Showing posts with label music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label music. Show all posts

Thursday, December 10, 2015

in the sub shop after the concert

Joanna Newsom show was beautiful but Ryan needs to learn to turn down, and violin player needs to sing closer to mic! I always wish the harp were louder. But such many massive feelings, so so hard to contain in a theatre seat, so aware of all these bodies around me. This music makes me want to dance, in fact to choreograph. To share these feelings somehow, though I admit I'm disappointed to know how much of this sound is keyboard produced - what I thought was xylophone is just synthetic. Even still how I crave it and these feelings. I want to wonder what her life is like, how she sings so knowingly about life + death + all the everything. What happens there? How do we all achieve it? And if ti's true that those no longer in their bodies can feel this, can be here, how can I best be, how can I explain that I know, understand, want to hold space for the ones no longer living? This music makes me remember everyone, from Brittany to my sister to Tom. How badly I want him to hear "Peach Plum Pear" again but really hear it. Can you feel that? What do you have for hunger?

Here in this fluorescence, this street side Italian restaurant, the music is booming and miserable, tehre's no escape. Who thought of this terrible plan? How do they make the dream escape so quickly, so easily? We knew just what we wanted only moments before, just before "reality" set in. This is how you wait for a panini: with your death, by holding your life hostage.

Sam asked me two minutes before the show started what I wanted to hear most of all, and I could've said a thousand things, but I answered "Sawdust + Diamonds." I didn't expect to hear it, but she played it as an encore, the only song. It was so urgent, it was almost rushed. Sam said she saw ehr motioned offstage right at the end, the harsh reality, the lights alive before we found our feet.

And I find myself at the pizza place with, it seems the most obnoxious person at the show, the one who kept yelling garbage after every song, fucking shut up and go the fuck home!!! If only I could be so good. If only I knew how to not drink three cups of wine at the show, to not bum smokes from every eligible hipster. If only I knew how to make myself beautiful enough to sell.

Monday, September 30, 2013

i hope my thoughts don't pierce your dreams

just saw Walt play and felt all the feelings. i didn't get to talk with him much, but the set really overwhelmed me. the music lost and found me and took me back to new orleans days and made me think of so many friends, so far or so gone. and here i am, tied up by my own lonesome leash.


listening to: 

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

two lives lived in distant lands

ugh this sonnggggg



listening to: the magnetic fields - strange eyes

Monday, November 05, 2012

at the dark dark dark show, i expected to be so devastated, crying all over myself. instead i dance like this: swaying, loving the moment, and the buzz of the sound. just gazing up, basking in the presence of this talent. ​ ​



i loved you too carefully; i thought i had time. i moved through the days with a love song in my heart and mirah on my lips.

i think what you meant when you said you were bad at distance:
the time and care i put into every word slipped past you.
you were waiting (not for me)
you weren't prepared to see it through
you don't know how to be patient

AND IF YOU WEREN'T SURE:
why didn't you ask?

Monday, June 27, 2011

i do not need a light

i almost didn't go to my therapist appointment this morning. it was my first time seeing this woman, and after my disastrous experience a couple weeks ago (in which the LCSW accused me of being on my parents' insurance illegally and made me cry in the first 2 minutes), i was feeling pretty wary about whether this was a good idea. but i went, and i was late, and a very sweet dog greeted me as soon as i walked in. the session was okay i suppose; i felt pretty okay about it when i first left, but that feeling has been steadily failing since i got home. i wish i had been more firm that i see medication as a last resort, and i wish i had talked more about immediate problems than answering all her questions about my back story. and anyway i don't see what good this is going to do me if i only see her three times, which is hopefully what it will be if i can get out of town as soon as i'm planning on. SO basically probably a big wate of time and money on my end, and i'm not sure what i'm even trying to get out of this. i hate to be so negative but.. well that's just how it is.
now the day is already half gone and i have no idea how that happened and i'm mad at myself. i need to find some lunch and take morgan driving and do some errands and work on editing and finish cleaning my room, etc. instead i'm listening to an album i just discovered by an artist i really like, josephine foster-- it's all musical versions of emily dickinson poems! so perfect. how did i not know about this before?

listening to: josephine foster - i see thee better -- in the dark

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

while cleaning, i realized that everything i own is covered in feathers. this accounts for at least 70% of the problem that is my room.
today i voted not to make hunting a constitutional right in tennessee, to consolidate the memphis city and shelby county governments, and to put steve cohen back in office. i'll let you know how it turns out.
yesterday i got a job as a part-time receptionist at a massage therapy place in midtown, and my first day of training is tomorrow. the job itself seems pretty chill and at least slightly flexible, which hopefully will make up for the shitty salary. i'm NERVOUS as you can imagine, but oddly not as excited as i was expecting to be after a job search that felt neverending and soul-sucking. maybe it'll be a little more exciting once i'm there a couple days.
in other news, my trip to wilson was really great, for the most part. i got to see mountain man sing for free in asheville!!!! they sang for about half an hour, with me and morgan standing only about a foot away. for "dog song," molly asked us to close our eyes and snuggle up with someone, and i don't know how many people participated, but i hope they did because it was amazing to be able to just listen to the different tones of their voices and feel the direction of each sound and wowowowow i feel so lucky to have been there. i need to write them and ask if we can borrow a song for our movie. that would really be something.


you can see all the way at the front.... amazing!!



HANG ON WAIT IT'S NOT DONE

listening to:

Saturday, May 08, 2010

incalculable indiscreetness and sorrow

currently suffering from constant disappointments. how can i possibly turn this around?

i seem to have lost any fluency i once had in human conversation.
also, words in general.
it's just a COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN. it's always the same.

the girl from my film project mediated a q+a conversation between me and the boy i dreamt was my friend. i was floundering, so frustrated with her impudence, killing.

where do i keep going? the weekends feel like the polar opposite of the weekdays, and that's how it's been all along. except that the weekends aren't really good anymore.

i can't think of anyone i want to talk to right now, but i'm desperate for something. i'm terrified of where my existing relationships are headed and incapable of forming new ones that could be as important and beautiful.

just spilled water all over myself. only 10 minutes ago i was cleaning up the wine i spilled when i tripped on the stairs. not even tipsy.

i'm not present here anymore, but then again, i'm not sure i ever was. but then again, i'm not sure i've ever been. i'm starting to become terrified of going home.

am i even human? how can you be sure?

these lines near killed me today:
when i saw the blossoms broke after the rain
limp and sodden, when you wrote me again
made me think of spiders i washed down the drain
spiders' ghosts, thrown up and back again

blessing all the birds that died so i could live
be a woman
be a woman

all i can do is do.

