i could not embrace the day

THE THERMALS ARE COMING TO MEMPHIS!!!
perfect timing, it's only a few days after i get out of school. a great way to start the summer! this summer will be very busy, of course, again. i will be shooting/editing concrete (yes, still), attending the radical queer convergence in chicago, and there's some talk of SV going on tour, but i dont know if that's still happening. i have been looking at the idapalooza website and getting lovesick for it, but i might be too busy to go... i will have to wait and see what the lineup is, because what if it is too good to miss? then again, there is SO much to do, especially with the movie.... and we really need to get as much done this summer as we can. or else, we will never finish.

this week was one of those ones where you are never sure what day it is, even when the day is half-over. i kept getting confused about which classes i had next, and i would be walking somewhere and not remembering where i was going. maybe i can blame these feelings on the very large bump i took to the head on saturday night, but i don't really feel like placing blame there, it is bad enough already.
it was one of those weeks where each night, you go to bed miserable, realizing you will only get three to five hours of sleep, knowing you will never catch up, and wondering where you went wrong. everything is in a hazy daze and it's all that you can do to even realize that you are tired, because you're just so busy. there is always somewhere to be, something to read or write, something else to be thinking about next. on wednesday someone gave me the advice to "slow down and take some time for yourself" to which i responded "I WILL IF I HAVE TIME!" i usually try to chill out for a little while after dinner but then i end up getting mad at myself for not working, and not finishing what i have to do.
this was one of those weeks where you don't finish any of the things you are supposed to be doing, despite all the planning and time-budgeting and trying to do everything right... nothing goes right. when you finally try to talk to people, thinking you have time for meaningful conversation, you give out bad advice. the conversation you've been needing to have for weeks spirals out of control, leaving you depressed, frustrated, and ultimately too tired to do your homework. i had a take-home exam due on monday that i didn't turn in until wednesday... my professor was so nice, he didn't take off any points for it being late, which is so amazingly lucky. i hope i did a good job on it so that he doesnt feel like it was undeserved. then i had a paper due on friday which i really didn't mean to put off until the night before, but somehow that happened, and i thought it would be easy to do, but everything got away from me, and i ended up writing a really stupid email to my professor at 4:30 in the morning explaining why i couldn't turn the paper in that day. no good reasons, of course.
it was a week for fighting and making up. for unsteadiness and unsureness how to ask for help. for sickness and possible roads to recovery. for conversations left incomplete, and the fear of pressing forward. was i ever able to communicate? it doesn't seem that way. maybe part of the problem is that all these things are going on, leaving me unable to really process what i'm thinking, so when i try to talk, my thoughts are jumbled and i don't know how to get where i need to go. does this change? am i stuck this way forever?
i think i'm gonna clean my room. this seems like a step in the right direction. or maybe i will take a nap.

listening to: hope for agoldensummer - midwest

show on friday may 6!

SCANDALIZ VANDALISTZ and LIGHTAJO live at the Full Moon Club (upstairs of Zinnie's East at 1718 Madison Ave)
visit our myspace pages to hear what we sound like:
Scandaliz Vandalistz
Lightajo
Doors open at 8
Music at 8:30
Support Memphis music!!

it brought peace to my mind in the summertime

yesterday was completely awesome!!!!!!!! WEVL went really well. i just listened to the tape my parents made, and we sounded really good. i'm pretty irritating when i speak, but whatever. we kept giggling like the wholesome kiddies we are. i think a lot of people heard it, though. (did you? please let us know! we grow curiouser and curiouser.) the people were so sweet, and took pictures for us. they're going to send as a CD copy of the show too, which i may be able to turn into mp3s. rawk.

