enjoy some tunes while you guzzle down all this emo content

Thursday, January 30, 2003

happy birthday to me

Monday, January 27, 2003

sick day and it's absolutely terrible.

Thursday, January 23, 2003

Accountability

She counted on those people to be there. It was like that trust game. The one where you fell backward and someone would be there to catch you always. That kind of crushing trust.
She'd been floating with this certain flock of swans. They would float along the water and look so nice that nobody else could make a sound. It was like trust. When she fell there was no one there to catch her. Her backwards swan dive left her cold on pavement alone in tears. Floating she was. Flock long gone she took to the sky in search of something solid. I think that she and the rest of the visitors to that ghost realm could tell you now. "Never go looking for solidity in the sky. Those clouds can't support you with your heavy dreams." But I think it was nice while it lasted.
She needed people to count on. Swans. "I am learning," she said, "that I can only count on myself." And that much was true, and a lot of things are true. Like quests are where she's headed because water and air can't hold her. She is going to the city. Solid city hard and beautiful full of bricks for her. Full and there is someone waiting to be counted on.

Wednesday, January 22, 2003

once time fell
and in the early we rang through
trees not noisy we are
dancing windless milky brain
with spin planet collide in eyes
space high we fly
flat plastered to sticky sky
floating stuck
and ride against night
on black
bareback

Tuesday, January 14, 2003

i want a genie. it's true. actually i have been looking for my goddamn genie for quite a while now. my wishes were to be surrounded in love all the time and to see the beauty of the world. i'm kind of upset because my wishes have, in part, come true but i didn't get to actually meet my genie. who am i going to thank? i don't have an address to send thank-you cards to. what number do i call up and say “ever since you saved me, my life has been exploding into constant fireworks and can we go out for coffee some time?” not only do i want to have some serious discussion with my genie about why my wishes didn't come true sooner, i want to beg for some more. since my genie doesn't seem to be coming any time soon, i will use this time and this space to extend a verbal cry into the universe: genie, you have shown me the beauty of the world and you have surrounded me with love and beings i would never have dreamed. but genie, where is the beautiful house for us all to live in? where is our paradise in the LA hills where we will grow our own food and sew our own clothes and make beautiful music and create movies to celebrate life? where are our secret agent lovers? genie, i know this is a difficult prescription so i will give you a few more years to fill the order but i am waiting and i am counting on you. until then let me bask in the glow of everything i have found.

Monday, January 13, 2003

by appearing from nothing
you made me remember
and you made me dumb
tense
awkward
my bubble i was loving it
loving in it
my bubble caved away and i am
naked in the open now
does that make you happy?
because you kept smiling
so I'm Hitler laughing nervously
you came here on your mighty, white steed
with a pistol by your side
and how does Hitler react?
hahaha thanks so much
and that's a mighty fine face you've got on
you helped me forget love
again.
but this time it was three minutes not
three years
we have become simpler and simpler
i keep finding little moments to represent
us. together.
but
doesn't this beat all?
doesn't this? you beat me
over and over this time
three minutes
i struck one hard
i hope because
i'm left with almost no confidence
but in an hour or so i will be
in the presence of people i love
because i am loved and there's nothing
you can do about it
tell me what you will
i am alive!
so you think i'm vicious?
i feel!
LOVE and you can't stop it
so i destroyed some little person's dream?
i want to build for big beauty
and i can
and i will
i am building for big beauty
and it is mighty
and i am fine

Wednesday, January 08, 2003

it is hard to be mad at the world anymore
this place seems too beautiful
what happened?
if i was ever an elitist
i guess i am not now
i have changed
what you like doesn't always effect
what you're like
i am not sorry i am different
there's only one person who would be offended
and she is gone now

Monday, January 06, 2003

today was the first day back to school from winter break... it was veeerrrrrryyyyy long. the only new class i have this semester is mythology, which should be better than etymology. i wish that laylee was coming to white station. i can just imagine her being in my lunch.
bad lunch news: christie and margaret have gone, lauren ricks and casey o'rouke have entered.
good lunch news: lauren dunn, katherine dohan, and brock have come!
after school brock and i had a hopping contest but he won because he is far too tall and i am far too short and so i died.

Saturday, January 04, 2003

"inspired by alanna's constant passion" by brock

Enthusiasm beams
From your enlarged eyes
An uncontainable jolt
Zipps through your spirit,
On code red: full alert
Your spiritual cotton
Wripping your seams
Thread giving way to
The sudden bulge
Your internal flame
Roars from fuel
It's the fourth of july sky
In the brain
And thought
Loses all sensibility.
Passion overcomes you.