Friday, October 30, 2009

but why?

three and a half years ago, i traveled to houston, texas, (about 350 miles from new orleans) to see a band called why? and immediately turn around and come home. well, i guess islands played too, and we did get to speak briefly with yoni wolf, who, it turned out, had also driven from louisiana that morning. we nearly drowned in the same storm. our vehicles had temporarily shared a road, which practically meant we were twin souls. i swooned when they played an old hymie's basement song, when yoni beat his tambourine and simultaneously played the keyboard, when he glanced at me as i shouted the call (or response) on "gemini." then i sorta lost my mind on the drive home, thanks to a slowed and sped up mind. i think i talked nonstop for the entire five and a half hour drive and did a little bit of incoherent writing...
but i digress.
last night, why? played in asheville to support their new album, eskimo snow. the venue is only 11 miles from my nook in the mountains, but i was not in the audience at the show. not because i was in astronomy class (it was canceled) or because i had too much homework. instead, i had ended up at an event called stereohype, which was an open-mic about stereotypes, particularly in response to dance the night a'gay and some people's hyper-sexualization and parody of queer culture. the event was kinda neat, but not really spectacular.. if the organizers had advertised before the day of, perhaps more people could have had time to write something presentable. some people's poems and stories were really beautiful and thought-provoking. and then i stumbled around the main campus and the sunderland lawn with renee, becca, and elliot. we swigged some wild irish rose, split a couple southpaws, bummed a few rollies. we loudly sang "sadie" and "chelsea hotel #2" and talked about the band we're gonna start, any day now.. i wandered back to my room around 1:15 and read a few chapters in the novel i'm reading, which just took a major turning point, and i think the rest might be quite funny and continue to be quite beautiful.
but i digress.... so what happened, anyway?
why? has, like many bands i once loved, ceased to produce meaningful work. this can happen for any number of reasons. perhaps the musician loses inspiration or the process becomes work instead of release; maybe they defeat their alcoholism, or find religion, or get signed. or -- wonder of wonders -- maybe they start to produce music that i just don't like.
i find the latest two why? albums almost completely unlistenable. so, perhaps i haven't given them a fair chance. but i was so disgustingly bored and detached from the message because, perhaps, it sounded like the band was too. i hear a desperation to create a universal message, but the metaphors are failing and the rest is uninspired. although it's hard to hear a message at all between the ever more nasally voice yoni has taken on and the continual references to masturbation... perhaps it has something to do with my gender, but i can't help but pick up a hint of sexism in these songs. every woman is fetishized concept, not a person, and just because it's art doesn't mean that sort of reduction is acceptable. and how many times can you tell the same story the same way?
just look at this travesty; http://vimeo.com/6524204


Tuesday, September 29, 2009

a box inside my chest, an animal

today is the 25th anniversary of "the letter" by kristin hersh... just wanted to share that. it's a really intense song, one that i have been dependent on at times, and i know it has been life-changing for so many people.
so, listen to it, i think it's important.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

