Tuesday, October 02, 2007

i am a werewolf

ahhh, another day.
soooo this weekend was the memphis trip, which we had been soooo looking forward to for so very long. i'm not sure if i'd call it anticlimactic.... it was definitely worth the trip. friday night was gonerfest where we (me, brandon, leroy, rachel, bonnie, ALICE, LAYLEE, etc) mostly sat in some bushes outside and drank malt liquor, i.e. SPARKS. this was the time of my downfall.... i've been sick for a while now and rather than going allll the way inside and waiting in line to blow my nose, i just used some leaves. naturally. i do this all the time. however, by the end of the night, i had little black marks on my face and arm, although i didnt notice them until saturday morning.
at any rate.... the bands were great, although, of course, Mr. Airplane Man blew everybody else out of the water. it was amazing!! brandon and i were basically the only dancers in the building, which was disappointing, but not at all shocking for the memphis hipster crowd. it's rather unfortunate how prudish we memphians can be... luckily i'm doing everything i can to break the mold. ho ho ho. after their set, i hung out with mfox and saki behind a newspaper until our eyeballs fell out. i was then dragged to the car because apparently rachel was passing out on the pavement and was really ready to go. i was still ready to run around, but apparently i was the only one. apparently i was the only one who thinks 2am is not that late. back at my house, my darling girls laylee and alice stayed with me until 4am, letting me rant and rave and rip my head off. what angels! i don't know what i would have done without them. so they left and i crawled into bed with my beautiful sister, who, a mere 3 hours later, opened her big, beautiful eyes and asked me, "why are you sad?" so of course i woke up. and you know, i cant generally go back to sleep after being awoken... so morgan and i made our rounds through the other rooms of sleeping kids and made sure we weren't alone in consciousness. perhaps we'll never be forgiven, but do you really think we'd care? ha! leroy and bonnie made a beautiful breakfast that was supposed to be hashbrowns, but ended up as mushy potatoes and veggies. it was still delicious, if you ask me. so we spent an unfortunate amount of time lounging around my house... not that i REALLY minded, but looking back, we probably should have caused some ruckus. although i got some great quality time with my kitty. we took naps in the early afternoon to combat our three/four/five-hour nights, and i helped morgan create the perfect pirate costume for a cowboys and indians ice cream social. she even had a sword! but the little hussy ran off with my bandana... grrr. i had just acquired that one, too. ah well, i suppose all things must pass. we eventually got out of that cave of a house, and wandered around cooper young for a few hours. traditional stops for records at goner, feast of eyes at house of mews, and deliciousness at young avenue deli... although since the neighborhood has been attracting more yuppies, they've raised their prices, and i don't like it one bit. the fries aren't as good these days either! it's almost not worth it but.... ohhhhh the cheesy sticks. yes yes yes. at this point we split up: the nola crew went off to fill a southaven fridge with warm beer, and the ALA girls headed downtown to create some mischief. i think i acquired about $100 worth of clothes, all soft and colorful and cottony. i'm pretty proud. then we all met back up again to go to theatreworks for Birth, a play which is trying to raise awareness about maternity care in the states. it was pretty great, and i'm so glad that we all got to go. especially the reduced prices for all seven of us! it is awesome to be in the our own voice family... theatreworks always feels like coming home.
after the play, we were supposed to hang out with lauren h, but she was nowhere to be found! sad the way that always seems to go... instead, we sat around on my kitchen floor and ate tomato soup and sunset pizza from camy's. by now it was almost 1am and the kids were starting to crash. brandon and i tried to rouse everyone for a late-night trip to peabody park, as is custom, but nobody was down. we walked alice and laylee out to the car, and by the time we made it back inside, everybody was.... indisposed. it was rather unfortunate. we convinced bonnie and leroy to give us a LITTLE shared bed time, but soon we were kicked out. it was weird to be kicked out of that whole side of the house... i don't think i've ever run across the predicament before. so brandon and i watched "return to oz" and looked up perversion on the internet. it was great times... as you can imagine.
the next morning, i woke up with a puffy, red face that mom swore was hives. leroy insisted that it was poison ivy, like whatever he had on his leg and arms. i used his zanfel medicine, but to no avail. i took some benadryl and passed out while morgan, leroy, and bonnie were cooking. everybody paraded in and out of my room like a tv show. i vaguely remember hugging rachel goodbye, morgan trying to coax me up with biscuit dough, etc. but mostly i remember my wonderful mama sitting with me, rubbing my back, and soothingly asking if i wanted to transfer colleges. it was certainly a weekend to be babied, and i gobbled it all up. unfortunately, now i'm back in new orleans, totally lonely and motherless again. i really do like to have someone taking care of me... my big memphis support group of friends is so perfect for that. even the reduced version that i had over the weekend was perfect. i can't figure out what's so different down here, but i just don't have the same sense of safety and love that i do when i'm in my hometown. i don't think new orleans is really that much scarier than memphis.... but i guess my neighborhood here is pretty bad. and my friends down here are all fucking nuts. i just want cuddles and hugs and someone that knows when i'm hurt and what the fuck i'm talking about. i need more women in my life. i need cat energy. i need a pile of pillows to pet on. i need tea parties and bubble baths and girls nights. this is a situation that i'm going to start working on asap. yeesh.