Scandaliz Vandalistz and Rebecca at WEVL
Originally uploaded by elevatorlady.

after that, we wandered around South Main and ate at a sports bar called The Green Beetle. ahhaha.
we got to Jay Etkin Gallery around 6:15 to set up and watch people arrive. we made silly artwork, listened to the drum circle, and greeted guests. we played at 8:30 and our set lasted longer than we expected! impressive. the crowd was really receptive and awesome. (by the way, if anyone has comments about the set or pictures to share, please email them to scandalizvandalistz@gmail.com.) the whole fundraiser was awesome and we raised over $1,000. i'm really proud of SV for being so great and OOV for getting so many people downtown. thanks so much, everyone who came. and special thanks to those of you who bought the silly art in the auction... you're awesome. the other two bands who played were equally great. Lightajo, zak's new band, asked us to play another show with them sometime, and Cale LeFevre played some really beautiful songs. again... thanks thanks thanks. you're all great

listening to: jane's addiction - summertime rolls

like a dog whistle

okay, listen up. i know we've been plugging it all week (longer?) but now you have to listen for real!
without cancelling all your plans for the day, you need to find a way to 1) find a radio at 4:30 and 2) find yourself downtown at 8:30.
Scandaliz Vandalistz will be playing LIVE on WEVL 89.9 today some time around 4:30, on the Pajama Party show, so please tune in to hear a couple songs and a little interview. After that, you've got a few hours (doors open at 7) to get ready, scrounge up some dollars, and somehow get downtown where you will find a parking space and head for 409 South Main St. There, you will pay the malleable admission fee (aim for $10) and enter the wonderful world of free food, improv games, art activities, and live music provided by Lightajo, Cale LeFevre, and your favorite lovably crappy band, SV. You will have a good time. You will be glad you came. You will be supporting Memphis artists and you will feel good about yourself. Just think: because of your attendance at one show, Our Own Voice Theatre Troupe will be closer to their goal of being able to attend a Mindfreedom conference in Washington, D.C. that is going to cost lots and lots of money for the travel expenses of a whole group of people. They're not aiming to make a profit, and they deserve to be given the contents of your pockets.

listening to: scandaliz vandalistz - long dog
(yes, it's a new song. now don't you want to hear it? better turn out tonight, bitches!)

no snow, no rain -- how do you expect to keep this place clean?

i shouldn't be online anymore. but i'm still giddy and wahahaha. scandaliz vandalistz are doing so well! i'm very proud of our write-up in the paper, our upcoming gigs, and even all our myspace friends. truly, this is a great time for SV.
and also a great time for Do You Know Where Your Children Are? Productions, if i do say so myself. we're still working on coming up with a big ole dvd and are hoping to have the hamlet premiere this weekend or next weekend... whatever ends up happening when we talk to mr. foxy. katherine and i had been planning to do a little more editing before we opened the gates of hamlet to the world, but what with our stunning ratings with the screen audience (plus the fact that brandon has watched the thing three times within the past 24 hours) i think it's safe to go ahead with this version. maybe fix up the bloopers and whatnot. but you get the idea.
anyway i'm very proud of my little hatchlings. and oh, how i hate physics homework. especially when it's late and i already took the test on the material today. apowighepoawhgopawhe

listening to: 50 foot wave - golden ocean

alone, i emplore ya

today i got my rejection letter from oberlin. YES!!!!!!!!
not really. but it's a little refreshing to get a rejection letter. mostly because it's from somewhere i didn't really have the money for (or the energy for) in the first place. it just helps me out. i actually remember worrying, months ago, what would happen if i got in there. how could i refuse the honor? well thank god there's no honor. but more importantly, i'm really sad that katherine didn't get accepted to the conservatory. although she did get into the regular college, the music part is the harder part. she probably doesn't want me announcing it on my blog, but nobody reads this anyway. and sometimes it's sort of easier to say it in these kinds of ways rather than having to say it yourself. i hope she still goes to oberlin, because it is perfect for her.
in other news, i'm trying to write some lyrics for a new scandaliz vandalistz song. well technically i'm trying to write some lyrics to match an old tune katherine wrote, but i don't know if it's going to work out. i chose a weird, silly day to do it so i'm getting a weird, silly song. not that SV isn't that, but it's not really going in the direction i hoped.
BUT! i made my first gig booking as the scandaliz vandalistz manager. not a really big deal, but i did it up. everybody better come see us at the our own voice fundraiser on april 9! more details later.
everyone be sure to come to the pro bono battle of the bands meeting tomorrow. if not enough people show up, we can't get organized, and if we can't get organized, then we aren't going to get to have one this year... and you know you wanna see SV do it up on stage in our final year. come on, pro boners!