humiliation was imminent

so, morgan and i decided a few days ago that we had to see the decemberists at their show in asheville. it was sorta last minute, so they weren't the *best* seats in the house, but they were pretty good, considering. yes, they played a huge auditorium, complete with balcony and all. i was very stressed out about getting to the theatre on time. i worked until about 6 and then sat in gladfelter till about 6:40 when i realized what time it was and rushed over the bridge, and morgan and eva asked if we could go by malaprops beforehand and i said "i guess so we have to leave RIGHT NOW" and off we ran. well of course there were still people arriving all throughout the first band's set and even afterwards. the opening act was laura viers and the hall of flames who i began to enjoy more and more as they played more songs. not the most spectacular lyrics, but some of her images were interesting. it was interesting to see a 5-piece band that sounded so minimal. a large part of it was the absence of drums.. they did have one floor tom that they played occasionally. it was just interesting for so many people to have such a minimal, simple sound. it was nice... but very calming, and not a great preparation for the decemberists' set, if you ask me. there was something like a 15 minute break after laura viers, and finally finally the lights dimmed and the decemberists took the stage. they played "the hazards of love" from start to finish, with guest vocalists becky stark from lavendar diamond, as margaret, and shara worden from my brightest diamond as the forest queen. i thought their microphones were too quiet, or that the guitars were too loud, or something, because i couldn't hear them as well as i would've liked. still, i could tell that becky's voice is much stronger than the album would have me believe. (morgan tells me that in her own band, she sings big. i'm not sure why they made that choice on the decemberists album... could it be because she is a frail little woman, the lover rather than the protagonist? ugh.) her voice is beautiful, but her dancing is... not. it almost looked like shara was teaching her to dance at some points. both of them had very stylized sort of moves, to get them from the back of the stage to the front, and highly theatrical poses during their singing parts. becky as margaret just wilted all over the place, her hands in poses of submission, totally helpless and frail. shara, on the other hand, was intense, punchy and low and angular, and soooooo much fun to watch. i definitely want to look into her other music now. although both of their moves seemed pretty planned out, becky seemed a lot more stiff and self-conscious than shara. i would have thought that after being on tour with them for so long, she would have gotten into the part a little more. but, of course, the whole thing was just beautiful, but the story still confuses me.. i mean, i get the basic plot structure, but i have a hard time following the transitions and understanding exactly what is going on at any given moment. and the climax.. i just don't understand at all. so then there was another 15 minute break before their second set! this was quite exciting. colin informed us that they had crafted the setlist specifically for asheville: all their 'country' songs. "but it turns out we're not a country band" and they were apparently surprised by how few country songs they had. the songs were not all my favorites, but there were some real gems in there. so the set: Angel, Won't You Call Me?; Leslie Anne Levine; Crane Wife 3; Down By the Water; Shankhill Butchers; Chimbley Sweep; Dracula's Daughter; O Valencia; Crazy on You.
Down By The Water is a new song featuring colin on harmonica, and that was lots of fun. Chimbley Sweep was completely ridiculous and got totally silly about halfway through. during the bridge, colin wandered out into the audience and climbed on the seats and was deposited back onto the stage, only to pretend/attempt to play his guitar with his teeth. he said he'd never tried that before, but i don't know if i believe it. then the other guitarist was trying it too, but they couldn't do it at all. finally colin said "i bet you're starting to wonder 'how much did i pay for that ticket after all?'" and i was too. but the madness didn't end there.. colin continued to wander around the stage, trying his hand at drums, and then accordion. everyone was switching instruments, and jumping around, and it was quite silly, but went on just a little too long. colin seemed to be taking advantage of the audience by just doing whatever he pleased, whether or not we liked it -- we were sort of stuck there, after all. so finally they went and played the rest of the song... and then what colin called the worst song he had ever written: Dracula's Daughter. proceeded by a ridiculously long story about how after he wrote it, he was crushed by his own paper, his feather pen floated to the floor, the candles were snuffed out, and god shed a single tear, leading to the creation of the nile river and the pyramids?? i'm telling you, it was just silly! HOWEVER the band quickly redeemed itself with O Valencia... morgan and i stood up to dance. then, the diamond ladies came back out to sing a cover of CRAZY ON YOU and it was AMAZING why was it so amazing i dont know. that song really shouldnt be as great as it is.. i'm gonna download a heart album, dont tell. well, we didnt even have to clap and stamp our feet for too long before colin and john, the giraffe drummer, came back out to sing the newish Raincoat Song, which i remember liking quite a bit, but you know... by this point it was pretty obvious that things were winding down. it was like a lullaby, and i thought they might end there. however, they did not. the rest of the band (and the diamonds) came back out to sing Sons and Daughters for their last song, of course. colin finally gave us a bit of audience participation and told us to keep singing out into the streets and into our beds whether or not it annoyed our roommates. however, asheville hipsters suck at audience participation, and it was the most pathetic thing ever. colin kept having to yell things like, "sing from your chest!" and blah. that was lame... but the show was still great.
johanna was sitting two rows behind us, and she needed a ride home, so i gave her one. on the way to the car, the wind blew morgan's dress all the way up, and she squealed and laughed about it all the way home. we dropped johanna off at the village, but the party there looked dead. back in dorland, we opened a big bottle of pinot noir and watched some videos before morgan and eva had to go to sleep. i took the wine and called renee, and she and i decided to traipse around campus for a bit. we went to the ballfields to find the 90s party, but julie told us she had shut it down because they didn't have a party contract... lame. then we sat outside of schafer and talked to carrie for a while. she was on a queer debutante ball/coming out stories kick, and it transferred to renee and i after she went to bed. eventually we got cold and went to my room to piss and find jackets and more wine. we wanted to smoke so we ended up at... the sunderland smoking hut. this kid elliot was there and renee knows him so we sat down for a while. he is in my film class and we got into a big discussion about breathless and just about movies in general. his friend emma, it turned out, had also been at the show, so we talked about that too. a girl came outside who had apparently had alcohol poisoning that night. her RA had called 911, she was taken away in an ambulance, and had to piss in a cup at a gas station, which she did, but escaped through the back door, and hitched a ride back to school. she had been hiding out in the smoking hut ever since but seemed to be sort of freaking out and thinking about dropping out of school. i met a girl named hannah from atlanta who wanted to know about memphis, and a kid named taylor who was responsible for the miserable movie night on thursday and was generally obnoxious, and a weird guy drinking from a flask who was talking about running over deer. there was a quiet kid who should have stuck around. my shining moments of the evening were 1) spotting a possum that no one would have seen (or been able to identify, apparently) if not for my quick eye and 2) reading (almost perfectly) "spring" by gerard manley hopkins from the ancient, damp norton anthology that i had mistaken for a bible but started drooling over when i opened it to a page of browning.
somehow i stayed out there till 5am, i dont understand at all. did i make any friends? we'll see.
today i slept and slept through all the rain, and had that miserable dream (detailed below). i have not gone outside, i have not left my room. tonight is the lord of the rings/arts and crafts party in laura miess's room. should be exciting! renee says she will help make art for my room, since my walls are so devastatingly blank. there's a superhero dance party in my dorm, so i'll probably go for a little while. i have a feeling there were a lot of things i was planning to do today. however, i have forgotten them all and i don't feel like looking at my list to find out what they were just yet. instead i will make some tea and listen to songs.