so my face is still all puffy and horrible. i went to the doctor before i realized that it was probably the nose-blowing leaves that did it... geeehhh. i have been taking medicine as if it was a bacterial infection, but i think i'll go back to the doctor on thursday to get checked out again. i've been sick for way too long!!! this is getting old!!! i need to be surrounded by less smoke, that will probably help my throat. geez.
tonight hilary is supposed to come over for a hair night with me and py! it should be great. as long as i can still manage to wake up for my 8:30 class, it's all good. we have pink and purple dye, and no regard for humanity dignity!
now i should go read "demian" for my short fiction class. i'm enjoying it so far and i can only expect that it will get better! plus there's a quiz tomorrow.. yipe.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

i promise.

you do not want to know about all the sex that i did not want to know about.


christ.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Thursday, September 27, 2007

anger makes me a modern girl

i just went to the OR for lunch and got kicked out for being barefoot. "health hazard" my ass! it's more likely that i would get gangrene from their floor than that i would give them herpes or something..... well maybe that's what they meant.
either way, i'm annoyed. but i made py buy my food. hahaaa!
last night at 4am i was sinking fast... just a veritable puddle of tears. and i was writing in this little notebook that i'm supposed to have filled up by 3:30 for class today, and i just said to myself, you know what? fuck this. no more crying about this shit. and i stopped! it was kind of amazing. so i went to bed angry and enlightened instead of sad and weepy. good news, maybe.
i might post some of my little thoughts from that notebook. it's debatable.
is anyone reading this?
i've gotta go finish reading "death of a salesman." wish me luck on the quiz!

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

the way of it

every night i go to bed with nothing to wake up for.

it gets old.




why do you guilt trip me when i make you depressed because i'm depressed? it sucks.

Monday, September 24, 2007

boys don't ever have this much fun

i hate the law.
after dinner at the OR tonight, i walked up to my car in the loyola parking garage, in the rain, to discover that i had been BOOTED. granted, this is sort of my own fault, because i dont have a parking permit yet.... but i mean, cmon! it's still pretty early in the year, right? so i had to pay $95 to get them to take it off. it was exceedingly lame.
so, i finally got on the road. i had to stop at rite aid on the way home to pick up some medicine. i walked in totally normal and didnt even notice that some lady's "HEY! PINKIE!" was directed at me! pinkie! what??? is that a racial reference, or could she perhaps have been referring to my dress... i don't know. so i'm standing in line at the pharmacy pick-up and she appears and tells me that i have to leave. why, you ask? because i am barefoot.
"you need to leave and get some shoes."
"i don't have any shoes."
"you need to leave and get some shoes."
"well this will just take one second."
"you need to leave and get some shoes."
"but i'm sick! i need medicine!"
"you need to leave and get some shoes."
i should have kicked a bitch. but instead i just rolled my eyes and left. and now i have no medicine.
here's the point: these days i have been attempting to find happiness wherever i can... it's a rare thing, so i do my damnedest to continue doing the few things i can to maintain a little glow in my day. lately (basically all summer and continuing to the present) i have tried to go barefoot as much as possible. every day i go to school with no shoes.... i've gotten scolded a couple of times at the cafeteria, but basically i ignore it. brandon just keeps telling me that i'm being dumb by not wearing shoes because i'm going to fuck up my feet and i'm automatically shortening the list of places i'm allowed to go. and i understand that it's a liability and a health issue...... but really, i don't give a fuck. you should feel my callouses!!! they are quite impressive. and it's one of the only things that brightens my day. so i'm sorry, world, but i hate you. deal with my fucking bare feet and leave me alone! one day you'll wonder where i went to. and it will be too late.
so leroy just came home with a big bundle of delicious stolen food. yes! all the soy milk in the world will soon be in my belly! bwahahahaha you just wait.