listening to: pj harvey - i think i'm a mother

our slate is clean, say what you mean

thursday was sara's party. it was very good fun. i danced a lot and stayed up too late, but did not get kissed.
friday, dad picked us up and dropped me off at LA's house where we separated into two cars and scuttled our way to helena, arkansas. good times were had by all. i hope.
that night was the hamlet preview. people laughed, which is a good thing. we read up on our horoscopes. aquarius kicks the shit out of your sign.
saturday was mostly made for dawdling. alice and LA randomly showed up, and once brock arrived, we watched "toys." LA went to get laylee, and after the movie, we ate a expensively scrumptious meal at india palace. laylee, you are so right about that rice. then we rented "a midsummer night's rave" which was probably the worst movie ever. i love bad movies, but is anyone going to pay me back for that thing?
today mom made morgan and i dress up like easter eggs for our easter dinner, featuring steak and candlelight. it made me want to go vegetarian. i love the bread group. then i had to go to the joni dark rehearsal to be on book and cover eileen's lines. which are all my old lines. everyone should go to see it this weekend at u of m.
scandaliz vandalistz has gotten lots of fan mail lately. we are so loved. someone from WEVL played our song for beifuss himself, and he liked it! he now has his own copy. life continues to be grand...
every cd i've bought lately is completely awesome. as far as i know.

listening to: the thermals - our trip

i am good enough for someone

i was late to the yuletide extravaganza because i'm a mess, and i didn't find a real ride. so i bummed with mouse and morgan to the paradiso where they were seeing a movie and then walked to alice's house. i missed the entire concert part. i did get a couple bagel bites during the after party though. katherine drove me home. we blasted "killing in the name of" and looked hot and punk-ass in our formal wear. then we watched ashlee simpson music videos. what is life?
i figured i would post the rodent carols just for old time's sake. and by that, i mean i want to come back and laugh at them in a year.

to the tune of The Christmas Song, aka Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire
Hamsters singing in a rodent choir
I didn't know your mother sews
Yet on each paw, there's a glove made of straw
Cold hamsters... we are

Hamsters stacking up the Yule-logs higher
Or else we will soon be froze
The sticks are a-burnin', but soon we will be learnin'
Not to stand too close to a fire.

Hamsters toasting at an open fire
We feel danger coming close
Move out of the way or a price we will pay
AAAGHHHHHHH, oh no.

Hamsters roasting on a funeral pyre
We are feeling rather poached
Flames lick my fur as I turn to ember
I'm a goner....
I'm toast.


to the tune of O Little Town of Bethlehem
O little mouse of Bethlehem
Tempted by the brie
Satan's wish did lure you in
Under the Christmas tree

As you were getting closer,
You saw the darker side
You thought you ordered a soul mate
You got a mail order bride

O little mouse of Bethlehem
O so sadly decieved
The Christmas spirit is gone away
No longer in pine leaves

But before you turn to druid
You must look closer now
I see a sticky fluid
Flowing from evergreen boughs

O Hallelujah, Hallelujah
This tree is for real!
It's not plastic or operatic
It's not a Wal-Mart deal

Drawn by tree of knowledge
O you can have it all!
It smelled good from over here
But that was Eve's downfall

O little mouse of Bethlehem
You finally found the source
The cheese is now within your grasp
A fitting final course

