to recovery. for conversations left incomplete, and the fear of pressing forward. was i ever able to communicate? it doesn't seem that way. maybe part of the problem is that all these things are going on, leaving me unable to really process what i'm thinking, so when i try to talk, my thoughts are jumbled and i don't know how to get where i need to go. does this change? am i stuck this way forever?
i think i'm gonna clean my room. this seems like a step in the right direction. or maybe i will take a nap.

listening to: hope for agoldensummer - midwest

Sunday, February 01, 2009

do the astro

here's the longass horoscope i got today, for a period supposedly lasting from march last year (when i left new orleans) until this coming december. it's no wonder my life is so fucked!

"Valid during many months: The logical and rational faculties of your mind are likely to be scrambled by this influence, so that you are no longer quite sure what you think about anything. Or you may come under the influence of ideas that you would not have held previously. You are likely to make the worst mess of this period if you try to organize and restructure your life now. Consequently this is a bad time for making important decisions that will affect the direction of your life. It is also a bad time for most business decisions, because there is a danger that you are poorly informed about what is going on.

This influence always raises the issue of self-deceit, being deceived by others or your deceit toward others. Be extremely careful of these hazards in any kind of negotiations. Deceit may be inadvertent. For example, you may find that you are unable to clearly express what is on your mind because the thoughts seem so complex and disorganized, and when you do say something, others misunderstand you completely. Be very sure that people really understand your meaning when they say they do.

On the plus side of this influence, you will be much more receptive to subtle forces around you. Your rational mind may be confused, but your intuition is likely to be very sharp. The only difficulty you might have is in making others understand the basis of your understandings.

You may become interested in psychic matters and in mysticism under this influence. You will arrive at a profound and direct knowledge of the inadequacies of unaided logic, and you may seek to expand your understanding of the more hidden aspects of the mind. You may even encounter hidden abilities in your own mind."


it's sort of horrifyingly accurate... i get accused of being irrational all the time, and people don't seem to know what i'm talking about ever, and the stuff i have understood/realized seems way too difficult to talk about. does this seem accurate to anybody else that knows me? does anybody else believe in these sorts of things?

ask me about my birthday, i suppose. it was pretty bizarre. some VERY weird moments, some good points, but didn't feel much like a birthday overall. honestly, i don't mind. but man, it's weird to realize that i've been buying alcohol for a whole year. what! new orleans feels farther and farther away... also weird was that i spent almost a whole year at home, obsessing over the fucking movie, which STILL isn't finished of course. 2 more years!!! ............... aopwiehgasd

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

updates

--i got my motherfucking driver license two weeks ago.
--i am single for the first time since 2004. so far, i feel surprisingly good.
--on thursday, i am moving into my first apartment, on jackson avenue in new orleans. i will be living with brandon, mallory, and py. (obviously, this is an arrangement of lunacy.... i suppose it's a long story, not meant for tonight.)
--i am a liar, a coward, and a thief. and many other things.
--i need more confidence.
--i start school in slightly less than a week and i'm scared as hell.
--as excited as i am about living in new orleans, i'm sort of terrified to go back. the place is a black hole.
--i work minimum wage. however, my parents still pay for stuff like school, insurance, etc. they are awesome.
--i have not paid for a haircut since december 2005, and it is amazing. some weeks i feel like getting it cut every day, and i talk somebody into doing it! the stuff's also sort of run together with three or four different colors, i'd say.
--i love cats and cat folk... but i'm pretty friendly to dogs as well.
--in general, i hate most and love few. wow, though, those ones are so great. it is astounding.
-katherine and i have spent the summer working on a film, which is finally coming into true fruition. so many amazing people have donated their time and talents, we are so lucky to know them all.
--trying to be two places at once is impossible, but missing one causes so much strife and disrupts all the balance. does this make any sense? katherine gets it.
--i want to make music in a shanty chant.
--tomorrow i have an appointment with a man who is going to up the dosage of my antidepressants. how strange to ask for something that i don't even want.
--"happiness is the most insidious prison of all." i think i believe that statement. (a quote from v for vendetta)
--cancer is terrifying. sickness is everywhere.
--death still seems like the best option most times.
--blogging is extremely hard these days. sometimes i start posts and never finish them... but i feel like communicating with the vast expanses. despite all the past run-ins i've had with its hidden dangers.... even the most recent one. but! i feel like dealing big right now. take it!
--this is the beginning of a new time.