everything that's breathing is also busying dying

so i was intending to post once i had some pictures and/or video to include with the text.... but yeah, it's not happening and you'll just have to wait.
what can i say? school's been back in session for a few weeks now... it's actually going okay. this is largely due to the fact that i changed my major back to english lit on the second day of classes. ha! take that, science, i could not stomach thee. my schedule looks like this:
MWF 10:30-11:20 Honors Biblical Literature
MWF 11:30-12:20 Modern Short Fiction
MWF 1:30-??? working at the library
W 8:30-10:10am Video Writing and Directing
TR 2-3:15 World Theatre II
TR 3:30-4:45 Intro to Creative Writing
and i generally work on tuesday and thursday morning as well. i got a raise! $7/hr baybee oh yeahhhhh. freaking rolling in it!!
and where does the money go, you ask?
well, this past week most of it went to drugs. i have been sick with bronchitis and it is awful. rite aid has my paycheck. other than that.. we buy a few groceries (the ones we don't glean in other ways), some toilet paper, and a good bit of beer. at least two people are drunk in the house every day. are we wasting away? perhaps. are we loving it? sometimes. are we considering another path? not really. so far everything is going as well as it could, i suppose.
realize i say this about a home that is haunted, filled with drama, and loaded with tension i could eat with a whole loaf of bread. it is ridiculous. on saturday, py confronted mal in the only way he knows how:
"so when are you moving out?"
yikes. he doesnt know her like the rest of us... yes, she has made a lot of promises she hasnt kept. she says this time is different. and yes, she's said that a thousand times before. but now she's got AA meetings every night and drug testing once a week starting in october. i just hate that we didnt have a real house meeting, and come to a decision TOGETHER rather than just sort of poking around and being rude and giving the poor girl a week to move out.... but the drugs, the monetary choices, the disappearances of stuff within our own home.. these things never stopped, even when we saw her improving. so i dont know, this is what it's come to. i can't say i'm thrilled but honestly i dont know what to say at all.
i dont even want to get into the sex drama. all i can say is that it's no fun to be sitting there bored when you are pretty positive that whoever is having sex in the room next door. especially when you have been looking forward to seeing this person for months and then they just come over to fuck your roommate, apparently. am i wrong here, or does that suck a little? either way, i recognize that this is my jealous, possessive side coming out... and oh, how it comes out. it chooses the worst ways, at the worst times, sneaking up on me when i'm drunk and too angry to put my courtesy filter on. well, fucking woops. i dont regret a whole lot of things.... i guess it sort of sucks that i stood in the middle hall room in the middle of our house and yelled about how i hate plastic, jesus, electricity, the whole modern world, the whole house and everyone in it. but i was depressed and it was all true. what can i say? it's weird to apologize for things that are still true, even if the timing and the delivery were inappropriate. not that i REALLY hate everyone in the whole house... although i definitely felt like it at the time. and that was what was important. i dont like containing anger. but like i said, i dont want to get into the rest of the house drama. there's so much and it probably shouldnt all go on the internet anyway. i'll try to keep you vaguely updated anyhow....
so leroy is taking mallory's room. he and his boondock will be staying with us until at least january, which will be fun because maybe everyone will stop accusing ME of being the craziest person in the house, and also just because i love leroy. i am looking forward to lots of free meals, free drinks, and goofy adventurings. however, leaving with mallory are her weezy dog and lucie cat and the rest of the female energy of the house. i will be a lone she-wolf. loucifur will luckily provide me with some fellow cat spirits, but even then, he's a little bastard. as was determined the other day... if lou were 6 feet tall, he would rule the whole freaking world. maybe i'm wrong but i dont think i could say that about most cats. perhaps because lou would be a tyrant and a master of surprise attacks from overhead. the point is: i'm thinking again about getting a kitten. i know i know i can't help it. but is it a good idea? i can't tell. i want a lady kitty friend, at any rate. and i haven't found any elsewhere yet.
however, i have made a few new friends so far this year. wonders! new friends make me happier than almost anything. i dont want to speak too soon so i'll give some better details later.