THE TRAP IS SLOWING CLOSING
ENCROACHING ON YOUR TAIL
WHILE OTHER JUDGES MIGHT BE KIND
THIS TRIP WON'T ACCEPT BAIL
*SNAP!*

listening to: throwing muses - solar dip

i'm in the fire

school's finally out but nothing feels different. at least not yet. we took our last exams today, then alice, brock, and i went to starbucks where i had my millionth chai. brock went home feeling sick, i came home to sink into a sleep. however katherine called and saved me. we talked on the phone before she came over and we just hung out a while. seeing her is so great, and i am so lucky to have such a great friend. then we went to dinner with my family at bosco's. having katherine there was a nice addition to the conversation. we're a silly family at restaurants, i guess. my mom told ridiculous baby stories and got loud and hysterical. i love it. and i love creme brulee. we came home, and katherine and i wrote some silly rodent-themed parodies of christmas songs which will be performed tomorrow at the yuletide extravaganza at alice's house at 2pm. be there babies.

listening to: pj harvey - snake

aaaaaaaand we're back!

the trip was the same trip we always have. i enjoyed myself to the best of my ability, spent time with the grandparents, and got horrible trapped in dante's inferno. which i hate. *shudder*
i'm supposed to be rendezvousing with brandon right now, but i don't think he's gonna show up. oh well.
instead, i am messing with the scandaliz vandalistz myspace profile, which you should all visit and add to your friends list. also i'm messing with this flickr thing, as you can tell by the picture to your right. become a member to see my friends only photos mwahhahaaa.
i feel like such a geek. oh well.

scandaliz vandalists songs finally available for your listening pleasure.. just click here in your own leisure time, and enjoy.
i've really been wanting to blog lately, and it really hasn't been working out. we'll see. right now i'm trying to write english essays, so i'm going to try that. it's not going too well. is it ever? school sucks ass.

listening to: the decemberists - the tain

hope all of you will be at battle of the bands. wooooo.

happy earth day, everyone.

i am irritated because last night's post had more written on it at some point, about my day and all. i swear to god. grrrrr.
aside from fucking up three tests, today was chaotic because last night billy backed out of drumming for the battle of the bands, and we spent all day trying to find a new drummer. also, alice wasn't at school because she's sick -- dizzy, feverish, and sore-throated from a terrible cold.
i will skip to the end, and tell you that sean lisner agreed to drum for us tomorrow night, and we had an interesting practice in which he came to my house, along with katherine, alice, and laylee, and we did what we could. alice couldn't really sing so i had to do her parts, and i really hope she's feeling better tomorrow because i think i'll die if i had to do them on stage. i'm bad enough with the handclaps and "do-do-do"s. morgan and laylee worked on the groupie shirts, which are actually just pieces of pillowcase with nice writing that we are going to pin to the clothing of our supporters. please everybody come, wear one, and dance.
after everybody else went home, laylee stayed at my house for a while. i haven't seen that girl in forever, it feels like! we hung out on saturday, but i suck. and it's always different to be with someone outside of a group. at any rate, we cuddled like mad dogs. that's a bad analogy, but fuck it. because oh my. she makes me so happy and comfortable. there is nobody on the planet like laylee. after she went home, brandon called three times. what a boy! with a brilliant laugh and much to say. this is love.

BOBB! .....or.....
BATTLE OF THE BANDS, BITCH!
white station high school auditorium
7:30pm -- 6 bands
for the price of 3 canned goods
sponsored by the pro bono club
and chucks's checkered ass
i'm really just promoting scandaliz vandalistz because they/we are obviously going to win. please come support!!!! we need dancers.

listening to: throwing muses - pretty or not

today was up and down.