listening to: garbage - wicked ways

Sunday, April 17, 2005

over the brainless chattering null set

friday's hamlet screening preview was a technical nightmare. but everyone still managed to have fun. thanks to each of the kids who came over to my house afterwards. although you were an awkward grouping, it was good times and i like all of you.
saturday involved rehearsal, dinner with some of my favorite people at memphis pizza cafe, and random time spent in houses. 3 and a half hours of music video watching. 16 D batteries. and a BIG FUCKIN ROACH. WITH BIG FUCKIN WINGS. at that point, you know you must go to bed.
today was (unconsciously) feminist activism day. who fucking knew? it was only spring, we were only aiming to have a good time. honking horns weren't the aim of short strappy dresses... although, admittedly, the strange eye make up did get its fair share of stares from the people of otherlands, java cabana, young avenue deli, wild oats, home depot, our own voice theatre troupe, and chuck munter. when kimberly said, "is this supposed to be some sort of feminist statement?" we took a moment to look down at our rather exposing outfits. woopsy daisy!! i'm innocent, i swear.

listening to: 50 foot wave - pneuma

Friday, April 15, 2005

Monday, April 04, 2005

no snow, no rain -- how do you expect to keep this place clean?

i shouldn't be online anymore. but i'm still giddy and wahahaha. scandaliz vandalistz are doing so well! i'm very proud of our write-up in the paper, our upcoming gigs, and even all our myspace friends. truly, this is a great time for SV.
and also a great time for Do You Know Where Your Children Are? Productions, if i do say so myself. we're still working on coming up with a big ole dvd and are hoping to have the hamlet premiere this weekend or next weekend... whatever ends up happening when we talk to mr. foxy. katherine and i had been planning to do a little more editing before we opened the gates of hamlet to the world, but what with our stunning ratings with the screen audience (plus the fact that brandon has watched the thing three times within the past 24 hours) i think it's safe to go ahead with this version. maybe fix up the bloopers and whatnot. but you get the idea.
anyway i'm very proud of my little hatchlings. and oh, how i hate physics homework. especially when it's late and i already took the test on the material today. apowighepoawhgopawhe

listening to: 50 foot wave - golden ocean

Sunday, March 27, 2005

our slate is clean, say what you mean

thursday was sara's party. it was very good fun. i danced a lot and stayed up too late, but did not get kissed.
friday, dad picked us up and dropped me off at LA's house where we separated into two cars and scuttled our way to helena, arkansas. good times were had by all. i hope.
that night was the hamlet preview. people laughed, which is a good thing. we read up on our horoscopes. aquarius kicks the shit out of your sign.
saturday was mostly made for dawdling. alice and LA randomly showed up, and once brock arrived, we watched "toys." LA went to get laylee, and after the movie, we ate a expensively scrumptious meal at india palace. laylee, you are so right about that rice. then we rented "a midsummer night's rave" which was probably the worst movie ever. i love bad movies, but is anyone going to pay me back for that thing?
today mom made morgan and i dress up like easter eggs for our easter dinner, featuring steak and candlelight. it made me want to go vegetarian. i love the bread group. then i had to go to the joni dark rehearsal to be on book and cover eileen's lines. which are all my old lines. everyone should go to see it this weekend at u of m.
scandaliz vandalistz has gotten lots of fan mail lately. we are so loved. someone from WEVL played our song for beifuss himself, and he liked it! he now has his own copy. life continues to be grand...
every cd i've bought lately is completely awesome. as far as i know.

listening to: the thermals - our trip

Monday, March 21, 2005

KATHERINE HAS BEEN HERE (BASICALLY) SINCE THURSDAY AFTERNOON WHEN I GOT BACK FROM ASHEVILLE. WE HAVE BEEN SITTING HERE (BASICALLY) THE WHOLE TIME. WE HAVE BEEN EDITING HAMLET, NO FUCKING JOKE. I'M GOING CRAZY.

Friday, March 18, 2005

got back home yesterday afternoon. then katherine came over to edit. she spent the night and we just woke up. i'm starving!