today has been rainy. i left home right after brandon got back from BR, a city i have been trying to avoid at all possible costs (but i end up going for the good shows). drove to school as i've been doing.. it's sort of nice although i end up bumping a lot of parked cars. shhhh! py constantly teases me about my driving skills, which i suppose are somewhat stuck in the mud, rather than improving... but speaking of BR, i drove from there to NOLA for the first time last weekend! and i didnt fuck up at all (although py would tell you differently, dont listen to him because he was wasted and doesnt remember anything) and we made it down in one safe piece. i was a kickass designated driver for my little drunken men.
point: it's not raining anymore. i was slightly late for bible class, despite my timely driving. i always goof around in the bathroom and forget that class is starting. woops! i thought i was going to really hate that class, but it's turned out to be freaking awesome. my professor basically tells us that everything we learned in sunday school is a load of bull and we talk about the real origins and meanings of old testament stories. he's hilarious and i especially love it when he talks about how stupid fundamentalists are. it is awesome. then i went to modern short fiction where i get to sit next to my friend david who makes me giggle all day. today we were discussing colette's "gigi" and about the sexuality of foods like asparagus and lobster. it was pointless but i took more notes in class today than i have all semester. usually i just write "FREUD" because that is all that our teacher talks about and it sucks so usually i read or write something else. being in a writing class has been really fun, just to get into the habit of writing again. plus my professor is awesome. so yeah, basically i've got a good bunch of classes this semester... i might go so far as to say this has been the best semester i've had yet! but perhaps i shouldn't speak so soon... midterms are coming up, after all. yipe.
but i don't care because i'm going to memphis this weekend!! look out, i'm coming home and i'm bringing my nutty friends with me! we are coming up on friday to see Mr. Airplane Man at gonerfest and i'm so freaking excited. we have seen a lot of great shows recently, it has been really awesome. last weekend we saw Witch Hunt at a house show in BR. brandon got their record, and i got a patch and a book about new orleans. even though i damaged my right ankle somewhat early in the evening, i still managed to dance on one foot and have a kickass time. and that ankle is all better now, although apparently this weekend i destroyed my left big toe and surrounding area.... doing god knows what. i just woke up with it all mangled. i'm hoping that it will just figure itself out and heal somewhat like the rest of my feet wounds always do. i have been realizing how freaking weird my feet look because of all the times i've fucked them up and just sort of let them figure out how to let me walk on them again. oh well.
i keep getting off track. the real point to all this is that py and i have been volunteering for the past couple weekends at the green project, where they've started doing a matinee show every saturday. this past weekend, we cooked the 'free vegan food' which they advertise for every show, and we got lots of compliments. py's soupy shitasaurus was a smashing success, of course. that stuff is delicious! vegan slop is really growing on me. mmmmmmm... py got free goodies from the band because his food was so good! lucky bastard. we danced our asses off and had a great time, despite the lackluster crowd.... hilary, py, and i made up for it with our energy and enthusiasm. the bands were all amazing! i havent been to such an all around good show in a really long time. first, an acoustic band called the Let Down played while we sat at their feet. the two ladies had beautiful voices and played guitar, although one also sometimes played a musical saw. a boy with funny hair also played guitar. their songs were about being alcoholic and in love and they were wonderful. then, Fake Problems went on a few minutes later. leroy and i had just finished pre-gaming outside and as we were walking in during the second song, i said to him "i hope EVERYBODY's DANCING!" and of course no one was. so py and i took that shit up a notch. or four. they sang country folk punk rock songs about capitalism. it was also awesome, and they gave py a free 7inch. then Parsley Flakes played. they wore silly clothes and sang songs about "zapatistas and white people," among other things. we danced like fools! then their amp started smoking 2 songs before the end of the set. it was intense.. but also hilarious and ridiculous. it was an amazing show and an amazing weekend... except for all the drama, of course, but i suppose that sometimes it can't be helped, and so it must be ignored. i'm getting better at this.
i forget if there were other things i meant to say, but if there were, i should save them for another day. this has gotten rather long, and i congratulate you if you made it this far. perhaps i will see you again soon.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