i'm really mad at mr. munter for making fun of scandaliz vandalistz and saying we were a joke band. that was really pointless. asshole. at least give constructive criticism. he didn't HAVE to let us in the battle of the bands, but he did, and now he's whining. get the fuck over it. so we (katherine and alice) had a band practice from 4:30 to 6:30 so that we feel better about the music and all. i'm still not sure what my purpose is for being on the stage. i hope we get time to practice with billy soon.
after school (before practice) margaret, brock, and i stayed to read history essays. exhilirating. i'm so sure. brock read my essay, and when we left, he punched me and said i was never allowed to say that i'm a bad history student again. the punch hurt, too. maybe i need to start eating. we went to wendy's to get a frosty, but brock had to go home after that. margaret came over to lie in the bed, and we just got to talk and listen to music for a little, which was very nice. she went home a little after alice and katherine got here. the practice went pretty well. we played "yr 2 kewl" over and over, and "cinnamon" a few times before we drove away to the honors society inductions buisness thingie. and that shit was horrible. when we got there, i felt dressed really wrong and out of place in with my indie kid/feminist shit. no comment on that. depression ensues, etc. the usual. but once my name got called, and i was walking up the aisle thing, that awful bronzer faux-black girl was reading my blurby thing and it made me laugh, because the thing i wrote was very silly. after that it was all gravy train, except for that we were squished onto the stage like sardines. not a good idea when we've got our damn symbolic candles lit up all over the place. i was afraid i was going to light somebody's hair on fire, but it only resulted in me dripping wax all over my fingers. and then i got a piece of cake.
brandon called me expecting to find a lonely voicemail box awaiting, so he was surprised when i picked up around 10. i really liked talking to him tonight, even if it only was for about 40 minutes. i think we both needed it today. i planned to talk about all of the everything yesterday, but... it's late.

listening to: prance - exotic city

yesterday was okay at school.

we all went to watch LA play in the softball game. woot woot!! the weather was great, and incredibly hot -- i love it, though, what can i say? after school, brock and i went to baskin-robbins where we met up with dan ying and jenny. we were kind of late after having to stop at brock's so that he could change clothes, and i felt bad about that. but it was cool, and we got to talk over ice creams. linley was there with her daughter, and i got to talk to her, which was awesome. she hadn't been notified about the show, so i hope that she calls alex and can join in late. she was really sad about missing the workshops. i had a 2-scoop sundae with jamoca and world class chocolate with hot fudge and whipped cream. mmmmmmm oh my. dan ying had to go home to practice piano, and she gave jenny a ride. brock and i sat in his car for a long time just talking and sticking our feet out the window. who on earth is better to just talk to? after a while, alice called and said that she and katherine would soon be on their way to my house, so we headed out too. we got there at the exact same time as alice, and promptly went to sonic. katherine was practicing keyboard in the comic room when we got back, and we commenced to recording scandaliz vandalistz songs for a prairie home companion contest that we started working on incredibly late. considering that it is due on saturday. katherine was all ready for playing all night, and taking the 5-song CD to fed-ex at midnight to get it to into mr. garrison keillor's hands by sunday. the four of us did what we could until hunter showed up, and lent his amazing talent to the SV cause. he then told us that his step-mom works for fed-ex, and could have it shipped for us for free, and that we wouldn't have to take it in by midnight. that was happy, and we didn't feel as rush. i'm talking "we" as if i do anything but i was just singing backup, hand clapping, dancing, and performing as co-taskmaster with katherine. in the end, we were pretty satisfied with how the takes came out. i want to upload them for your listening pleasure. soon, my pets. soon...
near the end of the recording session, william and becca showed up. i felt bad because we advertised the night as "The Who/Rock Star Party" night, but it became something totally different. so once they came, i hung out with them, since i wasn't really needed for SV. we listened to the new rasputina album, played dress up, and took many silly pictures. i love them, and i wish i saw them more. also, i really want to have a laylee/becca day soon. i'm so lonesome and disconnected from them. actually, i feel kind of disconnected from everyone lately, but i guess that's my own fault. anyway.
brock left about 11. he is beautiful, and was being very sweet yesterday. ohh brock i love ye. katherine left around 11:30, after making sure that everything was in place with the CD and the package for our hero garrison. william and becca discostumed at around 12:15 to get becca home on time. unfortunately we didn't have time to make the music video we wanted to. (i need new tapes, too.) hunter left almost directly afterwards, with promises to return back today to pick up the package. alice and i stayed up late being silly and listening to music. we fell asleep on the couch watching quadrophenia. and we never even saw the hot sting. tsk, tsk. we'll probably be watching it again very soon.
today has been mellow. mom got us la baguette thingies and we all sat around and listened to the scandaliz vandalistz songs. mom wants a mini-cd of her very own. aww. alice left at 12, and since then, i've just been hanging out and doing nothing in particular. katherine called to check up on the package, and i also talked to brock on the phone for a very little bit, but he had to leave to go to the zoo with wenli. hunter picked up the package a little while ago, and that is very exciting.
i am finally getting sort of stir-crazy being here. i will probably go organize some cds or something. i really need to get out though. i am free this afternoon, and after 8 tonight. pleeeeease.