listening to: rasputina - cage in a cave

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

i am a werewolf

ahhh, another day.
soooo this weekend was the memphis trip, which we had been soooo looking forward to for so very long. i'm not sure if i'd call it anticlimactic.... it was definitely worth the trip. friday night was gonerfest where we (me, brandon, leroy, rachel, bonnie, ALICE, LAYLEE, etc) mostly sat in some bushes outside and drank malt liquor, i.e. SPARKS. this was the time of my downfall.... i've been sick for a while now and rather than going allll the way inside and waiting in line to blow my nose, i just used some leaves. naturally. i do this all the time. however, by the end of the night, i had little black marks on my face and arm, although i didnt notice them until saturday morning.
at any rate.... the bands were great, although, of course, Mr. Airplane Man blew everybody else out of the water. it was amazing!! brandon and i were basically the only dancers in the building, which was disappointing, but not at all shocking for the memphis hipster crowd. it's rather unfortunate how prudish we memphians can be... luckily i'm doing everything i can to break the mold. ho ho ho. after their set, i hung out with mfox and saki behind a newspaper until our eyeballs fell out. i was then dragged to the car because apparently rachel was passing out on the pavement and was really ready to go. i was still ready to run around, but apparently i was the only one. apparently i was the only one who thinks 2am is not that late. back at my house, my darling girls laylee and alice stayed with me until 4am, letting me rant and rave and rip my head off. what angels! i don't know what i would have done without them. so they left and i crawled into bed with my beautiful sister, who, a mere 3 hours later, opened her big, beautiful eyes and asked me, "why are you sad?" so of course i woke up. and you know, i cant generally go back to sleep after being awoken... so morgan and i made our rounds through the other rooms of sleeping kids and made sure we weren't alone in consciousness. perhaps we'll never be forgiven, but do you really think we'd care? ha! leroy and bonnie made a beautiful breakfast that was supposed to be hashbrowns, but ended up as mushy potatoes and veggies. it was still delicious, if you ask me. so we spent an unfortunate amount of time lounging around my house... not that i REALLY minded, but looking back, we probably should have caused some ruckus. although i got some great quality time with my kitty. we took naps in the early afternoon to combat our three/four/five-hour nights, and i helped morgan create the perfect pirate costume for a cowboys and indians ice cream social. she even had a sword! but the little hussy ran off with my bandana... grrr. i had just acquired that one, too. ah well, i suppose all things must pass. we eventually got out of that cave of a house, and wandered around cooper young for a few hours. traditional stops for records at goner, feast of eyes at house of mews, and deliciousness at young avenue deli... although since the neighborhood has been attracting more yuppies, they've raised their prices, and i don't like it one bit. the fries aren't as good these days either! it's almost not worth it but.... ohhhhh the cheesy sticks. yes yes yes. at this point we split up: the nola crew went off to fill a southaven fridge with warm beer, and the ALA girls headed downtown to create some mischief. i think i acquired about $100 worth of clothes, all soft and colorful and cottony. i'm pretty proud. then we all met back up again to go to theatreworks for Birth, a play which is trying to raise awareness about maternity care in the states. it was pretty great, and i'm so glad that we all got to go. especially the reduced prices for all seven of us! it is awesome to be in the our own voice family... theatreworks always feels like coming home.
after the play, we were supposed to hang out with lauren h, but she was nowhere to be found! sad the way that always seems to go... instead, we sat around on my kitchen floor and ate tomato soup and sunset pizza from camy's. by now it was almost 1am and the kids were starting to crash. brandon and i tried to rouse everyone for a late-night trip to peabody park, as is custom, but nobody was down. we walked alice and laylee out to the car, and by the time we made it back inside, everybody was.... indisposed. it was rather unfortunate. we convinced bonnie and leroy to give us a LITTLE shared bed time, but soon we were kicked out. it was weird to be kicked out of that whole side of the house... i don't think i've ever run across the predicament before. so brandon and i watched "return to oz" and looked up perversion on the internet. it was great times... as you can imagine.
the next morning, i woke up with a puffy, red face that mom swore was hives. leroy insisted that it was poison ivy, like whatever he had on his leg and arms. i used his zanfel medicine, but to no avail. i took some benadryl and passed out while morgan, leroy, and bonnie were cooking. everybody paraded in and out of my room like a tv show. i vaguely remember hugging rachel goodbye, morgan trying to coax me up with biscuit dough, etc. but mostly i remember my wonderful mama sitting with me, rubbing my back, and soothingly asking if i wanted to transfer colleges. it was certainly a weekend to be babied, and i gobbled it all up. unfortunately, now i'm back in new orleans, totally lonely and motherless again. i really do like to have someone taking care of me... my big memphis support group of friends is so perfect for that. even the reduced version that i had over the weekend was perfect. i can't figure out what's so different down here, but i just don't have the same sense of safety and love that i do when i'm in my hometown. i don't think new orleans is really that much scarier than memphis.... but i guess my neighborhood here is pretty bad. and my friends down here are all fucking nuts. i just want cuddles and hugs and someone that knows when i'm hurt and what the fuck i'm talking about. i need more women in my life. i need cat energy. i need a pile of pillows to pet on. i need tea parties and bubble baths and girls nights. this is a situation that i'm going to start working on asap. yeesh.

so my face is still all puffy and horrible. i went to the doctor before i realized that it was probably the nose-blowing leaves that did it... geeehhh. i have been taking medicine as if it was a bacterial infection, but i think i'll go back to the doctor on thursday to get checked out again. i've been sick for way too long!!! this is getting old!!! i need to be surrounded by less smoke, that will probably help my throat. geez.
tonight hilary is supposed to come over for a hair night with me and py! it should be great. as long as i can still manage to wake up for my 8:30 class, it's all good. we have pink and purple dye, and no regard for humanity dignity!
now i should go read "demian" for my short fiction class. i'm enjoying it so far and i can only expect that it will get better! plus there's a quiz tomorrow.. yipe.