updates

--i got my motherfucking driver license two weeks ago.
--i am single for the first time since 2004. so far, i feel surprisingly good.
--on thursday, i am moving into my first apartment, on jackson avenue in new orleans. i will be living with brandon, mallory, and py. (obviously, this is an arrangement of lunacy.... i suppose it's a long story, not meant for tonight.)
--i am a liar, a coward, and a thief. and many other things.
--i need more confidence.
--i start school in slightly less than a week and i'm scared as hell.
--as excited as i am about living in new orleans, i'm sort of terrified to go back. the place is a black hole.
--i work minimum wage. however, my parents still pay for stuff like school, insurance, etc. they are awesome.
--i have not paid for a haircut since december 2005, and it is amazing. some weeks i feel like getting it cut every day, and i talk somebody into doing it! the stuff's also sort of run together with three or four different colors, i'd say.
--i love cats and cat folk... but i'm pretty friendly to dogs as well.
--in general, i hate most and love few. wow, though, those ones are so great. it is astounding.
-katherine and i have spent the summer working on a film, which is finally coming into true fruition. so many amazing people have donated their time and talents, we are so lucky to know them all.
--trying to be two places at once is impossible, but missing one causes so much strife and disrupts all the balance. does this make any sense? katherine gets it.
--i want to make music in a shanty chant.
--tomorrow i have an appointment with a man who is going to up the dosage of my antidepressants. how strange to ask for something that i don't even want.
--"happiness is the most insidious prison of all." i think i believe that statement. (a quote from v for vendetta)
--cancer is terrifying. sickness is everywhere.
--death still seems like the best option most times.
--blogging is extremely hard these days. sometimes i start posts and never finish them... but i feel like communicating with the vast expanses. despite all the past run-ins i've had with its hidden dangers.... even the most recent one. but! i feel like dealing big right now. take it!
--this is the beginning of a new time.

listening to: garbage - wicked ways

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

look up: a clear blue sky

so last week i missed a bunch of class because i was angry at the world. on saturday i actually got really sick with a bad cold or the flu or some other terrible thing and it's not getting any better. i've been freaking out at the amount of work i have to do and i really can't miss more class... i barely slept last night and eventually crawled out of bed at 8am. i emailed my history teacher and told her how terrible i feel and that if i take the mid-term today, i will surely fail. but still, i was pretty sure that i would have to go anyway. just now, feeling doomed, i got this email:
" Stay in bed.
Get in touch with me when you are feeling better."

hoorah hoorah! now i just have to write a paper and maybe drag myself in to work (i am so poor) and the day will be done.


what a life what a life i live. it's getting pretty old. i'm so sick of school. and sick. and miserable. arghhhh. wish me your best.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

happy list returns!!!

-when something you've assumed is artificial turns out to be real
-drunk haircuts with rachel
-atcha bakery
-mud
-pesto
-the art party
-leroy is making me a spinach sandwich
-spanwiches
-spinietzche
-awesome readings for sociology class
-trading clothes
-bare feet
-sharing
-cat hat from brittany
-looking/feeling like a cartoon
-wine from the bottle
-so much music i can't say

listening to: rakiim some kind of rap "mricophone fiend"

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

hmm

i just switched over to the new version of blogger. because blogger wouldn't let me login if i didn't do it... it seems pretty cool so far. the only reason i hadn't done it yet was because it switches over not only my account, but my team blogs as well, so i had to remove myself from the art party blog to do this... and now i can't get back on. really sucks. this is life, i guess. everything continues to suck and nothing works the way it should.
so yeah, i'm not too happy about the general state of things right now. every night i go to bed hoping that i won't wake up, and by the time i wake up, i've forgotten that and just do the whole deal all over again. it's really lame. i kind of hate that hope always comes back. it would be easier if it just went away and stayed there.
i am at work. there's not much work to be done here in the library right now... i have lots of things i should be doing for school, but none of my important reading is with me. i should probably go, either way.
it's weird to be blogging. maybe i'll keep it up a little.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

i'm going to try reviving this blog... here goes!

well maybe not right at this exact second. i have two papers due before the end of the week, which means i'll be writing at least 15 pages and doing loads of research. wish me luck.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Political Compass assignment

I think I can safely say that I know myself.  I know about my beliefs and opinions, so I thought the Political Compass exercise would be unsurprising, although I was still interested to take the test and see the results.  It’s interesting to be forced to take a stand on an issue, since “no opinion” or “not sure” is not an option; there is no safety net in between “agree” and “disagree.”  Certain questions held me for much longer than others as I struggled to define in one bubble answer how I feel about some rather complex subjects.  For example, should pornography, depicting consenting adults, be legal for the adult population?  While I truly despise pornography, its cheapening of sex, and its enforcement of stereotypes, I still think it should be legal.  Why?  The sex industry is an industry just the same, with workers and clients, a supply and demand.  And who knows, perhaps someone will make a brilliant porn film soon enough. In fact, I’m counting on it.