today was marvelous! mostly because i was sort of feeding off the energy from the weekend. backwards:
-brandon called late last night. it was brilliant. i am full of love.
-we watched parts of our movie things on the computer, and i died laughing over and over.
-foot and mouse came over to watch a movie with morgan, and they were very very silly. i love them.
-morgan made lumpsy chocolate cookies. mmmm.
-ergolytes workshop was very good, although i couldn't remember my lines very well.
-i woke up very late on sunday.
-i nearly fell asleep on morgan's lap.
-brandon called me, but his phone died after like 2 minutes.
-me and brock drove around for forever, and ended up at shnuck's. we bought cake, and ate it across the street. then we got married.
-brock and i sat outside and talked in the heat.
-katherine and alice came over for a very brief scandaliz vandalistz recording session. brock came later, but i don't think he got to record any drum parts yet.
-forced to go to ergolytes workshop by my father, instead of ice cream cake with dan ying and jenny. it turns out they couldn't go anyway, and workshop wasn't so bad.
-mad series of phone calls between alice and brock trying to figure out what was going on.
-anti-SATs morning with LA featuring pastries and "the sword in the stone."
-LA came over and spent a wonderful night with me. we stayed up very late chattering and cuddling.
-after school on friday, alice and i picked up her guitars from her house, and came back here for a scandaliz vandalistz practice with brock and katherine.
-a week of things i've probably already forgotten.

after school, we had a very short "band practice ha ha" at alice's house. instrumentation was two acoustic guitars made by her dad, one of which apparently wasn't made very well. brock and i sort of sat, and very much enjoyed the jamness of alice and katherine. they work very well together musically, and they have a lot of ideas. which they forget. very quickly. next time there will be a tape recorder and words on paper. friday, guys?
katherine had an oboe lesson and had to go after barely any time. alice, brock, and i went to wendy's, baskin robbins, and super 88. i'd left my cell phone at her house and hadn't been able to get in touch with my mom before that, so she was really mad at me tonight for going to davis-kidd and not finding me. the second time this week. i don't want to stop doing things on weekdays because it really brightens up my silly life, but i don't want her to be mad at me either. and i wish i could find my house key.
william is the sweetest thing. he showed up at our house to take me and morgan out for WAFFLES. unfortunately, we were about to leave for the second ergolytes workshop, though we did talk for a few minutes. it was still a very nice gesture.
workshops have been nice so far. i'm still working on brock to work on his parents to let him be in the show... everyone keep your fingers crossed. the play is already enveloping my life and we've been in it for half a week. i think i'll die. that is not to say i haven't been enjoying the time, but homework is a real hassle. i was up till 2 last night. i feel very guilty posting. i'm going to go now. i hope everyone is having a lovely week.
spring break... what?? that was years ago.