Monday, September 24, 2007

everything that's breathing is also busying dying

so i was intending to post once i had some pictures and/or video to include with the text.... but yeah, it's not happening and you'll just have to wait.
what can i say? school's been back in session for a few weeks now... it's actually going okay. this is largely due to the fact that i changed my major back to english lit on the second day of classes. ha! take that, science, i could not stomach thee. my schedule looks like this:
MWF 10:30-11:20 Honors Biblical Literature
MWF 11:30-12:20 Modern Short Fiction
MWF 1:30-??? working at the library
W 8:30-10:10am Video Writing and Directing
TR 2-3:15 World Theatre II
TR 3:30-4:45 Intro to Creative Writing
and i generally work on tuesday and thursday morning as well. i got a raise! $7/hr baybee oh yeahhhhh. freaking rolling in it!!
and where does the money go, you ask?
well, this past week most of it went to drugs. i have been sick with bronchitis and it is awful. rite aid has my paycheck. other than that.. we buy a few groceries (the ones we don't glean in other ways), some toilet paper, and a good bit of beer. at least two people are drunk in the house every day. are we wasting away? perhaps. are we loving it? sometimes. are we considering another path? not really. so far everything is going as well as it could, i suppose.
realize i say this about a home that is haunted, filled with drama, and loaded with tension i could eat with a whole loaf of bread. it is ridiculous. on saturday, py confronted mal in the only way he knows how:
"so when are you moving out?"
yikes. he doesnt know her like the rest of us... yes, she has made a lot of promises she hasnt kept. she says this time is different. and yes, she's said that a thousand times before. but now she's got AA meetings every night and drug testing once a week starting in october. i just hate that we didnt have a real house meeting, and come to a decision TOGETHER rather than just sort of poking around and being rude and giving the poor girl a week to move out.... but the drugs, the monetary choices, the disappearances of stuff within our own home.. these things never stopped, even when we saw her improving. so i dont know, this is what it's come to. i can't say i'm thrilled but honestly i dont know what to say at all.
i dont even want to get into the sex drama. all i can say is that it's no fun to be sitting there bored when you are pretty positive that whoever is having sex in the room next door. especially when you have been looking forward to seeing this person for months and then they just come over to fuck your roommate, apparently. am i wrong here, or does that suck a little? either way, i recognize that this is my jealous, possessive side coming out... and oh, how it comes out. it chooses the worst ways, at the worst times, sneaking up on me when i'm drunk and too angry to put my courtesy filter on. well, fucking woops. i dont regret a whole lot of things.... i guess it sort of sucks that i stood in the middle hall room in the middle of our house and yelled about how i hate plastic, jesus, electricity, the whole modern world, the whole house and everyone in it. but i was depressed and it was all true. what can i say? it's weird to apologize for things that are still true, even if the timing and the delivery were inappropriate. not that i REALLY hate everyone in the whole house... although i definitely felt like it at the time. and that was what was important. i dont like containing anger. but like i said, i dont want to get into the rest of the house drama. there's so much and it probably shouldnt all go on the internet anyway. i'll try to keep you vaguely updated anyhow....
so leroy is taking mallory's room. he and his boondock will be staying with us until at least january, which will be fun because maybe everyone will stop accusing ME of being the craziest person in the house, and also just because i love leroy. i am looking forward to lots of free meals, free drinks, and goofy adventurings. however, leaving with mallory are her weezy dog and lucie cat and the rest of the female energy of the house. i will be a lone she-wolf. loucifur will luckily provide me with some fellow cat spirits, but even then, he's a little bastard. as was determined the other day... if lou were 6 feet tall, he would rule the whole freaking world. maybe i'm wrong but i dont think i could say that about most cats. perhaps because lou would be a tyrant and a master of surprise attacks from overhead. the point is: i'm thinking again about getting a kitten. i know i know i can't help it. but is it a good idea? i can't tell. i want a lady kitty friend, at any rate. and i haven't found any elsewhere yet.
however, i have made a few new friends so far this year. wonders! new friends make me happier than almost anything. i dont want to speak too soon so i'll give some better details later.
today has been rainy. i left home right after brandon got back from BR, a city i have been trying to avoid at all possible costs (but i end up going for the good shows). drove to school as i've been doing.. it's sort of nice although i end up bumping a lot of parked cars. shhhh! py constantly teases me about my driving skills, which i suppose are somewhat stuck in the mud, rather than improving... but speaking of BR, i drove from there to NOLA for the first time last weekend! and i didnt fuck up at all (although py would tell you differently, dont listen to him because he was wasted and doesnt remember anything) and we made it down in one safe piece. i was a kickass designated driver for my little drunken men.
point: it's not raining anymore. i was slightly late for bible class, despite my timely driving. i always goof around in the bathroom and forget that class is starting. woops! i thought i was going to really hate that class, but it's turned out to be freaking awesome. my professor basically tells us that everything we learned in sunday school is a load of bull and we talk about the real origins and meanings of old testament stories. he's hilarious and i especially love it when he talks about how stupid fundamentalists are. it is awesome. then i went to modern short fiction where i get to sit next to my friend david who makes me giggle all day. today we were discussing colette's "gigi" and about the sexuality of foods like asparagus and lobster. it was pointless but i took more notes in class today than i have all semester. usually i just write "FREUD" because that is all that our teacher talks about and it sucks so usually i read or write something else. being in a writing class has been really fun, just to get into the habit of writing again. plus my professor is awesome. so yeah, basically i've got a good bunch of classes this semester... i might go so far as to say this has been the best semester i've had yet! but perhaps i shouldn't speak so soon... midterms are coming up, after all. yipe.
but i don't care because i'm going to memphis this weekend!! look out, i'm coming home and i'm bringing my nutty friends with me! we are coming up on friday to see Mr. Airplane Man at gonerfest and i'm so freaking excited. we have seen a lot of great shows recently, it has been really awesome. last weekend we saw Witch Hunt at a house show in BR. brandon got their record, and i got a patch and a book about new orleans. even though i damaged my right ankle somewhat early in the evening, i still managed to dance on one foot and have a kickass time. and that ankle is all better now, although apparently this weekend i destroyed my left big toe and surrounding area.... doing god knows what. i just woke up with it all mangled. i'm hoping that it will just figure itself out and heal somewhat like the rest of my feet wounds always do. i have been realizing how freaking weird my feet look because of all the times i've fucked them up and just sort of let them figure out how to let me walk on them again. oh well.
i keep getting off track. the real point to all this is that py and i have been volunteering for the past couple weekends at the green project, where they've started doing a matinee show every saturday. this past weekend, we cooked the 'free vegan food' which they advertise for every show, and we got lots of compliments. py's soupy shitasaurus was a smashing success, of course. that stuff is delicious! vegan slop is really growing on me. mmmmmmm... py got free goodies from the band because his food was so good! lucky bastard. we danced our asses off and had a great time, despite the lackluster crowd.... hilary, py, and i made up for it with our energy and enthusiasm. the bands were all amazing! i havent been to such an all around good show in a really long time. first, an acoustic band called the Let Down played while we sat at their feet. the two ladies had beautiful voices and played guitar, although one also sometimes played a musical saw. a boy with funny hair also played guitar. their songs were about being alcoholic and in love and they were wonderful. then, Fake Problems went on a few minutes later. leroy and i had just finished pre-gaming outside and as we were walking in during the second song, i said to him "i hope EVERYBODY's DANCING!" and of course no one was. so py and i took that shit up a notch. or four. they sang country folk punk rock songs about capitalism. it was also awesome, and they gave py a free 7inch. then Parsley Flakes played. they wore silly clothes and sang songs about "zapatistas and white people," among other things. we danced like fools! then their amp started smoking 2 songs before the end of the set. it was intense.. but also hilarious and ridiculous. it was an amazing show and an amazing weekend... except for all the drama, of course, but i suppose that sometimes it can't be helped, and so it must be ignored. i'm getting better at this.
i forget if there were other things i meant to say, but if there were, i should save them for another day. this has gotten rather long, and i congratulate you if you made it this far. perhaps i will see you again soon.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