So, I came to the end of the survey, mostly feeling that my answers were accurate, and was quite surprised to see myself placed where I was on the graph. Nearly falling off! I had guessed that I’d be in this quadrant, but not so far toward the left and certainly not so close to the libertarian/anarchism line at the bottom of the graph.  Looking back over my printed survey answers, I wondered if perhaps I ended up at coordinates (-8.5, -7.64) because I had used the “strongly” agrees and disagrees so many times.  I filled out the survey again, without using any of the adjective answers, and I moved a little farther right and just above the middle between the libertarian and social medians.  Perhaps this was a more fitting place for my small red circle of ideologies.  However, while I was taking the survey a second time, the whole time I was thinking, “But I strongly disagree, really!”  I’m glad to be reminded how passionately I feel about many of these issues, although before now I’ve never really thought that strong feelings equaled the degree to which someone is liberal or conservative.

This survey was particularly interesting because although it is a questionnaire to help visualize a person’s political beliefs, it also asks about the survey-taker’s opinion on astrology, luck, and the justification of abstract art.  One proposition states “The enemy of my enemy is my friend,” which is not an overtly political statement and does not concern any one issue, but at the same time, it says a lot about the way a person thinks, which in turn influences his or her politõical ideologies. While certainly not a perfect survey, the Political Compass was still a good sampling of important issues and beliefs to help determine the political whereabouts of a person.

I got my Republican, Bush-voting boyfriend to take this test and he turned out to be in the left economically as well as liberal socially, which was probably more of a surprise for him than it was for me.  He wasn’t quite sure that this is where he really fits, but he said, “I guess if you have strong opinions, you’ve gotta be something.”  I’m not really sure exactly what that something is, for him as well as myself.  I can see where the coordinates put me, but whether I can be defined as a Democrat or an Anarchist, I can’t say.  As convenient as labels can sometimes be, I plan to keep trying life without such a specific one for now.  I want to know myself even better and try to always act in accordance with my beliefs.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

"Alanna, your soul is so beautiful." -- katherine

Sunday, April 30, 2006

notes on the way home from houston

just imagining all the words i could hold
peach speach
to grow + grow
soft + pitted
made of fruit substance
built for purpose
composed of matter

the light of oil
destructing beautifully
goodbye to clean sky

light in dark
the lamps that spark
against clean night
replace the stars
we've all forgotten

but grass grows
in abandoned parking lots
and on the
crumbling rooves of ancient buildings

cellos sound with the
speed of the sun
rumbling over, all eyes
pricked to function
repeat, circle

<- -="" come="" together="">
bring meaning
matter
host of thoughts
brain ball
repeat
circle

there stays a springing
grass grows again
trees crack into sidewalk
the unstoppable
and i want to live in a bright bungalow
with a moss-covered roof
and open windows
if i can just stop pulling out my hair
if i can get over all these hurdles
circumstance willing, i can get there

trash piling up around our towns
are we drowning yet?
supply + demand
waste + discard
REPLACE
REPEAT
CIRCLE

plastic covered and metal sheathed
land flattened and set in concrete
wood wasted
the mediums of structure
the bonds of matter
are all things that matter
REPEAT
CIRCLE

this is a call to arms
with able hands
and heads full of bodies
every person is
a whole person

in perspective
things look smaller
when farther away
and the blood of others
flows free and separate
distant from our own
through silent strings
run from each spider
soul

Saturday, December 31, 2005

With my hair short, I feel more feminine. I'm wearing earrings, and I feel attractive and womanly. Like Janelle said, I can appreciate my lumpy bits, the padded places of a woman. I want one of those pins that says "start a revolution, love your body." I don't want to feel fucked up because of advertising and discontentment anymore. Truly. I don't have any reason to be afraid of the mirror. I am beautiful. ...
Shower Realizations
I love my life, I love my friends, and I love my body. I'm happy with who I am, what I've done, and where I've been, but not satisfied, which also makes me happy. I love that there is always room for change and evolution. I can't wait to be more.