Saturday, March 12, 2005

i need your lovin like the sunshine

this week has been INSANE. i don't even know how to describe it. katherine and i have been shooting and editing hamlet all week. thank you thank you to everyone who was in it or put up with us laughing about meat puns or let us film in their grocery store.... we love you to death and we're eternally indebted. we shot the last scene on thursday night, and actually stayed home on wednesday to edit, although we only got one or two scenes done during the day. then we ran into some really horrible computer problems and so everything became a lot more difficult to finish. katherine talked to ms. wyatt, who was very sympathetic and asked us to just turn in the script for now. we're going to work madly to finish over break. mom and i are leaving tomorrow or monday (we're very unorganized) to visit warren wilson college, which i got an acceptance email from last saturday. it was very nice and totally personal. they are very nice. i need to enter their creative writing scholarship too so i need to get some things together... any suggies? (help!) i guess i will take my laptop and the Jerry harddrive with me on our trip and edit in the hotel room... katherine left for oberlin on friday morning. i hope everything is going well for her! she emailed me last night and sounded very happy. everything will be perfect, i know i know.
last night morgan finally had her star wars party with eileen, sara foot, lena, mouse, emma, bekka, and newman. great times were had by all. lots of nutso cookies were consumed. and robin's eggs. mmmm. i had my first ever cherry vanilla dr. pepper or some craziness. the original is definitely better.
i just ordered a bunch of shit from amazon. i am the awesome. everything is nuts. i should run away.

listening to: the korgis - everybody's got to learn sometime

Saturday, March 05, 2005

under the bullshit radar, i came to find you

today at school was not bad. i just read our beautiful hamlet script in every class and tried really hard to de-nervous-y myself by starting a shooting schedule, listing names of groceries, and even editing the script a little bit. i don't think my small changes will make it even as far as the set, but it was comforting to do. so after school, katherine went home to get her aprons and came back to school at 3:10. hamlet, morgan, sallis, and i piled into her car and drove directly across the street to shnuck's. we got all decked out in the parking lot and made all these preparations for like half an hour. we finally went in and decided the place is hideous. we split and ran to super-lo. we actually decided to ask if we could film there ("it's a school project!") but they have some weird legal issues with it in case one of us gets hurt...? so we went to the piggly wiggly by LA's house. we were going to go to the big star, but sallis couldn't find it. and this piggly wiggly turned out so beautifully.... it was pretty amazing. all the people there (employees and customers alike) were really sweet to us. some guys stacking potatoes even wanted to be in it. but they runnoft. unfortunately it took us a really long time to get to our perfect location, but once we were there, everything was smooth sailing. i was kind of upset that we didn't even get an entire scene shot, because morgan had to be home by 5:30 so she could get ready for eileen's birthday. it sucks that these things had to be on the same night, but ah, such is the life. she and newman left for the party, and katherine and i had dinner at young avenue deli. i'd eaten a lard cookie, so i didn't enjoy my food as much as i should have. but you know. we had a really great conversation. i guess we must've been there a long time... who can say? we got home and worked from about 8:30 to 12:30 straight. as i've said before, katherine and i work well together because we're both perfectionists and good at compromise. that's what makes everything ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT. it's pretty terrifying that it took so long to edit just three pieces of scenes, though. i'm pretty worried. but as long as we can stick to our new shooting schedule, i can maybe do some of the editing on my own while katherine toots her horn next week. we'll see. i'm still really nervous though. we're going to try and do the whole thing at that one store, which we weren't considering doing before. i hope it works out. we will give them a copy when it's done.
tomorrow's (incredibly rough) schedule:
11am -- scene 1 and 2 (newman, alanna)
12pm -- scene 6 (newman, alanna, katherine)
1pm -- scene 11 (newman, alanna, katherine)
2pm -- scene 3 (sallis, mr. dohan, morgan)
3pm -- scene 9 (newman, alanna, mr. dohan)
4pm -- scene 4 (newman, alanna, mr. dohan, morgan)
5pm -- scenes 10 and 12 (morgan)
that will all change tomorrow, i can tell you that much. but if you're on the list, could you please show up? thanks. we'll call if we're crazy behind. but hopefully we'll have a lot of time to run around and shoot all the extra stuff that's not really included on the schedule. i'm PRETTY DAMN WORRIED. the more i think about it, the worse it gets. so i guess i should set my alarm clock for 8:30 and get to bed. sigh.


listening to: kristin hersh - deep wilson

Friday, March 04, 2005

can i sleep in your shadow?