DRUM FUND IS OVER

after school and BYB club, katherine and i headed over to robin's pad to pick up/pay for our new (for us, at least) set of DRUMS. the whole thing was in a wheelbarrow in her backyard next to pink flamingoes, daffodils, and a long-neglected pool. robin's dad showed us basically how to set them up. he was a really cool guy, and kept saying what crappy drums they were. we got our snare, tom, bass, sticks, cymbals, and infinite amount of stands into katherine's hotass honda, and presented the contract we had written only minutes before. mr. goodwin considered the proposition, and rejected it. $40 was too much for these drums, apparently. it turns out that the snare was the only thing decent in the whole kit, and was the only thing he even wanted to make us pay for. but for some reason (embarassment?) he GAVE THEM ALL AWAY! we were ecstatic. so ecstatic that i attempted to drum on the glove compartment to alice's mix allll the way home. we set up the drums in the comics/futon/blue/Alan's Writing Room and tried to mess around for a while. but, as sleater-kinney would remind us, "good things never wanna stay," and we had to study for history. we called brock and of course, he had to drum for a bit as soon as he got over here. we tried to watch these american revolution tapes, but nearly fell asleep. even though the little old man was super hot. we then took turns reading aloud from the study guide, but such a group as ours is easily distracted, so we got very little accomplished. so little that i really don't need to be blogging right now, because i should be studying still. pictures to come when the server revives... listening to: swans - big strong boss

we're no longer winning any drums on ebay. this pleases me.
catching up quickly... monday was a half-day. we didn't do anything because you really can't on a half day. afterwards, i went to lunch at rafferty's with sallis, brock, and alice. i love those kids... then we came to my house, where morgan, eileen, and foot were hiding. we watched a few music videos and things before katherine came to meet us. we rerecorded the "hamster lovin" song because in the old version, we were all really tired, and inappropriate laughter in the middle. sallis also added a hamster rap bridge. ooh excitement. after sallis and eileen left, and morgan and foot went off to explore math homework, the concept of the day finally came around. basically, "band practice" consisted of bidding on drumsets on ebay. katherine, alice, and brock thought up a nice concept for a song though, which we recorded so that no one would forget it. after katherine and alice left, brock and i hung out for a little while before heading over to his house where he ate and his family further deepened their suspicions that i'm anorexic. then we drove over to eudora churchy and sat with hunter to enjoy the music of memphis youth symphony. katherine and alice were lovely! bravo bravo! the concert ended somewhat late, but i was a bad girl and stayed talking longer than i should've. dad called and asked if they could come get me, and i said to pick me up at brock's because we were just leaving. none of us had realized that it was 10. mom had to pick me up, and she was sick. i don't know why dad didn't do it. we got caught by a train and some old people and didn't get home until 10:45. i felt really horrible, and shut up in the bathroom for a while. you know how that is. bathrooms are my depressed place, if you were not aware. anyway. i went to bed pretty much without doing any homework.
this was supposed to be a quick update. fuck's sake.
tuesday was shit. i don't want to go into that at all. the end.
today was worse shit. it all carried over from the increasingly horrible last night, and today i faked happy, which made it worse. telling you guys that i was faking it is a definitely bad idea. because it defeats the purpose. but hahaha i don't care because i'm saying it for me, and not you. anyway. it was awful. so awful, that because i was in a horrible mood after 6th period, becca invited me over to her house for post-school happy time. kevin and laylee took us to her house, and on the way we ate kevin's 34-day old pizza that had been cooking in the back of his car. we had a bit, until becca threw that shit out the window. oh how pepperonis fly. we got to becca's, grabbed the dog, and hopped along to the gas station for a chex mix/cheetos/dr pepper run where we offended some grumpy middle-aged woman by trying to double park. talking to becca is great. she is an amazing listener, talker, and confidence-installer. plus that bitch is hysterical. we hung out until 5:30, and i had a wonderful wonderful time... i hope she did too. i am excited about our saturday night night with layleekins. ewaohgpohiwe the phone is ringing, hang on kids.

listening to: the news