Saturday, November 15, 2003

i'll be brave tonight

another new blog layout. i already think this one is old. it's so ...... green. well, who knows. maybe it will grow on me. i like the image and the quote, but i'm too lazy to mess with colors and fonts myself right now.
it was a pretty good day. another one of those where the day SHOULD suck and it doesn't. this week was so bad, that today couldn't really help but be good. if it had been bad, i could've like. filed a complaint to jesus or something. i fell the fuck asleep last night trying to study. again. good god this is getting old.
we had an english test on the age of innocence, which i am proud to say, was my first sparknotes test. i only read about 100 pages of that shit. and i wanna be a kennedy, what can i say? i think i did pretty well on it. who cares, though, because an english test day means that laylee, margaret, jenny, and katherine w come to our lunch. hooray! it was so relaxing, not having to listen/talk to nisha. i guess i should feel bad for the people who DID have to talk to her, but jenny doesn't hate her or anything. jenny is nice. unlike me. i have no soul.
i also had tests in ap u.s. and latin, which didn't go very well. or maybe i was just more pessimistic at the end of the day. i don't care anymore, because god blessed me and made today friday. after school, brock came home with us. that made me really happy, because he said last night that he wanted to just go home and chill today. i mean it was nice that he wanted to take a day off and everything, but i like having company. we went to sonic of course. mmm. aaahaha. we sat around over here, and tried to find a movie to watch but our wide selection somehow seemed very selective tonight. we talked about renting something, but it seemed like a hassle to make mom drive out and get one. plus brock still wanted to be home early and everything, so there wasn't really time to do that by the time mom got up from her nap. however, unaware that brock was about to leave, she suggested we see a movie. brock called his mom and asked if she could come and get him, morgan, and me and take us to paradiso. unfortunate: brock's family had decided to do some family dessert outing thing, and they were all in the car on the way to my house when he asked. they hadn't told him about it, and he was like "oh well we don't have to go to the movie" and everything, but brock's family is brock's family therefore they were like "whatever" and took us anyway, even though they weren't very happy about it. brock does that kind of thing sometimes. to a different extent. he "whatever"s a lot of things, and endures a lot of shit he isn't happy with. it makes him really hard to read. that's okay.
we saw "love actually" which was a pretty good movie. i LOVE movies with brock, as i've said. we are so dramatic. even when i'm really really into a movie, i'm mostly internal about it, but not with brock. when something awkward or pathetic happens, brock can't look at the screen. he's so sympathetic. it's great. he usually leans over in his seat, and i rub his back. sometimes he just covers his face, depending on the trauma. during suspense, he is an arm grabber. during "matchstick men" we spent most of the movie clutching each other. simply because any kind of suspense is painful. during tender moments, i lean my head on his shoulder and it's all very nice. he also does this thing i love where he sort of strokes your elbow. aw i love that thing. is it strange that we are more physical in the theatre than anywhere else?
mom picked us up, and i got annoyed that she had brought the dogs and there was barely room in the car for all of us because she'd also taken out the back seat of the damn car. it seems like i get really easily frustrated right after a movie. i don't know why. it's just another weird fucking thing i do, i guess. ah well. wow my thumb is really flat on one side. i wonder, has it always been that way? so we took brock home. morgan and i watched i love the 80s and some music videos. actually she fell asleep. dad has been trying to talk to me and act like everything is fine. actually he's trying to be nicer than normal. i'm about to explode. i've basically just been doing the silence thing but he obviously doesn't get it. next time he pats my fucking shoulder or kisses me on the head, i am going to fucking scream. i'm going insane this way. he acts all offended when i seem upset with him, but he still hasn't actually confronted me about the issue. i was waiting for him to do it, because it's his fucking issue to begin with and because i'm obviously not talking to him unless it's necessary. oh yeah, yesterday i added my last post to letter from memphis. it was a sad moment. but i figured i should just go ahead and explain why i stopped blogging there so that people would quit asking me and i wouldn't have to say it anymore. but of course, now that i've actually written it, no one has read it and no one else has asked me. so i'm a little put out. but whatever. maybe dad will see it and leave me the fuck alone. man i didn't want to end on such a sour note. i'm having a good day, and i intend to have a good weekend. anyone up for driving me to new orleans tomorrow ho ho ho? well. anyone up for hanging out, at least? god damn.

listening to: kill hannah - ten more minutes with you