ALANNA’S TOP 10 OF 2005

1) 50 Foot Wave - Golden Ocean
2) Why? - Elephant Eyelash
3) M.I.A. - Arular
4) Sleater-Kinney - The Woods
5) Animal Collective - Feels
6) Andrew Bird and the Mysterious Production of Eggs
7) Of Montreal - The Sunlandic Twins
8) Ani DiFranco - Knuckle Down
9) Sons and Daughters - The Repulsion Box
10) 13 & God
11) The White Stripes - Get Behind Me, Satan
12) Fiona Apple - Extraordinary Machine (Jon Brion version)
13) Devendra Banhart - Cripple Crow
14) The Mountain Goats - The Sunset Tree
15) Imogen Heap - Speak For Yourself
16) Bright Eyes - I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning
17) Scandaliz Vandalistz - A Real Band
18) The Kills - No Wow
19) Out Hud - Let Us Never Speak Of It Again
20) Juliana Hatfield - Made in China



EPs
1) 50 Foot Wave - Free Music
2) Why? - Sanddollars
3) Aesop Rock - Fast Cars, Danger, Fire, and Knives
4) Brit Lit Bandits - You Might Die Tonight
5) oh man i forgot.



BRANDON'S TOP 10
1.Why- Elephant Eyelash
2. 50FootWave-Golden Ocean
3. Sleater-Kinney- The Woods
4. Devandra Banhart- Cripple Crow
5. Of Montreal- The Sunlandic Twins
6. Deerhoof- The Runners Four
7. Andrew Bird and the Mysterious Production of Eggs
8. Animal Collective- Feels
9. M.I.A.-Arular
10. Dangerdoom

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

good thing we travel well together

compiled for me by brandon when he went home. posting the tracks so that i can get together a playlist. you don't have to pay attention.

01) interpol - leif erikson
02) radiohead - talk show host
03) cat power - cross bones style
04) beck - sing it again
05) diane izzo - lavender street
06) adam green - bleeding heart
07) sublime - slow ride
08) talking heads - girlfriend is better
09) kelis featuring nas - in public
10) julie ruin - stay monkey
11) kimya dawson - nobody's hippie
12) andrew bird - lull
13) myshkin - birds of a feather
14) the moldy peaches - goodbye song

Thursday, September 02, 2004

things

1. new puppy is ADORABLE. she has no name yet, but we're working on it.
2. home at the end of the world is a ridiculously bad film.
3. "five years" by david bowie is the song of the week, and may very well be the best song of all time.
4. i love my sister and her friends.
5. it really sucks that today is amelia's last in memphis.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

i carry you around

today a million people moved to our lunch. it's nice, but chaotic. mr. isom has been absent for two days, and i've gotten lots of time to talk to laylee, LA, and brock in psychology. i took my "waiting for godot" make up essay test today, and i did horribly. i realized halfway through that i'd set it up wrong, but... oh well. i didn't even bother trying to fix it, and just ploughed onward. maybe she will commend me for being different HAHAHAH. morgan and i rode the bus home for the first time today. it's nice being able to control what time you go home. in all, today was much better than yesterday, when i had a horrible pain in my stomach area all day. and better than tuesday, because tuesday is the worst day of the week. although yesterday i did get my package from brandon, which always makes me really happy. he sent me back my cell phone, so if you've been trying to call me for a week and a half and getting no alanna, that is why. feel free to call away now. he also sent me a really great mix. i can post the track list if anyone cares to know what's on it. anyway. everybody have an awesome friday tomorrow. oh, and on saturday, everyone must come to my house. no questions. be here.

listening to: the olympics commentators

Sunday, May 16, 2004

ERGOLYTES

last show today at 3pm... hope you will come out. support community theatre. because it exists.

i'm having an amazing weekend. yayyyyy! it already feels like school is out, though, and i need to get over that, and hunker down for exams. i'm debating whether or not to go to school on thursday, since i have no exams that day (AP, bitch!) but i probably shouldn't miss another day of school. whatever. i hope i get more sleep this week than i have in the last couple ones. this should be easier with my brand new jersey-knit sheets. mmmmmmmm. very quickly--
friday i had to walk to davis-kidd in the rain which was really really unpleasant. even more unpleasant was the cold temperature kept by most bookstores which i had to deal with. i did not WANT to deal with it, so i went to sleep on one of the YA benches, even though i wasn't tired. it made my legs and arm fall asleep, and i wasn't pleased. when i woke up, i went to call brock because we were supposed to do something, and there he was reading a french newspaper. asshole. he took me home where i put on some dry clothes and we proceeded to snuggle in my bed listening to the cranberries. then morgan came home, and the three of us went to quizno's where i was overwhelmed by choices and made brock order for me. he then dropped us off and left for home. the play went pretty well-- i was worried we'd be rusty after no rehearsals all week, but the audience was really receptive and we were hyper, so it was good. afterwards, me, morgan, zoe, eileen, foot, and kathryn went over to bosco's squared for dessert. kathryn and i shared a creme brulee. hmeemoagiheaoeixg.e. we were all in character, and i was bambi. yeah you heard me. take that. when i got home, i talked to brett on the phone for 40 minutes so he could tell me about his day. then brandon called and we talked for three hours because he got his new phone in the mail. it was an event. so basically, i went to bed at 3:30am and got none of my highly-anticipated sleep because brock called at 11:30am. after rushing around and attempting to plan, brock and brett picked me up and we headed to the flea market. we pet some rabbits, met the hosts of Junkin' and met up with the other kids. i had a really good time, despite several really depressing incidents. brett knew everything on the planet about the flea market world; i was incredibly impressed. we got a lot of free food, too. we bought a watermelon, and everyone ate it on my kitchen floor listening to liz phair. except me. i had a fluffernutter sandwich. brock had to be home at 5, so he and brett left. then i was treated to a cinnamon milkshake at java cabana, and headed to rehearsal. dominic didn't show, so kimberly had to learn his whole part 5 minutes before we went on. it was very nerve-wracking, but she did a really good job. the first third of the play felt really off for my group, at least, but we got into the swing and i got a lot more confident. afterwards, part of the cast and their friends walked across the parking lot and had dinner at pizza cafe, which was very nice. then a couple people went to zoe's to have a piece of chocolate raspberry cheesecake.... jesus christ. i orgasmed multiple times. after that we went home, changed my bedsheets, listened to nice music, and had a 1am nap which turned into an all-night sleep for me. i am in a very good mood, i have to leave for the play soon, and i hope to see you there.

listening to: patti smith - trampin'

Thursday, March 25, 2004

criss/cross mix for sallis

a lot of the songs are really long on this, i realized. also, it's very random. actually, this thing is really weird. i can't figure out what happened to it. but here it is.

