Thursday, October 16, 2003

got to be some more change in my life
it's up to me now . turn on the bright lights

i can't understand why i have to be so mood swing. after school today, first off, i was annoyed because i don't think i did very well on a math test. for some reason, about halfway through it, about halfway through the class, i flipped out that i had like 10 more seconds to go, time-wise. then i rushed through the next part of the test, and i just don't know. oh well. so i was annoyed. then i sort of found this really amazing mood. i also found kevin and laylee, and there was beautiful hugging. i love seeing them at the end of the day. laylee is so great. i love getting kevin hugs, too. because i don't usually. so it made me very very happy. then i went to my locker, and brock met me there. i hugged him because i was feeling very full of love and wanting hugs and beautiful things. he wasn't very into it. oh well. then robin came over, and we walked out together, and i really liked talking to her because she was in a good mood. i told her that mr. munter called be 'robin goodwin' today, which was really fucking funny. he doesn't know the two of us apart. ahaah. anyway. we got outside, and christine stopped brock to talk. i left because there was something else i wanted to say to robin, but she had walked off somewhere else by then. so i just stood with allison, katherine, and alice for a few minutes until i had the overwhelming need to just lie on the stupid brick wall thingie. the breeze was really wonderful. everyone was really nice and everything, and asked me why was i lying down? i don't know. was i tired? no. was i sick? no. was i okay? no.
it was really nice of htem to be concerned, but not having any real answers just pissed me off and bothered me more. i don't know what's wrong with me. i was just falling down right down. brock came back all happy from talking to christine. he tickled my shoulder a little. it made me wish i was love and rockets. things made me wish a lot of things. it didn't help that sarah was late picking me up today, so everyone left and i just lay there. sarah didn't come until after 3, which means i didn't get home until 3:20. i hate that i spent the better part of an hour really unhappy for no apparent reason. fuck this shit. all i want to do is keep listening to this album, drink my damn diet coke, edit with katherine, record with becca, and exist with laylee.

listening to: interpol - PDA

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