New Year Goals
-Use the computer less, especially because I usually just sit there mindlessly refreshing the same pages.
-Write more (this will hurt)
-Be active - the community needs me!
-Recognize responsibilities. Gauge importance. Act!
-Eat better. I have a bad diet, but the worst part is that I'm supporting evil companies doing it.
-Research. Find out where the problems are.
-Read the news every day. Listen to more NPR.
-Think!
-Don't get wrapped up in substances. Find substance.
-Share music and be musical.
-Make friends. Try.
-Speak in class. Speak up.
-Improve my posture.
-Learn to drive, and get my license. I've had this same goal for the past 3 years. God damn.

Friday, December 23, 2005

TRASH TRASH TRASH

1. Shh! Ass Tart Art
be quiet!

people be quiet!



is this a painting?

we don't understand it

a mess of color!

let's burn and ban it!



shh! ass tart art! shh! ass tart art!

got no meaning! got no heart!

shh! ass tart art! shh! ass tart art!

burn it down! tear it apart!



be quiet! people, be quiet!

more cohesion!

you oughta try it!



shh! etc . . .

2. Trash Trash Trash
trash trash trash

you'll never take us out

trash trash trash

we'll never shut our mouths



we got the beats

make the streets stink

we got the speak

make your brains think



parents claim we're dangerous

townie cops are scared of us

but the revolution's in your bedroom

smoking pot, watching cartoons



trash trash trash

you'll never take us out

trash trash trash

3. Tha Hat Rash
tha hat rash has taken over

people, look up! your heads are covered!



everyone you know is a victim!

we're all infected with cranium fashion!



tha hat rash has taken over

people look up! your heads are covered



tha hat rash or tha brain fever?

never leave the house unless you're covered!

wear a special cap while you're in the shower

fall asleep in your fedora

we're all infected with cranium fashion

everyone you know is a victim!



tha hat rash has taken over!

people, look up! you're heads are covered.

4. Trasht Haarrt
sick and tired of the girl and boy thing

never stick around to hear the birds sing

muscle's broken! romance is a beesting.



trasht hart! trasht hart!

i'd trade a god a finger for a second start!

i got a trasht hart! trasht hart!

drop some arteries in a shopping cart!



love no object that's alive and breathing

lie all day and they all believe me

sick and tired of the girl and boy thing

never stick around to hear the birds sing

muscle's broken! romance is a besting



trasht hart! trasht hart!

i'd trade a god a finger for a second start!

i got a trasht hart! trasht hart!

drop some arteries in a shopping cart!

5. Shtar Hast Arsht
shtar!

sthar hast!

shtar hast arsht!

wienerschnizel! wienershnizel! ya! ya! ya! ya!



we love the ways of german people!

berlin, lager, and wienershnizel!

but we don't like walls and we don't kill people!



shtar!

shtar hast!

shtar hast arsht!

wienershnizel! wienershnizel! ya! ya! ya! ya!



liederhosen! knickerbockers!

we hate nazis, but we drink lager!

6. Stratarats
stratarats came from outerspace

shot up town, put us in our place



time to crawl in cracks and walls

get by on trash and alcohol



our lives were changed by stratarats

now there's no need for beaurocrats

we just eat and fuck and run from cats



time to crawl in cracks and walls

get by on trash on alcohol

don't mind being dumb and small

if we don't need jobs at the mall



stratarats came from outerspace

shot up town, put us in our place

now there's no need for beaurocrats

we just eat and fuck and run from cats

and we owe it all to stratarats

7. Art Hrs
stay up late making art for hrs!

coffee and speed! forget to shower!

hallucinate on your own brain power!



surrealist still life charcoal mess

we're too tired for making sense

proffesors think that we regressed

but we think too much for making sense



who needs acid? make art for hrs!

coffee and speed! forget to shower!

hallucinate on your own brain power



restriction is a fiction they will try to sell you

don't buy it! boycott it!

8. SARS Shaht
don't forget to get your sars shaht

chinese disease gonna make your lungs stop



severe acute respiratory syndrome

gonna eat your babies

gonna make your wife moan



don't for get your chinese sars shaht

chinese disease gonna make your lungs stop

9. Rasta Rats
10. Has Tha Ass
11. R Rats Trash Hats?!
12. Hash Stash
13. Tha Stars R Ars