01) bikini kill - carnival
02) desaparecidos - manana
03) superchunk - the question is how fast
04) the beatles - rain
05) the gits - second skin (live)
06) the raveonettes - chains
07) the faint - call call
08) i am the world trade center - sounds so crazy
09) the cure - lullaby
10) portishead - biscuit
11) the yeah yeah yeahs - y control
12) pixies - gouge away
13) kristin hersh - sno cat
14) pj harvey - yuri-g (4-track version)
15) violent femmes - kiss off
16) the moldy peaches - nothing came out
17) andrew bird - weather systems (live)
18) reindeer section - last song on blue tape
19) smashing pumpkins - disarm
20) death cab for cutie - transatlanticism
21) discount - math won't miss you

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

BRANDON'S CDS CAME!
i get:
--placebo without you i'm nothing
--peaches fatherfucker
--new k-48 mix hymns
--2-disc electroclash mix
--de la soul
--an amazing frank o'hara poem, written in green pen by brandon

he gets (eventually):
--some shit i don't remember.

Saturday, January 24, 2004

1 2 3 4 cretins wanna hop some more! 4 5 6 7 all good cretins go to heaven!!!

gahhh no posting for too long. catching up makes my brain ache...
yesterday was nice. i accidentally fell asleep in a chair at davis-kidd and woke up in between two brock phone calls. i felt really rude that i'd done that, but more annoyed that i didn't get any homework done. so when i got home, i attempted to make plans for the night with laylee, then retreated to my room to educated guess and conic section algebra problems. i toiled for about 5 minutes before it was time to eat some chickens and leave. dad drove me to white station to see kevin's one-act. i got there before laylee and becca, but dad wouldn't sit around to wait. that's okay, because they were late anyway. i went in and mrs. j was taking tickets with tim shaver.
mrs. j: who are you here to see tonight?
me: kevin nuckolls
mrs. j: ohhh are you his girl?
me: nahhh
mrs. j: do you wanna be?
me: yeah, you know it *with laughter*
so she proceeded to ask my name in order to set me up with that handsome fella. and tim just giggled away all gushery flip flop. the one-acts themselves were okay. the first was a "comedy" with lindy and davis but i wasn't really amused... the second had joseph w, olivia h, and some girl i don't know, and it was a little funnier. the third was kevin and meg robb, and it wasn't supposed to be funny. they did a very good job, and i enjoyed it a lot. bravo, kiddies! afterwards, we walked kevin to his car where he was parked next to meg. i think i broke shit off her car, but tim fixed that junt. laylee, becca, and i proceeded to walk to backyard burgers where we had milkshakes until brock met us. then laylee's mom came and took her and becca to hi-tone, while brock drove me. i was worried that we were going to be late, since the hi-tone site said that the show started at 9, and we didn't even leave backyard burger until about 9:15. however, we were sitting around at an almost empty hi-tone for quite a while before the opening act even went on. he wasn't too interesting, but my how he went on. finally he went away, and one mr. ANDREW BIRD took the stage. can i simply state that i am newly in love? the man is beautiful. i kept wriggling when he would walk by our table, before the show, and i could hardly contain myself. the opener was such a blah little set that we were all really tired, and i was terrified that the show would be a let down. but andrew bird is fucking god. he started his set by.... whistling. and jesus can that man whistle. then he would play his violin, and it would loop so that he would be harmonizing with himself. he wore his guitar on his back so that he could swing it around and play it sometimes, too. and he had a xylophone on a music stand as well. it was amazing. so much sound for just one man. even when it was just the violin with the loop, i couldn't get over it. not to even mention his voice-- that shit is honey. it's similiar to jeff buckley's in a more smooth and rolling sense. the songs sound like water, if that helps. our ride home was william, even though he couldn't make it to the show. and when we had called, we asked him to get us at 11:30, which was sad because by then we were so simply entranced by the music. we hated to go, oh we did. brock left at about 11:25. he didn't have to be home until midnight, but he wanted to be home early for the first time he was allowed out on a school night. that is a very good idea. such is the like of things i will never think. becca, laylee, and i even stayed a few minutes after our watches said 11:30 because it was just so amazing. we couldn't pull away. before we left, i got the new album, weather systems, but i'm disappointed at how short it is. it was probably around 11:45 when we got outside, but william was nowhere to be found. apparently the clock he was looking at was like 30 minutes early, so he was a bit late. that was fine because we got to hear more of the show, from outside in the freezing cold. although of course i wish we had gotten to see the end. i feel like his climax and closing would've been AMAZING, just because of the nature of the show. he was beautiful... my first thought when he started playing was "gazelle" but brock said "stork" because of the way he would lift one leg while he played. and his little face, and his little beauty... ohhhhh love. the cd i bought has "an eight minute film" which i really hope contains live footage. if so, i am going to have a party for those eight minutes, and you bitches will be there. at any rate. william came eventually. and nearly RAN ME OVER. christ. i felt bad about demanding a ride... oh well. they dropped me off, and i went and unlocked the storm door -- only to discover that dad had locked the door that NOBODY has a key to. i was really annoyed and rang the doorbell, but nobody came. so i went to my damn window, which apparently has the lock broken again. i opened it and started to climb in, only to find morgan in my bed!! i don't know which one of us was more surprised. well. she was pretty freaked out, so i guess she can win. at any rate, i did the rest of my math homework and went to bed at about 1.