what a long night. katherine and i started writing the rest of "hamlet" over the phone at probably about 8:30. maybe 8? it is now 2:15. i am going to go to sleep without opening my backpack, i believe. what's the point anymore, anyway? obviously this english project is ruling my life. obviously 50 points for a project grade is HUGE compared to every other class i'm taking and tests and assignments. i life in their faces. ho ho ho i laugh at you! i'm going nuts. i haven't been up this late on a school night in quite a while. fuck. well hamlet is brilliant, anyway. if you want to read it, let us know. i hope it all translates well to film. it would if we had more time and better resources, but... i love bootleg, so. it's going to be awesome. if you are newman, sallis, brock, morgan, or my parents, we need you for as much time as you can spare tomorrow and saturday. PLEASE. we're buying all the food, how could you possibly say no?
lauren dunn's birthday party is saturday night. i can't wait.

listening to: nedelle - the natural night

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

wake up early and you live to regret it

just got home from the factory (i.e. just got off the phone with katherine from writing two grueling scenes of hamlet) and this little head is aching for the pillow. unfortunately i still have to finish reading Heart of Darkness and... oh, i don't know, doing god knows what. whatever it is that i do that makes it impossible for me to get to sleep on time. how does it get so late these days?

listening to: modest mouse & 764-hero - whenever you see fit

Thursday, February 24, 2005

it's safe to say

yesterday i stayed home again. i was so bored, i read the entirety of "the bell jar." i hate being so critical, but i was admittedly pretty disappointed. anyone care to discuss? please say yes before i forget the whole thing.
katherine (dohan) called and invited me to dinner with her and katherine (warren) at pho saigon. i had some lovely soup and we tried to think of things to do for the "hamlet" parody. it was going badly. we went to ck's for coffee and cloves. i somehow came up with the concept of setting the whole film in a grocery store, which katherine latched onto as genius. well i sure hope it is genius, because i'd like to do a good job with this movie. anyway, i was so proud, i ordered another coffee and a grilled cheese to fuel my brain. now we are on a roll. i'm worried, though, because katherine is leaving for st. olaf tomorrow and will be leaving for oberlin a couple days before hte project is due. so we have to finish early and i don't know. i hope we survive.
today i went back to school. i was really dreading it, having not gone to school in almost a week. but it was okay.
i've got no plans whatsoever for the weekend. oh yeah, pink floyd light show on saturday night. the last one ever in memphis, run by our own brett hanover. we've all gotta go. tomorrow is senior out to lunch. i think we're going to quizno's, then gibson's. i'm excited. although i'd rather go to young avenue deli. anyone want to venture over there with me sometime soon? say yes.
my report card is surprisingly good. isn't that hysterical? i'm about to go to baskin robbins with mom and morgan. weeooo!

listening to: sonic youth - candle

Thursday, May 27, 2004

yesterday brock came over to hang out, and then katherine over to edit. in short, the night fluctuated from me being really irritated to being really stressed to being really upset/sad/freaked out to being really calm to being really happy. katherine and i had a long, great talk in my yard until 2am, and i really really appreciate that. we then stayed up al night editting, and the first version of "much finer" is FINALLY DONE!!! pleeeease watch it and give us some feedback. we are still trying to work out some kinks, and you can help! anyway. around 7:30 brett showed up and we ate biscuits, watched the end of "party monster" and invited alice over. the four of us headed downtown for a fun-filled day at mud island. i completely soaked my skirt, so katherine wore it like a cape or a skirt for the rest of the day, and i wore her extra pants. we ate lunch in court square with the pigeons, squirrels, and wide array of insects, with a great view of brett's favorite abandoned building. he proposed that we try to get into the tower it has, so he and i decided to climb up while katherine and alice waited for brock to arrive. it was very impromptu so we really weren't prepared –– i was in sandals, we had no flashlight, we knew very little about the building. plus my fear of heights kicked in a good bit. we couldn't get into the little tower thing because the door was locked, but we were RIGHT there. it was kind of cool, but i was pretty nervous nonetheless. we did get to wave to katherine, alice, and brock from a very high window, in any case. after that we went back to my house to make some plans for our game of capture the flag against the AP Crew on sunday afternoon/evening. PLEASE come join our team! it's (probably) going to happen on main street around 2pm, but that's tentitive since the opposing team hasn't confirmed yet. but oh they will... but honestly, we have a much smaller team than we realized, so we urge you to come support us. call me for more information, and come to our team meeting on sunday morning. i'm very excited!!

listening to: hypofixx - bright yellow gun (throwing muses cover)