Wednesday, October 01, 2003

i have really been neglecting the blog today, and i should be neglecting it even more right now. damn blogger already deleted half of my post already. i am supposed to be working on history right now, and i sort of am, half-assedly. while eating ice cream. and wearing my mother's/father's old plaid robe. mmm.
today was report card day. i hate my grades like i hate myself. they really need to get better, but i'm too stupid to fix them. the only grade that really disappointed me was ap english. the whole thing was mostly brought down by one stupid assignment i didn't do. so it's humanly impossible for alanna stewart to write and makes notes and highlight in books, so what?! no reason for me to have a 70 test average, i'll tell you that. and the tex wex also, apparently, takes off points for being absent. at white station, we spartans learn that our grades are much more important than our own wellbeing, much less the health of our fellow students. i hate my existence. i hate even more that my schedule is NOT that hard. some kids are taking 5 APs this year. i am taking 2 aps, 2 classes that most kids took last year, 1 deafeningly easy language class that i still can't make an A in, and a motherfucking study hall. and i complain. someone shoot me.
we also had clubs today. i went with laylee, becca, robin, and jenny to munter's club, junior states of america. i don't think we are going to go back. it's all debate and horrifying. ted and alone boy were there. aahaha. i was very glad to see that they didn't know each other and weren't sitting together.
brock and i had a huge fight at lunch. i think i pissed him off a lot. i don't know how to stop something when it needs to be over like 6 days ago.
laylee and kevin laughed at me after school, and kevin had a beautiful smoothy pig marble. i love those kids. becca and i had a looooong wonderful hug. it was very nice. allison, brock, and i had an orgy, but i was just an intrusion. brock lets lauren dunn give him really really long hugs. they look really nice. i'm jealous.
elise IMed me to ask me a history question and it had to ask me if i wanted to accept the message. it was strange. after that plus a huge pause, i told her i liked her last poem. mostly i said it because i had been thinking about it. there were parts of it that actually reminded me of myself, and i basically wanted her to either admit it was about me, or reassure me that it was about one of her new friends. as it turns out, she did write it for me. it is nice to know that i'm not just fucking paranoid or something. but yeah it was sort of weird seeing her view of this whole situation like that. i mean it's not like we would've talked about it, because of said situation. oh well. i'm happy, and i'm sure elise is too.
called brock to ask him again what the math homework was. i've done that every night this week, and at LEAST once last week. poor kid. and as previously stated, god knows it's impossible for me and brock to exist and not talk for 230957 years. which is what we did. i feel really bad because i distracted him from his homework, and he didn't get to work on his oral presentation tonight. guilt guilt guilt. but, as always, talking to brock on the phone made my night way better. that and listening to the first throwing muses album and mint chocolate chip ice cream and this nice robe just take the cake. all the way to the traffic light, where they threw it at the policemen, passing by on horses.
mom came in to tell me to do homework. that is, she picked up the cat and sat next to me on the futon and picked the cat for fleas.
mom: who are you talking to?
me: brock
mom: how did he do on his report card?
me: do you want to ask him?
so brock and mom had a lovely conversation, in which mom asked brock about his classes and promised twice that she "won't tell alanna!" and that she's worried about me because i'm fucking dumb. so dumb she blogs at 11:30pm, with piles of homework left to spit on! beautiful life. oh yeah, my yellow underwear are now purple in some places because of all that permanent marker that has been on my stomach+ area for the past couple days. how fucking funny is that? i want to hang that shit on my wall.
who the fuck is dartmouth vs. woodward?

listening to: whatever is wafting out of morgan's room. she listens to music really really loud when she's going to bed... awwww she's listening to becca! how cute. so THAT'S where my cd went.

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