school today was okay... nothing really out of the ordinary, that i can remember. oh, i fell down a stair or two, and now my foot really hurts. and laylee had our lunch, and it made me veeeeryyyyyy happy. beau got suspended because he made a dumb joke on the morning announcements -- "as they say in the tampon business, see you next period!" and they fucking SUSPENDED him!!! if that's not the dumbest fucking thing. i hate white station's crazy ass. no warning, no parent meeting, no nothing. suspended, just like that. i think they were just so shocked, it was the first thing that popped into their stupid empty heads. GAHHh. i don't even LIKE that kid, and i didn't like his stupid joke, but i hate the fact that you can't even talk about fucking periods without somebody beating your ass. what the fuck!?1 okay end rant. in study hall, i attempted to read "the jungle" for history class, but allison kept singing "welcome to the jungle" and i was about to go nuts. so we took the obvious route, and wrote a parody. it was funny. "welcome to the jungle, upton sinclair! and mary sigal! sigggall!! siggealll!!! precious precious! welcome to the jungle, we got meat!" WELL it was funny to us. after school, we had a pro bono meeting about the newsletter, which i am now going to be working on as an editor. that is pretty cool. i am only doing it because tarah was like "we need an excuse to see each other!" speaking of, the painting that she did of me in the bathroom won something in the scholastic contest thing that everyone on the planet entered. bravo, tarah!! i am very proud. after the meeting, brock and i drove to his house so that he could put on his Weekend Shirt and get some Oh's which is the only cereal he will eat. that spoiled bitch. we then drove to alice's house to meet up with her, allison, and LA. brock and i, windows down, followed alice, in her wicked new van, to park ave thrift store where i tried on little boy shirts. brock found a lot of hott hipster shirts, but neither of us bought anything because we were both entirely void of money. alice got a very cool skank-flapper skirt, and allison got a kroger shirt and a little boy's chicago bulls shirt. the highlight of the trip was when i found TAP SHOES. i put on one, and a glittering red slipper, and i danced those fucks. but everyone else was in line, and i felt silly so i didn't dance too much. plus those shoes were kind of small. i wish i had taken tap dancing... sigh. maybe i should go back to some kind of dance class. i could very well love it. anyone up for it? next we went to backyard burger because everyone was starving, and we needed cheap. as stated, brock and i had no money anyway, plus we were supposed to go back to my house at around 6:15 to go to dinner with the fam before heading off to the orpheum, so that was cool. we bummed a couple fries and took picture with alice's digicam. brock made this great comment about how we were allowed to bum food now becuse we don't have to bum rides. i was in love with it because he was inferring that i am not bumming rides off of him. i belong in that passenger seat, bitches. it just made me really really happy. brock just does. then we drove to walgreen's where LA bought a huge ass amount of matches. in the parking lot outside, we attempted to light sparklers, but it was no avail. the wind was too strong. we even stood all in a little circle in order to keep the air away, but nothing was working. eventually, we just lit the rest of that pack of matches on fire and threw it on the pavement, and tried to light the sparklers like roasting marshmallows (or potatoes...) round the campfire. and even still, we only got one lit. so we lit an ENTIRE pack of matches on fire, and we all had sparklers and we ran around and it was beautiful. unfortunately by now it was almost 6, and brock is GREAT and wanted to make a good impression on my parents by getting home slightly early. i called them on the way to let them know we were coming, when i was finally informed, when we were next to the central library, that plans had changed. foot wasn't going to get to the house until 7:15, so we were going to have stay at home instead of going out to eat. i was really put out, because i had just gotten into the hanging out spirit, what with the sparklers and all. those things just put me in a tizzy, and i become a total 3-year-old. it's pretty sick and sad. sigh. i guess being here was ... okay. brock and i listened to some music, and burned the andrew bird cd for him, but that's about it. oh, we had a mad scramble on my bed over... what was it? i can't rememeber. something silly. we always have wild fights over silly things, but it's so much fun. it started out as a tickle fight on my bed, that evolved into me sitting on brock and him kicking at me furiously, into us running in a circle around the house a few times until mom got in the way. ah well... then we ate pizza while morgan summarized almost the first half of les mis for brock, because he wanted some summary before we got to the play, so that he could follow. foot didn't get to the house until about 7:20 so we rushed out the door when she arrived. we were on time for the show and everything, so that was good. it was GREAT, and i really enjoyed it. i liked it much better than the first time, where i'd already had to deal with the family listening to the damn CD of it nonstop for an entire year. and this is NOT an exaggeration. i was REALLY surprised at how many of the tunes and lyrics i remembered... not to mention the specific voices and arrangements that were on that album, so i definitely had something to compare it to. there were lots and lots and lots of great oboe parts, which made me very happy. i kept going "OBOE!!" and killing the general population. our seats were not very good, but they were the best we could get buying for six people at the last minute. we brought binoculars, which i used a little bit. cosette terrified me. her voice was shrieky and insanely high-pitched, and when i looked at her in the binoculars, her face was about to pop off. similiar to chelsea. it was nuts. the best part of the play was when the thenardiers ended a scene with me and brock's married couple sit-com bit. it was so great. they took that shit from us, i swear to god. but yeah. i won't bore you with those details. i enjoyed myself. we got out, where we saw mrs. moore (me and morgan's first grade teacher) with her husband walking to their car. she looks the same as ever. she kept saying how me and morgan look exactly the same now. she asked if brock was my boyfriend, and i said no... mom said he was part of the family. ahaha. it was funny. why is it that people always assume we're dating? le sigh. the familia made nice conversation on the way home. mom had gotten us all chocolate roses from her school orchestra's fundraiser. they were lovely. also, i REALLY like that brock didn't leave the second we got here. i hate quick ends to things like that. they should drizzle away, like sandcastles. brock came in and had a drink, and we got his CD and listened to some more music, and talked, and things were just nice. i wish he could've spent the night, like foot. i wish i was a guy? i wish he was a girl? i wish his parents weren't silly? such is the life. i wanted him to just call his mom, and scream "TORNADO FOREVER!" and never leave our silly house. he actually made jokes about things he could say that he could spend the night too, like that he was too tired to drive. it was just sad that he didn't do it. maybe if he asked regularly, instead of always assuming the no, she would've said yes by now... or maybe if our parents would actually go hang out some time. hahhaha that would probably worsen the situation. great scott! it's 1:30am. it's time to put the girlies to bed, as they have fallen asleep on the couch watching amelie. oh, i got my fountain day pictures back from margaret today but... it is really too late to scan them. i'll do it tomorrow, bitches. tomorrow:
-scan fountain day pictures
-read LOTS of "the jungle"
-burn brandon's fucking cds
-photo session with brock
-edit with katherine
-MAMA otherlands thing?
-if none of that, find something/someone to do in the evening
-get sedated

listening to: the ramones - chinese rock